


Write Like You're Running Out Of Time

by ninasfireescape (sharkgriffin)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (I promise there will be some), Abuse, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern, Alternate Universe - Writers, Angst, Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Ft. as many in the heights references as I can fit in, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Slow Build, Trans Character, non binary character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 189,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkgriffin/pseuds/ninasfireescape
Summary: A new beginning to a college year and new plans for Angelica, John, Eliza, Aaron, Peggy and the other students.However, with the arrival of a short-tempered, opinionated, yet enticing young writer, college life is about to get interesting.OrAlexander Hamilton goes to college. What happens next will shock you.Multi POV. Updates every Monday evening.





	1. In New York You Can Be A New Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for writing this fic because I really love the Hamilton characters but feel like there isn't enough of the ladies so I want to try and give the Schuyler Sisters + Maria plenty of time in the story instead of putting them to the side. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy x

“ _116th Street Station._ ”

It took all of the remaining strength Alex had in his body to peel himself out of his subway seat. Even more was needed to lift his two cases from the luggage rack and wheel them onto the platform before the train doors closed again.

His eyelids drooped like the New York City sunshine was melting his skin, and he was seeing double; he had not slept a wink all night.

College: the nerves were sinking in. It would be the same process of having to make new friends, impress the teachers, and ace all his classes. He had been so much more confident in his ability to do this back when he was sixteen, on the way to America for the first time. Hopefully it would turn out much better the second time around.

Alex’s flight from Puerto Rico was supposed to have landed at JFK during the early evening, the day before. He had excited himself with the thought of sleeping in a bed in the house where he spent the last eighteen months of high school. Instead, his flight had been delayed to the middle of the night and he had flown in at 3am. He had then been holed up in an airport hotel room. It was luxurious enough, though Martha had been upset when he spoke with her on the phone, that she would not be seeing him until the day after.

Twelve hours later and here he was on a deserted train traveling across New York City. He could understand why his carriage was empty; all the other students arriving would be getting lifts into school with their parents. That left him being different again, though admittedly the Washingtons would have driven him into the university if not for the delay of his flight.

His computer had run out of charge hours ago, shutting down right while he was in the middle of a paragraph. He prayed he had not lost it as saving his files was something he did rarely. He had spent the rest of the journey making a failed attempt to fall asleep.

A woman with the warmest red-lipped smile, twinkling eyes and curly, brown hair awaited him at the barriers. She presented herself in motherly clothing with casual jeans and an orange turtleneck. As she saw him, her mouth turned up at the corners and the dimples showed in her full cheeks.

“Alex,” she cried, rushing out to hug him when he was barely fully off the train. This was of course natural; it had been nearly a year since he had last seen her. Since then, his hair had grown a few inches, he had lost some weight without her hearty meals and he had some stubble on his face that he hoped would grow into something that could be called a beard. Unfortunately, there had been no change in his height.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Martha.”

“How’s my little tomcat doing?”

“Martha,” he groaned, as she brought up the embarrassing nickname. She ruffled his black hair and kissed his forehead one time for good measure.

“George will be so happy to see you, too. You’ve tanned so much. You have to tell me all about it.”

Alex had spent eight months residing in Yorktown during the past year, instead of starting college along with most other eighteen-year-olds. He had been researching for what had just been the inkling of an idea back then but was now a fleshed-out story, halfway through being written with a publication date set approximately three hundred days ahead of him. It was not a lot of time to finish, to edit and to rewrite, but it was what came with his publishing contract.

For the past two weeks, he had been in Vega Alta. Despite being of Puerto Rican heritage, Alex had never been to the country before. But this had not been a vacation. He had been visiting the grave of his mother. It was where she had been born and where she had spent half of her childhood, and then a few years of her adulthood. It had been her favorite place in the world and somewhere she always promised she would take Alex when he was older and they had the money. Sadly, she had passed away before that could happen.

As Alex and Martha walked the short distance between the station and the university gates, he told her in detail all that he had done while away. He had bought her a necklace and a hand carved chess set for George. For the two of them to share, there was a Caribbean cookery book with instructions written in Spanish, French and English, all of which Alex could read.

“Remember, Alex, you don’t have to worry about anything this year. It’s not going to be like high school. You’ll have George and me just ten minutes away.”

Alex had real trouble fitting in during high school. He had only ever been home-schooled and had never been around other children his own age. Living alone, it had been traumatising for him, and all he had seen had scarred him for life. His anxiety grew worse as he began to realize that those who seemed friendly were mocking him. He was a small immigrant boy with a funny accent; an easy target.

Martha took his bags from him, reminding him of which block his dorm was in and that he was in room 51 and would find she had left all of his things there. Upon hearing he would not be home the night before, she had packed up all the things she thought he would need and brought them up to the room already. She asked if he was really sure he wanted to do a triple major; the heavy workload along with his book would give him barely any time for leisure. He assured her this was what he wanted to do, and Martha said goodbye to him. George wanted to see him in one of the lecture halls.

George Washington was a humble professor of history and of politics. He lectured mainly for Columbia but at a few other universities in New York when needed. He was also Alex’s foster father. Not his first foster father. When he was first in America, Alex had stayed in New Jersey with the Livingstons, a nice enough family but unsympathetic to his frequent anxiety attacks and his arriving home badly bruised almost every day. He had been sent over to New York after just a few months, to the Washingtons who _did_ understand. They got him the help they needed, but that did not mean his high school years were any less hellish.

 _New start,_ he told himself as he approached the tall man standing up on the stage. He had to start thinking past tomorrow. He was an adult, a writer. He had deliberately worked on losing his accent, so there would be less to make fun of him for. Perhaps college students were more mature than high schoolers. Who knew? He could have friends by the end of the year. Maybe even a boyfriend or girlfriend.

“Alex,” said George as Alex descended the steps towards him. George was the first one to call him Alex. Before that, it had always been Alexander, or Hamilton to some, but the nickname made him feel at home, like someone actually cared about him. George was not the most affectionate of men but this time, he wrapped his arms tightly around him and gave him a firm hug.

“It’s good to see you, son.” He released him once more. ”Listen, there are some people I’d like you to meet.” He spun him around to face the auditorium where rows and rows of seats faced down at the stage. Two of the seats were occupied with two students who now rose.

“This is one of my students, Lafayette and their friend John. They’re your age but sophomores. Kids, would you like to introduce yourselves?”

Lafayette was tall and gangly with lean arms and long legs They had wild curly hair which was scraped back into a high ponytail and wore a pair of rectangular-framed glasses, behind which sparkled eyelids painted with subtle blue glitter. They had on a pair of skinny jeans, heavy lace-up boots, cuff bracelets up and down their wrists and a tank top customized carefully with beads, sequins and patches. A deep blue scarf was woven around their long neck.

John’s hair was dark brown and curly though not quite as much as Lafayette’s, also tied in a ponytail. He was about two or three inches taller than Alex, and thin. He wore a leather jacket which had an Amnesty International badge clipped onto the lapel and a piece of string around his neck with a tiny charm in the middle. Alex was short-sighted and was not wearing his glasses so he could not be certain, but he thought it was a turtle. He wasn’t focusing much on his clothes, though.

The other boy was gorgeous. His butterscotch skin had faint freckles sparsely spattered across. His jaw was strong and his cheekbones defined. Forest green eyes peered at Alex from under heavy eyelashes. Alex’s writer brain could have spent paragraphs describing every part of him in detail.

John caught Alex staring and beamed back at him, showing his teeth. There was a gap between the two middle ones which in a way made him even more beautiful. No, he was probably just smiling to be nice. He was creeped out by how long Alex had been looking at him, Alex thought. As their eyes met, Alex looked away, back at George instead.

“As you heard, I’m Lafayette.” Alex could detect their French accent.

“C’est votre prénom?”

“Vous parlez français?”

“Ouais. Couramment.”

“Fantastique!” They clapped their hands together. “Non, mon nom complet est Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette." Alex saw John roll his eyes, but was astounded they could remember a name that long by heart. "Lafayette est plus facile, non?”

“Would you two mind switching back to English, please? I need to make sure you’re not bad-mouthing me.”

“Don’t worry, Professor. I would never be rude about you,” Lafayette said. “Before you ask, I am genderfluid, I use they and them pronouns. What about you?”

“He and him.”

“I am considering a major in American history because of your father. He is an incredible teacher, it must be said.”

“Yeah. He is.”

“Thank you, Alex. I appreciate that.”

“I’m John,” John said. “Uh, I use he and him pronouns, I just switched to being a biology major. There’s not much else to say.”

Alex doubted that was it, but instead of enquiring further, he made his own introduction. “I’m Alexander Hamilton. I’m a triple major, English lit, PoliSci and Law. I like writing. I’ve actually been working on a book for the last year, so I did a gap year and…a lot of people say I talk too much so I’ll keep this short.”

“I expect the activities fair has already started. Would you two like to show Alex around?” George asked.

Lafayette nodded eagerly, running forwards  to link arms with Alex. “I am sure we are all going to get on excellently.”

 

* * *

 

“Angelicaaa,” sang the girl in the pink blouse as she walked down the corridor with two cardboard boxes in her arms.

“Elizaaa,” the girl in a blue summer dress to her right joined in. Eliza also carried two boxes.

“AND PEGGY!” shouted the third girl, much smaller than the other two, in a yellow t-shirt and shorts, with a black snapback and a choker on her neck, who skipped along behind them. She was able to skip because she had no boxes of her own; she had somehow manipulated the rest of her family into carrying them for her. Instead, she was playing Pokémon Go on her phone and chewing banana bubblegum.

“The Schuyler Sisters,” all three girls harmonized together.

No one would have thought the three girls were sisters from looking at them. Angelica was a junior, dark-skinned and always clad in pink, with curly, black hair to her shoulders. She was trendy, confident, and popular. Many said she was beautiful. Many more said that she looked like the devil in high heels.

Eliza was pale with a round face, black eyes, chubby cheeks and dark brown hair that hung loose other than two strands which she would tie together with an elastic band at the back of her head. Her color was blue and she was much quieter than her older sister. She did not participate in many clubs and did not go to parties so few people were on first-name terms with her. But those who did knew that everything about her was beautiful, from her appearance to her soul, because she had such a positive, gratuitous outlook on life that she could make just about anyone smile.

Then there was Peggy. Peggy had no idea what people here would think of her, because she was only just starting her freshman year, even though she was just a couple of months younger than Eliza. Her hair which she always wore in a ponytail was light brown and wavy, and her skin a shade in between Angelica’s and Eliza’s.

The only means she had of describing her personality was what people in high school thought of her and what she thought of herself. For starters, she was loud. Secondly, she had been the school troublemaker, unafraid to show when she disliked someone or sometimes when she liked someone by pulling pranks on them. People thought of her as the cute one, the baby sister, something she was incredibly opposed to.

Her color was a sunny yellow. She had always been a sporty kid, having played baseball, softball and basketball for the entire span of her education. She was also a self-proclaimed phone addict and had been playing Pokémon Go non-stop all summer. She had now reached level 24, but intended to get much further than that.

Behind them, six year old Cathy – who also carried one of Peggy’s boxes – moaned that she was not included in the song. Eight year old Cornelia explained to her for the fifth time that day that Cathy hadn’t even been born when Angelica came up with the song and plus it would sound silly if it went “Angelicaaa, Elizaaa, and Peggy, and Cornelia, and Cathy.”

“Let’s see what Pokémon there are nearby. Pidgey, pidgey, weedle, spearow, pidgey. This sucks!”

“Peggy, I would hope you would be doing something better than playing that game your entire time at college,” her mother said sternly as she looked over her daughter’s shoulder, pulling along her suitcase. Catherine Schuyler was strikingly similar to Angelica. Arguably, she was strikingly similar to her two youngest daughters but that was purely based on appearance. With Angelica, as well as sharing the thin, triangular face and curls, she was an alarming presence upon those she interacted with and passionate about history, exactly like her eldest daughter.

“Oh, yes, I’ll definitely be doing _something_ better. Like her.” She pointed to a pretty red-headed girl who was fast approaching them along the corridor.

“ _Margarita Schuyler_!”

“What? I’m sorry, I don’t know any better. I’m only eight, remember?”

“What does that mean, mom?” Cathy asked

“Nothing, sweetie. Peggy’s just being naughty again.”

“Just like I’ll be with her.”

“Mom, look, it’s Peggy’s RA,” said Eliza, wishing to spare Peggy from being in anymore trouble. She pointed to a nervous-looking girl of about Angelica’s age, who had a clipboard, a folder filled with keys and a Columbia t-shirt on.

Their mother strode up to her. “Hello, my daughter is Margarita Schuyler,” she said in her fancy, businesswoman voice which Peggy had heard whenever her parents had been called into the principal’s office after Peggy had set off firecrackers in the halls or been caught hacking into the school database. Catherine beckoned Peggy over.

“Hello, welcome to Columbia,” the girl smiled, superficially. “I’m Esther, I’m your RA. You’ll be able to find me just down the hall.” She pointed in a vague direction and took Peggy’s hand, shaking it firmly, before handing her a key and a pack of papers.

“These are all the rules of accommodation. I’ll run you through some of the most important ones: No pets allowed, noise should be kept at minimum, smoking is not allowed in rooms or any building on campus and no boys allowed to stay in your room overnight,” Esther said all in one breath. Eliza giggled at the last part, turning it into a cough as her mother looked around.

Peggy’s dorm was halfway down the hall, and her family stood around, blocking anyone else from passing while she turned the key in the lock. There were many more boxes back in their car which was able to seat all seven Schuylers and more people if it were needed. Those boxes were of course for Angelica and Eliza, but as it was Peggy’s first year, her room was to be sorted out first.

The room was bare. Bare and plain and smaller than Peggy’s own room back at home. This was strange as the room was to be shared by two girls. The only pieces of furniture were the basics; the bed, stripped of its sheets, the dresser, two desks and two chairs.

“You could do so much with this place,” said Eliza, excitedly. “Some nice curtains, and if you put your posters up here—”

“Peggy, you know your roommate is called Martha Manning?” said their mom, completely cutting Eliza off.

“Yeah,” Peggy replied. As a matter of fact, she did not know that, but she was not ready to get in trouble again. You were supposed to try and contact your roommate once you had all their details, but Peggy had been away for most of the summer, and been too tired to do any of the things she was supposed to do in the last week.

“Good, good. And you know Eliza’s only upstairs if you need her.”

“Mom, it’s fine. We’ll take care of her,” Angelica assured her. The woman was close to tears as Angelica put her hand on her shoulder. She embraced Peggy and kissed her forehead.

“Look at my little girl. All grown up.”

“Yeah, right,” muttered Angelica.

“You be good, now.” Peggy tried to guess what her mother was thinking. Presumably, she was feeling sorry for all the teachers who were going to have to put up with her mischievous daughter for the next nine months.

“She’ll be fine,” said Angelica, again.

Peggy went around, bidding each family member goodbye. She hugged her father who had barely spoken for the whole journey, and Cornelia, and Cathy who she also kissed on the cheek much to the young girl’s disgust. She leapt into Angelica’s arms, like she was a child again, even though she would be seeing Angelica every day. Angelica could barely lift her off her toes now.

Then, they were all gone. Peggy watched the door click shut as Eliza walked out last. Time to start unpacking.

She had just made her way to the first box when a girl walked in. Her hair was dyed ginger and up in a messy bun, and she wore dungarees with a plaid shirt wrapped around her waist.

 “Martha?” she questioned. That was what her mother said her roommate was called, just minutes before.

“Mattie,” she corrected her. “And you’re tequila.” Mattie laughed at her own joke. Peggy giggled along with her, even though she had heard it all a hundred times before. She always got on with people who could open with a joke. “Margarita.”

“Actually, everyone calls me Peggy. Like Peggy Carter, except Peggy Schuyler instead. Agent Schuyler. Agent Schuyler is nowhere near as awesome as Agent Carter though.”

“Agent Carter? That’s from Captain America _,_ right?”

Peggy nodded.

“Never really been into superhero movies, myself, but that one’s great.”

“Really? I think they’re all great.”

“I guess so, but there aren’t that many women are there?”

Angelica had made this comment multiple times, and Peggy agreed. In fact, Mattie saying this made her appreciate her even more. But Peggy had learnt to look past the sexism (and racism and every form of prejudice in the book) as she genuinely enjoyed the movies.

Peggy unpacked the contents of the first box which was filled with posters. Angelica had bought her some of them, such as her feminist banner and rainbow flag which she hoped Mattie would not mind. She had posters of the US women’s softball team, and some prints from Marvel comics as well.

As they unpacked, they chatted. Mattie, she discovered, came from Charleston, South Carolina. She knew quite a few people around here; she had a boyfriend called John who was a sophomore. She was a major in Biochemistry and a minor in Physics. She was particularly interested in particle Physics.

“Basically I like to make things go boom.”

Her dad was English and her mom Japanese-American. She was an only child, which was why she was excited to be sharing a room with Peggy. It meant they could be like sisters, she said. She loved binging various shows on Netflix and cats. Peggy also loved cats.

Just as Peggy was switching on her lava lamp from the second box someone knocked on the door. Mattie went to answer it and Eliza walked in. She could not see how she had settled into her own room so quickly.

“We’re going to the activities fair. Angie and Theo are meeting us outside.”

“Do I have to?” Peggy complained. She would be fine any other time going to a social event, but usually social events that she could deal with took place at night. Right now, she just wanted to lie down on her bed and maybe watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier _,_ for the hundredth time online. “It will be _lame._ ”

“Angelica says you have to.” She took her little sister’s hand. “Come on, Peg. It should be fun.”

 

* * *

 

“We’re so lucky to be alive right now.” Eliza pointed to Peggy to the stall for Mosaic, the Columbia Gay-Straight Alliance, of which Angelica was already a member.

“Fifty years ago, they wouldn’t have had this. They probably wouldn’t have even ten years ago. Things are starting to change.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Peggy swiped across on her phone. She was playing Candy Crush _._ “This is boring. The only thing I’m interested in is the stand-up comedy classes. Can we go yet?”

“This is going to be a good year, I can feel it,” Angelica said. She looked around as she spoke, her mind constantly calculating everything she could about every person she saw and sizing them up. That was one of Angelica’s talents; being able to read people. She said she knew her sisters like she knew her own mind, but Eliza reckoned she at least knew every other person at least as well as her own hair; Angelica rarely had bad hair days and most of the time, it sat in perfect ringlets on her shoulders.

She was checking out the competition, Eliza thought. Which people to be wary of, which people to never talk to, which people she would have to watch out for; they could steal her position as presidents of all those student clubs she was in charge of. Angelica attended so many clubs, it was impossible for Eliza to know the names of all of them. What she did know was that the year before had not been the best for Angelica and now she wanted to make a difference. She was going to be running for the president of Alpha Xi Delta; the biggest sorority on campus which Angelica had been a member of since halfway through her own freshman year.

“You two are totally coming with me to GSA, by the way. No one will believe that the Schuyler Sisters manage to take three of the four letters in LGBT.”

“Technically, we could take four of them,” said Peggy. “Because I could call myself gay.”

“The G is only meant for gay men, Peggy,” said Eliza.

“Yeah, but men are disgusting, so we’ll just give it to the lesbians.”

“Give me a minute, you guys,” Angelica told them as a boy went up to the GSA stand. “Just gotta say hi to him. Eliza, watch her,” she instructed.

Eliza looked around at Peggy, who was off her phone and staring into the distance.“Is that who I think it is?” Peggy darted away, off into the crowd, and Eliza sighed as she ran after her. It had been but a few seconds and she had not managed to do what Angelica told her.

When she found Peggy, she was in front of the stall for the Native American Council, talking to a shorter girl with a thin face, dark hair in braids and a t-shirt for Wicked _._

“Eliza, look. Look who it is!” Peggy jumped in th _e_ air excitedly and now Eliza recognized the girl. It had been about two years since they last saw each other.

Dolley Payne. Otherwise known as Eliza’s high school girlfriend.

“Hey, Eliza. I didn’t know you came here.” Back when Eliza and Dolley had been a couple (which had only been for three months), Angelica had been about to start at Columbia, but Eliza had decided she wanted to go to a music school, and Dolley was going to go to theater school. This was before she did her work experience in the orphanage and realized she would much rather be a major in social work.

“Peggy, I turn my back for one second and you’re gone,” Angelica came running over. “Oh, hi, Dolley. Didn’t know you were coming here.”

“Well, it’s been nice to see y’all. I was actually about to check out the musical theater club, so I gotta go.”

“Wait, Dolley. Can I get your number?” This question came from Peggy, Peggy who befriended every person you went on a date with and then ranked them. Peggy had particularly liked Dolley because of her connections in the world of Broadway, so she thought she might be able to meet some celebrities and sell their autographs online. As Dolley took Peggy’s phone in its cat case, Angelica turned to Eliza.

“Anyway, Eliza, I found there’s an association for animal protection. There’s a music group, there’s a French culture group, a social work students association. Of course, you’re coming to Mosaic and the Feminist Alliance.”

Peggy returned to them and Eliza took her hand, tightly, to make sure she didn’t run off again.

“It sure is hot. There’s nothing like summer in the city.” Angelica inhaled deeply, clearly irritated as a man with a shaven head came over to speak to her. Eliza knew he was there to hit on her sister and she also could see why he found it so hot that day; he had on a purple, woolen coat and a thick scarf wound around his neck.

He held his hand out in front of his face, as he carried on speaking. Eliza wondered if he had written down what he wanted to say, just in case he got it wrong. If this was the case, he was not being subtle at all. “Um, I was wondering…did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” Peggy pulled her hand out of Eliza’s and the two of them shared a look. Peggy had one eyebrow raised as if to ask “ _Seriously?_ ” The man was nervous and had no game.

 “Boo!” Peggy said, her hands cupped around her mouth to amplify her voice. “Get off the stage! You suck!”

“Ah, very funny. Because my name’s Angelica. It isn’t like I’ve heard that a hundred times before.” Angelica inspected her nails as she spoke to him, nails which Eliza had painted pink and stuck gems on for her that morning. “Burr, these are my sisters: Eliza and Peggy. Girls, this is Aaron Burr. Tries to win me over with some bad pick-up line every year.”

Burr wiped his forehead which was covered in sweat, and turned to leave. “I’ll see you in class, Angelica?”

“Looks like it.” Angelica held out her hand to Eliza, giving her the leaflets.

“Angelica, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

“Yes I did. You’re my little sister. You want to be involved in more activities, be more social, I’m going to help you. I have three goals for this year: making campus safer, keeping control of Peggy and helping you build your confidence.”

“I made a list of things I want to do this year, a few weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah? What’ve you got?”

“Joining more groups, reading one book a week. Um…getting to twenty k subscribers. Doing a charity event raising money for the orphanage. Volunteering at the animal shelter. And…No. I can’t. I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“It’s too embarrassing.” Eliza covered her eyes, a habit of hers.

“Go on.”

“Fine. It’s learning to beatbox.”

 

* * *

 

After dinner, a freshly-washed Alex climbed the single flight of stairs to John and Lafayette’s room. He had changed out of the sweaty hoodie he had been wearing for the past three days, and put on a pale blue shirt which Martha had brought for him and which he planned on wearing to classes. The top two buttons were undone and his reading glasses tucked into one of the front pockets.

His hair was swept back into a bun with liberal amounts of hair gel and he had shaven away the uneven stubble growing on his chin. He wanted to make a good impression.

Room 127. Alex knocked at the door and stood back as he heard movement behind it. The door opened and he wondered if he had possibly got the room number wrong.

It was not John or Lafayette who had answered but a very well-built man with a bandanna wrapped around his head. He was enormous. He must have been well over six feet tall, with arms like tree trunks and a chest that strained against his large shirt. He made the already short Alex feel as small as a fly. He must have the wrong room.

“You Alex?” he boomed, his voice deep and loud.

“Yeah, yeah. I am. Hi.” He looked around, nervously. “I’m looking for John and Lafayette. I only met them a few hours ago and they said to meet them here so—”

“Alex,” a voice called from out of sight and Lafayette appeared in the doorway next to the burly man. It was surprising to see that Lafayette was actually about two inches taller than the stranger. Yet, this perspective did not make the huge man smaller in Alex’s eyes; it just made him feel like he was shrinking towards the ground. “It’s good to see you again. Did you enjoy the fair?”

He had enjoyed the fair a lot, seeing all of the activities he would be able to attend. He had collected a stack of leaflets a foot high. He had got to spend some time talking with the others, especially with John. The charm on his necklace _had_ been a turtle. John loved turtles, and other animals, too. They were one of the things he found the most fascinating and he wanted to help save animals, which was why he had changed to biology. He had mentioned that his dad was not delighted about that, but not touched much on the topic.

Alex liked when John smiled at what he had to say. John made a lot of bad puns which both of them laughed at and Alex could not count the number of times he had lost his train of thought in the middle of a sentence, which caused John to chuckle. _He was probably just trying to be polite_ , a voice whispered in the back of his mind. Yet, still, he found it easy to make conversation with him. His foster father knew him well to have found to people so interesting to talk to and satisfying to befriend.

“Yeah, it was really fun. I was actually wondering if I could show you what I thought I might try, you know, so you can tell me if it’s good or not. And I have my timetable so you could tell me what my teachers are like.”

“Yes. Come in, Alex. This is our friend, Hercules.”

Alex could not hold back a small smile.

“You think my name’s funny?” Hercules growled.

“N-no. I’m sorry, I just—”

Hercules and Lafayette started laughing, wickedly. Lafayette was slapping their friend on the back and Hercules bent down to ruffle Alex’s hair.

“He’s cute.”

“Careful, you scared him.”

“I wasn’t scared.” Alex said quickly and folded his arms.

“You must join us. We are playing strip twister.” Lafayette led Alex in by the shoulder as Alex wondered what strip twister could possibly be. “Do not be afraid of Mulligan. He appears very scary but he is actually a, how you say?” Using large hand movements, they stroked their chin. “Teddy bear!” they finally exclaimed.

Alex did a double take as his eyes fell upon the fourth member of their group. John was in a bridge position across a Twister board, looking at Alex upside down. His ponytail just brushed the floor as he held himself up, his jaw clenching with the effort. And he was not wearing a shirt.

His chest heaved inwards and outwards and as Alex took another step closer, he saw the freckles marking him from his neck down to his hip bones. It was incredible that even his chest had them, though they were lighter from being exposed to less sun. Alex took a deep breath and averted his eyes, looking instead at the furniture.

This dorm was more capacious than his and the three roommates had used that to their advantage; pushed up against the wall was one bunk bed and one single bed on the other side. On this bed, the quilt looked as if it were hand-stitched. Rings made from different fabrics were sewn onto a white blanket. The duvet on the bottom bunk was patterned with cartoon turtles. It must have been John’s.

In the remaining space, there was a box television opposite a well-loved couch, the kind that had lived many long years and had many owners. In one corner, there was a sewing machine and a half-body mannequin with a square of pink material pinned on. Like in Alex’s room, there was a mini fridge, but a small oven with a stove on top and a kitchen cupboard stood next to it.

Stacked up on John’s bedside table were CDs for which bands he could not see. On top of them was a miniature Millennium Falcon model and above hung various posters which included a Star Wars poster, some indie band prints and a drawing of many animals woven together. Above it hung a long banner for Black Lives Matter. Alex was starting to like John more and more by every wavering second.

“I swear, Laf, I’m going to get a jar and you have to put in a dollar every time you say ‘how you say,’” said Hercules. Hercules Mulligan. That was an incredible, legendary name, literally. It sounded like the name of a rapper or a superhero, as well as the demigod. It was also a lot to live up to.

“This is bullying. You are bullying me for being a foreigner and I’m reporting you.”

“You speak fluent English!”

“John, you may get up now. We are,” they looked directly at Herc, “ _how you say_? Restarting.”

“Damn. I was kicking your asses.”

“Tell that to your hairless chest. Dude, get your shirt back on and sit down.” Around the Twister board, the four of them sat for Herc to explain the rules to the game. It was simplistic enough. It was the same as usual Twister, except that if you fell over, you had to remove one item of clothing. Alex regretted now leaving an outer layers back in his dorm and found it odd that for a game involving stripping, Lafayette only wore a tank top and leggings, as well as that John who also had a belt, socks and shoes on had opted to take off his t-shirt first.

 Lafayette spun first and put their right foot down on a blue circle at a precarious angle; their body made a right-angled triangle with them facing upwards. It was as if they were trying to lose.

“Laf just wants a chance to take their clothes off,” whispered John.

“Anyway, you’re probably wondering how I came to be friends with these two losers,” said Herc. It was as if he was dying to tell him. “’Bout a year ago, these two knuckleheads were getting themselves rip-roaring drunk in an almost empty bar. ‘Didn’t have ID on them, and were going to be thrown out, so I had to step in. ‘Bartender knew me. ‘Told him they were friends of mine and were definitely twenty one and had to bring them back home.”

“He’s like our mom,” said Lafayette.

“I’m not your mom.”

“You fit the role perfectly. That’s just what she said.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“John, do you see it there? He is bullying me for being French.” It was Alex’s turn. He had to put his left hand down on a red circle which was easy enough.

“Yeah, and now we’re all roommates,” John finished for the pair of them as he spread his arm in front of Alex’s head. “There aren’t many triples, but the teachers love Laf, so they managed to get us one. ‘Course Herc’s a senior so he’s gonna be gone soon.”

“Oh, by the way, you interested in any new clothes?” Herc asked. “I’m a textiles major and have a small business up and running. Got shirts, pants, coats, jackets and hats if you need them. I can give you your first item for free. If you tell your friends.”

“That would be great. The problem is, I don’t really know anyone here.”

“You have a roommate, no? Who is it? We may know them,” said Laf.

“Some junior called Aaron Burr.” All of the others fell about, cackling. “What?”

“He’s got Blurgh! I love that guy.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah,” Herc replied. “Great memories shared there. Great times together. What smart advice did he give you?”

“I was talking to him about classes and asking what they’d be like and how I could get on good terms with teachers. He just told me to talk less. And smile more.”

“Incredible Blurgh advice right there.” Alex could guess he would find out more about the relationship between these three and Burr in future.

John slipped for the first time then, and fell flat on his face. The other three all laughed as John removed a single sock.

“What do you like doing in your free time, Alex?” John asked him. “Like hobbies and all that?”

“Actually, I don’t have much free time. I have a lot of work to do. I want to get an internship in a law firm and I wanted to get a job, maybe in retail.”

“John works in retail. You could get him a job, right?”

John nodded.

“But I’m working on a book. I’m getting it published as well.”

“Ooh, you must tell us what it is about,” Lafayette said as they lifted their sequined tank top over their head. Halfway through it got stuck on their ponytail until Herc had to leave his position on the board to help them pull it off, and thus forfeited his jacket. Alex suspected Laf had done this on purpose, judging on their smirk.

So Alex told them. He told them of the two soldiers fighting side by side in the revolutionary war; Josiah coming from poverty, looking to die in glory, and Robert from a family of old money who just wanted some excitement. He told them of the love between them, and he told them the best part: neither of them would die. It was strange that stories of love between two men or two women could only be released if they ended in tragedy.

Herc and Lafayette were both listening, Laf drinking a smoothie that Herc had gotten out the mini fridge for them. Meanwhile, John looked on intently, and he could swear he saw some sadness there. Was the other man perhaps bored?

“That sounds…really interesting,” John complimented him when he was done. “Did you come up with the idea on your own?”

Alex scoffed. “Of course.”

“And you’re a triple major. I heard PoliSci is a shitload of work. Tough luck. Apparently all the classes are boring to death other than when Washington takes them.”

“That is true. Professor Washington makes everything fun.”

“Laf loves Washington. They see him as some kind of surrogate father.”

“And of course, Mulligan is my mother.”

“Anyway,” Herc said, ignoring them. “Why PoliSci?”

“Well, I’ve always been interested in politics. And I want to be a writer, but I couldn’t just be a writer. I’d have to be a lawyer, too, or do something political. And we need to face it, this country, it needs sorting out. We need to handle our tax situation. There are homeless people here who can’t get jobs and can’t afford to pay taxes, and then we have all these rich people who are avoiding them. And no one thinks this is a serious issue, because they’re trying too hard to keep out immigrants, which I have a lot to say about, obviously. And then, there’s the wars. We keep shedding blood for the sake of peace, and we need to stop it. We need to find another solution or the fighting will never end. We’re just creating an endless cycle of vengeance and death. Our government is going to shit and we need to do something about it now.”

Suddenly self-conscious, he looked at the others. Herc was leaning on the couch behind him with his jaw dropped. Laf had put down their smoothie and they two were lost for words. Right beside him, John was grinning wildly from ear to ear. Had he said something wrong?

“Sorry, sometimes I get overexcited. I’ve never really had friends before.” _Shit, I just called them my friends._ It was too early for that still. He had blown all chances of ever being a part of their group.

Then John put his arm around him and laughed. “We need to get this guy in front of a crowd.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Hamilton fic so please leave feedback and correct me if I've made French grammar mistakes or know nothing about the American education system. I am not from America and I only took French up to GCSE (exams in England at 15/16).


	2. Made in the Shade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so here it is: the second chapter and sorry it's a long one again. TW for brief homophobic language.  
> I wanted to make a few notes about character appearance so for all characters who appear in the musical, imagine them looking the same as the Original Broadway Cast actors but college age obviously. I've kind of changed some small details about them from the musical like Angelica and Laf both wear glasses and I've messed around with height. I'm going with the fandom wide decision that Alex is really small so he's about 5'7" like the real Hamilton was, Burr is a bit taller than in the musical because I recently discovered that Leslie is shorter than Lin. I've also made Madison really short like he was in real life. Everyone else is pretty much the same as the cast.  
> For characters that don't appear in the musical, I like finding fcs for them so the three major ones are Mattie, Dolley and Theo. I imagine Hayley Kiyoko as Mattie, Tanaya Beatty as Dolley and Nicolette Robinson (Leslie Odom Jr.'s actual wife) as Theo and sorry for taking you through this whole wild ride of character details.

A little over one week into college and Alex walked into his first class taught by George.

So far, he had not made any friends outside of his small group. It was early still. That could change. He had spoken to a few other freshmen at orientation but not for long enough to get more than a name before they went to see someone more interesting.

None of them would be in this class, anyway. Alex had signed up for the more advanced classes, convinced he could handle them, and from what he could see as he made his way up the stairs of the small lecture hall, all the others in here were juniors and seniors.

He spotted Burr a few rows from the front. Burr was a law major, so he had discovered, a minor in politics and they had already had one class together. Alex waved to him. Burr promptly put his umbrella into the free seat next to him and scowled.

Alex soon found himself seated next to a student he knew from his English, a frat boy called James Madison. Madison did not have the characteristics of a stereotypical frat boy. He was not loud; he seemed almost shy. He dressed in unfashionable yet smart turtleneck sweaters. He was short, like Alex. In fact, he was a good few inches shorter than Alex. Unlike Alex, however, he gave off a small presence, staying hunched over in corners away from everyone else.

No one had to know George was his father just yet. He did not want accusations of favoritism, but on the other hand, if Washington showed a liking to Alex with no one knowing their connection, there could end up being rumors of an affair between them. It would not be the first time that had happened to Alex.

Alex tried to start up conversation with Madison. The other man would only reply with grunts.This was a sure fire sign that he was uninterested. He tried not to let it affect him, though goosebumps had risen to the surface of his skin at the thought he was irritating everyone; he had a similar interaction with Burr earlier that day. Instead, he got out his laptop and opened a new document, ready to take notes.

Someone clambered over Alex, someone with what he thought was appalling fashion taste. A bright purple waistcoat, with a diamond pattern, and a matching bow tie, and he carried a shiny cane under his arm. The man strode confidently and as he pushed past Alex without so much as an “excuse me,” he caught a whiff of his toxic body spray which somehow managed to flood all his senses. It made Alex want to be sick.

Surrounding his thin face was the largest mass of curls Alex had ever seen, that it must have made up a foot of his height; without it he still would have been taller than most people Alex knew. Why did everyone have to be so tall? He seated himself beside Madison.

“Hey, Mads,” he drawled in a Southern accent, smiling with a smile that made him look far too pleased with himself. He sat confidently with arms crossed over his lap and his legs extended out over the seat in front like it was a foot rest. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing. Professor Washington isn’t here yet, Thomas.”

“Typical,” muttered a man sitting in front of them. Alex glared as the boy looked around to them. He had a face like a rat and a floppy fringe. He hated him on sight.

Washington came in through the door at the back and the boy with the rat face shut what Alex thought was far too wide a mouth. He had no unpacking or setting up to do; he was prepared to begin teaching right away.

“Good morning, class. Welcome to Politics ---. For those of you who don’t know, I am Professor—” He picked up a marker and wrote on the whiteboard. “George Washington.  There are a few familiar faces in here.” His eyes settled on Alex. “But I want to get to know my students so will start by seeing where you stand on certain political issues.” He picked up a clipboard and read from it.

“Miss Knox.” A girl in the front row stood up and George asked her a question. “Could you explain your views on gun control?”

Soon, the entire class were involved in this discussion, students raising their hands up and down the aisles. Alex kept making points and then putting his hand up again, realizing he had missed something, but George only allowed his input twice. Each time, he addressed him as ‘Mr Hamilton,’ making sure not to show their connection.

“America is a fantastic country, don’t get me wrong, but when we have guns, we risk so many more lives, and that’s one of our biggest flaws—”

“Yes, thank you, Mr Hamilton.” George flicked through to the next slide on his powerpoint. The title ‘How Involved Should Government Be in Our Lives?” appeared in an elegant font Alex did not recognize. “Mr Jefferson?”

The man next to Madison stood up. He shared a grin with Madison and then caught Alex staring at him. Still smiling, he scanned him up and down, looking unimpressed. Finally, he looked to the front of the room.

“Yes, sir?”

“Answer this question. In your own view.”

“Sir, I think the government need less involvement in our lives. You see it every day, censorship, and you have to be so careful speaking to people now in case you gonna _offend_ them, or something. Whatever happened to freedom of speech, am I right?”

 _He’s not even good_ , thought Alex. _He didn’t even give examples of censorship. He can’t seriously be in this class._

“Interesting input,” said George, and Alex could not believe the utter betrayal. His foster father had just referred to the stream of crap flowing from Jefferson’s mouth as ‘interesting.’ How could he do this? “How do you feel about the government getting involved in our lives when it comes to cases of services such as education and healthcare?”

“Ha. That’s the issue. Our government needs to stop giving money away to the freeloaders and immigrants, or we’re going to end up in serious debt. Look, our poorest citizens need help, but this is a country made on hard work. And I’m sorry, if you want to get anywhere in the world, you need to get up and get a job instead of wasting our taxes.”

Halfway through this, Alex put up his hand as high in the air as he could. George looked worriedly upon him and turned back to Jefferson, deliberately not making eye contact with Alex. Because his technique was not working, he stood up, just in the hope he would eventually be noticed. He could not put up with it. Not the hatred towards immigrants, the hatred to the poor, both of which Alex had been. It felt like a personal attack, something he could not just ignore, and not call out.

“Mr Hamilton, wait your turn.”

“Professor, I just wanted to ask Jefferson why he felt the need to bring immigrants into this.” He went on, before George could stop him, leaning forwards so he could see Jefferson past Madison. “You know our country was built by immigrants? All of us have immigrant ancestors.”

“Mr Hamilton, this is not the debate team.”

“I’m an immigrant and you’re an immigrant, but you’re also a hypocrite. And another thing: are you aware that some people can’t even get well enough paid jobs to be able to afford college. Your family probably can, but some of us struggle and not because we don’t work hard. We probably work even harder than you and your family and you can’t say people should have to be denied healthcare. Healthcare is a necessary part of life, but capitalism—”

“ALEX!” George shouted, his voice reverberating around the room. It was so loud that Madison jumped in his seat and proceeded to sneeze three times. Alex muttered a “bless you” to him, before he began another sneezing fit and fumbled in his pockets for a tissue.

Everyone was looking at Alex. Some were laughing, Jefferson among them. Madison just looked incredibly uncomfortable, while Burr shook his head. What was worst was the look on George’s face. Aware of his slip up, he was ashamed, he was tired, and he was disappointed. It gave Alex a cold chill, as if he were under the waves on the shores of Nevis during the evening. It always was bearable until you went under. That was when things got scary.

“Mr Hamilton.” He quickly corrected his mistake. “Sit down. I don’t want to have to make anyone leave during the first class.” He changed the slide again. The title read ‘Written Vs. Unwritten.’

“We’re going to take some notes now."

 

* * *

 

“Congratulations, ladies. You two were the most suitable recruits for the mission.”

“Uh, Peggy?” Dolley asked. She was seated cross-legged on Mattie’s bed, Mattie at her side. The dorm was now fully decorated. Posters of wide-eyed cats cuddling with each other in lush green fields adorned every wall among the softball players and superhero teams. “Why are you talking like that?”

“Dolley, you’re ruining it,” Peggy moaned, and fell down beside them. “I was doing my secret agent boss voice.”

“Let her keep doing it. I think it’s kind of hot,” said Mattie.

“So here’s the deal: every year in high school I pulled small pranks. You know the usual like setting off stink bombs in the corridor. But this year, I wanna do something big. So I need you two to help me. You’re like my squad now. The Peggy squad. You’re my minions. Mattie, you’d be the brains behind the operation. With your knowledge of chemistry, who knows what kind of explosives we could make.”

“Harmless ones, I hope,” said Dolley.

“And Dolley.” Peggy turned to face her, pointing her finger in the other girl’s face. “With your theater contacts—”

“I don’t have many theater contacts.”

“We could get horror movie makeup, fake chainsaws and fake knives, or maybe a guest appearance from Anne Hathaway.”

“Why would I know Anne Hathaway?”

“You were in Les Mis weren’t you?”

“The stage version, not the movie, Peggy.”

“That sucks.”

“So what are you going to be then? The pretty face?” Mattie asked.

“Stop teasing me!”

“I wasn’t. I’m just telling the truth.” Mattie winked at her and Peggy blushed.

“Anyway, we need something big, like I said. Something people remember. A hundred years from now, they’ll have a building here named after me. Maybe they’ll actually have more buildings named after women by then. And they’ll be bushes outside named after you two.”

“Having a bush named after me. Peggy, that would just be an honor. It’s always been my dream to have a bush named after me,” Mattie said.

“Well, when you become a world famous…um…sciencey-person…everyone will want to come and water your bush…so it’s actually an honor.” Peggy did not quite know what she had tried to say. She had lost her train of thought. Pretty girls always had this effect on her. Especially straight girls with boyfriends.

“So come on, let’s get to work.”

“Sorry,” Dolley said the second Peggy had shut her mouth. It was as if she had meant to say something the whole time but politely held it in. “This really does sound fun. It really does and I’ll help at some point. But right now, I have a guitar lesson.”

Dolley grabbed her things; her backpack and guitar case, and left as quickly as she could, leaving the two roommates alone with each other.

“I don’t know much about huge pranks that everyone will remember for a century,” Mattie admitted. “But if you wanted stink bombs, I could get you some.” The ginger girl shuffled closer to Peggy and put her pinky finger onto the rim of her elbow. “Free of charge, of course.”

Stink bombs were childish, but that would not stop Peggy resorting to their use. Peggy thrived on childishness. She was the baby of the Schuyler Sisters group of three; to get what she wanted, she had to be childish.

“How are you gonna get them?”

“Easy. I’ll make them.” Mattie encircled her hand around Peggy’s elbow and roughly dragged her to her feet. She dragged her over to her desk; her desk which had become her second science laboratory. Empty test tubes were stood side by side in a stand, next to a Bunsen burner and a box of matches. Would she be in trouble for any of this potentially dangerous equipment? Peggy only asked this for a second. What were the chances any actual harm would be done to them?

“Here.” She took two pairs of plastic safety goggles and placed one on Peggy’s nose, pushing the few strands of hair that weren’t in her ponytail behind her ears. “I wouldn’t want your pretty face to be ruined.”

Peggy looked down to hide that once again she was blushing as Mattie got some flasks of chemicals out of her top drawer.

“The easiest one to make is from ammonium sulfide. I can react ammonia with sulfuric acid and once it reacts with the air, you get hydrogen sulfide, which causes the rotten eggs smell.”

“The only science I’ll ever be interested in: the science behind causing trouble.”

“I’m not gonna do it here, because that would smell terrible, like it’s meant to.”

“And people might sniff what we’re up to.” Peggy nudged Mattie in the ribs. “Get it?”

Mattie laughed, a lot louder than anyone else did at her jokes.

“Then, another easy homemade one is made of hair. Ever had your hair set on fire?”

“No.”

“I have. Some guys in high school thought it would be funny if they threw a lighter at my hair. The fire was out before it did much damage, but the school grounds smelt terrible for days. All we have to do is cut a bit of our hair, wrap it in newspaper and light it, then throw it. But, we want something a bit more exciting than just a bad smell. How about colorful smoke?”

She poured a clear liquid into a measuring cylinder, one drop at a time. Not wanting to bore Peggy with the complicated chemistry behind this, she made conversation with her.

“So what do you want to be?”

“What do you mean?”

“After college? What do you wanna do?”

“Um, I dunno.”

“Haven’t thought about it?”

“No, no. I just have so many ideas. My sisters know exactly what they want. Angelica wants to be a historian ‘cause she’s boring and Eliza wants to work with children and she has this dream of opening her own orphanage. Also Cornelia wants to be very specifically a marine biologist and Cathy wanted to be a ballerina but now she wants to be a ninja. But there are so many things I want to do.”

“Oh yeah? For example?”

“Well, I’d like to be a policewoman, but not a douchey one who goes round killing people for no reason. Kind of just want some action and adventure. Or maybe a computer hacker for the CIA.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I know it’s super nerdy and uncool but I went to computer club all through middle school and first two years of high school, so I picked up some skills. Also, it would be awesome to be a spy. Or an FBI agent. I could live a double life. Lesbian comedian by day, Agent Peggy Schuyler by night.”

“A comedian?”

“I’m funny. There’s loads that hasn’t been done in the world of gay humor.”

“Go on then. Tell me your best joke.”

“Okay.” Peggy clapped her hands together. There was one she had told countless times, without much of a reaction. She came up with it herself months ago. Her parents had not been at all impressed with it. Angelica and Eliza did not understand until she had elaborated. “What did the TV lesbian say after she had sex with her girlfriend for the first time?”

Mattie pulled a puzzled face as she unscrewed the lid to a jar of shavings of a kind of metal. “What?”

“Nothing, because she was dead!”

Mattie fell backwards onto the floor because she was laughing so much. “Oh—my—God,” she said, gasping as tears formed under her eyelids.

“You got it?”

“Yeah. It’s hilarious. You need to book a gig at a gay bar. You’d bring the house down. Now, stand back.”

“What?”

Peggy only had moments to back away before Mattie dropped a piece of metal into the flask which now contained a blue liquid. There was a fizzing as bubbles rose to the surface of the solution. The metal was dissolving and changing. There was a popping noise and blue steam rose into the air, almost reaching the ceiling of their dorm. Once it had all wafted away, the girls high fived.

“THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!” Peggy shrieked.

“I know. It’s what I do best. That and being a hot scientist.”

“Like Cosima from _Orphan Black_?”

“Yeah.” Peggy found it a little odd that Mattie understood all her references to LGBT television series, but her thought were distracted when she spotted her phone on the floor a few feet from her. The screen lit up, telling her she had a new text from Angelica. Upon opening up the chat, she found she in fact had quite a few texts from Angelica, all sent during the past hour.

**Devilica** _16:45_

What the fuck are u doing in the library

 **Devilica** _16:47_

Nvm it’s not u just someone who looks like u but with better hair xx

 **Devilica** _16:47_

Maybe she’s a long lost biological relative

 **Devilica** _16:59_

She’s actually really cool imma set her up with Eliza

 **Devilica** _17:16_

SOME KID’S SHOUTING AT JEFFERSON!!!!!

 **Devilica** _17:17_

In serious u have to get over to lower library now HISTORY IS HAPPENING

 **Devilica** _17:17_

*I’m

 

Peggy turned to Mattie. “Hey, wanna come to the library with me?”

Mattie frowned but nodded. “Sure. Got nothing better to do.”

 

* * *

 

The boy with the black hair was here again. He was always here when she was here, it would seem. Angelica would come to the library at weekends and after her classes and he would either be there as if waiting for her arrival or would traipse in a few minutes later and sit himself at the same table with a huge stack of books and his laptop. She now had to question if she had a stalker.

It could just be nothing. Angelica had thought it was just nothing and that she was worrying for no reason last year. What a disaster that had turned out to be.

She took a glance at him now and then turned back to her notes. Hopefully, her pair of pink glasses concealed people from seeing her eyes darting towards him every few minutes. He was just a kid, a freshman probably, judging from his size and sloppiness. His hoodies which were all much too big for him and stained, with what she assumed was coffee; he always had at least two coffee cups with him. He took up a whole desk with his books and notebooks and highlighters and folders, as well as his litter which included boxes from the sub joint on campus and packets of potato chips. Sometimes, he would drop crumbs onto the floor, and he chewed loudly. All this she got from looking at him for just a few seconds. She had always been an observant girl.

It was only today that she got a glimpse of his face. As she looked around, she saw that he was looking at her, as well. His face was thin, hunger-pang, above a skinny neck. He had untrimmed stubble all around his mouth and from his features, she thought he must have been foreign, though where from she was not quite sure. His eyes were wide and alert, and intelligent, she would give him that. It sounded like something out of a fantasy movie, but she could tell a lot about people from their eyes alone. The hollows beneath were lilac, the signature of restless nights.

She ought to speak to campus security. Except, they would call her paranoid, just like last time. And yes, she was being paranoid but with good reason.

Now, her eyes fell on another girl who had just entered the room. She was dressed in a color coordinated outfit; a red crop top with a zip cutting her chest in half, a black pencil skirt with silver buttons stitched to the front, red heels and a red purse slung over her arm. It was Peggy. Was she planning on some prank in here, dressing fashionably so her sister wouldn’t recognize her? Well that sure as hell would not work. Angelica texted a quick message to her, asking why she was there.

Peggy turned so her full face could be seen. She had her phone out but there was no indication she had got any text. Looking closer at her, she did not look exactly the same as Peggy. Other than having different dress sense and different hair, this girl’s lips were thicker and painted bright red. Her cheekbones stood out more; she had contoured her face with fantastic brush skills. Her eyebrows were filled in and her eyelashes must have been false. There were two possible conclusions; either Peggy had gained incredible makeup skills or this was not Peggy. Since Peggy would not be caught dead in more makeup than a bit of eyeliner, this was not Peggy.

The girl who was not Peggy made her way over to the only table with available seats: Angelica’s table. Meanwhile, Angelica hurriedly typed out a quick apology to her real sister.

“Hi. Is anyone sitting there?” Her voice was different from Peggy’s too, at a much lower pitch and with a rough, New York accent.

“No.” Angelica moved her handbag off the seat next to her and to her feet, allowing space for the girl to speak. “What’s your name?”

“Maria. It’s spelt like Maria, but you pronounce it _Mariah_ like Mariah Carey.” Maria rolled her eyes. “Had to put up with a lifetime of people singing All I Want for Christmas is you so my parents better be sorry.”

“I’m Angelica.” She shook her hand as she did with all new people she met. She was practicing for her future when she would have to meet a lot of important people and greet them this way. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your major?”

“I’m doing medicine here. But I’m going to another school part time for a makeup and hair course.”

That was an interesting mix: a doctor who also knew how to do makeup.

 “Where are you staying?”

“Here on campus. I’m in the student block but I was hoping to get into one of the sororities.”

“Any idea which one?”

“Still thinking about it.”

Angelica had her now. “You should try for Alpha Xi. We’re one of the biggest and oldest sororities on campus. If you haven’t seen the posters, I’m Angelica Schuyler. I’m running for president this year.”

“Sounds fun. I’ll definitely check it out.”

“We have a mixer tomorrow night for wannabe new sisters. I could text you the details.”

The girls traded phones as they put in each other’s mobile numbers. Angelica was just putting in the last digit when a notification appeared at the top of the screen. It was for a text from a number the phone did not know. From what she saw, it was interesting, so, being nosy like she was, Angelica read it.

_16:54_

Hi so this is awkward but can I have a pic of you holding a teaspoon for my sugar daddy and also you’re amazing

 

Scrolling through Maria’s texts, they were all from girls, requesting photos of Maria doing unusually mundane activities to send to men who would in return give them money. She had quite the operation going here, and Angelica loved it. _This girl is going to Heaven,_ she thought. She was just the type of girl they needed in Alpha Xi. She had better come to the mixer, or there would be trouble.

Maria gave her the phone back and Angelica read the details she had put in.

“Alright, Maria Lewis,” she said, for that was the name she had put in. “I have to admit, I read one of your texts and can I just say, you should be proud of yourself. You could really go places in the world.”

Maria nodded. “Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want it to spread, or the whole operation could be ruined.”

If Maria were into girls, perhaps Angelica could set her and Eliza up. Eliza had not dated anyone since Dolley which had been nearly two years ago. She was not suggesting that girls could not cope without being in a relationship, for she would be a terrible feminist if she did, but it would not hurt to find someone for her sister.

Maria told Angelica about what she did in her free time. She was designing her own line of lipsticks which she wanted to work on all skin tones including dark skin. She had some prototypes and was hoping they could be unisex, which Angelica highly approved of. As she was showing photos, the door to the library slammed shut loudly and Thomas Jefferson walked in. James Madison walked behind him. The poor guy. It was impossible to imagine someone as gentle and sweet as James being stuck in a friendship with a self-centered, bigoted, greedy and plain misogynistic man like that.

Jefferson came dangerously close to her and she prepared herself for a confrontation, but all he did was wink, before moving along to stand near the black-haired boy whom he said something inaudible to. Her relief only lasted a brief moment. She did not see specifically what happen, but she heard something heavy knock against the carpeted floor. It was not just her; every person in the library was watching.

The black haired boy rose to his feet, his chair falling over as he did so. Whatever Jefferson said to him had angered him and he began to shout.

“Are you seeing this?” Maria asked Angelica. At least three people were filming on their phones and a semi-circle was congregating around the two boys, ever so slowly. Jefferson kept trying to cut in, but the freshman remained relentless, never even stopping to take a breath. Angelica felt proud of the kid, if a little embarrassed for his sake. This young, scrappy boy was competing with an opponent bigger and older than him, and he was winning. Jefferson, despite having his voice unheard was unaffected by whatever he was saying – his words were too quick to make out every one – so he instead smiled at the crowd of people with that annoying grin and sarcastically applauded the black-haired boy.

“…hypocrite who talks about wasting our taxes when your privileged family probably doesn’t even pay taxes themselves and you talk about immigrants living off our money when it’s families like yours who do no work and hire immigrants to do everything for you—”

“THIS IS A LIBRARY!” bellowed the librarian. At her shout, all the other students ceased their laughter and chatter and returned to work. Angelica quickly pulled a book up in front of her face, then tilted her head around the side so she could watch the rest of the drama unfold. James was restraining Jefferson who had finally lost his smug mask and looked ready to claw the other boy’s eyes out, while she saw Burr blocking the freshman from charging at Jefferson.

“You.” The librarian pointed to Jefferson. “I don’t want any more distractions from. Pick up a book and do some work. And you.” Now she pointed at the other boy. “I don’t want to see you in here for the rest of the day. Shouting and fighting in a library. And leaving your food all over the place. A disgrace.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” the boy whined. “Jefferson started it.”

“Alexander, please,” said Burr, desperate to take his friend, if they were friends, out of there, before they got in anymore trouble. The freshman, who must have been Alexander, pouted like a five-year-old as Burr escorted him out. It was a shame Eliza and Peggy had not been here to see this.

“That was intense,” said Maria.

“Tell me about it. This might be one of the best days of my life. I just saw a freshman drag Thomas Jefferson to hell and back.”

“You really don’t like that dude, do you?”

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it, sister.” How could she explain all her issues with him? If she tried, would they believe her or just call her oversensitive again? Angelica watched the back of Alexander’s head through the window. _Who are you_ , she wondered. _Who is this kid? What’s he going to do?_

 

* * *

 

“How’s that biology class going for you? Regretting transferring yet?” Somewhere far off in South Carolina, Henry Laurens chuckled heartily as his son watched on a computer screen.

“No. Not yet. It’s good.” John put on a brave face as he addressed him, lounging back on the bottom bunk. To be fair, he was not sure what the correct answer was. Tension had been strong in the Laurens house over the summer, after John’s nervous declaration upon returning home that he wanted to change his major from law to biology. His dad had always wanted him to be a lawyer; it was a respectable career and it made money, too. That was never what John had wanted.

John was a failure as far as his father was concerned. His art had been enough of an issue, his dance lessons more so. His openly supporting what his father deemed anarchist groups and being “one of those politically correct liberals” had hardly helped. He had not even wanted to join a fraternity like his father back when he was in college.

There was no correct answer. Henry thought John was going to regret switching, that his grades would turn out worse than the Cs he usually just managed to grasp, and that he would be able to laugh in his face. John could not have that, but he feared the rage he would come face to face with when returning to Charleston for Christmas break, so he could not seem too happy either.

“How is it having Mattie there with you now?”

“Um…”

“Don’t be shy, boy. There’s no need to keep secrets. Boys _will_ be boys. You’ll want to cut that hair, though. Far too long. Wouldn’t want your woman leaving you because she thinks you’re a fag.”

John would never know how he managed to keep a straight face through his father’s scathing words, taunting him, cutting him.

“Now, I want to see you working hard. I’m expecting straight As by Christmas, or I’ll be doing something about it. Remember, I could easily get you moved into another room if your roommates are distracting you. I don’t want to hear any more about this not being able to read nonsense.”

“You won’t, sir,” John replied, trying not to cry. His father said goodnight to him as the computer was passed onto all his little siblings; Martha and Harry and little Mary Eleanor, who all gave him a quick greeting before signing off Skype.

John wiped a palm across his temple, now relaxed the conversation was over. His head hurt. His weekly talks with his father left him drained, aching all over and hating himself.

To calm himself down, he got out his sketchpad, the private one instead of the one he took to art classes. Here, he did not have to hide his drawings; they were safe from the eyes of his parents and safe from the hands of his mother who had torn so many of his sketches to shreds.

He was always glad to be away from home, away from the toxic environment where he had spent eighteen years of his life, and here with his friends. With Laf and Herc and maybe with Alex seeing as their friendship was going so well, he was at home. He felt somewhat free when he was with them. But he would never be truly free.

His most recent sketch which he had started a few days ago was of two zebras grazing in a field of long grass. He had not drawn from memory, or even from a firsthand resource; the photograph he was copying came from the internet. Animals were his favorite thing to draw, in the style of animal diagrams from the old books at the time that evolution had only just been discovered, using thick, black or blue ink..

A thought occurred to him as his pen pressed against paper. Lafayette was above him on the top bunk, too busy on their computer to pay attention to what John was doing. Herc was in the small kitchen area, baking while listening to Rihanna music at top volume on his iPhone, bopping his head and swaying from side to side with his back to John. John needed a drink. He slowly reached for the bottom drawer of his bedside table.

“Ugh, I am going to fucking kill Jefferson!” There was a bang as the door was thrown closed so hard that it rattled in its hinges and Alex stormed in, his face twisted in rage.

“Come again?” Herc asked, pulling off his headphones. “Hey, Ham-the-man, it’s been too long, buddy, where’ve you been?”

“In class. And in the library.” He fell onto the couch. “Until that bag of dicks Jefferson got me thrown out.” He dumped his bag down on the floor and all kinds of candy wrappers spilled out across the carpet.

“Who?”

“An—” He pulled off one shoe. “—ugly—” He pulled off the other shoe. “—brainless asshole from one of my classes. His name’s Thomas Jefferson.”

“Ah, Tommy J. I love that guy,” Herc said as he checked his cookies in the oven again.

“You know him?” Alex was aghast at this thought.

“Hell yeah I know him. I take his measurements.”

“Are you telling me that you make clothes for _him_?” Alex demanded.

“So dude has a bit of a weird fashion taste. And he has no idea how to cook. Still, he knows what he wants in life, he’s unique. It’s great. He’s great. He’s got all the banter and knows how to party. And he pays really well. Once, he gave me thirty dollars to get his friend, Madison, drunk.”

“Laf, you don’t like him, do you?”

“I am not what you would call one of his fans,” was all they said as their feet appeared at the bottom of the ladder to the top bunk, and they hopped down to the floor.

“Laurens?”

“Never met him, so I couldn’t say.”

“Alex, you have something in your hair.”

“What? Where?”

“Let me get it.”

From Alex’s hair, Herc retrieved a cheeto and then glanced down at the pile of litter collecting in the middle of the floor.

“Is this what you’ve been eating?”

“Well, yeah.”

“What about breakfast?”

“I don’t really have breakfasts. Just kinda eat through the day.”

Herc read from one of the packets. “’Double cheese and pepperoni smash sub’. Dude, you gotta try and be more healthy.”

“Here comes the mom lecture again,” said Lafayette.

“Got us a treat tonight. Vegan white chocolate chip and raspberry cookies. Laurens, bring your drawing stuff over."

"Vegan chocolate chips? How do you do that?"

"What? They're a real thing that exists."

“Thank MsBlueSky,” John said as he sat down next to Alex who was taking his first bite of the cookie.

“Who’s MsBlueSky?”

“A lifestyle YouTube channel Herc watches. Gives him all his recipes. I’ve never watched it, but he doesn’t like people to know he watches it, like it will emasculate him or something.”

As Alex looked at John, his eyes fell to the drawings in his lap. “Can I have a look at them?”

“No, no. It’s nothing—”

Alex snatched the sketchbook and leafed quickly through the pages. There were only a few drawings so far; one picture of Lafayette, another of Herc and another of Mattie, one he had drawn the previous year of his friend, Eliza, one of his favorites. Alex stopped on this one and admired it. He came to stop on a page which was just doodles of turtles.

“It’s really rough—”

“It’s fantastic! You said you liked art. Laurens, you should be an artist!” It was hilarious how energetically he spoke, and really cute.

“Well, y’know, I wanna be a vet. But I’d like to be an illustrator as well, maybe in my spare time.”

“An illustrator? That’s great! This would be a really big favor, but I’ve been looking for someone to do cover art for my story. Everything they’ve given me, I’ve never been satisfied with it, but something like this would be really good. You’d be paid, too.”

John was about to say he would have done it for free, because he just loved to draw so much, but he thought better of it. “Let me read a bit of the story, and I’ll pull something together for you.” The idea of his art on a book cover, seen all over the country was delightful.

“It’s a deal. Now back to the matter at hand that Jefferson got me thrown out of the library.”

Herc snorted as he washed dishes so Alex instead turned to John. He opened his eyes wide, begging for sympathy and stuck out his lower lip.

“He looks so adorable,” said John, and then thought better of using that word. “Like a little lion cub.”

Alex stopped. “What?”

“Because you look really…sweet, but you also look like you want to kill someone.”

“Tell us, what exactly did this Jefferson do, petit lion?”

“Petit lion? I like that,” John said.

“He’s stupid is what he is. He’s an anti-sjw because he said everyone nowadays gets offended and he talked about freeloading immigrants and he made fun of me!”

“What did he say?”

“In the library, he…I don’t remember what he said but he was making fun of me so I had a calm argument with him, and got thrown out. But I—” He stopped in the middle of the sentence to yawn.

“Right, no more talking. Ham, you need to chill, so we’re gonna watch some Parks and Rec _._ ”

“Hell yeah!” shouted John. “Alex, you ever seen it?”

“What is that? Is that a series?”

“Yeah, a comedy series. You’re saying you’ve never heard of it?”

“No. I don’t have time much to watch TV. I work a lot, but I watch some shows. Like How to Get Away with Murder. And I love the X-Files!”

“We are _not_ going back to the beginning.”

“Season three, then. It’s easy enough to understand what’s happening.”

Herc put the first disc for season three into the DVD player and as the theme tune started, John commentated, describing each character and their role so Alex would have a better understanding. He seemed to be enjoying it, as he laughed aloud frequently, but during their second episode, his head sank lower across John until he had fallen onto his knees.

He slept with his mouth wide open and John could not help but take a quick selfie of the two of them like this. A part of him wanted to wake him, but the other part wanted to just leave him there in peace. After all the stress he had faced this week, he needed a rest. John felt a need to protect him and found himself understanding Herc's need to care for others and keep them in order: when you had someone as impulsive and unpredictable as Alex under your wing, it was your natural instinct to want to keep him out of harm's way.


	3. People Shouting In The Square

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another chapter of the Sin. And this chapter we get some more Eliza who I love writing! Also Alex and the Schuyler sisters finally get to meet. TWs this chapter for some very mild transphobia and discussion of sexual harassment.

Alex fucked up. He fucked up badly.

It started when he realized he had a crush on John. And he first realized his crush on John the day he met him. Alex had always been like that; he fell in love with strangers on the street. He would fall for the goth girl with the startling red lips and cartoonish tattoos up and down her arms who served him pizza with a smile, or the dreadlocked skateboarder who stopped on his daily slide through the park to feed the ducks. These people inspired the writer that he was, inspired poems he would never publish and stories of legendary beauty. Of course, he forgot about them the next day.

The reason John was different was because Alex had gotten to know him: along with his beauty, he had been a good friend to him in what was almost a month since he had arrived here. Now, this was more than just attraction based on appearance alone. This was a full-blown crush. Alex wanted to be with John.

John so far seemed to be returning signals. He was not ready to make a move, not just yet. Something was holding him back. After another bout of anxiety the evening before, where he worried that John did not even like him as a friend, he posted a poem to his writing blog at one in the morning as Burr snored in the next bed over.

He got the text on his way to the journalism building with John and Lafayette and Herc. It was the first meeting of GSA. John and Herc were not actually coming to this first meeting, because both said they had things to do, but John to accompany them on the way.

Alex did not keep up to date with the news surrounding him. The man who called himself his publicist made him delete his Twitter after he kept typing angry threads in response to every user who gave even the slightest negative comment about him. He was also encouraged to turn off anonymous messages on Tumblr. They told him he didn’t want to ruin his image by arguing.

He didn’t have much of an image. The hurricane had been four years ago. The world talked about it and about him for a month, and then he was forgotten once more, other than by a few teenaged fans of his writing who continued to follow his blog. His publicist said the release of his book would blast him back into fame. Alex wanted his book to be a new start for him.

It was not that he was ashamed of his past. His past had been a part of what made him who he was. But he wanted to start afresh, instead of people focusing on the things he had done. After all, there were a million things he hadn’t done. This was also the reason he had not told John, or the others about what he had been through.

Rob Troup was the sole friend he had in high school. An outcast like him, he was the archetypal image of a nerd; oversized glasses and long hair which would have been in fashion in the eighties. He would go to the Math rooms during the lunch hour instead of going outside and somehow had dirt on every person in their grade, which was in fact what he used to keep the bullies away from him. Alex thought he was great.

They didn’t speak much nowadays, but Alex, the disaster that he was online, had Rob keeping track of discussions about him on social media, and would also advise him on his budget that he had as starter money from the publishing company, and make sure he was not spending it all on coffee and subs.

Today, he had two texts from him. The first contained a series of links to Tumblr and Reddit, and beneath, another message.

 

 **Rob Troup** _11:23_

Who are they?

 

It was simple enough to figure out what had happened. With his phone angled away from his friends, he read from Reddit as his love life was debated. Someone correctly suggested the figure described in the poem was someone from his college and someone else had written which college he went to. He had not gone into detail on appearance, only talking about “verdant eyes of forest leaves” and “a body star kissed”.

He was just about to write a reply when he heard shouting from further ahead. Along the corridor, towards where GSA would be taking place, a boy with light brown, floppy hair blocked the door, faced by a group of girls. The tallest of them, a girl in pink with black, curly hair, was the source of the noise.

“Sam, you’d better get out of our way, now.”

“What can you do about it?” Then, he called the girl a horribly transphobic slur. To Alex’s left, there was a gasp, and he saw it was John, with his mouth wide open with shock that and his fists balled up, ready for if there were a fight.

The tall girl did not so much as flinch. She merely continued speaking at her rapid pace. “Let’s see. There’s seven of us and one of you. I could always go and call more friends, which you can’t do since you don’t have any. I doubt any of your brothers would be willing to come for you. You’re outmanned. ‘Outwomanned.’ If you don’t move on your own, we’ll just have to move you ourselves. How does that sound?” She put her hands on her hips.

“You win this time,” Lee muttered as he walked away and the taller girl unlocked the door with a key, before shepherding all her friends inside.

“I can’t believe some people,” said Alex, when it was just the three of them.

“Fucking Sam Seabury,” said Lafayette. “He has been trying to ban all clubs that he, euh, disagrees with since last year.”

“I heard about that,” John said. “Herc said something about him being a really religious Christian. Except he's one of those people who argues with anyone who doesn't have the exact same beliefs as him."”

“I still can’t believe he was allowed to go around saying that.”

“It was really gross,” added John. “And unfair. I would have punched him if I had the chance.”

“With Hercules not here, now is the time for me to act as the mother and tell you two enfants you should not be picking fights. Even though I would also fight that motherfucker if I had the chance.”

Everyone laughed. Alex was glad there was one more thing he could agree with John on. John was a very justice-orientated person. He had told Alex of the countless rallies he had sneaked off to in South Carolina, peaceful protests for Black Lives Matter and recently one to allow in more Syrian migrants. He mentioned when he had an apartment of his own, he would be happy, eager even, to allow the migrants to house with him.

“Sorry, Alex. I should go.”

They were some of the last few to arrive in the GSA meeting. The room they were using was small and the circle the chairs were arranged in was spread out right up to the walls. There were still some seats available and as Alex looked around, he realized that he was one of very few boys here. The seven girls outside the room were huddled in a corner, most of them chatting while the tall girl in pink read through notes. She must be the group leader. Pink glasses that perfectly matched her shirt sat halfway down her nose, above a silver septum piercing. She wore a silver necklace with the letter ‘A’ on it. The reason he noticed this was because two other girls here also had them, one with an ‘E’ and the other with an ‘M’.

The girl with the E necklace sat beside the tall girl. She had round cheeks, long dark hair secured by a butterfly clip and almond shaped eyes which were black. She had a sort of nerdy chic style with a sky blue blouse with a darker blue bow at her neck. She looked vaguely familiar and was very pretty, he thought. Mind you, all of the girls around her had a unique beauty which he could see himself attracted to. He had to go round falling in love with everyone, didn’t he?

“Good afternoon everyone. Thank you all for coming. I am going to be handing around a register where you will need to put basic details like name, age, pronouns and emails, so we can keep you updated as to when and where our next meeting will be. My name is Angelica Schuyler and I am a junior here.” She passed her clipboard on to the girl in blue. “We’re not kids here, so no fun and games. We’re going to simply go round in a circle and say name and preferred pronouns. As you all know, I’m Angelica, and my pronouns are she/her.”

“Hi, I’m Eliza.” The girl in blue said. Her rosebud lips turned up at the corners and faint dimples appeared on her cheeks. Somehow, her smile lightened the room. “She, her.”

“Theo, she, her.”

“Hey, everyone. I’m Peggy and if you’re wondering what the M stands for, it’s Margarita. You can call me she or they or anything else, I’m not fussed.”

There were a few more girls before it was Alex’s turn. “I’m Alex and he, him.”

And so this went on around the room. Most of the people used she and her pronouns, with a couple of other “they/thems” besides Lafayette. Then again, being non binary was still not widely recognized.

“Right, down to business. This year, we have very few ideas for what we’ll be doing. I’ve suggested some ideas to the Amnesty group as they have an LGBT program and we could work on posters. We could try holding lectures on different gender identities and sexualities, that was another suggestion. Any more ideas?”

A girl who had introduced herself as Dolley raised her hand. “We could put on a musical,” she said. “We could write our own one or do one that already exists. Like Rent _._ ”

Angelica wrote this down in her notebook. “Thank you, Dolley. Anyone else?”

Eliza turned to her. “We could do a celebration of LGBT music. Like what Dolley said, we could write some of our own songs if we have time.” Her voice was soft and dreamy, but when she had finished talking, she turned her eyes back to the floor and her face turned red, like she thought she had said something embarrassing.

“Great idea, Eliza.”

There were more suggestions. A girl dressed in all red said they could have a gender identity fashion show, expressing that gender is not defined by clothing, and a boy with turquoise hair suggested they try to march in the New York Pride Parade. Alex jokingly raised his hand to say they made a night force that was dedicated to protecting people from homophobes, but Angelica actually seemed to like the idea. She suggested her own idea of sex education classes and classes on consent, especially for queer couples. She said they could start a website for victims of relationship abuse as most websites are made for cis women in relationships with men.

“We should advise people on how they might come out,” said Lafayette.

Angelica raised her eyebrows at them. “Are the other two not coming today?”

“No. Hercules had football training and I do not know where John had to go.”

Angelica smiled but anger flared in her eyes as she instructed Laf to elaborate on their idea.

“Many cannot come out. They do not have family members or friends they can turn to and they could be…désavouée?”

“Disowned,” Alex translated.

“Disowned. We must be supportive.”

Angelica nodded and wrote this down. In fact, we’ll talk about coming out stories today. Remember, you don’t have to say sexuality or gender if you don’t want to and you don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to. So, coming out for me was easy. It wasn’t so much as coming out, because I was apparently telling my parents I was a girl as soon as I could talk. If you don’t know, my dad, Philip Schuyler, he’s a democratic senator for New York, so he figured it out earlier and took me to the people I needed to see, and, well, I started elementary school as Angelica. Now, I identify as pan, demisexual and demiromantic, which I did not discover the words for until much later. Yes, Peggy, what do you want to say?”

“I didn’t have to come out either, because everyone knows I’m gay as hell,” said Peggy. Alex remembered speaking to her at orientation and she had cracked a few jokes. She was a freshman, like him. "Also Angelica, we all know you're also sapiosexual."

A few other people spoke while Alex whispered the question to Lafayette of how they knew Angelica.

“Oh, well, she is the model for Herc’s clothes. And they are a kind of co-leaders, together. He is popular so he gets more people to attend the group. You had better watch out for her. She is very scary.”

“And why does she want John to come?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Would you two like to stop talking please? You, Alexander. You always seem to have a lot to say. I saw what happened with you and Thomas in the library a few weeks ago. Maybe, you have something to say, now.” She looked at him expectantly, and Alex was reminded of how teachers spoke to him during school.

“Okay, well I’m bi, and I’ve had a bit of a hard time with it. Unfortunately, there aren’t many bi out guys in the world, and everyone just assumes that we’re really gay and too afraid to admit it. And there’s a similar issue for bi girls that everyone thinks they’re straight and doing it for men’s attention. But it’s always been something I’ve kind of just known about myself, and I told my foster parents about six months after I moved in with them. But, I can’t remember how, some people in my high school found out and bullied me about it. And someone else spread rumors that I was sleeping around with everyone. But, it’s just who I am and them making fun of me for it isn't going to change it.”

“Thank you, Alex.” Angelica made more notes and to her left, Eliza was grinning. Their eyes met before she shyly looked away. “Eliza, would you like to say something?”

“No, no. I’m fine,” said Eliza.

“Well, I think you should share something with the group.”

“Really, Angelica, I’m fine.”

Angelica narrowed her eyes at Eliza, and Eliza looked to the floor again before eventually standing. “Okay…I agree with Alex…that we should be proud of who we are and…shouldn’t let others get us down. That’s it.” She sat.

The meeting went on, more and more coming out stories shared. After an hour, Angelica announced everyone could leave and Alex got out his phone to check if there were more messages from Rob. Some people had sent him messages off anonymous on Tumblr, asking about his mysterious romance, and he was tempted to reply, when he felt someone standing over his shoulder and he turned the screen off.

“Hi.” Eliza was beside him, a waterfall of hair obscuring half her face. She brushed this away. “I wanted to say, what you said, it was really good.”

“Thank you. Well, people always say I’m good with words. I probably shouldn’t brag, but I’ve been told I’m amazing.” He puffed out his chest. He often pretended to be this confident in himself.

Eliza smiled. “Well, I mean it’s true. I’m bi as well and I’ve had people telling me it was for attention and…well, I have wanted to hide it at times. So, thank you, for reminding me to be proud.” She backed away from him and turned as quickly as she could to rejoin Angelica and all the other girls.

“Marie, remind Hercules and John to haul their asses over here next week,” called Angelica as she stuck her head around the door.

“Oui, mademoiselle.”

Alex and Lafayette were alone in the room.

“Did you enjoy that?"

"Yeah, it was really fun and interesting. The others should really come next time!"

"I don't think that will be happening," Lafayette said, in a tone that seemed melancholy.

"We should leave,  _Marie_."

They smiled back at him. "Casse toi."

 

* * *

 

 Eliza rapped her knuckles against the headboard of her bed. Her floral headphones blocked out the noise from the corridors so she could be left alone with her jazz music.

She found playlists on Spotify for any genre she fancied and would lay back, not thinking about titles or artists but how she herself would remix it.

Her music library was a mess of pop and rap, hip hop and country, soul and classical. It did not matter that her taste was so diverse; music was art and art was something she enjoyed experiencing, no matter what form it came in. Each genre could be used in a different situation. For example, when she was low, rap always helped her cheer up and to get ready for a party, she had her Beyoncé playlist.

Back when Eliza was a little girl, she had not been a fan of classical music. “For old people,” she would whine to her mother as she came home from piano lessons with music by Mozart or Bach. She wanted to play the pop songs she heard on the radio. Classical music was not the music of her generation and had not struck a chord within her. She did not connect with it. That was, until she learned to modernize it.

Remixes of her own. With her laptop alone, she could make her own creations from the work of geniuses and that in its turn made her feel like a genius. Or, if she only wanted to make small alterations, she could beatbox to it. She practiced beat boxing all the time, out loud, so everyone in the surrounding rooms and her roommate must think her a total weirdo. Eliza had gotten used to ignoring what others thought of her. It was what came from being a YouTuber, and after all that had happened to her.

“Elizaaa,” Peggy’s voice sang from outside the door. Her sisters were here to help her work on her idea for her new video. Like her music library, her channel was a mess. She gave some tutorials on how to make soaps and scented candles, she had done some makeup tutorials, lots of cooking videos and a few where she talked about feminism. Mostly, it was just her, messing around, doing what she felt like, and having people enjoy it. She was at the stage of having more than five thousand subscribers. That was nowhere near famous, but it was good. Now, she wanted to come up with some ideas for social experiment videos, which Angelica said was good as that would also boost her self-confidence.

“Eliza, Eliza, Eliza.” Eliza was just getting up when her roommate, Sally, went to open the door instead. Sally rarely talked, so Eliza knew nothing about her, not her surname, where she came from, her interests or even which year she was. Likewise, Sally probably knew nothing about Eliza.

“I think we have the wrong room,” Peggy told Sally as she opened the door.

“No, Peggy. It’s okay. I’m here.”

“Eliza!” Peggy swooped in and jumped onto her older sister’s back. Angelica followed and sat at Eliza’s desk, placing down a bright pink binder.

“I have quite a few ideas. I think we should ask people how they feel about the school’s attitude to sexual harassment.”

“Angelica, I’m not getting myself expelled.” As much as Eliza was concerned about the issue like Angelica was, she knew in such a big school, someone would find it.

“Sorry, I’m a little angry. Saw Jefferson on the way over here.”

“Oh, yeah? What did he say?”

“It was really funny,” Peggy blurted out. “He asked her to a dinner party round at his and she said no and he kept following her up the street saying it would be fun until she told him his flies were down without even looking.”

“Were they?”

“They might have been,” Angelica shrugged. “Who cares? It got him to shut up.”

“Who’d you say?” asked Sally, who had not spoken a word all day and had been quietly working at her desk. Now, she was alert.

“Jefferson,” Angelica repeated.

“Thomas?”

“Yeah. How do _you_ know him?”

“Well, I shouldn’t really be talking about this but…my family have been working for his for years.”

“At the vineyard?” Eliza knew his family owned a large vineyard. Everyone knew because it came up in every conversation about him, like he boasted about it. That and his love of everything French or the new vaping tricks he had learnt.

“Yes. My parents work in the fields and we live in a hut for the workers. So I grew up with him.”

“And?”

“Well, I don’t want you to go round telling people I said this,” she said, cautiously. “But I don’t really like him or any of the people in that family. Mainly because of the salary they pay my parents. He seemed a good enough guy and he’s friends with my brother. He got him sent off to study cooking on France which was what he always wanted to do. But…”

“But?”

“I don’t know. After he went off to college, he came home at summers and would start telling me how much more beautiful I was than when he last saw me, and, you know, sneaking into rooms alone with me whenever he had the chance. Now that I’ve started here, he’s always trying to talk to me in corridors, even though I’ve told him I’m busy. He’s always texting and it gets really flirty and desperate and he was at a party with me the other day and spent the whole time hanging around me. I mean, come on, he’s three years older than me and my family work for him. It’s not right.” She shook her head to emphasize this point.

“Have you told anyone about this?”

“No. I mean, it’s not really that big a deal. I’ll probably just say yes if he asks me out again.”

“No, you will not. Can I have your full name, please?” Angelica had a dangerous look upon her face. She had drawn out one of her many pink notebooks and started on a fresh page.

“Sally Hemings.”

“Can I just have the full story again, please?” So Sally repeated the story and when she was done, Angelica picked up her things. “This is the last time he does this.”

“Angelica, where are you going?”

“We can’t just sit silently doing nothing about this. This has been a problem on campuses for too long.” As opened the door, she paused for a moment and handed Sally a flyer. “If you want to vote for president of Alpha Xi, I’m Angelica Schuyler.” Then she was gone.

“Hurricane Angie is on the move.” Eliza sipped from her mug, which said ‘Life is Beautiful’. Peggy and Angelica had mocked this to no end. The flavor she had today was cherry and cinnamon. For her birthday, she had been bought an enormous box of exotic and unique tea bags that she had been using one of a day.

Eliza expected it would not be long before they heard screams from the other side of campus of the victim of her sister’s wrath.

Peggy brought her bag along to sit beside her and curled her knees into her chest. She still had her sneakers on, sneakers that had acquired a thick coating of mud since their mother’s last obligatory shoe cleaning session. Catherine Schuyler would faint if she saw Peggy doing this now, getting her footprints all over the crisp, white sheets, but Eliza didn’t mind. It was just Peggy being Peggy, and she loved Peggy.

“That’s a nice shirt.” The shirt was very unlike Peggy, actually, lilac instead of yellow and not with sleeves but cuts down the side so her vest underneath could be seen. Eliza always tried to find things to compliment people on, because of the delight it gave her to see their faces split into smiles. Some would say she was lying, but that was not what it was. It was just that you needed to look for the littler things, things no one else noticed, because there was majesty in everything in the universe. Whether it was what they were wearing or a cute birthmark, or great cheekbones or a new haircut, it was all beautiful.

“Thanks. It’s Mattie’s. Anyway, Angelica had a folder with loads of headings for different social justice things. It was like feminist literature and the trans bathroom thing and shit. You know, just talking, no fun. Sure, if you made feminist videos, it might drive away some of the guys telling you to get your tits out in the comments.” Peggy pulled up the zip on her backpack and a set of balloons slipped out onto the mattress. “Or we can have fun and do it my way.”

Eliza picked up one of the balloons. It was heavier than balloons were supposed to be and smaller, too. Of course, from simply looking at it, she knew it was no ordinary balloon.

“Water bombs! Right! The segment can be called feminist fights. Or political pranking. Give me time and I’ll come up with something.”

“Nope!”

“No? You’re so boring, Betsey.”

Eliza cringed at Peggy’s use of the outdated nickname. “I mean we’re not spending time coming up with a script. We’re going to wing it. Grab those water bombs. We’re going outside.”

 

* * *

 

The fountain water sprayed across her back and into her hair as she rested her palms on the marble surface. Peggy trained the camera on her. This was not the first time her little sister had filmed for her, but this time she was not using a tripod so that during the water fight, she could follow the action. She held the device up to her eye and gave a thumbs up.

“Hey, dreamers, what’s up? Welcome to another episode of MsBlueSky. Sorry I haven’t made a video in a while. I’d come up with an excuse, but honestly I just wanted to run away for the summer, but I’m back now, so that’s great. As you can all see,” she laughed, “I’m not in my room. We’re outside and that’s because I’m trying something new. I’m here with Peggy.” Peggy had been featured in videos before, only to give commentaries about how stupid vegans were. She had been a hit with the fans. “And we’re going to be asking some students questions.”

Okay, she just had to breathe. Peggy had found their first interviewee, simply by shouting “Hey, you! Get over here!” across the quad, so Eliza did not have to panic about opening a conversation and introductions. Peggy gestured for the girl to get into the frame.

“Hi,” Eliza said to her. “I just wanted to ask how you would feel about sharing a bathroom with someone who was transgender.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I guess, I’ve never thought about it. But, I don’t see the harm in it. It’s not like we’re going to be in there at the same time.”

“Did you know in North Carolina they have a bathroom law that says you have to use the bathroom of your sex?”

“No, I…So that means that…”

“A trans woman would have to use the men’s bathroom.”

“So like, how do they find that out? I mean, for some people it’s obvious, but loads of them actually look like women—”

“They are women.”

“Yeah, sorry. Um, so how do they find out?”

“In some, they have security guards outside who check ID.”

“Really? But like, people just want to use the bathroom. Come on, America.”

This went on for about an hour, because Eliza needed all the material and varying opinions she could get her hands on, just to make a five minute segment. Naturally, this was a place for young people and in America, so the students were mainly of a liberal mindset, but she came across one or two people whose views veered towards bigoted.

“Some of those people who say they’re transsexuals, I don’t know…you can’t be sure. They could be creeping in there just to spy on some of the women,” said the boy with the neckbeard and glasses, whom Eliza thought Peggy had grabbed on purpose. You could tell, simply from looking at him that he would be annoying. Luckily, she was prepared for this.

“Did you know there has never been a recorded case of someone pretending to be trans to sneak into a bathroom? But sixty four percent of trans people face sexual assault at a point in their lives.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t know that,” he muttered.

“Do you still feel the same way?”

“I don’t know, man. Sure, they can share bathrooms. Trans rights!”

Eliza took his hand and raised it in the air. Both of them shouted “Trans rights!” and collapsed into laughter as Peggy stopped filming.

“Do you mind hanging around for a few minutes? We’re going to be having a bit of fun in a minute.”

“Uh, yeah, alright. What’s this for?”

“It’s her channel,” said Peggy, answering for her before Eliza could get caught up doing the promotional part. “MsBlueSky, capitals for each word, no spaces.”

As the boy made his way off to the side, Eliza put her arm around Peggy and held the camera up above her head.

“So, that’s what college students think of your bathroom law, North Carolina. My message to you is that you say this is about protecting women from sexual assault, but when we tell you that we are being sexually assaulted, you say we’re liars, that we’re doing it for attention or that it’s our own fault because we were asking for it. Sounds to me like you’re just transphobic and pretending you care about women to cover it up. But enough of this. Peggy.” Eliza made sure that the camera was tilted to the right angle as she took a balloon. Peggy began to distribute the remaining ones around those students who had hung around for the ending. Eliza gave the camera back to Peggy and hurled the first one at the neckbeard boy. It got him in the chest.

He threw one back at her and it got her right in the face. She would not have to worry about the camera getting wet; it was waterproof, so as she wiped water from her eyes, she threw her second one at Peggy who was screaming at a pitch so high that it was almost out of the human frequency range.

“And now, Peggy has just jumped into the fountain for no reason. Peggy, say hi to the camera.”

“’Sup, Internet? I’m very cold right now.”

Eliza walked up beside her as Peggy trained the camera on her once more. “That’s all for today. I’m MsBlueSky, so look out for my next video.” The camera lens became the final casualty of her water bomb throwing spree before Peggy took her by the arm and dragged her headfirst into the water with a squeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed. Please leave me feedback and tell me if I've made any mistakes and until next week.


	4. The Gossip In New York City Is Insidious

Hercules Mulligan’s tailoring business operated in what had once been a store cupboard in the basement of the arts building. He got a professor’s permission to use it during his second year, and paid to have it full time, so no one could accidentally throw his things out while cleaning.

He did well with advertising, Angelica considered. Small notices in all the various school journals and posters up on the billboards in every student block, most of them featuring her in his hand stitched hats and dresses. Altogether, it cost him a lot, but it was worth it for what he made. Students flocked to him for unique, custom designs. And the measuring sessions brought gossip as fresh as the newly baked cakes he fed to customers.

That Friday afternoon, Angelica headed down to his little store cupboard with Theo and Maria. It was less than two weeks until the pledges to the sorority would be announced, and Angelica figured Maria needed a dress for when it happened.

No official decisions had been made, but when there had been a meeting of all the current sisters, looking over all the new applicants, Angelica had thrown support behind Maria as if she were the one hoping to be president instead, and all the other girls had supported this decision, so it had seemed. After the meeting, Theo remarked that they must all be too scared of Angelica to oppose her.

Herc was on his sewing machine when they arrived, raised above the ground to his chest level by being placed on top of two boxes which she knew to contain scrap fabrics. Under the needle was a pair of red pants, the pockets which he was just attaching being cream-colored with floral decorations.

“Hey! Look it’s my favorite customers,” he exclaimed in his powerful voice. “And I haven’t met you yet. The famous Maria, am I right?”

“Yes, here I am. I’m not famous, though. Not yet.”

“The way Angie talks about you, you’d think you were royalty.”

“Ha, I wish. But you never know, could be distant relatives. Maybe I could have been a princess but one of my ancestors was involved in a big sex scandal and had to change their name.”

Herc ushered the three girls to a set of bean bags squashed together and merging into one.

“Got some apple blondies to go round.” He pulled a tray out from behind one of the boxes, and laid it in Angelica’s hands. It was still warm, as if he had baked them recently. He could have an oven hidden away somewhere. She would not be surprised if he had a tiny clothing factory hidden within this room, filled with fairies assisting him in his stitching. To her, this theory seemed more plausibly than Herc being able to make so many clothes so quickly and so proficiently all on his own.

When the tray reached Maria, she paused and looked up at Herc with her doe eyes. “Can I take some of these with me?”

“Go ahead.”

She took three crumbling pieces and dropped them straight into that red leather purse on her shoulder, as Herc sorted out his charts, diagrams and tape measures.

“What do you need?”

“Maria’s looking for a dress. An evening dress. But not too smart.”

“How much will it cost?” Maria asked uncertainly.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m buying.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s my treat. As your future president, I hope.”

“Future president of this country as well,” Herc said to Maria.

"Hopefully not first female president if the election goes well."

“Angie has what it takes. And even then, I’ll be making her suits. So what color do you want it?”

“Red. It’s my favorite color.”

Angelica knew what was about to happen and she felt the deepest sympathy for Maria as Herc drew his first chart from the pile of them. This chart had a list of colors from across the spectrum lined up with names under each.

“Red: there’s bright red, hot pink, dusty rose, rusty red, light rusty red, crimson, cherry.”

“Fucking pretentious,” Angelica murmured.

“I think bright red,” Theo said. “It suits you.”

“Okay, next, what neckline do you want?” Another chart was shown to Maria, with all the various necklines displayed, and once Maria had asked for sweetheart, he showed all the types of skirts, and when he was getting to the hem, Angelica had to stop him. Maria’s dress was not the only reason she had come here and she was growing impatient.

“Just take her measurements,” she told him, and he wrapped his tape measure around her waist. “So come on. Give us something. A little bit of juicy news you’ve heard around the campus. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Well, you didn’t hear this from me, okay? But someone told me they don’t let Professor Washington in the library. ‘Took out every book he could and never returned them so now he owes the library years' worth of fines.”

“Okay, what else? Professor Franklin done anything interesting recently?”

He twisted his face into a puzzled expression as he got Maria to hold the top of the tape measure to where her belly button was, and pulled the rest to the ground. “I got something from Revere about Benny trying to get an article published in the science journal on the importance of air baths.” Herc came up for nicknames for everyone, including teachers. "Air bath?” Maria raised her eyebrows.

“It is literally what it sounds like. He sits naked in the tub.”

“Is this the same dude who electrocuted himself a few years back?” Maria asked. “I read about it online.”

“Same guy. He’s batshit and he gets worse every year. Anyway, there’s some online petition starting as well to get Mrs Adams as the new dean.”

“Well that’s a good piece of news.” It would not happen, but she knew why this was taking place. Two years before, Dean Adams had taken an eight month vacation, and just the year before, rumors had spread he had been deliberately stopping disabled students attending the college, afraid they would lower grade averages, back in his early days as dean. Nothing had ever been proven. “What’s going on with Charles Lee?”

“Same as always. Nothing can be done without evidence."

"They can cut that crap. Half of New York City's seen him dealing. They just can't lose their star athlete."

“Laf said Professor Washington wants to do something about it."

"Didn't you say he might have to step down as president of the Betas, even if they don't expel him?"

“Tom’s first choice for his replacement, he says. He was in here just half an hour ago, telling me.”

“Ugh. Can you stop calling him Tom? It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Come on, Angie. Maybe you shouldn’t be so harsh on the guy. You know, Ham hates him, too.”

“Ham?”

“Alex Hamilton. I told you, he’s been hanging with us. Well, I’m just about done.” He wrote down Maria’s final measurements.

“I know him. He comes to GSA. He’s funny. My sister is completely smitten with him.”

“I still haven't met your sisters. Are you sure you even have sisters?"

“You wouldn’t know them if you saw them. They don’t look anything like me.”

“We should do a movie night,” Herc suggested. “The squad. You and all your sisters and actual sisters and me and Laf and John and Alex. It would be lit.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Angelica agreed. She clambered to her feet from the beanbag, coming to stand opposite Herc. With her heels on, she came to stand just above his nose. They embraced and came away, switching items in hand. Angelica gave him three ten dollar bills, for Maria’s dress and a little extra. Herc gave her a notebook, and a promise that the dress would be ready as soon as he possible. He would surprise Maria; he knew perfectly what would suit her.

On the way out of the closet, Angelica flipped open the notebook and her two friends knelt on her shoulders to see. Because Hercules Mulligan was not just good for making your clothes and your sweet treats: Hercules Mulligan knew everyone. He saw everything, heard everything, every story going round, including the true ones. As a member of one of Columbia’s football teams, he was constantly among your typical privileged jocks that the university valued most highly. Herc always boasted that it was his Irish blood that gave him his knack for mixing drinks, for getting people to spill their secrets. Here, he had it, every comment Herc had heard that suggested dubious consent.

Angelica had a plan. She was building up evidence to show to Dean Adams. The university needed to do something about the increasing rates of sexual harassment and assault on campuses and she was going to make sure it happened.

 

* * *

 

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am one hundred percent serious.”

“You actually believe that?”

“Of course I do, John. I don’t understand how you couldn’t.” Alex added two more tins of beans to the almost empty shelf the pair of them had been restocking. With his bright red shirt to stand out in the crowds and his badge with ‘Alexander’ written on it, he fitted in with all the other sales assistants.

“The universe is huge, John. It’s impossible that there’s no other life out there.”

“Fair enough. But you say aliens have visited the earth before and that there are aliens living among us. And stop putting them up so the labels are backwards.” John turned another of the tins Alex had just put up so that it faced the front.

“Of course they are. Have you ever heard of Area fifty one?”

“But if the universe is so big, the aliens will be too far away to come to the earth. It would take years. Don’t the scientists say it’s impossible any life could be on any other planets in the solar system?”

“That’s what they _say_. Think about it, John. We’re so human-centric. All we can think of is what humans need to survive that we can’t even comprehend that some alien species might not need an atmosphere or water. There could be spiritual beings on Jupiter. Maybe they traveled here and they’ve been silently living here for centuries. And that’s what people see when they think they’ve seen ghosts.”

“So you don’t believe in ghosts?”

Alex’s face fell, as if John had said something wrong. “I don’t know. I think there’s something, some other side, but ghosts, I think of as being the imprint people gone from your lives have left on you and how they remember you.” He continued on. “You know, I saw an alien, once. Back in St. Croix.”

“St. Croix? That’s the island where you were living before you came here. Was it nice?”

“John, you would never believe how beautiful it was. It was surreal; it was paradise. I lived right by the sea and you could see the sunrise on the horizon every morning.”

“Do you go back often?”

Alex paused and slumped back against the shelves. “I haven’t been back since I left.”

“How old were you when you left?”

“Sixteen.”

“So it was, what, three, four years ago?”

“Yeah, three years.”

“Why not? Don’t you have any family or friends you could visit?”

“There’s no one.”

“Not even—”

“I don’t have anyone. There’s no one on Nevis, either, where I was born. The only family I’ve got is the Washingtons.”

There was silence then, other than the rustling of the cans being moved from the cart to the shelf. Then, Alex took his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. You were supposed to leave all personal belongings in the lockers in the back room, but no one really did that anyway so this was not a huge issue.

“John, you should know about me.” He offered him the phone, the screen lit up, tiny words grouped together in a block. “What happened to me isn’t something I like to share, but I don’t want to keep secrets."

John was unsure what Alex could be about to show him. Deep regret took a burden on his face; he looked as if he would retract his hand at any moment. And he was afraid, nervous, emotions he thought he would never see in Alexander Hamilton.

“Alex, you don’t have to tell me about this if you don’t want to…if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m not going to make you do anything.”

“No, I have to.” He held his hand out again and pulled his lion cub face.

“Could you read it for me?”

“New York Times. September twenty eighth, two thousand thirteen: The Rising Star in the Eye of the Hurricane.” As Alex read aloud, the dramatic change to his hushed whisper was prominent as he wanted no one to listen in on them. “In the beachside city of Christiansted on Saint Croix of the Virgin Islands, devastation reigns in the aftermath of the hurricane – nicknamed Hurricane Fiona – that struck on August thirty first. However, a new hero has emerged among all the chaos: a parentless sixteen year old named Alexander Hamilton.”

John listened intently as the article gave a brief biography of Alex: he had lived on Nevis, then St. Croix with his mother. That was before she died and the cousin he stayed with afterwards committed suicide. It was said he had not been seen for the three years, now six years, since the death took place. He had reappeared though during that hurricane, and been named a public hero after diving into the water to rescue three people drowning. He had written an account of his experience of the hurricane on his writing blog which had previously been anonymous, which was why in 2013, he had garnered attention from America as well. It was decided that Alex who the story called “heroic,” “talented” and “diligent,” needed to travel to America. It was revealed in the article that he dreamt of studying in the States, of getting out of the poverty situation he had been living in for years. At the time of publishing, around eight hundred dollars had been raised on the GoFundMe set up for him by an unknown US citizen.

Alex finished and cautiously met John’s eye.

“I understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“Well, because I’m a freak.”

“Hey, hey. Why would you think that?” John put his arm around Alex’s shoulders, toying with his gelled, black hair and the smaller boy smiled up at him. “Bro, you’re not a freak. You’re a hero and some kind of child prodigy. It’s impressive.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“But I was alone and hiding and stealing for years.”

“It doesn’t matter.” No, Alex was not a freak. He was the opposite, whatever the opposite was. That level of bravery…it should be the other way around. John was the messed up one, the frightened one, the one who was weak and cowardly and a disappointment. If Alex knew about all of that, he would be the one running away, screaming.

“So you lost everyone after your cousin?” He was careful this time, gentle, not intruding too much.

“I had a brother,” Alex said, getting back to his work. “He was called Jamie and he was two years older than me.”

“So what happened to him?”

“He got adopted. When they found me again, my social worker told me I should wait a while before seeing him, because I’d need time to adjust and they didn’t want me ruining his new happiness. Well, it’s been three years and I still haven’t been able to see him. Am I adjusted enough yet?” The tin went down with a clash of steel against steel, the sound of his short anger spurt.

“Hey, less chatter, alright?” One of the store managers (John thought he was called Nate) chose to come over then and guided them instead to the task of putting yoghurt pots on shelves at the other end of the store. “I don’t want to hear any talking,” he said as he walked away again.

John really wanted to carry on the conversation, to somehow defuse any tension between them, but at the same time, he needed this job, he needed this pay. It had been his dad who told him he would not pay all his tuition funds, even though he had the money for it. John needed to learn what it was like in the real world, instead of living under the illusion he could get everything without hard work. John had refrained from asking what all the staff who worked in their house were for then.

A pile of sticky notes sat on top of the yoghurt trolley, with reminders scribbled on in a black sharpie that sat next to them. Alex had taken a bright yellow one and was writing like a whirlwind, leaving blotch marks all over the place. John shook his head and started a new row of peach flavor yoghurts when he felt a hand on his back.

Reaching around, he found the note stuck on his t-shirt, just below his left shoulder blade, and he struggled to read it. It did not help that Alex had incredibly messy handwriting, but he managed to piece it together, sounding out everything in his head.

_Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that aliens are real._

John by now was used to receiving notes and short letters in this flowery form from Alex all the time, though he still could not fathom where he got some of his language from. His publishing contract had not just come from luck.

He took the pen and wrote a short reply on the back.

_Did it look like this?_

Below, he drew what he could admit was an almost perfect ink representation of the alien emoji.

 _THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE! ALIENS ARE REAL!_ He had this stuck to his forehead on a new note.

_I will draw the pics for ur book as emogis_

John had only meant it as a joke but Alex smiled and sent back a reply. _That would be great! We could provide a narrative on how modern discrimination is in ways similar to discrimination during the war by using modern forms of communication and the book would be REVOLUTIONARY!!!_ He had underlined “revolutionary,” just so John would understand the deliberate pun.

Upon noticing that the two of them were still managing to communicate, Nate promptly returned to separate them. Alex was left stacking yoghurt pots while John was relocated to the front of the store for customer service. His job was simple: give a friendly greeting to customers as they come in and direct them around the supermarket. Mostly it was just students as the mall was on the edge of the campus, but you got the occasional middle class families, hoping for cheaper prices and quieter shopping hours. They were wrong.

“Thank you,” he said as a young couple walked out, holding hands and a plastic bag each.

“You.” John turned around at a call directed to him. The customer coming in his direction was about his own age, and as he looked, he was momentarily blinded and had to blink: he was clad in a brighter shade of white than John thought was possible, so light it was as if the natural sunlight streaming through the automatic doors bounced off him.  His shorts were white, his Adidas t-shirt which held a tight grip on his chest was white and the tennis shoes which bore the Adidas logo but were likely a more expensive replica were white. Golden chains on his neck collided with a pair of sunglasses hanging from his collar. John really wished he could have them now, just so he was able to look at him and do his job properly.

Over the top of it all was a quilted, bomber jacket in what Herc would call “royal metallic red”. One sleeve was very deliberately rolled up to reveal a watch which looked to be made of real gold. Finishing the look was one of those snapbacks that said ‘OBEY’ in block capitals.

Herc would probably have a heart attack seeing one person wearing so much money and have another heart attack at the lack of style coordination and lack of consideration for the eyes of those looking at him.

Of course, John was aware who this was: George Frederick III. He was British, but not like those British lads who John and Lafayette would sometimes laugh at memes about, though he did dress like a much richer version of one of them. It was rumored by some that he was a distant cousin to the royal family and he flaunted it. He had a chauffeur to drive him around campus and apparently on a trip to a museum with one of his classes, he had asked if he could buy one of the paintings on display. Right now, he leered at John as if he was disgusted by his very existence.

 Customer service face. Bracing himself for the worst, he turned to face him with a smile.

“Anything I can help you with?”

“Yes, please.” George put on a fake smile, too and John could not help but think that he could never get a job in retail if that was the best he could do, not that he would want to, anyway. He failed to hide away any of anger. “I need to make a complaint about a tea set I bought last week.”

“Yes?”

“I want a refund!” he demanded.

“Can I ask why?”

“Well,” he said, arms folded, “the set was ridiculously overpriced. Very low quality materials which you were pretending was china. I spent good money buying that and already a cup has smashed and the handle has come off the teapot.”

Basically, he was saying that he had broken the cup and teapot. John, who used to spend his time before Alex started working there parading up and down the aisles when he had nothing to do, had memorized most of the items they had in stock and knew exactly what tea set it was that George had purchased. It was in a 1940s style though was actually brand new and factory made, containing four cups and saucers, a teapot, a milk jug and some teaspoons. With a broken set, there was nothing he could do. They could not just give him a refund for something he had broken. It was only one cup missing and that he could stick the handle back on with superglue or just buy a new set if it meant that much to him; they each cost about thirty dollars. John was sure George could afford that.

The rich boy waved a crumpled and unreadable receipt in John’s face.

“You don’t understand! You can check the cameras! You must have footage to show that I was here, that I bought it! And I’m sure it was already broken when I bought it anyway! You’re making me mad! I want to speak to the manager!” He stomped his foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

John was tempted to dramatically declare that he was the manager. That would really shock George. Sadly, he was not the manager, and he was pretty sure he could get in trouble for lying about something that large, even as a joke.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“This is outrageous. You can see that I bought this from you! I ought to sue your entire shop for cheating customers out of their money like this. The service here is dreadful. I’m surprised that you still have your job here.” He walked right up to John so that their chests almost touched, looking down on him, and now John was scared. He was facing someone with the manners of a child, sure, but a child with enough power to get him in trouble.

“Do you think it’s funny to bully people just because you can’t get what you want!?” Standing at John’s side, having appeared as if out of nowhere, was Alex. He met George’s glare with equal fury.

“You can’t speak to me like that!”

“Well, you can’t speak to my friend like that, either. He’s as entitled to respect than you are. No, he should be entitled to more respect than you. At least he doesn’t go round acting like an asshole.”

George gasped. He looked as if he was going to say something else, but decided to back away.

“I’ll be making a complaint. And I won’t be coming here again.”

“Good!” Alex shouted after him. “No one wants you here!” Once George had gone out through the automatic doors, the crowd who had gathered to watch quickly dissipated. John hoped that once Nate came back from wherever he had gone to, he would not fire Alex. He had looked as if he wanted to punch him, but restricted it to just some shouting.

“Hey, Laurens, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. It’s all chill.” He sighed. “He was an asshole. I can deal with assholes.”

“Assholes should be banned from coming to this university at all. I hate people like that so much. They can go and fuck themselves!” He pulled his hand up into a fist and beat it against the palm of his other hand and John flinched at the sudden movement. To stop him from continuing this pattern, John took his hand.

“Look, Alex, I’m fine. Not a big deal.” What would have happened if George had sued the supermarket? It was unrealistic that he would, but what if he had? Would John lose his job? “Thanks for coming to my rescue, anyway."

"It's no problem." He pointed to the aisle he had been working on. "I think we work better as a team. At least it's much more fun being able to say my thoughts out loud to someone. Want to come back to work?" They started to walk back.

"I have some more drawings back at home. If you wanna come over tonight, I could show you and you can explain more about your conspiracy theories. That's only if you're free."

Alex put his arm around him and John's heart unwillingly began to race. "I'll do my research and find some theories specially for you, Laurens. Which reminds me, I have to tell you about something Jefferson said the other day. You know, I asked him if he would rather vote for Hillary or for Hitler and he actually considered it. I don't understand how you could dislike her so much."

As Alex ranted, waving his finger around and clenching his jaw, John found his spirits being lifted. He watched Alex, confident and charming and able to speak his mind without fearing the repercussions and admired him. He was all the things John wanted to be, he told himself, though the idea that had been in the back of his mind for weeks crept up on him again and however much he resisted, he could not put the notion away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so here it is. To be honest, I'm not that proud of this chapter but it was necessary to open Angelica's arc . I really love writing Angelica and the sisters in general so I might start working on lots of new scenes for them. I put in some (not very subtle) In The Heights references this chapter so comment if you want to point them out or just scream about In The Heights (and if you haven't listened to the soundtrack you 100% should you will not regret it). Next chapter, we have a bit more of a focus on some relationships and as always please leave me comments. I love hearing what you guys think.


	5. They'll Tell The Story Of Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK and I'm back again. This chapter has some really cringey lines in which I just had to stop writing and stare at for ages. Warnings about some misogynistic language and more sexual harassment mentions (there's going to be a lot of that in this story). Also one of the relationships we first see in this chapter is really unhealthy to begin with but I still really enjoyed writing this one so I hope you all like it x

At 8pm, the knocking started.

“Alex,” Alex heard John shout from just outside his door, as he rewrote his character profiles on his laptop. Then, before he could even react, a deeper voice joined the shouting.

“ALEX!” Herc shouted at a much louder volume, and rapped harder. “ALEX, OPEN THE DOOR!”

“I’M COMING,” he shouted back and switched the power off button. His system was encrypted with what he hoped was a difficult to crack code, but he still did not think he could trust Burr around something so important. He was used to bringing his laptop everywhere with him and unable to bring himself to leave it behind, he stuffed it into his bag.

For now, Burr was copying down his notes from class that day from a huge folder of paper into a purple, spiral-bound notebook that was in far better condition than any Alex had. At every knock, he winced, despite wearing huge headphones that should have blocked out any sound they were making.

In his doorway stood Alex’s three friends. All of them were soaking wet. John’s usually curly hair hung much longer down his back and the water had darkened it, whereas Lafayette’s hair, pulled back in its typical ponytail, stuck up all over the place. The only one unaffected was Hercules. He had on one of his green beanies which sheltered his hair which there was much less of than with the other two.

 “AARON BURR!” roared Herc, being noisy enough that he could have disturbed everyone in the student block. “My man, how are you doing?”

Burr slowly removed the huge headphones, placing them on top of his book pile before looking at Herc with pursed lips. Alex could hear the hip hop music blaring from the padded speakers. This was not at all the genre he expected Burr to be into.

John wrapped his arm around Burr’s upper back in a tight hug. Burr seemed less than content with this as he tried to bat him away.

“Great music taste. Why don’t you give us a verse?”

“Go have fun at your party while I do something that’s actually worthwhile,” Burr spat at him and managed to push John away. The party was at the Alpha Xi Delta sorority house, what he had heard was the biggest sorority on campus. It was celebrating the arrival of a whole new year of sisters was what Herc had told Alex.

“Ooh. Aaron Burn,” chuckled Herc. John gave him a high five. “Yo, you still got that old umbrella? It’s pouring outside.”

Burr glared up at him. “You are _not_ using my umbrella.”

“Burr, you would not my hair going to end up all messy would you?” Lafayette argued, trying to gain Burr’s sympathy.

“Come on, buddy. Help a friend out. What do you think will happen if we borrow it?”

“Um, I don’t know? Maybe you’ll lose it?”

“How about we give it to Alex?” John cut in. “He’s responsible. You know he came here on his own all the way from the Caribbean? And, he’s a professional writer.”

“Yeah, dude, you totally owe me,” added Hercules.

“You got me out of a bad date, _once_. I could have handled it myself.”

“Once? I don’t have the best memory but I’m sure Herc has mentioned this happening on more than one occasion,” said Lafayette.

“There was the first time. Then, the time where you were stood up on a Tinder date and I gave you the best fucking night of your life.” Herc quickly realized what this sounded like and explained in more detail so as to correct his mistake. “The drinks I mixed for you made you feel much better, I remember.”

“What about the thing with the shower?”

“Rescued you when you hit your head twice on the pipes in the shower and started screaming that you’d cracked your skull? I saw much more than I ever wanted. Then there was that time where I lent you my hat—“

“Fine, fine.” Clearly having had enough of Herc’s stories, Burr pointed reluctantly towards a space behind the door where a withered, lilac umbrella was propped up against the wall. “Alexander, make sure you bring it back.”

“You don’t have to worry about a thing, Burr,” Alex responded, before slamming the door shut.

 

* * *

 

Angelica stirred her drink with a single pointed finger, nail coated in thick pink polish. The nail polish had been invented a few years ago, designed to change color if exposed to drugs mixed into drinks. She always wore it, for safety precautions, and sure enough, the second the guests started arriving, a frat boy rushed over with a glass for Theo and a glass for Angelica. This drink was clean.

“Maria won’t be interested in Eliza. I asked if she was single and she said yeah, but some guy has his eyes on her and she’ll see how it goes. So she’s taken.”

“Not necessarily,” said Theo.

“Yes, necessarily. You’re don't throw away your shot with Maria fucking Lewis. I’m so glad we have her as a sister.”

“You chose her,” Theo pointed out.

“I know that. But I’m glad she chose to try for us in the first place. She’s a smart girl. She’ll go places. The only question is who to set Eliza up with.”

“How’s that going to boost her confidence?”

“She’ll have someone to talk to. I want to see my sister happy. Not that you need a significant other to be happy, but she could do with a distraction. All she ever spends her time doing is making those videos. I don’t get it, how she can spill her deepest, darkest secrets to people she’s never met but not talk to actual, real people.”

“I don’t know, maybe you should be a bit less hard on her.” Theo shifted position on the armchair that they both shared, so Angelica also had to move. They were squashed in right next to each other with their faces close, as the room was packed and there was nowhere else to stand or sit.

“She was the one who asked for my help. I’ve taken her to all the clubs she needs but she’s still shy.”

“We could try restarting Dolliza.” ‘Dolliza’ was the name that had been used to describe the Eliza and Dolley relationship.

“No chance. They didn’t work well together. Anyway, Dolley’s getting all close with Peggy now.” Angelica indicated at Peggy with her head, seated at a table across from a white guy with hair that stuck up all over the place. He was not overly muscular, but from Herc, she knew he was also on the school football team. He and Peggy were arm wrestling and Peggy appeared to be winning. Behind her, Dolley and that Mattie girl who seemed to dye her hair every week (her hair was now bleached blonde), were cheering her on.

“How’d my baby sister get so many ducklings following her around like that?”

Peggy pushed the man’s arm down onto the table and celebrated her victory by having Dolley clap her on the back and Mattie kiss her on the cheek.

“She’s planning something with them. I can feel it.”

“You know one perk of being president?” Theo asked her. “Adams might actually listen to you, now.”

“Theo, you read my mind. With Sally and all Herc gave us, we've almost got enough to prove this is a legitimate problem. As much as I would like to get rid of that annoying—”

“Look out everyone. The party just arrived.” In walked Jefferson, pushing his way past the drunken dancers in his shiny new suit with Madison not far behind. His suit literally shone; the purple satin it was woven from had a metallic sheen. She recognized Herc’s handiwork.

“Speak of the Devil.” There was a matching, purple fedora perched at the front of his head. “As if he didn’t already look like a fuckboy.”

“Well, if it ain’t my two favorite sisters. The making out started yet?”

“In your dreams, Thomas.”

“What a pleasant dream that could be. How about I get you two more, see if I can speed up the process?”

Angelica ground her teeth together and finally was able to look upon his face. He was waiting for a retort. That was all he did this for; to see her react, convinced he could match and then beat her in a battle of wits.

“What would it take you to leave me alone?”

“What about a dance?” He held out a hand to her and she almost considered it for a moment. But she knew it was a lie. A dance would not be enough to appease him, no matter what he said.

“Yeah, no thanks.”

“Come on, Schuyler. You oughta give me a chance. You know I’m a nice guy.”

“Maybe it’s my own decision who I go out with.” There was no point in pretending this was only about one dance.

“Well, good luck ever finding a man who will treat you right. You lead guys on and then reject them.” This was a wasted discussion. In the past, Jefferson had claimed she was leading him on. She first met him at a party at which house she could not remember, back the year before. She recalled she had thought his voice irritating but he had nice hair, and in no way had neither romantic nor sexual thoughts popped into her head. She rarely had romantic ideas about people she had just met. He had seemed a gentleman, but she had met many men in her life who seemed like gentlemen and turned out to be the very opposite, so she was cautious. She had smiled, been kind and made conversation with him like you were supposed to, but apparently he read that as flirting.

They kept running into each other, until she grew suspicious. He got her number from God knows who and would text her all the time, flirty messages. She made it clear to him after he asked her out the first time that she was not interested. He called it “playing hard to get.” It got especially uncomfortable when all of his fraternity had been told he had banged her and even worse when he started the sexting.

“If you’re the definition of ‘a man who will treat you right’ you make me want one even less.”

“Aha! So the girl on girl thing was right. ‘Guess that’s just sorority girls, and you feminists, ain’t that right, Mads?”

Madison did not say anything. He looked as if he might, then coughed into a tissue instead.

“What do you want? Do you want me to cause a scene or something? You want me to tell people that you have a small dick so you can convince your frat bros that I slept with you?” She made sure to project her voice, and eyes were turning to her. “Well, you know what; jabs at dick size are overrated. So, I’m just going to tell everyone what I think of you; I think you’re disgusting. Ladies and gentleman, this man right here can’t take no for an answer. He’ll claim he’s one of the good guys, then call you a slut when you turn him down. He’ll dismiss every one of your interests and stalk you wherever you go, all the time wearing that stupid smile. You know what I see, Thomas? I see a spoilt boy who got everything he wanted as a child and now thinks the world owes him. Well, guess what; we don’t. Especially to misogynistic, ignorant asses like you.” Before he had time to think through her words, she stood on her tiptoes and threw what was left of her drink over him.

Everyone was laughing as he removed his hat and pulled at curls, drying to squeeze the liquid out. As someone with natural hair, she knew it would take a while to fully wash out. People were laughing. Jefferson ran and Madison ran after him. She relaxed back down onto the armchair. She had won this round.

 

* * *

 

Lafayette shook out the umbrella as they reached the doorstep to the Alpha Xi Delta house, then closed it. John snatched it from them.

“Hey, why’d you reckon Burr’s so protective of this umbrella?”

“Could be it’s not an umbrella. It’s like Hagrid’s wand, where he hides it in a broomstick. He’s so bitter ‘cause he got expelled from Hogwarts,” Herc suggested.

“Nerd,” John said. “Yo, check this out! There’s a switchblade in here. Cool, right?”

“I am actually worried for Burr’s safety,” Lafayette said. John dumped the umbrella by the door, along with Alex’s bag and they entered the living room where the party began. Herc was carrying a huge sports bag, which when he opened it, it turned out it was full of six packs; cans of beer and bottles of water that came in packs of six. He would give one of each to every person they came across.

“He's the mom friend wherever he goes,” John whispered in Alex’s ear, and Alex felt the back of his neck tingling as all its hairs stood up. “Wanna dance?”

“Bro, you can’t dance.”

“No. But I can dab.” John balanced his forehead on a spot just above his left elbow, while holding out a crooked upper arm and held it as if for dramatic effect.

“Terrible,” Laf said at the same time that Alex said “You should become a professional.” It was moments like these when John was being dorky that Alex loved him the most.

Both Lafayette and Herc gave him a strange look before shrugging. Herc handed out one more beer can when something made him stop dead in his tracks.

“Shit. It’s Theo. Hide me.” Herc frantically looked back and forth for somewhere to hide, and eventually just ducked behind the kitchen counter. He had been looking at the girl with black box-braids who attended GSA in that big group of girls with Angelica and Eliza.

“Why’s he hiding from Theo?”

“Ooh, I love this story. John, may I please tell it?” They took a deep breath and began as John downed a beer. “Back last year, the school had a riding show. Herc saw Theo riding on a horse during this show and decided to say very loudly how attractive he found her, and everyone may have heard him.”

“Yeah, and I saved the day,” John finished. “’Asked him if he’d been talking about the horse and if he was into bestiality. It’s why we call him horsefucker." As a matter of fact, Alex had heard this joke without context several times. John cupped his hands around his mouth." It’s like ‘Hercules Mulligan’s about! Lock up your daughters, sons and horses!”

“I like that,” laughed Lafayette. “Anyway, I must go. I have someone I need to talk to.” They rushed forwards. “Theo! Have you happened to see my friend Hercules about?”

John and Alex found themselves in the only available seating place; a small pink sofa for with to cushions, made to fit just two. It was funny how they always ended up like this, curled up on a couch next to each other. A girl walked past them with a tray of shots and they took one each.

John Laurens was dressed in a way that Alex thought was so elegant, even though he just had a  a v-neck turquoise t-shirt that showed off freckled collarbones, jeans and his turtle charm necklace. The rain had dampened his hair which was back in a ponytail and at least a shade darker. Someone had set up a disco ball in the room for no apparent reason; no serious dancing was taking place though he saw Peggy from GSA grinding on another girl whose face was not visible. The thousands of tiny mirrors on its surface flashed and reflected off them, causing lights to dance in John’s irises.

Tonight was the night. He was going to make a move on John. Flirting was among one of his many talents. It was what he had to do, as a young teenager on St. Croix, lying about his age. A flirty wink here to get him some food he could not afford, a flirty shoulder touch there to get a higher price for whatever he had to sell. He was reliable with the ladies, and he was fairly sure he was equally skilled with the men.

John sipped at the shot glass he was given and gagged.

“Ugh. This is gross.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. Tastes like sadness and lemons. I’m going to pour it down the sink.” He got up to leave.

“No, no, no.” Alex grabbed his arm and forced him to sit back down. “Laurens, do not throw away your shot.” He took it from him. “A waste of perfect alcohol.” Then he downed the shot in one go and almost spat it out, before forcing himself to swallow it down. John was right: it was gross.

“So, you been to many parties before?”

“No. I was never really around people my age until a few years ago, when I came here, to America. And when I started in high school, I wasn’t exactly popular. You know, foreign kid, never stops talking? I know I talk too much, you don’t have to tell me. I got beat up all the time and spread rumors about me.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there was this one time an older boy told everyone I had Ebola which doesn’t even make sense because first of all they would have been able to notice and secondly it shows they do not understand geography because Ebola was in West Africa and I came from the Caribbean.”

“Still not good.”

“They avoided me for weeks. I didn’t have any friends.”

“Well, if I’d known you in high school, Alex, I would’ve wanted to be friends with you.”

Now was the perfect opportunity. He had to see first, to be sure. He moved his knee to the side, so that it lightly touched John’s and as subtly as he could, moved his fingers down so they came to rest on the other boy’s wrist. John did not move away or even flinch. What he did do was move his head just a fraction so that it rested on Alex’s shoulder. Alex picked up his hand and turned it over so the palm side was down.

“Thank you. I would have wanted to be friends with you, too because...Laurens, I like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot, too. You’re a great friend. And you’ve definitely made this past month…interesting. A lot louder than it was before.”

 “I think I’ve told you before, but your freckles are really beautiful.”

“Uh, thanks.” John put a hand up to his cheek. “They used to be a lot darker, but it’s not as hot here as it is down in South Carolina. They don’t show as much. You have to come up close to really see them.”

“I’m so glad I have that honor.”

John covered his mouth but Alex could see just from the dimples showing in the hollows of his perfect jaw that he was grinning.

Then, being completely serious, Alex said “I’d love to be able to see them closer up.”

He leaned in, slowly, eyes closed. Even without sight, in his mind, he could find his way to John’s lips. He had spent numerous hours staring at them, picturing them instead of sleeping; trying to imagine what it would be like to kiss them.

“Alex, stop.” Alex opened his eyes. John had leaned back and was not looking at him. From here he could see that he was pale as a ghost. “Alex, I’m straight.”

 

* * *

 

Thomas traced his long fingers against the pale pink wallpaper of the bedroom that was shared by Angelica Schuyler and Theodosia Bartow. Everything here was pristine, from the arrangement of folders on the desk to the immaculate carpet to the pair of fluffy pink slippers at the foot of one bed which sat side by side, ready for Angelica to slip her feet into. Angelica was the type of organized person who had everything in order.

After the encounter downstairs, Thomas was disgruntled. James knew his selection of facial expressions and the one he wore know was of someone hurt. He saw Angelica so often yet every time they spoke, Thomas ended up like this. The way he refused to move on from her, James would have been able to admit was ridiculous if Thomas had been anything less than a friend to him, but because of their closeness, his feelings blinded him.

“Don’t you think this is a little creepy?” Creepy was an understatement. “The sign said not to go upstairs.”

“Please. If Schuyler thinks she can humiliate me like that in front of all those people, the least I can do is get a little payback. I won’t even touch anything, much. I just want to see the view that all the other guys get.”

There were not any other guys, as far as James was aware. But after hearing somewhere that Angelica identified as demiromantic and after some Google searches as to what that meant, Thomas got it into his head that she slept around with as many men as she could, then tossed them aside the next morning, kind of like Thomas himself had done with women. He expected he used it as some kind of coping mechanism, so that when he discussed Angelica with other friends (none of whom James was particularly keen on), they would be more sympathetic towards Thomas and agree that she was a “bitch.”

James rubbed at his nose with a tissue. For the past few weeks, he had had a mild cold. It was not enough to excuse him from classes but was irritating nonetheless. He could only dread what terrible illnesses would come with winter.

Thomas had found a single lump in the wallpaper, perhaps where too much glue had been used to paste it down and it had dried like that. He pushed his nail up hard against it, smirking as he did so, until a hole was made. Then, using two fingers, he slowly tore through the paper.

“Thomas—”

“She won’t even notice the difference.” Slowly, he moved on to inspecting her posters. Banners were hanging from the wall. There was one that read “ _Girl Power_ ” in white against a bright red material, and a bunch of pride flags like the transgender flag, the pansexual flag and what he thought was the asexual flag. He was not sure because he did not go to GSA where he assumed they were taught the different pride flags. Unlike Angelica, he wanted to keep his gender quiet. He could only remember telling two people. Angelica was one of them because he had hoped she would understand. The other was Thomas.

There was a sweet cross stitch circle that had “World’s Best Sister” sewn onto it, and a collage of pictures of Angelica and her sisters. She had some framed photographs of her and the other girls in the sorority as well as her posing with women in pants suits who were likely minor politicians. In the middle was a white board divided in half by a squiggly line in marker pen with “Theo” written on one side and “Angelica” written on the other, beneath which they had written lists of reminders.

There were posters of female celebrities, models, actresses, singers and even a few politicians, all side by side as well as paintings of women in period clothing and black and white photos that looked to be from throughout the twentieth century. He had no clue who any of them were.

“Typical,” said Thomas as he pointed to the poster of Beyoncé. Next, he pointed to one of Rihanna. “Again, typical. Her role model is a bad pop star whose boyfriend beat her up. If that’s how she wants to be like, she can go ahead. Who’s that?” He pointed to a picture of another woman.

“Laverne Cox.”

“Who?”

“She’s a transgender actress and activist. She plays a character on Orange is the New Black and is quite good on talking about social issues.”

Uninterested, Thomas turned towards the large wardrobe by the wall. From the exterior, it looked big enough to be counted as a whole other room. The Schuylers were rich and Angelica always seemed to be wearing expensive clothing when James saw her, so she probably needed a lot of space to keep it all which was space she could afford. These thoughts made it sound like James hated Angelica. He actually thought she was fantastic. A little opinionated, a bit of a know-it-all, but he was friendly with her. What he hated was how she made Thomas feel.

“Let’s see what Schuyler and her whore friend have in here.”

Again, James wanted to say something, and argue against this. Theo was not a whore. She had a long distance, long-term boyfriend, and had not been with anyone else since he left to fight in Syria, but he chose to hold his tongue on this matter.

A trenchcoat was held up, and a smart leather jacket, both of which James had seen Angelica wearing around campus, and which made her look like a weather reporter. Her outfits mainly consisted of stylish blouses, the majority of them being pink, and skater skirts. Thomas pulled on a magenta one of these over his suit. “What do you think?” He spun. “Suits me, doesn’t it?” He laughed and threw it aside.

Angelica had a few sleeping gowns, too, which all came in different shades of pink but with similar designs; they were short, silky and covered in lace. It was when Thomas got started on the underwear drawer that James began to panic.

He held lace bra after lace bra up against himself, laughing almost spitefully. This was wrong, it was wrong. But then, Thomas meant no harm. Someone could walk in on them, though.

“We need to stop! We could get in trouble.”

“Relax. We’re not going to be the only ones up here. What? Don’t give me that look. Don’t pretend that George Frederick isn’t off screwing some skank who just _loves_ his accent and thinks he’s from One Direction _._ If you’re so worried, here.” He closed the door, and put the bolt across it. “No one will walk in.”

He strode back over to Angelica’s bed and sprawled across it. “Let’s see what we have here. Maybe she keeps a diary.” He lifted up a fluffy, pink pillow, which had a pair of angel wings embroidered on it. “Whaaat?! Kinky, right?” He pulled out a pink, satin sleeping mask which bore the shape of two heavily-lashed closed eyelids.

“Some people need them to sleep.”

Thomas lay out on top of the blanket, balancing on his hip, and dangling the eye mask from one hand. He spread his long limbs and smiled suggestively at James. With one finger, he beckoned.

 _No,_ James thought. It had been months since the last time this happened. He had promised himself no more. He would not let Thomas use him like this again. That was what he had said after he stumbled to class that morning after back in May. But Thomas looked so good, like some kind of godly painting. He wanted it badly. He wanted him badly.

Failing to restrain himself, edged his way forwards, until he was close enough for Thomas to grab him by the neck of his sweater and pull him the rest of the way. The two of them kissed and fumbled blindly at each other’s clothes. James assisted Thomas in removing his purple jacket and unbuttoning the shirt he wore underneath. Beneath, his hands found his chest, rock solid under his hands. Thomas unzipped James’ pants.

“Here, put this on.” Thomas handed him the eye mask. So undeniably wrong, so many things wrong with this. As James lost his sense of sight, his head was pushed backwards until it was propped up on the pile of cushions.

“Now,” he heard the dry voice whisper in his ear as he ran one hand down James’ leg. “Don’t make a sound.”

 

* * *

 

Maria was content.

She was exactly where she needed to be right now. Who would have thought that kid from the rough apartment block, who had been bottom of her class all the way through junior high, would be here, at Columbia? And studying medicine of all things? None of her teachers would have predicted that, when they wrote the Ds on her report cards at the end of the year. Oh, the joy she had felt as she had seen their faces at graduation as they called out her name and where she would be going.

Not only was her education more than she could ever have dreamed of but she had been handpicked as a member of Alpha Xi Delta. Here she would have friends. No, here she would have sisters to protect her. She admired Angelica and Theo and had meant plenty of the other girls. No harsh words. Just pure warmth and sisterhood.

A man was gawking at her, or more specifically at her chest region. She had on a new dress in red; her favorite color, strapless and layered at the bottom. It was the perfect thing to wear tonight, making her feel sexy and comfortable in her skin, something he had struggled with a lot when she was younger.

A romantic text from James. As she read it, her face lit up. It would only be a matter of time.

Someone bombarded into her from behind and she almost fell. The tray of drinks she had spilt all down her front. “Free drinks,” some guy said. She put her middle finger up at him.

The person who had run into her had not been so lucky because he had fallen and one of the paper cups had landed upside down on his face. He was very clearly drunk and very clearly in no position to be lying, half passed out on the floor, so she picked him back up and dragged him from the throng of the crowd. He was very light and easy enough to carry. He came willingly with her, tripping every few feet.

She took him out to the staircase which spiralled grandly upwards. This was a better and more expensive house than she could ever have hoped to live in. The walls were lined with photos of the sorority every year. She expected a new one would be taken this year with her present. From upstairs came the sounds of a man close to screaming. Someone had broken the rule about going up there, it would seem.

Once he was sitting down, he wrapped her arms around her neck, and she got a good look at him. It was that Alex Hamilton who had got into that fight in the library. Even like this, limp in her arms and his face drowned in a concoction of vodka and lemonade, he would not stop talking. He kept wailing something.

“John,” he slurred. “John is so beautiful. I—stupid. Why is life so _unfair_?” Alex looked at her, as if he had just seen her for the first time. “You’re pretty.” He laughed, like a child.

“Thank you,” she said, comforting the drunken boy by rubbing his back.

“You are _reaaally_ pretty. We should kiss.” He practically fell onto her and pushed his lips up against her cheek, missing her mouth by millimeters.

“Right. I’m taking you upstairs.”

“Are we going to have sex?” he asked, his mouth wide.

She did not answer him but he actually fell to his knees halfway up the staircase. This time, she tried a new technique, picking him up in her arms. He was especially light, but she still had to bend down, dragging one ankle across the floor. At each stair, he would groan the name “John” once more time and his head would rise then flop back down. As she was opening the door to her bedroom, he left a puddle of vomit by her feet.

“Can I have another drink?” was his question, once he was done.

“No,” she replied as she planted him across her bed. His eyes rolled back into his skull. Whatever happened to him, he needed to sleep it off.

Knowing this was a little invasive, she pulled off his damp shirt. It was fiddly work, undoing all of the buttons, especially because she was a tiny bit tipsy herself. His jeans were soaked, too, so those also had to go, but she spared some of his dignity by leaving on his underwear and socks.

He could have her bed. She could make her own one using one of the many pillows and the sleeping bag on the top of the wardrobe that was used for special sorority camping trips. She could return to the party now, but she did not want him wandering off again and getting himself in an even worse state, so she started preparing herself to sleep. The boy whispered something and then rolled over to face away from her. Maria smiled.

“Sleep well, Alex Hamilton.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was wondering, Burr really did hit his head on the same pipe twice and he wrote about it in his journal and he also had an umbrella which he loved and then lost (but more on that later).  
> If you want, there's a bunch of funny stories from Burr's journal on this page: http://thefederalistfreestyle.tumblr.com/post/138166975278/top-10-things-aaron-burr-has-ever-said-written  
> Now as always, I love hearing your feedback and I will be back next week


	6. The World Turned Upside Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so warnings for this week include mention of suicidal thoughts, lots more mentions of drinking and implied internalized homophobia. This is another of my favorite chapters which I wrote pretty early on so I help you all enjoy!

The world had turned upside down.

Alex had no sense of his surroundings. He had no clue which way was up or down or left or right (though even on a normal day he could have confused the last two). He also did not know where he was.

His head ached like someone were beating a hammer on his skull, and he groaned. There was a sour taste left behind in his throat. Worst. Hangover. Ever.

Then it all set in; John didn't want him and he was an idiot. All that happened after that was a blur.

Someone had put him into a bed. A soft duvet covered him from head to toe. Somewhere, nearby or far in the distance – everything was distorted to him – a tune was being hummed. It was a familiar tune as well. His mother used to sing that song to him and Jamie as she put them to sleep.

He sat up and saw straight away a woman sitting at a desk. Everything was still indistinct and her outline was faint; he could not get a clear image of her. He could see her hair was wavy, not quite being able to see colors. He was in a bedroom. Yes, a bedroom. There was another bed, and a closet and a window. Also, he was practically naked.

Perhaps this was Heaven, and this was his mother here to greet him. He had drunken so much the night before that he had died. But if he was in Heaven then why did his head hurt so much? Perhaps this was hell and this was not his mother but a demon having taken her form to taunt him. Alex had always gone between close to atheism and extreme belief in God. Now, he tended to call himself agnostic.

“Hello?” he croaked to her, and she spun around. This was not his mother. In fact, she bore no resemblance to her at all. For one, she could only have been about his age and her features were softer, her face rounder and her hair more brown than black with caramel highlights. Still, she looked strikingly familiar.

“Sleep well, Alex?” she asked him. Her voice was soothing, calming.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Sure,” she said, sarcastically.

“How do you know my name?”

“I’m psychic. No, no, I’m not. It’s just; you’re sort of famous around here. That fight with Thomas Jefferson a few weeks ago? Everyone’s talking about it. And we’ve kind of met, already.”

He looked at her, blankly.

“GSA? I’m Maria. Spelt M-A-R-I-A but pronounced like Mariah. And boy, you were a mess last night.”

Maria? Yes, he vaguely remembered her. She had been one of Angelica’s friends, he saw now.

“Did we…you know?”

“Did we sleep together?” She took a sip from a coffee cup she had balanced on her lap. “No. Not that you’re not cute or anything, but I tend to not sleep with people who are in no state to consent. And I’m not a cheater, either.”

"So you're dating someone?"

"Sort of. We've been seeing each other a few weeks but it's not yet official. But you’re the one who I should be questioning after your show last night. Remember any of it?”

“Bits and pieces.”

“So you remember spilling drinks all over yourself, trying to kiss me then throwing up all over the floor and crying a lot?”

He hung his head. “No.”

“Lucky I saved you. You could have got yourself in serious trouble. Friend of mine once got myself about as drunk as you and thought it would be fun to climb up on the balcony. Lucky for him, he only broke his leg. So, you gonna tell me who John is?”

John. It came crashing down on him all again. He was stupid. God, he was so stupid. How could he have misread signs so badly? He had imagined John’s flirting and imagined John leaning in for that kiss. John had just wanted to be his friend and he had ruined it. He would hate him forever, and he would not be able to talk to him anymore, he was so full of shame. He ruined everything. He always ruined everything.

“He’s my friend. And I like him. I like him a lot. When I see him, I—”

“He turned you down, is that right? When are people going to learn alcohol is not the solution to your problems? After all that, I brought you up here. We’re in the Alpha Xi house.”

“What time is it?” he asked her.

“About ten. I’ll get one of the others to bring you some food up.”

“Maria, you don’t have to. Really, I have to go. I don’t want to bother you anymore.” He stood up before remembering he was not dressed. “Do you have my clothes?”

 “No way. You, sir, are not getting any clothes until you’ve had something to eat.” She picked up her phone and sent a text through to someone. Seconds later, there was a reply. “Okay, Theo’s gonna bring you up some food. Uh, you didn’t happen to leave a bag downstairs, did you?”

“I did. But can you please tell no one to touch it, it’s very precious and—” As well as having money and his books, it was where he had put his laptop to take to the library with him.

“It’s alright. They’ll leave it by the door for you. Don’t worry, people leave things here all the time. Right, I’d better get you some clothes. You’re about my size, I can work with that.”

Maria found him clothes; jeans and a plain white shirt and the girl Theo brought him up a huge tray of food; a bowl of a chocolatey cereal he had never tasted before, overflowing with milk, four slices of toast with Nutella, jelly and peanut butter for him to choose which he wanted, a plate of eggs and bacon and a single sausage. He ate all of it and Maria eyed him up.

“Usually, when I’m hungover, I can’t eat anything for the rest of the day.” She approached him and after waiting for his nod of approval, put her hands on his shoulders and started rubbing. “You’re very tense. Stressed?”

“Yeah. You could say that. I-I’m writing a book. Except I’m very behind, and my deadline for finishing is before Easter,” he clarified. “And now, I don’t have any motivation to write it, because all I can think about is John. A part of me hopes that I still have a chance with him and the signs I saw must have meant something, but it’s no good.” He was terrible at keeping in his feelings. He thought this made him whiney, burdening others with his feelings like this. Martha said expressing his exact emotions at the time he felt them made him brave. It meant they were closer to the path of solution if he had others to help him.

“I should head off. I need to get to the library,” he said, quickly, as Maria massaged his back.

“Stay,” she told him. “It’s the best thing for you, now.”

“No, I really do have to go. I have to write, and I have to do some research.”

“Okay. Take it easy, though.”

He lifted up his bag from where Theo had dumped it, as Maria got out a lipstick tube and moved it ever so slowly across her lips, without even using a mirror.

“Oh, and Alex?”

He spun around, his feet already out the door.

“People have told me I’m kind of a life guru. So, if you ever need someone to talk to, love, friendship, sex, otherwise, just come here, ask for Maria Lewis.”

 

* * *

 

Herc and Laf fought like a married couple. Back and forth they had been going, the argument ongoing for the past half hour as they switched topics from why Lafayette could not put their clothes in the washing basket to why Lafayette always left their makeup kit in the sink to why Lafayette would not turn off their strange collection of furbies during the night. There were some creative insults thrown in there such as “Vain French piece of shit" and “Horse-fucking Irish potato-head.” All of this went on as John drew in his sketchpad.

His head throbbed, though he did not mind the hangover, not so much. Quite a few times a week he had them now to the point where he almost did not notice. He had grown good at hiding when he was drunk at the same time, able to work on his perception when whatever he was drinking had put him under its spell.

“There are always lip gloss stains all over my sink!”

“Mulligan, we share this room. It is mine and John’s sink as much as yours! And you have no proof it was me!”

“Oh yeah, because I wear lip gloss!”

“Yes, but if you don’t wear lip gloss how do you know what it looks like?”

“Because you leave it all over the sink every day! You’re so irresponsible, you’re like a child!” Infuriated, Herc went to the fridge to get something and came back with one of his special, homemade protein shakes. It was thick and green with darker green spots throughout and being within its general vicinity made John want to throw up what alcohol he still had left in his body.

“I am young at heart.”

“No, they’re just one child sitting on another child’s shoulders in a tank top and shorts. It’s why they’re so tall,” John commented.

“You need to learn responsibility, too, Laurens. You lost Alex last night.”

Here they were again. John did not want to think about Alex and he could not without being exceedingly agitated and worried out of his mind. It was entirely his fault, everything that happened the night before. It was his fault for the way he had looked at Alex and how he felt. No, he had not felt anything. Lafayette and Herc did not know the full story of what had transpired. All they knew was that Alex had vanished at the party and so far, the person they knew to have seen him last was John, John who had pathetically sat there, his skull feeling as if it would implode on his brain as Alex had vanished into the crowd. He should have gone after him. But what would he have said?

Instead, he had gotten rip roaring drunk. Two pints, maybe three, and plenty of those shots that tasted of sadness and lemons. When he first drank in high school, he had been on his own in his room with a bottle he had stolen from the family’s drink cabinet. He had heard it helped and it had for a while before he had ended up throwing up all over the carpet and getting a slap and a warning. He had been subtle the next few times.

Now, he was much more of a heavyweight, built up over time. Sometimes he could drink as much as Lafayette and have Lafayette to the point of drunkenness where they could only speak French while he was only mildly dizzy. But he had been drunk last night.

He had wandered up the stairs. There was some kind of sign, probably warning him not to go up. He would not have been able to read what it said even if he were sober. It was not like anyone would have stopped him. There must have been others up there, too. From one of the bedrooms, he thought he heard a couple having sex. His hearing was distorted but it seemed like one of them had been screaming.

John paid no attention to all the closed doors to bedrooms with the names of the girls who they belonged to spelt out in stickers. Using the walls as support, he found his way to the front balcony, separated from the rest of the house by a set of French windows which he had pulled open with some difficulty. Below cars zipped up and down the road behind the Alpha Xi pristine hedges. There was the wail of a police car but it did not stop. College parties were standard and the cops were likely turning a blind eye to the fact that more than half the students at the college were underage. Its flashing blue lights distorted the tarmac so it appeared he was looking into the depths of the ocean. He could dive in, if he wanted, and in the state he was in, it looked so inviting. Then he turned away. Coward.

Herc found him downstairs and laid him down on the couch where he and Alex had almost shared a first kiss. Almost. He brought him water and bread and looked worried and sat with him until some of it had worn off then joined the party again.

Now he was looking over drawings for Alex. His favorite so far was a sketch of the two soldiers like Alex had described them, from the back. They were sitting on a mountainside, keeping watch on their war camp like in one of the scenes he had read. It had not been colored in yet as he was hoping he could do that digitally, but the sky would be deep navy and filled with stars. Back at the time of the American Revolution, you would have been able to see the stars properly. It was based off what John remembered of the sky in his remote family home. He could not base it off New York, with so much light pollution, you could not see beyond the streetlights. That was one thing he preferred about South Carolina. The soldiers had cast their bayonets into the grass and held hands as they looked up. The sheet underneath was covered with his emoji doodles.

“John, do you want to hear a joke?” Lafayette asked.

“Sure.”

“Okay. A baguette in the butt is a _pain_ in the ass.”

It took a moment for John to understand, not quite being able to remember how the French word was spelt. Then, the laughter came out, all at once. Herc was laughing, as well and patted Lafayette on the back.

“Except you have more of a finger roll.”

“There’s the Hercules Mulligan we know and love.”

Herc picked up his phone and read a text. “Right, so good news is our boy’s fine. Angelica just texted to say he stayed overnight.”

“Thank God.” John ran a hand through his ponytail, a weight lifted from his shoulders. “Is he good?”

“He passed out, she says but she said she saw him leave about a half hour ago. He apparently said he was going to the library.”

“He’s fine.”

Herc’s phone pinged again. “She also wants to know if any of you are up for a movie night, tomorrow?”

“It will be fun. Cur non?”

“Yeah, whatever,” John answered. Herc peered at him.

“Sure you’re okay there, buddy? Come on, you love movie night. We’ll bring Alex along if we can get him out of the library, and Angelica’s going to bring her sisters—”

“And Theo,” Lafayette added. From what John had heard, a good period of Herc’s night had been spent hiding from Theo while Laf insisted she needed his help and sent her around the house looking for him.

“Movie night sounds great.” John forced himself to smile.

“As long as we’re not watching Disney again,” said Herc.

 

* * *

 

Aaron was angry. His anger was directed at Alexander Hamilton. That obnoxious, arrogant, loud-mouthed bother with his obnoxious, arrogant, loud-mouthed friends had gone and lost his umbrella.

Alexander had not shown up after the party. He had not been back during the night, and had not reappeared the next morning as Aaron packed his bag and ate his breakfast. The biggest likelihood was that he had fallen asleep during the party and spent the night at the sorority house, at which point he would go to classes straight from there and be back that evening. He was not.

At approximately 3am, Alexander stumbled in. There was no question as to where he had been. There were bags under his eyes and his long hair was a mess. He was balancing as many books as he could carry and a crumpled S _tarbucks_ cup between his hands and had his laptop bag slung back over his shoulder. He had spent the night in the library.

Aaron had not been awake, but he was awoken by the loud slamming of the door, the heavy footsteps he made as he wobbled around, the crash as he laid down all his books and the creaking as Alexander collapsed back onto his mattress without getting changed or brushing his teeth first. He had questioned as to where his umbrella was and Alexander had looked worried, before admitting he had lost it and then going silent. Clearly, he did not realize what a catastrophe this was.

The best decision to show his displeasure with this situation was to scribe a letter. He did not want this to become childish and often using words alone against Alexander Hamilton could lead to shouting and eventually fist fights. He picked up a pen and began to write.

_Dear Alexander,_

_I am slow to anger, but I toe the line_

That was good. Alexander seemed to like complicated imagery, judging from the content of his blog posts. Aaron had done this with every roommate he had ever had. He looked them up online after receiving their name, to know who he was dealing with from their _Facebook_ page and _Twitter_ accounts. With Alexander, instead he stories of a young orphan with the heart of a lion and his involvement with a hurricane in the West Indies. There was also the blog, a compilation of all the writing he had ever done including the piece on the hurricane which lead to his fame.

Aaron found Alexander so infuriating. He got in fights in the cafeteria, in the library, he argued with teachers so he had heard. He exhibited no restraint, yet he kept winning anyway. He was a teacher’s pet, and his group of equally loud friends seemed to love him. It was unfair that he got all this attention, just because he was an orphan, when Aaron showed the utmost respect to his professors and studied so hard, yet had the most average grade point average and no affection from the teachers in response. Aaron did not have a group of loyal friends like that. He thought he was friends with James Madison, though James always hung out with another senior called Thomas who seemed friendly enough but who regularly made fun of Aaron and put him down. Why was life so unfair?

Yes, Alexander was one for flowery language, but with his cockiness, he may only be a fan of what came out of his own mouth or indeed his own pen. He had to do something simpler, something the man would have the attention span for. He needed a letter that got straight to the point.

_Dear Alexander,_

_I would like to tell you I am angry that you have lost my umbrella and would please like you to try and find it or else buy me a replacement instead of acting so incompetently like nothing can be done. You made a promise to return that umbrella to me and now you have broken that promise._

_Your obedient servant,_

_A.Burr_

“Excuse me?” A senior girl stuck her head around the door. She was lovely, light brown skin complementing many black braids that must have taken so many hours to weave so carefully. She had dark, catlike eyes which were heavily outlined with kohl, and was dressed up in green; green jeans, green shirt and a brownish-green leather jacket. 

“Sorry, it was open. Are you Aaron Burr?” She grinned as she saw him.

“Yes. Yes I am.” He straightened his back as she came towards him. Under her arm, she carried something. His umbrella, he realized with delight.

“I just came to return this. Is it yours?”

“Yes.”

“Someone left it at my house at a party there. It had your name and address on. Awesome switchblade by the way.” As she handed it back to him, she placed her hands on his shoulders and he felt himself blushing. Then she looked at the collection of items laid out on his desk. One of them was a book, written by his mother.

“Great choice in literature. I love this.” She picked it right up. Part of him was praying this beautiful stranger would stay longer. The other part prayed that she would go away before he said something embarrassing and ended up scaring her away.

“Wait a second. Aaron Burr? So you’re related to Esther Edwards-Burr?”

“Yes. She was my mom.”

“Are you joking? This was my favorite book as a child. Most feminist books are about white women, you know, so I didn’t have access to much like this growing up.”

“I suppose so.”

“Your mom was revolutionary for black women. I was so sad when I heard…what happened to her.”

Aaron nodded.

“Mind if I just take a quick look? It’s been ages since I last read it.”

As the girl read, Aaron covered the letter up with his arm. Now he thought over it, it seemed pathetic, and now he had his umbrella back, he did not have to ask Alexander to purchase a new one. Also, he did not want this girl to have a bad first impression of him.

“Thanks. See you later then, Aaron Burr.” Her hips swayed from side to side as she walked back to his door. She winked.

“Wait. What’s your name?” he asked her.

“Theo,” she replied.

Once Theo was gone, Aaron swivelled in his chair back to his desk and scrunched up the letter draft. Then he noticed something that had not been there before. A sticky note was stuck to his mother’s book, with a phone number and a message beneath.

_Call if you want to get coffee some time and discuss other game-changing literature_

_Theo xx_

 

* * *

 

“It will be fun,” Angelica told her, wrenching her out of her room by the arm. “You’ve got to come.”

“Who will be there?” Eliza asked, pulling herself free from her sister’s firm grip. She was not ready to go out. She had showered an hour ago and her hair was all wet. She had not put on any makeup and was wearing a comfortable sweater over loose pants and a Hard Rock Café t-shirt which doubled for pajamas in Winter.

Angelica began to tick off on her fingers. “Herc and some of his super gay friends. You know Lafayette from GSA? Peggy said she’s bringing Mattie. Theo is on return duty and there were a lot of things so I don’t know if she’ll make it.”

“Return duty?”

“She has to return all the shit people left behind on Friday night. I’ve done it before. Believe me, it’s not fun. Oh, and Alexander Hamilton, I almost forgot him.” Angelica gave her a mischievous look. “He’s cute, don’t you think?”

Angelica could see Eliza, right to her core. She knew her sister like she knew her own mind. And every time Alex spoke in GSA, there was something about him, the fervour with which he spoke, something that made Eliza feel helpless. She would look into his eager brown eyes like swirling melted chocolate and feel as if she were drowning in them.

“He’s handsome.”

“And boy does he know it,” Angelica giggled. “And now you’ll have a chance to talk to him, properly. Not that you should be getting your hopes up. The pretty ones are the ones who can ruin you. I should know.” She flicked her hair. “I am one.”

“How are all those people gonna fit into one dorm room?”

Angelica winked. “We’ll all squish on the couch. It’s an excuse for you to get closer to him, right?”

Herc and his friends’ dorm was a few floors down from hers, in a corridor for boys only. Behind the door was already the sound of laughter and people arguing in loud voices. They were not the first to have arrived. Angelica knocked and immediately, all fell silent, then the door was opened to reveal John Laurens.

“Hi, Angelica,” he said. “Eliza!” he then exclaimed.

“John. I haven’t seen you in ages.” They had met at a Christmas party the year before, a Christmas party neither of them had been overly enjoying. Eliza had been off reading a book in a corner and John...well, he said he usually enjoyed parties, but everyone was dancing in couples or a few trios and he knew none of them, so he had folded himself into a corner. Eliza was magnetically drawn to him. Few people had that effect on her, which made him special. It had been one of the rare occasions where she initiated a conversation. They had danced together that night, and continued to meet up over the year when they could.

She didn’t think Angelica had mentioned he would be here, elsewise she would have had an easier job of persuading her.

Inside the dorm, the sisters were greeted by Alex. A boy, who she assumed was Herc was bent over a pile of DVDs, with Lafayette behind him, as they debated what to watch.

“Not Hercules, again.”

“That’s a great movie, you know,” said Angelica. “But if you wanna watch it, I’m going to be pointing out all of the mythological inaccuracies. For example, Hercules was not the son of Hera because Zeus had been getting it on with mortals again.”

“It’s a kids’ movie, Angelica. They can’t show that the King of the gods cheated on his wife.”

"He cheated on her more than once."

“We are not watching it. Period,” Herc said. “Laf will be singing those songs to me for weeks.”

“How can I not? They are such good songs.”

“Herc, this is my sister, Eliza.” Herc got to his feet and faced them. As his eyes fell upon Eliza, they seemed to pop out of his skull and he gasped.

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Eliza.

Herc began to stutter incomprehensibly and make gargling noises.

“You alright there?” Angelica asked him.

“Yeah, yeah fine.” He faked a cough as if that was an explanation and then recovered himself. “I think I’ve seen one or two of your videos on Youtube. I didn’t know she was your sister, Angelica.”

“You wouldn’t.” In fact, no one would think they were sisters. If Eliza were out with any of her sisters and their parents, she was automatically assumed to be the friend, to have no familial relation to them.

“You watch my videos?”

“Yeah, I think I might have clicked on them because they looked interesting. But only one or two.”

“Oh, cool. What did you think of them? Are they alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Pretty cool.” Herc, trying to remain casual, inelegantly leaned back on the couch but had overestimated its height and in trying to find the arm rest behind him, fell over backwards.

“It is official, we are watching Hercules,” Lafayette said triumphantly. They stood, proudly in front of the screen, the box in hand as the disc menu loaded up. “In your face, horsefucker.”

Herc got up and glared. “You win this round.”

“Are we ready to watch?” asked Alex.

“Can we wait for Peggy? She’s bringing some friends and she’s probably taking her time.”

“Oh, Peggy is coming? I love Peggy. She is very funny,” Lafayette remarked.

“And I’ve got food to set out. I made caramel apple crumble cheesecake, and we’ve got some drinks.”

“I’ll help you,” Eliza offered.

“No, Eliza,” her sister told her. “I’ll help. You take a seat.”

So Eliza sat herself down on the couch beside Lafayette who had fixed up their ponytail with a series of bows in fluorescent oranges and yellows and a bright orange crop top. She really loved their style and was considering asking if they’d be able to advise her as she had been thinking of doing a video on gendered clothing.

“Excuse me.” Alex dived onto her other side so that the cushions bounced a little and smoothed back his long black hair. “Hi, Eliza. Sorry, you don’t mind if I stretch my legs out a bit, do you?”

“It’s fine,” she said, and she let his legs cross her lap. She felt she had to make conversation with him now that the boy she kind of had a crush on was half lying on top of her.

“What film did you want to watch?”

“Don’t mind,” he shrugged. “I’ve apparently missed out on all the best movies.”

“He’s never seen The Lion King,” Lafayette shouted out.

“And he’s only seen one Star Wars,” John murmured. He sat cross-legged on the floor, a few feet in front of Eliza, a turtle pillow pulled up to his chest. She knew he loved turtles and had been meaning to tell him some had been brought into the animal shelter where she volunteered. Pets were not allowed in rooms, unfortunately, a shame as they were going for cheaper prices than at other stores, but she could probably sneak him in to feed them during her shifts.

As he spoke, Alex shared an awkward glance with him, and they both looked away so that the silent exchange was almost unnoticeable.

“They say I need a movie education.” Alex yawned, stretching his mouth like a lion roaring and tossed back his head.

“Careful you don’t fall asleep during the movie.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“How much sleep did you get last night?”

“I don’t know. I was in the library until quite late; I don’t know what time I came back in. So, Eliza, what types of movies do you like?”

“Anything. I don’t really mind. I’ll watch whatever anyone else is watching: comedies or rom coms. Or action. I’m quite a big fan of sort of indie movies, but I really love horror! It's quite fun, watching other people being terrified.”

“Horror movies don’t scare you?”

“Most of them, no. I mean, I was scared of The Blair Witch Project but who isn’t? There are more scary things, aren’t there? In real life? Violence and torture and hatred.”

“Humanity,” Alex finished for her.

Another knock came at the door and Angelica went to get it. Peggy leapt through the air with one pointed toe in front of the other like she was pretending to be a ballerina, though her lack of grace took away the effect as she landed on the ground with a loud smack. She was dressed up in a bright yellow softball shirt and black jeans, her baseball cap pulled low over her eyes.

“It’sa me: Margarita,” she declared in an atrocious Italian accent. Then, she saw Herc’s cheesecake which Angelica had put the slices of onto a plate and dashed across the room to grab as much of it as she could.

Dolley had come in behind her, this time with a t-shirt for Matilda: The Musical. Eliza had once seen her collection of musical merchandise; she brought back a playbill and one piece of clothing from every show she went to see. Dolley waved at everyone in the room and made way for Mattie. Every time Eliza had seen her, which was always when she was with Peggy, Mattie was always smiling, hanging onto every word that came out of Peggy’s mouth. Yet, right now, the blonde girl looked startled.

“John?” she asked.

John stood up and stepped closer to her. “Mattie. I didn’t know you were coming here.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

Eliza had no clue what was going on, but there was something horribly tense about the entire moment, something Eliza did not know how to analyse. If only she were Angelica who knew everything. Sure enough, Angelica looked at them with full concentration through narrowed eyes.

“Oh, that’s John?” said Peggy.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked while Angelica asked “You two know each other?”

“Um, guys,” said John, after a long silence. She knew all the attention on him must be making him nervous. He had confessed some of his worries to her once, though in very little detail. He was not the type to share. “This is Mattie.” He slid his arm around her back. “She’s my girlfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! One quick note is that "Cur non?" basically means "Why not?" in French and historically Laf changed that to the family motto which I find quite funny like some of the stories I read about the founding fathers are hilarious.  
> I love reading your comments. They give me life so I would really appreciate more feedback. Until next time x


	7. Can You Imagine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. It's me and I'm back again with a much shorter chapter. I'm sad I didn't get to include much of my girls in here but they will definitely have more time after this. There's nothing I need to leave warnings for in this chapter so I hope you all enjoy.

“I can’t believe he has a girlfriend, Maria.” Alex sighed as Maria patted her hands down his spine. She had rubbed a kind of lotion into his back before they began that made her touch feel smoother and supposedly would help him to relax more. It smelt of lavender.

“Sorry. I’m bothering you so much about this. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

“You have a right to be upset. You had a crush on him and he turned out to be straight,” she replied. “But there’s nothing you can do about it, except move on.”

“I don’t know if things will ever be the same between him and me, Maria. I haven’t talked to him without the others there and we avoid each other at work. I desperately want to be his friend again, I miss all the good times we had together, but I don’t know what to say to him. Will he forgive me?”

“There’s nothing for him to forgive you for. Neither of you did anything wrong. It was just a misunderstanding. And I doubt he’s going to be homophobic if one of his best friends is Lafayette, for God’s sake.”

“And Peggy. She’s been round at their dorm all the time, which means Mattie comes, too. I’m sure Mattie is great—”

“She is,” said Maria. “He’s lucky to have her.”

“It feels like the whole world has turned against me. I’ve been here less than two months—”

“Don’t go emo boy on me. Go and meet Mattie and be happy for him. Talk to him about it.”

“Well, Laf did say Peggy’s coming tomorrow and we’re going to a market place but I wasn’t really listening.”

“Great. Go with them to that.”

“But—”

“Nope. You can’t avoid your friends forever.” Someone knocked on the door and Maria left to get it. Alex loved the atmosphere in the sorority house, the familiarity and friendliness of the girls with each other. Maria had only moved in recently, chosen as a sister a few nights before that dreaded party, so had not quite finished her decorating. She had hung blood red curtains across the windows which, when drawn, gave the darkened room an eerie feeling as if warning of danger. She had a few pot plants arranged on her desk, no posters but some monochrome photographs of the New York City skyline. The room always smelt sweet, like cinnamon.

“Delivery,” said a girl in a full tracksuit outfit, with a headband wrapped around curly, bobbed hair. She held out a basket to Maria and winked.

“Thanks, Sybil.”

Alex, shirtless and still sitting on the bed waved at Sybil who looked back at Maria. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell James.”

“No, Sybil, it’s not like that, I swear.”

“What did he give you?” Alex asked Maria as she came back to him with the basket. There was a bunch of roses, tied with a red ribbon. Maria held the flowers to her nose and inhaled. There was a note as well, written on a card which was shaped like a heart. She read it to herself, mouthing the words and then holding it to her chest. Finally, she withdrew an expensive looking box of chocolates.

“You wanna share? I can’t stand white.”

“How can you not like white chocolate? It is so sweet and it just melts in your mouth—”

“Yeah, yeah. Get over here.” Without warning, she tossed him one and with some fumbling, he managed to catch it and put it in his mouth, whole.

“That is _so_ good. So are you and James official now?” From all the meetings he had made with Maria since their first meeting, he had found out little else about the man she was seeing other than his name. He had not even thought that much about what might be happening in her life.

She smiled. “He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago. Really took his time. You should probably go.”

“What?”

“There’s a talk soon, women in business, and I was hoping to go to that. Get your clothes back on.”

Maria offered to show him to the door, taking him down the stairs with his heavy laptop bag on his shoulder. As they passed the expansive living room, a girl called out to him.

“Hi, Alexander.” It was Angelica, wrapped in a pink dressing gown, surrounded by at least ten other sorority girls. There was a chorus of “Hi, Alexander,” followed by them dissolving into laughter. Angelica stood and was followed by Theo. Theo was a pretty, triangular-faced girl with dark eyes and thin box braids down her back, in a green bomber jacket and khaki jeans.

“Why you hanging out here all the time? Not giving my girl trouble are you, Alexander?” Angelica asked him, folding her arms.

“Alex has kind of been upset. He got rejected.”

 “Maria,” Alex warned her.

“It’s fine, I won’t say anymore.”

Angelica and Theo looked between each other, unspoken words being shared. Theo gave Angelica a nod and Angelica looked back at Alex.

“Are you free Tuesday night?”

“Um, I think so. Why?”

“Dress yourself up smart. And meet me in front of the lower library at six thirty. You won’t regret. Goodbye, Alexander.” Angelica blew him a kiss and she linked arms with Theo as they returned to their sisters in the sitting room.

“What was that about?”

“No clue,” said Maria. “But Angelica clearly wants to meet you. You should go; she’ll probably kill you if you don’t.”

 

* * *

 

The morning was gray and flavorless. With the bitterness of shorter days came walking to and from classes in the dark, tea shirts and shorts substituted for sweaters, coats and thick socks. The approach of Halloween meant the Christmas displays had started to appear in department store windows and there was a constant chill in the air.

Of course, for James, it was cold all year round.

In darkness, he prepared himself toast, not wanting to switch on any lights in case he disturbed his roommate. Thomas slept with the blankets pulled right up over his head, with only his hair sticking out. James had been ever so careful climbing out of the bed that morning, careful not to brush him and wake him up.

While he waited for his breakfast to be ready, he dressed. He pulled on his binder (loosened from regular use) and a long sleeved shirt and a navy turtleneck with the highest neck he could find. He would need it. He was just getting onto combing his hair when the toast popped up. He ate it with butter only and sat on the floor to do this, careful not to spill any crumbs.

Afterwards, he warmed up a flask of milk to take with him. Most assumed he was drinking coffee, or tea when they saw him drinking from it in the streets, but he had never truly acquired the taste for coffee and had always found tea to lack taste. Additionally, his doctor recommended he drink lots of milk to increase his calcium levels, so drinking milk was like taking his various vitamin and iron tablets, except it tasted better.

The microwave gave the double beep to signify the end of the two minutes he had put the flask in for, and the lump in the bed groaned.

“Ugh, Mads.”

“Sorry,” he whispered, pulling on a pair of thick gloves. Like most of the clothes he owned, they were far too big. He packed up his bag with his books and tiptoed out down the stairs.

He was an early riser, earlier than any of the others in the house, for a great many reasons: he preferred to leave before breakfast preparations so he did not have to interact with anyone. His routine was longer than most people’s and he always had to get to class on time. Usually he arrived early and sat on a bench for a while until he had seen a few people go through the door before him. But he had to factor in accidents or roadblocks, on the rare occasion they did happen, at which point he would have to walk into the class late and have everyone stare at him as he took his seat.

James’ one goal in life was to be invisible. It was the best way of going about, staying silent, hidden. In school, he would have much rather not had a single vote for any yearbook categories than win something like most handsome or most likely to succeed and spent hours speculating over whether he was voted for as a joke. Attention meant people were talking about you, people were whispering about you, people were gossiping about you. People were terrifying.

The universe had made it hard for him. His asthma and allergies had combined with bigger issues, the seizures he used to have when he was younger, him being one of few black children in a mainly white school adding to the fact he had begun transitioning during his senior year of high school. But he had mastered the art, the art of being invisible. Now, the only time he stood out in a crowd was when he began to cough, something he had never been able to control.

Down past the bus stop and the stores already sporting Christmas lights, more than two months too early, wondering what Professor Washington could need to talk to him about. Him of all people. He had received the email yesterday, asking if he could meet him before his classes started. He knew he could not be in trouble, but he did not know what else it could be either; this was his third year of classes with the professor and the only time he paid him any attention was when he was randomly selecting students to answer questions.

“James!” Someone was running up the street behind him. It was Aaron, umbrella glued to right side and a girl with braided hair and a Phantom of the Opera t-shirt walking on his left.

“You didn’t show up, yesterday.”

“Uh, for what?”

“We were going to go to that lecture together,” Aaron said.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I forgot.” He genuinely had forgotten, though he could see the doubt on Aaron’s face. His mind had been occupied since he got the phone call at lunchtime the day before, saying that his brother had been rushed into hospital. Thomas had made an effort to cheer him up, getting them a bottle of wine and cooking his ‘famous macaroni cheese.’ James would never dare admit that no one actually liked the macaroni cheese, which Thomas was always experimenting with, adding strange ingredients. He made it with peanuts quite often which James could thankfully never eat as he was allergic, and he had put in tomato sauce which ended up vaguely edible, but one time he saw him add half a bottle of bourbon. Still, he appreciated the effort his friend had gone to, to calm his nerves. He could be a good person, when he wanted to be. After the meal to cheer him up, they had ended up watching Stranger Things on James’ computer and after that, the details were almost as foggy as the sky that morning after all those glasses of wine, but he had a vague idea of what had happened.

Honestly, James could not blame Aaron for his disbelief. James would be the same, were he in his position. He would make time for him at some point, he thought, he promised himself.

“Hi, I’m Dolley,” said the girl with a cheerful wave.

“Uh, James,” he introduced himself.

“She’s a family friend,” said Aaron.

“I just started here. What about you?”

“Oh no, I’m a junior.”

“Where are you from?”

“Virginia.”

“Oh my God, same. Whereabouts?”

“Orange County. Not the California one.”

“I visited there once, I remember. I’m Hanover, myself.”

“She’s friends with Peggy Schuyler,” Aaron told him.

“Angelica’s sister.”

“Yes. Their whole group is equally loud and equally immature. James, do you want to come with us? We were going to go walking in the park.”

“Not right now. I actually have to see Professor Washington.”

He left a disappointed Aaron and Dolley as they went off on their way towards the park while he headed for the lecture hall.

The Professor was already there waiting for him, his eyes following him all the way from the door down to the stage. His patience was frankly intimidating. Others, you would expect to await others by scrolling through their emails or reading a book, but he stood there like a tall statue until James reached the stage.

“Good morning, Mr Madison.”

“’Morning, Sir,” James mumbled.

“How’s your year been going so far?”

“Good.”

“And how are you?”

“I’m fine.” This standing around and chatting was making him nervous. Washington had clearly not called him here to ask him about his progress and to turn this into some kind of therapy session. “Sir, what is this about?” He managed to squeeze the question out.

“James, you’re a talented writer. I read through your file. Some of your best essays are in there.”

It was relieving to hear this was what stood out in his file.

“I have an offer for you. Now, I know this might be too much pressure for you, but I want to offer you a job.”

“A job?” James’ phone pinged loudly from in his pocket. Both of them ignored it.

“Yes. Working for me. I need an assistant. For letter writing and you could be a teaching assistant in some of my politics classes for freshmen. I’ve never been good at being persuasive in letters and I’ve been having to write letters to the Dean about Mr Lee being president of Beta Theta Pi. I think you’re a member?”

“Yeah, I am.” Charlie Lee was the current president of the Betas, yet he rarely organized any events for them. Recently, he had been making some snide comments about Washington, about how he was incapable at running classes and insulting his aptness to teach.

“There has been evidence of him getting into dangerous activities, which I need the board to look into, but I don’t know how I’d word that letter. It will only be three hours a week at most and I'll pay—” James’ phone pinged again, and again almost immediately after. “Do you need to get that?”

James took out his phone and only glanced briefly upon the screen to see a steady stream of messages from Thomas coming through before he had to turn onto silent mode.

“Yes, so what do you think?”

“I-I need to think about it.” Yes, it was a lot of pressure. It was hard to believe he was the first choice, harder than it had been for him to believe Washington wanted to speak to him in the first place. “Can you give me some time?”

The older man sighed. “I can give you till the end of the week. But I really need to know by then, son. I really want you to consider it. Now, I expect you have things to do. Busy life, whatever you young people get up to.”

James doubted he would be getting up to anything, but he thanked him and exited the hall. He took out his phone again once on the outside to find he somehow had a follow request on Instagram from _dolley_payne_ whom he assumed was the girl he had met only minutes ago. He had no posts on his account even though he had created it years ago, but still had followers. Then, there were the messages from Thomas.

 

 **Thomas** _08:32_

Where u @ Mads?

 **Thomas** _08:32_

Come back

 **Thomas** _08:32_

I miss my pillow

 

Passers-by on the street that day would have glimpsed a rare James Madison smile, followed by a silent laugh that this was what he had been interrupting the meeting with Professor Washington for. Thomas had attached a lopsided picture of himself lying in bed with the blanket pulled right up to his chin which he was leaning into his free hand, as if in deep thought. Seeing he had one more text, he pressed the back button. It was from his dad. As he opened the chat, he prepared for the worst.

 

* * *

 

John and Mattie walked with their arms intertwined, hands folded adjacently. They had been walking this way for some time, weaving between the market stalls. Mattie seemed nice enough, like he had told Maria. Alex could not recall ever having a conversation with her, mainly because he had been staying out of her way. For the two weeks since the revelation of her relationship with John, he held some kind of hatred in his heart for nothing she had done wrong. But now, with them here together, he saw how right they were.

What an idiot Alex was. He had never seen any signals from John. That was just friendship. Friends could be close. That was how some friends were. Surely that was a sign of being comfortable around each other. All of the touches, the long gazes, the compliments that Alex had mistaken for flirting; these only demonstrated what good friends they had become with each other.

He jumped to conclusions. It was as much of a career as his writing. How many times had he done this before? How many times had he thought someone being kind to him was them having a crush? How many times had that resulted in him crushing on them back, and then getting either outwardly rejected or simply realizing for himself he was wrong? He fell in love too easily. Maybe it was the expectation that every person who spoke to him automatically hated him, so he assumed that being nice was attraction.

John kissed Mattie on the cheek. He seemed embarrassed to do any more with Alex watching, and Lafayette and Peggy further back, trying on every display item at a stall selling silk scarves. They appeared to be having a competition to see who could flick their scarf highest into the air. Mattie was interesting to look at, you could say. Clad all in denim, powder blues and lilacs that matched unnatural streaks in her hair. She had on a t-shirt with some chemical symbols from the periodic table which was presumably a science joke which would be very funny to those who actually understood science. It was one of the few things Alex had never been any good at. Her face was not necessarily pretty but striking; heart shaped and babyish. If Alex had run into her earlier; if George introduced him to her instead of to John and Laf, he could have fallen for her instead.

Mattie waved to him as she left, off to join the other two. She and Peggy must be best friends for they accompanied each other everywhere; Alex had never seen one without the other.

Alex and John were alone together. They would have to interact. With neither having any idea precisely what to say, they stood staring at each other for a long time, or John tried to make eye contact while Alex just stared at John’s shoes.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me.”

For a moment, Alex did not say anything. He did not know what to say because his train of thought was running at a hundred miles an hour, putting hundreds of mixed together responses on his tongue. Then he blurted out “I’m really, really sorry and I understand if you don’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

“Alex, of course I still want to be friends. Why would you think I wouldn’t?”

He drove the words out of his throat. “Because you think I’m in love with you,” was the whispered reply. “I’m not, by the way. I just…made a mistake.” Alex never owned up to his mistakes. It was something he was known for. It looked like college really was changing him.

“I don’t think you’re in love with me. And it’s my fault because I should have told you about Mattie. I just thought you already knew. We’re quite open about it.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“About eighteen months. But we’ve known each other a lot longer. She was my best female friend as a kid. ‘Guess it was inevitable we would end up together.”

“Well, actually, it is possible for boys and girls to be _just_ friends with no strings attached and no romance and the reason so few people disagree is because we live in a heteronormative society that socializes men to see women as objects and even when children, if a boy is friends with a girl, we call her his girlfriend.”

John laughed. “I know. I know. I was messing with you. I wanted to see if I could get a reaction.”

“Ugh. You’re a dickhead, Laurens.”

“You’re too kind. But, I mean it. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’re the closest friend I’ve got. Well, you and Laf. But sometimes I feel kind of shut out by them. We don’t have all that much in common other than sense of humor and they have Herc as their best friend.” He looked at Alex, expectantly. “So…are we good?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes! A thousand yes’s. Laurens, there is nothing that brings me greater joy that you can forgive me.” Excitedly, he waved his hands in the air, completely unaware of this until John jumped at one particularly big movement.

“Well, thanks. I mean, there’s nothing to forgive but sure. He was smiling considerably more, now and Alex tore his eyes away. That face, endearing mouth that seemed set in permanent amusement had been one of the things he had liked the most, along with the words that came from it, defiant to the status quo as he talked of his ideas for changing the world for future generations. It would be hard to fall out of love with him. He doubted he ever would, but he could try. “I got you something.”

It took some searching through his backpack to find whatever he was looking for. The backpack was made to look like the shell of one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so was naturally too small for John as its target audience was far younger than him. Eventually he found it; some piece of wool that was red and green and white and stuffed in a bottom corner of the bag. He unfurled it like a flag in Alex’s face.

“A beanie. Mulligan made, one of a kind.” John stretched it out and pulled it down over Alex’s ears. It was cosy and soft and warm, shielding his forehead from the cool breezes that happened to be blowing that afternoon.

“I love it. Now I need to get you something, too.” He made his way to the nearest stall, selling second hand t-shirts, all for less than twenty dollars. John deserved more than this, but as a broke college student, one of these t-shirts was the best present Alex could afford. There was such a wide variety of t-shirt styles here, too. There were those in bright reds and blues that featured famous logos like The Rolling Stones logo or the Batman logo or the Deathly Hallows symbol which had since the release of the book become a hipster pattern. You had your tourist shirts with phrases like ‘I Love NY’ or simply just ‘NYC,’ and somehow one from London and one from Mexico City. There were a few with animal prints; a lion, an owl, a zebra, a wolf. But no turtles.

Finally, he settled on one. It was tie dye; a pink and orange background with blotches of blue and green. If you looked closely and used your imagination, it looked almost like the patterns on a turtle’s shell. It would match his bag very well.

“John, do you think this will fit you?” he asked while the vendor rummaged around in his money pouch to give Alex change for his two ten dollar bills.

“Are you kidding? I’m not wearing that.”

“Why not? It’s beautiful! And it will suit you.

John took it from him and held it up against himself. “I guess it is my color. So how have you been these last few weeks? Anymore arguing with people?”

“No. I mean Jefferson’s said some dumb shit in class but I think I’m going to try and ignore it.” That was a complete lie and John raised a disbelieving eyebrow, but the truth was that the trajectory of Alex’s brain had been entirely following what would become of him and John’s friendship so he had been unable to think up counter arguments for everything Jefferson said in class.

“And I’ve been getting so much writing done and watching lots of Parks and Rec as well because Burr’s been out two nights in a row. Normally when I’m writing, he just sighs every few seconds and tells me I’m typing too loudly and if I watch anything, even with headphones, he says it’s distracting him. It seemed like he was really pissed because I lost his umbrella but he has it back now.”

“Wait, Burr’s been out all night?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“Interesting.”

“What?”

“He doesn’t exactly seem like a party guy, does he?”

“Well, no, but he could be going to the library.”

“The only person who stays all night in the library is you, Alex. This does make sense.”

“Laurens, will you just tell me what you’re talking about, already?”

“I think Burr might be seeing somebody.”

Alex’s head snapped upwards so fast that he felt a jab at top of his spine. “Wait, what? Burr? Why didn’t you tell me? Who told you?”

“It was Herc. One of his work buddies from The Crown saw Burr there a few nights ago.” The Crown was the campus restaurant that Herc waited tables at. “And, to put it into Herc’s words,” John held his splayed hand in front of his cheek and leaned close to Alex to whisper, “’He had a lady friend with him.’”

Before Alex even had time to respond with the thousands of questions simultaneously springing into his head, Peggy ran over, a spotted scarf tangled around her neck.

“Loving that t-shirt. Anyway, Angelica told me I have to try and make friends with you guys because she wants us all to be one big friendship group, like we had at the movie night.” As she talked, she looked at her phone screen and started tapping.

“Are you playing Pokémon Go?” John asked her.

“Do you have it?”

“I need to say I think it’s a capitalist rip off of the original games which were a huge part of my childhood. And yeah, I do.”

“What team?”

“Instinct.”

“Hell yeah! Well done for picking the best team. What starter Pokémon did you choose?”

“A squirtle,” he said, as if it were obvious.

“Oh, I got a Pikachu. Did you know there’s a cheat that lets you have Pikachu as starter?”

"No, but Pikachu are basic."

"Alright. Someone clearly doesn't enjoy nice things."

"Whatever. Pikachu are overrated. I'm just waiting for sun and moon to come out."

"I play Pokémon Go, too," said Alex. "I got it when it came out. And Valor's much better than Instinct."

"Disgusting!" shrieked Peggy. "Laurens, let's go. Your friend is trash."

"Come on, Peggy. We all already know Alex is trash, doesn't mean we can't hang out with him. Everyone knows Mystic is the true enemy."

"Whatever you say. By the way, there's a Charmander nearby."

"You're kidding!"

"I need another Charmander!" said Alex. "I only have one. It was my starter."

"Well, if you catch a second, you can call it Aaron Burrn. And the first one can be named after Burr's girlfriend."

"Aaron Burr has a girlfriend?" Peggy began her interrogation. "What? Where? How?"

"Dude is reliable with the ladies," John replied. "Now, let's go find this fucking Charmander."

This was why on a chilly afternoon in October, Peggy Schuyler, John Laurens and Alex Hamilton in that order sprinted through a farmer's market with their phones blocking their faces, and beyond the market, up a hill. Alex shivered a little and his long, black hair whipped back in the wind and in his eyes, but he was felt a kind of warmth take over him. It might have been the notion of catching a second Charmander or just relief from knowing he still had his closest friend here. Forgiveness (even if he had been reassured there was nothing he needed to be forgiven for) felt magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed that. Yes, more on Burr's girlfriend in later chapters (but you can probably guess what's happening judging by the tags and what happened last chapter). I'm kind of behind on writing now, being only about three chapters ahead in writing than in publishing but I'll have the Christmas holidays soon to catch up. I love the feedback and seeing so many people enjoying this. You guys give me life and until next week.


	8. I Am So Into You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back here again with the latest chapter. I love all your comments so much! I'd like to say I tried to put in emojis for he texting bit but apparently ao3 won't allow that so I had to try it differently. For now, have a cute romantic chapter (and then some angst)

“Oh my God, I look so ugly!” Peggy added the face swapped photo to her Snapchat story.

This evening, Alex was meant to be meeting Angelica. She had sent a message through Herc: a time and place and the instruction to dress nicely. Herc volunteered himself to make an outfit for the occasion and would not take no for an answer. He would do it for free, as a favor for a friend, as long as he promised to direct anyone asking about the clothes to Herc. Then, he produced dozens of fabric swatches and made Alex choose one, grimacing at the piece of green satin that Herc referred to as “parakeet.”

The suit jacket came a few hours before the meeting and Alex knew little about fashion but it was a perfect fit and he thought it looked good on him. He refused Lafayette’s offer to braid his hair and got hopelessly lost trying to find the meeting point which turned out to be just a bench outside a bookstore. On arriving, he found Peggy, instead of Angelica who firstly informed him that Angelica was running late; having to attend a meeting about some Halloween fundraisers, and that Angelica was also her older sister. It made sense; even though they bore little resemblance to each other, the fact that Peggy got invited to their movie nights and showed up to the GSA with her despite being two years younger.

Now, Peggy waited with him, keeping him company and “making sure you don’t run off anywhere.” Alex asked a few times what Angelica needed him for, but the other girl would only tap the side of her nose and make another somewhat degrading remark while testing out Snapchat filters.

“You’re short,” she said, her mouth opening causing the cartoon tongue to appear on the dog filter.

“I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. I’m almost as tall as you.” This was not true. He had four inches on her at least. It was only that she had a high ponytail to boost her height and her lemon yellow Doc Martins had small heels.

“And your man bun’s kind of stupid. You sure you’re actually clever?”

“It’s not stupid!”

“Uh huh, whatever you say, my dude. I’m sure I can take your honest word, Valor scum.”

“Valor are far better than Instinct. How many Instinct gyms do you see around?”

“Approximately ten. I’m gym leader for all of them.”

“Hello, Alexander.” Angelica was suddenly behind them in a trenchcoat and pink beanie of the same design as Alex’s new beanie from Herc, and after having watched the first X-Men with John, Lafayette and Herc the night before, he found himself wondering if she could be a mutant with invisibility as her power.

“You look…nice,” she told him, her smile fading as she examined him. “Peggy, you can go.”

“Good luck.” She saluted him and hurried off down the lane, her bright yellow raincoat a blur in the distance.

“Sorry about the delay. Shall we head off?” She linked her arm through his and her sleeve rose up, showing a handmade bracelet resting on her wrist bone, with letters spelling out ‘Big Sister’ inscribed on flat, white stones.

It was slightly awkward walking like this with Angelica, her being so much taller than him, especially with her sharp heels which clipped on the shimmering pavement, and she walked faster than him. She led him for what felt like some time.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked her eventually.

“I’m about to change your life,” she said as a substitute for a proper answer to the question.

“Then by all means lead the way,” he told her. Another two turns and her pace slowed.

Outside a restaurant with a green overhang sheltering four or five empty tables, a figure leaned against a lamp post with a fur-lined hood pulled down over their face. Seeing them arrive, they pulled down their hood.

There, arms wrapped around herself and shivering a little was Eliza, looking like a princess. Her hair was divided into two French braids with tiny pearl beads coruscating between twists. Her silver necklace was there on her collarbone which she fiddled with using fingers sticking out of gloves shaped like the heads of foxes.

“Angelica, what’s going on?” she asked the other girl once they were within talking distance.

Angelica ignored her, addressing Alex instead. “And here you have the beautiful Elizabeth Schuyler. Who you have already met.”

“Schuyler?” He looked between the two young women.

“My sister.”

 

* * *

 

“So all of us turned out to be gay. Well, actually I have two other sisters; Cornelia and Cathy who are eight and six.” Eliza took another olive from the bowl in the middle of the table and popped it in her mouth. They were assorted types but this particular one had been marinated in garlic, she could tell. “But there’s this one Tumblr post which is ‘reblog if you’re the gay sister.’ And all three of us have blogs. Angelica is a social justice blog and Peggy is fandoms and I post sort of a mix and some aesthetics as well. But we all follow each other and one day we all ended up reblogging the post from each other.”

She smiled up at Alex. She had been talking more than she usually did, rambling. Maybe that was a good thing, because she was rarely able to be this open with anyone other than her own family. Angelica had set them up on a date. That was what this seemed to be. And Eliza was a little annoyed, especially as all of this had happened without her consent, but she could not turn down the offer of good food. This was a vegetarian restaurant known as Hibiscus, one Eliza had passed for the first time months ago and said to Angelica she would like to try there sometime. Between her and Alex, they had ordered five small dishes which were arriving the second they were ready, leaving them crisp and warm in her mouth. And Alex had been staring at her this entire time with a smile, never once interrupting, only talking to question her.

“Maybe Cathy and Cornelia are, too. It could be like the Curse of the Schuyler Sisters.”

Alex almost spat out his Sprite which for some reason had been served to him in a wine glass. “The Curse of the Schuyler Sisters? What’s that?”

“My aunt came up with it. It’s basically that my parents only have daughters. It’s actually quite a funny story.”

“No, I’d love to hear it.”

“Okay.” She tried to think where to begin. “When Angelica was born, my parents thought she was a boy, right?” Her heart skipped for a beat for a minute as she worried about mentioning Angelica being transgender. Angelica was incredibly open about this fact, and proud, too, yet she did prefer to go stealth in some situations, if she was at any risk at all. But Alex was in GSA where Angelica had talked about it before, so he already knew. “And they wanted to be generous, so they decided they would adopt a baby girl to keep her company. And that was me, but when they went to pick me up from the home, there was another baby there in the next crib over who started screaming when they picked me up and woke all the other babies up and they all started crying.” Eliza found herself giggling as she recounted the tale. Of course she did not remember; she had been only a little over a year old when it happened, but she had heard it at family dinners so many times that she could picture it in her head in perfect detail.

“My parents thought it was funny so they decided to adopt her as well and that was Peggy.”

“You and Peggy are adopted?”

“Well, yes. In case you hadn’t noticed, Angelica’s black.”

“I know, I know. It's just you could be step sisters or half-sisters.”

“One time, my dad managed to convince a bunch of senators that my mom is a mix of,” She counted on her fingers, “Chinese, Black, White, Ethiopian and Choctaw Indian, so we’re just a result of genes mixing.”

“Okay, I’m no good at science but I know that’s not the way things work. You’d think qualified senators would be able to understand that.”

“Can I finish the story, please?” The waiter brought over what had sounded tastiest on the menu; chilli mozzarella onion rings with a spiced dip. She took the smallest nibble and savored the flavor in her mouth, chewing slowly just to keep the taste for as long as possible.

“I think Angelica was four when she sort of came out. Then my mom got pregnant accidentally with Cornelia who was also a girl, and then she decided to try one last time and got Cathy. That’s about it. I don’t usually talk this much.”

“I’ve heard I talk too much.”

“I’m shy, I know. I’m not outgoing like Angelica and Peggy. I’ve never been the type to try and grab the spotlight. But I’m working on it.”

“Do you know anything about your biological parents?” he demanded quite loudly, before realizing this was a bit upfront and added, "You don't have to answer that."

“It’s okay. Um, I know a little. I know my bio mom’s name was Amelia and she was nineteen when she had me. That’s the same age as me and I know I couldn’t handle a baby now, so I guess I can understand if she was the same as me why she would want to give me up. I know she was Chinese and my biological dad must have been white, but that’s all I know about him. It doesn’t matter. I got lucky. I got the best possible adopted parents while some people spend their whole childhoods in the system. I’m so, so lucky. And that makes me want to give back. So I’m working towards a degree in social work. But I’d start a home for children if I could. Give them all the opportunities I had.”

“That is such a fantastic idea! Eliza, you’re such a nice person.”

“I’ve been told.”

“I just wanted to know because I’m adopted as well.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but it’s a really different case from you. I’m an orphan. Okay, not really an orphan because I don’t actually know if my dad’s dead. But he left me and my brother and my mom when I was ten, so he’s dead to me. It was really horrible when it happened. He said it was because my mom was cheating with her friend, this guy called Stevens. He said it had been going on for years and that I wasn’t even his which doesn’t really make sense. Mr Stevens was white. My dad went back to Scotland. He had a family there and children. He met my mom in Puerto Rico when he came back to visit his parents, and didn’t go back until then. And then about a year later, I heard he was on the run. Mass credit card fraud. And he couldn’t even share any with us, so we couldn’t afford medicine and then two years later my mom got sick. But it’s like you said, I got lucky. My foster parents are great.”

He finished off the last onion ring and the waiter came over to take all their small snack plates. Eliza retrieved her butterfly purse from her pocket and laid out the money Angelica had given her. Angelica did seem unafraid to throw away money. And she did have money to throw away; the Schuylers were an old money family with thousands of dollars put into the accounts of their children once they came of age. Eliza tried to save hers so that after she had graduated, she could donate large amounts of it to charity.

“Do you want to stay to get dessert? There’s actually a place down the street where they make the best ice cream.”

Eliza pulled Alex out through the restaurant doors, thanking each waiter she passed. As they queued for their ice cream – traditional Italian gelato – they made small talk of all the things they liked. They already knew each other’s movie preferences and sexual orientations, but they found plenty of humor.

“One time I had a guy ask me if being bisexual meant you could only love two people. I told him that their names were Ben and Jerry.”

“That is so me! But if someone said that to me, they’d need serious educating. I just don't understand how you could not understand the concept. It's not hard because if you can be attracted to one and the other, why not both? Why not all? It doesn't make sense to me how people could be so stupid.”

“Oh, can I get a scoop of caramel and a scoop of pistachio please? In a cup? Thank you.” She leaned up to the counter to give her money and let Alex choose. He had made his the second they got in line and huffed and stood on his tiptoes as each person took their careful time picking the ideal flavors.

“Can I get a scoop of bacio, a scoop of coffee and a scoop of mint chocolate chip with some cream and chocolate sauce in a cup?”

“You have strange taste,” Eliza told him once they had both paid and he was swirling all the flavors together with his spoon.

“But it tastes so good! So have you had a girlfriend before?”

“Yeah. A few years ago. But before her, there was one boyfriend when I was fourteen. I’m not the best for dating. Angelica says the problem is I date too seriously. I want long term and that’s not what everyone wants. What about you?”

“A lot of flings but nothing that really lasted. I get crushes all the time, like multiple ones at once though, which is a stereotype but for me it’s true.”

“Angelica mentioned something to me that you had a crush on someone who rejected you.”

“Yeah. That’s why she planned this whole thing in the first place. This boy, I really liked him, even though I’ve known him two months, I really felt a connection with him, and then he turned out to be straight.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s John Laurens. That doesn’t make you uncomfortable, does it?”

“No, of course not. Why would it?” Yes, John was dating Mattie Manning, but Eliza could admit he was handsome. Falling for friends, she had done that before. Most people had. The question was if they were to continue after this one pivotal point, the end of the first date, would his feelings be reserved for her or would he be hung up on John? Thankfully, Alex answered that in his next sentence.

“Because I’m meant to be on a date with you and it doesn’t work if I like someone else. Not that I don’t like you. Because I do, I mean so far, because you’re really nice and funny—”

“Alex, relax.”

“Relax? I’m relaxed.”

They decided they would walk back to their dorms together. They were in the same building and still had much to talk about, even if it was getting late. As they climbed the stairs up to their rooms, she told him about her work at the animal shelter and her playing the piano and her vegetarian diet and how she would go vegan if she did not love ice cream and frozen yoghurt so vehemently. Alex explained that he wanted to be a lawyer when he grew up and a part time writer. He revealed the concept of his book, a romance between two men at the time of the American Revolution, highlighting each character.

“And it also shows issues to do with slavery because Josiah is mixed and his mother is still being kept as a slave and it shows all the slaves and free African Americans who fought during the war who are always ignored, which is really unfair and also shows issues of mental illness and the roles of women during the revolution.”

“Well, I’d read that. Angelica would probably read it, too and send it back to you having corrected all the historical inaccuracies. They better not die at the end, Robert and…what was his name?”

“Josiah. And I promise you, they won’t die. I hate when they always have to die. What kind of message does that spread? That we can't have happy endings?”

“Yes, I know. Peggy explained the concept to me. It’s horrible. She was really angry about it after what happened on Orange is the New Black—”

“Don’t spoil it for me! I’m only on season two.”

“It really isn’t nice, trust me. I didn’t even know the character names and I still cried. This one’s mine.” They stopped in front of her door, Eliza’s hand sliding to the handle. “I had a really great night. So thank you.”

“I think we need to thank Angelica. If it takes being set up on a date by your sister for us to meet properly, it will have been worth it. But, Eliza, I need to know, will I be able to see you again?”

“I assume you're going to be at John's party, tomorrow.”

"Yeah, at the animal shelter! He's going to love it. Are you going?"

"Yes. Because it's the animal shelter where I work. It was my idea."

"You came up with the idea? Eliza!"

"I'd been planning to take him for sometime to see the turtles and I told Angelica and she told Herc and he said we should do it for his birthday."

“What I mean is see you privately if you know what I mean.” He winked. “Seriously, I really do want to again.” He gave her his phone which had a photo of an ocean horizon as the lock screen, then took it back when he realized he had forgotten to unlock it. She put in her number and three of the blue heart emoji at the end of her name.

He took her hand which was bare now that she had taken her gloves off and pressed a kiss to her knuckle, the one with the scar from that incident in second grade.

“I’ll text you, I promise,” he said to her.

As he walked away, she turned to unlock the dorm room door and turned back to sneak a glance at Alex. Thinking no one was watching, he fist pumped the air and did some kind of celebration dance. Stifling a laugh, she twisted her key and entered the room.

There were many things she needed to register at once taking place. Firstly, there was Dolley on the floor with her back against Eliza’s bed, eating with a spoon straight out of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream tub that Eliza knew was hers, while sorting through cards from a Cards Against Humanity box that Eliza knew was not hers. Secondly, Mattie was doing a kind of dorky dance that could give Alex a run for his money, and finally Peggy was bouncing on Sally’s bed, singing at top volume, with loud music blaring in the background.

“MEMORY—”

“Peggy!”

“Oh, hi Eliza. Um, I’m a figment of your imagination?”

“What are you doing in here?”

“We ran out of ice cream. And Dolley is auditioning for some new Broadway show which will apparently be bigger than Les Mis so she needed to practise an audition song, so I picked the lock.”

“I’m really sorry, Eliza. I can pay you back for the ice cream,” Dolley offered.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just…Peggy, if you want to break into my room, ask next time, alright?”

“Sure thing, Betsey,” Peggy said, though the promise did not at all sound genuine. “Let’s go, girls.”

 

* * *

 

Aaron nestled under Theo’s arm and entwined his fingers with hers. This was now the third time this had happened.

The first had been after their date. What a peaceful evening that had been. In the end, Aaron had taken her to the Crown and prayed Hercules Mulligan would not be working at the time they booked their table for. It was one of his favorite restaurants, despite all of his bad memories from there, and the waiting staff knew him well enough to see that everything was in perfect condition.

Candles were placed in front of them, more than any other tables had, and a vase with real purple tulips was set in the middle. After both of them had ordered burgers, they got to know each other better.

Theo’s full name was Theodosia. She had been named after her father whom she had never met; not even as a baby. No one had ever called her Theodosia in her life, other than some old fashioned aunts.

She had lived in the suburbs of New Jersey, the elite with pastel walls and lawns mown once a month like clockwork, where it was normal for girls to take regular riding lessons.

She was two years older than him despite also being a junior because she had travelled through Europe for two years after high school. She was a part of the Alpha Xi Delta sorority; her roommate was currently the president of it. She studied Psychology. She was a horse rider and part of the school’s equestrian club. She had many medals proving her skill at this. She was a fan of old cult films, old science fiction novels, something she and Aaron had in common.

He had recounted his entire life story to her by the time their basket of breadsticks and olives came and were making bad jokes when the main courses arrived. Theo said she would open a coffee shop if she ever became rich, just so she had the opportunity to name it “Teaodosia.”

He took her home in the backseat of a taxi and kissed her under his umbrella on the front lawn of the Alpha Xi house. She invited him inside because supposedly her roommate was meeting up with her sisters. It all happened quickly, but soon they were having sex in her bedroom.

It was only after that she brought up the boyfriend.

He was called Jacques and Theo had been with him since high school. As soon as he had graduated, he signed up to join the army and had been sent to fight in Syria around the time she returned to America. Theo had never cheated, not once. She had never thought she would because she loved Jacques, loved him with all her heart. When she was young and silly, in her own words, she thought he was her soulmate, she had thought they would marry, so she was devastated when he went away.

His career was entirely against everything she believed in. She had recently become a pacifist and strongly against war, which was a difficult belief to have when your boyfriend was a soldier. He did not stay in touch with her. He had many opportunities to come back and visit but never did and it had been more than two years since she saw him last. They talked on _Skype_ but the last call they shared was three months before. She had intended to break up with him then, but it seemed cruel over a small screen. He was going to come back and visit during July, but he had cancelled. She kept trying to call but he was always busy and could never pick up, so she would just have to carry on, knowing she did not want him as her boyfriend but not being able to express that. Her sleeping with Aaron was technically still cheating and for that, she felt dreadful.

Aaron had not known what to do. A woman already in a relationship? That was not something he wanted to get involved with. Maybe after she had officially broken up with him  but not now. However, he saw Theo again in the college cafeteria and sat beside her, not wanting to stay away any longer. This was two weeks later. They slept together again that night and then the night after, which lead them to the present.

Theo was incredible. He did not want to put her up on some kind of pedestal, but every time he looked at her, he saw someone who was far too good for him. She was talented, flirty, funny, intelligent. He was just an overly ambitious law student with nothing to show for it.

“Theo?” he said to her, softly. For the first time, they were in his own room, because her roommate, whom he had discovered was Angelica Schuyler to his shock, had been coming back early to work on some kind of makeup project with another girl from the sorority.

“Want to go for round two?”

Aaron bent his back upwards, raising the blanket with him as his hip bones rubbed against Theo’s.

“I’m sorry.” Alexander was in the doorway, a plastic bag clutched tightly in one hand. “Sorry,” he apologized, as Aaron rolled off Theo.

“Alex,” Theo smiled at him. “How was your date?”

“Yeah, great actually.”

Aaron had so many questions like how Theo knew Alexander and who he had just been on a date with and why for once in his life he was back before midnight.

“Sorry, Aaron. I should go.” She reached across him and lifted up her bra and underpants from where they lay by the side of the bed, and pulled them on while still between the sheets.

“Alex, would you mind looking away for a second?”

“Sure, sure.”

Theo slid on her jeans, t-shirt, coat and beret which she wore when outside, then kissed Aaron on the forehead. “To be continued,” she whispered, then glided out of the door.

“Burr?” he asked, once she was gone.

“Don’t say a word.” Alexander was standing beneath the letter which he found in the trashcan, the one Aaron had written in anger at the loss of his umbrella and which the other man had found so funny that he framed it.

“Well, John said he heard you were seeing someone”

“I don't know where he heard!" Aaron was filled with dread that others could find out about this.

“Oh, well that’s…okay. You and Theo Bartow?”

“Yes.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“A few weeks.”

“Well, if you ever come and hang with all of us, you should bring her along. It would be fun.”

“You’re very kind, but I’m afraid I couldn’t, Alexander.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s already in a relationship.”

“I see.”

“With a soldier fighting in Syria.”

“Oh shit.” For once, Alexander was lost for words. “And he…”

“She hasn’t seen him in two years. Congratulations on your own date. Who was it with?”

“Eliza Schuyler.”

“One of the Schuyler sisters?”

“You know her?”

He did know her. He had seen that girl, the middle sister, on the first day back. She seemed sweet, and looked nothing like Angelica nor the younger one, prompting him to think they were just friends until she had introduced them as her sisters.

“Lucky you. You should…be happy.”

“I am happy.”

“Then smile more.” Alexander laughed at the repetition of Aaron’s advice from the early days and even Aaron had to chuckle a bit. He supposed they were sort of friends now. “I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I will never understand you,” Alexander replied. “If you love Theo, go get her. What are you waiting for?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

* * *

  

11pm (at least that had been the time when John last checked on his phone) and the words had begun to swim off the page. This was either down to the rapid stream of texts flowing in from Mattie that distracted him or because of the beer he had been steadily drinking for the last hour. He was now onto the third can.

Normally, he could read the words, with enough focus. Distractions were the problem, causing the sentences to turn to gibberish. John had a moderate form of dyslexia was what the teachers had decided in middle school. He could read, he could write, but it took more concentration than for most and more time.

His grades had never been good. He was the embodiment of mediocre, getting just above average in Biology. Southern schools were not the most open-minded, but they had adapted to his learning difficulties, giving him additional classes, extra time in exams. There were things his schools were less accepting of. His dad had never exactly approved of any of this “special treatment.” He called a meeting with the principal back when he was fifteen and participating in the school production of Into the Woods. He was only in the ensemble but his dad did not like the rehearsals cutting from John’s homework time. In this meeting, he complained about this other factor, saying the school was only encouraging John to be a slacker. Henry was sceptical about the existence of dyslexia, not outright denying its existence, but saying how hard it was to tell with John; he could just be not trying. The principal remained his cool which was unexpected for John’s father was a public figure in town and used to getting his way. The principal who was called Mr Campbell told him plainly that he was legally required to give John these services. However, John had agreed to drop out of the musical.

He had always scraped by, weathering the storm of SATs and ACTs to just grasp the pass grades. But his work was slipping and he had gone from B’s and C’s to D’s. Dyslexia was not even a difficulty any longer. It was just that he did not know quite what the difficulty was. Surely it had to be more than just procrastination. Drinking likely had something to do with it and he had promised he would only have one drink. How much he hated himself right now.

Herc and Laf were at a party and he used what restraint he had to stop himself following. Tonight was nothing but studying for the test the day after. He looked back down at the page which was on speciation, but he was taking in none of the words. His phone consistently buzzed at his side, until he finally picked it up to reply to Mattie’s texts.

 

 

 

 **Marshmallow Manning** _21:58_

OK we’re back at our dorm

 **Marshmallow Manning** _21:58_

Eliza came back and sent us away

 **You** _21:58_

Ehat were u doing in Eliza’s room

 **Marshmallow Manning** *purple heart emoji*  _21:59_

We ran out of ice cream

 **Marshmallow Manning** *purple heart emoji*  _21:59_

Gem from CAH: “dying is a slippery slope to necrophilia”

 **You** _21:59_

*crying laughing emoji* 

 **Marshmallow Manning** *purple heart emoji*  _21:59_

I LOVE PEGGY SHE IS SO SEXY I WANT HER VAGINA ON MY FACE

 **You** _21:59_

Peggy give Mattie ger phone back

 

He locked his phone as Mattie went offline and flicked to the next page when another message came through. He assumed it was Mattie or Peggy pretending to be Mattie and was ready to not read it but taking a quick glance at his lit up screen told him otherwise.

**Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:01_

BIRTH *3x party popper emoji* * 3x birthday cake emoji* *3x balloon emoji*

 

October twenty eighth. John had just turned twenty. He wasn’t a teenager any longer. He had almost forgotten himself, losing track of the date, so he didn’t think anyone else would remember.

 

 **You** _00:02_

Thank u

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:02_

Laurens

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:02_

WHY ARE YOU AWAKE

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:02_

?????

 **You** _00:02_

I’m Syydinf

 **You** _00:03_

Styling

 **You** _00:03_

Studying

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:03_

YOU CAN’T STUDY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY *face screaming in fear emoji*

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:03_

WE ARE GOING TO THROW YOU THE BEST PARTY EVER

 **You** _00:03_

How was thing with Angelica?

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji*  _00:05_

She set me up on a date with Eliza

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:05_

We went to a veggie restaurant and the food was actually good!!!

 **Alexander** **Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:05_

Then we had ice cream!!!

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji*

And she’s really nice and wants to start a children’s home and she’s REALLY PRETTY and has nice hair!!!!!!

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji* _00:06_

And I feel like I really know her even though this is the first time we’ve had a proper conversation  without being interrupted and she likes my story and I really like her

 **You** _00:06_

I’m happy for u

 **You** _00:06_

Hope it goes well

 **You** _00:06_

See u in morning

 **Alexander Damnilton** *lion emoji*  _00:06_

Sleep well Laurens *face throwing a kiss emoji*

 

Eliza. Eliza the kind, Eliza the loyal, Eliza the talented; proof that human beings without flaws existed. She would be good to Alex, she would be right for him, if they ended up as an official couple. He had not been lying; he was happy for them. He had immeasurably regretted turning Alex down all those weeks ago and having to lie to him. He could tell it had completely wrecked Alex, an action that resulted in endless guilt from John. Alternatively, what had seemed worse was the destruction to the fantasies, those daydreams that were so wrong where he imagined that he and Alex could possibly be together.

The younger man was everything John wanted to be. He wanted to be him, not be with him was what he told himself. But there were so many reasons to admire Alex, to want to be like him. He was proud of his identity and what he believed in. If someone went against his ideals, he would certainly correct them and explain why they were wrong, if using an admittedly aggressive method. He spoke his mind, stood up for what was right, not afraid to hide, never letting himself be pushed aside. His words were enchanting, his mind astonishing and he could charm anyone. His riveting words in his writing and in the enthusiastic text messages he sent John in the middle of the night put him under a spell.

Now was not the right time for John. He and Mattie would carry on pretending to date each other until both of them were prepared to come out to their families. There were days when John thought his sexuality was a secret he would take to his grave. He had known for many years and denied for many years and lied for many years. Even thousands of miles away, Mattie and John could never escape South Carolina. He would be out at university if he could be, kiss boys, date boys, love boys, but he could never risk his parents finding out second hand. So many students here the Laurens clan knew back in Charleston and were on speaking terms with at least one member of the family. Gossip spread like wildfire. John knew with all the rumors he got from Herc, some of the information seeming unattainable. If John so much as held hands with a boy, he was certain his father would know within the hour. Mattie was the same case, the Mannings not being as prominent in the town but just as traditional. He thought Mattie had wanted to tell her parents for quite some time, though she was still in the figuring out stages, she claimed. She attended GSA and he was fully aware she had kissed girls before, even though it was only in private. He was delaying her.

He was nothing but a scared little boy. Pathetic and stupid and ashamed and wrong, so wrong, everything about him was wrong. Alex deserved so much better than John. Lying to him and being just his friend was sparing both of them from John who would eventually drag Alex down with him. Yes, Eliza was a good match for Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading x


	9. If I Could Grant You Peace Of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone. It's me, here with finally a cute, fluffy chapter. There's rape mentions at the start of the chapter but that's very short. So everyone enjoy x

“I’d like to see the dean, please.” Angelica stood boldly with her folder held up against her chest. With her hair straightened and her septum ring removed, wearing mainly black including her glasses, she cursed her desperation inside her head. All these were attempts to make herself look more professional in the hope she could be taken seriously.

The dean’s secretary did not even look up from her computer. “Back again, Miss Schuyler?”

It was true that Angelica had been in here every day that she had free time. It was always the same excuse; that the dean was in a meeting or seeing someone else more important than her and she would have to come back at another time. It was always the wrong time.

“Can I see him, please?”

“Dean Adams is very busy right now. Maybe if you came back later.”

“You’d think with all the meetings he’s going to, we’d see some change going on in the school.”

The secretary gave Angelica the privilege of looking at her.

“All this shows me is that you have no concept of how difficult it is to run such a large university.”

“This has been going on long enough.” Angelica slid her legs up onto the desk and landed on the floor on the other side as gracefully as she could. Her legs buckled beneath her but she started to run. Even in heels, it was easy to outrun the secretary the few steps into the hallway that went through to the dean’s office, because her legs were shorter and she still had to get up out of her restrictive chair.

“Wait! You can’t be back here!”

Angelica saw the closed door that said “Dean J. Adams” and leapt forwards, managing to twist the handle and get the door slightly ajar before the secretary had caught her by the arm.

The office was empty. She had a clear view from where she was standing of the tidy space; a grander desk than the one at the reception with books and folders stacked into ordered piles. Not one thing was out of place. Angelica knew what this symbolised. From the subjects she tutored for, she knew cleaners only came into the teachers’ offices once a week; on Friday afternoons. That meant, unless he was abnormally tidy, he had not been in his office for nearly a week.

“Angelica? What’s going on?” A concerned voice called from behind them. There stood Mrs Adams, holding hands with a little girl of about Cathy’s age who bore the same auburn curls.  Mrs Adams was the Women Studies teacher. She also happened to be married to the dean. She was a good teacher with an insightful view on issues; there was no doubt about that. She was good at getting the class silent when needed and getting them into discussion when needed, vindictive and fair which meant those who might have had it easier in other classes had to behave and work much harder to win her affection..

The secretary released Angelica and mumbled an apology. The little girl had been led into fits of giggles by this display.

“I wanted to speak to the dean,” Angelica told her. One of her feet was sticking half out of her heel and she subtly slipped it back into place.

“Lisa, can you take Nabby up to my office?” She then addressed her daughter. “Baby, my IPad’s in the top desk draw if you want to play with it. I’ll be up in about half an hour. Angelica, let’s go in here. Hopefully, we won’t be disturbed.

She was led directly into the dean’s office, the door closed behind them and she was able to check on her suspicions at a closer range. There had been no mistake; the place had not been used since the last cleaning. Angelica knew you could figure out a lot about a person from their office and what they kept there. There was nothing in here to tell anything about Adams’ personality. He had no family portraits, no calendars or birthday cards or fiction books to read in his free time or posters. The only object other than the papers and files on that wooden surface was a bobble head bulldog. This was a place for work and nothing more.

Mrs Adams sat on a cushioned chair to the side and Angelica sat opposite her.

“Angelica, what do you need to speak about that means you’ve been in here so often?”

“I was lied to. Your secretary said the dean was too busy to see me but he’s not even here. Does he ever come into work?”

“You’re talking to me now. Please do not take out your issues with my husband on me. As much as I like to think I’m close to him, we are not the same power and it is out of my ability to control him. And please, call her by her name. It’s Miss Cascini or Lisa.”

“Okay, well I’ve been collecting cases on sexual harassment, because I don’t think the staff are doing enough to prevent it, especially as it’s such a common problem. I have a few statements here.” She started pulling sheets of paper from within the file. She had typed all the quotes up by now, more presentable. “Here I have a statement from Sally Hemings, a freshman about one student harassing her. And a few from sources who wished to remain anonymous. And I have some locker room talk that should be investigated into. One man said he ‘got it on with a drunk chick.’ She had no idea what was going on or where they were and continuously asked who he was through the entire encounter. Then, Charles Lee giving someone drugs before a sexual encounter. And I have boys’ experiences, too.”

“Angelica, slow down. Clearly, I understand that this is a big problem. Both of us know, we talk about it in class all the time. And the university is already doing everything it can.”

“It doesn’t look like it if the dean never even comes into work.”

“I’ve already said, you’re speaking to me, not my husband. You have campaigned for change your entire time here.”

“Yes. Necessary change.”

“I agree. It was unfair to not allow transgender people into the fraternities and sororities. And you fought against that and got yourself as an Alpha Xi sister and helped other students as well, all in your freshman year.” Angelica doubted she would have been blocked from entering Alpha Xi if not for her explicitly saying she was trans during her interview to join. Most of the girls had been really impressed with her high school grades and recommendations. Those who had a problem with her, she had educated once she was allowed into the sorority. Education solved most problems, she found.

“And lowering rape rates isn’t necessary? It is saving lives. Thirty three percent of rape victims consider suicide.”

“We’ve escalated from sexual harassment to rape?”

“Yes. That’s how bad some of it is.”

“It does not happen that regularly and when it does, we do everything we can to help—”

“But that doesn’t stop it happening. That doesn’t stop the trauma. And what about that girl a few years ago who was forced to drop out because her rapist was a star athlete here and no one wanted to put the blame on him? Or that boy who was gay and…you know what happened. That’s two big cases over five years. Adding to the small cases that you cover up and the ones that no one ever tells about and when they don’t even realize what happened was wrong like with the being drunk at the party, because of the rape culture in our society.”

“Angelica, I’m not saying what you want isn’t good. It’s a fantastic thing to aspire to. The problem is, it might be just too forward thinking.”

 _Too forward thinking_. This was what her feminist Women Studies professor who used to participate in riots was telling her.

“It’s not I don’t agree. I agree with you completely. But we can’t solve all the problems in the world in a day. It takes years of hard work. We cannot have everything now and for someone so young, you have achieved so much. Your Black History Month project last year was incredible. Will you ever be satisfied?”

Angelica shook her head. “Probably not. But no one would believe me last year when I said that one student whose face I never saw tried to assault me when I was heading home. I got away, but something like that makes you paranoid. I was told I shouldn’t have been out so late, but if not me, it could have been some other girl who might not have had brass knuckles and pepper spray.”

“I believed you.”

“And I was told it was just a way to seek attention because no one would listen to me when I told staff that Thomas Jefferson’s crush on me had become stalkerish and it was making me uncomfortable.”

“Well, you have been known to blow things out of proportion.”

“Oh, that is it! There’s no point talking to you if you won’t listen. I’ll do this my way. I’ll see you on Monday, Professor, but I actually have a friend’s birthday party to get to now.”

“Wait.” Mrs Adams stood up. “Before you leave, could I have that statement on Charles Lee, please?”

 

* * *

 

“They both have really good chemistry and this was only in the first episode. They were holding hands and it looked like they were on a date. I’ve always gotten gay vibes from Alex but if it turns out it’s just queerbaiting, again, I’m gonna fight a bitch.”

"Well, I hope it happens. I just wish it would happen in the movies as well." Peggy was updating Eliza on the latest episode of Supergirl, a show Eliza had never been able to get into, even though she had watched other DC series and enjoyed them.

Everyone was going to meet at the animal shelter. Angelica and Theo and Maria and Peggy, Dolley and Mattie, then John’s inner circle: Alex and Lafayette and Herc. When Eliza told Angelica of her idea to take John to see the turtles at her work at some point, Angelica adored it and seized it as part of her plan to bring together ‘The Schuyler Squad’ with the other friendship group.

Eliza took Peggy in round the back of the shelter, the way that took them to the break room. The door was barred by a man with a shaven head and an umbrella.

"Hi. It's Aaron, isn't it?"

"Yes, and I don't want to be here. I was dragged along, unwillingly."

"Boo hoo. It's a party," said Peggy. "Quit whining. Enjoy it instead of being such a buzzkill."

 Burr was disgruntled by this, taking a step back. “I’ve been told to make sure you all stay quiet. John’s arriving soon and apparently he’s blindfolded and not supposed to have any idea where he is.” He stepped aside for them to pass and Peggy very deliberately nudged him with the big parcel she was carrying. Peggy really seemed to have taken to John because she rarely bought people birthday presents. On quite a few occasions, she had even forgotten Eliza’s birthday and given her the most handmade gift possible.

Some of the others had arrived. As well as the new arrivals, there was Alex, Maria, Dolley and Mattie. The woman who ran the shelter, Karen, must have let them all in. Eliza had told that they would all be coming and they should not be too much of a disturbance to visitors looking to adopt, but she changed her mind on that now. Mattie and Dolley were crowded around a phone in fits of giggles whilst, in the corner, Alex shouted about how angry he was with his law professor.

“And then he told me that this isn’t high school anymore and that they have certain expectations even though I explained to him why I couldn’t do the reading, but he wouldn’t listen and made me stay behind afterwards to clean up.”

“Hey.”

“Eliza!” Alex said, loudly, and everyone else there called her name as a sign of welcome. She hugged each of them, except for Peggy who bolted to the couch and jumped into Mattie’s lap with such force the other girl vanished into the cushions.

“So, now Alex and Eliza are in the same room, how about you spill on last night?”

“What happened last night?” asked Dolley.

“Was this the thing Angelica wanted you for?” asked Maria.

“Eliza went on a date with Alex,” Peggy said in a stage whisper.

“Aw. That’s nice. How did it go?”

“Well, no offence, Dolley, but that’s kind of between me and Alex.”

“Alex and I,” a voice corrected her. Angelica was in the doorway, hands on hips and with her hair straightened with Theo at her side. Each of them had a present in magenta wrapping with black bows. “Sorry we’re late. I was held up by some morons. Eliza, how did your date with Alex go yesterday?”

“Do we have to talk about this now?”

“Yes, we do.”

Burr ran into the room and in a hushed voice, said “They’re coming up the street, now.”

“Dolley, get the lights,” Angelica commanded. “Everyone hide.”

There was a wide space behind one of the chairs which Eliza went to and Alex followed her into and they peered over the top. John was entering the darkened room, though he could not see it was darkened; he had a bandanna over his eyes. Lafayette held one of his arms and Herc had the other.

“Okay, I know we’re inside. How much further is it?”

“We are there.” Lafayette pulled off the bandanna and as John blinked to adjust to what little light there was, everyone leapt out from their hiding places.

“Surprise!” Eliza hugged him tighter than she had anyone else as he looked on, delighted.

“What is happening?”

“John, we have a very special treat for you for your birthday.”

“Yeah?”

“This is the animal shelter where I work so my treat for you is to let you in and see the animals.”

“What did you say?”

“You’re going to get to look at the animals. And hold them if you want.”

“Eliza…you are officially my favorite person.”

“What about me?” Lafayette asked.

“Or me?” said Alex.

“Or me?” Peggy weighed in. “Or alternatively, your girlfriend who had some very special help picking out your birthday present. I’ll give you a hint; I was the special help.”

Eliza took John’s hand and a set of keys from off the counter as she showed him through to the kennels room. She had on her staff t-shirt so any guests looking to adopt would not feel alarmed by this group of raucous young people walking the corridors of the shelter, unsupervised.

At their arrival, the dogs perked up in their spaces, running to the locked gates and barking. There was a particular set of golden retriever twins called Buttons and Izzy whom Eliza had been caring for since they had been brought in. Back then, they had been but a few months old, malnourished and ridden with fleas, and Izzy had a torn ear. Now, they looked so much healthier, were more energetic than believable and recognized Eliza before she could be seen from their viewpoint.

She unlocked their cage and prepared herself as they dashed towards her. Peggy had been here with her a few times and knew what to do to stop them escaping. She took Izzy while Eliza took Buttons and extended her to John. After this exchange, Buttons barked with uncertainty at the stranger holding her but he took Peggy’s example of scratching Izzy’s chin to help the other dog relax in his arms. Soon, she was licking his hands and pawing at his forearms.

“She’s so fluffy. What’s her name?”

“Buttons. I think she likes you.”

“I like her, too.”

“I want to hold her,” said Herc, and so, the puppies were passed around. Eliza went around the cages, letting her friends inside instead of letting new dogs out which would be irresponsible. The only one who did not want to hold one, or go anywhere near one was Burr, who claimed he was allergic to dogs. Giving Herc a Chihuahua the same size as one of his hands, she went back to John who sat in the cage of the twins with Mattie, and Peggy supervising them.

“I love them so much,” John said, half collapsed on the floor. He was completely different to how she had ever seen him before; not laidback and jokey nor passionate and justice-driven like he was as he ranted to her about police brutality, an issue he felt very strongly about. Around the dogs, he just melted.

“Eliza?” said Peggy, feigning innocence as she looked up at her. “Are you going to show him the turtles?”

“Turtles?” He sat up straight. Peggy had gotten just the reaction she wanted. “There are turtles? Where are the turtles?”

“Alright, let’s go. They’re in the aquarium.”

“You have an aquarium?” His grip on the small dog loosened and Buttons started scrabbling at the ground, thinking she could run from him.

“Yes, and it’s nearly their feeding time. You might get the chance to feed them if you want.”

Ten minutes later, with everyone rounded up, Eliza showed the precarious gang into the darker and cooler aquarium room, glass tanks.

“So that’s the reptiles over there. That’s lizards, geckos, snakes, tortoises and of course, turtles.”

“Can I hold a cobra?” Herc asked her.

“You would be able to if we had any.”

“Can I hold an _anaconda_?” Peggy asked which engendered a rendition of Anaconda from Peggy, Mattie, Dolley, John, Alex and most surprisingly, Angelica, who happened to know all of the faster raps instead of just the chorus.

She directed John’s attention to a large tank, filled with fresh water, rocks protruding from the surface on which grew leaves. Half a flower pot was upturned at the bottom to make a roof for the turtles to nest under. Inside were the latest new arrivals, turtles ranging from a year old to just a month old. The baby ones were miniscule and could have balanced on Eliza’s pinkie finger.

“There’s some hand sanitizer and a sink over there. Make sure you all wash.” As they were all doing this, Eliza took a box of mixed berries and one of shredded lettuce from the cupboard. John was first in line for the feeding process as she stuck her hand into the warm water and felt around until she found one of the turtles. It was a box turtle, about six months old, with a greatly curved shell engraved with yellow lines. Its beady eyes regarded her and she handed it over.

“You have to hold them by the midriff, not the feet. That hurts them.”

John cradled the tiny turtle in his hands and brought it to his chest. “Dammit, I want to keep him. I’m going to call him Gary.”

“Well, you’re not really supposed to bring pets into rooms.”

Her friend continued to hold the turtle – Gary – up to his face, stroking its head and rubbing the small ridges of the shell, his face a vision of ecstasy. She had to take some pictures, which she did, as well as of Peggy posing in front of all the fish tanks.

“Look, Eliza, I’m a mermaid. I’m Ariel. All I need is a red wig.”

“Maybe Maria could dye your hair for you.”

“I don’t know. I think I’d look pretty good as a ginger. They’re meant to be sexier, right?”

“Or devilish.”

“Both of those sound accurate for me. I could cosplay as Poison Ivy. But I’d rather be Harley Quinn to be honest. Even if she's mainstream right now.”

“I didn’t know you were a hipster.”

“I’m not,” Peggy insisted. “I just know I won’t be able to find any real Harley Quinn costumes. All I’ll be able to find is t-shirts for wannabe emos, saying ‘You’re my joker’ and shit. I might just get her costume from Suicide Squad and stick a piece of paper on the back of the jacket which is like an essay on why she isn’t property of the joker.”

“Look I can balance one on my head!”

“Alex, no.” Eliza had to turn away from Peggy then and run over to the turtle tank where John was now collectively carrying three turtles while Alex was raising a two month old turtle into the air.

“I was only joking.”

“I’m calling this one Sheila,” John said about a painted turtle that was scampering its way up his wrist.

“Actually, that one’s male.”

“So what? Turtles don’t have a concept of gender. And he just seems like a Sheila.” He nodded to the one on Alex’s head. “We should call that one Hamilton. Because it looks grumpy and it’s small.”

“Hey! I’m not small.”

“Yes you are,” Peggy called.

It was not yet the end of the party. Each person got a turn at feeding a turtle, so they held and held the lettuce scraps above their heads. Herc was convinced his very harmless turtle was in fact a snapping turtle because he claimed it kept biting him, but John who was, as it turned out, an expert on all the different turtle species, informed him that it was a wood turtle and was probably biting him because he kept moving the food out of its reach.

Back in the staff room, with John having picked up every leaflet there was on caring for reptiles as pets, gifts were exchanged. As each was unwrapped, a stack of presents formed at the other side of the room, including a twelve-sided Rubik’s cube from Angelica, a minion backpack, mug, toothbrush and sticker set from Lafayette (which they had bought ironically because John hated minions), a pair of warm winter socks from Maria (who apologized because she didn’t know John very well so was not sure what kinds of things he was interested in), a virtual reality headset from Herc and Peggy’s present which turned out to be a Pokémon themed Monopoly and a big box of Nerds. Dolley and Theo both had similar ideas, again not being very close with him, the former giving him a fun size pack of M&Ms while the latter gave him a pack of Hershey’s Kisses

Eliza was unsure whether he would like her gift or not as he eagerly tore away the paper patterned with butterflies. He withdrew the book, a book filled with the original concept art for Star Wars.

“Eliza, you didn’t have to get me this. Throwing this party was enough.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“Really, you didn’t have to get me this.”

“Enough fishing, John,” said Angelica. “Alexander, you have to give your present, too.”

Alex had two presents. The first had been put in wrapping paper covered in Christmas trees which was very obviously torn all over the place, even though he had tried to cover it with lots of tape. The second, he had not even bothered to wrap and had just put in a plastic bag. Angelica pointed this out and tutted as she said she would have to teach him.

The one in the plastic bag was a pillow in the shape of the alien emoji which both of them found hilarious and Eliza felt like she was missing out on an inside joke. The second part was a set of watercolor pencils.

Mattie had given him a mini foosball set.

“And of course you’re going out for dinner, tonight. Don’t worry, I won’t wait up,” said Peggy, with a wink.

“Herc will. He’ll want you back by nine.”

“Shut up, you croissant-loving piece of shit,” Herc said. “I got you another present, Laurens, but it hasn’t arrived yet. But I’ll give it to you when it arrives.”

Cake was served all around on paper plates and napkins; Herc announced proudly that he had made it from scratch which was impressive. He had shaped it like R2-D2’s head with every detail included, and twenty candles on top. It tasted just as good as it looked.

Dolley strummed a tune on her guitar and sang along. She told everyone the song was from Spring Awakening and they were all enjoying it until she decided to detail the plot to them, at which point the mood decreased and John began to request songs from Disney movies, instead.

“Not Hercules,” Herc groaned. Maria was perched on his lap, giving him winged eyeliner.

“If you don’t stop moving, I’m going to mess this up and you’ll look really stupid.”

“I already look stupid,” he sulked. “If my parents saw me, they’d disown me.”

“And that, folks, is the problem with toxic masculinity.” John announced, miming with his hand as if he were holding a microphone. “Eliza, you could do a video on it and have him as a special guest.”

“I have an idea,” said Angelica, springing up from the couch. “Dolley, stop that noise. Eliza, wouldn’t now be a good time to show off your skills?”

“My skills?”

“Give us a beat.”

“Angelica—”

“We’re all friends here. Come on.”

So, with everyone gathered around, observing with curiosity, Eliza gave her best attempt at beatboxing.

“Come on, show her some support. Dolley, can I get some oohs?”

Dolley, having been involved in the theater her whole life was able to adjust musically with ease and her singing fit the rhythm perfectly.

“Does the birthday boy want the first go? Eliza, keep that beat going.” Angelica gazed intensely at John until he was forced to look away. He opened his mouth, ready to begin.

“Yo yo yo yo yo…yo yo yo yo.”

“Please stop. I'm pretty sure that's offensive to rappers."

“I don’t think the _wrappers_ can hear.” He gestured to the empty pack of Hershey’s kisses on the ground. “They’re inanimate objects.”

Angelica wrinkled her nose. “Save the puns for when I’m not here. Eliza, don’t stop.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll say something.” He cleared his throat to begin the rap again. “Yo yo yo yo yo--"

"Alright, enough. Laf, your turn?"

Lafayette had an attempt and started talking quickly in French and everyone was impressed until Alex pointed out they were simply making a shopping list.”

A few other attempts were made, by Peggy and Mattie and Eliza did eventually have to stop and take a break. Alex stood up on the couch, as if he was prepared and yelled “down with capitalism,” before sitting back down.

“No one else? Right, looks like it’s my turn.” Angelica launched into a full blown rap, not mispronouncing a single word and not once running out of breath, for what must have been two minutes. Everyone stared, transfixed at her, until she was done. She straightened her glasses and with a smirk, seated herself.

“And Peggy,” Peggy added to the stunned silence.

“What the fuck?” said Herc.

“Language, Hercules.”

“It was from her favorite Nicki Minaj song. She was practising it all through summer vacation,” said Peggy.

“That’s not fair.”

“Yes it is. I never said it had to be freestyle. You just all decided to freestyle it because of your egos then I showed you up.”

Herc and Angelica continued this disagreement on the rules of the “game” while Eliza took the trash to the dumpers outside. As she emptied it from her arms, Alex materialised at her side.

“So this is where you work.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Of course I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it for free. Or I would be because it looks good on job applications and it’s a good thing to do but it’s good being with the animals. I get something out of it, too.”

“It was a really good thing for you to do for him. It made John so happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen him.”

“I like to make people happy. It makes me happy.”

“Eliza, I need to know something. This is going to sound really weird, or awkward but…do you actually like me?”

“Um, yes? Of course I do.”

“No, but I mean, like that.”

“Yes,” she reassured him. “I mean, we’ve only been on one date…” She was not sure she wanted to tell him this. “I liked you in GSA. Thought you were pretty hot and funny. And I told Angelica which gave her the idea but I genuinely didn't know she was going to go so far as to set us up.”

“Right, sorry. I’m just checking. I hope I’m not annoying you like this.”

“You’re not. I can promise you that.”

“Okay.” His hands started fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. “I have a present for you, then. I meant to give it to you, yesterday.” Taking her hands, he drew her in slowly, before she realized what he was doing and moved her head inwards so their lips could touch.

It had been a while since she had kissed someone. It was a Russian boy at a party Angelica took her to for Valentine’s Day 2016. He told her how much he liked her at the end of that night and she had been disbelieving because he had been pretty drunk at the time and sure enough, three days later, it was revealed he was seeing someone else.

As her chin pushed against his, his grip on her hands tightened and he allowed his mouth to part ever so slightly and she tasted the warmth of the tip of his tongue. She let herself sink into him, just breathing, become more aware of her own breathing, and his too, than she would any other way. Her heart soared and her stomach did a double backflip. He was a good kisser.

She pulled away first and his face became more than just that handsome, hazy visage caught between blinks. He was smiling as well, his face red. She noticed some of the glitter she wore as eyeshadow smudged on the bridge of his nose.

“If you’re done with this unnecessary PDA, would you mind coming back to the party?” Angelica’s head stuck out of the back door. “Herc’s makeover is almost done.” She gave Eliza a thumbs up before shifting her attention to Alex by pointing at him and using the same finger to draw a line across her throat. There was a very obvious unspoken message: _Mess with her and you’ll have me to deal with._

Releasing Alex’s hand, the couple strode back up the path to the animal shelter and Eliza sighed at the cold sunshine and the maroon leaves that crackled under her pumps and her companion with his tired eyes and golden words. Eliza may not have been popular. She may not be the bravest or the loudest or the funniest or the most confident. But she had gotten a lucky shot in life. She had promising friendships with this obscure group of people, a job which she felt was fulfilling. People listened to her both on the internet and in real life and respected what she had to say. She had a wonderful family, a mother and father who loved her just as much as their own flesh and blood, three sweet younger sisters and the most fiercely loyal (if overprotective) older sister. And to have that, when she knew there were so many with so much less, to use the opportunities she had to bring joy to other people whenever and wherever she could; that would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and seeing what a precious cinnamon roll Eliza is. Now I'm referencing other musicals and there's what I hope i a subtle one in this chapter so someone please tell if you spot it. Your comments give me life so as usual I'll have the next chapter (Halloween) up next week x


	10. Until This Horror Show Is Passed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas (and Happy Chanukah) everyone. I know this is a day late but since it was Christmas I thought it's probably not that appropriate to post the Halloween chapter. I think I'll change my posting schedule to Monday nights from now on. Now, this has been one of my favourite chapters to write so far and it's one of the funniest. We have some serious drama.  
> 

At 7am on the morning of October 31st, Spooky Scary Skeletons could be heard on a loop, blasting from room 51 at maximum volume. Seconds into this loop, a screech of “ALEXANDER!” could also be heard.

At approximately the same time and about a kilometer away, Angelica, Elizabeth and Margarita Schuyler could be seen passed out on one of the couches in the living room of the Alpha Xi Delta house. All fully dressed, they had been up all night carving pumpkins, one of which lay cut open on Eliza’s lap, half finished.

In his office, Professor George Washington’s fingers hovered over his keyboard as he read and reread the email shining in his face. He was proud and he was prepared; Lee’s behaviour was going to have an end put to it today.

A few blocks down, in a rented apartment, Maria Lewis scrolled through her texts in bed, the taste of her boyfriend’s skin still ripe on her rose lips. She did not realize her boyfriend was awake and reading the messages along with her with shrouded disapproval.

In the basement of the arts building, Hercules Mulligan’s hands moved at whirlwind speed around the sewing machine, pressing on the smooth silk to prevent creasing. Tonight was going to be a wild ride.

And driving like the world was falling apart behind her through the backstreets of Manhattan was Theodosia Bartow, feeling as if a fist were twisting and squeezing her heart. No one was supposed to notice her missing and no one was to notice where she had gone, or she may risk the consequences of her actions catching up with her.

 

* * *

 

 “Remember, essays in for Wednesday. If you still haven’t started and need any help, my office is always open, or you can see James. He’s here for a reason, folks. Class dismissed.”

The sea of freshmen all stood at once and hurried down the aisles; the Halloween spirit catching them. With any final classes having being canceled, most of them would be heading back to their dorms to get into costumes, or even going straight to parties. They were so lively and youthful and it was challenging to remember they were only two years younger than James or even one year younger for those who took a gap year.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” One of the freshmen approached him, yellow hoodie, yellow tennis shoes and a yellow baseball cap with a ponytail sticking out of the hole in the back. She was noticeably chewing gum which was strictly not permitted in classes along with any food but James had no authority to question her, nor did he want to.

“I think I might have to drop this class,” she went on. “I haven’t decided on my major so I’ve just been trying lots of different classes. I really don’t think this is working. I can’t really focus on any of what’s going on.”

“You’ll have to talk to administration about that, or head of Political Science. Don’t you think it’s a bit late in the year to be changing?”

“It’s only two months. And I only started this class a week ago.”

“What?”

“This will be the third class I’ve dropped.” She scuffed the carpet with her sneakers and looked to the hall entrance.  As if on cue, Dolley stumbled in, wearing pumpkin earrings in honor of the celebration.

“Peggy!” she shrilled and her voice reached a pitch high enough to break glass. By now, she had arrived at the foot of the stage, doubling over. It seemed like she had been running for quite a distance.

“Miss Schuyler, can you please tell your friend she can’t come barging into other people’s classes, even if the class is over?” asked Professor Washington, from where he was sorting through a folder, up on stage. With that surname, Schuyler, James wondered if there was any relation to Angelica Schuyler. He seemed to remember Aaron saying Dolley was friends with one of the sisters.

“Sorry,” said Dolley. “Oh, hi, James. Do you take this class?”

Peggy giggled. “He’s the TA.”

“Oh. Sorry, again. I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Yeah.” After he had followed her back on Instagram, she had messaged him but the conversation had only ensued for about an hour before he was unable to think how to answer her and had stopped talking. “Um, this conversation probably isn’t appropriate in front of one of the Professor’s students.”

“Anyway, Peggy, I just had to run over here to tell you I got the call back.”

“What? Fuck yeah, that’s my girl. High five.” The two friends high-fived each other. “You see this girl, I trained her for this. I’m so proud of my daughter.” Peggy took off Dolley’s beret and put it on top of her own hat, so that she could ruffle Dolley’s hair.

“It’s in two weeks’ time exactly. Monday fourteenth at three. Can you make it?”

“Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Got computer science. And it’s probably the only class I actually want to carry on with. As much as I love skipping class, my professor’s a bitch. She would literally roast me alive, flay the skin from my body and if I’m still alive, cut my body into tiny pieces and feed them to my sisters. And I don’t know how to get you and I don’t have a car.”

“I could take her,” James offered, overlooking the largely graphic figurative drawing Peggy had sketched out. “I don’t have any classes and it fits perfectly with my teaching. It’s not inappropriate, because I don’t teach you. And I have a car.” He actually did not own a car, but there was Thomas’ which was good enough, no matter how flashy it was. Thomas had let him use it on a few occasions, provided he did not eat inside or damage it in any way.

Both of them turned to him.

“Forget it. I don’t really know you that well.”

“No, it’s a really nice offer. And it means we will get to know each other well. We should be friends because we’re both already friends with Aaron and we can have group hangouts.” He had not expected her to agree and was shocked she did. “I’ll DM you the info, okay?”

“Yes.”

The doors opened once more at the back of the hall and a swarm of teachers flitted down the stairs. Among them, he identified Professor Franklin of Physics, Professor Ross of Textiles and Mrs Adams who lead all Women Studies classes. At the back of this congregation was a sullen Lee, looking very out of place in his sweatshirt and worn jeans.

“Sir, what’s going on?” James questioned Washington.

“Mr Madison, I’d like to say your letter really convinced Mrs Adams about the Charles Lee case. She was much nicer in her response to me.”

The truth was that James had helped write the letters in response to Washington so it had in fact been him manipulating Mrs Adams’ message. She had asked for his assistance “as one of the school’s top in persuasive writing.” He had ultimately been writing letters back and forth to himself, detailing all the evidence of Lee’s inappropriate behaviour. Being in the same fraternity, James was a useful source of information. When he told Thomas, he called him "the ultimate snake."

“So we would like you to stay for this meeting. As my assistant and as a representative for Beta Theta Phi. Miss Schuyler, could you and your friend please leave? James, you can sit down.” As Dolley and Peggy scurried away, James took a seat next to Professor Franklin who beamed at him. He had been to a few of his lectures, even if he wasn’t studying Physics or any of the scientists. Lee scowled at him and he ducked back out of sight.

“Mr Lee, there is considerable evidence about you.”

“What is this? A courtroom?” Lee folded his arms. Washington seemed taken aback by Lee’s interruption but cleared his throat to carry on.

“On multiple occasions, you have been involved in drug activities around campus. Some of this evidence dates back to your first year and it’s surprising that you weren’t confronted about this earlier.”

“Mr Lee, a decision has been made by the board of governors,” said a woman with a blonde bob in a suit, whom James did not know. “Clearly, some measure needs to be taken, but we feel it would be unfair to outright expel you. So, instead, your title as president of the, uh…Beta Theta Phi fraternity will be taken away from you. And your actions on campus will be supervised.”

“No. You can’t do this. Coach, they can’t do this to me.”

“Charlie, I tried to convince them,” said Coach Revere, another of the guests in the hall. “There’s too much evidence. I fought for you but this is the best deal you’re gonna get.”

“This is all his fault.” Lee waved a threatening finger in James’ direction. “He wants to get himself as president.” James would in fact hate nothing more than to be president and have all that attention directed at him, and knew that the position of president would routinely go to the vice president. The vice president who happened to be Thomas.

“Then it’s his fault!” Lee declared, gesturing to Washington. “He hates me. He’s had something against me since my first day here. He’s been plotting against me. He should be the one you’re getting rid of, not me. What does he even contribute to this school?”

“Mr Lee, I warn you, you are not making this better for yourself,” said Mrs Adams.

“I don’t care! You’re already taking away the thing most important to me here!” He turned ferociously back to James, his nostrils flaring.

“Mr Madison, you can go. I expect this is making you uncomfortable,” said Washington, and James got out of there as quickly as he good. Once outside, however, he felt not fear but excitement at the out of ordinary situation. And he was a first-hand witness to what others would call “the latest drama.” Of course, he would not go around telling people that. It would just be funny hearing all the rumors and how much they contrasted from the real situation. He couldn’t wait to tell Thomas about this.

 

* * *

 

 Theo stood in front of the mirror, reapplying her eyeliner. The timer had already gone off, but she would not turn to face the truth behind her. She needed to be prepared, one hundred percent.

Aaron waited for her, outside. She had told him this morning once she got back from the drug store, and she could tell he was scared, too. He was good at hiding how he felt, and had put on a brave face, offering to be there with her, but she had told him she needed to do this alone.

They had been careful almost all the times. She carried around condoms in her purse with her at all times. She certainly had not thought she was going to be having sex any time soon but it was what her mother had told her to do the day she turned sixteen. This was good of her, and she admired her for it. She had sat down with her and discussed everything she would need to know about the subject of sex, instead of pretending like she would wait until marriage. However, a few days before, she had left her purse at home and Aaron did not have any to hand. They had decided to risk it which she had regretted much later.

Her period had been due three days before. This would not be the first time she had missed one but she had not exactly been sexually active in those other instances and she felt nauseous this time though that might just be her panic.

The five sticks rested on the edge of the bathtub, ready for her eyes. She brushed back her hair, one last time and with a throbbing in her chest, she turned.

Each pregnancy test bore a single line straight through the middle of the screen. This was conclusive enough data for Theo. She was not pregnant.

The weight dropped from her shoulders, she unlocked the door to see Aaron pacing back and forth.

“What is it?”

“All negative.”

He sighed with relief.

“If it had been positive, you know I would have gotten an abortion? It’s what I did last time.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You…you’ve been pregnant before?”

“High school. It was a pretty great graduation gift. I went to the clinic the day after. Jacques wasn’t too happy about it because I only told him afterwards. He said he should have had some say in it.”

“Do you think he should have?”

“I mean, it would have been his kid, too, but in the end, he would have been off training while I would have to carry it and stay at home looking after it. I’d have to drop my college plans, drop any riding competitions. I couldn’t travel like I wanted to. I wasn’t up for that.”

“So if I told you to keep it, what would you do? Hypothetically?”

“I’d tell you to go to hell and go to the clinic on my own.”

“Listen, Theo. I was wondering…I don’t want to be the other man. I want to be your boyfriend. But I can’t, not while Jacques still thinks you two are together.”

This was the first time Aaron had brought this topic of conversation up. He was uncomfortable with the prospect of Jacques, she knew, and she knew he was right. She needed to suck it up and tell him. If she did not, she was just a great lying cheater. She knew what others would think of her and she was fully aware it was wrong, even if she and Jacques had not fitted typical relationship criteria for ages.

“I’ll text him now,” Theo said. She took out her phone and typed in a short text. It conveyed everything that needed to be said in a few lines. She showed it to Aaron.

“How’s that?”

“It will do.”

Her finger hovered over the send button when the phone started to ring. This was not one of her contacts. It was probably just someone trying to sell her something, but she picked up anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is the home office of the US military. Am I speaking to Theodosia Bartow?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know a Jacques Marcus Prevost? He has you listed as one of his contacts.”

“Yes. He’s my…” she looked to Aaron, who was trying to understand what this could be about. “Boyfriend.”

“I’m so sorry, Miss Bartow.”

“What? What is it? Is he…is he injured?”

“Corporal Prevost was declared missing in action on September fourteenth. We would have been in contact sooner, but phone lines were down. His body was found yesterday.”

 

* * *

 

 “J, stop. Stop, you’re gonna smudge my makeup.”  Maria pulled her face away from him so she lay at an awkward angle with a crooked neck in that backseat of his car. She knew very well that her makeup would not smudge, with all the special methods she had used on her face. She would say she had done a pretty good job to transform into a vampire princess; powder from her forehead down to her neck to make her face bloodless, black face paint smudged over her cheeks so they appeared hollow, darker paint used to make realistic veins running with poisoned blood, snaking a train track over her features. The red contacts which matched her red bob wig and the fake blood trickling down her chin did not make her look like one of the vampires from Twilight due to the heavy black eyeliner that loomed around her eyelids as if you were staring into a black hole. The cherry on top of the look was the short black dress, corset and heeled leather boots. If she was going to be a servant of hell, she was going to look sexy doing it.

“Well, I can’t help it. You put a spell on me, babe.” She let him kiss her again, on the neck this time. She knew she would have plenty of marks there in the morning. He moved his hand down inside her bodice and was about go further when she lightly slapped his wrist.

“No, no, I’ve got to go. The others are waiting for me. You sure you don’t want to come?”

“I’ll be fine. I can’t really be at a party with a bunch of kids. What are their names again? Your friends?”

“Um, there are lots of girls from the house. You know Angelica who’s helping me market my lipsticks and Theo and Alex.”

“Alex and Theo? So you’re friends with guys?”

“Theo’s a girl. It’s short for Theodosia. But yeah, Alex is a guy. Short for Alexander. Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Guess I’m just a little uncomfortable.”

“We’re really just friends,” she reassured James.

“Yeah. But does he know that? I know what guys think when they see a girl who looks like you.”

Maria neglected to tell him about that time Alex tried to kiss her. She knew he would have been too withdrawn over John at the start of their friendship to think of her in that way and now had fallen hard and fast for Eliza.

“Well I can’t help how I look, can I? Don’t you want your girl hot?”

“I’m just worried some of them see you only as an object. Not like me. They don’t understand you like me. It’s just sometimes the way you dress might give them the wrong idea.”

She laughed at his joke. “So I cover myself up, don’t show you an inch of skin to add to the mystery? That works for some. Not me.”

“Ignore me. I’m just getting nervous. It’s because I love you so much, Maria. I want you to be mine and only mine.” That had come quickly. They had only met what she estimated to be six weeks ago and had not officially declared themselves boyfriend and girlfriend until a couple of weeks before that night.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back to him. “Now get off. I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She climbed out the passenger door, straightening her wig and skirt.

“Babe, wait.” James had wound down one of the windows. “Don’t drink too much, alright?”

"Right. I'll keep myself under control. And really, don't worry about Alex."

 

* * *

 

 “What are you supposed to be?” Angelica, in her Nefertiti costume with the tall jeweled hat and golden dress pointed to John’s outfit which was just jeans and a t-shirt that he had stuck sponges all over.

“I’m self-absorbed,” he announced, laughing.

“Ha ha. You’re _so_ funny, John,” she said, sarcastically before turning back to Eliza who was dressed as a fairy with spidery blue wings and a puffy blue skirt and her face drenched in glitter. “I’d say this is one of our best years, but we should have done a group costume, like we used to.” Then, she addressed the full group as one. “I’ve got to show you pictures.” She rummaged in her pink purse which was the only unimpressive aspect of her costume, to find her phone and after a few minutes of swiping, displayed to them a picture on her Instagram account.

“I don’t have much data left but this is Halloween twenty thirteen. As you can see, we’re the Powerpuff Girls.” In the picture was Angelica who must have been seventeen with slightly shorter hair than she had now and bangs topped with a big pink bow, beside sixteen-year-old Eliza with her hair in bunches and sixteen-year-old Peggy with a bob cut.

“And twenty twelve, we went as Hermione, Ginny and Luna.” She found another picture of the sisters in Hogwarts robes. Angelica had a red and gold scarf and a book tucked under her arm, Peggy had a ginger wig, a scarf the same as Angelica’s and a broomstick, while Eliza had a blue and grey scarf, a white-blonde wig and those glasses Luna wore in the movies which John could not remember the names of at all.

“This was our first year all together in ages so we should have done something, not that I’m not impressed with everyone’s costumes.” Angelica gestured around at all the students ambling into the expansive hall for the college’s Halloween celebration event. She had put in some good work to fit the theme of the holiday, turning off all the lights in the room so the sources of lighting were the pumpkins she had boasted of carving and some glow-in-the-dark skeletons. To raise money to fund the school, there was a haunted house, typical funfair games like apple bobbing and darts for prizes and you could pay five dollars to take part in the silent disco in one corner. It was known as silent because instead of music playing aloud, you wore headphones that had songs synchronised to play at the same time as another pair of headphones. John had once seen this being used on a TV show he watched, but up until now had been unaware silent discos happened in real life.

“Of course I’m not a Gryffindor. I’m much more of a Ravenclaw. But I’m like Hermione. Well, I aspire to be like her. I always thought she should have been a Ravenclaw, or maybe a Slytherin, but they only put her in Gryffindor for plot convenience. And Eliza’s not a Ravenclaw. She is one hundred percent Hufflepuff. Peggy’s the only one who was in the right house. Total Gryffindor, through and through.”

“What do you think everyone in the friendship group would be, Angelica?” Eliza asked her.

“Right,” said Angelica, hands on her hips. She scrutinised John with her gold-lined eyes. “You’re brave and have strong beliefs. You’re sort of funny, when you’re not making terrible puns, like God forbid, “self-absorbed.” So you could be Gryffindor. But, then you’re artistic so you could be a Ravenclaw. No, you don’t seem like a Ravenclaw. I’d say Hufflepuff, because, for one, you love animals which, according to the official sorting hat quiz, is a Hufflepuff trait, and you’re justice-orientated. It’s why you have your strong beliefs in the first place. Hufflepuff.”

“I’m a Slytherin!” boomed Herc. He had come dressed as a bodyguard and been working on the shimmering black suit for weeks. He was getting into character as well, refusing to remove the dark sunglasses and occasionally putting one finger onto his false earpiece. Everyone surrounding him would copy until the remaining person not doing this would have everyone push them, screaming “Get down, Mr President!” Right now, there was no chance of this happening with him too focused on the candy apple he was biting into.

Angelica continued to sort people, Laf and Maria (who showed up halfway through the discussion) into Gryffindor with Peggy, and Dolley and Mattie into Ravenclaw with Angelica. Herc carried on repeating that he was a Slytherin, which Angelica carried on ignoring, going through everyone else instead. Alex (dressed in a very cheap skeleton suit) insisted he had always wanted to be in Gryffindor, so Angelica deliberately went through every other house, listing the traits he had for them.

“You’re very ambitious, so you could be in Slytherin. You wear a lot of green anyway, and you’re very driven and know what you want in life. But then you’re not at all cunning in any way. You always say what you believe, with no consideration for the consequences, you face things head on.” After having gone through all the houses, except for Gryffindor, Alex was practically vibrating with rage.

“I guess you’re a Gryffindor. Laf calls you petit lion, anyway.”

“Really? Yes, I’m a Gryffindor. Angelica—”

“Gryffindors are fucking obnoxious, anyway. Damn. We don’t have any Slytherins.”

“I’m a Slytherin,” Herc repeated.

“I mean, Theo’s a Slytherin.”

“Hey, Theo isn’t here!” Eliza exclaimed. “Do you think something happened?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know exactly what she’s doing,” said Angelica, with an eye roll. Each of them gazed at her, with all the answers, with curiosity, but she said no more on it.

“I’m a Slytherin. Look, I’m cunning. Who gets all the gossip? Any other house wouldn’t be able to do that!”

“Oh no, Peggy and Laf are making out,” said Eliza, pointing. Sure enough, there they were, in front of one of the indoor heaters. There was such a height difference that Peggy had her legs wrapped around their waist, them now being clad in a long, sky blue dress with a silver wig and a dragon toy on their shoulder. This Daenerys costume was the third they had worn that evening; when the group left the dorm, they had been dressed as a French maid, and then had put on an alligator onesie, before vanishing to the bathrooms to change again. John doubted this was the last costume of the night, too.

“I think they’re drunk. She’s holding a flask.”

“That’s my flask!” Herc shouted, and he ran to retrieve it.

“Well, you all look like a bunch of losers, standing around in a circle when there’s an actual event going on. Have fun. Show some respect. I put this whole thing together.” Angelica took her time to glare at each of them. “Who do you think got the headphones for the silent disco?”

“Actually, I have some friends over there from orchestra,” said Dolley, dressed up as one of the cats from Cats. “I haven’t seen them in a while, so…y’all don’t mind, do you?” She ran off, in the direction of the donut-on-a-string challenge.

“Dolley is the first person whose presence is bearable who I have heard use ‘y’all’ completely unironically. Now, I’m going to be helping out on one of the stalls which _I_ organized and you’re all going to visit some of the stalls which _I_ organized and do the decent thing which is giving money to a good cause instead of standing around here.”

“We should try the haunted house,” Eliza said, incessantly tapping both Alex’s and John’s shoulders at the same time.

“You coming, Mattie?”

Mattie, whose head had been resting on John’s shoulder with her aviator goggles pressing into his skin, looked from him to Peggy. She had separated herself from Lafayette who was now nowhere to be seen and was standing on a table to hold the flask out of Herc’s reach, taking huge gulps from it.

“Uh, I was gonna head off with Peggy. Trick-or-treating.”

“Trick-or-treating?”

“What? It’s fun.” She and John hugged before she went off after Peggy, leaving just the three of them.”

“So, haunted house?”

And with that, Eliza dragging John along with one hand and Alex by the other, they raced towards the line for the haunted house.

 

* * *

 

 “Hey, open the door. We know you’re in there, you have a pumpkin!”

“Yeah, open up.” Both Peggy and Mattie rapped more urgently at the door and eventually Peggy began to kick it. As she drank, she had become wilder and less aware of her strength.

“We want candy! We want candy!” Peggy chanted. Then, when she got no answer, she took out her wrath on the plant pots. “This is ageism! Go suck a dick! Dammit, why didn’t I bring eggs?”

“Come on, we’ll try the next house.”

“Or we could break in.” Peggy rubbed her hands together. “Peggy Carter style. It’s the new superhero duo; Agent Peggy Carter and Amelia Earhart.”

Mattie shrugged. “We’ve made worse decisions drunk. Remember when we went down to Broadway and broke into the under construction theater for the show Dolley wanted to see?”

“We could find a liquor store and steal from it. But not the spirits. Just take like one fucking bottle of Smirnoff Ice and nothing else.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I love Smirnoff Ice and hate drinking straight vodka or tequila. Of course I don’t like anything straight. No offence.” She stroked the top of Mattie’s head.

“It explains why you’re not dead. Someone your size and with how much you drank.”

“Oh no, it was whisky. But I stole some Sprite and mixed it with that. Not about that hard-core life. I’m more of a cocktail girl. It’s in the name. But I think I might be a bit drunk.” Peggy giggled once more. Gaps were emerging in her memory. She had a bag full of candy but she could only remember having visited two houses. “I’m more of a cocktail girl.”

“Yeah, you said.”

“Did I?” She clapped her hands for no reason she could think of. She held out the flask, which Herc had reluctantly allowed her to keep for the rest of the night, and Mattie took it from her, unscrewing the lid and downing what was left.

“I don’t know how, but that was really good. You know what we should do?”

“What?”

“Get all the candy we can on this street and take it somewhere no one will be.”

“The quad fountain. We can go skinny dipping!”

“We’ll be arrested.”

“It will be one for the history books. Or we could head back to the squad’s dorm and surprise your boyfriend, huh?”

“Peggy, you’re gay.”

“But I love seeing my girl happy.”

“Are you implying what I think you’re implying?”

“I have no idea what I’m implying but sure. I’ve got it! We break into the squad’s dorm room. Herc probably has some Smirnoff in his mini fridge and then we go to the library and set up a tent and rewatch Jessica Jones and see how much of this we can eat. It’s still pretty wild.”

Mattie agreed on this and they headed through the next few houses on the street, knocking on the door and asking for preferably treats. Peggy had to put her arm around Mattie to hide to all the house owners that she was not in any way drunk. They were still questioned about their ages, which they lied about and said they were sixteen, still deemed unacceptable by some. Then, Peggy got asked who she was supposed to be, which lead to her calling one person uncultured for not knowing who Peggy Carter was. She doubted she even looked like Peggy Carter anymore with most of her red lipstick smudged off, presumably on other people’s lips and her hair that Maria had set into curls earlier had sprung out of their arrangement. It also did not help that she had transferred the red fedora to Mattie’s head.

“What type of drunk do you think I am?” Peggy asked Mattie as she put another milk dud in her mouth. She was struggling to keep up her heels, staggering all over the place and leaning against walls wherever she could.

“Party animal. Kind of reckless. Very horny.”

“Really?”

“I have seen you make out with three people tonight. I wasn’t even with you the whole time.”

“Three people? So Laf and Lucy and…who was the third?”

“I don’t know. She was dressed as Black Widow I think.”

“Of course. I love redheads. Yeah, I’ve been told I’m a horny drunk. You know my first kiss was at a party? I was one of those clichés who’s always known they’re gay. I told my mom when I was five that I wanted to marry my best friend then cried when she said it wasn’t yet legal.”

“Aw.”

“Yeah, then when I was seven, I got a serious crush on this girl in my grade and I didn’t get it at all. I convinced myself she was a witch and enchanting me to feel like this around her so I avoided her as much as I could. But it wasn’t until I was fourteen that I first kissed a girl, and since then, there’s been more than I can count.”

 Mattie paused for a moment. “Really? Well, how would you like to add another to that list?”

Peggy had just swallowed another milk dud and froze, digesting what Mattie had just said to her. “Is that a proposition?”

“It might be,” said Mattie, taking a step closer to Peggy. Peggy put her hands on Mattie’s shoulders, tossing her loose curls out of the way. They met in the middle.

 

* * *

 

 Alex stormed out of the haunted house, tearing his skeleton mask off. “This is an atrocity!” he shouted as he stomped his way across the hall, Eliza and John trailing at his heels. “How could they call that a haunted house? It was more like the snooze house!”

“Surely, you can think of a better name than that,” said John.

“No, because my brain has been dimmed down by that basic display disguised as horror!”

“Alex, we all saw you scream at the chainsaw murderer,” laughed Eliza.

 “Pfft! No I didn’t.”

“Uh huh.”

As it turned out, Alex had indeed been scared, petrified at every corner within the haunted house and had closed his eyes for a large part of it, hoping no one would see behind the mask. This had led to him tripping over a plastic coffin and losing the other members of his party.

“It was boring and not at all scary and—” Alex folded his arms as he tried to think of how to complete that sentence. “And I’m going to make a complaint!

He dashed round the side of the house and Eliza and John were left with no choice but to run after him.

However, those in charge of distributing tickets for the house had switched around since they had bought their own tickets and there were now two new students sitting behind the desk. One had a sheet draped over their head with the smallest holes cut for eyes so it was impossible to see who was beneath, though Alex could take a wild guest due to their company. To the ghost’s left was Jefferson wearing a black hat with a thin yellow feather sticking from the top and a lacy, blue bib. As he took in people’s money, his face lingered in that broad smile that Alex detested. Given the chance, he would punch it straight off him.

“Hamilton. You sure this isn’t a little mature for you? Maybe the bouncy castle would be more appropriate.”

“Bite me, Jefferson.” Alex was torn with what to do right now. Of course, he did not want to have to give money over to his arch-enemy, nor did he want to have to go through the entire experience of the haunted house again, just to prove a point.

“Even if I wanted to, I’d never be able to reach, even bending down.”

“I’m not short!” Alex yelled, clenching his hands into fists. “And actually, I didn’t come to buy tickets. I came to complain because this is one of the worst haunted houses I have ever been in and honestly they shouldn’t have let you run it because the quality is that bad.”

“I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand American culture.” At this point, Alex was shaking so vigorously that Eliza had to wrap her hand around his forearm to keep him from launching himself at the other boy.

“Who are you,” Alex asserted, “to talk about American culture when you’re so in love with Europe?”

Jefferson cackled. “What I have is appreciation for the wonderful people of Europe as well as pride for my own country. What do you think of my costume? Any idea who I’m meant to be?”

“I get it, you’re a musketeer, you Francophile. And you know something else? Tu es plein de merde.”

It took Jefferson a moment to understand what had just been said to him, then his grin faded and he took a step towards Alex. Alex was ready for the first punch when Herc cut in front of him in the line.

“T Jeff, what is up? Looking good. And who is that under there? Maddy?” he addressed to the person in the ghost costume.

“Yeah,” Madison muttered in a low voice from under the sheet.

“I just came looking for this lot. Got a text from Laurens here saying Ham was all scared, inside.”

Jefferson’s smirk returned and he looked back at Alex. “Is that so?”

“We should go out for a beer sometime soon. Back in the old days, oh we had good times,” Herc continued. “Great to see you, bro. In Winter, I’ll be doing clothes half price if you wanna come along.” With that, Alex was steered away by his Eliza, John and Herc, still seething and glaring at the top of Jefferson’s hair, sticking out above the crowd.

“I swear I’m going to punch that ignorant, bigoted piece of shit in the face one day.”

“I can see why he’d annoy you,” said Eliza, taking his hands in hers, warm and gentle as she squeezed away some of the tension. “But you can’t let him get under your skin. He’s just doing it for a reaction out of you.”

“I don’t even know what you two are talking about,” Herc chuckled. “Tom’s a laugh. And, Eliza, I was wondering, well, when your next video might be up. It’s just, I have a friend, she’s a big fan, she wants to know…”

Alex turned his attention away from Herc’s blatant lying and looked to John instead. “What did you think of him? A total dickhead, right?”

“Alex, haven’t you noticed about him?”

“Noticed what? That he’s ugly as hell?”

“I can’t believe you’re missing what’s right in front of you.”

“What? What am I missing?”

John squinted at Alex, with confusion to how he could not see what he saw. “He looks exactly like Laf.”

“What? No he doesn’t.”

“Yeah, he does. He looks like Laf with their hair down, no glasses and a bit more facial hair. Hmm. I mean, I’m not saying they’re the same person, but have you ever seen them in the same room?”

“That’s ridiculous. Laf would never be like that and…” Alex trailed off. It could be his greatly contrasting feeling for the two separate people, but he did not see the resemblance. Yet, he had never seen them in the same room. “How come you don’t believe in aliens but you believe this?”

“Is that a real French accent?” John wondered. “Do French people even talk like that?” Then, John pointed behind Alex’s back and doubled over, practically crying tears of laugher. “Oh-oh m-my God!”

Alex followed John’s fixed look to see someone approaching them, carving a path as all the other students backed away to get a look. This person was scantily dressed in only a sleeveless crop top and a matching set of mini-briefs, showing everything. The only part of this person’s body that was appropriate for public display that was covered was the head which was encased in that horse mask that Alex had seen a million times on the internet. He did not need to see this person’s face; none of them did because it was very obvious who would come on Halloween dressed like this, as well as from the distinguishable tattoo of a ship on a stormy sea on one arm and the roses on the other.

“I love Laf so much,” whispered John as Herc noticed them and pulled a grumpy face.

“Hello, my friends,” said Lafayette. “I just went to get changed. Do you like my costume, Hercules? Are you _attracted_ to me?”

“Laf, I swear to God, I’m tearing that mask straight off your face.”

“So you can kiss me, mon amour?” They put their hand to the end of the horse’s false snout and blew a kiss.

“Well, this is uncomfortable,” said Eliza. “Aren’t you worried Angelica’s going to throw you out?”

“No need to worry. I told her about the plan before and she thought it was funny.”

“Aren’t you cold, though?”

“You think this is cold?” Herc questioned Eliza. “You should see Halloween in Ireland. Dark by three. Hey, look, Burr showed up.”

From behind the main ticket desk, the top of Burr’s clean shaven head was visible and when Alex stood on his tiptoes, he could see his roommate miserably shuffle in, without costume but still with that unusual umbrella inside which he carried a switchblade for reasons yet undiscovered. Alex had barely talked to Burr since their awkward encounter on Friday evening

Herc flailed his arms around, desperately trying to catch his attention and when he did, beckoned him over. Alex had no idea as to why Burr obliged, but he came over to them. Before any greeting could be uttered, John put his finger to his ear and one at a time, all the others in their group (including Eliza) followed except for Burr, and so all five of them leapt at him and shouted “Get down, Mr. President!” Burr was thrown to the floor.

“What on earth are you idiots doing?” Burr asked as he stood back up, brushing off his coat and furrowing his brow.

“Ooh, dropping I-bombs. Someone’s angry.”

“Shut up. I didn’t come here to be bullied.”

“How’s your girlfriend, Burr?”

“I don’t want to discuss this,” he said, though this time, his expression was less frustration. Even Alex, who was not the best at reading people’s emotions, could see that something was upsetting him. Tears brimmed on his eyelids.

“Why? Is everything okay with you and Theo?”

“Him and Theo! Is Theo your girlfriend? Congrats, man!” Herc thumped him on the shoulder.

“Alexander, you weren’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“Oh, there are so many people I gotta tell about this.” From one of his suit pockets, Herc took his phone and began to text. However, Burr smashed the phone from his hands and he was left gaping at the cracked screen on the floor.

“What the fuck?” said John. “You can’t just go smashing people’s phones."

"Burr, not everyone has a huge inheritance from their rich parents and not everyone can afford to replace their phones, but you wouldn't know that unless you could remove your head out of your ass for one second."

“It was a mistake to come here. I’m leaving.”

“Come on, Burr. Don’t be a killjoy,” John begged, but Burr was already trudging away.

“Okay, okay, I think it still works," Herc said, brushing off his phone. He still looked upset but was calming down. "Theo Bartow, huh?” Herc asked Alex. “How long have you been keeping this from us?”

“Only a couple of days.”

“Still. Theo Bartow. Told you, didn’t I? He _pulls_.”

“Hercules, I am offended. Are you suggesting you are more attracted to Theo than you are to me?” asked Laf.

“I hope he’s alright,” said Eliza, quietly. “Do you know what might be wrong?”

“He doesn’t really share. He’s private,” Alex replied.

“I hope it sorts itself out soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope everyone enjoyed that. And yes, I know (at least I hope) that people are ready to discuss their headcanons for Hogwarts houses for the characters. I couldn't not include it. Also the translation for what Alex says "Tu es plein de merde" is "You are full of shit." I had to go looking for French insults before going for something basic. See everyone next week x


	11. Nobody Needs To Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Happy new year! I'm so glad to have left 2016 behind. Unfortunately the characters are still living through it. Thanks for all your comments from last week. I really love hearing from everyone x

“So do you get it?” Mattie, having finished the detailed summary of vaccination flipped the book shut.

“I’ve told you. I get it when I learn it. It’s just I forget all the details when we’re tested on them. And it’s hard to study when we have a test every week.”

“That’s just college. John, stop drawing.” She pulled his sketchbook away from him and studied the drawing. “Finn from Star Wars?”

“Rey will be in it as well when it’s finished. What do you think?” He grinned at her as he awaited an answer.

“Not your worst.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m joking. It’s good. Like everything you do. Even those fucking turtles or emojis that you keep doodling on _everything_.” She lay back on the picnic blanket. Unimaginably, this November, they had been blessed with enough sunlight for students to sit outside at their own leisure. John had brought along a box of lemon tartlets that were leftovers from what Herc made last night. Mattie fed him one, slowly.

“You can do it. You just need to learn to balance the studying and free time. I mean, partying every weekend isn’t that good for you. But it’s like you say. You know this stuff. It’s good your _girlfriend’s_ a scientist, right?”

“Well, it’s nice to have your support.”

“It’s like when I was in fifth grade and you helped me with the middle school entry tests.”

“It worked, didn’t it? You got into the same school as me.”

“We sat by the turtle pond and you drew pictures of me. No wonder our super heteronormative parents thought we were dating.” For this final part, Mattie lowered her voice. This was not for fear of those people who knew them in South Carolina overhearing and telling their parents because none were around as far as John could see. This was simply a reflex. John had even seen people like Alex or Laf acting like this, going quieter if they mentioned exes of the same gender.

“It’s kind of like that here.” He nodded towards the fountain as he unscrewed a carton of orange juice full of beer. “No turtles though, unfortunately. We should make it a meme. Ways in which Charleston is better than New York and see how long a list we can make.”

“That would be a challenge.” Mattie looked down for a minute, then thought of something. “Talking of challenges, what do you think of Peggy?”

“Peggy? Girl’s a beast. She’s a great laugh.”

“No, not like that. As in…appearance wise?”

John spluttered. “Oh, um. She has a nice face, I guess.”

“You are so gay, right now,” she told him and John shuddered. Once again, it was less to do with people overhearing but more his not being ready yet to say the word himself let alone have others describe him this way.

“Why do you want to know?”

Mattie inhaled sharply. “I kissed her.”

“What?”

“We kissed,” she repeated.

“When did this happen?”

“Halloween.”

“When she was kissing everyone?”

“Yeah. I was a bit drunk and she was very drunk and I asked to kiss her and we did. I wanted to know what it was like.”

“To kiss a girl? What about Luisa Mendez from high school?”

“This time it was different.”

“Why? Do you like Peggy?” John wondered of the girls’ closeness. Had something been going on with them for all these months? Now he thought of it, he could understand them pairing up with each other. He hated to be jealous that she may have found someone to be with.

“No, no,” she denied. “Just because I’m older. I just don’t know what to tell Peggy now she’s not drunk. She teased me about it. She told me I’m,” she cleared her throat and put on a slightly higher voice, “’One of those straight girls who white, biphobic lesbians that watch the L-Word are convinced will go gay for specially them.’”

That gave John a smile.

“I told her our relationship is one of those where they don’t mind if we kiss other people for fun. But straight girls kissing their female friends when drunk is such a stereotype.”

“It does lead to a lot of biphobia towards girls.”

“What about you? Do you have anything going on with anyone? We said if we were going to be in a fake relationship, it would be an open one, so you have to tell me if you’ve done anything with anyone.”

“No. There’s no one.” But as John let Mattie feed him another tartlet, all he saw was Alex’s face swimming in the dark corners of his eyelids, leaning towards him. No one.

 

* * *

 

“I take it you’re not pregnant, then?” Angelica had been waiting the past few days for the perfect opportunity to confront Theo about this. There was no real perfect opportunity, not for something like this, but this was the best she was going to get.

Twenty minutes before, Angelica heard Sybil Ludington and May Cochran leave their room on one side. Molly Pitcher and Grace Martin, with their room a little further down the corridor, were out somewhere and Maria, who was across the hall from them, was currently downstairs. This meant, unless someone was eavesdropping, there was no chance of them being overheard.

Angelica closed the Tom Paine article on her laptop and looked to Theo. Her friend’s face was ashen, and her eyes bloodshot. At first, Angelica thought Theo’s sleepless nights might have been down to the pregnancy messing with her body, but now she knew she was not pregnant, she did not know what the issue was.

“What?” Theo asked. “How…of course you figured it out. How?”

“Well, there were plenty of clues. You kept smiling at your phone. I saw you with flowers at one point, but none of these are signs. But I’m aware of your period schedule. How long have we been roommates? We share a bathroom and I can see when you buy your pads. Don’t act grossed out. I know damn well they’re not mine. You were late. We were having that talk with the other girls about what cravings our moms had when they were pregnant with us and you acted all startled, didn’t say a word. That’s when I knew you thought you were pregnant. And it couldn’t have been Jacques unless he came back in the past month and you didn’t tell me but judging from the fact you turned his photo down on your bedside table, I know it wasn’t. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, could you? But it turns out you really were late and it was nothing else. Could be from you eating less.”

Theo had nodded acceptance all through this analysis. “I should have known you’d find out. I need to be better at covering my tracks.” She did not laugh, though. She simply looked at the wall, so Angelica could not read her facial expression. “Do you know who?”

“Do I know who you were cheating on your boyfriend with? Yes. Did Burr manage to win you over with one of his pickup lines? Herc mentioned weeks ago about him being on a date with some girl, he didn’t know who. He didn’t see. But how awkward you were talking to each other at John’s party, all like ‘Oh, you must be Aaron’ when no one even mentioned he would be there. I asked Herc as soon as I can if he knew if you and Burr have a thing and he was very bad at keeping it secret. Theo, I know you were unhappy, I know it’s been forever and distance makes the heart go yonder or whatever but I don’t approve of cheating. At all.”

“He’s dead.”

“What?” Burr wasn’t dead. Angelica saw him that morning in the library, picking up a book on showjumping. Another giveaway.

“Jacques. He’s…” She burst into tears.

“Oh my God.” Realization dawned on Angelica. “Theo…” She got up, went over to Theo who shook with the blankets pulled up to her chest.

“It was-it was on Halloween. I w-was going t-to b-b-break up with him.” Her voice cracked. “Aaron w-wanted me to but I-I wanted to wait until he came back. And then they c-called me and said they f-found him.”

“Theo. Theo, I…” She clutched Theo, her soft braids mingling with Angelica’s loose curls, cradling her head in her lap.

“The funeral is in two days, they’re saying, and they want me there. And I don’t know if I can. Parents aren’t meant to approve of who their kids are going out with because they never think they’re good enough, but they told me Jacques and I were a perfect match. Traveling the world, going off to Columbia, and they said it was amazing how much I loved him and now, I’m going to go there and they – his parents – they’ll be crying and telling me how sorry they are that I lost someone I love when he was dying and I was sleeping with someone else. I won’t be able to look them in the eye. I’m disgusting.”

Angelica rocked her back and forwards, stroking her hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” She was not exactly the right person for this. Out of her sisters, she was the scary, bossy one. Eliza was the nice one who you could turn to with your problems. But as Eliza could be scary and bossy when she needed to be, Angelica could show empathy. She could do that for her best friend.

"Please don't tell any of the others about this. I can't face them judging me or acting all sorry for me."

“I won't. That's your job. You know, you don’t have to go.”

“No, I do. I’ll feel even worse if I don’t.”

 “You can’t do this alone. Have you talked to anyone else?”

“I told Aaron because he was with me when I got the call. He was trying to be supportive, but I got rid of him. I broke it off. It feels unfair on him and unfair on everyone and he’s just going to be this constant reminder of what I did. I can’t be with him, just like Jacques was some obstacle now out of the way.”

“Do you love him?”

“I told you, no. I haven’t in ages.”

“No, I mean Burr. Do you love him?”

“What? I can’t. It’s…it’s too early. And with Jacques—”

“He must be a special guy. You were so faithful and never tempted before even though you knew your relationship would end.”

“Look, he’s the first guy I’ve clicked with properly since…well, since Jacques. Look, I can’t talk about this. Not while…” The tears returned.

“I’ll come with you,” Angelica offered, suddenly. “To the funeral. If you want. Do you?”

“Thank you.” She dabbed at her eyes with knuckles now covered with smudged mascara. “Please do, I’d really like that.”

 

* * *

 

Dolley pressed her face against the window of Thomas’ Audi, the same purple on the outside as everything else he owned. Her breath steamed up the glass with her nose then leaving a mark in the middle of the patch. After waiting for a good ten minutes in traffic, they had skirted by the theater where Chicago was showing. Her reaction to all the different Broadway shows had only escalated over the journey; at Aladdin, she began to enthusiastically tap the middle seat. At Matilda, her tapping transferred to James’ wrist. She had this little smile she could not inhibit which she held onto despite them being stopped at red lights at every turn because she had seen the theaters for Kinky Boots, The Color Purple and Waitress.

Maybe coming by car was not the best idea, James thought. They had been in this car over an hour for a journey that should have taken twenty minutes. James had no idea just how much people loved musical theater and how crowded it would be. They had left enough time. It was just another few corners, another five minutes, Thomas said from the front seat. Instead of letting James just borrow the car, he wanted to come along, he had not been to the theater district in ages. If they really did get there in five minutes, they would still have another hour before her audition.

This whole time, Thomas had been playing his French music. James knew the songs by heart because he had endured this in every car journey and Thomas singing them in the shower. He had quite a nice voice. However, knowing all these French sung words, he did not know the English words that corresponded. In high school, he chose to study classical languages; Greek and Latin. None of what he heard made any sense to him, up until now, when Dolley had pulled out her ukulele and played the English version of La Vie En Rose. She had a very nice voice, even singing so mildly.

They reached a building, unique from every other glamorous theater, Broadway-themed restaurant and upper class apartments. He expected it had once been a theater and would be again but right now, it was plain brick walls and boarded up windows with a single brown door.

“This is it,” said Thomas. “You kids have fun now. I’ll meet you back outside in a few hours.”

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” Dolley muttered. “I’m never gonna get it. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She took a bite of a chocolate croissant, pastry flakes falling into her hair and on her neck. Thomas had bought them from what he said was one of his favorite bakeries, but forbidden them from eating in the car. He loved his car.

“You’ve been to auditions before? And they all went fine?”

“No. I didn’t get a single role. I haven’t been in a single musical since I was twelve and I played young Cosette in Les Mis for about six months. I auditioned for Matilda the musical but I was too old and too tall. I would have been fifteen when it started. And now I’m too young for a role. Once you get past thirteen, you won’t get cast in musicals for another ten years. It’s just a fact. Because they don’t cast teenagers as teenagers. Oh God, I can’t do this.”

“It means you have years ahead of you for a career. I’ve heard your singing and you’re good.”

“Not good enough. Sure I got all the solos in choir. I got the lead in musicals every year other than sixth grade. But there are so many people in musical theater who are a thousand times better than me.”

“That’s not true. You’re as good a singer as…” James searched his brain for the name of a single musical theater performer. “Idina Menzel,” he finally said.

“Oh. Thank you. That’s really, really nice of you to say, even if it isn’t true.” She put her arms around James’ neck, an easy enough task with her being his height and he was glad he had been able to think of someone. He stood there, stiffly with his flat hands against his thighs, not sure if he should reciprocate. “By the way, I’m sorry about your brother. I saw on Facebook last night. I was praying for him.”

“Um, thanks.”

“You didn’t say what happened to him, exactly. Is it anything that’s seriously damaging?”

“No. I mean, it’s serious, but he’ll get better. I had something similar when I was his age. I was in hospital for weeks and missed loads of work. I had some problems with my stomach and there was some bad internal bleeding and they had to do some kind of operation. They don’t really know what he has, but they can probably fix it like they did with me.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“The only problem is he’s gone into a coma.”

“What? That’s horrible! Did that happen to you, too?”

“Not exactly. I slipped in and out of consciousness but never for too long.” Dolley looked on the verge of tears. “Don’t think about it. You have your audition. Talk to me about something else.”

“You’re gay, aren’t you?”

James was shocked now at how quickly the subject had changed.

“I saw on your Facebook. I’m not a stalker or anything. You just had a flag in your pictures and I wanted you to know that I know and that I’m not hanging out with you because I think we’ll end up dating. And I want you to know I won’t judge you and it doesn’t change my opinion of you at all because I’m a Quaker and also I’m ace and panromantic so I understand.”

“Yeah,” he replied, slowly.

“Oh, was that weird? That must have sounded weird. I’ve been told I’m kind of oblivious most of the time.”

“It’s alright. Just not what I expected you to talk about. I just was surprised you’d found that.”

“Are you worried other people will see it? Like your family?”

“Oh, no. My family already knows.”

“Do they not accept you?”

“Not exactly, but not for that reason. I think they expected me to be attracted to boys.”

“What were you really gay as a child?”

“I don’t know what that means, but no. No they were very heteronormative. And that was why they thought I’d be attracted to boys.”

Dolley still failed to understand. “Wait, what?”

James sighed. He knew he was not being very clear, but having to tell her outright was still inconvenient. “It’s just that my parents saw their _daughter_ and expected _him_ to be attracted to boys.”

Dolley analyzed the sentence in her head then picked up the meaning. “Oh, right. I don’t have any problem with that either. One of my friends is a trans girl and another is genderfluid. Oh God, now I sound like one of the people on the internet who say offensive things and then say, ‘it’s fine, I have a friend who’s that.’ It can’t be nice though, if your family don’t accept you.”

“Trust me, they’re getting better. It was just a shock for them.” Shock was an understatement. As he had said, his family assumed he would be attracted to boys growing up, and he had talked about boys all the time with his mom as soon as he started middle school. Her and her side of the family had conflated gender and sexuality, not seeing why you would want to ‘change gender’ only to be attracted to the same gender. Those grandparents did not speak to him, and his mother was less than accepting at the time, though she had softened. You could still tell she was uncomfortable, with his dad being almost entirely comfortable. Both of them called him by his name, used the correct pronouns when they remembered, and treated him almost the same as they had before, which made their family gatherings not only bearable but sometimes enjoyable.

“I don’t really go round telling everyone. It’s not that I’m ashamed, because I’m not. I just don’t really like people noticing me, and as much as I hate to admit it, they would if more people knew. They’d want to come and see me like I was some zoo animal. Very few people know, including teachers.”

“If someone asked, would you tell them?”

“Yes. There’s no point in lying. And I suppose I’m not completely comfortable in my own skin, but I want to be, some day. Don’t tell people, please. Don’t tell Aaron or um…any of your close friends.”

“What about Thomas? Does he know?”

“Yes. He does.”

“Okay. Do you have a boyfriend then?”

James had no idea what happened to the topic of conversation as they transferred from the cold outdoors to the waiting room, kept warm by a sole radiator at the other side. There were about twenty others who had been there longer than Dolley, yet it did not seem like long before she was called through.

“Good luck,” James said and Dolley covered her mouth.

“In theater, it’s bad luck to say that. Like that Scottish tragedy by Shakespeare. You’re not meant to say the title. We say, break a leg.”

“Oh, your friend can come, too,” said the assistant who had been called to bring them through. This was why James found himself watching from the wings of a barren stage, as Dolley shuffled her feet from side to side, in front of some kind of panel which he could not see, but could hear. There were ropes and ladders and a camera back here but he thought it would be best if he stayed as far away from them as possible, so as to not knock anything over.

“Can you confirm your name and date of birth for us, please?” asked a man with a nasal voice.

“I’m Dolley Payne. I was born on May twentieth nineteen ninety eight.”

“Excellent, Dolley. Now, I’d like to ask some questions and get to know you. Are there any notable roles you’ve played before?”

“Well, my only professional role was as young Cosette in Les Mis when I was twelve. I think we’re saving the money from that to pay off my college debts.” She chuckled, nervously, but those at the panel found this amusing and laughed loudly. “But I was in lots of school musicals. In fifth grade, we did Grease and I was Sandy. I got to wear a wig and everything so that was probably my favorite.”

“And have you taken lessons?”

“Yes, since I was six, I took singing lessons. And I did up to grade six in musical theater and all the way to grade eight in singing.”

“What stage of education are you currently at?”

“Um, I’m a freshman. At Columbia and I’m majoring in performing arts.”

“Any hobbies you’d like to mention?”

“I like to paint, sometimes. And I play the guitar, ukulele, piano and French horn. I’m terrible at writing my own songs, though.”

“Do you have a favorite musical?”

“Oh, that’s really hard. I love so many musicals. Currently, I’m listening to Spring Awakening a lot because I got into it quite late. I’ve always loved Les Mis, but I think my personal favorite will always be Chicago.”

“What song will you be singing for us today, Dolley?”

“It’s Mama Who Bore Me from Spring Awakening.”

“Do you need any accompaniment?”

“No, it’s fine. I have my own.” She took her ukulele from in her bag, the chocolate croissants box falling onto the floor, but she did not notice. James could see from this far away that she was shivering. As someone who had performed on a proper Broadway stage for months, it was strange to think even she was scared. She began to strum, a gentle tune, which was difficult on an instrument as lively as the ukulele.

The words did not really make sense to him, likely because he did not know anything about the musical it was from. There was a lot of religious imagery, a rather sad tone, but her voice sounded different to how it had in the car. It sounded higher, younger, maybe correlating with the character she was playing in this song, and louder of course. He had little appreciation for music, but was well aware she was good, not just in singing voice but in the way she held herself, in how she was open to the audience while still seeming as if she could not see them. After she had performed just one verse, she put down the ukulele again and sang without music. This was for a reason; as she sang the next group of lyrics, she signed the words with her hands.

With pleading eyes, she sang the final line: “ _No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem_.” The judges as James had chosen to call them did not applaud and he still could not see them to know if they were impressed. He thought they ought to be.

“Thank you, Dolley. It’s been very nice to meet you and good luck on your school work.”

Dolley stayed silent, out of the back of the theater where James finally got to see the four judges who had by now moved onto the next callback. She clutched her ukulele by the head until her olive knuckles turned white like snow capped mountain peaks in the Alps. Back into the street where Thomas had returned and found himself a good parking space.

“Why were you using sign language?” he asked her as she made for the car door.

“It was like the Broadway revival. This year, they have two actors in most of the roles; one to sing and speak and the other to do actions and sign what they’re saying. It makes theater interactive for hard of hearing audiences. I went to see it and it was beautiful. I’ve been going to ASL classes so I thought I’d give learning the song a try.”

“That’s interesting. It must be a very progressive show.”

“I mean, I guess? The whole thing is about how we need sex education. But that’s not even the most progressive thing in musical theater. There’s so many racially diverse casts and color blind casting. There’s Allegiance and the Color Purple and it's all so much more progressive than Hollywood.” She huffed. “It doesn’t matter. They didn’t like me.”

“I think it was good,” he said. “If that helps at all.”

"It does. Thank you. I still don't expect to get it though."

"It's a tough business. You'll find a role perfect for you, someday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Not much to say here so I'll post the next chapter next week x


	12. Fan This Spark Into A Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone and wow I hit a hundred kudos! Thank you everyone so much! It really makes me happy seeing people enjoying my writing and I love you all. This week is kind of a filler chapter because I wanted a chance to develop the relationships more so we've got some cute hamliza and just the girls hanging out having fun which I had lots of fun writing. So everyone enjoy x

The first person Eliza saw was Maria. It was hard not to see her, red against the brown university backdrop. Likewise, Eliza must have stood out in her blue coat as the other girl noticed her at the exact same time and they ran towards each other and hugged.

“Hey. How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Great. Got to see my family. Nice break from school. Yours?”

“We went to see the parade which was great.”

“It’s the best girlfriend in the world!” Alex showed up at Maria’s side with his hair tied back in a ponytail and wearing a black hoodie she had never seen before. He and Eliza shared a quick kiss and turned back to Maria.

“What’d you do for Thanksgiving, Alex?”

“Maria, no. Don’t get him started.”

“I refuse to celebrate a racist festival that romanticizes the pilgrims. The pilgrims were murderers who slaughtered thousands of Native Americans, took over their homeland and then called them savages. And hundreds of years later, all these white leaders in charge have the nerve to talk about immigrants stealing their land.”

“You do have a point there, Alex. But come on, we get days off school. And Black Friday.”

“Did you buy anything?”

“No, I’m too broke for that.” Eliza did not think to ask Maria about what happened to the money she made from her lipstick. “I was just giving an example.”

“I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving either.” Dolley had now appeared from behind them with Peggy and Angelica. “For obvious reasons.” She gestured to her face. “But theater tickets were cheap so we went to On Your Feet on Thursday and the Great Comet of 1812 on Friday.”

“Bonjour.” Laf came up to them, arms linked with Herc’s. “How was everyone’s Thanksgiving?”

“Oh my God, we are not going over this every time a new person turns up!” said an exasperated Angelica. “We’ll wait for John, Mattie and Theo and then recount our _fantastic tales_ from the weekend.”

Sure enough, within another ten minutes, Mattie and John showed up, holding hands, which Angelica told them she was disgusted by. Finally, up the steps trudged Theo.

“So, Thanksgiving, everyone?”

Alex retold his opinion on Thanksgiving and Dolley began to review the musicals she saw. Lafayette had no one to go to during the short vacation so had stayed on campus on their own. Herc’s family were Irish and didn’t celebrate so just went to a theme park. John began to describe his time back in South Carolina.

“Typical family managing to bring up Isis and the gays,” he laughed in a hushed voice. “Would’ve slit my throat with the turkey knife if I could reach it.”

As everyone was hugging, Angelica put her hands on her hips. “Honestly, if you can’t cope without each other for four fucking days, what’s gonna happen over summer vacation?” From behind, she then received a surprise hug from Herc.

“After that, we’ll never see horsefucker again.”

“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, Angelica,” said Maria. “Who knows if we’ll even be alive in the summer. The way things are going, there might be a nuclear apocalypse.”

“God, I hope so,” said John.

The others soon headed off in all their separate directions, again. Peggy, Mattie and Dolley were headed back to Peggy and Mattie’s dorm and John, Laf and Herc to theirs. Angelica, Theo and Maria would be walking back to their sorority, which just left Alex and Eliza on the steps, with neither having a roommate here to return to their dorms with. Eliza sat on Alex’s lap and snuggled up to him. In the distance, the sky was darkening, forming a gradual gradient of dark blues, oranges and pinks. Some Christmas lights had been strung up on the trees and switched on. She remembered the first day of the year, when this quad had been filled with stalls at the activities fair. She had learnt to carry her camera in her purse with her wherever she went and took two pictures; one of the college grounds in front of them and one of her and Alex.

She kissed his forehead and he her hand, both aware of how other people viewed public displays of affection.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

She prepared herself. It was only a small thing to ask, but her shyness still had the better of her. They had been dating a month, and she already knew this relationship was something with the letters Alex slid under her door every night, or otherwise text messages. When she told Angelica, whom she had not expected much from, she had responded with “Boy, he really does love writing. It’s a bit narcissistic.” Alex and Eliza could talk for hours, on their dates in the park or to museums or hanging out as a friendship group, but never ever had they been properly alone together in the same space with nobody around.

“Do you want to come back to my room?” she whispered.

He seemed a surprised, for he blushed. She had made Alexander Hamilton blush. “I would love to,” was all he could say.

“Then follow me.” She took his hand and led him in the direction of the dorms.

 

* * *

 

Peggy sparked the match behind the back of the dorm building. Telling everyone they were going back to their dorms had not exactly been a lie, because they were close enough to them. She lit the sparkler so it looked as if small fireworks were bursting on the end of the stick.

“Eliza would love this. She would think it’s all aesthetic.”

“Yeah, she would,” agreed Dolley.

“Dolley, you can’t make fun of my sister. Only I can do that.”

“What even happened with you and Eliza, Dolley?” asked Mattie. “Like we all know you dated but you hang out together and you get on so well. You’d think it would be more awkward.”

“If this was a movie and Eliza was a dude, you’d be the crazy ex-girlfriend pretending to be on good terms with her only to fuck up her entire life. And if you were the dude, you’d be a stalker determined to win her back and you’d end up together in the end.”

“Why am I the creepy one in both scenarios?”

Peggy thought. “I arrived here with Eliza, so to me it looked like you were the ex, showing up out of nowhere, not her. You know, Mattie, their story isn’t that deep.”

“Yeah. We met at a music competition and we got to know each other backstage, but we broke up after three months on good terms. We realized we just weren’t right for each other. And I’ve dated lots of people since her. Well, three. I didn’t have the best experience with one of them, because he got really uncomfortable about the asexual thing.”

“Ew." She flung down the sparkler, which had gone out, into the grass. "Okay, so we haven’t really talked about my pranking idea seeing as _some people_ have been making things all about themselves. But now that person has auditioned for their musical—”

“But Peggy, you said we had to put everything aside for Dolley’s audition.”

“I know that, Mattie. I’m just pretending to be angry, when we all love helping Dolley follow her dreams. Right, now I’ve written down some ideas for pranks.” She opened her notes on her phone. “Number one: we dress up as clowns.”

“That is _not_ a good idea.”

“Yeah, I’m with Dolley. This year’s been weird enough.”

“Okay, moving on. Idea number two: we buy air horns and put them under every chair and behind every door.”

“That’s actually a good one. But we don’t have that much money.”

“My family has that covered. I bet when they gave me that fancy credit card, they didn’t expect me to spend it on things you can get from the dollar store.”

“I watched one on TV once,” Dolley offered. “You take jelly or cream donuts and suck the fillings out and replace it with ketchup and mustard.”

“We could put people’s stuff in jello like in the office.”

“Toffee apples that are actually raw onions!”

“Red food coloring in the tap water.”

“Look, these are all good ideas,” said Peggy to her two friends. “But I said big. We can do all of these over the year. Stink bombs, gross donuts, it ain’t enough of an impact. I did have the idea of leaving dolls out in the halls, everywhere. Angelica used to collect dolls when she was younger and Eliza and I used to steal them and rip their legs off and cover them in ketchup to make crime scenes. But she still has them.”

“We’d have widespread panic if we left a few tampons around campus. Clean ones.”

“I like that. Thanks, Mattie.” She brought the other girls into a group hug. With their assistance, she was not short of ideas at all. She smiled at Mattie, remembering how she asked her to kiss her. She would be working her way around their friendship group. Once she kissed Dolley at a party, which had led to endless jokes about how she had second hand kissed her own sister as Dolley used to kiss Eliza. She felt proud of herself that a straight girl had asked her to kiss her, when she was usually so useless at attracting girls other than when they were drunker than she was. Strangely, she was pretty good at flirting with boys, considering her lack of interest in them. She had thought a little about why Mattie might want to; if she was experimenting or thought it was a fun and quirky thing to kiss your female friends, but never dwelt on it long. It was what she always said: straight people were confusing.

“We’ll work on more ideas, later. Carry on with the brainstorming, ladies. And I’ll buy some tampons and donuts.”

 

* * *

 

“I’d forgotten how much I love this movie,” said Eliza as Legally Blonde came to a happy end.

“It was a better choice than Insidious. Or Dark Skies or Hush.”

“Don’t forget the Woman in Black. None of them are actually scary, you know.”

“They don’t scare me.” Alex shook his head while Eliza flicked through her recommended Netflix videos. The first movie they had watched was Dark Skies but Alex had begged her to change it after half an hour.

“Right.”

“You just don’t know when the jump scares are going to come so it can be a bit distracting from the kissing.”

“Believe me; you do know when the jump scares are coming.” She picked up Alex’s hand as she explained. “There’s a pattern to horror movies. Every horror movie ever has the same overall plot. There’s a white couple, sometimes with kids. If they have kids, there’s a bored teenaged girl and a creepy younger one and possibly an irrelevant middle one. They always have a dog and the dog is either the first to die or the only survivor.”

“They’re monsters if they’d kill the dog.”

“I know. So the mom has had a miscarriage so they move to a new neighborhood for a new start. And weird things start happening in the house and the mom realizes and tries to convince the dad but he won’t believe her and calls her crazy. They don’t move out of the house, no matter how weird things get until they get so unbelievably weird that the dad finally listens to his wife and they call in a professional. Usually they make it out alive. Jump scares come when someone opens a closet and when they close it, someone will be standing there. You can tell from the music when it’s about to happen. I know so much about this I could write a dissertation on it. They’re stupid but I love them.”

“Well, I’m still not scared.”

“I can’t believe you make fun of Herc for his fragile masculinity when you’re like this.”

“It’s not about fragile masculinity, Eliza! I’m just telling you the truth which is they don’t scare me, but even if they did, which they don’t, it would be embarrassing to be scared of the movies when you’re not.”

“Do I detect sexism there? You can’t take being more scared of something than a girl?”

“No, no!” he shouted. “I didn’t like it in the haunted house when John wasn’t scared. Not that I was scared either, because the haunted house wasn’t scary—”

His sentence was interrupted by Eliza hitting him in the face with a pillow. “Calm down.”

Alex leaned back into Eliza, laying down in the bed beside her and buried his face at the base of her neck. In the heat of their make out session, she had taken off her sweater and shirt and he his hoodie. Under the layers, she wore a simple powder blue bra with a darker bow in the middle. She still had on her E necklace and her hair in a braid though strands had come loose. His eyes and his fingers moved down her ribcage and came across something he had never seen before: just below the bottom of her bra on the left side was the tiniest ink butterfly.

Eliza caught him staring as he quickly took her hand, again. “Most people don’t expect me to have a tattoo. I know what people think when they meet me. I’m the innocent sister. They think I’m this perfect, virginal figure who can do no wrong and doesn’t have fun. They’re surprised when they find out I like horror movies and theme parks and not parties because there are too many people I don’t know to talk to. So yes, I can be hipster trash and still a bad girl. Well, not really a bad girl but what I’m saying was people don’t fit into boxes.” She finished and crossed her arms.

“That was very…Hamiltonian of you.”

“And you, Alexander, are able to make fun of yourself. Most people wouldn’t expect that from you. You see?”

“But everyone sees me in this way where I’m too angry and opinionated and can’t take a joke and it’s really unfair because that’s what they say about me every time I try to point out that something someone says is offensive. And they use that to bully me.”

“That’s not true. I’ve never seen John or Lafayette or Herc do that to you. I don’t and Angelica doesn’t and Peggy doesn’t though admittedly she does make fun of you a lot. You need to learn to forgive people and not be so angry with them if they do one thing wrong, but there’s nothing wrong with having opinions. I have opinions. You’ve seen my videos.”

When Alex started dating Eliza, he had asked Herc if he could show him her videos. Herc had seemed vaguely jealous but relented, “just for the chance to watch them again,” and the more he learnt about her, the more he loved her. She critiqued modern media sometimes, and even if he had never watched the show or read the book, he found himself nodding along to every word. Peggy always put a fun spin on the end of her social justice videos, and there were her lifestyle videos where she talked about her favorite books and foods and how to make face masks.

“No, but it’s not the friendship group. It’s in high school. And there's a difference between opinions and beliefs that harm a person's existence! An opinion is 'I like pineapple on pizza' which would be a very bad opinion, while 'I hate Muslims' is not an opinion because it harms people.”

“Okay, true. People in high school are still immature.”

“And in class with Jefferson.”

“What did I tell you? I told you not to let Jefferson get into your head. It’s not good if he’s making you feel bad about yourself. You know, it’s only adding to my point, but I don’t think people would think you, having no filter, would have low self-esteem.”

“I feel like I can talk to you about it. Eliza, there's something about you that makes me feel comfortable, like I can talk about my issues with you. In high school, I had this therapist, and I hated having to see her because she made me feel like a child but I had to anyway, but she told me I suffer symptoms of anxiety, which she said was natural of course because of…the hurricane and everything. It makes me worried people don’t actually like me, that I’ll ruin them if I do and she gave me some methods that could help me. I still write down how I’m feeling sometimes, so she helped a little bit. Hey!” he grabbed her hand, excitedly, an idea occurring to him. “You should become a therapist. People would love you!”

“Thanks for that, Alex. But you know what I want to do with my life. Theo wants to be a psychologist so I’ll give her some of my tips.”

“I know I’ve asked this before, and I’m sorry for the conversation getting so deep. I know you’ve already said you like me, but I just need to know…why?”

Eliza looked at him quizzically, and he felt stupid. “What?”

“Well, why do you like me? Other than looks, what is there to like about me?”

“Vain much. I find you sweet because when you talk about something you care about, you get so excited and it’s cute. You do everything making consideration for me which sounds like low standards. It’s difficult to explain, but we have a dynamic where we can feel comfortable around each other and not keep secrets, but we’re not entirely co-dependent. We talk so much but we also make time for our friends. And, if I must say so, looks are a factor. Is that good enough?”

“Yeah.”

“How’s the story going?”

Feeling better, he began to speak again. “Over the weekend I wrote another chapter and edited it and I was actually really proud because I felt there was really good characterization, and it’s got more of Rebecca. She’s becoming one of my favorite characters.”

“I like her, too.” Rebecca was another lead character in the story, a woman disguised as a man to fight in the war, who would fall in love with a nurse at a war camp. Alex’s idea for the end was for Rebecca to marry one man and the nurse, Hester, to marry the other, so as to allow both relationships to continue in secret.

The story had originally started as being Josiah and Robert’s story, but it had become practically equal between the two couples, even if Rebecca’s true gender had not been revealed until a third of the way through the book. Eliza had helped him to make them more prominent, offering advice on how to make them fully fleshed out characters from a woman’s perspective, so they seemed authentic.

“John drew a picture of her for me. Can I show you? It’s really, really good!” He flicked through the images on his phone until he came across an ink drawing of a woman in a continental army uniform, Her hair was short and she had on what appeared to be a glare.

“It’s perfect,” Eliza said. “What I pictured her looking like.”

He caught himself just gazing at her and he was washed down by a tumultuous wave of affection for her, his girlfriend. He must have looked like a cartoon of a person with hearts for eyes. He wanted so badly for things to be good between them, because he liked her what should have been too much for a couple that had only been together a month. He found himself paraphrasing her in his head; “how lucky he was.” How had he gotten so lucky?

"It's funny that out of all the tattoos you could have got to make people think you've got a rebellious streak, you chose a butterfly."

Eliza hit him with the pillow again. "Oh, shut up."

“You know,” Alex said, putting away his phone. “We still have the rest of the day. We could finish watching Dark Skies.”

“Really?”

“Well, I’m sure there are lots of mild scenes appropriate for kissing.”

 

* * *

 

Maria tiptoed in through the front door, creeping past the sitting room when Angelica appeared from around the stairs, hands on hips. Eliza, Peggy, Mattie and Dolley were behind her, Eliza with a camera poised at the ready.

“Been staying over at James’? Get it, girl.”

“I disapprove of this guy. You’re too good for him and he’s probably gonna try and destroy you,” said Peggy.

“Come on, Peggy, you’ve never even met him,” Eliza argued.

“Yes, but as a certified man hater, I am always right about this. What’d I tell you about the blonde Russian guy who _seduced_ you?”

“Okay, first of all, he did not seduce me.”

“The only person you’ve dated I approve of is Dolley. Hamilton’s alright I guess, even if he has stupid hair.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Angelica cut in with a steely voice. “You and he are moving pretty fast. Sure we don’t need to get you a restraining order? Only semi-effective.”

Maria laughed. “It’s fine. We’re fine. He’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Passionate. Romantic. It’s adorable. Just not something I’m used to. It’s unexpected, but I kind of like it.” He bought her flowers every time. Red roses, bought from a local florist a few blocks from his apartment. She had half moved in already, though not officially. She brought her things over when she went to visit him and could not be bothered to bring it home again.

“I may not have met him, but I’ve seen pictures and that’s one hot piece of ass,” said Peggy again. “If I played for that team then I’d be on that. Fortunately, the thing I look for the most in guys is their girlfriends.”

“Are we going to carry on talking about men or are we gonna get to work? Peggy, Mattie, bring the bags.”

In the sitting room, they pulled out a plastic sheet that would normally have been used as a tablecloth.  Peggy and Mattie had a bunch of shopping bags from the local mall which they emptied the contents of onto this sheet while Eliza began to film.

Maria inspected what had been bought. It was mainly lipsticks, both liquid and regular. They had a wide range of colors, too, as well as some eyeshadow palettes.

“I know zero about makeup,” Peggy explained. “So I hope this is good enough.”

“Yeah. It’s perfect. And we have a good range of skin tones to test them out on here.”

“I know my videos have been a bit of a mess lately, but all of you seem to enjoy my videos with my sisters where we just do fun activities together the most. So, today, I want you all to meet some people,” Eliza said, guiding the camera onto Maria. Maria saluted. “This is Maria and it’s spelt M-A-R-I-A but pronounced like Mariah Carey. You know Angelica and Peggy, and this is Mattie and Dolley. Today, we are going to do three things. Firstly, as you can see, Mattie has very lovely blue hair. But, as realistic as it looks, it’s not her natural hair color.”

“I don’t even know what my natural hair color is. I first dyed it when I was thirteen and haven’t looked back.”

“Maria is taking classes on makeup and hair, so she will be dying Mattie’s hair for us. What color are you thinking of, Mattie?”

“Um.” She pretended to stroke a beard as she puzzled hard over this. It was a big decision, as bleaching her hair too often would damage it so it would be a while before she could change the color again unless she went for a lighter color.

“You don’t even have a beard, Mattie,” Peggy pointed out. “Except for Laurens.”

“Peggy!” shouted Angelica, while Maria and Eliza almost collapsed with laughter.

“John doesn’t have a beard,” said Dolley, confused. Everyone stared at her, unable to believe she had not understood the joke.

“Cut,” Eliza called and switched off the record button. “Peggy, we can’t make jokes the audience won’t get. They don’t know who John is.”

“It was funny.”

“I know. Right, let’s go from where we were.” She pressed record again.

“So, Mattie what color do you want to dye your hair?”

“What will make children think it’s made of candy and that I’m actually a princess?”

“Hmm. What if you went multi-colored? Sort of neon colors, yellow and green and orange?”

“All of them?”

“I could blend them together.”

“We’re also going to be experimenting with lipsticks,” Eliza continued. “We’ll see what brands have the best colors most available for different skin tones, most long lasting and most animal friendly. Maria is starting her own lipstick brand and has already put out a few tubes online but she wants to get them professionally made. And finally, we’ll be discussing feminist topics that you left in the comments section last time.”

Maria draped a towel over Mattie’s shoulders, sitting her down on a carpet of cling film to make no mess. She had mixed up the bleach powder in a huge plastic tub as they would need a lot of it, more than one layer to get her hair completely blonde. The girls took brushes and began to completely paste the mixture all over her head. It smelt horrible and most of the others were putting far too much on the top layer of hair and neglecting the layers underneath, which Maria had to do herself. When it was all done, they stuffed as much of her hair into a plastic bag with a set of gloves so as not to stain their skin. It would not do much harm to get bleach on their hands unless they had wounds but somehow Peggy’s hands were covered in cuts so she decided they all need not risk it.

With Mattie sitting and waiting, Maria checked what had been brought.

“First, I have to ask what lip products you each use,” she addressed her friends.

“I don’t really like lipstick,” said Eliza. “It always gets on my teeth and smudges everywhere so I usually use lip gloss. I don’t really go after certain brands. I just buy whatever smells nice. And I like pale pink or caramel. So the one I have on right now, it smells of bubblegum.”

“Angelica?”

“I usually go to MAC. And I look better with nude lipsticks. Not that they’re called nude lipsticks for me. They’re called like chocolate or something.”

“I don’t wear any products,” said Peggy. “God gave me naturally smooth and bright lips and I love it.”

“Okay, viewers may think I’m just wearing red lipstick because it goes with my dress and my awesome hat.” Maria tipped the brim of her black, circular hat, a perfect contrast to the scarlet. “But basically all of what I wear is red and black, the occasional orange or dark pink. So, naturally, all my lipsticks are red, too. Most people would say I have too many red lipsticks which are all the same color. But, they are all actually very different when I put them on. And I really can’t stand liquid. They’re a lot easier to apply for most people but personally I find them kind of gross on me. You do you, though. I’m a bit of a vintage girl. Like Angelica, I started with MAC. It’s very high quality and affordable prices. Then, you’ve got Kat Von D. Love it. All matte, very useful. Less affordable; it’s about five dollars more than MAC on average so not too bad unless you want to buy a lot of them. They tend to come in very bright standing out shades so there’s lots of blues and purples and fewer natural. What I will say is the little secret that these girls are sex-proof. No smudging at all. As someone hoping to start an independent brand, I tend to buy from less well known brands to support them as well.” She started listing a few of these designers, but realized she could not fit in every single one of her favorites, no matter how many she had. "If you look the brands up, you'll see many are designed specially for women of color which helps solve your problem, Angelica. I'm always looking for new recommendations so leave them in the comments. Eliza, am I allowed to tell viewers that?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

They tested out some of the colors on their forearms. Eliza, with Peggy holding the camera for her, said her favorite was the Lip Crème by Jouer. It came in twenty five different shades, but all looked good, being metallic and partially transparent. Mattie, still in her chair, liked the holographic lip glosses that were inconsistent in tone but Mattie said made her lips look “just like a galaxy.”

Peggy, unable to stand the video being so calm, took a lipstick color she felt suited each person (all of which were outrageous costume colors). She smeared yellow over Maria, gold on Dolley, dark green on Eliza, turquoise on Angelica and a metallic black on herself.

“Beautiful,” she said as they posed for pictures and Maria wiped yellow lipstick off her chin. The other girl had not even let her wipe off her lipstick from that morning so now it was blending together to form a rough orange.

“Um, guys? Shouldn’t we be washing the bleach out, now?” Mattie asked, sitting up.

“Crap,” said Maria, and went to help her rinse it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and loves the ladies as much as me! A reminder that I love everyone's likes and comments and will 100% love the comments so really don't worry if you think they sound weird. Until next week x


	13. A Winter's Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone. I'm incredibly unimaginative with chapter titles but this will have to do. Also exciting news...I GOT TICKETS FOR HAMILTON LONDON!!! It's nearly a year away but it was really close to opening and it's on my birthday so I'm satisfied. Now I hope everyone enjoys the chapter x

“Stop putting all the posters on that pole. They’re meant to be all over campus, remember?” Angelica watched as Peggy stapled a fourth poster to the wooden telegraph pole, refusing to turn around. The posters were for the Take Back the Night march she was organizing for the last week of the semester.

“You said we had to put them all up. I’m getting it done quickly, so we can get back inside. I’m freezing my tits off out here.”

“Yes, and you said you wanted to help me spread awareness.”

“No one’s gonna show up if the weather’s like this.” Peggy looked up into the gray sky. “Couldn’t you have done it in spring instead? Not fucking December.”

“It shows dedication.”

“Yeah, not many people are gonna be dedicated enough. I’d stay at home if I had any choice. Eliza probably would, too. You let her off putting up posters because you prefer her to me.”

“That’s not true. I love both of you, even if Eliza is easier to deal with and has some maturity.”

Peggy put her hands on her hips. “I am offended. I am the most mature person out there.”

“Anyway, Eliza’s with Maria. They’re brainstorming ideas for her Christmas special video.”

“Bitch, please. You know she’s doing some cheesy trash thing with Hamilton where she puts up fairy lights and tries out some Pinterest recipes and he fingers her.”

“Not so much detail, please.”

“You’re the number one hamliza shipper and we all know it.”

“Well, I did get them together. Still a bit suspicious of him. Is that what you’re calling them?”

“What if I told you I was dating someone? Would you let me off, too?”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Sure. Mattie.”

“Ha, nice try. She’s with John.” Angelica knew this was not in the least true. John was one hundred percent gay, most likely Mattie, too.  She had always just assumed he was, like the rest of his friendship group, when she only knew him as an acquaintance, through Herc. This had only been confirmed by the appearance of Mattie with her plaid shirts and dungarees and dyed hair. Many outside the community would call this stereotyping but she knew well enough. Plus, their relationship lacked any dynamic, other than one entirely platonic. As someone who so rarely got crushes, she had grown up watching everyone around her falling in love or pretending to be in love. As an observer, she had gotten good at spotting the difference.

It had only taken one Google search to find out why might be pretending. Henry Laurens was John’s dad, a conservative governor in South Carolina. She imagined how different her own life would have been if she had lived there instead of with her fairly liberal family in New York. She did not understand how Peggy was so blind about this. Though it had never been confirmed whether her suspicions were correct, she would not share them with anyone else. She was not a blabbermouth like Herc and she did not want to think of the trouble John could get into if the wrong person found out.

“Schuyler, what are you doing?” Jefferson and James stormed up behind her.

“What are _you_ doing?”

He chuckled, unscathed by her response. “Handing out flyers for our winter fundraiser.”

“Oh, yes, because someone thought it was a good idea to put you in charge of an entire frat house.”

“Well, it was a fair vote.”

“After Lee got kicked out.”

“We don’t need to argue about details. I’m the president, just like you. And your march is at the same time as the winter fundraiser.”

“Good for you. I’m trying to do something important. Raising awareness for sexual abuse.”

“Yeah. Well, we’re raising _money_ for charity. Pretty sure that’s going to help out more than a bunch of girls shouting in the middle of the night. It seems a bit unsophisticated for you.”

“You wanna talk about sophistication, Thomas? You vape behind the bike sheds and got an infection because you tattooed your own leg.”

“No need to go into mistakes of the past.”

“It was the summer! You were walking around with that cane for months after it healed. And you still vape behind the bike sheds.”

He raised a hand, waving off anything she had just said. “Okay, darlin’. Don’t get angry over nothing. I got no problem with your march.”

“You _have_ no problem with my march,” she said, remaining eloquent, even with his patronizing language. Meanwhile, Peggy rummaged in her bag.

“Yeah, yeah. All I’m saying is don’t act surprised when you get a small turn out. I know people. They’d rather be inside, eating mince pies, than outside in the cold.”

“I already have three sororities guaranteed to come. _You_ don’t have to, but you’d be surprised how strongly other people care about this.” She took a step towards James who was clutching Jefferson’s arm, shivering. “James, you’re welcome to come along. It’s not just for girls, no matter what your _friend_ may say to you.”

He looked between his two friends, back and forth. “I-I’ll try and come for a bit to both.”

“Hey, dickhead!” said Peggy, finally getting whatever she had been looking for out of her bag. It was squeezed tightly in the palm of her hand so none of them knew just what she would do. “Tell your sexist comments to this!” It was funny Peggy was defending Angelica about this when she had been making the same argument about how no one would come to the march just minutes before. It had been the “darlin’” that had really got her fired up though.

Peggy flung a thin white tube at Jefferson which struck him right on the nose and fell to the pavement next to one of his shiny shoes. He looked at it for just a moment before understanding what it was and with a squeal, turned on his heels and ran out of sight. James gave one final nod to Angelica and ran after him.

She watched her sister retrieve the tampon from the ground. “Dammit, it’s all covered in mud. I won’t be able to use this one. You gonna thank me? I sacrificed that for you. At least I got to test out my experiment.”

Angelica looked into Peggy’s open backpack, stuffed to the brim with unwrapped sanitary products.

“Peggy, why are you carrying around so many tampons and pads?”

“You’ll see.” She stood on her tiptoes and stretched out her arm so she could ruffle Angelica’s hair.

“What are you planning?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said in a sing song voice. “You have other worries. Hey, have you noticed we’ve become a Jefferson hate group?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t like him. Mattie and Maria and Laurens and Laf don’t like him. Even kind, loving Eliza doesn’t like him.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a surprise. I’ve seen Eliza get angry before, lots of times. Not as much as you or I, not full blown shouting angry, but she can be.”

“You and Hamilton are like the leaders of the club. His number one haters. It’s just you roast him when you talk to him while Hamilton starts shouting. Of course, Dolley is a loser because she likes him because he drove her to her audition.”

“Hercules likes him as well. I’ve tried to persuade him, but he insists he’s a good person. How did Dolley’s audition go, by the way?”

“I don’t know. She said it was terrible, but she’s a drama queen. She hasn’t heard anything yet.” She stared at the pile of paper in her hand. “Let’s go somewhere else for these posters. I know all the popular spots where everyone will see them.”

“Really? I thought you were all cold and wanted to go back inside.”

“Changed my mind. You can count on me being there. I’ll bring Mattie and Dolley, too. And I’m sure we can convince Alex out of spite for Jefferson.”

Both sisters burst out laughing.

 

* * *

 

Everyone rose on their tiptoes, pushing each other out of the way as John knelt down.

“Come on, Laurens!” barked Herc, causing Alex next to him to block his ears. On the couch, Maria and Eliza with their arms around each other were leading a chant of “John, John, John!” He had no idea what this would have looked like without context, him sporting a Shrek mask and staring at a water bottle.

“John, John, John!” the girls cheered.

Sucking in a breath, he pinched the lid between his index finger and thumb and spun. The bottle landed on its side.

“Move out the way!” Herc set down the whiskey bottle and wobbled past Alex. When he was drinking, his hearing was always the first thing to go. Other than that, he could remain quite in control, if overly confident. It was enough to monitor everyone else’s night to make sure no one got seriously hurt.

“Gimme Shrek, Laurens!” He tore the mask from John’s face with such ferocity that the string broke. That was another problem: he was completely unaware of his strength. “Right! Watch me flip this bottle!” The bottle soared all the way over his head and Maria had to dodge so it did not hit her.

“I’m going to try!” Alex announced and the bottle was transferred between the two of them.

“It’s okay, John. I love you,” said a now standing Eliza, and without warning, she pulled him in close to her and planted kisses all over his face. This was what had become of her date. She had been planning on taking Alex out somewhere, but it was too cold for any of that. Her second option had been to go back to Alex’s room and for them to watch some movies, but the heating had not been working. It was lucky it was not the whole building. They had tried to go back to Eliza’s room but her roommate was in there, she said. It was a sequence of events that brought them to here, tipsy in John’s dorm room, and for some reason Maria had shown up, as well.

It had become a December 1st celebration. For the last month, Alex had complained at every Christmas light he saw, every Christmas tree, anything at all related to Christmas. His status on every app he used was ‘It’s not Christmas. It’s November.’ As the months turned around, his statuses had changed to ‘IT’S CHRISTMAS’ and he sported a Santa hat wherever he went. Over Thanksgiving break, Lafayette had put a small, plastic tree in their room. They wanted to prepare for what they called their favorite holiday as early as possible, at which point Herc pointed out that they were Jewish.

Eliza was the best out of the gathering of people, the one with the best reaction to the drinks. Alex had spent his time complaining, somehow having gone through a range of topics from how much he hated the concept of coming out to how much he hated pineapple on pizza. Lafayette was acting remarkably calm compared to how they would usually get up and dance on tables. On this instance, they only sat on the floor, intermittently participating in the conversation without saying anything of any use. Maria had not had anything to drink, saying something about how she wasn’t a fan of whiskey and was not in the mood for it. Eliza’s presence was refreshing, showering people with affection. She had burst into tears when she told Maria how amazing and beautiful she was.

“I love you,” she whispered into his ear. “You’re perfect.”

“HAS EVERYONE SEEN BURR’S SNAPCHAT STORY?” Herc was now standing on the couch, next to Maria. John had been unaware Burr had Snapchat until he had been shown the first snap in the series a week ago. It had been a picture of the end of a bed in the dark, with the filter that gave the time, reading ‘1:09’. ‘Can’t sleep again,’ it said. Following that, there had been him walking in the park late at night, multiple comments on how he was all on his own and him waking up before 4am every morning.

Tonight, it was a picture of a frostbitten bench with the filter giving the temperature over the top. ‘28°F’ and the caption ‘It’s very cold.’

“I THINK HE NEEDS HELP!” said Herc. “DO YOU THINK THEO DUMPED HIM? CAN I TELL PEOPLE NOW?”

“Seems like he’s guilt tripping. Unhealthy,” commented John, as the bottle was handed back to him. Alex had taken about ten attempts, even though the rule was three chances before you had to pass on to someone else. What did John know of healthy relationships, the boy crushing on his best friend while pretending to be dating his other best friend? Thinking about it when he was still telling himself it was not a crush, made him flinch, just as he was lifting up the bottle. Somehow, that flinch was just the thing needed to get the bottle to land upright, and everyone applauded him, except for Alex, who was now complaining to Eliza.

“The bottle was all scrunched up and it’s a thinner plastic than in most bottles, so it’s uneven and it’s impossible to flip it.”

Eliza looked around to Maria for assistance and Maria poured her out a shot which she handed over.

“Aleeeex, we’re having fun. You’re being boring. Drink more.” Eliza pried open his mouth and poured the shot down until he swallowed. She hugged him. “We should all dance. It will be fun!”

This was the thing. In movies, when someone was pining after someone who was not single, they detested the partner. These movies were tailored to make the audience able to hate the partner, too. Movies made everything look so easy. In the end, the one pining and the person they had been pining after would end up together, the old partner would be thrown out of their lives. John would not have wanted to hate anyone Alex was with, even if they had been awful to deal with. Still, it would have been impossible to with Eliza, the most likeable person in his life. He could fantasize all he wanted about Alex’s eyes and kissing Alex and more, but it would not be like a movie. Alex would not drop Eliza for John. Like with Burr and Theo, he needed to move on and find someone else.

Though, he would work up the courage to come out to Alex sometime soon. They had been friends long enough. He felt like he owed that to him. It had been hard with every other person he told; with Herc and Lafayette, it had taken drinks and minutes of raw tears.

“You, too. You drink more.” She poured a shot out and gave it to Laf. This brought up their enthusiasm and soon they had taken their top off and were trying to engage with everyone in French.

“What are they saying?” John asked Eliza as he slow danced with her.

“I speak a bit of French. Hang on,” she giggled, and piloted him across the carpet to them. “Something about being beautiful. I think they’re saying ‘I am beautiful.’” She hugged them around the shoulders and lifted them from the ground. “Yes, you are beautiful. Dance with us, as well. Maria, as well!”

They danced around in a circle, holding hands and spinning and separating again, the dizzying lights flashing in his corneas.

“We should play a drinking game!” called Eliza over the music which Herc was singing along to. Herc appeared to be singing Born This Way by Lady Gaga even though it was in fact Bruno Mars playing.

“I know. We listen to an Iggy Azalea album and every time we don’t understand what she’s saying, we take a shot.”

“YOU WOULD DIE!” shouted Herc. Even with the music blaring, his words were clear.

“That’s the aim,” said John.

“No, no, no,” said Eliza, waving a finger in his face. “You should not want to die. That’s…that’s bad and we would all be upset.”

“Let me follow my dreams, Eliza."

“No! You shouldn’t want to die because both of you are angels and our lives would not be the same without you. I want to hug you.” She took one of them in each of her arms. “You’re perfect to me. You shouldn’t want to die. I love you.” She kissed Maria all over her head again, leaving glitter imprints wherever her lips went. John could not see that well but he thought he saw tears rolling down Eliza’s cheeks. “I don’t want you to die,” she whispered, once more. “I love all of you."

 

* * *

 

Hiking had become a source of sustenance for Aaron. He had not always enjoyed the outdoors. Even when he did go out, his preference was for the city life. He came from New Jersey; not as alive as New York but there was warmth, something secure. Nowadays, what he needed was to be away from it all.

There were no enormous open spaces, but there were parks.  He came to Riverside Park and walked past the tennis courts and children’s playgrounds when it was late or very early, and he was one of a cluster of weirdos who jogged or walked their dogs at those times. Now he was one of the weirdos, too. Why did everything fall apart for him?

He went to his usual bench, but someone was sitting there this time. “James?”

“Aaron?” They did nothing, just watch each other in silence, before James tapped the seat next to him. “Sit.”

The tennis courts in front of them were illuminated in moonlight. It seemed impossible you would even be able to see the moon on such a cloudy night.

“Are you…having trouble sleeping?” Aaron asked him.

“Yeah,” he answered in a soft voice.

“Same.” He knew James would be content to not talk about it, but everything about this stillness was disturbing and unsatisfying. Two people going through their personal issues and it was possible they were the two most socially awkward students on campus. “I know the feeling.”

“Do you, um, want to talk about it?”

“It might be nice.”

“You’ve been going on a lot of long walks. I saw on your Snapchat story.”

“I need time to clear my head. The cold helps and it helps to be alone.”

“You can be alone in your dorm or in a classroom. You want people to feel sorry for you.”

“No—”

“Yes you do.”

“Fine. Yes, I do. But people should feel sorry for me. Nothing ever goes right for me. I work so hard as hard as I can while having to deal with an impossible roommate who keeps bringing round his nosy friends and shouting at me. We take Polisci and law together and teachers love him in both. I have no friends.”

“You have friends.”

“Do I? You never even talk to me anymore. Even Dolley ditched me for you. Everyone bullies me and I can’t even go on a successful date. No one even wants to go out with me.”

“I uh…” He looked around himself, trying to find an escape route.

“Go on. Leave.”

“No, I wasn’t trying to leave. I just don’t know what to do…to help. Is there a person you want to feel sorry for you? Someone who you had a crush on and they turned you down?”

Aaron crossed his arms. “I don’t have to answer that.”

“I’m just trying to help. You wanted me to?” Though his tone sounded completely clueless as to what to do, there was a cunning glint in his eye, as if he was squeezing the truth out of Aaron and it was working.

“So, say there was someone I liked and we almost dated. I liked this person a lot and wanted to be with them but then something bad happened, to them. And they broke it off.”

“This person is the person you want to feel sympathy for you, so they’ll take you back?”

“Yes. I don’t know.”

“I don’t think you should. That’s a um, bad thing to do. If something bad happened to this person, this will only make them feel worse, and that’s not good. That doesn’t show you love-or care about the person. It shows you care more about yourself and your own happiness. Is this…a girl?”

“Yes!”

“I was just checking,” he said, defensively. “You’re a feminist, right?”

“Yeah, I am. I mean, not a really strong one. I don’t like to take sides in things like this. I’m for equality, though.”

Some doubt swept over James’ face at his explanation, but he continued. “I just don’t think it’s feminist to emotionally blackmail a girl into dating you. You should give her space. Leave her to get through her um, problems?” Aaron was almost sure now that James was deliberately slipping the doubt into his voice, when he knew exactly that his advice was right.

“I suppose. I’ll back off a bit. But what if it takes forever for her to get through the problems?”

“Then you would have to carry on. You’re not the only one who’s ever liked someone who you don’t know whether they like you back or not. That’s me…that’s everyone.”

Aaron wondered who the people James was talking about could be. Did he know them?

“Why did you ask? About the ‘is it a girl’ thing?”

James hung his head with a bit of guilt. “Well, we never really were sure of, you know, your sexuality.”

“We?”

“Thomas and me.”

“Of course.”

“What?” The shorter boy looked at him, inquisitively. His eyes were narrowed as if hurt and trying to stop himself crying.

“Look, I try to get on with everyone. It’s good for getting ahead in this place, instead of having everyone hate you. I failed that step on the first day. But I just wonder why you hang out with him, sometimes. He seems really confident and always finds something to make fun of about me. He just isn’t nice to me.”

“He’s nice to me,” James muttered. “And he’s my friend.”

“Why be friends with someone who treats other people you supposedly like badly?”

“He doesn’t mean it,” he replied. “He’s joking.”

Aaron shook his head. He would argue more, but he realized there was one thing as of yet unsolved. “Why are you here?”

“Well…I just needed a walk.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I needed a walk,” he repeated, “to prepare myself. You know my brother’s sick. And well, I got a text from my dad. He only texts me updates. Then I call him when I need to. But last time I heard, he’d gone into a coma. I don’t think it will be better.”

“If I were you, I’d read it now.”

James glared. “I’m not you.”

“Fine. I’ll leave you alone. I’m going back now.”

“Wait.” Aaron turned around to find James with a tight grip on his arm. “Could you read it for me?”

“Alright,” he said uncertainly. But James had helped him, at least advising him with what he could do to get a step closer to Theo. At the break up, there had been tears, a lot of tears, and he had not yet recovered. He took the phone, looking down at the text conversation, and James ducked down inside his oversized turtleneck.

“Okay, let’s see. Oh, okay. Your dad says he woke up around lunch. They needed to see him and check if he was properly awake. He’s feeling sick and…looking forward to seeing you over Christmas break. That’s good?”

“Yes. I-I’m relieved. Thanks. This has been, uh, weird. I’d better get back. They were having a small party over at the frat and it’s probably over now. I’ll see you in Polisci?”

“Yes.” The two young men parted ways. A light rain began to fall and Aaron opened up his umbrella. His fingers smoothed over his switchblade, tied into its position at the ready if he were to be mugged. He remembered how devastated he had been when Alexander lost it. He had thought he would never have it back, when it could be anywhere on a huge campus. He remembered how ecstatic he had been to have it returned, more than he should have been, because of the woman who brought it for him. He could not count on ever being with her. He knew she must have felt something for him; otherwise she never would have let him in. That was unlike her. He was going to spend the following days doing work in his dorm, like he normally would, and forget sympathy.

There was one thing he could not shake, however: if Thomas was such a good friend of James’, where was he in his friend’s time of need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed that. Not my favourite chapter to write but this probably had to happen. Until next week x


	14. May You Always Be Satisfied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I don't have much to say this week other than I hope you all enjoy x

The three of them curled up in the pile of blankets, entangled with each other. Eliza had fetched her two duvets and the far too many pillows she had on her bed and encouraged John to do the same before they came to Alex’s dorm. They used Alex’s desk chair and stole Burr’s to sustain the blanket which was stretched over the top of the bed. Together, they made flashcards. Alex noted down all the information he could, Eliza would try to condense that information and John would add a cute doodle to help remember the information.

Darkness had fallen long ago so along with Alex’s night light, Eliza had brought along a string of fairy lights, like crystallized bubbles that burned magenta and violet.

Finals approached and studying had hit a high for everyone they knew, but for Alex, it was the worst. He had major finals for three subjects, all of which required heaps of work. Currently, he was memorizing Shakespearian quotes for his essay task the next day. At the same time, John had his biology exams coming up, which he needed A's in, he insisted. That just left Eliza with social work. She said the test was straightforward enough but that did not stop her reading through her notes at whirlwind speed and demanding the two boys test her.

“What do you think of this?” Alex waved one of his flashcards in front of John’s face.

“There’s a lot on there. What does it say?”

“I am insulted!” Alex said, dramatically, and held a hand to his heart. “My handwriting can’t be that bad!”

“I mean, it’s a bit messy, but you know, dyslexia. Makes it hard to read it when you’re moving it around like that.”

“What? John, you’re dyslexic?”

“Yeah. I thought I told you.”

“No. But I’m so sorry, I’ve been making you read my story, and I didn’t know!”

“I can read, you know. It just takes more focus. It’s easier when it’s something you’re interested in. It used to take me hours to get through one page of a law textbook. No offence to law students.”

“Well, there are two in here,” said Eliza, for Burr sat cross-legged on his bed with headphones in and studying for law. He could not hear them, or at least it seemed he could not for he had not turned around at the mention of law students.

Alex flipped through his textbook, scouring out any additional notes he had never noticed before. He had pretty much learnt this book cover to cover, even the chapters on texts his literature class had yet to study. It was better to be prepared, after all. And he was prepared, for any question with complicated wording that may arise on Henry V.

Eliza and John were distracting. At any other time he would have loved their presence and it was good to have them ask him questions for Polisci the day after English, but they kept talking amongst each other. Eliza was curling his hair around her small fingers.

“Have you ever asked Maria to do your hair for you? You should. She gave me really cute braids.”

“Can you two be quiet?” Alex growled. Eliza frowned.

“Don’t be grouchy.”

“This is important. I need to study.”

“Come on, bro, even Burr isn’t giving us a hard time. We’re studying, we’re just enjoying it. Can we go to the cafeteria yet?”

“In a minute.”

“You said that half an hour ago. Please?” John begged.

“I need to work.”

“Then we can order pizza. And some cookie dough and hot wedges and we can share a four cheese pizza so Eliza can eat it, too.”

“ _In a minute_.” Figuring he had not done enough yet for Polisci, he switched textbooks and pulled out his green highlighter.

Someone rattled the door handle from out of the corridor and Eliza rushed to get it. In swept Angelica in her pink puffy coat and an expansive handbag. It looked big enough to carry  a number of small mammals.

“Oh, you’re still all studying. That’s why _no one_ showed up to GSA.”

“Well, you have to cut people some slack, Angelica,” said Eliza. “It’s finals.”

“Peggy didn’t come either, but I doubt she’s studying. Her and her sidekicks are probably up to some end of year mischief.” She tapped Burr on his shoulder and he looked up at her, removing his headphones. “Sorry so many people are invading your room.”

“No problem,” he replied, to all of their astonishment. Usually, he would be muttering, fussing about people intruding on his space, but all evening, he had been wearing a stiff smile – stiff because it had been used to little – but otherwise genuine. Something had changed in him recently.

“I might go to the cafeteria now. I’ll see you all soon.” And he left, his face frozen in that mask.

“Well, that was weird.” She spotted the letter Burr wrote to Alex months ago concerning the loss of his umbrella which Alex had since framed and put up on the wall. "What's this?"

"Burr wrote it."

Angelica read it aloud and laughed.

"Which century does he think it is?" John asked. "Who ends letters with 'your obedient servant?'"

"Apparently Aaron Burr." The older girl lowered herself below the blanket and perched herself on the edge of the mattress. “Alexander, you better have taken a break since the last time we spoke.”

“He didn’t,” Eliza answered for him. “I was in the library with him all night long. I fell asleep at eleven and woke up at like five and he had six empty coffee cups in front of him. It was like a ghost was bringing them.”

“Well, that explains where Peggy got all her money from this morning.”

“What do you mean?”

“She said someone was paying her to make beverage deliveries. Alexander.” She grabbed him roughly by the shoulder. “Take. A. Break.”

“I am taking breaks. I took one a few hours ago to go to the bathroom.”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Not to be a Hercules, but have you eaten anything today?”

“Um…no?”

“Right, well you are not living off coffee and no sleep for finals. You can’t just cram everything. You’ll start to see things or else you’ll fall asleep halfway through. Now come with me.” Before he even had an option, she yanked him in her direction so hard that he had to extend his legs for landing on the floor, otherwise he would have crumpled on impact.

“Angelica,” he whined. He turned his head to John and Eliza, pouting and opening his eyes wide as if they would step in. Eliza just laughed and waved him goodbye as he was dragged into the hall.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked him, jabbing one long finger at his chest.

“I don’t know. I’m just never happy with how much work I’ve done. Even if I’ve been studying for months, I’m never satisfied.”

“This better not be a flirtation. Some joke about how you need _me_ to satisfy you. I’ll remind you my sister, your girlfriend, is right through that door.”

“No, no, no. I just can’t do anything else because I know all I’ll be thinking about is how I’m not studying. I don’t know everything yet.”

“Symbolism of Gatsby in the Great Gatsby?”

“He represents the corruption of the American Dream and shows the ideal view of the man who rises up from nothing to wealth but at the same time is shown to be a person who can only revolve around money and thinks everything is about money.”

“You’re fine. Now, we're putting some food in you.” She pulled him further and his bare feet had to scrabble at the ground at twice the speed she was making to keep up with her long legs.

“The Great Gatsby isn’t even a text we’re studying! It’s high school level!”

“I don’t care.” Like that, he was transported all the way across the quad and to the cafeteria. Angelica was remarkably strong for someone so thin. Maybe her superpower was strength instead of teleportation as he had previously thought. Maybe she had both. She justified her ability to be able to practically carry him between two buildings by the fact her and Herc went to gym classes every Tuesday.

She shoved him into one of the orange plastic chairs. “Stay.”

“I’m not a dog!”

“I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t try to run off…or else.”

Alex tried to trace her progress through the line of people for dinner. It should not have been difficult to see a very tall girl dressed in all pink, but somehow, the only person he could recognize in the queue was Burr with his umbrella.

He remembered he had his phone in his pocket, which he could read some more notes on, but upon opening up to his home screen which was a beautiful selfie Eliza had sent him, the first thing his attention was drawn to was Snapchat where he had one new notification. This was not strange as he usually had many more, having a streak of thirty eight days with Eliza – almost as long as they had been dating. Usually, he could ignore notifications for days. The message was from John and was a video of him and Eliza on the Domino’s website while using the flower crown filter. ‘ _All the more for us_ ’ it read, and Alex impatiently looked around for Angelica.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of pink. His girlfriend’s sister seated herself elegantly at his side, lightly placing down the big blue tray she carried.

“I have burritos. At least they have some nutrition. They also have macaroni cheese and leeks if you want something else.”

“No! I would rather die than eat macaroni cheese.”

“Alright, Mister dramatic. Eat.” She pointed at one of the two burritos on the plate. “No more coffee until after the test. You’re getting a good night’s sleep after this and then I’ll get Herc to make you a nutritious breakfast.”

Reluctantly, he bit into the burrito and melted cheddar oozed onto his tongue. It was good. Good for school food, anyway, which was the best food he could afford; he had no idea how to cook for himself.

It seemed Angelica had been reading his mind for she said “I’m getting you cooking lessons. I’m sure Eliza or Herc would be willing to teach you.”

“I don’t need to know how to cook.”

“Yes, you do. As well as do your own laundry and cleaning. It’s not a woman’s responsibility to have to do all these things, you know, and it’s quite pathetic if you can’t. Now, tell me about you and Eliza.”

“Is that what you interrupted all my studying for?”

“I’m trying to get your mind off things while being an anxious older sister.”

“You were the one who set us up!”

“And I’m making sure I didn’t make a mistake. You understand I love my sister more than anything in this life and I firmly follow my belief that there is no one in the world who is a good enough match for her.”

Alex could respect that. This was Eliza they were talking about.

“But you’re smart and you make her happy so I suppose I’ll try to be satisfied for now. Have you done it yet?”

He could not believe Angelica had the nerve to ask all about this but with the way she was looking at him, leaning forwards onto the table with crossed arms, you could tell she would not leave him alone to study until he answered.

“Not really.”

“Not really?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“We’ve never gone ‘all the way’ I can promise you. But we’ve gotten close.”

“How close?”

“Angelica, come on.”

“ _How close?_ ”

“Okay, not really. We’ve made out in bed before in underwear and everything. I didn’t want to force her too early.”

“Ah, okay, so you haven’t. Next question: how often do you go out on dates?”

“ _Out_ on dates? I don’t know, once a week? We mostly just hang out in the lounge area or in dorms and watch Netflix or go to the library.”

“Okay! Final question: how do you feel about her?”

“I—”

“Very few people set up on dates work out together, so it’s quite shocking that you are dating. But I have to know if you’re messing her around. Some boys do that, when no one is paying them any attention, when they think they can mess around with the heads of a naïve, sweet girl. Believe me, Eliza wouldn’t take kindly to you having that attitude to her. She would destroy you if I don’t first. I have to know if you’re one of them.”

Aghast at the torrent of words that had just flown over him, he avoided the question. “Don’t you trust me?”

“No,” she said, immediately. “How do you feel about my sister?”

“I love her,” he blurted out. “I didn’t want to tell her. It’s like you said, pathetic. We’ve been together less than two months. But she’s been one of the best parts of this year. I feel like, with her, I’ve found the one—”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Alexander. Anyone would feel like that with Eliza. This is good, though. She told me you promised her that you’d never hurt her.”

“I won’t.”

“You have to remember, Eliza is the best thing in our lives. Never lose sight of that.”

“I’m not going to. It’s just, don’t you always say that girls shouldn’t have to compete against each other? That there’s no perfect girl?”

Angelica smiled. “I can make an exception for my sister. I wish you two all the best. Now finish that burrito before it gets cold.”

 

* * *

 

 

Maria rubbed sleep from her eyes. The late hours were starting to have an impact on her as she found herself blinking much more than necessary and needing to support her weight on chairs. She was a good sleeper on a typical day, as in she went to bed sometime in between nine and midnight and managed to wake up an hour before each of her classes the next morning. But she had been in Herc’s little sewing room all day, finishing off all her preparation work for her first assessment on hair and makeup. All the work had to be handed in by the weekend but with two medicine finals that week, she would have no time to do it last minute.

Originally, Peggy was going to be her model. Peggy was fun to work with, being utterly clueless in cosmetics. She never brushed her hair, always pulling it up in a high ponytail, and she only wore makeup for special occasions, and even then it was just mascara and a bit of eyeliner. Maria could respect that. It was everyone’s choice how they wanted to go out and Peggy looked flawless without wearing any of it. She was just a lot more fun with her constant questioning about what Maria was doing and how she did it. It was also funny seeing her professors’ reactions when they encountered the photos of Peggy and questioned how on earth she had done such intricate details on her own face. She and Peggy did look quite similar, people had told her.

Peggy was now demanding payment for anything she did, and she was making money out of it. She was consciously pretending to be one of those toddlers who would do chores around the house in exchange for rewards. Some people had been falling for it, but Maria did not have enough to pay her for it. Not yet. She had some money made from the few lipsticks she had sold but she had special intentions for that. So Angelica had stood in for her during the morning before having to go and run GSA, Lafayette had come for the early afternoon, and when they too had to leave, Herc had let her put light makeup on him.

The final pictures came out of the printer and she lined them up with the others on the desk. Since the start of the year, she had experimented with so many makeup styles. She had to begin working on her portfolio.

“I need to show all the work but they probably won’t look through all of it, so I need to choose the best to display. And it needs to be equally hair and makeup.” She was partially speaking to Herc who was bent over some stitching in the corner, but mainly to herself. “Mattie’s hair. It’s the only dyeing I’ve done with no one else letting me. And when I gave you and Laf braids was good.”

“Also Peggy’s forties curls.”

“Right. So I need a few of my natural makeup styles. They want to know how well you can make someone look prepared for being under stage lights. So I’ll do the Schuyler sisters, with and without red lipstick, and you and Alex as well. It’s part of this thing I was doing to not make men wearing makeup a joke. Now, I’ll try to choose two more photosets. I was going to use my horror one but apparently that’s really overused. And I liked my technology one as well but it’s too close to what half my class is doing.” She put on a nasal voice. “’A commentary on our society’s dependence on technology and how much further we could go.’ Why can’t they just enjoy the idea of cyborgs instead of having to ruin it for everyone?”

“Space Laurens?” Herc suggested, and she located that photo collection. It had been part of her space-themed set. The whole idea had simply come out of one hangout session when Alex described John’s freckles as fingerprints of the universe. Eliza joked he should make his face into a star map and Maria called him into the studio the next day. She painted the area around his eyes and nose with pink, purple and blue, then she used white to paint stars over his more notable freckles and joined them with dotted lines. She did the same with Eliza though over her entire face and gave her fluorescent hair extensions so she stood out in the photos taken in the dark room.

Peggy was given space buns and galaxy nail polish and planets painted on her eyelids. Meanwhile, Maria had transformed Alex completely into a generic alien with bug-like black eyes and a head shaped like a balloon.

“Yeah, this is probably my best set. And I’ll put in the pop art collection.” For that set, Maria had been inspired by some pictures she found online, recreating famous pieces of pop art. Almost all in that set were of Peggy, wearing clothes in block colors, borrowed from Herc.

An iPhone started to ring and both Maria and Herc looked frantically over their shoulders, unable to distinguish who it belonged to. Eventually, Maria identified the noise as coming from the pile of bean bags and held up her phone in its scarlet case. It was James calling.

“Hey,” she said, her voice rising up an octave as she answered.

“Maria? Where are you?” He was masking something; something which she was not quite sure of, anger or despair or uneasiness or all three, but it was discomforting.

“Babe, are you alright?”

“I asked you a question!” his tinny voice shouted in her ear. There was a long pause and a deep breath. “Sorry, you made me lose my temper. I haven’t been having the best week. Where are you?” he asked more softly.

“School.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Any chance you could come and meet me?”

“I still have a lot of work to do and I need to study for my medicine exam later. You could come by, though.”

There were more sounds of ragged breathing on the other end of the line. She knew how he felt hanging being around college kids. He had vocalized his feelings on this before; he did not like being around “kids” younger than him but also smarter, and had enough bad experiences when he was in school to not want to carry on with another four years of that. He was stable enough without the qualifications, he had proven to her.

“Alright. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

She gave him directions to the art building and once he had hung up, she shooed Herc from the room. It was his own room, but her boyfriend would not like to be around him. He would not say anything, at least not while Herc was there, but he would find it demoralizing. Herc was a “bodybuilder hunk” as James once called him as she showed him a picture of her friendship group. He looked like the kind of guy who bullied James in high school and got all the girls. He would not at all like the idea of Maria being in a room alone with him and thinking about it made her feel instantly guilty.

He knocked on the door, just as she had finished putting her photos into the folder and was getting out her notes.

He seemed stressed out with his shaven head sweating and his hat clutched between two shaking hands.

“I need to talk to you.”

He pecked her on the lips, grabbing her waist and pinching until she flinched away. “Yeah, come in.”

“Nice little set up,” he said, picking up one of her photos. “Been hanging out with the girls?”

“Yeah, Angelica was in here, earlier.”

“Nice.” His heart was not in the statement.

“So what did you want to talk about?” She stood on the opposite side of the table to him while he investigated the different drawings.

“Well, I just feel like you’re not spending much time with me. I was wondering, do you still like me?”

“Duh. I have finals this week. It’s only one week.”

“Finals,” he repeated. “You know, it’s kind of off-putting.”

“What is?”

“You’re always rubbing it in how you’re so smart.” This was when he got contradictory; when they first started dating, he talked about how much he loved being with a clever college girl, not just one of those other girls who only cared about their looks. He said her interest in makeup and in medicine was a good mix, making her one of a kind. “It makes me feel inadequate.”

“I’m sorry. But I really do need to study.”

“Dammit, Maria!” She started at his sudden outburst, leaping backwards. Impulsively, he grabbed one of the pictures, Eliza in her pop art makeup, and tore it to shreds. Maria covered her mouth and James stared at the paper scraps scattered on the desk, realizing what he’d done.

“I didn’t mean to do that. You just made me so mad. Fuck, I had such a bad week, probably gonna be laid off at the bar, and I just wanted some love from my girl. But, I guess that was too much.” He turned to leave and she reached out.

“Wait, wait, no. I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re my boyfriend. I need to make time for you, even with finals. Look, I can clean this up and I just have to print it off again. And I’ll come back to your apartment with you.”

“Really? You sure you want to? Wouldn’t rather be with some of your intellectual friends?” he taunted.

“No, no. They’re not important right now.”

 

* * *

 

“This,” said Eliza through a mouthful of potato wedges. “This is what pizza is supposed to look like.” As she tore the slice from the rest of the enormous circle, melted cheese dripped like a waterfall into the box. It was a struggle to separate the slice, but she managed, and slowly bit into it.

“Alright, you vegan,” laughed John

“Leave me alone. Being a vegan is tough.”

“Plenty of other people manage it.”

“Let’s ask the real question; are you all ready for finals?” She cupped his face, looking into his green eyes with crinkles around the edges from laughter.

“Yeah. Having Alex around with his excessive studying is actually pretty motivational. My dad wants me to get all A’s but I’m sure he’d let me off with a B.”

“You can make it. I believe in you.”

“Aw, thanks Eliza.” They hugged each other under the blankets.

“Look, I think there’s something I need to put out there,” she whispered as she swallowed her slice. “I know about you and Alex.”

John almost choked on his fizzy drink. The creases showed in his forehead as he frowned. “What?” he asked her, aghast.

“About the Alpha Xi party. You know, how he had a crush on you and didn’t realize you had a girlfriend?”

“Oh.” Relief washed over his face.

“I figured you’d be wondering about it. We only started dating a few weeks after that party, so you might have thought he was going out with me just to get over you. But he told me about it on our first date. And he’s told me that he wants to be with me, now. That sounded a bit like me boasting, didn’t it?”

“Okay.”

“Yeah, a bit awkward. Just thought you should know.”

“No, you’re right. I mean, you seemed happy and all, so I didn’t think it was us. I didn’t think he’d tell you. But I did think he’d…you know, get over it quickly.”

“I’m glad you guys still got to be friends. You have some kind of special bond. No one can compete with that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re always so happy around each other and at peace. It looks like you’ve forgotten all your worries about your dad and school to listen to him ranting about how much he hates a random student who said something stupid and for you to communicate in your secret emoji language.”

“It’s not a language.”

“You have good effects on each other.”

“He’s not the only one. You’re as close a friend to me as he is.”

“As close?”

“Well, almost. But in a different way. It’s impossible to compare.”

“I guess so.” She withdrew a sweetcorn kernel from the tomato sauce. “Here, you eat this.”

“It’s tiny.”

“Yeah, and I hate sweetcorn. Anyway, what are you doing over Christmas?”

He laughed though his face failed to convey any happiness. “Back home to South Carolina. Three weeks with my parents.”

“Redefining bravery,” said Eliza.

“Thanks. It won’t be all bad. With Mattie and seeing my sisters and brother again. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Every time my dad opens his mouth, it’s all the things you hear people talking about on the internet at racist family meals, but never expected were real.”

“What does he think about all of us? A bunch of millennial, social justice gays?”

“He doesn’t know about you. I don’t talk much about my friends and he doesn’t seem to care. All he ever asks about it my class work. He knows Laf and Herc, because they’re my roommates, but you can tell he disapproves of them. It’s a bit a race thing and a bit because he thinks Laf’s a guy with long hair who wears makeup. I didn’t even bother trying to explain about their gender, or he might have me moved out. And because Herc’s a textiles major, despite him being the most hyper masculine guy I know. You can imagine the kind of things he’d say about him. I wish I could stop it. I hate it.” He looked away from her and she knew he was concealing tears. Eliza softly rubbed his shoulder, in the spot she knew he found most soothing.

“Your loyalty to your friends is so special.”

“I wish I could actually show it.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re doing it for your own safety, and that’s the most important thing.” Eliza was not quite aware of just what went on in John’s house but from what he had said to her in the past, she got an image of shouting and punishments and emotional manipulation, enough that the prospect of returning home for but a few weeks was more than daunting. “Your dad can’t hurt any of us. He can hurt you, but you’re still able to stand up for them, even if it’s through polite corrections. It makes you the ultimate ally.”

After she had spoken, it looked as if he was about to tell her something. He looked back at her, eagerly, with his mouth open but the words were not yet ready to be spoken. He covered his mouth.

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

“Remember, it’s only a few weeks left of 2016. And you’ll be back with us and you’ll be happy. You can survive that. You’ll make it.”

“Eliza, how is it that you can put a positive spin on anything? I mean, we’ve had the worst year in either of our lifetimes and a racist TV personality is about to be President. How can you be so happy?”

She shrugged and folded up the empty pizza box. Every last crumb had been finished, even the sweetcorn, and even though she was full, Eliza wanted to eat more; there was still a box of cookie dough.

“I'm not happy. Not with the way things are now. Usually, when I feel sad about the state of the world, I remember that others have it so much worse. Not only does that make me feel better about myself, but it makes me want to make a difference. We have the resources to do that and that makes us so lucky to be alive right now. John, life is meant to get bad. It’s meant to have its ups and its downs, but we can’t experience those ups unless we leave the downs in the past.” She thought she was done, but suddenly remembered a thought she had the day the election results were announced. “I can’t always put positive spins on things, you know. I…when they announced that… _he_ was going to be president, I was afraid. I’m afraid for women and people of color and Muslims and Jews. And I can’t ensure everything will be alright for us, because we’ve seen before what bad effects presidents can have on minority groups.”

“That’s true.”

“So, I say, though we try to stay happy and keep going, we carry on doing something about this. I say, we don’t just wait for it all to be over in silence. I say we do riot. We go to marches like Angelica’s and any Black Lives Matter ones you can find. We carry on with life, but we carry on fighting.”

“Amen to that.” Not having glasses, they clinked together their pepsi cans. “God, it’s late. We better get back to our dorms, seeing as we pretty much invaded Alex’s.”

“No, we should stay here,” Eliza yawned. “I can’t move an inch. It will teach him a lesson for not taking a break when we told him to.”

John nodded and went up to switch off the lights. With a click, they were submerged in darkness.

“Wait! Alex is scared of the dark,” Eliza recalled. “We don’t want anything to go wrong when he gets back.”

“What do I do?”

“There’s a nightlight round the side of his bed.”

Another switch was flicked and a gold orb of light was formed across the four walls. As John tied his hair back and took off his shirt, Eliza scribbled a quick note with huge letters written in sharpie.

_ALEX,_

_WE WERE TIRED SO DECIDED TO SLEEP IN YOUR BED._ _WE ARE PLATONICALLY SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED. ELIZA IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU._

_LOVE ELIZA AND JOHN XXX_

Beneath the blankets, Eliza pulled John into the heart of her warm embrace. They clutched each other’s hands like they were holding on for dear life, and their grips did not slacken even in the depths of their dreams. Eliza fell asleep with the rise and fall of John’s back against her chest and his hair tickling her chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! You're all amazing. Until next week x


	15. Include Women In The Sequel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone. After many filler chapters, we finally have Angelica's march. I was writing this the weekend of the women's march which I went to so I had a lot of inspiration. Now I hope everyone enjoys x

“Oh my God, I’m so gay,” said Eliza, fawning over the Instagram picture.

“Let’s see.” Maria grabbed the phone from her hands and looked at the same. “Yeah, me too.”

It was a picture from the Asian beauty account Eliza followed, of a model she had never seen before with choppy, blue hair that came to her shoulders, and an oversized pair of glasses. Her unfamiliarity with her did not stop her instant adoration.

With finals done and dusted, Eliza at last had time to assist with the march which would be beginning in just a few hours. She and Maria had spent the afternoon getting themselves covered from head to toe in glitter while making signs that would show in the dark. Decorations on the banners included glow-in-the-dark stars, shiny heart stickers, glow sticks, and Eliza’s favorite art material; lots of glitter. Slogans included “No does not mean convince me,” “Why should you tell me what to do with my body?” and one suggested by Peggy which was “Leave your husband, Kill your children, Practice witchcraft, Destroy capitalism and Become a lesbian.” Hopefully people would understand the irony instead of using that particular sign to condemn the movement.

“I was going to bring along everyone’s Christmas presents, in case I don’t see them before Christmas break. I’m spending the whole weekend packing and sleeping.”

“You bought everyone Christmas presents?”

“Not _everyone_. Just the friendship group and the people from work.”

“I was with you when you bought them,” Maria reminded her. “You said you were buying flowers and a Christmas cake for the homeless lady who sells newspapers in the mall.”

“I did. She really liked it.”

“What the fuck, Eliza? I mean, it’s great you’re being so generous but I barely had enough money to buy a present for Laf. I had them for secret Santa and bought them this cute onesie I found because I know they love onesies.”

“Most of what I got everyone is really small, anyway. For Herc, it’s just a bottle of chilli sauce!”

“But aren’t you worried because…well, no offence, but the only other person who can afford presents for everyone is Angelica. Peggy as well but she’s not very money conscious.”

“Are you asking me if I’m worried I won’t get any presents?”

“Other than from your secret Santa.”

“Honestly, Maria, I’m not worried. I know it’s Herc who’s got me. He’s not very subtle about it. Keeps bringing up in conversations what my ultimate present would be for less than ten dollars. But honestly, that would be enough.”

“Fair. You’re not greedy.” Maria looked quite different today. She had switched out her usual red lipstick for nude lips and had on no eyeliner or eyeshadow, no foundation either as far as Eliza was aware of. She looked great no matter what, but somehow, she seemed a little less like Maria, Eliza’s friend. She zipped up her red coat and the girls put on their matching hats with pom-poms on top. Herc had made one for all his friends by this point so they could be identifiable as a group in public.

Eliza emptied her handbag until all it contained were her keys, purse and phone. This way, she had room for all the gifts, and then she and Maria divided the placards between them.

“We’ll meet up one day over Christmas. I’ll be down in the city some of the time.”

“Sounds good. You wanna get going?”

 

* * *

 

Angelica was stressed. It was quite funny, how she could soar through her finals as if they were just a ten question pop quiz at the start of the year that counted towards nothing, confident she would have top grades and maintain her perfect GPA. Yet, it was this march that worried her.

She did not know why she was worried. People would show up. There were so many people on campus passionate about this that she knew she could get a few hundred, even with the weather conditions. Maybe it was the possibility of the crowd being broken up and all the planning she had done going to waste.

“Hey, big sister, want a donut?” Peggy held a full box up to Angelica’s face and it was tempting. They smelled delicious.

“I don’t have time for this, Peggy. I’m sure you can get Alexander to eat them all when he arrives.” She did not want to say “if he arrives,” expressing a slight doubt that any of her friends would actually be here.

“Where on earth are Gamma Phi? Amy said she’d get them all to show up early,” Angelica complained to Theo. Her friend looked miserable, gluing bamboo sticks onto the signs made from cardboard. “Come on, cheer up. We’re doing something good.”

Theo had been like this all the way up to the funeral back in November. Angelica hoped seeing all of Jacques’ family together and giving her condolences might have given her some closure, but she had continued to go downhill from there. As his girlfriend, she had been supposed to make a speech at the church. Instead, she had said “good morning” to the congregation, followed by a painful silence. Finally, she had bolted off the stage and out of the church and Angelica, having no wish to remain among strangers and no wish to let her friend go off alone, ran after her. They made the decision not to go back and Angelica called Eliza so she could find them somewhere to go out to as the best event planner. Eliza found them an exhibit on women in sports through the centuries and they went bowling and spent their money like preteens in the arcade. Eliza did not know about the funeral or about any of it, but her sister never asked many questions. That was another reason for Angelica to be proud of her; she could hear that someone, anyone, was in a bad state and would instantly find something for them to do to take their mind off things. It had worked; that was, until the next morning.

“Excuse me? Are you Angelica Schuyler?” A woman in her late twenties in a pantsuit sidestepped into her vision, holding a microphone. Behind her were two other women who must have been quite a lot older. One had a camera and the other a boom.

“Yes!” she replied with enthusiasm. She had got in touch with a small news network, as well as a newspaper and a small women’s magazine.

“Erin Jackson.” The reporter shook her hand. “ Really appreciate what you’re doing here. Should I run through my plan with you?”

“That would be fantastic.”

“So we’re going to follow along on either side and hopefully get some of the best clips of chanting. We’ll get in a few interviews and I’d like an interview with you, as the organizer. Joanne, can you get her a microphone?”

The woman with the sound equipment spent some time clipping a discrete microphone to the front of Angelica’s coat. She repeatedly asked her to say various phrases and would listen in her headphones. Eventually, she gave her thumbs up of approval.

“Angelica, let’s get started. Tell us what inspired you to lead this march?”

“Well, it’s the campus attitude to this issue. It’s becoming more talked about in the news and just last year, we had that documentary, the Hunting Ground, which I recommend everyone watching. We’ve had so many rape cases and colleges in the last year which have made attention in the media, particularly due to white privilege, and I decided it was about time we did something about this at Columbia.”

“This is a problem at Columbia?”

“There are no specific colleges where this is a problem more than at others as far as I am aware. There are always going to be unreported cases, and there’s that statistic that one in five women on a campus will be sexually assaulted. I know for a fact that there are quite a few people it has happened to here, not just girls, and the school have done little to prevent it happening again or even in the way of punishment for the offender. This was my protest against them refusing to listen.”

“What kind of turn out are you expecting?”

“I honestly have no idea. I know that this isn’t everyone yet, we still have an hour or so to go, but so far so good.” It was not so far so good. Without the vast numbers of the Gamma Phi sorority, there were under a hundred of them here. She kept a straight face though as she continued her interview.

“I’m seeing quite a few boys, actually.”

“Well, like I said, Erin, this isn’t just a problem for girls. It may be one in five girls but it’s one in sixteen boys and while that may not be as high, it’s still a shocking statistic. We know the effects this trauma can have on people and considering the much higher male suicide rates, this is a huge problem for them, too. We can’t blatantly ignore this happens to men, and many young boys in this generation are thankfully feminists and may be supporting their female friends.”

“Now, I have one final question. You know that this is the first Take Back the Night Walk to be organized by a transgender woman?”

“Really?”

“Yes. What do you think about that?”

“Well, while talking about statistics, it is said that around fifty percent of transgender people are sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. This is often as a form of ‘correction.’ In general, trans people are more at risk, especially trans people of color, like me. It’s said a trans person of color are six times more likely to face physical assault than white cis people.” She did not just happen to know these statistics at random. As the person running the GSA, she had done plenty of research and information tended to stick in Angelica’s head. “So yes, we need to open that conversation to this minority. We need to stop pretending that women’s rights are just about cis white women getting paid a dollar instead of seventy five cents. And that is one of the messages I will be spreading, tonight and next month at the march after the inauguration ceremony.”

“Thank you for your time, Angelica.”

“Angelica!” It was Eliza and Maria, with more signs, which they laid out on a bench. “I brought along some speakers and made a playlist of girl power songs. Maybe we can get people singing along.”

“Good. Eliza, get set up.” She had some other people she needed to greet, waiting for her. The first was a girl of middle school age, and she wondered what she was doing here.

“My sister comes here and I wanted to show support. But I don’t have a sign. Do you have any spares?”

“Of course! Here, go to Maria. Maria’s the girl in red. She’ll show you what’s left over.”

Next was James, wrapped up in many thick layers and rubbing his gloved hands together to keep them warm. “Hello, Angelica. I, uh, just wanted to let you know I can’t stay the whole time. I promised Thomas I’d go to his fundraiser.”

She found herself scowling at his name but quickly reverted to a smile. “The important thing is that you showed up. And he hasn’t.”

“I never really got to apologize for what happened with the posters and the, um…tampon. He doesn’t really mean it. He just gets a bit nervous around you and acts, well,” he cleared his throat, “like an ass.”

“From what I’ve heard, he acts like an ass around everyone.”

“He’s assertive. I should probably find Dolley. But thank you for organizing this.”

Behind him was Peggy, still holding her donut box. Got a text from Lydia from Gamma Phi. They’re all about five minutes away.”

“Okay, right. Looks like we’re almost ready to start. Eliza, can you go to greet the newspapers and explain our route?”

“Sure.”

“Peggy, go find the others. I think I see Laurens’ hair somewhere over there.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” said Eliza, grabbing Peggy’s arm to stop her leaving. “We’re forgetting something.” She began to sing. “Work, work.”

Angelica sighed and cleared her throat. “Angelicaaa.”

“Elizaaa.”

“And Peggy!”

“The Schuyler Sisters.” They put their hands into the middle of a circle and on the final beat, brought them up into the sky.

“Alright, girls. Go, go, go.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m so cold. It’s so unfair; they should have heaters on campus. It’s a big campus and people have to walk really far in the cold and they could catch hyperthermia so they need to find a way to keep us warm,” Alex said, all in one go. All his words were muffled by the scarf he had pulled up to cover his nose and mouth. “It was never cold like this in the Caribbean.”

All of this was semi addressed to Herc who was peering out over the crowd. At such a short stature, Alex had no chance of being able to see Angelica or Eliza or any of the others and it irritated him that Herc could.

“Hey, little homie, don’t get so upset. You’ve lived in New York how long?”

“Two years.”

“Bro, you wouldn’t have lasted a day in Ireland.

Towards them from out of the crowd came a tall person with large, frizzy hair that stuck out in all directions. Alex only had to look at their face before jumping into defense mode.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded from Jefferson.

“The same reason you are here, petit lion,” they replied in a French accent, slightly bewildered.

“Laf?” He stared closer and realized that it was indeed Laf, wearing eyeliner and with a clean-shaven face. The only differences to their regular appearance were their hair being down and them not wearing glasses. John had been right. They really did look like Jefferson. How had he not seen it before?

John smugly came out from behind Laf and winked at Alex, and Alex felt outrage at the trick at first, but that stupid grin of John’s was enough to make any anger vanish on the spot.

Laf and Herc both started to look for Angelica while John pulled Alex closer to him and they spoke in loud whispers.

“Why did you trick me like that, Laurens?”

“I didn’t trick you. I just wanted to see what Laf looked like with their hair down and wearing contacts.”

“You liar!”

John shrugged. “I just wanted to prove to you they do look identical. They’re like clones! Real clones, not the shitty ones from the Star Wars prequels. Hey, we should get them in the same room, standing next to each other. That would make Laf happy.”

“Why?”

“They would be _beside themself_.”

Alex laughed, a lot harder than he should have. It was enough to make his scarf come loose so that it fell back down to his neck and for him to nearly crumple over. It was only John, holding him by the shoulders that stopped them both toppling over.

“I hate you,” laughed Alex, still panting from laughing so much. “And I also missed your bad jokes.”

“I didn’t go anywhere.”

“But you stopped telling them! The last one was ‘self-absorbed,’ at Halloween!”

“No, it wasn’t.” John tried to think of another, but he couldn’t. “Look, one does not simply give up puns.”

“ _You_ did.” Alex noticed how close he and John’s faces were to each other. Three inches, two inches, one inch. He was mindlessly moving in closer and it seemed John was doing the same. The last time he thought about John’s lips like this had been at the Alpha Xi party. The last time he had thought of John in any romantic way had been before he started dating Eliza. At least, that was what he had thought. Any daydreaming he had been able to scrub away, for her. He thought he was done with John, that he had moved on. Now, something had shifted. It seemed those feelings were not dead; just dormant. He had missed them.

He felt as if he was going in for the kiss, like they both were. Mesmerized by the night air and the crowd and the green eyes and the freckles, God, the starry night freckles. Then he remembered Eliza.

How could he ever forget her? How could he forget the girl he was in love with? And how could he have considered taking that love for granted for even a second? He pulled himself away from John and studied him. There was silence, for a while, as if John had noticed what had been about to transpire between them. But how could he have noticed? He had proven to Alex too many times that he was not interested in him like that. At least no kiss had happened.

“I mean, I didn’t want to interfere with you and Eliza too much. I wasn’t sure if my jokes would make things very romantic.”

“What are you talking about, Laurens? Eliza loves your jokes!”

All thought of his irreplaceable feelings for John and his guilt about Eliza even though he had not actually been unfaithful were whisked away as Peggy appeared at Alex’s side.

“Donut?” she offered him.

“Yes! I’m starving!” Alex swiped from her the very top donut and took a huge bite. It took a second for his taste buds to protest the food; dough, sugar and something else. Alex bent over and wretched.

“It has ketchup in!” Peggy shouted with glee, clapping her hands together.

“Are you trying to poison me? Why is everyone trying to poison me? Earlier this week, Jefferson offered me some macaroni cheese because he brings a tub of it to every lesson and eats it afterwards and I hate macaroni cheese but he made me eat some and I’m pretty sure he put poison in it! I’m lucky to be alive.”

“He’s just not a very good cook,” said Herc, ducking down to their level after overhearing the conversation. “Oh, you have donuts!” He also took one and nibbled on the edge. “Not bad,” he said. “I’ve had worse.”

Peggy and John shared a look that asked how anyone could find a donut filled with ketchup to be “not bad.”

“Angelica says the march is about to start,” Peggy informed them. “She’s at the front and wanted me to get you. Follow me.”

 

* * *

 

James hid himself in the most discrete corner of the hall to remove his coat and sweater and fix his tuxedo underneath. Surrounding him, dazzling in the light of the disco ball, were students in formal clothing, twisting and turning on the dance floor.

He squinted to see Thomas, somewhere in the middle of this mystical nightmare. He could not quite bare to be alone among what was essentially strangers. They were overwhelmingly male strangers; a large percentage of the women on campus would rather be at the march so it turned out.

“Can I help you?” asked a smiling girl with bright pink lipstick and a silver dress made from thousands of sequins. A name label, partially hidden under her hair, indicated that she was one of the organizers of the fundraiser which they had chosen to name ‘The Snow Ball.’ Her very talking to him made him anxious.

“I, uh, I-I was just—” he spluttered.

“Have you bought a ticket?”

“It’s alright, Jade, darlin’. He’s with me.” Thomas loomed behind her, his suit indigo and bejeweled with what were likely cheap replicas but seemed to be diamonds in clusters on the lapels.

“Sorry, Thomas.” She twirled her flat hair around one finger in an attempt to be flirtatious and in turn, he admired her. Unless James was mistaken, he winked at her.

“Could you give us men a minute alone? And then I’ll find you for our dance.”

“I’ll be waiting.” She sauntered away with her hips swaying from side to side in that tight dress.

Once she was gone, Thomas drew James close to whisper in his ear. “She’s an eight. Good body but not much going on up there.” He pointed at James’ brain. “That’s the problem with these chicks. They’re all too concerned with boys and their appearance to think about anything worthwhile.”

This must have been an allusion to Angelica, possibly the smartest person either of them knew. James had been wondering if he had gotten over her, but it seemed as if that was not the case.

“Easy game. But not dating material,” he finished his point. “Want to take a walk outside?”

When Thomas said “outside” he meant the much smaller room conjoined to the main hall, with glass walls and wide open windows surrounded by flowing silk curtains, all of which gave the impression of being outside while still managing to stay warm. The snow ball was not some tacky event like the Halloween fundraiser had been, Thomas assured James during preparations, but something classy and elegant. This was why white roses and white lilies were arranged in vases and mistletoe hung in small bunches from the ceiling.

“Whatcha think?” he asked. “Sweet design, right?”

“Yes. It’s all very nice.” They would make some money out of it. Just not as much as the whole school board had hoped. “Uh, Thomas, I came from Angelica’s march.” He waited for something; anger, scorn, accusations of betrayal. But Thomas remained calm.

“Don’t act like you have something to be sorry for. I can’t control you. You can do whatever you want. And hey, at least you showed up to this, too.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be? ‘Got nothing against those girls protesting. All seems kinda trivial to me, like they’re making a big deal outta nothing. You know how women exaggerate things.”

“Yeah.” James hung his head.

“But if that’s what they wanna spend their time doing, who am I to stop them? It’s a free country, though you might not believe it with all these taxes they’re making us pay. I know how that shit matters to you.”

“You were so angry when you heard Angelica was organizing the march.”

“Got me by surprise, but it ain’t like it affects me. I’m not arguing with you, Mads, because you went to both. I’m not losing my best friend ‘cause of it. Like I said, it matters to you, and you matter to me.”

He took James’ face and kissed him with passion, what felt like passion. James tried to ignore the memories of this happening whenever Thomas was trying to make him feel better about himself, only to go off with someone else or long after Angelica. He just lost himself, sinking into him.

Once it was over, Thomas turned his back to James so he was facing the door back into the main hall. “Well, looks like I’ve got a dance to do. Want to end this semester with a bang.” Without being able to see his face, James knew he would be smiling at his wordplay. “Maybe I’ll see if I can get a dance with Sally Hemings. That one’s different. She has a brain. A bit skinny but growing nicely.”

As a part of the dance once more, James found himself dipping fruit kebabs into the chocolate fountains and tasting all the spring rolls, and soon found himself swept into the arms of a skinny guy with dyed silver hair. Dancing with a stranger was not something he would have dared do at the start of the night, and it almost felt like he was trying to get Thomas’ attention; he did not look once properly at his partner’s face, instead watching in the distance and waiting for the moment Thomas and Jade would slide back into view.

Later in the evening, when the pair left, Thomas’ arm draped over her bare shoulder, James stopped and watched them leave. His heart sank in his chest before he resumed dancing with someone else.

 

* * *

 

The march came to a close around midnight, in the surrounding area to a portacabin filled with computers. Angelica had to wait until everyone had left which could take hours of everyone congratulating her on her success so the building was convenient for those who just wanted to get out of the cold.

Maria found the heater and warm air flooded into the room, soothing all their cold joints. As Angelica said goodbye to one of the news reporters, she watched Eliza handing out neatly-wrapped gifts from the corner of her eye.

“Alex, I got you a voodoo doll.”

“Only one?” laughed John.

“So next time _someone_ is annoying you, you have something to take out your anger on.” Everyone knew full well he would dedicate the doll to Jefferson and that would be the end of that.

“Does it work, though?” Alex asked her.

“We’ll see.”

“I got you something as well, Eliza. I had Angelica for secret Santa but she’s not coming to pick up her present, now.”

“You are aware I can hear you, Alexander. Thanks for spoiling the surprise!” She turned to call to him and apologetically turned back to the girl she had been addressing previously.

“Great job on the march! I hope it made a difference.”

“It definitely did. They came to try and break it up.” Some teacher Angelica had never seen before stood in their way at one point to tell them to stop. Fortunately, he could not suppress the surge of girls approaching him and had been put to shame by Professor Ross who had agreed to come along as their supervisor. Angelica found it quite amusing that the head of Textiles supported them while the head of Women studies did not.

She looked back over her shoulder to see what Alex had gotten Eliza. It was a miniscule white box with a gold ribbon wrapped around. Angelica did not get to see as Eliza took off the lid and held whatever it was in the palm of her hand. Angelica shook one more hand, by which point most others had left. She was lucky this time as she was able to rejoin her friends.

Draped along Eliza’s wrists was a silver chain, the two ends of which joined together at an  was a clasp at the side.

“Whoa, Alexander, where did you buy that?” Angelica asked him, astonished.

“Well, Martha helped me pick it out. I thought you’d like it because it’s blue and it’s shiny and it’s prett **y**. Like you.”

Eliza raised her eyebrows. “I’m blue?”

“You dress in blue all the time,” he recovered himself. “You can put a picture of someone you love inside.”

“Okay. Angelica, remember that picture I did of Peggy in eighth grade? I’ll use that.”

Angelica knew exactly which drawing this was. This had been in the age when everyone wanted to take art when none of them had plans to enter the art world in the future. Eliza had drawn Peggy and been so proud of it she carried it around for weeks and brought it out when necessary to show people how much she loved her sister. The picture was very good for something drawn by a thirteen-year-old. The sole problem was that it looked nothing like Peggy.

“But, isn’t there someone else you might want to put in there?” He put on his pouting face as Eliza stared at the locket.

“Angelica?” she teased him. “I probably have a picture of her somewhere, too. And I have to make space for John.”

“Stop!”

“Eliza, be nice.”

“Alright. Compromise. A picture of Peggy, a picture of Angelica and a picture of you.”

Angelica’s gift from Alex was a pink planner for 2017, something she could certainly use. One twist she found to it was that each page included an inspirational quote from a feminist icon, all the way up to Michelle Obama.

“I swear, I’m spending the whole of tomorrow sleeping,” said Maria. She only had a short distance to travel, returning home on Sunday. You could get to Harlem in less than half an hour by train. The same was the case with Alex and Herc who both lived in Manhattan and for Laf who would be staying with the Washingtons over Christmas. In Angelica’s opinion, it was a bit inappropriate for someone to stay with their teacher’s family for such a long period, but Alex was Laf’s good friend after all and neither Laf’s family back in France nor the school had any problem with it.

“I gotta pack,” said John. For him it was more complicated as he had an early flight back to South Carolina and would have to wake up extra early to get to JFK, along with Mattie, and Dolley who was going back to Virginia.

Philip and Catherine Schuyler would be along with Cornelia and Cathy to pick Angelica, Eliza and Peggy up after lunch and from there it would be roughly three hours until they got back home. She had promised to make the drive back down to the city for a few days so those members of the friendship group within close enough proximity with each other could have some fun together.

Lastly, Theo would be going to New Jersey, going back a day early. Angelica asked her if she might like to come to one of their meet ups and she had said “maybe” but Angelica could take that for a no.

She accepted a hug from Herc, becoming entwined in his stocky arms. She liked how with her heels on which had blistered her feet during the march, she could be taller than him.

“I’ll miss you, Angie,” he whispered in her ear.

She grimaced. “Ugh, quit with the nickname, Hercules. We’ll see each other like next week.”

When she turned around, Theo was gone. She would have gone back to the house, but Angelica knew she would already be asleep or at least pretending to be asleep when she got back as she did so many nights and would leave too early in the morning for Angelica to bid her farewell. All she could do was hope she would survive through Christmas. The next three weeks were going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the fun because the next couple of chapters are going to be angsty. It is getting exciting soon. I don't think I've mentioned before but I'm also @ninasfireescape on tumblr and have had people message me about the story so that's fine and I love talking to you. As always, I love your comments and I'll see you all next week x


	16. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm not even trying with chapter titles anymore but the title is very self-explanatory. I'm only a little over a month late, so get ready for a chapter that will start off very happy and descend into angst. We meet many of the characters' families but obviously they would have had many more siblings than shown in this chapter and many more than possible in this day, so I basically just took the siblings mentioned on each character's wikipedia page. Hope you all enjoy x

Third time lucky: that was what they said. The first time the smoke alarm went off, Lafayette declared that nothing was wrong, that they could sort it out. It was just a little bit of smoke. The second time, the smoke wafted through to the kitchen, along with the stench of melting plastic.

“Merde!” they shouted.

“Is all alright in there?”

“Yes, yes, all is fine.” They started to cough. Just to be sure, Martha went to check and came out a few minutes later to scrape charred lumps from the frying pan. She took over the responsibilities of cooking from there and twenty minutes later, they were brought a dinner of potato patties, donuts and chocolate coins.

“Aren’t you French meant to be good at cooking?”

“Mrs. Washington, that is a stereotype and very false.”

Laf let Alex have a go at lighting their menorah. Though the Washingtons were Christian, just as Alex had been raised, he was well aware of Jewish celebrations. He knew what the eight candles represented and opened the curtains to show the flames gleaming in front of the small Christmas tree.

“Now I will teach you a game.” They took out a small device, shaped like a cube and pyramid put together with a short stick coming out of the flat end. Four Hebrew letters were engraved into the sides. “This is a dreidel. It is Jewish gambling but with chocolate money. We must each take five coins. Then we leave the rest in the middle.” They held up the dreidel. “If it lands on Nun, you get nothing. If it lands on Hay, you get half. If it lands on Shin, you must put one coin in the middle and if it lands on Gimel, you get everything. We will see if you are any good.”

Alex lost. And he lost again. George was surprisingly good for someone who had never played.

“There’s no such thing at being good at this game, Alex. It’s all a matter of luck.”

The two teenagers were sharing Alex’s room. Laf had Alex’s bed and Alex had been put in a sleeping bag which he was not happy about and everyone was well aware of. He thought it would be good to stay up until midnight working on his story. He took out his laptop and opened the word document. Almost complete. Three chapters to go. Now to figure out the ending. He took one look at the document and went onto Buzzfeed.

_We Can Tell You Which Tattoo To Get Based On Your MacDonald’s Order_

This looked interesting. Soon, he had gone through five more quizzes, discovering that he was Belle from Beauty and the Beast due to his zodiac sign, according to his taste in makeup, he was a Hufflepuff, and he was more Kardashian than Jenner. Next, he saw a post that made him angry enough to text Eliza about it.

 

 **You** _22:24_

You will not believe what I just found

 **You** _22:28_

Eliza

 **You** _22:28_

Hello?

 **You** _22:28_

ELIZA

 **You** _22:28_

ELIIIIIIIZA

 **You** _22:29_

I just discovered sin

 **You** _22:29_

I found an article on Buzzfeed called 29 EROTIC MACARONI CHEESE GIFS

 **You** _22:29_

MACARONI CHEESE CANNOT BE EROTIC

 **You** _22:29_

MACARONI CHEESE IS A SIN

 **You** _22:29_

#DidThomasJeffersonWriteThis?

 **You** _22:29_

NO HE DIDN’T IT’S HELEN BUZZFEED REPORTER FROM MISSOURI

 **You** _22:29_

IN FACT I’M GOING TO FIND HER AND FIGHT HER

 

At midnight, he went through all of the group chats he was on for the classes he took, the chat for he, John, Laf and Herc and the chat for the extended friendship group that involved the girls as well. ‘CHRISTMAS’ was all he would type, with plenty of festive emojis to follow.

Lafayette got him up at an ungodly hour by jumping on the foot of his bed.

“Réveillez-vous, Alex! C’est Noël!”

Alex groaned from where he lay uncomfortably with the blanket tangled all around him. “Va te faire foutre.”

Laf climbed on top of him and ripped off the blanket. “Non. Nous devons nous lever. C’est Noël.”

“Mais je ne veux pas me lever. Je veux dormir.”

“Tu ne dors jamais. Pourquoi veux-tu dormir maintenant? Allons-y!”

Downstairs, the pair of them dived into their presents, tossing their shreds of wrapping paper everywhere.

George and Martha soon emerged in dressing gowns, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

“Some presents and cards arrived in the post for you,” said Martha. For Alex, there were three. One from Rob Troup, one from Kitty Livingston who was briefly his foster sister when he was staying with the Livingstons. They had always been close, despite his bad experiences with the family, to the point he developed a crush on the older blonde. The third was the most surprising.

_Dear Alexander,_

_Happy Holidays!_

_I know you must be nearly twenty now so this is both a Christmas and birthday card. I don’t know if this will get to you because I have no idea where you are, but I’ve read your writing and it’s amazing. You really are talented. My foster family used to collect news cuttings on you. I’ve missed you for all these years, but I want us to meet again. I still live in St. Croix but in Annaly now. I really hope we get in touch._

_From your brother, Jamie Hamilton_

There was an address below and Alex stared mesmerized, rereading the card, over and over. There was a penguin emblazoned on the front, covered in glitter that smeared on his fingers.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. George and Martha prepared a meal. Using Alex’s Caribbean cooking book he bought them at the start of the year, they made a chicken and rice recipe and a crème brûlée for dessert. It was a way to explore the culture of their two extra family members this Christmas. They had a go at some board games which they found on the shelves. George won both rounds of Clue, and just beat Alex at Monopoly.

Christmas television was cheesy yet enjoyable to watch. In one sitting, they watched the Grinch and A Christmas Carol and Home Alone 2 and half of It’s a Wonderful Life, by which point it was well into the morning of Boxing Day. Alex had been texting with Eliza earlier, having a competition to see who could send the most hearts but with him winning, she said she was going out for the rest of the evening.

Alex dozed off on the couch with a blanket draped over him. He remembered one of the last things he had been thinking about was how he would respond to Jamie’s letter. The next morning, he got up, wrote it, and sent it off to the address on the card.

Alex ended Christmas filled with excitement for new adventures.

 

* * *

 

The children rose from their benches behind the vicar and Eliza frantically flicked through her program as she saw Cornelia in her red t-shirt standing at the back of the tight group.

_St. Mary’s Junior Chamber Choir_

_Do You Hear What I Hear?_

_Soloists: Michael Bennet and Cornelia Schuyler_

It was tradition for the Schuylers to go to church every Christmas Eve, the church in the Albany town closest to the Schuyler Mansion. It was about fifteen minutes away by car and all five sisters had attended private school there.

Their home was not called the Schuyler Mansion, but that was what the other children at their school called it. On the top of a hill, surrounded by freshly cut lawns and flower beds, a fountain out front, a forest behind and a nearby park with a lake. The park was public but the only ones who actually went there were her family. Eliza used to be offended by the name, but later she realized they had a point. Even surrounded by upper class children, her house was about twice as big as any of theirs.

So much had taken place in that house, in this town, in this church. They came every Sunday and sat patiently in the pews, sang in the choirs, went to the children’s group upstair. Eliza always enjoyed the church visits and had fully retained her religion. It was a part of her identity which she had struggled with at times, like when she discovered the side of Christianity that disregarded her and her sisters’ entire existence. Their vicar never said anything on the topic but on multiple occasions, rowdy adults had stood up to declare what they thought were abominations. One time this happened when Eliza and Peggy were about ten, they had both started crying and had to be taken out. Eliza had studied passages and knew that it was said marriage was between a man and a woman but she also knew it said so many more times that love was what was most important in life, and you had to learn to weigh up the importance. It was a very clear message against a few vague passages that could be a mistranslation. And that was when she understood that religion was not the cause of hate. There was hate exempt from religion, from atheists and from every other religion in the world, and she knew hate was wrong.

The whole way through the service, her phone buzzed in her pocket, on silent, but she would have been too embarrassed to take it out and switch it off, especially here in the front row where everyone could see her. She was well aware it was Alex texting, because who else sent this many messages? She rested her head on Angelica’s shoulder and watched Peggy and Cathy discretely having a thumb war.

After the service, her father had to be greeted by all the families, congratulating him on his recent success in congress, and they drove back.

Christmas day was intimate, but not just the family. Close friends came to visit; the Churches and the Van Rensselaers. They had an enormous tree in the front room, visible through the traditional Dutch windows, which was more sloppily decorated than most years with the older girls not having been there to put up the ornaments. Lunch was duck with just stuffing, vegetables and potatoes for Eliza. The pudding from the local bakery was the best part of it.

Unlike most people, they unwrapped presents in the afternoon. To add to what she had from her friends on the last day of school, she had many more, her favorite being either her new, fluffy dressing gown or her book of sheet music.

They went on a short walk through the forest. Her fingers went pink and felt like they would drop off at any minute, even inside their gloves, but it was nice to be somewhere so calm and quiet.

In the evening, Angelica, Eliza and Peggy took the bus out to town. There was a group gathered on a street corner, buckets standing on the pavement in front of them, while they sang and played instruments. They were raising money for a homeless children’s charity and Eliza decided when reading about their work in the paper that she wanted to be involved. Not everyone could be as happy as her this Christmas, which was why she would sacrifice some of her own time to help. Her keyboard was already set up for her, and she played the opening chords to All I Want for Christmas is You, while Peggy took the microphone. Peggy was a very good singer, even if she messed around with the riffs and held them much longer than needed. Angelica filmed the whole thing. With heavy buckets of spare change, Eliza ended Christmas feeling grateful.

 

* * *

 

“A little to the left,” Herc’s mother directed in her thick Irish accent. Herc, being the tallest in the family, adjusted the star at the top of the tree. It was late, so much later than when any of the other houses on their street had put theirs, but it was just Irish tradition for the actual celebrations to begin on Christmas Eve.

For the Mulligans, Christmas was familial, it was loud and fun and it knew no boundaries. Following in his family’s footsteps, he refused to get excited about Christmas until the night before, at which point he celebrated to the extreme. He would not embarrass himself to the degree that he would dress up but he put on a hand-knitted sweater with a tree pattern and they blasted Christmas tunes. His family went to the Murrays’ apartment which had been transformed into a bar for the night. Herc and his brother Hugh got started on the Bailey’s early, but finished early enough to not be completely out of it by the end of the night.

Christmas day was quite informal. They were at his aunt’s apartment in East Brooklyn and it seemed impossible they could cramp this many people into the kitchen. His mom’s three brothers and other sister came with their spouses and kids ranging in age from about thirty to five and some of the older cousins even had their own partners and children, as well as Herc’s widowed grandmother in her wheelchair, the family of Herc’s cousin Laura’s, boyfriend, a few of Hugh’s friends and his girlfriend, Tamsin who seemed overwhelmed by the whole event, and for some reason, the man who ran the betting store down the street whom his uncle was good friends with. Naturally, this meant enormous portions of everything, about three different Christmas hams required.

They played poker and then they watched the horse races. His parents were not exactly the best influence on him, he acknowledged. He was teased for not dating anyone yet about twenty times. Arriving back home, Herc hid in his room to watch Love Actually away from his parents, mocking him for “being such a girl.” On Instagram, he scrolled through the photos of people posing with their families in front of the tree. There was Tom, his siblings, parents and one set of frizzy-haired grandparents in front of a glittering tree that towered to the roof and seemed as if it might fall over with the weight of all the decorations and tinsel. Below was a post by Hannah, the girl who sat next to him in anthropology who had taken a monochromatic of her kissing her husband under the mistletoe. Most of his feed from then onwards was Laf, posing in front of that thing Herc did not know the name of that you put candles in for Chanukah, dressed in a tight-fitting Santa costume. And from Eliza’s account, there was a photo of multiple polaroids laid out on a desk. One of two little girls sitting on a mountain of torn wrapping paper, Peggy holding an uncooked turkey or possible duck up to her head, wearing an elf hat and Christmas pudding earrings, Eliza staring out of a window onto a white field, the entire family gathered around a tree. Then, there was Angelica. She lay in the snow, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open in a smile. He saw now that she was wearing one of the hats he had made her and that her arms had cut a path through the snow to make angel wings. Now she really was an angel.

The picture had five hundred likes which was typical as the people who watched her videos must follow her account. He wondered if she would post any videos throughout the holiday. He already had so many to catch up on, not that she could know that. He had to switch his phone off, disgusted by the first comment from Alex, which read ‘ _Who’s that beautiful girl in the middle_ ’ with lots of heart eye emojis following. As the final credits to the movie rolled up, he switched off his phone and his bedroom lights. Because of the movie, Herc ended Christmas feeling loving.

 

* * *

 

“Susanna better show up,” said Sarah. “What are the odds of that happening?”

“You know where she is?”

“Nah. You know what she’s like. Could be in Canada for all we know. I ain’t seen her since before you left. How’s it feel to be a college girl?” Maria’s older sister elbowed her.

“Harder than high school. More free time. Hell of a lot of parties.”

“You made friends?”

“Yeah.”

The pair linked arms and tried not to slip on the icy pavement. On one side of the street was the unisex hair salon, the pizza joint where all the kids met up after school, the drug store where Maria used to go for makeup. All were closed today. On the other was the basketball court, covered in illegible graffiti, where teenagers rode their bikes and skateboarded and smoked and did everything except for playing basketball. Sometimes in the summer, they held barbeques.

Maria’s parents had to all the time. Her mother rotated between three jobs; a cashier, a dishwasher in a restaurant and sometimes at weekends, she helped in the hair salon. Maria, Sarah and Susanna had occasionally sat in to watch her work. Her father was a taxi driver. Christmas was one of the busiest times of the year for that.

But they would have their Christmas lunch. Just not the way expected. Her parents did not have the time to cook, only being able to return home for a short break at two. Neither Maria nor her sister knew how to cook such a big meal so they were getting Chinese takeout.

On their way to the small restaurant, they passed Peter, Maria’s friend from high school, at the basketball court, painting the walls and Cristina and Dana stuck their heads out of their apartment window. “Look at you, girl who made it out. Come give ya auntie a kiss.” So she was the girl who made it out. That was her reputation around here. Plenty of people “made it out,” as Cristina said. Susanna was one example, though she had not left in the same sense Maria had.

Susanna was Maria’s older sister. She was twenty two and never stayed in one place for long. She preferred to stay away from people. Rarely, she came home, but when she did, she would stay for an hour or for weeks and be gone again in a flash. It was unpredictable, but it was what they had gotten used to. The last place she had stayed was Chicago.

They bought all they could with the thirty dollars they had: prawn crackers and spring rolls and egg-fried rice, a mixed vegetables dish, pork chow mein, dumplings and a sweet and sour soup. They arrived home before their parents and had time to set up the kitchen table with a pack of crackers they bought with the remaining money.

The family exchanged presents, one from each person so that everyone should have three. It was small things, little things that mattered. Maria had found the dress closest to the gold sequined one that Sarah had been admiring in the summer, but had not been able to afford. It was a much cheaper one, but looked exactly the same. She gave her dad an Indian-themed chess set, where the king and queen rode on elephants, because he loved to play chess and already had four sets. He marveled at it, insisting she needn’t have spent so much money on him. She gave her mom a book on different bird species. There was a small pair of binoculars to go with it. In return, Maria received a box of items from Lush including perfume, a facial scrub and various bath bombs from Sarah, a globe of star signs from her mom, and a book on the history of beauty from her dad. Finally, she presented her parents with a check for a hundred dollars.

“It’s what I made, selling lipstick.”

“Maria, this is yours.”

“Why do you think I’m doing this? I’ve got four years before I start my own life. I don’t need money yet.”

Her parents returned to work, and she knew she could not be bothered to do anything for the rest of the afternoon. She went to the bathroom and reached around in the bathroom cabinet until she found the packet of band aids and peeled the current one off her hand to replace it with a new one. The cut still stung but it was closer to white than red now. Simply staring at it, she could hear the smash of the mug breaking on the floor; feel the shards digging into her flesh.

Things were good. She had fewer presents than most but she was home and surrounded by her loved ones who were doing the best they could. It was pleasant, even without Susanna here. What she did not know was that though the family would not hear from Susanna on Christmas, they would on Boxing Day.

Maria ended Christmas feeling relieved.

 

* * *

 

James’ Christmas started with minimum celebrations. There was a bookstore out on the main street with tinsel wrapped around the sign and ‘Merry Christmas’ written on the window in powder to look like frost. It was always open on Christmas Eve and was always deserted.

The bell rang as he entered and the woman at the till wearing reindeer antlers greeted him. He picked out as many books as he could physically fit into his bag; old classics he had never gotten around to reading and new young adult fiction that for once sounded different to the usual white girl and her broody boyfriend leading a revolution in a dystopian world.

Back in his room, which had been preserved for him since Thanksgiving, he got a phone call from Dolley. It was around 8.50 pm. There appeared no reason for the conversation as she asked how his conversation was going so far. About ten minutes in, Dolley stopped talking.

“Dolley? Dolley? Are you there?”

He could hear her heavy breathing on the other end. Then, “December twenty fourth. Nine PM. Eastern standard time. From here on in, I shoot without a script. See if anything comes out of it instead of my old shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“James, it’s Rent.”

He thought. “That’s that musical you like.”

“That’s that musical everyone likes. It revolutionized musical theater.”

“You said that about Les Misérables when the book was much better.”

“Yeah, but it’s a rock musical. They’d never done a rock musical before but suddenly you have Spring Awakening, Rock of Ages, Next to Normal, you name it. Half the main characters are LGBT and more than half are people of color and it destigmatized HIV and AIDS. You should watch it.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Party. It’s at the house of the director of the orchestra my dad plays in. But I’m hiding in the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“My brother’s trying to set me up with people. And I don’t want to be because all his friends are stupid.”

James laughed.

“What should I do?”

“I don’t know. Were you enjoying the party?”

“I guess.”

“Then just go outside and enjoy it.”

“What if I see my brother?”

“Then you have two options. You suffer through meeting his friends or you tell him you don’t want to meet them.”

“Which would you do?”

“I probably wouldn’t be able to do the second one.”

It was her turn to laugh. “I guess I’ll try. And if any of his friends are nice, I’ll get their numbers… for _you_.”

James’ alarm woke him at five, on Christmas morning. There was no time for presents, or breakfast because he and his parents had to pile straight into the car to be at the hospital before Reuben woke up.

When they got there, he was propped up beneath the white sheets so that his head was almost vertical. With closed eyes, books strewn across the covers, his Nintendo on the bedside table and tangled in tubes. One attached to his finger, keeping track of his heart rate and another with a needle at the end going into his wrist.

The younger boy’s eyelids fluttered after about half an hour of them sitting there. James was reading a book when his brother’s face lit up at the sight of them.

“Merry Christmas,” his mom whispered.

Nurses brought a special hospital Christmas lunch through for each of them on paper plates. They had to wash their hands with an antibacterial gel before eating. The turkey was undercooked, the potatoes as well and the gravy like water. There were small crackers. James let Reuben win every time, so that he ended up wearing three paper crowns.

There were other children sitting in the ward with their families, who sang together. The overhead television played classic Christmas movies nonstop that were inaudible over all the chatter.

They were trying to make Reuben’s day as good as it could get, considering he was in hospital and had been for two months. Missing school time, missing family time, missing his own time in the period where he had been comatose. This was worse than what James had. It had escalated from a nasty stomach ache to an infection to internal bleeding to issues dissolving his food. His parents would carry on coming back, day after day. Missing out on work time was no problem for them. They had all the money they needed, in their own words. What was the problem was them refusing to listen to the doctors. The doctors warned there could be crippling effects of this illness, but they denied it. After all, they got their hands on the best treatment services in the city.

Departing, his parents promised they would be back for Reuben the next day. He was absorbed on his new Nintendo game. James ended Christmas feeling disheartened.

 

* * *

 

On the day John flew into the Charleston airport, he felt prison bars growing around him. He took a taxi home and was let in by their cleaner. His bedroom was bare. When he came back for Thanksgiving, all his sketchbooks and art sets were gone, some of his Star Wars figurines, his animal toy collections gone too, leaving only books and sports gear. They still had not been returned, which was what he expected, but it was still a great pain to stare at the empty desk and empty walls. He clenched his fists and knocked one roughly against the wall. A voice called to him from the landing.

“Jack? Come out here. Let me see you.”

John swallowed, drowning all his insolent responses. “Welcome home,” he whispered to himself.

A week later and John was helping Harry practice his batting in the back garden. He was going to try and get onto the team in January and with John having one of the highest batting averages on the team when he was Harry’s age, his influence could be good.

Fingers numb, he threw another which missed the bat by less than an inch.

“Aren’t you cold?”

John flicked back his curls and sang “the cold never bothered me anyway.”

“Ugh, shut up. Throw another.”

John did do this but swung his arm so hard that he slipped over backwards. His fall was cushioned by the snow settled on the grass. Before he could get back up, a snowball broke on his face, and Harry pummeled him with another.

“I’ll get you for that!” He scraped up a handful from around him and chased after his brother. When he caught him by the hood, he shoved it down inside his clothes and Harry squealed. Suddenly, his mom appeared at the back door in her best black dress and pearls.

“Boys. The food is ready. Come inside, now.”

John was seated next to Martha, who was seventeen, with Harry and Mary Eleanor on the other side. On the long end sat Henry Laurens, stone-faced in a suit with Elena, his wife at the other end. Their cook, brought around chestnut soup and poured glasses of wine.

“Mary Eleanor, put your phone away. We’re going to have a nice family meal. We’ll sit and talk.”

If John had known what was about to happen next, he would have encouraged all his siblings to get out his phones. Then again, he did know because this somehow managed to happen every year. Why must it always come up?

Firstly, his dad teased him about his girlfriend. Mattie was John’s only solace out here. Her family had not wanted her to go out and meet him too much because she had “plenty of time to see him at school.” Holidays were family time, but they had met up once or twice for drinking sessions and went to see Moana for the second time, together. Still, all the winks made him uncomfortable, but it was to be expected.

He became increasingly more aware of his sexuality over that meal as did he with his own beliefs. It was funny that in his house where these things were the most taboo, they were talked about so often and John felt that he was nothing but an object made of the things his father disapproved of.

“Of course, what’s she going to think about you with hair like that and all that art you get up to? Sends out the wrong idea. You be careful now, boy, I know teenage girls. They can be real sly. They’ll leave you for the first bodybuilder type that comes along. Now, Harry’s got some special little girlfriends, too. Always has them round to study. This one’s going to be a real lady’s man, I tell you.”

Then, he launched into a speech, as he always did, with no room for anyone else to interject. It had been a good year, he stated, despite all these impracticalities. Clearly, he had no idea about the jokes made that 2016 was the worst year in human existence. Over the turkey, came the talk on the Black Lives Matter movement. John chose to zone out by starting on the wine, which he wasn’t even a fan of.

He caught a few sentences as he desperately played each Star Wars theme in his head. “All lives matter.” “I think they’re making a big deal out of a load of nothing.” “Those people are so violent.” “I’m just saying, if they don’t want to be seen as a threat, why do they keep attacking the people trying to protect them?”

“People would be rude about the protestors though if they protested any way. They’d always say they were doing it wrong.” That was what he could have said. Instead, he just said, “I don’t think it’s right to say they’re all attacking the police.”

Henry laughed. “Is New York forcing more of that liberal nonsense into your head? You’d better watch out. All those kids like that get so offended by everything. It’s like talking to a bunch of babies. You don’t want to be like that, do you?” He was laughing but there was a warning there, something that chilled him to the bone. A kind of cold embarrassment that left you ashamed of yourself and horribly uncomfortable. He had always had that effect.

“Ellie, I think you’ve eaten enough.” Elena’s soothing tone and use of her pet name for her daughter could not hide her malicious intent, while Harry helped himself to his third portion of turkey. “Jack, that hair is very long. You really ought to cut it.”

“Anyway, boy, talk to us about school. They must be teaching you something.”

“Yeah. Um, I’m really enjoying my classes.”

“Made any new friends?” asked his mother.

“There was this guy he was talking to yesterday,” said Martha. “Wasn’t it Alex?”

“You’ve never mentioned his name before.” It was not like he talked much about his friends at all, or anything that happened in his life. His parents rarely inquired into it like they were now, and when they did, it was almost always about grades.

“He’s a freshman. He’s working on a um…paper, so he took a gap year. His adopted dad is a professor and knows…Laf and he introduced the two of us.”

“Laf? Is that the textiles major?” As he asked, his voice turned more solemn.

“No. They-he is a history major.” Misgendering his friend left a sour taste on John’s tongue.

“Ah, yes. The French one. It must be nice of this professor to adopt him. And he has a wife?”

“Yes. She’s called Martha.” He grinned at the eldest of his sisters as he said this.

“What happened to the boy’s real parents?”

“I, uh, don’t know,” John lied. He really did not want to have to get into that, what would be undisguised resentment of Alex’s background.

“Come on, you don’t know anything about your friends, do you? No wonder you don’t seem to have that many. Hey, don’t look upset, Jack, I’m only teasing.”

“The poor boy,” said John’s mom. “It must all be so confusing for him.”

“Steady there now, Elena. He must be our Jack’s age. I’m sure he can handle himself. Of course, it can be confusing in these cases. Nothing against those who adopt, but it must be such a sad life; knowing you can never be their true parent, no matter how hard you try. And there are cases where it is confusing for the child, like when a white family adopt a black child or when faggots adopt.”

John wanted to say something but at every word that popped into his head came pain like a slap, an open hand to the face, a belt being unbuckled. He bolted down the rest of his meal before he let any of that discontent out.

“May I be excused?” He raced up the stairs, taking two steps at a time until he was in his room and knocked his head against the mirror. He wished he was not here and when he felt like this, he had strange thoughts. He would stare at the window, think of the knife down in the kitchen or Elena’s sleeping pills in the bathroom. It was like the murder game where he was both the murderer and the victim. How exactly could he live when both he and his dad would not let him?

He reached around for his suitcase, which he had left partially unpacked and for the emergency bottle he kept in the front pocket and drank with no breaths until it trickled down his face. He stared in the mirror at his disheveled appearance. He thought of all the things that mattered to him. Animals and his favorite games, Star Wars and all the old rock bands he liked. His siblings, his friends; the things that kept him grounded.

Like many days, John ended Christmas feeling disorientated.

 

* * *

 

“Here you are, Theo.”  Her grandmother put the potatoes on the sullen young woman’s plate. “Tell me when to stop.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” she said, the first words she had uttered since the five women were seated at the table. Her grandmother invited over her two daughters and their families. Of course, their families were very small. Ann, Theo’s mom, had Theo, and Ann’s sister Stephanie, had her wife, Kate. In the past her mother’s bloodline had been noted for their beauty and both Ann and Stephanie had modeling careers at one point. The family were an unconventional sight in the middle of the suburbs, among the happily married husbands and wives with three children each.

Photos of Theo lined the mantelpiece. There was her at three on her first pony at the local riding center. Her winning a spelling bee at six. Her as a bridesmaid at Stephanie and Kate’s wedding at sixteen, her and Jacques on their way to prom at eighteen.

“Women in this family have never had much luck with men,” her grandmother reassured me. “Look at your mom. And your aunt.”

“Mom, not a good time,” said Ann.

“Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, I suppose. The best thing to do is not dwell on death. Surely you must’ve had your eye on someone in all those years?”

“I…it doesn’t matter.”

“Ah, so there is a man? Or a woman? You wouldn’t have to worry about me reacting badly. I’ve already lived through it with one daughter. Of course, I know it is a man.”

“It’s no one. I need some time to get over it, that’s all.”

“Really? Then who’s Aaron?”

“What?” Theo stood up.

“A parcel arrived from a little someone called Aaron last night. There were flowers as well. Orchids. They’re your favorite, aren’t they? I had to take a sneak peek.”

Her grandmother retrieved a gift from a drawer. Theo gave her a glare. She loved her grandmother but hated her forwardness, her inability to mind her own business.

Inside was an old, worn book. The Frankenstein Notebooks. It had original notes written for the story by Mary Shelley. It must have cost a fortune. There was also a collection of short gothic stories, written specifically by women. She had no idea what he thought he was achieving giving her all this. There was a card attached.

_Dear Theo,_

_I really hope you have a good Christmas, despite everything that’s happened. I know you don’t want to hear from me and I promise I won’t try to talk to you until you want me to and if you don’t want me to contact you ever again, I won’t. I just really wanted to give you something. I’m not asking for you back because I know we were never together in the first place. I love you, but I am willing to go on without you._

_Love Aaron xxx_

“So who is he?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t be with him.”

“Why not?”

“Just leave me alone!” she shouted across the table.

“Theo,” her mom begged her.

“No! It’s all I get with anyone. I either get all the people staring at me like they feel sorry for me or people like grandma who it’s all they talk about. It’s why I didn’t tell half my friends, because I can’t have normal conversations anymore! I already think about it enough! I don’t need constant reminding of everything! I just want…I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Theo abandoned her plate and slammed the front door. Under her arm, she carried the books. What was wrong with her? Theo ended her Christmas angry, confused and hating herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French translations:  
> “Merde!”="Shit!"  
> “Réveillez-vous, Alex! C’est Noël!”="Wake up, Alex! It's Christmas!"  
> “Va te faire foutre.”="Fuck off."  
> “Non. Nous devons nous levons. C’est Noël.”="No. We have to get up."  
> “Mais je ne veux pas me lever. Je veux dormir.”="But I don't want to get up. I want to sleep."  
> “Tu ne dors jamais. Pourquoi veux-tu dormir maintenant? Allons-y!”="You never sleep. Why do you want to sleep now? Let's go!"  
> I 100% took French exams I promise.  
> Also, Martha Washington looks like Mandy Gonzalez, I don't make the rules.  
> So yes, I hope everyone enjoyed. Prepare for more angst next week. Please correct if you notice any mistakes in my appalling French and you can message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	17. Love Doesn't Discriminate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kids, it's time for some angst. This chapter is a bit all over the place and there will be a bit where you might end up panicking but there's nothing to fear. I hope you all enjoy x

“Check it out, I made a business card!” said Peggy, and Eliza saw Angelica roll her eyes as she helped her hang her fairy lights back up on the wall. They had fallen down over Christmas Break.

“What do you need a business card for?” Dolley asked.

“She’s going to become a standup comedian,” Eliza answered for her. It had been all that her little sister talked about over the entire break, testing out jokes with some of her pranks incorporated into them. It was alright now if she wanted to start booking comedy gigs now because their parents were covering all their college fees and any other costs, but the way she talked about it, it sounded as if to be a comedian was her only idea of a job for the future. Eliza would hate to demoralize Peggy because she was funny but not funny enough to make it a career.

Peggy handed the card to Dolley who read it aloud. “Margarita ‘Peggy’ Schuyler. Lesbian comedian. Prankster. Student. Choker enthusiast?”

“You can take that either way,” Peggy explained to her.

Eliza had chosen to take it in the more vanilla way. After all, Peggy did wear chokers almost every day and it had become such a family joke to pretend Peggy was a child that it was impossible to imagine her fully grown sister doing anything remotely sexual.

“And then you have your phone number and email address.”

“Yeah. It’s great, isn’t it?”

“It’s unnecessary,” Angelica replied. “They don’t need to know you like pranks or about your fashion choices or…kinks. And you’re not doing favors for yourself by saying you’re a student.”

The girls were residing in Eliza’s room and had been all afternoon, not doing much other than assisting her in unpacking and catching up on what each of them had done. Eliza had gotten the chance to meet up with some of the others. She spent two days alone with Alex, one with Maria and one with her, Peggy, Angelica, Alex, Laf, Herc and Maria. These meet ups had been centered in Manhattan, indoors of course. They had mostly done what they usually did, even at school, lounge on a couch and watch Disney movies, but with Alex, Eliza had gone ice skating in Central Park. He had not been able to take three steps upright before falling over. With Maria, she had visited some of the biggest shopping high streets and they went to see La La Land together.

Dolley told everyone about how she wanted to learn to speak Italian as her family had gone to Rome for a week and seen two operas, which gave her a new passion. She still had not heard anything about the musical she auditioned for and had accepted she had not got the role.

“The bar where James works sometimes has comedians perform,” offered Maria. She was flopped down on Sally’s bed, shaking a snow globe of Eliza’s that she must have picked up from her desk. “I could ask for you.”

“Well, I need to work on my act a bit more. I would have been able to if Eliza hadn’t made me watch hetero nonsense featuring vampires and angels.”

“ _Shadowhunters_ ,” Eliza corrected her.

“A show with multiple make out scenes between a brother and sister. Meanwhile, the gay couple have only kissed once.”

“Read the books,” she insisted. “They’re not actually brother and sister. It was just a trick they played on them.”

“They still have a thing for each other while thinking they’re siblings. And I’m not reading those shitty books. Don’t you remember that train journey where you read aloud every sexist quote you found? There was something about one girl not liking having another girl around because it meant more competition for boys.”

“I see your point. The books are highly problematic, but the show is much better.”

“It sucks.”

“But it’s like enjoyable bad. You were getting into it.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You were. You didn’t have to watch with me but you watched all thirteen episodes.”

“Did someone just knock at the door?” At first, Eliza thought this was just a lie Peggy had come up with to get out of the argument, seeing as she had won, but then the knock came again, and Peggy went to get it

“Mattie! What’s up?”

Mattie did not answer. She had dyed her hair a little over the holidays but only with a few streaks of pink so it still retained the orange, yellow and green. She took a few steps past the door frame and reluctantly accepted Eliza’s hug, before looking back over her shoulders.

“John, come on!” she shouted, and a face, enveloped in a hood, showed itself in the doorway. Eliza had heard nothing from him since before Christmas itself. She had known going back to his family would be a stressful experience for him, but she had not realized how bad. His face was so pale that there was a stark contrast between his skin and the dark brown freckles, and she got a twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was not quite right; that something sinister was going on. The others sensed it and Angelica started forwards.

“What’s happened?” she asked him, and he took a step back. He looked tired as well, Eliza thought. More than just tired because he had to wake up early that one morning but as tired as Alex looked on a regular basis, yet the look was strangely alien on him. It may have just been her imagination but he seemed thinner as well.

Eliza cut in front of her sister and slowly reached out for his arms. “Okay, John, I’m going to get you something to drink.”

“I’m fine.”

“You need something.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alright. Now, can you just take your hood down?”

John’s surveyed all of them, the two eldest Schuyler sisters in front of him, Maria peering up at him from Sally’s bed, Peggy attempting to show her business card to a distracted Mattie and Dolley clutching her ukulele to her chest. He lifted his hands and brought the hood down to the nape of his neck. There was a collective gasp.

Someone had messily chopped off his hair. It now came down to around the level of this chin. With the unevenness, there was no chance this had been done at any kind of hair salon or barber’s. One might have thought he had done it himself in an impulsive moment, but Eliza knew that John would never do that himself. He had loved his hair so much. The curls were the same as the same as they had always been, but not as thick, nor as bouncy.

“Oh my God,” said Maria.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s nothing? It’s clearly not nothing, it’s clearly upset you.”

“Who did it? Need me to punch a bitch?” asked Peggy.

“It’s fine. It’s just hair. It will grow back,” the sentences came out dull, lacking any kind of emotion.

“Well, what happened?”

“My parents kept saying it was too long. And I wouldn’t go to get it cut, so my mom did it for me.”

“That’s not at all good,” said Angelica. “John, you should do something about this. Talk to someone with power. They could get in trouble.”

“No! You can’t talk to anyone. She was just doing it for me.”

“Was she?”

He could not elaborate any more on that. “Please don’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Even if he did talk to someone, no one could do anything about it,” said Eliza, remembering what she had learnt about various rules in parenting from her classes. “They didn’t physically hurt him, nor neglect him. No grounds for any legal intervention.”

“Eliza’s right. It really was nothing. I let her do it,” he quickly said.

“Why’d you look so upset then, Laurens?” Peggy came up close to him to ask.

He rubbed his eyes and gave a very wide yawn. “I’m tired, that’s it. Always feel like killing myself if I have to get up any time before nine. And it will grow back.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Eliza said, though Angelica was regarding him with suspicion. “You been back to your dorm yet?”

He shook his head.

“Well, I’m going to get you some tea and Herc’s probably baked something. We’ll help you carry your bags.”

Eliza connected the kettle to the plug point while Maria gave him one of her soft back massages. The two friends shared a smile. John had his head bent into his lap and was muttering. Eliza caught three words, repeated over and over. “It’s just hair. It’s just hair. It’s just hair.”

She would get him back to his dorm as soon as possible. Herc and Laf would have missed him too, just as they all had. And Alex would be just dying to see his best friend.

 

* * *

 

“I like it,” said Herc. “At least now, maybe you’ll bother to brush it, instead of leaving it like a bird’s nest.”

“Leave me alone, mom,” grinned John. He was much calmer now, having seen all of his friends. Alex had already been unpacked and in his friends’ dorm room when John and the girls had come in. He had seen the way John rushed over to his bed first, picking up the belongings he had left behind on his makeshift bedside table and clutching them to his chest.

“You look good with any haircut,” Alex told him.

“But the longer one gave us more enjoyment to see Hercules trying to make you brush it,” Laf finished for him. “And I heard if you wish for your hair to grow fast, it will.”

Herc scoffed. “Where did you hear that? Been going on psychic websites?”

“I’m just sad I can’t get Maria to give me any more cool hairstyles.”

“She can still do Eliza’s hair.” Eliza and Maria had stayed with them for a while and they played Mario Kart. Alex had been really disappointed that the highest position he came in any race was eighth. He was sure the game must have been out to get him because it seemed unfair that he drove into more banana peels than anyone else. Then, the girls had gone back to Maria’s room. They had plans, they said.

“It’s funny how those two are such close friends now,” Herc remarked. “Like, at the start of the year, Angelica was really close with Maria and she never stopped talking about how amazing she was and how much she wanted this girl to be a part of her sorority. And now, Eliza and Maria are like besties.”

“To be fair, there is a smaller age gap.” Eliza’s birthday was in August. She would have been a freshman along with Maria, had she been born just three weeks later. “And they both like photography and TV series for teenagers and everything.”

“Hey, maybe they’re secretly having an affair!”

“Yes, Herc, of course,” John said, sarcastically, cheering up so much more. “Because bi girls all cheat.”

“Maria Lewis, out to steal your girl,” chuckled Herc.

“She could steal me anytime. I would leave anyone for her, even if it were our dear petit lion.” Laf blew a kiss to him and Alex crossed his arms. For the next five minutes, they talked only about how in love they all were with Maria.

“We probably shouldn’t go talking about Maria and Eliza being together in front of her boyfriend,” Herc suddenly said.

“Why?”

“He might take it seriously. He seems a bit like the jealous type.”

“How do you know? None of us have ever even met him.”

“Yeah, but one time, it was just before Christmas break, he came round while I was with her and she made me leave.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” Alex suggested. This whole thing was getting too dark for him, mainly just the idea of Eliza cheating on him. He knew it was not true, just a joke, but thinking about it made him remember that time he had almost kissed someone else. He had forgotten over the break, especially with the much bigger event of his brother sending him a letter, but now, the guilt was coming back to haunt him. “What did everyone do over their break?”

“Alex, you are aware I was with you the whole time?” asked Laf.

“Yeah, I know. They kept trying to cook and set fire to the stove at least twice.”

“You’re kidding! That’s another person I need to add to my list of cooking lessons. Angelica already made me put Alex and Peggy on there!”

“They also went on a bunch of dates,” continued Alex.

“Oh my God, who with?” Herc clapped his hands together, his voice growing shrill. Coming out of his mouth, this was extremely odd. “I gotta put this on the group chat.”

“Hercules, let me be very clear that I am not currently seeing anyone. I am just enjoying casual dating and have met very many lovely young people on these dates. I must also maintain the image that I am too beautiful for anyone and like seeing people shocked that out of the four of us, it is the small one who is in the committed relationship.”

“ _Two_ small ones,” Alex corrected Laf. What did they mean? How could anyone have forgotten that John was dating Mattie? There was a questioning look from Herc to John.

“In a minute,” John whispered back to him. He approached Alex. “Did you just admit you’re small?”

“No! I didn’t! I was just saying that I _am_ the smallest one in this group, because those two are so unnaturally tall. But I’m not short. You know, I’m actually five foot nine which is average for men.”

“ _Actually,_ five ten is average for men,” Herc corrected him. “And there’s no way that you’re anything above five six or seven. I’ve taken Angelica’s measurements and she’s five nine and she towers over you.”

“She wears heels! I’ve had enough of everyone attacking me! Let’s play a game. And let me be player one this time!” John had been player one every time and had come in the top three in every race they did, even the rainbow road.

John was stiff, wringing his hands together. He glanced nervously at Herc who put his hand on his shoulder. “Well, there’s something I wanted to tell you first. And…I was going to try and text you over the break, but I thought it would be better face to face.” Alex panicked as all sorts of possibilities for what truth he may be about to disclose could be. Was he going to tell him he hated him and never wanted to see him again? He was a trained Russian assassin? An alien? He had decided to become a Republican? No, that one was ridiculous.

“Alex, I’m gay.” The shape his mouth contracted into to form the words made it look as if he were choking. For a minute, Alex didn’t hear him. It took a repetition to understand.

“You’re…How long have you two known?” he asked Herc and Laf.

“I told them about halfway through last year. Not many other people know.”

“But you’re dating Mattie?”

“No,” he denied. “It’s what we tell people. You could call her…well, you could say she’s my beard.”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret from the rest of us, though! None of us would have turned against you or anything.”

“Alex, I spent years repressed about this, terrified of my feelings and trying to pretend they didn’t exist! I still find it so hard to admit it to anyone, even the people I trust, even myself. My dad, he’s in government. He’s one of the biggest supporters of conversion therapy. If he found out, which would happen somehow if too many people knew, that could happen to me! And I can’t deal with that. I hate this part of myself enough already.” He turned his face away, and Alex knew he was crying. He did not want him to see. “I don’t want you to look at me like some kind of freak.”

“Why would I?” Alex asked, and realized how loudly he was talking, practically shouting. He was angry, but not at John. He had no reason to be angry with him. He was angry at this society that forced him to side this part of his identity. “It’s not like you’re the only not straight person in the room. In fact, I think all of us are.” Laf was very openly pansexual and genderfluid. Alex had never been completely sure about Herc because he mostly mentioned attraction to girls but had talked about boys, too.

“Yeah, I am,” Herc responded to Alex’s querying glance. “Don’t really label it.”

“It’s called bestiality,” John said, but there was no humor in his tone this time. He shook as he made the joke.

“No, I just mean, I’ll fall in love with whoever I fall in love with. Wouldn’t have really considered dating guys until meeting this lot but that was mainly because I hadn’t ever thought about it.”

“It’s not the…gay thing you’d judge me for. Just because I’m a coward and I lied to you when I said I was straight.”

“You don’t need to worry about your dad sending you to conversion therapy though! You’re an adult! You’re not legally under his control!”

“He’s one of the most powerful people out there. He can do what he wants. If he found out…he’d never let me see my brother and sisters. I’d have to drop out of school. He’s making me work to pay off some of my loans but he is covering a huge amount of it. He’d just withdraw it, like that. He almost found out once, when I was sixteen, messaging this boy on the Internet who I sort of had a crush on. He read through the emails. I managed to convince him we were just friends, but he’s still suspicious to this day. Alex, you have to understand, I can’t date boys openly, can’t kiss them where anyone would see.” Was there some disguised message there, Alex wondered. Was he apologizing for the party in October, the haunting moment when he had rejected him? “I’ll never be truly free, not to do any of that. Because of what’s wrong with me.”

“Laurens, your dad is wrong! There is nothing wrong with you! How could you think that when you’re surrounded by so many friends just like you? Is there something wrong with me or with Eliza or Laf and Herc?”

“No, there’s not. I have no problem with…other people. They’re perfect and everything. I just don’t want to be.”

“That’s hypocritical, though! Laurens, you—” He managed to stop himself in the middle of the sentence. It had not been his intention to attack him but it sounded very much right now like he was. He had to acknowledge how hard this whole process was for John. He must sound so selfish. In his head, he had even been thinking about why John had turned him down if he were gay, as if his explanation of why he could not come out did not make perfect sense. He may not have even liked him back. Just because he was gay, it did not mean he fell in love with every boy he met. That was much more of a thing Alex did and very few others did the same. “Sorry. Couldn’t you speak to your mom?”

He shook his head. “She wouldn’t be alright with it. Don’t go spreading this around. Please? There are lots of people here who know my family in South Carolina. That Seabury guy, his family worship my dad for ‘fighting for the old values that made America great.’ I can’t let that happen.”

“I won’t spread it. But…can I tell Eliza?”

John considered, wiping tears from his red eyes with his sleeves. “She _should_ know. I don’t think I’d be able to tell her so maybe it’s best if you can for me.” He sobbed and sat down on the couch.

Alex dived in beside him and pulled him close. He had never been the best at giving hugs, but he did what he could, pulling his friend into him and stroking his hair. This was what Eliza did when Alex was stressed about something or angry, and it seemed to work. “I got you. We’re here for you, you know. We’ll always be here.”

“Forever, bro,” Herc interposed. “Even when I’ve graduated, we’ll still talk. And these two losers can take care of you.”

“I’m fine,” John said, with a smile, warming up to their affection. “Who’s up for another round of Mario Kart?”

 

* * *

 

Clutching Alex’s shirt in her right hand, she fumbled with her left to find the door handle. Never locking her bedroom door was a habit Eliza had failed to grow out of, but it didn’t really matter. She kept valuables in her room, she knew, her laptop and her electric keyboard, but she took her camera with her almost everywhere. It would be a disaster if she were to lose her camera, lose all those memories of special moments with her friends, but there was no risk of that happening. Additionally, not locking the door was good for moments like these when she and Alex needed to get into the bedroom quickly and the few moments needed to turn away from her boyfriend’s face and twist the key in the lock would kill all the built up passion. As her hand slid off the handle once more, she laughed against Alex’s mouth and kissed him again.

The party had been a complete waste of time. Alex had made a fuss about going because the fraternity it was taking place at was the fraternity Jefferson belonged to. Herc had made everyone come along, saying how fun they always were, and he was on drinks duty which perked everyone up a little. His drinks always were good. Peggy was excused because she was on her period and had terrible cramps and had not been able to finish her explanation before Herc covered his ears, abhorred. Eliza had a cocktail that had been specially designed for her and tasted like cherry. As for the rest of the party guests though, it was a group of typical frat boys in letterman jackets, stumbling about and attempting to hit on every girl they could find while speaking like they were in a trance. It seemed the partying had begun hours before they had even arrived and it was more than just cocktails. Herc was enjoying himself, but Angelica went home and Eliza and Alex decided the best thing to do was for them to sneak off and actually have some fun.

Eventually, the door gave way and Eliza walked backwards, pulling him in along with her. Sally was not in; she never was anymore. She was a very sporty girl, Peggy had informed to Eliza, and took part in almost all the sport-involved activities, though she had only seen her at softball. She was a fast runner, winning medals for the university. She had even earned herself the nickname ‘the Bullet’ in the few months she had been here.

Alex unbuttoned his green shirt that he wore to every smart event, and Eliza rummaged through her drawers. She found the unopened packet of condoms and tossed him one, before yanking her hair elastic out and her hair fell down in a messy, brown curtain.

She approached him, reaching around the back of his head and taking his hair down from its ponytail. He caressed her hands, running his fingers over her scar, the one from the milk crate in second grade. Once, he questioned her on how she got the mark, very soon after they started dating, and she explained to him of her rebellious early years: second grade and there being two other classes for her age group. Her class despised one of the other classes and during recess, she had the idea that they should climb in through the window and destroy their classroom. Her friends made a stack out of milk crates which were a part of the playground for some reason. Eliza was the only one who dared to climb the tower, and in doing so, had fallen and cut her hand open on one of the spikes.

They steered each other to the bed, Eliza turning him so he sat down first and then lay on the mattress. She lowered herself onto his chest and pulled the blanket up so it came to the level of their shoulders. They kissed again, her back arching and him unzipping her dress. She clumsily kicked it away onto the floor. He cupped her ribcage. It seemed almost instinctive for he had found the exact spot of her butterfly tattoo. As she hastened to undo her bra, she felt him suddenly freeze beneath him.

“Wait, stop! I can’t.”

“What?” Her hands fell away from her shoulders and she rolled off him to lie in the bed beside him.

“I need to tell you about something that happened a few days ago.”

“Really? Now?”

“Elizaaa,” he groaned.

“Alright, go on.”

“It’s just that John came out to me as gay.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“You don’t sound surprised.”

“I’m not, really,” this fact did surprise her. “I never thought he might be, but now you say so, it seems kind of obvious.”

“Obvious how?”

“Well, every time I made a joke about him being the only straight friend or called him an ally, he looked sort of uncomfortable. There were times when he said he wanted to tell me something and then said it didn’t matter. Is he alright with you telling me this?”

“Yeah,” Alex replied, defensively. “He wanted me to because he said he didn’t think he could bring himself to.”

“So Mattie is his cover?”

“Yeah. You know about his dad?”

“Yes, I know about his dad. It must be horrible for him. But we’re going to support him, right the way through this? Isn’t that right?” she asked, pointedly, and gripped Alex’s hand.

“Eliza, I think we need to break up.”

It seemed as if her brain were melting, all of its systems going into shut down mode. “What?”

“I like him. I’ve never stopped liking him since that party. I’m sorry.”

She could not believe this was happening to her. It was the heartbreak of the Russian boy again, the one she pretended to everyone, even herself, that she hadn’t cared about when she found out he had a girlfriend, when secretly, for a minute, she had a strong desire to set him on fire, burn him and all his belongings. It had been an overreaction and she had relaxed afterwards, but the memory still hurt. And here it was, history repeating itself.

All those times he told her how much she meant to him, that time on the first date when he reassured her she would be the only one for him: a lie. Even Angelica fell for his lie when she came to her and told her about the deep conversation she had just had with Alex and how he had confessed how much Eliza meant to him.

“So all these three months, you felt nothing for me?” she raged. “I was a distraction?”

“No, you weren’t. Eliza, I do have feelings for you. You’re one of the only things I’ve thought about all these three months. I have a problem, though. I feel towards him like I feel to you. I thought I didn’t but all the feelings came back at Angelica’s march. I almost kissed him but I just tried to forget it because he was straight and I knew I was being stupid. But now he tells me he isn’t and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“You don’t want to fuck what up?” she shouted at him.

“What I had with you. I’m worried I’ll break your heart or something because I care about him, too. I’ve always done this in every single relationship I’ve been in. Nothing was ever long term because I was dating people and I liked them, but I liked other people at the same time. And I always get really strong crushes but on loads of different people, so I know there’s something wrong about it—”

“Wait, Alex, stop.” She lowered her voice. “You’re-you’re saying you care about me and that you always have? That this hasn’t been fake?”

“Yes, I do. I love you, even. But I can’t—”

“Okay. And you like John at the same time? And you’ve liked lots of people at the same time, wanted to be with all of them at the same time?”

“Yes. I know, it’s stupid, it’s greedy, it’s cheating—”

“It’s polyamory.”

“Polygamy?”

“No. They’re not the same thing in any way. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it. Here, I’ve got some notes on it. I was going to do a video about it.” She found her navy blue cardigan from where it was curled up at the end of her bed, and wrapped it around half-dressed body. She took her laptop from her desk and was just typing in the password when she heard a scuffling noise. She darted her head around, but the only one there was Alex, sitting up now with his head in his hands.

“Here. The practice of having more than one romantic or sexual relationship at the same time with all partners knowing and consenting. There are lots of types. There’s open relationships where you might have one serious partner but sleep with other people and always tell the serious partner. There’s triads, where it could be three people in a relationship, all dating each other. There’s ones where maybe one person is dating a bunch of people and none of the others are dating each other but they have good platonic relationships. It’s not cheating. But the general idea is that polyamorous people are attracted to multiple people at once. It’s not just, ‘oh that person’s hot and so is that person’ but actually wanting to be with them.”

“Do you think that’s what I am?”

“I’m not going to try and tell you your sexuality.”

“It...sounds a lot like me. And this is normal?”

“I mean, it’s not widely known about in society. I was always supporting of the idea but it didn’t sound like me. I’m too monogamous for that. That’s when you only want a serious relationship with one person.”

“If this is normal, does that mean I can still date you, and date other people?”

Eliza thought, thought about how it said in scripture that a relationship, a marriage, was between one man and one woman. She knew that was wrong already. She had dated girls so she was not sticking to that rule. She felt like a bad person though, being even the slightest bit uncomfortable with the idea of Alex being with anyone else. It was his happiness, not hers.

“You need time to figure this whole thing out, get comfortable with it and know what you want. I’ll help you, I’ll be with you on that journey.”

“You’re dealing with this so well. Eliza, you’re so calm about this. A minute ago, it looked like you were going to kill me. But, how do you feel, about the whole thing, if I am…that thing?”

“Polyamorous? Well, it’s who you are, and I can’t change it. I have this feeling, this fear that I’m sort of second best. Like you prefer John, or if you do get in more relationships in the future, that I’ll be second to that person. After all, you met John and liked him long before me.”

“It’s not like that. I don’t think I prefer either of you, but if I did, it would be you because first I’ve had this emotional connection with you for months, all this that we’ve had. Also, John is a piece of shit.”

“Don’t be so rude about him. You know you love him,” she teased. “Just like you _love_ me.”

“Did I just say I love you?”

“Yes, you did. I’m holding it against you for the rest of your life. In fact, I’m getting it down in writing.”

“Why should you? Why should a man not be able to show how much he loves his girlfriend? I’m proud of it.” He stood up on the bed. “I love you. I love you, Eliza. Everyone, I love Elizabeth Schuyler and I’m not ashamed of it.”

“Oh, sit down and stop embarrassing me. People will hear.” She dragged him back into the bed by the arm and kissed his forehead before poking him hard on the cheek. “You’re such a dork.”

He lay down on the bed again and she lay down beside him so they were face to face. She ran her thumb up and down his nose.

“I don’t want to make you sad about this, about me and him.”

She shrugged. “I’ll deal with it. I want you to be happy. I’m already happy having you, having my friends, with my life. I love John. Honestly, having you is enough. And I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

Peggy told a lot of lies. ‘White lies’ was the common name for them. They were lies that hurt nobody, lies done for good. For example, it was a white lie that she hated Shadowhunters. After watching about two episodes of the first season with Eliza, she had been hooked, but Eliza couldn’t know that. No one could know she liked a bad Netflix series with bad acting and bad special effects. That was one white lie she had told recently.

As she sat down to watch the penultimate episode again – the wedding – she thought about another white lie. This was one she had told months ago and broken a day ago, though could it really be considered a white lie if it had been a promise she had not known whether she would break?

She had promised that if she wanted to break into Eliza’s room, she would ask, but who had the time and energy for that? It was incredibly difficult if you couldn’t get hold of her to ask and if it were an emergency.

It was not technically breaking in. The door was unlocked as it mostly was with Eliza and almost every other student at this college. On the occasion that Eliza did lock it, she could pick the lock anyway. Eliza stored tubs and tubs of ice cream in the mini freezer she had, which happened to be Peggy’s comfort food. Her cramps had been a bit too much to deal with and she really needed some ice cream, so there was no harm in going the one floor to Eliza’s dorm and taking just one tub.

Finding a whole tub of banana flavor completely unopened was the most delighted she had felt since 2016 ended at last. Then, she heard sighing and giggling outside the door and someone moving the handle upwards and downwards, and she had flown under Eliza’s bed, just as she heard Alex and Eliza come into the room. Then, she felt someone’s weight pressing on top of her and she realized with dread that she might have to listen to her sister having sex, and she covered her ears and pondered why this had to happen to her of all people.

Suddenly, the bed stopped shaking and there was talking. Peggy could not help but listen.

She heard it. She heard it all. John was gay. Alex had feelings for him. Alex almost broke up with Eliza. Eliza figured out that Alex was polyamorous but that was unimportant because there was so much gossip to get out of this.

As soon as they had fallen asleep, by which point Peggy had spent an hour or so hidden under that bed, she ran straight back to her own room.

It was in the morning that she went round telling people. When she told Angelica, Angelica just looked at her as if she were stupid.

“You had no idea?” she had asked. “Peggy, sometimes I question your intelligence. Anyway, it’s obvious John likes Alex as well. Honestly, typical Alex, trying to break up with Eliza over something so small. I hope she’s okay.”

With this new piece of news, she ran to Lafayette and Herc, who seemed a bit annoyed that Peggy knew but were interested when they heard John having a crush on Alex.

“The little bastards didn’t tell me about any of this,” Herc had complained.

“That’s because they don’t want their mother getting involved in their love lives,” Laf had laughed.

“Well, we have to find a way to get those two to admit their feelings for each other. We just need an opportunity.”

Peggy sat back smugly, watching the kiss scene at the end of the episode. It was one of her favorite kiss scenes in TV history, but she could never let Eliza know that. She was quite proud of herself, of her skills. Breaking Eliza’s trust like that, well, it would benefit everyone. Eliza would be happy, John would be happy, Alex would be happy, all their friends would be happy, and most importantly, Peggy would be happy. If she were a spy, she would be an amazing one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Alex is a bit of an idiot. For those of you who are shadowhunters fans, sorry for the mockery. I'm actually a really big fan of the show but I just enjoy making fun of it and it seemed like the type of thing Eliza would watch. And for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, apologies.  
> Next week, we're in for a big one. It's the very first chapter I wrote and it's very exciting. I'm not going to say much but it is based off another musical (is it in the heights? 100%) Please leave feedback and you can message me @ninasfireescape on tumblr. Until next week x


	18. We Are Powerless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok very big chapter this week. Who's ready?  
> Any in the heights fans, from reading the chapter title, you know exactly what's going to happen here. Hopefully no one will be disappointed so I hope you all enjoy it! x

Darkness was a mystery; it just wasn’t a good type of mystery. It was not a whodunit, like in the Sherlock Holmes stories he read from his family library back in the Caribbean. It was not like an episode of How to Get Away with Murder. In the dark, there was suffering too terrible to name. Suffering that was unimaginable. Alex knew that suffering all too well.

It was dark beneath the waves.

He was six, paddling in the warm Nevis sea on an evening in late August. He had his older brother, Jamie, at his side, and his friend, Mia, a few feet behind him. On the beach, his mother laughed and smiled, waving to her sons and talking with Mia’s mother. Her hair which was as inky black as Alex’s blew back in the wind.

 Alex had wanted to swim out further. Jamie was eight and responsible and warned them not to. But Alex persisted and he managed to persuade Mia to take the risk with him. They were just out of their depth when the current locked them in its embrace.

Jamie and Alex’s mom came to his rescue, releasing him from the water’s grip. He could not see; the salt was stinging his eyes and had gone up through his nostrils and mouth. He could not see Mia. They found her body on the shore the next day.

It was dark when her heartbeat stopped.

Rachel Faucette had always been a strong woman, which was why it was so strange to see her pale and fragile. She had lost so much weight in the months since she first got the infection, and so had the boys in worrying about her. Jamie went out to work and Alex stayed to look after her. He was only eleven.

She was hot and her fever was only rising. Even with the lamp switched on, the room was mainly black. Alex went to call for an ambulance but it was too late. Rachel Faucette passed away at 1.02am on February 19th.

It was dark when the gunshot sounded.

He was twelve and had been living with his cousin for fifteen months. He had known something was wrong. After being laid off, there were financial troubles aplenty. Alex’s cousin had needed food for three more mouths; along with the two children taken into his care, his girlfriend had recently birthed him a child.

His behaviour became erratic. He would snap at Alex, shout harmful words of what a waste of space he was and Alex believed him. Why should he not? Since his arrival, his cousin was under more pressure and was frequently late into the office so perhaps if he had not come into his care, the man would have been thought of as a better employee. Perhaps, when the time came to make some workers redundant, he would not have been on that list.

He could never remember whether he had been sleeping or not but it did not matter for the bang in the night awoke the whole street. It was Alex who found the body first; his cousin draped across the couch, his mangled face unrecognisable. He could recall screaming; the baby, the girlfriend and his own. He stepped in the blood which turned his bare feet crimson, leaving tracks where he walked, and that was when he knew death would follow him wherever he journeyed.

It was dark in the eye of the hurricane.

Hidden away inside the grocery store his mother used to own, where he had been living alone and under the radar for nearly three years. There was quiet, for just a moment. Through the windows, he saw a yellow sky. No one had been prepared; it was unexpected. The sky turned black as clouds swept across the horizon and Christiansted was struck with disaster.

Waves as tall as mountains swept cars aside and pulled fleeing tourists under. Buildings were flooded and pavements were cracked. After the power cut out, he knew the water would soon reach him, so he ran to higher ground.

That day, he saved three. Three lives saved in exchange for the three that he had taken.  It was not enough. Nothing could ever take away the devastation he had caused. But that hurricane did lead to some kind of happiness. The world fell in love with the poor little bastard, orphan, for his bravery and his incredible account he had written of his experience in the hurricane. With the money his mother had left in her will and the money the public sponsored him with, he had enough to book passage on a ship that was New York bound. It was a brand new start for him. Yet, he still feared the dark.

Alex had a nightlight. This annoyed Burr so much that he had started wearing an eye mask when he went to bed. Alex had to be able to see, though. He just had to.

The nightlight was out. One second, he had been lying back, trying to plan out the next chapter of his story in detail, while blankly staring at Burr’s umbrella, the next; he could not see a thing.

His chest seized up and his breathing quickened as it always did. Then he tried to make it regular once again like he had learnt in therapy. He was not good at following people’s advice and his heart was still beating far too fast.

 _Reasonable explanation. If circumstances worry you, make you feel anxious, search for a reasonable explanation._ His therapist’s words echoed in his skull. This advice was mostly applicable when he was worried people he thought of as friends hated him, or when he heard a noise in the night and was convinced something dreadful was about to happen.

Reasonable explanations were not something Alex specialised in. His mind favored dramatic, unrealistic explanations with no foundation.

The lightbulb must have blown, that was all. That was plausible. A power cut was another likely option.

“Nothing bad is going to happen, Alex. Go back to sleep,” he whispered to himself. His mind would not listen.

He reached for where he thought the bedside table was and moved his hand back and forth in search of his phone. He would need to use its torch. His fingers knocked into the side of the plastic casing and he heard it clatter down on the wooden floor, though just where, he could not be sure.

“Burr? Burr!”

Burr grunted and shifted in his bed. “What do you want, Alexander?” he yawned. It was relieving to have someone else with him here, even if it was only Burr.

Before Alex could answer him, there came a knock at the door.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re awake.”

“Alex?” was the muffled response.

“Eliza?”

“And Peggy!” Peggy chimed in, presumably at Eliza’s side.

“Sorry, I couldn’t see and forgot this was your door. There’s been a power cut.”

Alex sighed deeply with relief.

“We’re all evacuating!” shouted Peggy. “Leave now or die,” she added in a deeper, more sinister voice. Then she carried on, brightly, “See you outside!”

Alex was down on his hands and knees and still scuffling for his phone, blood pumping audible in his ears. He could not bear to be in the dark any longer.

“Burr, can you use the torch on your phone?”

“Sorry, my phone doesn’t have a torch.”

“Dammit Burr!” he practically screamed.

“I have some candles under my bed.” The mattress creaked and there was some rustling before he declared, “Found them.” Meanwhile, Alex was still searching for his phone.

The air in front of Burr’s face was momentarily illuminated as he struck a match. Then, he began to scream.

 

* * *

 

John was blind. Someone was shining light straight into his eyes. He blinked and pressed a hand across his face.

“Finally. I was shouting for ages.” Peggy sat on his bed in yellow pajama bottoms patterned with bananas, yellow slippers and a yellow t-shirt that said “ _Love_ ”. She held a flashlight in her right hand.

“Peggy, get off! Why are you in here?”

“Because she has no respect for privacy,” Lafayette answered, from where they stood to John’s right. They were putting on their glasses and standing around in their shark onesie.

“Nice to see what you all sleep in. Also great to see that Mulligan sleeps shirtless.” She giggled at this and Herc looked up from where he was pulling on sneakers. “Angelica says we have to evacuate because there’s been a power cut and it’s all over campus and she wants Mulligan to help her out in the shower block. Also, Hamilton is terrified of the dark and Burr set himself on fire, see you in a few minutes, bye.” Peggy was smug as she skipped away because she knew she had their attention.

“What?”

“Is Alex okay?”

Herc shook John’s shoulder. “Dude, Burr’s on fire. How’d it happen?”

She spun around. “He thought candles would work better if you put some that powder you use in fireworks in the wax and you can guess what happened.”

Herc shook his head while laughing. There was more light in the room now that the three friends had their phones in addition to Peggy’s flashlight.

“How did he even buy fireworks? There must be restrictions or something.”

“You Americans can buy guns. I don’t see why it’s any different.”

A few minutes later, they were prepared to go. While dressing, they had fun discussing that this would be a good practice for if there were ever a fire in the student block and what things they would choose to save. With that in mind, John shoved his sketchbook, his turtle wood carving, some photographs he had of his family and friends, his wallet and his _Star Wars_ action figures into a rucksack.

Lafayette raced to the bathroom and came back with a can of hairspray. “This cost half my savings. I won’t let it burn.”

“And you can use it to put out the fire,” Herc offered.

“No, Hercules,” they said, gravely. “This will only make the fire spread.” They also packed their English dictionary, American history textbook and the two furbies they first purchased when they came to America.

“No. Don’t bring those.”

“Sorry, _mom_ ,” they said, completely ignoring Hercules’ advice. There was a time when the toys would talk in the middle of the night and it would take a long process of removing their batteries before they would shut up.

The three of them split up. Herc headed off in the direction of the shower block while John and Lafayette followed the corridor towards where the stairs to the ground floor should be.

“So, petit tortue, you still have a crush on Alex, yes?”

“Laf, shut up.”

“I am not blind, John. You did not care that Burr was on fire.”

“Well, he'll be fine. They can take him to hospital but they can't do that for Alex.”

“You like Alex, yet you turned him down. That was not a clever decision.”

John looked affronted. “How did you know about that?”

“I have a source. I’ll give you a clue. They are small, they are funny and they wear a lot of yellow.”

“Peggy. But how did she…” The thought someone else had found out terrified him. Perhaps it had been Alex who told her, or Eliza after Alex told her. Somehow, he did not think it was either of them. “Yes, I like him, alright? But he has Eliza now, he won’t want me.”

“I hear differently.”

“Besides, she’s far better for him than I could ever be.” This was the only way he could explain it. John Laurens was not one for words. He did not have Alex’s verbal capacity. He could not make a speech when he was angry or sad, and he was too restricted to write pages whenever he had bursts of emotions, like the letters Alex wrote to him. “And even if he did want to date me, my dad would find out somehow, and then there’d be hell.”

“Is this why you have been drinking so much?”

It was not. It was not at all. It was only during this semester that Laf had noticed, not because they were not perceptive; even Herc who was meant to be amazing at finding out others’ secrets had not picked up on it. The drinking had been going on for much longer, to the point where his small frame could handle more alcohol than his two larger friends. But maybe it was best to lie and tell Lafayette that he had been drinking because he was lovesick over Alexander Hamilton. Then maybe they would be less worried and they would not tell Herc.

“Yeah.” John turned around and started walking backwards. He shone his phone light on the wall and made a shape with his fingers. “Look, a turtle.”

“John watch out for the—”

John toppled over backwards and fell down the stairs.

 

* * *

  

“Hello?” Angelica called, as her flashlight swept over the white tiles. She had stepped in a puddle of what she hoped was water, making her way through this set of showers.  Hercules had gone off in the opposite directions for the shower block was a large area, way too small to be searched by one person alone. She had to make sure that every single person had vacated the building before she could be allowed to leave herself. She had recruited her sisters to go round knocking on people’s doors, and now had Herc as her assistant, but it would still take a good hour to get the job done.

There was a noise, shuffling, a crash and some breathing up ahead, in one of the showers. Someone was in here with her.

“Hey!” she shouted, but there was no answer. Then, there was some moaning.

 _Great. I’ve got to be the one to clear out the horny couple,_ she thought and sighed, shaking back her black curls.

Her light caught on two tall, dark figures inside a shower cubicle. One was pushed up against the wall while the other stood in the middle of the space. Their lips were locked together and their hands were all over each other. They froze as they noticed her.

“Shit,” the short-haired one said, and the one with big, frizzy hair turned to face her.

“Schuyler.”

“James. Thomas. I don’t know if you’ve heard. There’s been a power cut.” She was cold with them, mainly addressing Jefferson.

“Right. Of course. Can’t believe I missed that.” Jefferson flashed her a gleaming grin with pearly white teeth, and buckled his pants back up, then pulled on his coat. He looked her up and down, at her face which was taut with rage. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Schuyler.” As he exited, his heavy footsteps resonated through the darkness, and Angelica was left alone with James.

“Do you have no self-respect?”

“Angelica…” He covered his mouth with his hand so he could cough and pulled his pants up from his ankles.

“What?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips. She knew she was being harsh with him. “You know he doesn’t care? You know this is just him using you because he can’t get it on with me or whatever other girl he’s been obsessing over who sensibly turned him down?” James was close to tears.

“I can’t believe you could be that vain. Maybe Thomas was right. Maybe you are jealous.”

“Jealous? James, that man stalked me for months! He waited outside my classes, he followed me into work and home, he sent me pictures of things I really didn’t want to see, just because he couldn’t take no for an answer. Tell me what there is to be jealous of.”

“I—”

“You don’t mean anything to him! To him you’re just some life-sized sex toy! Something for him to get off to!”

James shuddered and grabbed his sweater from where it hung over the cubicle walls. Tears running down his smooth cheeks, he ran from her, and she realized what she had done.

“James! James, wait!” She stumbled after him. When Angelica was angry, she was a force to be reckoned with. That was what Eliza always said. And she had made people cry before, and usually she revelled in it, but hurting her friend like this was not what she had wanted to do.

She almost crashed straight into Herc who was coming round the corner with his flashlight guiding him.

“Angelica!”

“Hercules! Did you see James Madison come through here?”

“Yeah, yeah. The poor guy seemed upset.” He glimpsed Angelica’s cheeks as they burnt red. “Angelica, what did you do?”

“Caught him and Jefferson fucking.”

“Shit, man. That’s…those two?”

“I had suspicions. Didn’t think they’d gone that far. I could imagine James having some kind of crush on him, though.”

“You seeing them still beats having to pull Burr from the showers screaming and naked.”

“Yeah you still win that. But I said some shit and, well, you saw the result. I get it, I need to stop being so harsh.” She wrapped her arms around Herc. “I didn’t want to hurt him. I was just looking out for my friend.”

“Look out for your friend in a nicer way, next time.”

“Thanks for that, mom.”

“Aw man! Is that catching on?”

“Uh huh. Wouldn’t you prefer that to horsefucker?” Her phone buzzed in her hand. It was a text from a number her phone did not recognise.

“Who is it?” Hercules asked.

“Electrician. I had to call the company. One of the perks of being president of the university’s biggest sorority.” She slid down to read. “Huh.”

“What?”

Angelica looked straight at him. “They found out the reason the power went out; they were in the generator and someone cut through the wires.”

 

* * *

 

“Peggy! I don’t think we should still be in here,” Dolley called out to Peggy as Peggy, holding hands with Mattie, ran on ahead. They were still in the student living block, even though almost everyone had vacated. All that could be heard were Peggy and Mattie’s giggles and Dolley’s cries.

“It’s fun. If anyone left their doors open, we can see what secrets they’re keeping. I’m breaking into Burr’s room and seeing if he has any porn!”

“Peggy, no!”

“Come on, Dolley. Lighten up a bit. Aren’t theater kids meant to be the fun ones or something?” asked Mattie. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt with a printed test tube surrounded by pink love hearts, and plaid pants. Her hair, which she had dip-dyed pink earlier in the week, looked stunning.

“I guess it is kind of cool. It’s like in this musical I like where everyone’s in the club at the end of act one and a fight breaks out and then all the lights go out and—”

Mattie hushed Dolley. “Someone’s up ahead.”

“What?”

“Sshhh.” She put a finger to her lips and ducked behind a wall, beckoning for Peggy and Dolley to follow. Peggy peered around the corner, to see three figures coming ever closer towards them. They were all dressed in hoodies. She would have just assumed they were students if it was not for one of them having wielding a baseball bat and another of them carrying what looked like a small knife.

She pressed the button on her flashlight, putting the three teens into complete darkness.

“You sure everyone’s gone?” one of the intruders asked another.

“Saw them all lining up outside. Anyone still in here will clear out soon. College kids, huh? Reckon we could snatch some of their shit while Lee finds Washington?”

“They won’t miss much,” the third man agreed. He reached for the handle of the nearest door. The intruders themselves had dim flashlights so even without the light of her own flashlight, Peggy could still see what they were doing. One of them inserted something into the lock of nearest door and gave it a twist. The door to the room burst open: Eliza’s room. Why did she not lock her door?

“Mattie, Dolley,” she whispered as soon as all three people had gone through the door. “Get back outside. Call the cops and tell them what’s going on.”

“Peggy, what are you going to do?” Dolley asked.

“I’m not sure,” he grinned. “But I’m not having them taking my sister’s shit.”

“Peggy, please don’t do anything dangerous.”

“Dolley, come on. We’ve got to go.” Mattie brushed Peggy’s hand. “Be safe.”

Peggy waited until her friends were well out of the way, and then darted right into the corridor, just outside the room. She raced up and down, making footsteps as loud as she could, and sure enough, the thieves were drawn straight towards her.

Two white guys about the age of twenty five. One of the men held Eliza’s camera that she used to shoot some of her videos. That camera was precious to her. Then, there was a woman who was a little older than them, with short, blonde hair. The woman held her knife to Peggy’s neck, digging right into the skin yet somehow not hard enough to draw blood. The blade was cool and metal, and Peggy wanted to cry. She was terrified, but she held herself calm and dignified. She would just have to pretend she was Angelica or Eliza who took shit from no one.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just came to grab some things from my room.” It was a lie and a feeble one at that. There were people waiting around outside to make sure no one re-entered. These thieves could have come in through the back. She tried something different. “I called the cops half an hour ago. They should be here any minute now.” This time, she was not quivering and the partial truth to her statement made it sound more real. The woman’s face grew paler and worry lines appeared on her forehead.

“Shit!” she yelled, and turned to one of the others. Her minute of hesitation was enough to pull away from her grip and knock the device from the other thief’s hand. Her skills from baseball when she was younger came in handy here and she caught it easily before it could smash on the floor. Then she ran, slamming Eliza’s bedroom door shut as she went.

Something whizzed past her ear. It was so close that she heard the rush of air around it. The object, whatever it had been, hit the wall and lodged in there. She did not have time to check, but she suspected it was the woman’s knife. If she had been just an inch to the left, she could have been dead.

 

* * *

 

“Elizabeth Schuyler, I swear, if we get out of this alive, I’m carrying you straight back up those stairs and we’re going to my bedroom, and—“

“Alex,” Eliza laughed. “Shut up. Peggy could be still lurking around.”

“Peggy’s nineteen.”

“No, Peggy’s nine.”

“I’m sure she has some first-hand knowledge in this area.”

“Alexander Hamilton! Do not talk about my baby sister like that!”

“I’m sorry; it’s just my big mouth. Maybe, you should make me shut up.” He clasped Eliza’s hands and she pulled him towards her until there were mere inches between their lips.

“You’re terrible at this, you know.” Then she kissed him. Her lips were still smooth and sweet, even without her lip gloss on, and her black hair stroked his chin. Her scent was of berries, and of home.

Eliza moved a finger up in between their faces. “You need to shave. Your stubble is all itchy.”

“I’m actually thinking of growing a goatee.”

“Do that and I’ll murder you.”

“I doubt you could do that, Eliza.”

“Hey, I could totally murder you.”

“How?”

“Set you on fire. I have a whole candle collection so with a bit of help from Burr, we could burn you until there’s nothing left.”

Eliza led him further on. They were on the ground floor of the student living block. Nearby should be the entrance to the stairwell, and beside that the entrance to the building itself, where all other students and overnight professors would be lined up. “You’re shivering,” she told him. “You really are afraid of the dark.”

“Yeah. Also, I’m cold.” He gave her what he hoped was a cute, pleading look, letting her know he wanted to wear her cardigan. Months ago, John had said this face made him look like an adorable lion cub, which lead to the coining of his nickname.

“I don’t control the weather,” Eliza replied.

“You don’t? But you’re a goddess. What powers _do_ you have?”

“I can’t tell you that. Superman taught you should never give too much away.”

“How?”

“Have you never seen the original Superman?”

“No, sorry. But John and Herc made me a list of all the ones I need to watch, so I’ll just add that to it. When I have time, of course, what with the stupid assignments I’ve been given from stupid professors and having to deal with stupid Jefferson and—”

“Hey, remember, we discussed this. Calm.”

“Yes, you’re right. The world is beautiful and everything in it is beautiful. Except for Jefferson.”

“You’re getting there,” she commented.

They pushed open the door to the stairwell together. Someone lay at the bottom of the stairs while a shadowy figure with hair in a ponytail sat over them.

“Oh, finally, I knew someone should come,” the sitting person said in a very familiar accent and turned around to face them. “Ah, Alex and Eliza. John fell down the stairs.”

“What?” Alex leaned forward, past Lafayette, to see that it was indeed his friend and crush who lay curled up there. His green eyes were open, his freckles standing out more than ever with all three of their lights shining down on him.

“Il est conscient, mais il dit qu’il est étourdi et il ne se lève pas.”

“Alex,” John stirred. He had on the tie-dye t-shirt Alex had bought him that day in the marketplace and denim shorts he must have put on before leaving his room, as Alex knew from the evenings spent round at their place that John always slept in boxers. The shorts showed off the well-defined muscles in his toned, brown legs which were as freckled as his face and neck.

John rose to his feet.

“Now he can stand,” murmured Lafayette, who had chosen to revert back to English so that John and Eliza would be able to understand all of what they were saying as well.

“We’ll give you two some privacy,” said Eliza, and grabbed Lafayette’s arm. Lafayette resisted, but the Schuyler sisters’ rage was infamous, as seen through Angelica, and they likely did not want to be on the receiving end of it.

John and Alex stood face to face. That small distance seemed like miles. This was a reprisal of all the almosts: the party, Angelica’s march. Every time the two of them had been alone together, including when they worked at the store together. Alex could not help but wonder if this time would be any different and if this too would be an almost.

“Alex–you were scared–the dark.”

“Laurens, you fell down the stairs. You should probably see—“

Alex was cut off as John placed one hand on his back and slid his lips over Alex’s.

He angled his head to the side, and moved, urgent, hurried, but somehow that made it so much better. Alex could taste his haste breaths, he was anxious, but Alex found himself lovingly reciprocating. He cupped John’s cheek and as they broke away from each other, they rested their foreheads against each other, and John laughed like a child. His laughter was infectious and Alex joined in as well.

John smelt of Hercules’ white chocolate chip and raspberry cookies and of fresh grass cuttings. His tongue was mint, laced with just a touch of the beer he loved to drink. His lips were chapped and dry, but he was much gentler than Eliza. His hands were larger and rougher than hers, but felt just as natural when wrapped around his waist. Despite all the differences, he loved kissing both of them equally.

“Alex,” John breathed.

“My dear Laurens.”

“Finally!” Peggy was halfway up the stairs, leaning over to the side as she clutched a stitch in her side. She was out of breath, like she had just been running, and was covered in sweat.

“Peggy.”

Eliza and Lafayette had come back into the stairwell and both of them looked proud as they looked at where Alex and John still gripped each other as if holding on for dear life.

“Eliza, he…” Peggy was lost for words. “Did you see?”

“Yes, Peggy, I saw. How about you mind your own business?”

Peggy stuck her tongue out and walked down to Lafayette, whom she gave a high five to, like they had been planning this all along.

“Now why have you been running? And why do you have my camera?”

Peggy stared at her hands. “Oh yeah. Thieves–caused power cut–tried to break into your room–got rid of them–tried to kill me.”

“What?”

“I said there were thieves!” Peggy growled. “They tried to break into Eliza’s room but I scared them away and one of them threw a knife at me. It missed.”

“Peggy, are you sure you’re not making this up? Or you imagined it?”

“Do you think I’d make this up? Mattie and Dolley already called the cops but there were people and they were upstairs and they tried to break into your room and they threw a knife at me, but it missed!”

“Right, we’re getting you outside. Come on, Peg.” Eliza reached around her sister’s shoulder to help her along, and Peggy pushed her away.

“I’m not a child. I can walk on my own.” Peggy made for the door and Eliza trailed behind her. She mouthed a “sorry” to Alex as she went.

“We should probably go after them,” Alex said to John. He pecked him quickly on the lips. John was almost surprised. He flinched backwards, not afraid, just startled, as if he still could not believe that Alexander Hamilton was kissing him. It was funny because Alex had been feeling the exact same way as John initiated the first one.

“That was beautiful,” commented Lafayette. Both boys had forgotten they were still there, watching them. “Romance, it is a gift of life. So, petit lion, are you going to tell us what happened to Burr? Peggy told us he was on fire?”

“Well, he said he was going to light a candle, then his sleeve caught fire and he started screaming and running around the room, and I did the first thing I could think of, which was throwing my blanket over him. He had his arms out and the other sleeve had caught fire so he looked like Icarus. It worked, and he started rolling around on the floor, saying that he was dying.”

“You may not like him, Alex, but you must admit that you and Burr are both very dramatic.” They turned to look at John. “You are too. Pretending you could not stand up until Alex came to help you? It was very extra.”

“An ambulance is coming for him. His burns didn’t seem that bad.”

“His Burr-ns,” Lafayette said. All of them laughed before heading to the exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope everyone enjoyed that especially the big moment at the end! The thing with Burr setting himself on fire is a true story: he tried to light a candle with gunpowder. Peggy having a knife thrown at her is based off a true story where she had an axe thrown at her head which I won't go into too much detail to explain but it's on her wikipedia page.  
> Most of Alex's backstory is based off the real story including the date his mother died but I did add in the extra detail about a childhood friend dying because I love suffering :)  
> Now I have a rough idea for how I want the story to go from here and which characters will end up together but I'd like to know which relationships people are enjoying or would like to see more of and which pairing you might like to see. Please leave feedback and remember you can all message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	19. Negotiate A Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome can to another chapter with a terrible title. Basically it's called this because some messes from earlier chapters are finally sorted out. I already posted this chapter yesterday but there was a glitch so I had to delete it. Anyway I hope you're still enjoying the story x

When light filtered in through the blinds of room 51, Alex awoke tangled in the sheets of his bed with John and Eliza.

Burr had been escorted to the hospital, still complaining about the pain he was suffering. This meant there was more space in Alex’s room for others and, as Eliza reminded him once they were allowed back inside, he had promised her that if they got out of this alive, he would take her straight up to his bedroom. That was just Eliza’s cheeky side showing through.

There was no fixing the power problem any time before the morning, everyone was informed, so they would have to make do for now. They were instructed to bring flashlights and lanterns back to their rooms when they were finally given permission to go back inside.

With Lafayette and Peggy egging him on, John had agreed to go to Alex’s room with him and Eliza. On arriving back, an exhausted Alex had taken one look around at all the chaos that had been created by Burr’s brief time as Icarus, then flopped straight back onto his bed, squashing John who had just taken a moment to sit down, and had fallen asleep straight away.

It was rare that Alex slept past sunrise. He always had so much on his plate, so much to think about. His nights were always plagued with images of his family, his lost mother, his far away brother, his absent father who was God knows where. The more tragedy he faced, the more difficulty he had sleeping. Then, he always worried about so much, making it impossible for him to just relax and drift off for even a few hours.

Alex was pretty much lying on top of John, though he had somewhat untangled himself. Their cheeks were touching and Alex knitted his fingers through one of his chocolate curls. Their ankles grazed against each other, and John, being the tallest of the trio, had his toes sticking out at the end of the blanket. Alex shifted his leg slightly and could feel the fine hairs of John’s thigh moving beneath him.

As for Eliza, her right arm was exaggeratedly thrown across his chest and her rosy lips were parted as she faced in his direction. Her other arm hung limply off the mattress, because it was hard to have enough room when there were three sharing a single bed.

He closed his eyes and dreamed blissful daydreams. For once, he was not worried about homework assignments or replaying clips from his past that took place years before. There were only two people on his mind right now. John. Eliza. John and Eliza. Eliza and John. Alex, John, Eliza. The three of them together. Of course, this state was only temporary.

Some time passed, though how long he did not know. He had not slept, but he had not been entirely aware of his surroundings either. John and Eliza now knelt together at the foot of the bed, staring out of the window. Their arms were wrapped around each other, and Alex noticed that Eliza’s shoulders were bare. Instead, John had on her dark blue cardigan. Both of them laughed, synchronised.

“–that cute scrunched up face he makes when he’s angry,” John said.

“Usually he does that when he’s ranting about Jefferson.”

“Oh God, he does that with you, too?”

“At least three times a day.” Both of them chuckled again. “Listen, John, I like you and I know you like Alex. And he likes you.”

“I don’t really understand what this is. How you’re so calm about everything that happened, but I’m really sorry if I’m ruining your relationship. I didn’t want to.”

“You’re not. Alex told me already. And I’m not bothered by it. Look, there are some things you need to know.”

“Eliza, why is John wearing your cardigan?” Alex sat up from bed, far too fast and then lay straight back down.

“And he’s awake,” John declared.

“Alex, we should probably tell you…I’m breaking up with you. I’m leaving you for John instead. He’s my new boyfriend.” Eliza grabbed John’s hand and sat back, smugly. “He accepts that I could murder him, unlike you. Isn’t that right, John?”

“Yeah. Eliza’s like the embodiment of looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you.”

“Also, my clothes look better on him.”

“I can’t believe you two would betray me like this!” Alex wailed.

“Eliza, what was it you were going to tell me?” John asked.

Alex found himself overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings. Suddenly, he blurted it all out. “I like both of you a lot and I want to date you both and—“

“Breathe,” Eliza reminded him. “Okay, so John, Alex and I are still dating. We think – Alex thinks – he might be polyamorous.”

“So that means you want to date more than one person?”

“Wow, you got the definition in one go. I’ve discussed it with Alex already. Alex, go ahead. Say what you need to say.” She nudged him.

“Right.” He knelt in front of John and mimed proposing to him. “John Laurens, will you be my boyfriend?”

John hesitated, staring into the empty palm of his hand. “I…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Eliza repeated.

“Kissing you where no one could see was one thing. I wasn’t even planning on doing anything. I liked you, Alex. Like you and have done since I met you. But I wasn’t going to act on it, not even right before I fell down the stairs.”

“Let me guess; falling down the stairs gave you an epiphany on the fragility of life so you came up with a bucket list and kissing me was at the top of the list?”

John swallowed and narrowed his eyes. “No…That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“Alex, that’s what you’d do..”

“I could die tomorrow. You never know. I need a bucket list.”

“I don’t think I can be your boyfriend,” John carried on. “It sounds so dumb, but I’m scared of people finding out."

"No, it's fine," said Eliza.

"I told myself I wouldn’t date anyone yet, and everyone still thinks I’m dating Mattie. I can’t ruin this whole thing for her.” Alex noticed he was heavily sweating, explaining himself. “I want to be your boyfriend, I do. If I’m going to do this, I need to do it on the down low.”

“Then be his boyfriend on the down low,” Eliza told him. “Alex and I can go on and do all the couple things and make it seem as if everything is the same between us when we have a secret poly relationship going on.”

“So we’re all dating?” asked John.

“Well, us two could be dating _platonically_ ,” she giggled. “And on the down low. We kind of have that sort of platonic thing going on already. Are we all okay with this?”

Both boys nodded.

“I have an idea,” said John. “We could have a team name. Team Laurens-Schuyler-Hamilton.”

 “Why is my name last?”

“Sounds better that way.”

Alex scowled. “Fine.”

“I like it,” said Eliza.

“And you’re completely alright with this, Eliza?” John asked her.

She sighed. “I actually am. I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed because I didn’t think you guys would get together so quickly. The way Alex was talking about it, he thought he had no chance of ever being with you. You know he tried to break up with me when he realized he liked you as well?”

“Alex,” John said, accusingly.

“We’ll get used to it. We’ll get through it, the three of us, Team Laurens-Schuyler-Hamilton,” Eliza assured them. A kind Social Work student, an artistic Biology student and an angry triple major. Black eyes, green eyes and brown eyes. Three college students, barely adults, struggling with the traditional concept of love. “I grew up with four sisters. My parents were always telling us to share things. With all that preparation, I know that sharing is easy.”

 

* * *

 

“Can you describe your attackers for us?”

Peggy rolled her eyes. This was not the first police officer she had been asked this question by. In fact, it was the third. She was sleep deprived and fed up, having been made to wait in the office all night long. Dolley and Mattie stayed with her and she had fallen asleep on Mattie’s shoulder with Dolley across her lap, while rolled up in a shock blanket.

No one believed her at first about the attackers, calling her a selfish little girl for trying to play pranks in the middle of such a horrible situation. What her teachers told the police about her as a student matched up to this explanation. But when one officer went to investigate the hall and found the knife embedded in the wall and Professor Washington was found knocked out in his own office; that was when things became serious.

The professor was with them now, also wearing a blanket. There was a blue lump the size of an egg on his temple and his wife was at his side. Peggy had seen her around a few times before, a woman with impossibly curly brown hair and full lips, currently twisted into a frown.

Mattie held Peggy’s hand as she answered the question and the detective moved onto Washington. The three girls stared while pretending not to be watching.

“He should go into theater. He has such expressive eyebrows,” Dolley commented.

“I was working late in my office,” he recounted. “And someone came in and I turned to see who it was and that’s the last thing I remember. I woke up and I was locked in and some of my possessions were gone.”

“Do you think it was done by a friend of one of the people who attacked you?” Mattie whispered to Peggy.

“I think I heard one of them mention something about Professor Washington. Something like one of their friends would deal with him.”

“But who would want to hurt Professor Washington? He’s never done anything wrong!” Dolley exclaimed, and Washington heard. He smiled at her.

“Thank you, Miss Payne, though that is certainly not true.”

A phone started to ring and from the fact that the ringtone was the Cell Block Tango from Chicago, it was obvious whose phone it was. Dolley said she had to take the call outside and Peggy was left leaning on Mattie’s shoulder.

“This is one college experience for the books,” Mattie laughed, the joke stale.

“Decades from now, you’ll tell your kids the story of last night, and I’ll be there, Aunt Peggy, as the heroine of the story.”

“Well, I don’t think anyone else has had quite so much drama because of a blackout before.”

“I don’t know, Hamilton and Laurens had quite a wild night.”

“Really? What happened?”

“That information is classified,” she said in a robotic voice.

“Peggy.”

“Don’t worry, Manning, I’m sure your _boyfriend_ will tell you soon.” She ruffled Mattie’s hair.

“Why did you do that? Say ‘boyfriend’ like that?”

“I can’t discuss it with you. Laurens will have to do that. Let’s just say I know a thing or two I’m not supposed to.”

“Peggy!”

“Guys!” Dolley burst back into the room, twirling round and around in her pumps. “I got the role!”

"Dolley! That's amazing!" The two friends began to shriek, no doubt irritating the tired officers as they hugged her, lifting her off her feet.

"Yeah, I'm in the main cast. She's only a minor role but I can make the most of it."

"What will you do about class?"

"I'm going to move downtown after Easter and come into school to do finals. Rehearsing begins in April so I'll drop out of school once finals are all over."

"You have  _got_ to get us tickets to opening night. And let us come backstage."

The girls continued to hug, but Peggy kept an ear open to the discussion taking place behind her.

"You have to help me find that file! It's really important," Washington was saying.

"We'll do everything we can."

This sounded like an interesting mystery.

 

* * *

 

Aaron flicked through the channels with his unscathed arm. Nothing good was on the hospital television, and it was impossible to view it anyway with it hanging at such an angle over his head. He hated blackouts.

Nurses came in and out, tutting at him. What kind of person managed to set their own clothes on fire? Another nurse came in now and there was that eye roll, directed at the bandage on his other arm.

“Someone wants to see you.”

“Who is it?” There was no one he could think of whom it could be; he did not know many people well enough to have them want to visit him. Perhaps James or Dolley or Alexander and his group of friends, coming to tease him or apologize for not having been able to do more to stop the fire. That would be nice. He smirked at the thought.

“A young woman. Um, Theodosia Bartow.”

His heart skipped a beat. “She’s here to see me?”

“Yes. Should I tell her now isn’t a good time?”

“No, no. Uh, send her in.”

The nurse traipsed away and precisely four minutes later, came back with Theo. It had been months since he had seen her last, at least properly. Of course, he spotted her on campus sometimes. These encounters would result in either one of them running away.

“Hey,” she said.

“What are you doing here?”

“I figured you couldn’t be alone. And it must be boring being here for hours, so I brought some things to watch. Cult movies. I have Fight Club and Heathers and I know I said movies but I also brought the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And I brought chamomile tea. It’s meant to be relaxing.”

“Teaodosia,” he said, bringing back the joke from their first date.

“Yeah, except I don’t know a thing about tea. I actually texted Eliza and asked because she’s obsessed with tea. Is it true what they’re saying? That you set yourself on fire because you added firework powder to the wax of a candle?”

“Who told you?”

“Everyone knows. You could have killed yourself.”

“I know. I’ve already had the lecture,” he said, annoyed. He was about to fold his arms but the minute movement of the affected wrist resulted in a wince and him relaxing back into the bed. “How was your Christmas?” he asked her.

“It was…not the best.”

“Uh, why?”

“I mean, okay, it should have been good. I was back at home with my mom and we went to my grandmother’s on Christmas which is what we do every year. I just hated the way they all looked at me. Here, only you and Angelica know what happened to Jacques but everybody knew there and kept looking at me all weird or even trying to talk to me about it. And, yes, I got your present.”

“And?” asked Aaron, hopefully.

“I was angry at first, and I wanted to throw something, but that was probably just because of my grandmother who read the letter first. Then I realized there’s no reason to be angry with you. You were just caught in the middle of this whole thing and didn’t mean for any of it to happen. You gave me space which was what I needed.”

He thought quickly back to when he had been posting those Snapchats, trying to make her feel sorry for him. That had quickly turned around and after his talk with James in the park, he had been ready to move on with his life. He had just wanted her to read one last apology.

“So I went to see his parents and I told them that I’d been planning on breaking up with him. I told them about you. They seemed quite upset but it was all I could do. Then, I went to the cemetery and talked to him and said the same, hoping his spirit would hear me. And then, I heard about what happened to you and how upset I was reminded myself of everything we had.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be with me.”

“I didn’t. But I did at the start. I mean, why else would I have gone for you?”

“You were bored?”

“That is a good suggestion. I guess it was partly true. Look, Aaron, cheating on Jacques with you was bad. It still would have been even if he had lived and I’m sorry for all of that. It doesn’t change the fact that I want to be with you. I think time was good for us, but I want to start over, getting to know you all over again. If that’s what you want?”

“Theo, I…that sounds like a good idea.”

She beamed and got into the bed beside him. There was plenty of room for both of them. “Why don’t we start that by watching a movie or alternatively, an incredible TV series? Which do you want to watch?”

“Heathers.”

“Excellent choice.”

 

* * *

 

“What is becoming of the world?” Thomas asked as he stared at the television screen. James wondered if the question was directed at him or simply rhetorical. They were watching the setup for the inauguration, the thousands of news stations from all over the world directed at Washington D.C. “That man gives a bad name to the Republican party.”

“It’s scary what the world is coming to.”

“He’s clearly insane. At least he won’t go through with any of it.”

“Let’s hope.”

Thomas rolled over in the bed, his mouth opening in what looked like a silent roar as he yawned. It was so lucky they all had the day off classes today with the events of the night before. Every single person on campus must be exhausted.

“What do you want to do today?”

“We could go to the library?”

“Ugh, Mads, come on, don’t be _boring_.”

“You’re really childish when you’re sleepy,” James said with a smile and turned his back to him.

“We could just stay in bed all day. I have some wine in the fridge. It’ll be nice.” He leaned into the back of his neck and just lay there. It was a tempting offer. Yet, James could not forget what Angelica had said to him in the showers. “A life-sized sex toy.” Was that really all he saw him as?

James turned back to towards him. It was nice and cosy, here under all their layers of blankets, just the TV and them.

“That sounds nice.”

Someone knocked on the door. It was Thomas on the side of the bed closest to the door, so he got up to answer it, wearing nothing but a loose pair of pants he usually wore to sleep in.

“Schuyler,” said Thomas, with surprise, to their visitor. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

“Save your breath,” James heard Angelica’s voice say in return, though she was obscured from view. “I’m not here for you.” Then, she pushed her way past him, sweeping into the room with all the power of a thunder storm, to confront James.

It was somewhat embarrassing, her walking in on him in this state. Like Thomas, he had on only his underwear – boxers and a sports bra. His doctor had said as of recently he should try to alternate days between wearing and not wearing a binder as it could be bad for his chest worn so frequently, especially for someone like him with such delicate health. He also restricted himself from wearing it on days like these, when he was not going anywhere.

“I need to have a word with you outside.” She waited, covering her eyes as he put on a shirt, sweater and jeans.

Out in the corridor, boys peeked out from behind doors, whispering to their roommates. It was strange that so many of them were watching, like all the brothers had a mental link, alerted when just one of them saw a girl enter the house. It was rare they did have girls come round, other than for parties.

“Ooooooh,” one boy said in a shrill voice.

“Get in there, Madison,” said another from the other end of the hall. He knew neither of their names.

“Oh, go away,” Angelica told them all with a glare that included every unwanted viewer and almost all faces vanished. She looked around for somewhere they could go away from prying eyes and turned to face a cleaning cupboard. Being dragged inside with no lights switched on, it was almost as bad as it had been the night before, but with day seeping in from the crack under the door, he could just distinguish Angelica’s face from the mops and buckets.

“So,” she began. “Last night was rough, huh?” He was unsure what to say back to that. She huffed. “Sorry for what I said last night. We were all tired and we all said things we didn’t mean. Alright, I said things I didn’t mean. I can’t presume to know anything about whatever kind of relationship you two have.”

Still, James did not say anything.

“You’re making this very difficult for me. You don’t have to tell me. I just need you to think over your relationship. I don’t know, maybe this was literally just a one-time friends with benefits thing where you two were so overwhelmed by the excitement of the blackout that you ended up doing it. But I know you and I think whatever you feel something for him.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I want to help you because you’re my friend, and I don’t want you to get hurt. And, it turns out that the girl who is on both the ace and aro spectrum is very good at sorting out other people’s relationships. You have no idea how much drama I’ve been caught up in since the beginning of last semester. Just take some time to think, think it all through, and then do whatever you think is best for you.”

As James thought, everything came rushing back. He was spiraling in time back to the very first instance he met the person who became his best friend.

“Thanks, Angelica. I’ll think some more about it.”

“Good. Remember, whatever is best for _you_.”

After leaving the cupboard, Angelica took off down the stairs. She said she had somewhere else to be, she had a lot to deal with after all that had happened the night before, and James thought over his recollected memories as he made his way back to his room.

About two and a half years ago, when James had been just a freshman, he got it into his head that he was going to be in a fraternity. In the present, he found it impossible to understand what had been going through his younger brain that led to that decision. James had never liked being around too many people, being friends with too many people, loud noises or any of that. He suspected he had wanted to join as some reinforcement of him being able to adjust to a new life, for both him and his parents, who had doubted if he would be ready to start college while having just transitioned. It had been a bad idea, and he would have moved back to the default dorms at the end of the year if not for Thomas.

The president at the time – James could not remember his name for the life of him – had put him in a room with a boy a year older than him. He said it was because they were both Southern boys so they should have gotten on well together, but James soon discovered the reason he had been made Thomas’ roommate was because none of the others could stand the smell of his cologne.

They had bonded pretty quickly, Thomas liking the much smaller and studious boy and agreeing to take him under his wing, helping him get in the right social circles, as he put it. This had sounded like a nightmare at the start, but it actually had been quite fun, what the two of them had done together. Once, they broke into the school kitchens in the middle of the night for no reason other than to steal four bottles of wine and stuff their pockets full of dry rice which they threw away the next day. Thomas did not actually have many close friends and though he tried to appear cool and sophisticated, he was actually quite the teacher’s pet. He still had luck when it came to getting people romantically interested in him, but tended to just have one night stands. James had never really had anyone notice him like that. Though he did not usually like being noticed, it did hurt when he always saw Thomas going off with other people. It took him a while to realize that this was not just jealousy out of need for a relationship but jealousy over a specific person.

James had come out to him about two months into their time shared as roommates. They had been lying in their separate beds one night and he could not recall what the conversation had been about but somehow it had come to that. He expected something like disgust out of this friend who came from a very traditional, rich, southern family, or at the very least, him feeling uncomfortable. But Thomas had been completely accepting, even if it had taken a while to explain that saying “you’re actually a girl,” was incorrect which had been his first response. Thomas had not told anyone since that day, not as far as he knew, and always watched out for him, reminding him to take his hormones and to take off his binder after having worn it for too long. He cared.

Their first encounter had been at the start of James sophomore year. It had been part of some drunken, whimsical urge they had both given into, a kind of loneliness. Nothing like that happened for many more months, but after another encounter in early January, they had become more and more frequent, and James began to understand his feelings. The thing was, Thomas got inside his head; he made him believe that he wanted him, only to run off with someone else later that night, only using James when hung up on someone else. There had been a time when he was aware he was being tricked, but for the most part, he was content to go on believing that Thomas cared for him as strongly as he cared for him.

“Bon appétit.” As James flung open the door, Thomas was there, holding out a tray of French bread, spreads and fruits. No one could make a full breakfast that fast  so this was clearly just warmed up food from the fridge. “What did she want?”

“I volunteered to help out with Black History Month. It’s in February. She wanted to run over the details with me.” As it happened, most of this was true.

“Hmm, sounds good. Don’t see why she had to come here just to talk to you about it, but maybe I’ll come to one of the sessions.”

They shared out the bread and rested on the bed, eating the fruit from a bowl with two spoons as they watched another news story about the inauguration.

“You seem to have changed about Angelica,” James remarked.

“Well, I just don’t feel like I like her anymore.”

James stared at him for a long time. “You don’t?”

“I don’t think I did for very long. Could’ve been all over by September. I was just being persistent and…alright, if I have to admit it, I was being stubborn. She’s hot, anyone can see that, and she acts like she hates me, which is usually what girls do when they’re secretly in love with you.”

“You’ve been reading too many bad romance novels.”

“Mads, you can see there’s something different about her from all the others. Sure, it’s nice to have a girl who’s devoted, but that can get clingy and annoying. She’s different because she’s independent and strong, and she’d leave you alone when you need it.”

“I think you have the wrong idea about Angelica. Also, I think you need to stop stereotyping girls.”

Thomas chortled and put his arm around James, meeting his eye now. “Besides, I think I like somebody else.”

For a minute, James thought that this was it, it was really happening. It could not have been more obvious, and it would have been if this were a movie, this would be the moment when he would confess his love. After all, here they were, lying half-dressed in bed together, sharing food. They looked exactly like a couple. They had slept together on numerous occasions, and all the analysis he had made in the last few minutes faded for the brief few seconds it took for Thomas to give a name.

“Maria Cosway. She’s an art student. And Italian as well. She’s married, married really young, but they’re getting a divorce. And she’s been sending me signals.”

“Oh.”

“What’s the matter? You don’t like her?”

He did not know her. He summoned the courage he required to ask the question. “Thomas, what are we?”

Thomas got up to put their tray away. “Look who sounds like a needy girlfriend on a sitcom. We’ve been roommates for how many years? You’re my best friend, obviously. Why would you think I’d put up with you for this long, otherwise?”

“I know. It’s just…um, what we were doing last night and what we’ve done before. We’ve never really discussed what that means.”

“The sex?” he laughed. “Mads, I…” He trailed off, and turned to see the sadness in James’ eyes. Suddenly, he became stiff as he realized the sincerity of the conversation. “Mads, are you asking if it _means_ anything?”

He had enough of an answer. “You–it was all just some game to you, so you could keep your loyal companion by your side, all the time. Was that it?” He had descended instantly into full blown despair, red eyes, snot welling from his nose. He squared his shoulders and stood to his full height, taking a step towards Thomas who backed away, as if he felt threatened by the sickly man who was nearly a whole foot shorter than him.

“Was that it?” he demanded again. “Give me an answer and just stop with this stupid—” The coughing fit came from nowhere, cutting off his sentence and causing him to double over as he covered his mouth.

“Mads, I didn’t know…” Of course he had known. How could he not have? It was how he had continued to lead him on. “Mads, come on.” He approached him, holding out his hands to help him up from where he was crouching on the floor.

“Don’t touch me. You know what? Forget it. I…I’m going to the library.” He made his way slowly to the door, picking up his already packed rucksack as he went.

“Mads!” The call came from behind him but he did not turn around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did anyone notice how the chapter opens at sunrise after a blackout;) ha ha I'm trash. Yes Burr is totally that guy who thinks he's really cool because he likes fight club and he will be out of the drama for now. As always, I love your comments so please tell me what parts of the story and relationships you're enjoying and you can message me @ninasfireescape on tumblr. Until next week x


	20. I Wrote My Way Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey welcome back everyone. I don't have much to say before this chapter other than I hope everyone enjoys it x

Angelica waited with Herc in the hall. No one had arrived for the meeting so far and she hoped everyone knew it was on. After all, they had been back from Christmas break for close to a month so most had probably assumed GSA was no longer running. She had put up posters to announce the session but maybe that had not been enough. Maybe she should have listened when Herc suggested they start a GSA group chat.

There was no need to worry. Arrivals began soon, among them the troublesome trio of Peggy, Mattie and Dolley. Angelica gestured for them to go in but Peggy refused to.

“Has Eliza arrived yet?”

“No, why?”

“Well, it’s just that I haven’t seen her in _ages_ and I want to wait for her.” It was clear from her tone of voice and giggling that this was not the reason for her wanting to see Eliza. Her intentions did become clear when Eliza arrived with Maria, Alex and Lafayette.

“Heeeey, Eliza,” Peggy said in a sing song voice. “How are things going with Laurens then?”

It was plain to see who knew in the group and who didn’t. Mattie was smirking and Laf nudged Eliza. Herc smiled at her and winked. It was Maria and Dolley who were puzzled.

“What’s happening?” asked Maria.

“That’s what we’re waiting to find out.” None of them had been able to have a proper conversation about the state of the two merging relationships – Alex and Eliza with Alex and John – not since the blackout more than a week ago. The three of them had been remarkably silent in that period of time, though John must have been the one to tell Mattie.

Eliza looked at Alex for support and he began to explain. “So we’ve decided that I’m going to date both Eliza and John.”

A cheer rang out from Peggy. “This is like the dream ending to a TV show; the love triangle ends with all three of them dating. It’s the simple solution, right?”

“But,” interrupted Eliza, “no one other than you can know about Alex and John. John doesn’t want to be public about it.”

“Wait, I’m confused,” said Dolley. “Are we talking about John Laurens?”

“Yes.”

“But he’s dating Mattie! Or did they break up? Does that mean he’s bisexual or pansexual?” she asked, very loudly so that Eliza raised a finger to her lips.

“No, he’s gay and I was never dating him,” said Mattie. “I’m a cover for him because he doesn’t want his parents to know.”

“Oh my God, why does no one ever tell me anything?” shouted Dolley.

“I didn’t know either,” said Maria.

“We weren’t deliberately trying to exclude you. None of the others really knew much.”

“And the only reason they did know was because Little Miss Can’t-Mind-Her-Own-Business overheard and went spreading it to everyone,” said Angelica, glaring at Peggy.

“It’s not a big deal,” Peggy answered.

“It’s not like this is something trivial anyway that we were keeping you out of. It’s something that’s making John very anxious. He really doesn’t want anyone other than his friends to know he’s gay.”

“Is he coming to the meeting?” Angelica asked.

Eliza shook her head, sadly. “He’s still really scared.”

“He needs to toughen up and stop being a baby. He should come out. What’s the worst that could happen, right?”

Angelica made towards her younger sister but it was Eliza who got their first, seizing Peggy by the collar. “Listen, Peggy, you have no idea what he’s going through and there’s no way you could understand. We were lucky to grow up with an accepting family. He wasn’t. Think about that before you try to turn this into a joke.”

“Alright, alright, chill out, Betsey.”

“No, Peggy, Eliza’s right. Can you show some empathy for someone else for once in your life?”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Are we going to carry on standing around here or start this meeting?”

With everything understood and forgiven, the gang of nine went into the little classroom where chairs had already been set out. Angelica scoped for new members. There were a few freshmen she had never seen before, the archetypal image of young college lesbians with dyed pixie cuts, piercings and plaid shirts.

Theo was back, too, and what was surprising was that she had brought Burr along. He looked very happy, an enormous ally pin attached to his coat and she knew he might be irritating, but she could not stop him coming. She knew those two were back together, not from what her roommate had told her but from the late night visits she had started making again, always coming back smelling the same.

Just as she was about to open the meeting, the door pushed open one final time and James Madison stepped timidly in. Everyone stared at him for a long while and with all those eyes trained on him, she was sure he would back out, but Dolley had forced Laf to move somewhere else and was now tapping the vacant seat at her side. Angelica had not been aware those two knew each other, but him having a friendly face here with him was a good thing. This was the first meeting he had ever shown up to, even though she had been encouraging him to come since freshman year.

“Okay, sorry it took so long to get started again, everyone, but I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year. For those of you who are new, my name is Angelica, I’m a junior and president of Alpha Xi Delta and I run this group. I use she/her pronouns. To begin, we’re going to go around, saying names, pronouns and one interesting fact about ourselves. Mine is that I have an unusually extensive knowledge of armor throughout history.”

“Herc, he/him. I own a tailoring business and you can see that Angelica is wearing one of my shirts. I’ll make you one too if you come to me at the end and pick up a card.”

“My name is Marie-Joseph Paul—”

“No,” said Herc.

“D’accord. My name is Lafayette and you can call me Laf. I use they/them pronouns and I’m from France.”

“Wow, none of us noticed,” called Peggy from across the room.

“Alex, he/him and I taught myself to read, I speak English, French and Spanish fluently and I once wrote a four thousand word essay on the wrong book in high school and got the highest grade in the class.”

“No need to brag, Alexander.”

“Hi, I’m Eliza. She/her. I read all of the Harry Potter books in under a month.”

It went on, the same routine, all the way around the circle until they were almost at the end.

“Peggy. Literally any pronouns you want I’m cool with. So this one time I was looking after someone’s hamster and I left its cage by the window overnight and the window was open so it was dead in the morning.”

There were a few laughs. Most people were unsure whether or not the story was true. Even Angelica did not know for sure if the tale was true but Peggy never had been invited over to that person’s house again.

“I’m Dolley, she/her and I know about ten musicals off by heart. It’s Chicago, Spring Awakening, Les Mis, Rent, Hairspray, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, Grease, Mamma Mia, and the Lion King. Oh and I forgot the Sound of Music. That’s eleven. But I’m still learning more!”

“Oh, is it my turn?” asked James. “I’m James, uh, he/him. And, I mean, I don’t really have an interesting fact.”

“Sure you do,” said Peggy. “Could be a funny thing about you. Like that the only thing you ever wear is turtlenecks.”

“Peggy,” Angelica warned.

“What? He’s not my TA anymore since I dropped Politics.”

“Well, my interesting fact is that I’m allergic to a lot of things; peanuts, seafood, soy and seeds. It's a tough life.”

Everyone laughed, a fact he seemed shocked by, but the the laughter was infectious and he soon joined in.

“Right, that’s everyone. So we have to move on with our projects for this year. I thought we might do something for AIDs Awareness Day which is April tenth. We’ll organize something to do in New York Pride but we need some charity events, so let’s discuss ideas.”

Dolley put her hand up immediately. “I talked to the music department about doing Rent but they’re already doing Joseph but they said they might let us sing Seasons of Love in a concert."

“Okay, thank you for that Dolley.”

“We could do educational videos or presentations,” said Eliza. “Cis straight people think our entire experience is just coming out and get angry with us when we point out issues in representation because they say it’s just a TV show, but they don’t realize how much this affects us. We could talk about intersectionality and representation and sex education and do them around campus.”

“Good idea, Eliza. I do have one suggestion that I’ve seen at other schools. Has anyone else heard of the assassins game?”

People nodded.

“Right so on other campuses, they have an assassins challenge. Each person is assigned someone they have to ‘kill’ and they don’t know who they have. You get given a plastic knife to stab them with. So we might do some kind of whole school event you pay to enter and we can link it to AIDs awareness somehow and give the money to charity. Now, today, we’re going to talk about queer history.” She smiled at Alex. With all his research on his book, she knew he was close to an expert on the revolutionary war period. “Alexander, would you like to kick us off?”

 

* * *

 

“I’m done.” Alex looked up from his laptop, unable to believe what he had just done. “I finished. I finished.”

“Finished what?” asked Eliza. They were back in her dorm, the same as always, Eliza on her keyboard and John drawing.

“My book. It’s done.”

“You’re serious?” asked John.

He pressed the save icon in the top corner. “Yes. I finished it!” Inside him churned a collection of emotions; of excitement and pride amidst confusion. This book had been his life for nearly two years. No, it had been in the making since he found that history book in Mr. Stevens’ library when he was fourteen, about the relationships between soldiers in the war camps. That erased history had been what made Alex feel slightly better about how he felt towards the young delivery boy to Mr. Stevens’ house who sometimes stayed to chat to him. Regardless of all the drama of Alex’s classes, his feuds with students and his having feelings for two people at the same time, finishing this book had been his fixed goal which he had now achieved. Now, life had sprung back into chaos.

“You have to edit it now, you realize?” said Eliza. She put down her keyboard and came to sit next to him, reading over his shoulder. “You could send it to Angelica. I can promise you, her final copy would be unrecognizable from the original, she’d change it so much.”

“It’s fine, I have an editor. But, I just really don’t believe it.” He spun sharply. “Laurens, do you have the pictures done?”

“Alex, I told you, I got all my first drafts done before Christmas.”

“Okay, we need to send them all off and I'll start editing on my own. Eliza, do you know if any classrooms have scanners?”

“Not this again. We have to celebrate now,” Eliza insisted. “I have some things around here that could help. Here.” She dived onto the floor and her body from her head down to her hips vanished under the bed. There was some grunting and shuffling before she stuck her head out again and revealed a big pink box with a photo of a tea cup on the front. Alex had seen it before, every time she went to make them tea. She had about ten different flavors, so it seemed, as well as regular.

“Are we having a tea party?”

“No, John. I’ve been saving a special something.” From inside, she withdrew a big glass bottle. “Champagne! And we have party poppers” She flung a handful across the carpet. “I have these funny props meant for photo booths. Plastic mustaches and hipster glasses and all. Then I have some ice cream and some party hats. We’ll call it Alex’s late birthday party.”

Alex’s birthday had been on January eleventh, just days after the return from Christmas break. Naturally, everyone had still been busy adjusting to class schedules once more and finishing unpacking, so nothing had been organized, other than a meal out with Eliza which had still been fun. Thinking about it now, that had been the day before they realized he was polyamorous.

“Do we have any cups?”

“No. Tonight, we’re drinking straight from the bottle.”

They passed the bottle around the group, while listening to a new remix Eliza had made. They challenged themselves to see who could go the longest without having to take a breath. Both of the other two beat Alex at every turn with John being the champion.

It was only champagne, but he and Eliza were both lightweights, though they hated to admit it, and began to feel somewhat lightheaded after the equivalent of two glasses. This led to messing around with the props.

“Here, John, hold the camera.” She thrust it into his hands, already recording and picked up one of the mustaches on sticks, holding it up in front of her nose. She pretended her hairbrush on the nightstand was a microphone and shoved it under Alex’s nose.

“So, Mr. Hamilton,” she said in a deep voice. “What does it feel like to be a big star and have written your first novel at only the age of twelve?”

“Actually I’m twenty.”

“Really? I’m sorry, but you don’t look it.”

“Go away, Eliza.”

“My name is not Eliza! I am a male news reporter who you have never laid eyes on before. Whom? Or is it who? Who knows?”

“ _Whom_ knows?” said John, pointing the camera at them.

Eliza did a small burp into her hand and continued, her voice rising in pitch without her noticing. “Even if you look twelve, I must say you are very attractive. I don’t think I can restrain myself.”

“Me neither.” Alex pulled her in for a kiss, missing her face with his altered coordination but her steering him in the right direction.

“You realize I’m filming?” John reminded them. “I could show the others that you two are into some weird role play.”

“Come on, join us," Eliza squealed. "I can't have Alex all to myself. Gimme back my camera!"

Eliza trained the lens on them which was shaking all over the place as John got his turn at kissing Alex. Upon realizing that she was still filming, John was more hesitant, but Eliza assured him she would not show the video to anyone, thus keeping her embarrassing tipsy self a secret. After this, John got much more into it, sighing as Alex’s fingers clawed through his short curls and onto his spine.

“Come on, boys. You’re doing great!” she shouted.

“Stop fetishizing us!” Alex shouted back, pausing for a moment before leaning back in, only to have Eliza pull them apart.

“Hey, don’t leave me out.” She wrapped one arm around each of them, pulling them into her chest and kissing them each on the forehead. “My two boys. Now, let’s dance!”

“She’s a bit of a wild one, isn’t she?”

This was Eliza’s cue to start singing the song Wild One over the top of her remix. “We should have more drinks.”

“Bring it on,” said John.

“Who wants to buy them?”

“You mean all you’ve got is one champagne bottle? Hey, whose phone is that?”

At John’s question, Alex’s hearing was able to focus on more than just the conversation being heard but the music being played in the background. What he would have just assumed was a cool sound effect was actually the generic iPhone ringtone. All three of them presumably had the same as soon, Alex and Eliza were stumbling all over the place, trying to find the source of the noise, but it was John who eventually found the phone.

“Alex, it’s yours. Not a number you’ve got on your phone.”

It took more tries to slide across his screen fully but he managed to answer just before the phone stopped ringing.

“Hello?”

“Um, is this Alexander?” The voice at the other end was strange, yet in the familiar accent that he had spoken with on Nevis.

“Yes.”

“Alexander, it’s me,” the man said. “Jamie; your brother.”

Alex gasped, aloud. “You sound different.” It had been years since he had seen him last. It must have been 2010.

“You do as well. You sound American. I thought I might have the wrong number.”

“No, it’s me.” Tears were springing from his eyes.

“Can we speak in Spanish?”

“¡Por supuesto!” he replied. Spanish had been Alex’s first language and still technically was. Even living on an island with English as the dominant tongue and French being second most spoken, it had been his mother whom he had first learnt from. Like Alex, she spoke all three, though she had been raised in Puerto Rico so Spanish was what they had spoken at home and the language the brothers were used to speaking to each other in, even if their last exchange had been seven years before.

“ _I got your letter and you gave me your phone number_ ,” Jamie continued in Spanish. “ _What are you doing now?_ ”

“ _Spending time with some friends._ ” He smiled at his girlfriend and boyfriend who were staring at him, puzzled. He expected John to be able to understand Spanish so he would know what was being said.

“ _No, I mean, where are you?_ ”

“ _Oh, I go to Columbia University in New York. My adopted family live close by._ ”

“ _University? What do you study?_ ”

“ _I’m something we call a triple major. I’m doing English and Law and Politics._ ”

“ _You always were so much smarter than the other kids. I fix cars. It is a small business._ _In your letter you said that your adopted family would be able to pay for me to visit you. That is very generous of them._ ” Alex had explained the situation to George and Martha. He had not shared with his brother that the family were not rich so they would pay for the flights but not accommodation so he would stay in their house or have to find his own.

“ _I can come on the last weekend of March. I will only be there for three days but it will be enough time to see you._ ”

“ _Alright, I’ll give your details to my parents._ ” Then it was over, just like that and the line went dead. They would talk again, he knew. He just found it so incredible he was speaking to him again. It was one of the great things about the modern world, he supposed. In olden times, if he and his brother had been separated, it would be impossible to track each other down, but because of Alex’s blog, Jamie had been able to follow him.

Sometimes, he regretted leaving. If he had not run away that day, he may never have gotten to America, met the Washingtons and this fantastic group of friends, have his writing be noticed and his dream to be a writer come true. He would be on St. Croix. It could have been alright, for Jamie sounded fine, but that was not what Alex wanted. It had been his fear of what would happen to him next that caused him to run, to start the sequence of events that would land him here, but even in that impulsive decision, he had sacrificed a vital relationship. He could remember the very first of those events that brought him to here.

 

* * *

 

_“Hello, Mr Stevens.” Alexander stood in the doorway to the small house, his hood pulled up to block himself from the heavy rain that had been falling for the last few days. He shivered, blinking water from his eyes. His hair was plastered down all over his face and he could barely stay standing. He could not remember the last time he had had a proper meal._

_The man who stood over him looked down on him with confusion. Thomas Stevens: one of his mother’s closest friends back on Nevis. He would come over for tea sometimes and entertain the boys with magic tricks. He had helped Rachel set up a new home on St. Croix, taking on the role of their landlord and letting them rent out one of the small houses he owned._

_On the night Alexander’s dad left, he heard Mr. Stevens’ name thrown into the argument. At the time, he had not understood. It was not until long after his mother was dead that Jamie had explained why their dad had hated their mom spending so much time with Stevens and what he suspected about the two of them. As Alexander looked up at him, he tried to see himself in him. There was no resemblance, whatsoever._

_“Who are you?”_

_“Sir, my name’s Alexander Hamilton.”_

_“Rachel’s boy? Kid, you’ve changed a lot.”_

_It had taken days for Alexander to get from one end of the island to the other and to find Stevens’ address. He had worried he would get caught, as he sneaked on board trains without a ticket and stole from market stalls. But he had made it. He just could not seem to die._

_“What are you still doing standing around out there? Come in, come in.”_

_Stevens seated him at the kitchen table and made him a cheese sandwich. Alexander swallowed it in just a few bites, then requested another after gulping down half a cup of milk without stopping to breathe._

_“Is there anyone I can call for you?”_

_“No, no,” he begged him. “I came here, sir because I need your help. I need you to hide me.”_

_“Hide you? Why?”_

_“They can’t find me. I was staying with my cousin, but he killed himself last week.”_

_“Jesus Christ.”_

_“They’ll send me back into the system. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t have any other relatives to stay with. And I’ve read stories of what happens to kids like me. Please, sir, please. You have to help me.”_

_“You read?”_

_“Y-yes,” Alexander stuttered. “I love to read.”_

_“I still have the place where you and your mom used to live. No one’s there and I don’t think anyone would find you. You’d have to fend for yourself, course, but I have boxes and boxes of books to sell. You can sort through them and keep any you like. I’ll pay you a bit for it. And I’ll find you small jobs around town.”_

_“Thank you, sir. Thank you.”_

_“There’s just one thing you have to promise.”_

_“Yes, anything.”_

_“If the system catches you, don’t send them back to me. Can’t do with any more trouble after your old man’s accusations.”_

_Alexander nodded, even though he did not know what his dad's accusations of him had been. All he knew was that he believed Alexander was not his but was actually the biological son of Mr Stevens'._

_The first box of books was set down in front of him and Alexander immediately pulled out a dictionary, some old textbooks. He intended to keep learning if he was to stay here. There were some old dusty books, adult fiction which should keep him busy, and a history book or two, but what gave him the most delight was a_ _gilded notebook. He had left his old notebook behind when he ran, but this at last meant he could carry on his stories. And so, to soothe himself after all he had just faced, he picked up a pen from the kitchen counter and started writing._

 

* * *

 

In the dark, the intensified blue glow of the fairy lights illuminated Eliza’s face and her laptop screen. With no nightlight in her dorm, the fairy lights were the best replacement to make Alex feel at comfort while sleeping over. By this point in the year, all students had practically cast aside the rule that people of the opposite gender could not stay in your room overnight. It was not like the RA was going to come in and check if she had boys in here at this hour, so they were safe.

The alcohol had all but worn off. Eliza was the type that got drunk quickly but knew her limits and more often put herself to bed than passed out. She had only once been blackout drunk, only once had a hangover; another skill she was lucky to have.

She nestled next to Alex, with John pressed against the wall. It was crowded, the three of them in the bed, but cosy. Alex was a real blanket hog and it took him absolutely ages to actually go to sleep. It had been his wriggling around and muttering that woke her up again.

Now, she was trying to plan her next video. She had reached eight thousand subscribers which meant more and more requests coming in for new video ideas. People liked her various guests and just yesterday, she had posted a video of her and Maria making face masks while discussing the struggles of being a mixed kid. It was strange for her, Eliza had explained, because she had never been that aware of her mixed identity, living with adopted parents of a different race to her. She scrolled through the comments, something she had forbidden herself from doing, just a few months ago, but now she had gathered a following, she often found praise and requests buried among the hate.

There were the teenage girls who told her how helpful she was and how beautiful they both were. Boys commented things like this too but the majority of kind messages were purely from girls. Then, there were those getting angry about the subject matter of the video.

_Stupid bitches. Be grateful it’s not the 1950s. What problems could you possibly have now? Racism is over. Oh someone called you exotic how insulting! Stop getting offended by everything and get a life._

She was tempted to say in response: _Stop leaving hate in the comments of every one of my videos and get a life_ , but retaliation was not a good idea. Some boys were fawning over Maria in a rather disrespectful way, those who came to watch her videos as masturbation material for some reason. She found herself angry at the person who compared Maria to a toad, but she did get a few ideas. Someone had requested she talk about her favorite books, about triggers, about asexuality and about the modeling industry.

People had also started messaging her on her Tumblr account, which was almost exclusively video requests with the occasional piece of anonymous hate. She switched to the other site, finding her inbox had twelve new messages.

_Hey I was wondering what you thought about fetishizing in the gay shipping communities? I love your videos so much <3_

_Hiya could you do a video on the idea of reclaiming slurs? Thanks xxx_

_Are you dating Alexander Hamilton?_

That one took her by surprise. It actually scared her that someone may know. The message had been sent on anonymous. It could just be Peggy messing around with her, but she had to be sure. She went into the search box and typed in his name.

Pieces of his writing came up as the most popular result but more recent posts were of distant photos of two people walking through the snow. In one, they were holding hands, in the next, they were kissing. She spotted her Hufflepuff scarf and Alex’s green coat. At the very bottom of the photoset was a screenshot of one of her videos with her wearing the same scarf and a photo of Alex alone in the same coat. The text was a theory identifying Eliza as the girl in the picture, commenting that they both attended the same university. There was something about a love poem that he had written months ago about someone with green eyes and freckles, neither of which Eliza had. She knew that poem had been written about John. Then, the person pointed out that since, he had written a poem in which he talked about glitter, something Eliza always had on her face in videos, and a butterfly. Eliza knew that was referring to her tattoo but as viewers had never seen her chest, it was assumed to be the butterfly clip she sometimes wore in her hair. The user speculated whoever the green eyed, freckled crush had been was either someone fictional or someone he had moved on from and then emphasized how certain they were that young writer Alexander Hamilton was in a relationship with the YouTuber MsBlueSky.

People online were creepy, following them and taking pictures like this. In her ask box, she had just found more messages of a similar nature, all asking about her and Alex’s relationship. She knew she would only get more, so she had to come up with some kind of answer. Finally, she set about typing.

_Yes, we are dating and have been for a few months. I know you are all very interested but this is my own personal life and not the reason I make videos. I would really appreciated if you would now stop following us around and leave me alone on the subject x_

That should be enough to satisfy them.

 

* * *

 

“We have to be really quick,” Peggy whispered to Mattie, her eyes darting up and down the corridor. She pulled a hairpin from the back of her ponytail and stuck it into the lock, twisting. It took a few budges before the door was forced open and the two girls were standing in the computer room.

After the events in the blackout, school security had tightened. A professor had been attacked so alarms and security cameras had been installed in all the offices. But Peggy wanted to know more.

She fed back to Angelica everything she had heard from the police talking to Washington. She was confident she could solve the mystery of who had stolen his files herself and wanted the sisters to team up and figure it out together.

“Someone caused the blackout on purpose!” she said to Angelica a few days before.

“I know, I know. Just leave it to the cops, Peggy,” Angelica replied.

“But cops suck! They wouldn’t even listen to my story. They said someone had gone after Washington. If we find anything suspicious, it would be great blackmail material.”

“Professor Washington is lovely. He’s Alexander’s dad. We can’t get him in any trouble. Just mind your own business, Peggy.”

Peggy was bad at minding her own business; as bad as she was at listening to anything Angelica told her to do, so here she was in the middle of the night with her partner in crime. They had to find a computer on a school server and seeing as none of the teachers’ offices were a possibility, the answer was the computer room.

“Let’s get to work.” All teachers had the same structure for a username, each slightly different by using the individual teacher’s initials. She typed this in now and then began the process of unlocking. “Anyway, are you going to carry on being Laurens’ beard now he’s dating Hamilton?”

“Peggy!”

“Just wondering.”

“I mean, of course I am.”

“Takes a lot of loyalty. Do you have to keep all your other boyfriends secret? Oh my God! Have you been secretly dating people this whole time and kept it a secret?”

“No, there hasn’t been anyone else.”

“Boring! This whole deal just seems to suck the fun out of your life!”

“Hey, you’ve been single this whole time, haven’t you?”

“That’s what you know. I could have strings and strings of girlfriends and none of them know about each other.”

“I swear, Peggy, if you’re cheating on anyone, I’m going to have to disown you as a friend.”

“I’m not, I’m not! I was joking. But why do you stick with him this whole time, pretending to be his girlfriend? He could just fake being straight and single.”

“Well, you know, in more conservative families, the parents sort of constantly ask if you’re dating someone.” The muscles in her jaw clenched. “And then they start to get worried you’re gay and get more suspicious and start reading your texts and everything. So yeah, the deal is good for both John and me.”

Peggy narrowed her eyes, confused. “How?”

“He’s not the only one who needs a cover.”

“Wait, you’re gay?” Peggy gaped at her and punched her fist in the air. “I knew it!”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Girl, you were making my gaydar go all over the place at first. This girl comes in wearing all flannel with dyed hair who loves cats and all the TV shows you like and then tells you she has a boyfriend. Real confusing. And then you asked to kiss me. Wait, was I your first girl kiss?” All this time, Peggy had found Mattie so attractive, and all that time she had been more available than ever.

“No! It’s hard at home is all. I think it’s a similar situation to John but somehow I get the feeling his parents are worse. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Peggy had been about to be annoyed about this but she remembered what Eliza said earlier about having to understand other people having very different home circumstances. “No problem. I’m glad you felt ready to tell me. This is great! Welcome to the club, girl. We need to find you a girlfriend.”

“I don’t really want you to find me a girlfriend. Even a secret one.”

“What kind of lesbian are you? You don’t want a girlfriend?”

“Keep your voice down. I don’t want you to find me a girlfriend because there’s sort of a girl I’ve been flirting with all year. I was hoping I might be able to try things out with her before I go looking for a relationship.”

Peggy felt her face fall for some reason and turned her attention back to the computer, typing in a possible name. Trying to sound invested, she asked what the girl’s name was.

“I don’t really want to tell you but I’ll give you a clue. Her name is somehow linked to tequila.”

Tequila? That sounded familiar. Too familiar. In fact, that had been exactly what Mattie had called her on the day they met. Peggy was delighted. “Margarita? You want me to be your lesbian tour guide?”

“I mean, I guess so. If you want to.”

“Then, Martha Manning, I accept.” She ruffled her friend’s hair and turned back to the computer. Windows desktop had opened in front of her. She stared in disbelief. “I’m in.”

“You’re not in a spy movie.”

“Maybe I will be someday. My comedy career could become an acting career and they’ll have someone will actual hacking skills. Okay, let’s see what files he’s got.” Giddy with excitement, Peggy opened up recent files and scrolled through. It was mostly student grades but one file was titled _Police Report._

This report was exactly what she needed. It gave the exact items that had been stolen from his office: approximately two hundred dollars, a bronze statue of a tree and Alex’s adoption file.

“The two hundred dollars I get. And the statue you could sell, make some money. In fact, the idea’s inspired. Maybe I’ll go steal from my computer science professor. She’s a total bitch. But why Hamilton’s file?”

“It looks like whoever it is might be after Alex. Or it could be just a coincidence.”

“The person is after Hamilton!” Peggy declared, triumphantly, ignoring the second part of Mattie’s suggestion. “But who hates him enough to do that? Maybe it was Angelica. She could be angry that he’s dating someone other than Eliza when she specifically set him up with Eliza so she wants to get revenge. It explains why she wouldn’t want us investigating.”

“It’s not going to be Angelica,” said Mattie.

“Well, who else hates him?” She thought for a minute. “Jefferson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm still keeping you all interested. It may seem like the drama is slowing down but not to worry. There's plenty more excitement to come. As you can probably tell, I do not speak Spanish. My knowledge is limited to very few phrases but I'm learning on Duolingo right now. However, for when people speak Spanish, I'll just write English in Italics. The one phrase used in the chapter "Por supuesto" means "of course" if Google Translate is correct.  
> You can leave a comment or message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape  
> Until next week x


	21. No One Else Was In The Room Where It Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back. I have to give some very extreme warnings here. This chapter shows physical and emotional abuse and implied rape/sexual assault. If you want to read the rest of the chapter, it's a very brief section which starts after the end of Madison's segment. There is also an extremely mild, non-graphic sex scene at the end of the chapter (not saying who between but I hope you'll be pleased) so everyone enjoy the chapter x

“What’re you reading?” Dolley asked Angelica, leaning along the table in front of Eliza to reach her.

“War and Peace.”

“There’s a musical of that.”

Angelica slammed the book shut. “There’s a musical of _that_?”

“Yeah, it opened on Broadway a few months ago. It’s really good. I went to see it.”

"I swear, it sounds like they're making musicals out of everything. What, do they have musicals of Shakespeare plays now?"

"Well, I did see one that had Shakespeare as a character."

Angelica rolled her eyes, because she could not win this.

Eliza, caught in the middle of this conversation, stared at the stage. When was Peggy going to come on?

They were at a bar, the bar where Maria’s boyfriend worked. It was the night of Peggy’s first gig. The group had found a big round table in the corner to watch her but already three members of the group had disappeared; Herc promised ages before that he would buy them some drinks and snacks as the only person able to legally drink and he still had not returned. Mattie had gone to help Peggy prepare, and Alex had gone to the bathroom again.

A man came up on stage, a card in his hand, one she recognized as Peggy’s newly updated business card. “Right, so tonight, we have a first timer. Show some support! Everyone give it up for Peggy Schuyler!”

Angelica and Eliza cheered the loudest and Alex returned from the bathroom just as the announcement had finished, squeezing in between Eliza and Dolley. Then Peggy emerged in a floaty yellow dress, beaming.

“Hey, everyone. Having a good evening? My name’s Peggy as you’ve all heard so you probably expected a 1940s housewife. Sorry to disappoint. I’m new here so none of you know anything about me. Why don’t I give you a little introduction? I’m very good at introductions you know, because I’m a college student. Throughout high school, they’re teaching you about college applications and job applications and how to get the job because they’ll judge you on if you’re too loud or too quiet and you always have to sound like an interesting person. So you need interesting facts. What the fuck does that mean? You gonna say you’ve been playing the piano since you were five? Guy who came in before you started taking lessons as soon as he could stand.”

This joke was credit of Eliza who had said this while preparing for her university interview. She would not be angry at Peggy for stealing it though. It wasn’t like she was going to become a stand-up comedian as well.

“So anyways, I’m Peggy and it’s actually short for Margarita. No, my parents aren’t alcoholics. They like to think they’re cultured. I think it’s an appropriate name because I love cocktails. No euphemism there. I just genuinely like cocktails. Now, I’m a lesbian and for some reason that makes guys think that I either want to steal their girlfriends or want to make out with them. Guys who think the latter, you clearly don’t know what lesbian means, and the former, you’ve been watching too many Netflix movies under the Gay and Lesbian section. You know the type: Ellen has a perfect boyfriend and she wants to marry him then confident lesbian Joan comes along, and suddenly she doesn’t feel quite so straight and the only term they can think of for her is that she is a lesbian despite her boyfriend. From then on, it’s ninety minutes of the two white girls cheating and scissoring before one of them dies.”

Someone close to the front whistled and Peggy let her gaze wander to him and paused for just too long. Angelica nudged Eliza and Eliza passed that nudge onto Alex and all three of them laughed and clapped and Peggy continued confidently.

She dwelled on the lesbian comedy for a while as promised, which Eliza found so much funnier than she had expected based on Peggy’s rehearsals. Maybe she had been wrong and maybe she could be a comedian.  She progressed soon to college fees and just a few government jokes, becoming just a bit distracted when she saw Maria get up and leave for a room behind the bar, but keeping it mostly together. She lasted about twenty minutes, impressive Eliza would say, and she was so proud of her little sister that she expected tremendous applause. Unfortunately, most of the sound came from their back table. There were some more silent claps closer to the stage, but that was overshadowed by men’s jeering

“What are they doing?” Dolley asked horrified.

“Being men,” Angelica responded, as if this answered everything.

“Hey!”

“Shut up, Alexander.”

“I’m sure it’s just the wrong crowd,” Eliza insisted. This was a possibility that had not occurred to her until then. She had imagined Peggy would get the best and everyone would find her incredible. She reached for her heart locket from Alex. Inside was her drawing of Peggy from when she was a child. “Most of the people here are straight men. If we could get her a gig at a gay bar.” Peggy may not be ready to do another gig any time soon. Just like Eliza, she had her heart set on success and would now come away disappointed. “Oh no, one of them is harassing her.”

Just next to the stage, a man with hair like a yellow hedgehog clung tightly to Peggy’s arm. Peggy was tugging against him. Eventually, she broke herself free and slammed his head down on the table, before approaching them.

“Alexander, go find Maria,” Angelica commanded him. “Peggy, are you alright?”

“Yeah, great,” Peggy said in a tone marginally less self-assured than usual.

“What did that man want?”

“My number. What do you think? He listens to a girl making fun of how she’s a lesbian and the message just goes straight over his head.”

“I’m sorry, Peg,” Eliza began. “It really wasn’t your fault, you were seriously funny, it just wasn’t the right audience.”

“Whatever,” she replied. “I’m gonna go find Mattie. Later!”

“She seems really upset,” Eliza said to Angelica after Peggy had left. “We need to find a way to cheer her up and to prove she’s really funny.”

“I hope her and Mattie aren’t up to anything.”

“Angelica, what does it matter? We need to cheer our sister up. We can’t have her lose her self-confidence.”

“That’s not something that will happen to that girl easily.”

“I have an idea: do you remember how at the start of the year I wanted to be more confident in real life because I was already confident on the Internet? And you helped me make so many new friends and join all the clubs. Well, Peggy’s the opposite, isn’t she? She has friends so maybe we expose her to the Internet.”

“What?”

“It would be a fun group activity. Everyone makes their own segment in a big YouTube video and I could post it on my channel. My subscribers already love her so if she did her own comedy bit, they’d like it even more. And Herc can do cooking or fashion and you can do something educational and Alex can share his opinions on something. It could be like an episode of SNL with different sketches.”

“Hmm.” Angelica looked at her, quizzically. “You know what, that might actually work. Not to mention John’s puns and Dolley leading a singalong.”

“I’ll get to work on the idea.”

“Now, where on earth is Hercules?”

 

* * *

 

“Fancy seeing you here!” Hercules Mulligan emerged from behind James, causing him to start, and seated himself at the bar stool behind him. It had been a while since the two of them had talked properly. James knew him mostly from his connection with Thomas. The fact that James and Thomas were barely talking now meant that there were consequently fewer interactions between James and any of Thomas’ friends.

“Dolley invited me. She said it would be funny. I know Peggy, sort of.”

“And what did you think?”

“Well…I could understand why it would be funny but I’m not the type to get the jokes.”

“Are you going to leave?” Herc asked him.

“I should,” he admitted. “It feels like a disappointment, though. I only just got here and I haven’t talked to anyone other than you or ordered anything.”

“I’ve been trying to get a menu, but no one’s around. You’d think they don’t hire bartenders. If I were working here, we’d be having much more fun.”

James peered around but it actually seemed like there was no one to serve, no staff members. “You could pretend to be bartender,” he suggested to Herc.

“You know what? Maybe I will.” With a few deft limb movements, he scrambled over the bar, coming up on the other side and flipped a tumbler onto the surface in front of James. “Okay, I’m going to make you up a cocktail on the house. See if we can get you drunk enough to give us a little performance.”

With this, Herc was referring to one incident when Thomas had given him money to get James drunk, something no one had seen before. He had no idea about the plan until afterwards, but it had apparently been very amusing as he had begun to recite Shakespeare verses by heart. He had not even thought he knew Shakespeare verses by heart.

He bent down and there was clattering as he took things from different cupboards. The bar area was circular with stools all around, to serve anyone, and seeing someone on duty, a few others had risen to order drinks.

He gave him a tall, thin glass with a pale green liquid and ice cubes inside. “First one’s on the house.”

“You can’t really charge me.”

“I can do what I want, I’m the bartender.”

James chuckled.

“I’ll buy the next one then,” said a man’s voice to James’ right. He looked over his shoulder, startled, to see a boy with pastel pink and blue hair in a denim jacket at his side. He had seen him at the GSA meeting.

“Um, hi. You-you’re—”

“Jay. It’s my surname actually. My name is really John, but there are so many Johns around so I get all kinds of variations. Jack and Johnny and JJ and hell even Jay-Z. And you’re James Madison. What do they call you?”

“Hey, J-Maddy, want some peanuts?” asked Herc, butting into their conversation and thus answering the question.

“No thanks. I’m allergic. Um, that’s Herc. He’s not a real bartender.”

“I _am_. I also run a tailoring business. Here’s my card.” He took one from his pocket and gave it to Jay. “Tell your friends.”

“Yeah, I guess I have a lot of names, too. Some people call me James but mostly it’s Mads or Maddy or Madison. And Herc is the master of giving nicknames.”

“Well, James is a nice name, so that’s what I’ll call you.”

James was sure he was blushing. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I’m a regular. Well, I have been since I turned twenty one. That was almost two months ago and since we’ve only been back from break about five weeks it’s safe to say this is my fifth visit. How old are you?”

“Oh, I…I’ll be twenty one in a month.”

Herc brought over the second drink that Jay had ordered for James. “For when you’re done with that first one.”

“James, tell me a little more about yourself. There must be something behind all that shyness and those huge walls you’ve built.”

“W-what?” he stuttered.

“We’re in Polisci together.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—” He was aware of maybe ten people in the same class as him, including Thomas, Aaron and Alexander Hamilton. Mind you, it was hard to forget you were in the same class as Alexander Hamilton, especially when he had confrontations with your former best friend in nearly every session.

“Don’t worry, I’m not offended. You’re very quiet. No one knows anything about you. Other than that you’re allergic to _everything_ as we discovered in GSA. How do you go out for dinner?”

“I don’t really. I’m not a big fan of public places. I only came here because my friend invited me. And now, she is gone.”

“Is she a good friend?”

“Yes, this is just…she’s a bit absent minded sometimes and excitable. It’s funny we’re friends because she’s very loud and sings a lot.”

“And where are you from?”

“Virginia.”

“Hobbies?”

“Writing, I suppose.”

“Like story writing?”

“No, I get interested in strange topics. Like space or mythology and then I write sort of a news article on it which I store away for no one to ever see. It doesn’t sound very interesting.”

Jay shuffled towards him. “Then tell me more.”

 

* * *

 

His hand smacked solid into the center of Maria’s chest and she was thrust up against the wall, winded. Before she even had time to regain her breath, he was upon her, pressing her back into the plaster with his whole body.

“Look at this! Look at yourself, Maria!” James pressed his phone into her face, Instagram open on a selfie of her posing in a crop top and short skirt. He hit her with the side of the phone across the cheek, not hard enough to leave a mark, and she tried to get her hands in front of her eyes. “Whore! Do you know what people will think of you when they see this?”

“J, I’m sorry, please,” she said in a low voice. No one could hear, no one could see what was going on and misunderstand, they just couldn’t.

“A whore!” he shouted. “A dumb whore! Look at all these girls you’ve been talking to. They all want your pictures because you’re a slut and that will make those men they’re talking to send them more money! How many other guys have you been sleeping with, huh? HOW MANY?”

“I haven’t, I—” She could speak no more. She gasped for air as he forced his fingers against her windpipe.

“You know what, maybe we should start getting you to make some money out of it. Because that’s what whores do. Do you want that, Maria? Do you?” He reached down under her skirt, still holding her neck tightly in his other grip. “Do you know what people do to whores, Maria? This is what they do.”

“No, no!” she wheezed, knowing what was coming for he had made an example of her like this before. He slapped her across the face to shut her up, then pinned her arms against the wall.

There were some footsteps and James loosened his grip on her. Maria panicked, hiding her face.

“What are you doing in here?” James demanded.

“I-uh…my name’s Alex,” Maria heard. “I was sent to find Maria.”

Maria looked up. It was indeed Alex, his eyes wide with shock at the display he had just seen. How much had he seen?

“She’ll be with you in a minute. I need her. Go away.”

Frightened, Alex hurried off, out of sight. A part of her wanted to call after him, to get him to find help because she was terrified of what might happen next. But he had seen, he might report it as a misunderstanding. It was just one of James’ bad days and him being found out would result in even more bad days. Even more pain for her boyfriend. Even more pain for her.

James shoved her one last time, leaving her sobbing and sliding down the wall. Her feet were bleeding from the broken glasses and bottles, alcohol getting into the wounds and making them sting like nothing before.

“That Alex,” he muttered. “You make me like this Maria. You know I love you.” Then, his tone became softer, yet somehow more commanding. “Let’s clean this up.” He kicked a large piece of a bottle at her. “I want you to take down those pictures. Stop texting those girls as well.” She began to collect up glass into the palm of her hand, not caring whether it cut or not. “I’m doing this for your own benefit, for your safety. You don’t want people to think you’re like that, do you?”

She shook her head, timidly. “No.”

“You’d be nothing without me.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m gonna have my sisters babying me for the next few months. I’ve told them I’m not bothered.”

“It’s fine to be upset,” Mattie told Peggy. “It was stressful for you.”

“Don’t you start. I’m not bothered. It’s just men being stupid, as always. I know I’m funny, as everyone keeps reminding me, and I’ll just try again. There’s more important matters at hand.”

They were back on campus, in the stairwell up to the dorm the girls shared. A girl passed them and Peggy waited until they were out on the fifth landing before she would continue.

“Your tour of lesbian territory. We haven’t really had the chance to start. So why not try now?”

Mattie looked to be a mix of nervous and brimming with excitement. She and Peggy took hands and ran the remaining distance to their door. No one was to know what they were doing. It was just the two girls in this room, alone, about to explore what had been the inevitable since they first became roommates.

They shared the first kiss in that moment they walked through the door, the second kiss technically if you counted Halloween, but this time, it had to be different, now that they both knew it meant something. Even though Peggy was calling herself Mattie’s ‘tour guide,’ this was just a sarcastic term to use, as Peggy was a sarcastic person. Peggy felt that Mattie liked her a lot and this feeling was reaffirmed when their lips locked. She allowed herself to bite her bottom lip just a little and as she pulled away again, Mattie seemed dazed.

“That was great,” said Mattie.

“I know,” said Peggy. “I’ve been told.”

Mattie stepped out of her clothes, dungarees and shirt discarded on the floor. She looked at Peggy like she was asking for approval, but Peggy was mesmerized. For one, in all the time they had been roommates, she had never known Mattie had such a great body. On the other hand, this was like a strange metaphor that Eliza would put as the caption to one of her Instagram posts about a person opening up to you, bearing their skin. Mattie was quite literally doing this and a part of Peggy that was just a romantic soul wanted to cry.

They moved ever so slowly, with Peggy first having to take off the yellow dress that Herc made for her and her helping Mattie get comfortable, lying in her own bed.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Peggy asked her, brushing back her rainbow hair.

“Yes. It’s just that I never have, before.”

Peggy paused for a moment, thinking what to say next. She knew that Mattie was inexperienced, that the furthest she had gone with anyone had been a few make out sessions with John when they tried to force themselves to like each other. This fact had been revealed to her in the course of the last week. She had to figure out the right way to go about this, to not be too rough, no matter how much she wanted Mattie. For Peggy was not inexperienced and she had done this before. Not as many times as she would like to boast, but enough to know what worked and what didn’t.

Unhooking Mattie’s bra, she tossed it to the floor, an addition to the growing pile of clothes, and planted kisses down from her neck to her chest like they were seeds in the lushest garden in existence, that would one day blossom into bright sunflowers.

And she kissed her on the neck, traced her breasts, moving down the body and guiding Mattie as she did, playfully teasing her stomach. And Mattie clutched her forearms tighter while she explained to her what she would do next to see if she was prepared for that.

Her head reached her inner thighs and as her tongue grazed their soft inner flesh, she checked with Mattie that this was alright again before beginning. All she knew of Mattie’s reaction was from sound and movement; not sight. The other girl was sighing and her hips rising beneath Peggy, until all was done and Peggy came back out from under the blankets.

“You okay?”

“I—” Mattie was breathless and Peggy pecked her on the cheek.

“I knew I was good but I didn’t know I was that good.” They talked no more, holding the other’s body instead. Peggy absentmindedly stroked Mattie’s hair.

They stayed like this all night, twinned feet sticking out the ends of the blanket, crossed one over the other and their hands clasped together. One perfect night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for that last bit. I really am bad at writing sex scenes. Someone please give Maria a hug. As always I love comments and until next week x


	22. Rumors Only Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to another chapter. I don't have much to say other than that you all enjoy it x

“Alright everyone, that’s all. Remember to do that reading for Tuesday.”

Alex got up out of his seat, hurtling towards the door, carrying his folder which he had not even bothered to pack back into his bag. He felt like he was improving in his law classes, putting his hand up for every question and doing all the reading thoroughly. Naturally, there had been a few slip ups, when he had suggested bad defences for certain case studies, but everyone had these moments, and his teacher had taking a liking to him. Yes, he was feeling positive about these classes.

He was first out of the lecture hall and as he came out into the corridor, he nearly collided with John who was standing right outside. He had on his tie-dye t-shirt under his denim jacket and slunk back a step or so.

“Hey,” he said to Alex. “Uh, do you mind if we talk?” He took his boyfriend’s arm but as the other students followed in Alex’s footsteps out of the class, he automatically let go and tried not to make contact with any of them.

Alex knew just what he was panicking about because he could relate in a way. As someone who had struggled with anxiety for a long time, he knew that feeling that everyone was looking at you and thinking about you and that they could read your mind. That must have been what was worrying John now; that these people could tell the nature of their relationship from something as innocent as a touch to the arm. Luckily, he thought he could help solve this, for now.

“Wanna take a walk outside?”

John’s shoulders dropped, the tension released. “Yeah.”

They crossed over the lawn with John just a few steps behind Alex, as if there was no connection between them at all and they were just two strangers who happened to be wandering in the same direction.

There was a small space behind the bike sheds out of sight. Sometimes, people came back here to smoke quickly in between classes, but right now, no one was there. It was a good spot to have a private conversation.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked when they were squeezed in together.

“Um, well I’ve been sort of thinking I need to toughen up a bit. Because…it’s so cliché but I’m worried about me going out in public with you. I get all these crazy worries that people already know about us and I’m gonna get a call from my dad tomorrow. So I need to prove to myself nothing bad will happen. It was Eliza’s idea, but she said us two should do stuff somewhere that’s not public but I’d still feel insecure.”

“Like where?”

“I don’t know. Here? I mean, if you want to?”

“Do you want to?”

“Well yeah, I wanna kiss you, Alex. I’m just nervous about here.”

“Nothing will happen.”

“I have a blanket!” John exclaimed, drawing it from his bag, one of the quilted ones Herc made, and spread it out on the grass. Then he pressed Alex against the wall. Alex noticed that John started off quite shy and did seem distracted but within just a few seconds, the spark was there, flaring as bright as always, and they were in each other’s arms. John pushed them both onto the blanket and they wriggled and struggled with each other on the ground. Alex tried to flip John over at one point and only succeeded in turning slightly onto his slide.

Amused, John took his hands and held them away from Alex’s body, pressing down on them. “Looks like the lion has been overpowered.”

“I hate you, Laurens” said Alex.

The next time John placed his palms on the back of Alex’s neck and dipped his head down to kiss him, Alex saw his chance and pushed John over onto his back.

“Ha! I got you! Now who’s weak?”

“I never said you were weak.”

“And you're a turtle. Turtles can’t get back up when they end up on their backs.” He lifted his face and their mouths closed his mouth closed over John’s.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Hamilton?” someone standing over him asked in a particularly annoying voice.

Alex looked around. “Jefferson? What are you doing here?”

It was very obvious what he was doing there. He had a vaporizer held between his lips and as he drew in a breath, the white vapor drifted from his nose into the air. Immediately, Alex regretted not taking into account more the fact that this was used as a smoking spot and that would not stop just for them.

There was a change in Jefferson’s expression from outrage to hilarity. “Oh, I get it. Right, sorry to barge in while you’re having some fun. I’ll leave you and your Schuyler sister to it.”

Alex felt John peer out from under him. His skin was prickly with goose bumps and all his hairs standing up. After Alex had assured him that no one would walk in on them, this had to have happened.

“Wait a minute, who’s this?” Jefferson asked with glee. “You’re not a Schuyler sister. You're not even a sister. Oh dear, Hamilton. Cheating on your girlfriend? And with a man as well?”

“I’m not cheating on her!”

“ _Right_. Sure you’re not,” he said, sarcastically. “How do you think she’d feel if she knew your relationship with her is a lie and that you’re actually gay?”

“I’m not gay and I’m not cheating on her!”

“Sure does look like you are both those things.”

“Jefferson, I swear if you don’t shut your mouth I’m gonna strangle you.”

“Really? Don't you have to stand on a step ladder or something?"

“That’s it!” Alex got up, fists called, prepared to tackle him to the ground if he could.

“Hey, come on, let me at least talk to your boyfriend first.” Hey brushed Alex aside and approached John who was shaking, putting his jacket back on. “I think I’ve seen you before. Yeah, at Halloween. You were wearing a sponge costume and you were both there then, and Eliza Schuyler was there too. “And here I was thinking y’all were just friends. Where’re you from?”

John looked blankly at him. “Charleston.”

“No, where are you _really_ from? Mexico? Cuba?”

“Oh. My mom’s Puerto Rican and so were my dad’s family.”

“Knew it! Puerto Rico, it’s a great place. Great food. ¿Me llamo Thomas y cuál es tu nombre?”

“I don’t speak Spanish.”

“You don’t?” Alex and Jefferson both questioned him at once.

“What, didn’t your parents teach you?” Jefferson asked, awfully smugly.

“You shut up!” said Alex. “His name isn’t any of your business! Leave us alone!”

“Fine. Have fun with your boyfriend. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He snuck back out from behind the space and Alex waited a good ten seconds after he had gone before checking John was fine. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders and let him bury his head in his chest. He ran his fingers through his short curls and kissed the back of his head.

“You’re okay.”

John shook his head, each vibration coursing through all of Alex’s muscles. “This was stupid. We should never have done that.” This had made all of John's fears intensify.

“I hate that stupid jerk.”

“Is he really not going to tell anyone?”

Alex was tempted to say that he would not, but he could not be sure. Jefferson may have been sexist, anti-immigration, but he had never struck Alex as being homophobic. Perhaps he would have some sympathy and not go spreading what he had seen around.

“I don’t know.” He tried to take his mind off it. “I’m just curious though, why don’t you speak Spanish?”

“Well, I don’t think my dad speaks it either. His family has been here for generations and had the culture pretty much erased. I don’t think he even really acknowledges our heritage. I’ve never really felt like I am Puerto Rican because of it.”

“That’s shitty.”

“Yes. And my mom came over when she was thirteen and you must know what it’s like to have everyone forcing you to speak only English.”

“Yeah.”

“But I don’t think my parents wanted us to learn. My dad’s always complaining about immigrants not speaking perfect English and my mom's probably the same but I also think she didn't want me to have to go through what she did for not being fluent. I would like to learn, but I think it will be too hard at this stage.”

This was true. Alex’s knowledge of science was limited but he knew children could learn new skills more easily than adults due to some difference in the brain. He seemed to recall having once read an article about it while bored. Alex had been speaking three languages since he could speak.

“I’ll help you learn! There’s apps you can use and I can test you and have conversations with you! I could give you and Eliza lessons? What do you say?”

John hesitated. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yes. I’ll start learning Spanish.”

“Yes! We’re doing this!”

 

* * *

 

Eliza made the tea systematically, pouring the boiling water into the cups lined up in a row, then the milk. Just as she was stirring each mug, Peggy came through to the kitchen, typing something on her phone.

“Yellow mug, I’m guessing, with lots of sugar.”

“Thanks, Betsey.”

Eliza gave her the mug. The ones the Alpha Xi house had were so pretty, in bright block colors. She really needed to ask Angelica where they’d bought them or at least to point her to who had bought them.

“Hey, I need some advice,” said Peggy.

Concerned, Eliza took a step towards her sister. “What’s the problem?”

Peggy took a deep breath inwards. “So this guy from one of my classes added me on Snapchat and started messaging me and I thought what could be the harm, and he wanted to play truths and it started off basic but then he asked me if I have a boyfriend and I just said no because obviously I don’t have a boyfriend, then he asked the furthest I’d gone with a guy and I panicked and said a blow job and now he’s asking for nudes.”

“You really ought to block him.”

“Can I ask you about something else?”

“Sure. Wanna sit down?”

There were a set of plastic chairs, almost the same colors as the mugs, arranged around the dining table, where they sat. She and Peggy had been round at the sorority house, setting up for the activity she had planned since the early hours of the morning. Out of their hangout areas, the house had the most space for the big friendship group to gather. Soon, all the others would be arriving.

“Well,” said Peggy. “Angelica wouldn’t believe me but Jefferson attacked Professor Washington on in the blackout.”

“What?”

“Well, his adoption file for Hamilton was stolen so like if you tampered with it, you could pretend he was a criminal or something and get him arrested and who else hates Hamilton enough to do that to him?”

“It sounds like a bit of a reach. Wait a second, how do you know which of his files was stolen?”

Peggy’s cheeks turned red. “I may or may not have hacked into the school system.”

“Peggy.”

“It’s no big deal. I didn’t change anything. I just thought it sounded cool. There’s a real mystery going on and I think Jefferson is behind it.”

“You sound like you’re on Scooby Doo.”

Angelica strode in, with Herc next to her. “For the last time, Peggy, Jefferson did not attack Professor Washington. Also, I agree with Eliza. Block him. You’re not doing much for the stereotype that women lead men on and you’re gonna get yourself in trouble.” She and Herc took their mugs from the counter and seated themselves beside the other two.

“But how do you know he didn’t?”

Angelica covered her eyes and sighed. “You’re like a broken record. I know for a fact he did not attack Professor Washington. He was _doing_ something else at the time.”

Peggy gasped. “Angelica, did you lose your virginity to Jefferson during the blackout?”

“NO!”

“Did you hear that? Angelica had sex with Jefferson. I’m ashamed of you!”

“How on earth did you come to that conclusion? That conclusion which is completely untrue! I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“You put emphasis on ‘doing’ and I took English classes for like a week so I know what emphasis implies.”

“We didn’t have sex during the blackout.”

“Did you afterwards?”

“No! Peggy, stop it. You know I would never, especially with him.”

“Tom didn’t have sex with your Angelica, Pegs,” Herc promised her.

“ _You_ had sex with him!” Peggy declared, pointing a finger at Herc instead. Angelica threw her arms out in exasperation.

“We’re going round in circles.”

“I didn’t bang him, either. I mean, yeah, hot damn, ten out of ten would bang, but he’s my friend.”

“Like you can’t have sex with your friends,” Peggy muttered. Eliza suspected she was the only one who heard and looked at Peggy quizzically. “Then who fucked him?”

“Just leave it alone,” Angelica instructed her.

Theo had come into the kitchen, showing through Dolley and James Madison. He had never really hung out with them before but Eliza was perfectly happy for him to be here now and she showed them to their own tea cups. They decided to move into the living room now most people had arrived and Herc handed round a plastic container of blueberry muffins. While waiting for the remaining few members of the group, Peggy round a rerun of Friends was on and they all turned their attention to the television.

Soon after, Mattie turned up, and just as Theo had come back from showing her into the house, the doorbell rang again. As the door was heard slamming, shouting was immediately heard out in the hallway and Alex, John and Laf stormed in, Theo trailing behind them and already rolling her eyes.

“And then do you know what he does? He gives John this patronizing look and asks him why his parents didn’t teach him Spanish!” Alex was ranting to Laf. “Ugh, I hate that patronizing jerk!”

“Jefferson?” Eliza asked John and he nodded. Everything made sense now.

“You see, this is the reason I don’t like him,” Laf said.  Eliza had not known this about them, nor had she known they even knew Jefferson. Certainly, she had never seen them in the same room.

“Why?”

“When I arrived at the school, he would always try to talk to me about France. He would ask me if I wanted to taste his French food and talk to me about French politics and all in bad French. I did not come to America to talk about France.”

“Laf, I hate to break it to you, but you look a lot like him,” said John.

“What do you mean?”

“With your hair down, you could pass for him.”

Eliza saw the looks of utter disbelief around the room and she realized with a start that it was true. The resemblance was so obvious.

“Wouldn’t that be fun?” said Peggy to Mattie. “We could dress them up as him and see how many people we could fool. Laf, how’s your American accent?”

“Let me try.” They cleared their throat and then in a nasal voice, said “Hey, dudes. I love freedom and baseball.”

Peggy covered her ears. “No. Never do that again. Ever!”

“They can work on it.”

“What I want to know is what’s he doing here?” Alex jerked his head accusingly at James, who was startled by the shirt of attention to himself, and he covered his face.

“James is my friend,” said Dolley, putting a hand on his forearm.

“He’s friends with the enemy! And you know that saying; ‘the friend of my enemy is my enemy.’”

“Alexander,” Angelica said, impatiently. “The correct saying is ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend.’ Hercules is friends with Jefferson and you have no problem with that.”

“Thomas and I aren’t really talking,” James intervened.

“Good,” Angelica remarked, causing Alex to direct his anger at her instead.

“Hypocrite! You don’t like people being friends with him either.”

As the argument was going on, Eliza picked up her phone and opened Maria’s contact details before tapping on her mobile number. Her phone rang for a long time until Eliza was sure it was time for it to switch to voicemail, but then she heard her friend’s shaky voice at the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Maria, hey. I was just wondering if you were coming today. We’re hanging out at the Alpha Xi house.”

“Um, I don’t think I can make it,” she uttered in what was close to a whisper.

“Why not?”

“I’m busy,” Maria said with some degree of uncertainty. “Look, Eliza, I have to go.” Before Eliza could get in another word, Maria had hung up.

“I have to study hard for law though because there’s an internship for the law firm that one of my professors runs and there are five spaces,” was the first thing Eliza heard on returning to the conversation, from Alex.

“Well, you’re gonna get it,” John told him. “No one works as hard as you.”

“What is this? Legally Blonde?” Angelica asked.

“Oh my God!” squealed Dolley. “I had no idea any of you had ever heard of that musical before. It was on ten years ago so I never would have thought you’d have seen it.”

Everyone stared at Dolley in astonishment.

“Dolley, Legally Blonde is a movie. It was a movie a long time before it ever became a musical.”

“What?” Dolley looked around in horror. “I had no idea.”

“Speaking of musicals, tell us about the one you’re in.”

“Peggy, I’m really sorry but the musical is top secret and I can’t tell you anything about it.” By now, everyone had heard Dolley had been put in the main cast for a show that should have its Off-Broadway premiere sometime in the next year and was predicted to move onto Broadway soon after. It could be her big break, but she would not reveal one scrap of information.

“But you want to promote it, don’t you?”

“I have a contract.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, this is some shitty musical, not the new Star Wars movie. Even with Star Wars, we know the title of episode eight now.”

“Okay, everyone,” Eliza interrupted, before Peggy and Dolley could start a full-scale argument. “Here’s the plan. We’re going to make our own late night TV show episode, with different segments or sketches. We have a month to make it and then we’ll watch them back. So everyone needs to get into small groups of two or three.”

“No, Peggy, you are not going with Mattie and Dolley!” Angelica shouted as the three friends were already gathering into a corner. “Eliza, don’t you think we need to mix things up? Despite us all being a friendship group, do all of us really know each other?”

“Fine,” Peggy scowled. “I’ll take Laurens.”

Eliza and Angelica worked on assigning everyone into groups. Lafayette went with Theo and Mattie agreed to join Dolley and James as a trio. Alex was to be working with Angelica which should definitely be fun and Angelica suggested Herc go with Eliza which made him flush. As far as she knew, he was still a big fan of her videos and still pretending that he wasn’t.

“Is everyone clear? Alright, so we’ll be showing them sometime in the last week before we go away for Easter.”

 

* * *

 

Alex scampered as fast as he could down the corridor, his friends close at his heels. At the end of the hallway, where the noticeboard should be, there was a small huddle gathered, its size constantly maintained for as people reached the front of this huddle, they would be able to see that they either were or were not on the list and walk away. More people came away disappointed than happy, only to be replaced by more eager law students hoping to see their names.

Ten minutes ago, Alex got the email. He had been hanging out in John’s room with Laf and Herc as well and they had all been playing Mario Kart as always. This time, Alex had been so close to coming in the top five. He really thought he was improving, though when they played on the Rainbow Road, John kept shoving him off the track and down into deep space.

The head of the Law department sent out an email to all students about the internship at his firm. Instead of just listing which students had been chosen, he said he had put up a list on the noticeboard because clearly he wanted to torture them all. Alex did not often check his emails but it was lucky he had in that moment and demanded his friends come with him, only stopping on the way to the building to knock on Eliza’s door and insist she came as well.

“Don’t worry, Alex. You’ll definitely be on there.” Eliza offered her sweet words of encouragement.

“Yeah, man. Who else works as hard as you?”

Alex was flattered by all their compliments and he knew they were right. Though bragging was not necessarily thought of as a good trait, nor was too much pride in oneself, he knew that he was one of the cleverest in his law group and he could guarantee he did more work than any of the others. Nevertheless, he was still nervous enough to allow John to read the list first.

“Huh.” John said in reaction and with a change of heart, Alex burst forward, only to have John spread his arms out to block his way.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s nothing. I just think you shouldn’t look at the list.”

“So I’m not on it?”

“I didn’t say that.” His eyes gave everything away. Really, knowing he had not been chosen should have been enough but some kind of defiance took him over and he pushed past John.

He scanned the list, a good few times. On the first read, he could tell he was not on the list but still it took several reads to take in who _was_ on the list.

_Aaron Burr_

“Burr?!” Alex spluttered. “Aaron Burr?”

“What? Let me see that!” Herc dashed over and gawked at the small sheet of paper pinned to the board.

“I can’t believe they chose _Aaron Burr_ but not me!” he shouted, fuming. Everyone was looking at him. “How can he be a lawyer? He has no opinions. I asked him how he felt about Black Lives Matter and he said he doesn’t like taking sides. The sides are literally black people dying versus black people not dying! He is black!”

“Okay, he could have put it better than that,” said Eliza, stepping in. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“If he wants to be a lawyer, he can’t be passive. He needs to actually try to save his client and believe them and be on their side, otherwise they’ll see right through his act and he’ll lose. He’ll lose all the cases at the law firm, I promise you!”

“Alexander.” Alex spun around, to see Burr standing at Eliza’s side. “Thank you for sharing your opinion of me. Here I was thinking we were friends.” His jaw was clenched. He seemed almost sad. And angry.

“Alex, let’s go,” said Eliza, grabbing his arm. Having an argument with Burr was nothing like arguing with Jefferson. If he had been fighting Jefferson now, Jefferson would be teasing him for his girlfriend having to calm him down, or would have revealed to everyone watching that John was his boyfriend. This would have led on to a brawl of words, possibly fists involved, and someone having to separate them. Burr just stared, stared with fury. Alex was tempted to say something else, but with the sheer disappointment that his roommate could be so much better than him, he was lost for words.

Burr had never been his enemy. He supposed they had been friends in a way. They put up with each other, tolerated each other. Now, they had an unspoken agreement that they hated each other.  If Alex had been in a more rational state of mind, less of a sore loser and Burr had not been there to hear all he had to say about him, he may have been able to calm down and they may have been able to get on normally, but that could not happen. Not now.

Eliza took him as far away as she dared which happened to be out to the steps leading into the library.

“I can’t believe he didn’t get the job,” said Laf, shaking their head.

“Yeah, tough luck. But Burr deserves something, right?"

“I don’t know how you would have done it,” Eliza continued. “You work so hard as it is.”

“It would have secured me a really good position in the law profession and I’ve finished my book so I need to spend my time doing something.”

“Start another book, dude,” said Herc.

“I swear you don’t even want to be a lawyer though? You want to be a writer and politics is second choice.”

“But it’s a backup plan! And it pays really well! Eliza, are you listening?” Eliza, who had been completely absorbed in their conversation, was now on her phone, scrolling down the screen which was out of sight.

“Leave her alone, Ham. She doesn’t just exist to serve you.”

“Thanks, Herc,” said Eliza, though she sounded worried.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…got a weird message on Tumblr. I’m checking it out. Oh. There’s more.”

“What do they say?”

“Well, they’re about you, Alex. You should know. I’ve been getting loads of similar asks from different people.” Anger did not correspond with Eliza’s face. Her mouth was set in a permanent benevolent yet challenging smile, so any antagonism shown was such an extreme for her. That leer, it was filled with depths of emotion that led you to believe she was devastated and could shatter your own heart, and flames smoldered in her dark irises. Alex was soon to find out just what message she had been sent that had driven her to such a state.

“This one says, ‘did you know your boyfriend is an illegal immigrant?’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, Jefferson is a hypocrite. I know that ending might be confusing but all will be explained next chapter. As always leave feedback about what you like and you can message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	23. The World Has No Right To My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and thank you for having read up to this point. I'll say we're getting near the end but it will be quite a few months before I'm finished still. This chapter will feature a very very brief appearance from a Broadway star who some of you may know so I hope you all enjoy it.

“Peggy, what the hell is this?” Angelica, clutching a fistful of naked Barbie dolls with mutilated facial features, shoved them under her sister’s nose.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Peggy smirked. “Three, two, one, go.” She and Mattie ran to the other side of the tennis court, tapping the other wall and coming back. Peggy was in the lead by a long way. After they had run there and back three times, with Mattie trailing behind at walking speed, Angelica put a stop to it.

“Peggy, I’m trying to talk to you. I found these in the halls all over the sorority house.”

“Good for you,” Peggy panted, flopping down against the green wire walls surrounding the courts.

“They’re mine. From home.”

“Okay.”

“Now tell me, who else is going to try to scare all the sisters in Alpha Xi and who has access to my collection of childhood dolls?”

“Eliza maybe? Go ask her instead of me. I didn’t do it. And you won’t miss a few dolls. They’re all identical.”

“Peggy!”

“Go away.” Mattie came and sat beside Peggy and both of them breathed heavily in and out. “I totally destroyed you,” Peggy boasted to Mattie. “You owe me five bucks.”

“Mattie, do you mind if I have a word with my sister, for a minute?” Before getting an answer, she grabbed Peggy’s hand and jerked her to her feet. “Peggy, I know you and Mattie are planning something for the end of the year. All these little pranks you’re doing. Alexander told me you gave him donuts filled with ketchup in.”

“Well, we put mustard in some of them.”

“It’s not funny. You always do something at the end of the year. Mom and dad got called into school when you locked the boys in the changing room and set off the fire alarm in eighth grade. You could have been suspended.”

“But I wasn’t, was I?”

“Look, you and Mattie are always sneaking off and whispering with each other. I know that you being friends with a biochemist may give you a bunch of ideas for explosions you could cause. Maybe Dolley’s involved, too, but I don’t know what she could contribute unless a musical gave her some ideas.”

“She’s suggested some good ideas, actually. She’s seen Matilda the musical four times and that has some great pranks in. You'd better watch out or she might put hair dye in your shampoo.”

Angelica had some other ideas about what Peggy and Mattie might be sneaking off to do, but she really did not want to think about that. She was a little repulsed by the idea, even though it had been obvious from the start. Peggy and Mattie may have some kind of relationship going on. As everyone knew, Angelica took a lot of interest in her sisters’ dating life, a little too much interest some would say. Therefore, she had seen Peggy’s taste in girlfriends; she knew she liked to go for ‘the bad girl’ as she would put it. Mattie was no bad girl, that was evident, but she was just as troublesome as any of the others and there was no telling how irritating Mattie and Peggy together would be.

“Eliza is scared of dolls so just stop, okay? You’re going to give someone a heart attack.”

“Fine, I’ll do something else. Hey, did you hear about Hamilton?”

“Yes, Eliza told me.” A claim had come into the public eye recently that Alex had not legally entered the US and that all his adoption papers were false, and Eliza was being spammed with hate about it online.

“I told you, didn’t I? Jefferson stole those adoption papers and then went to the papers!”

“For fuck’s sake, Peggy, how many times do we have to go over this? It was not _him_.”

“Yeah, I know, you don’t think it was him because you and Mulligan were having a threesome with him during the blackout.”

“Can you stop with your conspiracy theories, please?” Indeed, Angelica had seen Jefferson during the blackout and he had been having sex, but it had not been with her, or Herc, or both of them.

“Okay, so someone clearly did steal the papers but it could have been anyone. Alexander has enough people who hate him. Or it could be aimed at Professor Washington. He’s trying to get into politics so this could destroy any chances he has.”

“ _He’s_ trying to get into politics? But he’s like the same age as mom and dad and they’ve both been in politics since they left school.”

“Or they could be after Martha Washington. I don’t know much about her but she must have people who don’t like her. Everyone does. Anyway, whoever is claiming Alexander is illegal is doing a sloppy job of it. The police know his adoption files were taken and they’ll be digital copies online. We all know he isn’t illegal and it will all be dealt with soon.”

“Who cares if he’s illegal, anyway?” Peggy asked. “If our government didn’t make the goddamn immigration laws so strong, it would be easier to get into the country. Though, I don’t get why anyone would want to come to America. We’re all losers.”

“Listen, I’ve got to go,” Angelica told her. “I’ve raised some money the school could use for compulsory consent classes. Maybe Mrs. Adams will listen to me this time.”

“Hey, who’s the walking egg coming towards us?”

A girl with a light brown buzz cut was approaching them. Her name was Maria Cosway, with Maria being pronounced the way you would expect, but she told everyone to call her Mari, as if Mari was a real name. It was Angelica’s insistence to call everyone other than her sisters by their full names that meant she called her Maria. They were quite good friends though she had not seen her so much recently with her having to deal with a big, messy divorce and a big, messy art project based on expectations for the female body.

She dressed specifically to challenge female gender roles, and Angelica loved it, with her assorted earrings, studs, rings and large dangling sun charms, paint stained linen shirt and a long, glittery skirt.

“Angelica!” she called with her voice holding a hint of an Italian accent.

Angelica embraced her. “What are you doing here?”

“I actually need a little help. You know Thomas who was stalking you a few months ago?”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah. He’s been texting me and he’s following me now. I need your help to get rid of him.”

“Can’t you get rid of him yourself?” Peggy asked her. “You could use your special mind powers or send him to the upside down.”

“What?”

“She looks like Eleven from Stranger Things.”

“Sorry, my sister’s a nerd.”

“Oh no, he’s coming.” Before either of them had the chance to hide, he was there in another ridiculous purple suit.

“Mornin’, ladies,” he addressed the four of them. “Hello, Mari. Are you friends with Schuyler then?”

“Yeah, we were just catching up,” Angelica answered for her, wrapping her arm around Mari’s shoulder. “What do you want, Thomas?”

“I’m here to talk to Mari. Who I suppose you could say won’t be Mari soon because you won’t be married, will you?”

Mari gave a very clearly fake laugh. “I’ll keep that part of my name at least.” The reason her divorce was going to be so messy was because the marriage in the first place had been a sort of arranged marriage situation. When she was eighteen, she had been introduced by her conservative Catholic parents to a man a good few years older than her who convinced her to marry him. Since then, he had cheated on her countless times, been too controlling until she could not take it any longer. She had called for a divorce, much to her parents’ horror and shaved off her hair. Angelica had heard the story many times.

“So now you’re not seeing anyone, I bet everyone is interested in you. Do you have to fight them off?”

“No, usually they get the idea and _leave me alone, eventually_.”

The emphasis on these words went right over his head and he went on. “So I guess it would be alright to ask you if you want to go out for dinner some time?”

Angelica looked at Mari, a look that told her firmly to refuse him, not like that would make him go away, but Mari opted for a different approach.

“Maybe,” she said, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

“Well, what can I do to turn that into a yes?”

Before Angelica could say anything, Peggy was up again. “You’ll have to impress us to see if you’re worthy. You have to do something brave and manly.”

“Like what?”

Peggy pursed her lips and looked over her shoulder. “I bet you can’t jump that fence, run to the wall over there and back here in under thirty seconds.” Angelica followed the path she was talking about with her eyes. To be able to do that would be an impressive feat with the other wall being so far away and the fence being so tall. It would be near impossible, but she knew he would try it.

“You got it.” He braced himself, taking a long step forward to propel him once he took off. Peggy got out the timer on her phone and pressed start and he began to run.

Whether it was from long legs or just a lack of balance, no one could tell for the moment was so sudden; as Jefferson approached the fence, something went wrong in his leap so that the bottom half of his body collided with the surface and he flipped over forwards, disappearing behind the fence.

The girls ran over to him and Angelica, being the tallest, got a good view to the other side. He was sprawled back in the grass, face down but clearly still conscious with the grunts he was making. However, his wrist was twisted at an odd angle.

Peggy and Mattie began to cackle with laughter as Angelica tried to shush them. “I think it’s broken. Peggy, stop it! Stop laughing! I’m calling him an ambulance.”

 

* * *

 

The flashing lights of Broadway intimidated James in the same way they filled Dolley with utter delight. He had no clue what half these musicals were about though he did try to listen when his friend was describing the plots to him.

He passed the big theater where people were lining up to get in and watch Chicago and passed a banner for Anastasia. There were a group of girls in little more than black underwear with flapper girl wigs that made him only want to walk faster. The sooner he found Dolley, the better.

She was looking for an apartment to live in during rehearsals and performances. She’d been given a little money after being cast because no one knew how successful the musical would be, but it was enough for a deposit. The thing was that she inexplicably wanted his expertise when choosing.

“Hey, stranger,” someone said from behind him. He was about to cross the road when the person ran in front of him. He saw it was Jay and he calmed down just a little.

“What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too. Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you. My mom’s on the sound team for this show called Waitress.”

This was one James knew Dolley definitely liked and one he had enjoyed the songs she played him from it. He liked the idea of the plot, too.

“Yeah, I’ve sat through so many shows. There are only so many times you can listen to baking metaphors. I’m going backstage for another, today. And what brings you here?”

“Oh, I uh…I’m seeing Dolley. She’s going to be in a new show somewhere around here.”

“Dolley? Native girl, hair in braids, always singing?”

“Yes. That’s her.”

“Well, when you’re done, I could get you two some spaces backstage. Show starts in around an hour and a half. If you want to come, just go to the stage door and knock and say you’re with Jay.”

Dolley would love that. And maybe James would not hate him so much.

“Maybe.”

“I have to tell you, if it’s not overstepping my boundaries, I did enjoy our night together. I’d like to do it some time again soon.”

James looked away to see Dolley coming round the corner. “I’ll see you.”

“James!” She hugged him, constricting his breathing. “Was that John Jay you were talking to?” He nodded. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“No he isn’t.”

“But he always looks at you in GSA. Peggy said Angelica noticed it. Do you like him then?”

“I um, don’t think so. I mean he’s attractive but I don’t think I’ll feel anything there.”

She laughed. “And he looks like a KPop star.”

“Isn’t that a bit racist?”

“I’m not talking about race; he has pink and blue hair.”

“It’s not like he likes me anyway. He’s being friendly is all.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Well, people don’t really like me.”

“I like you.”

“You know what I mean, Dolley.”

“Peggy likes you,” she went on, clearly not having heard his comment. “Thomas likes you.”

“Not anymore.”

“Why? What happened?” she asked, alarmed.

“I just realized our friendship wasn’t very healthy,” he explained. That was what had happened after all. Their entire relationship dynamic had been strange, the power one-sided and looking back, James thought more and more that he had been manipulated.

“I visited him in hospital the other day.”

James knew something happened to Thomas; he came back a few evenings before with his arm all bandaged up and settled down to watch some period drama at a high volume. What he did not know was the details of the incident. Fortunately enough, Dolley began to explain as she guided them to the apartment.

“So he was trying to impress Mari Cosway and Peggy said it would impress Mari if he could jump over a fence and he fell over it and broke his wrist. Or something. He likes France so I sang him songs from Les Mis and brought him crêpes which Herc made.”

"Well, I have some good news. A few days ago, Reuben got discharged from hospital."

"That's so great! Will he be alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. They fixed the bleeding but they think he might have regular intestinal pain that will mean he'll be in and out but nothing that will permanently affect him."

"Okay, now tell me why Jay's here then."

"Dolley, I just shared good news with you and you're back onto that."

"Please?"

From this entire discussion, James had neglected to mention that Jay had kissed him and he had even gone back to his room before almost having a panic attack and running away. Dolley would get excited and ask for more details if he did and he did not want that. He found it difficult to get so close with someone so quickly which was what caused the trouble.

“He’s here because his mom works on the musical Waitress and he said we could watch from backstage if we’re done in time.”

“What? And you didn’t tell me this early?” She grasped his hand and began to run. “We have to hurry. Jessie Mueller is leaving in a few weeks and I’ll get to see her before she goes! This is so exciting!”

Soon they were at the apartment with the friendly realtor showing Dolley around while James stood, uneasily holding their coats in the middle of the room.

“Come on, James! You don’t have to hold those. Come and look at the bathroom!” she yelled over her shoulder.

The realtor shook his hand and flashed him a wide smile. “I’m sure you’ll like this place very much. Good price. Enough space in the bedroom for two.”

“Oh. I-I’m not staying here.”

“It will be a single flat,” said Dolley.

“Ah, I see. Well, there’s space for guests. I’ll leave you two alone to look around some more.”

James took a moment to look around when he spotted something; the shower curtain was pulled further than it should be and he drew it back. There was a patch of paint just a shade lighter than the rest of the room and he knew straight away what it was covering.

“Mold. It’s probably all over the place. It won’t cause problems at first but soon it will smell bad and you’re going to be staying here a while.”

“You’re right. I don’t really feel this place anyway. I don’t think there’s even space for my playbill collection. And I wanna be near you guys.”

Dolley managed to brush the realtor off quickly, saying she was not interested in this one with little fuss though the woman did seem infuriated.

“Come on. We’re going to miss Waitress!” Dolley told him, running down the street once they were out of the building.

“It won’t start for another half hour.”

“They might not let us in if we’re any slower.”

“I can’t walk that fast! Dolley, I have asthma!”

They found the stage door surprisingly easily, round the side of the building, away from the people lining up at the entrance. After knocking, there was a long wait and in which James suggested they leave but Dolley was patient and soon they were greeted by a man wrapped up in wires, headphones and microphones. James told him that he was with Jay and they were ushered up a staircase. Posters were plastered to the wall and costumes dangled over the rail.

Jay stood at the top of the stairs, leaning against the wall and biting into a cream cheese bagel while staring straight ahead.

“I’m glad you showed. And you must be Dolley.”

“Thank you so much for inviting us!” said Dolley.

“No problem. Here, let’s go take our seats. Have you eaten?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can eat something later,” said James.

“No, there are sandwiches for the crew. I’ll make sure there are no nuts in them.”

Jay led the pair of them around a corner, a left and a right, when a heavily made up woman with strawberry blonde hair in a waitress uniform passed them. Dolley froze and pointed after her.

“Jessie Mueller,” she managed to squeeze out. “Will she mind if I ask for her autograph?”

“I don’t think so. She’s really nice as far as I can tell. She always talks to fans for ages at the stage door.”

“And what about if I tell her I loved her in Beautiful?”

“Go ahead.”

Dolley skipped off in the direction she had gone in and Jay took James around another corner until they were standing in the wings. There were some paper plates stood up on a table and James took bagel with smoked salmon inside and began to eat.

“That’s my mom over there,” said Jay, pointing to a woman wearing headphones, bent over a desk. “We can’t talk to her because she’s doing a sound check. Really hard work. And that’s some of the ensemble. Lots of swings tonight.”

“Swings?”

“They’re like the understudies to the ensemble. They always seem to be hanging around backstage even if they’re not performing that night for some reason. And this is where we’ll be sitting.” He showed him a space near the curtains, pulled up three stools. They had a good view of the stage from here.

“Oh my God, you guys will never believe what happened!” squealed Dolley, running in and jumping down in between them. “So she was really friendly and signed this penguin label I have because it was the only thing I had for her to sign. She said it was the first time anyone had ever asked her to sign a penguin. And she said she’ll come and see me in my show.”

“You’re in a show?” Jay questioned her. “Which one?”

“It’s a new one but I can’t tell you the name of it. It’s in my contract.”

“That sounds fake.”

“It’s not! I promise!”

There was the standard announcement that the show was about to start and for everyone to take their seats and switch off their cellphones before the lights went down and the music started up.

“Enjoy the show,” Jay whispered.

 

* * *

 

The warm water swirled in vibrant colors, the front of the bath purple, the end yellow and the two shades blending in the middle under which Peggy and Mattie’s feet played with each other. Their necks rose from the small mountains of bubbles. The experiment worked.

In the extracurricular Chemistry group that Mattie attended and Peggy had been attending recently, Mattie put together a bath bomb. She was no sculptor, so it was just a plain oval, half lilac and lavender-flavored, the other yellow and made to smell of honey. It was supposed to represent the two of them which was why Mattie named it ‘Pattie.’

“I’m so annoyed!” groaned Peggy.

“Why?”

“Angelica thinks we’re putting on all these pranks.”

“Well, we are.”

“You know what I mean. Angelica thinks we have a big prank planned. Not just scaring people with dolls or leaving tampons in drawers; something big. I can’t even live up to my sister’s expectations of me.”

“They’re not expectations she’s happy about. And we are literally sitting in a bath together. Are you really thinking about pranks right now?”

“What? It’s a turn on.”

“Pranks are a turn on for you?”

“I feel like such a disaster. We’ve been trying to plan something since the beginning of school and we’ve got nothing, Manning, Payne and Schuyler.”

“We have time. It’s only March. There’s nearly three months till summer vacation still.”

“How’s working with Dolley and Madison on that dumb video thing Eliza wants us to do?”

“A bit of a mess. James and I agreed we’d show some simple science experiments to do but Dolley has no idea about any of it. We need to find a talent we all share. What about you and John?”

“I haven’t talked to him yet. I’ve been practicing some impressions though.” Still drifting in the soapy water, Peggy pulled out her hair tie and held out one finger which she began wagging at Dolley.

“Stop doing that Peggy. Don’t do that. Don’t do that either. Don’t have any fun ever or you’ll get yourself in trouble and die.”

“Was that meant to be Angelica?”

“Uh huh. Now look at this.” She put on a higher voice. “Everything is perfect, life is beautiful, remember lovelies to drink enough water, uwu, I love you so much.”

“That was Eliza, right? Wait, I’m gonna film this.” Mattie scrambled out of the bath, leaving splashes all over the tiles to grab her phone.

“You’re filming me naked?”

“You can’t see anything. The bubbles hide everything.” She climbed back in and the water level rose, holding the phone high away from danger of it getting wet.

Peggy repeated the ones she had already done before continuing by tying her hair back into a ponytail. “Bonjour, mon ami. Baguette, baguette.”

“That is not how Laf speaks!”

“Yeah, but it’s funny.” She did her hair into a lower ponytail. “I love turtles and I’m completely heterosexual. No homo but Hamilton is hot.”

“That’s John.”

She continued to wear the ponytail as she did her Alex impression and  began to mumble incomprehensible sentences that all ended with her shouting “Jefferson.” Then she asked Mattie to imagine she was wearing a beanie only to begin whining in a deep voice about how masculine she was which was her impersonating Herc. Next, she pretended she had no hair at all with a shower cap and ranted in a miserable voice about the injustice of life and how pointless everything is which turned out to be Burr. She tied her hair in braids and just started singing Defying Gravity for Dolley which was even funnier due to her not knowing most of the lyrics.

“Now do me,” Mattie said.

“Ooh, I’d love to,” Peggy teased, leaning in to kiss her.

“You know what I mean. Do an impression of me.”

“Okay, well, I’m Mattie and I’m a science person and I’m super, super gay. I dye my hair all the time and I have a great ass—”

“Is that all you can think of?”

“Pretty much. You’re not easy to make fun of. Don’t splash me! It means you’re not a weird person and I said you have a great ass anyway.”

“Or I’m not interesting.” Mattie crossed her arms but was clearly not offended.

“’Course you’re interesting. Who else is as good a scientist as you?”

“I don’t know, maybe a real scientist?”

“You’re better than half of them. You’ll cure cancer someday.”

“I’m biochem not medicine.”

“You’ll figure it out. And you do dye your hair a lot, though that’s just something manic pixie dream girls do, so maybe you’re my manic pixie dream girl and I’m the brooding white protagonist.”

“Well, I thought your impressions were good. Maybe not what you were saying but the voices were pretty spot on.”

“You wanna watch some more of One Day at a Time? We could break into Eliza’s room and steal some ice cream.”

“Sounds good. But aren’t you going to wash your hair?”

“Who has the time?”

They took one long look at the masterpiece they had created in the bath before pulling out the plug and both wrapped up in towels.

“Got a challenge for you,” Peggy said as the last few purple drops spiraled down the drain. “Let’s see who can get back to the dorm first without their towel falling down.”

“Prize?”

“Uh…a lap dance from me.”

“I’m up for that. And what do I give you?”

“I don’t know. A kiss?”

“Benefits both of us. How will I reach you? Do I have to bend down?” There really was not enough of a height difference between Peggy and Mattie for her to have to bend down but Mattie liked to accentuate her height by wearing big heeled boots so this was a joke now.

“Bitch, I will climb you.”

 

* * *

 

_Therefore, in the use of this concept of ‘triggered special snowflakes’ people can avoid any criticism for making offensive comments by claiming anyone calling them out, no matter how polite the person is in calling them out, that this is just a another triggered snowflake and so can get away with what they say with no consequences._

Eliza saved the note as ‘Video 34 Script’ and slipping her phone into her jean pocket, got back to stacking plates into the dishwasher. Martha entered the kitchen with her curly hair tied up and wearing a striped blazer over her pajamas.

“You’ve been a great help, Eliza.”

“It was the least I could do.”

“Honestly, all these cops in my house, expecting me to stay home from work and make them coffee and clean up after them when they want to take my son away from me.”

For a little over a week, the police had been investigating the nature of Alex’s immigration and adoption. Alex was consistently taken out of classes as Professor Washington was questioned while teaching and Martha had been called out of the hospital where she worked to accommodate all the officers. Eliza had been completely bombarded with questions whether she went outside at college or tried to escape onto the Internet. YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, places that had once been her safe space had become as much a trap as the outside. And all because of who she was dating. This was not the legacy she had wanted to create for herself.

Her last video she had put up the night before, posting links on all her other social media sites, too. She wanted everyone to see it, everyone to see the message she had for the world; she was a YouTuber, specifically focusing on issues of feminism and when she graduated, she wanted to do some good. This was not for the purpose of making a name for herself, but if she wanted a name, she wanted it to be her own and not 'Girlfriend to Alexander Hamilton.' She was more than just his girlfriend and it reflected real world attitudes, how in movies, women were purely love interests and nothing more. Furthermore, she explained that what information she shared online was what she felt comfortable with and no one had the responsibility to try and dig further because all they were going to do was hurt people. "The world has no right to my heart" was the line she finished with, before signing off, a quote she was proud enough of to consider putting it on her wall of inspirational quotes.

“Are you afraid?”

“No. I know it’s nothing. I saw those adoption papers and when I was just a trainee doctor, I had to go into the police department all the time. I know they’re real. But if they weren’t, that’s our country’s fault, for making it so hard to get into this country. The least they could do if that was the case would be to get him a proper visa rather than trying to deport him!”

The coffee machine finished rattling and Eliza got out some teaspoons.

“I put up with this enough growing up. My dad is Mexican and he always had ‘check ups’ like this and usually it was nothing to worry about. I just want to know who would want to do this to my son.”

“Do you mind if I make a phone call?” Eliza asked.

“Go ahead. There’s plenty of time to kill. The cops will probably be here until dark. Then they’ll be back tomorrow.”

Eliza clicked on Maria’s contact details and wandered around the kitchen as she waited for a reply. On the walls were photos of the family; George and Martha at their wedding and then on their honeymoon in Hawaii; Martha receiving her medical diploma and a much younger George with hair standing beside a taxi; all their pictures with Alex. These only spanned a time period of four years, since they had adopted him, but the photos were so plentiful, it showed how proud they were of him, how much they loved him. He looked funny and awkward with short hair and a parting that fell over his eyes. His hair was only visible as being longer in his graduation pictures. There he was, in the row for the shortest of the boys and girls of average height; a postcard of Alex in Yorktown and another of him in Vega Alta; a poem he had written in high school, three sheets of paper in messy ink.

The phone rang twice before going to voicemail. That meant Maria had declined the call. Something was wrong was what Eliza’s gut instinct told her; it had been weeks since the best friends had been in contact and she had not seen her about. She had tried to talk to Angelica about it but Angelica had been thinking about other things as she usually was.

Anxious, she rang again three more times. The fourth, it went straight to voicemail, meaning she had switched her phone off or it had run out of charge.

“Is something the matter, sweetie?”

“I’m fine.”

“I know that face and I know that when someone says ‘I’m fine,’ they’re usually the opposite. Come, tell me what’s wrong.”

Eliza was not the type to keep her worries bottled away and gave in easily. “It’s my friend. She hasn’t been answering any of my texts.”

“This is a girl?”

“Yeah, her name’s Maria.”

“Are you two close?”

“Yes, I think we’re best friends. And I try to think positive all the time and to tell people that everything will be fine, but I can’t stop wondering if I’ve done something wrong.”

“I doubt it if you can’t think of anything you might have done. Let me tell you something, Eliza.” She leaned against the counter and Eliza pushed herself up to sit beside her. It was more of a struggle, being shorter than her. “Friendship between girls is important. You grow up being told by movies and books that girls are spiteful and only care about popularity, will try to steal your boyfriend and that it’s better to just be friends with boys.”

“I know.”

“You probably grew up with Mean Girls. But I barely ever had any trouble with girls. There are a few bad eggs in the mix, but girls are the ones who notice compliment you if you’ve had a new haircut and will lend you the things you need and hug you, take you out when you’re going through a difficult time to cheer you up.”

Eliza had not had many friends in high school but this description fitted perfectly those she did have. It also fitted Angelica and Peggy, and Maria. Blonde, popular cheerleaders had never pretended to be her friend nor had she done anything similar to that. Yes, there had been girls who were cruel, who whispered that she was ugly, weird, looked like a boy but that had been elementary and middle school, but boys had done that too. And in high school, some had made mean comments about her being in the same changing room as them for fear she would stare at them changing while one particular girl claimed she was pretending to be bisexual for attention. Her name had also been Elizabeth as well, but she had chosen to call herself Lizzy and Eliza still had terrible memories from some of her cruelty. It sounded like a lot but when she thought about it in comparison to how much sweetness she had received from girls, it made no difference. Martha was right; female friendship was pure.

“Now, this girl, it sounds like you and Maria are good friends. Is it possible she did just turn on you for no reason? I mean, you know her, does it seem like something she would do?”

“No. Maria is one of the strongest and kindest people I know.”

“And if you did nothing wrong…one suggestion would be to give her time to herself. But what does your gut say?”

“That something is wrong.”

“Then I strongly advise you go after her. Be there for her.” She placed her hand on Eliza’s shoulder.

“What’s taking so long with that coffee?” a policewoman shouted from the sitting room.

“Excuse me. Let me just go and deal with this,” Martha said, picking up the espresso cup. “Remember, do the right thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where did Peggy and Mattie get the bath? Whom knows? Of course I'm sure lots of fellow wlw will know the bath scene is referencing a certain recent music video as well as the referred to lap dance. The song is called Sleepover and is basically about having crushes on friends and the video is really artistic so I recommend people watching it.  
> For those who don't know, Maria Cosway was an artist and a gal pal™ of Angelica's in real life and it is a true story that Jefferson tried her and jumped over a fence and broke his wrist which I find hilarious.  
> Remember I'm on tumblr at @ninasfireescape. I may post a chapter late next week as I'm quite behind on my schedule but hopefully until next week x


	24. Have It All, Lose It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have stuck to my schedule and despite what I may have said last week have posted on time. I hope everyone enjoys x

As the door handle turned and Alex’s face appeared in the doorway, John bounded towards him, displaying his phone screen. “Alex, check this out!” It read ‘ _You are now 5% fluent in Spanish’._

“So is that app helping?”

“Yeah! It’s great because they say it out loud and I misread words sometimes so it really helps. I’m only meant to do about five sessions a day but I keep doing more.” John sighed with delight as his boyfriend came to sit beside him. “It feels like I’m really improving.”

“You know what this means, John? It’s been like two weeks and you’re already five percent so in a year you could be at a hundred!”

“Wow, I love your confidence. Pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.”

“Well, how’s this? Estoy orgulloso de ti.”

“Sorry, I don’t know what that means yet.”

“Oh, well it’s ‘I’m proud of you.’ Bésame.”

“Okay, I know what that means.” John gave into his request and they kissed and Alex unzipped his green hoodie and lifted his shirt underneath, partly for John but also to get comfortable as it had grown hotter these past few days.

“Hmm, you could do with going to the gym some more.”

“Did I ask your opinion? Believe it or not, Laurens, I don’t have to make myself look how you want me to. Wait, are Laf and Herc still around?” This was not the cleverest of questions, given that their dorm only consisted of one room and the only possible hiding place was on the top bunk where Laf usually slept. The top bunk might conceal someone small but neither of John’s tall roommates.

“No, they’re with Angelica. How was your date with Eliza, anyway?”

“We went to try this hipster café where they only serve cereal at all times of day. It was great but I felt really sick after. She’s being really good to my parents and Martha really likes her. Said I found a good match.” Alex had recently confessed that the police investigation was making him a little afraid. Some of the police seemed so adamant something was being hidden that they both worried there really had been a problem with his papers.

That was until the day before, when everything had been as cleared up as it could get. A source had appeared, someone claiming to have heard Charles Lee talking about having been the one to steal the files and it seemed like an investigation would be made into him when Alex’s adoption files had been delivered on Martha and George’s doorstep in the middle of the night along with a missing tree statue. With there being no real crime, the entire case was dropped though Martha had been sure the police had confirmed Alex as innocent weeks before as they already had his files online and had been just trying to find an excuse to separate the family which did seem plausible.

“She’s right about Eliza.”

“I could tell her about you, too. I mean, I came out to both Martha and George years ago and they were completely fine so they’d be totally cool with you. But only if you want to.”

John did like both Martha and George a lot and somehow this prospect was not at all terrifying for him. Perhaps it meant he was progressing. “I don’t mind. Maybe if you did, it would be a step forward.”

“I could invite you and Eliza over for dinner and just be like ‘this is my girlfriend _and_ boyfriend.’ They might find it hard to understand that part but they wouldn’t ask many questions.”

“Yeah, maybe. I saw Eliza looking upset the other day. Do you know what’s wrong?”

“She was?

“God, Alex, you’re so unobservant. Don’t you ever talk about your feelings about things? Or do you just talk about _your_ feelings?”

“That’s not fair! It’s just that she’s always happy. And I do listen to her talk about all the things she likes and hearing about her day because things that make her happy make me happy too.”

“Aw, cute.”

“It could just be that she was getting lots of threats online. I mean, I’m angry. This isn’t the attention I wanted at all. I wanted attention over my book, not something stupid like this. Anyway, date night?”

This had become a regular event, when the two of them had time alone together. As expected, it was never too much, just the two of them doing something small in either Alex or John’s dorm room.

“I’ll order us in some takeout. What do you want? Not pizza. You got in an argument with the delivery guy last time.”

“He came half an hour late and brought a pizza with _pineapple_ on!”

“It was a mistake. Besides, you sounded like a soccer mom. He was just trying to do his job and he didn’t make the pizza.”

“But I hate pineapple on pizza.”

“Yeah, we all know. Indian?”

Alex opened up the menu on his laptop and they chose a few of the cheapest options. Then it was a debate about which movie to watch. John knew Alex still needed to watch all the childhood classics which they had been working on since fall. This group of movies consisted mainly of Disney and John had been planning on making him watch the original Beauty and the Beast before he was allowed to see the live action movie. Unfortunately, that was not an option because they did not have the DVD and with it being one of Eliza’s favorite movies, she had insisted she was going to be there when he finally got the chance to see it.

They ended up just flicking through channels until they found a quiz show that neither of them had ever watched but were happy with because it gave them something to laugh at when participants answered questions wrong and gave Alex something to focus on as he loved quizzes and could gloat when he got the right answer and the actual participant did not.

“No, no, the answer is A, asshole!” Alex shouted at the screen, the portion of curry and rice balanced on his lap spilling over the edges of the container. As it was announced that the participant had been incorrect once again, Alex punched the air with his fist. “I told you! I told you!”

“They can’t hear you,” John reminded him.

“Where do they find these people? They’re all so stupid. Don’t they want it to be competitive?”

John just laughed and this cycle continued until Alex got so annoyed that he switched the TV off.

“Watching this is lowering my IQ.” Alex stretched his legs out along the cushions and into John’s lap and John put his arm around him. Things were going really well this date night, despite them only being relaxing indoors and eating. Things were going really well, that was, until John’s phone began to ring. It was a Facetime request from his dad.

Alex had seen and drew in closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You know you don’t have to answer.”

“No, he’ll know I’m ignoring him and carry on until I do answer. I’ll just get it over with. Would you mind?” John gave Alex a gentle push away from him so it would look like he was alone. His father’s stern face appeared onscreen and behind it, Alex was pulling faces.

“Jack, I got an email from one of your professors.” Henry Laurens was not the type to waste time on social niceties like polite greetings; he got straight to the point and the point here was apparent. Already, he felt like he was in trouble and tried to keep his breathing steady.

“He said on your last test you got a very high B, two marks off an A and they are very impressed. So what I wanted to say was to keep up the work and you might be on target. Been putting a stop to that drawing, huh?” It was true John had been doing less drawing but that was mostly because he had no clear art goal, having finished the art for Alex’s book which he still had not told his dad about.

“The kids are looking forward to seeing you at Easter. Harry’s been doing very well on the team and Martha has herself a boyfriend.” Of course, John knew these things from correspondence with his siblings but he did not say this. As he was getting ready to say goodbye, Alex accidentally dropped a fork which hit the floorboards with a crack.

“What was that? Is someone there with you? Am I interrupting some special time between you and Mattie?”

“No, no. It’s just my friend, Alex.”

“Oh yes, I remember him, the adopted one. Let’s see him, then.”

Alex shook his head and mouthed “no” but he was asked again and John turned the screen towards him.

“Oh, hi, Mr Laurens.”

“Yes, hello. Alex? Is that short for Alexander? What’s your major?”

“Triple major, sir. English, Polisci and Law.”

“That must be a lot of work.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Well, you must be a very good influence on John. Are you two alone?”

“Oh, Herc just went to the bathroom. He’ll be back soon,” John lied. He had to do his because he knew his father could get suspicious from something as small as two boys alone together.

“And where’s Mattie?” There must have been some tremble in John’s face that led to him saying “Has she broken up with you?”

“No, we are, we—”

“There’s no need to lie to me. I’m your father after all. It's a shame but it tells you things you can work on to find a new girlfriend.”

“We haven’t broken up.”

“Don’t lie.” He continued addressing Alex. “This one has never been the best at winning over the ladies. This Manning girl was his first girlfriend. Let me tell you, his mother and I were so worried about him and quite surprised when he introduced her to us. His brother is fifteen and is doing better than him, though that haircut he used to have wasn’t doing him any favors. I bet half the girls thought he _was_ a girl.” He gave that haunting laugh and John covered his face. He felt Alex clutch his hand, out of sight. Alex wanted to fight back and just from his tight grip, he could feel him restraining himself.

“What about you? Got a special girl?”

“Uh, yeah. My girlfriend, Eliza.”

“Eliza? What a pretty name. Well, if she has a friend or a sister, perhaps you can introduce her to my son. Anyway, I’d better be off now.” Before anyone had the chance to say goodbye, his dad’s face vanished. There was silence in which Alex stayed holding John’s hand.

“I want to punch him in the face,” Alex professed.

“He’s hundreds of miles away.”

“Maybe at Easter I’ll hide in your suitcase and I can come with you just to punch him.”

“Alex, there’s something I need to tell you about. God, how do I even begin with this?” John sighed. He felt bad because he knew he should have said this a long time ago. “I am not okay and I haven’t been in a while. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I do drink quite a bit.”

Alex’s lips parted just a little, realization and regret hitting him and John went on.

“I hate myself and I use it to escape because I really couldn’t stand it. Like me, being who I am. I just hated being conscious and having to go through every day with so much going on inside my head.”

“Have you ever self-harmed?” Alex whispered. “Or wanted to kill yourself?”

“Not exactly. I…yeah I guess I hurt myself but not cutting or anything. I used to feel like I could drop dead all the time but wasn’t able to. I wasn’t brave enough to force myself to jump off a building or walk into the middle of a road. So I kind of did things that would hurt, like passive self-harm. You know, turning the shower to full heat, walking across roads without looking. Drinking is meant to ruin your liver anyway, but I know I won’t ever be able to do anything actively.”

Losing some of his tension, Alex held his face between his hands. “Is this because of your dad?”

“It’s not just him. My mom. She’s not like outwardly being rude but she gets into my head. She was the one who cut my hair. I lied when I said I wanted to cut it and I guess their whole fuss about cutting my hair was linked to homophobia and masculinity. They don’t like me drawing either and confiscate my drawing equipment which is the same, but it’s not about being not straight that they make me hate myself because they don’t know.”

“Then what is it?”

John tried to put into words how to explain, worrying he would only make it more confusing. “I always feel like I’m the biggest disappointment out there. My parents have such high expectations for me to carry on the family name. My dad wanted me to be him and to become a lawyer, get top grades and everything. They don’t care what I’m interested in. They’re just counting on me to succeed and I can’t. I’m the oldest son and the most useless. I have dyslexia and they say that’s just my excuse to be a slacker and a few years ago my mom had a miscarriage. It was seven months into the pregnancy, late enough that the baby already had a name and there was a body to bury, but I know they blame me for it. They were so stressed about my grades at the time and they say stress causes miscarriages, right? Look, this is stupid. You’ve been through so much worse than me and you’re fine.”

“Laurens, I didn't know about any of this, not the miscarriage or...it's horrible. I'm not fine either but you can't compare what you're going through to me because I would be just the same if I were in your position. You can’t just ignore your own problems because it seems like others’ are more important. Your feelings are completely valid, okay?”

“I know, I know, it’s just—”

“It’s not okay for them to treat you that way. It’s horrible and we need to find you some help, someone to talk to. I mean, when I got here, I had a therapist and though it made me feel bad at the start, she did help me in the end. If you don’t even want to see anyone, I have some of her coping worksheets at home, I could ask Martha to drop them off.”

“Alex, please, can I just finish? What I was going to say was that was at the start of the year. I feel safer here than I do at home and I always thought that being gay was something bad, something that was a curse on me. But finding you, I always feel like I can be happy and myself with you. Obviously I’m not going to be someone to claim being in a relationship solves all your problems but I feel like I’m drinking less. I still want…to die a lot but it’s not the same. And I realized that you make me strong. Loving you, it makes me strong.”

“It makes me strong, too. Laurens—”

“You’re not going to make a speech, are you?”

Ignoring him, Alex stood up on the cushions and began to speak quickly, waving his arms around. “I love you, John Laurens, and I also love my girlfriend, Eliza Schuyler, and you know what?”

“What?”

“She was right. We’re so lucky to be alive at the same time. We’re lucky because we have each other.”

"Yeah. Well, I guess I better text Mattie and tell her we've broken up."

"If you want, I can set you up with one of Eliza's sisters to be your new fake girlfriend like your dad said. Would you be up for dating Peggy or would you prefer Angelica?"

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure this will work?” Alex whispered to Angelica as they waited in the dark. It was a cloudy night, the sky a gray-blue, with not even a sliver of moon present.

“I hope so.”

“So you don’t know?”

“Alexander, I can’t be certain about everything. I’m not even involved in this.”

“Well, thanks for helping me, anyway.”

“Oh, believe me; I’m doing this for Eliza, not you. I would rather not interact with that man again but when it involves my sister, I am willing to. I’m not letting you get her into any more trouble.”

“What happened with the adoption files wasn’t my fault! I’ve told you already! It was Lee!”

“Yes, I know, but it hurt her enough.”

“Angelica, why do you treat her like she’s a child?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Eliza’s nineteen. She’s only a year younger than you and of course she needs love but don’t you think you don’t need to be so overprotective of her?”

“I’m not overprotective.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I just look out for my sisters.” She fixed him a glare that cut off his next point. “If he goes telling people you’re cheating on her, you know what they’d be saying about her thanks to the misogynistic world we live in. It would be about how she’s not _pleasing_ you enough or something like that, and I’m not letting that happen to her. Look, here he comes.”

From the shadows came a tall and dark figure. With them sheltered away from light, the only thing they could see was white teeth, set in a grin, but the person became less menacing as they stepped forward and their purple suit could be made out in the darkness, making them identifiable.

“Nice to see you both,” Jefferson said, stepping in front of them to form a triangle. His arm was bandaged up and Alex stared at it. A few people had signed the cast but all names were unreadable.

“What happened to you?” Alex spat, taking a step back as he could not bear standing this close to him. He was drenched in that foul cologne he wore everywhere and it repulsed Alex.

Jefferson pointed to his wrist. “Oh, just an accident.”

“He broke his wrist jumping over a fence because he was trying to impress a girl,” Angelica corrected him and when he glowered at her she retaliated with a sardonic smile. “Do you have any problem with the truth, Thomas?”

“What is this about, Schuyler?”

“Alexander wants to know who you’ve told about certain events you saw occurring behind the bike sheds.”

“Wait, how much do you know?”

“I know you caught him and John Laurens making out.”

“So you’re here to warn me not to tell anyone that he was cheating on his girlfriend.”

“Oh, for goodness sake. What kind of an idiot does it take to think I would side with anyone cheating on my sister in any situation?”

“I’m confused.”

“What I’m trying to tell you is he was not cheating on her. Alexander, do you want to elaborate to him?”

Alex scowled. He had thought he would be able to go through with this but he found himself angered again, purely from being in his presence. “Fine. Jefferson, if you have to know, I’m bisexual. Do you know what that means?”

“Obviously.”

“I’m surprised.”

“I probably am, too, so I gotta know what it means.”

“Oh.”

“College is the time for experimentation, right?”

That was more the type of answer Alex had been expecting. “Well, I don’t really care about people knowing. I don’t go announcing it but I don’t care if you want to tell people that. You can go ahead. I don’t care. And I’m also polyamorous which means I want to date more than one person at once. That’s something I don’t want people to know because I’m just figuring it out for myself, but I’m openly dating Eliza and secretly dating John.”

“So you are cheating?”

“No! They both know about each other, okay?”

“Calm down.”

“I am calm! But yeah, John isn’t out to his family or to many people, so you can’t go round spreading rumors about this.”

“I’d never do that.” Alex did not believe him and that must have been apparent in his expression. “Come on, I wouldn’t. I have standards and going after someone’s sexuality ain’t my style. I gotta admit, it was tempting to tell people you were cheating, but it’s not like I have anyone I really can tell.”

“What does that mean?”

“I guess you know I lost my right hand man.”

“I take it you mean James,” Angelica replied, coldly.

“You know, I’m trying to act like it’s cool and I don’t care, but I don’t have anyone I’m really close with who I can tell things to anymore. Feels like it’s affecting all of me. Hell, I haven’t even hooked up with anyone since, you know.” He looked at Angelica for this point and she nodded, comprehending. Alex stared between them.

“Angelica, if you hooked up with him—”

“Alexander, have you been talking to Peggy? Thomas and I have never hooked up and I can very proudly say we never will.”

“Well, you never know,” said Jefferson, but Angelica put up a hand to silence him.

“Never,” she reaffirmed. “And yes, I happen to know who he is talking about, but I am not going to tell you just as you don’t want him to tell about you and John.”

“Hey, Schuyler, can I ask you a favor? Can you tell Mads I miss him and I think I’m ready for us to put aside our differences and become friends again?”

“Of course I can tell him, but I know you and I know if he says no, you’re going to carry on pushing.”

“That’s not true.”

“Really? I’ve seen you doing the same with Maria Cosway when she made it very clear she wasn’t interested.”

“Well, I don’t know about that.”

Alex really did not know what drama he had gotten himself stuck in the middle of but he was entertained until he reminded himself as to why he was actually here.

“Jefferson, can you promise that you will not tell another soul what you saw?”

“Sure.”

“No, say it. And I need to record it.” He got out his phone and videoed as the full vow was repeated.

“Then we have all we need,” said Angelica. “Thank you for your time, Thomas. We’ll leave you to vape or whatever it is you’re going to do after this.” She gripped Alex’s arm and they turned their backs, when he called out to them one more time.

“However, there is something I think you oughta see.”

“What is it this time?” asked Angelica without turning around again but Alex peered over his shoulder and knew that there was now something sinister in that smile he hated so furiously.

“Well, I was looking up Hamilton after all that happened with your adoption records. Shame it was all just lies in that case because I wouldn’t have put it past you to have not come here legally.”

“Fuck you!”

“Wait, let me finish. I got way too deep into a forum. And on this forum, there happened to be a picture of a certain Hamilton kissing someone who looks strangely like your boyfriend.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Oh, I can prove it. I saved it, just to be sure. Here you are.” It was his turn to pull out his phone which had a night portrait of the Eiffel Tower as its case. Alex and Angelica studied what was onscreen and his anger returned all at once. It was definitely him and definitely John with him though it was hard to identify him, and he could pinpoint exactly when it had been taken as they rarely got close when outside of a dorm. People were stalking him.

And he was angry with Jefferson even though he knew he should be grateful that this had been pointed out to him, no matter how cruel the manner it had been done in. It definitely was from a forum; he had taken a screenshot so some comments could be seen underneath.

“Are you sure you didn’t post this?”

“I already told you. Hamilton, I’m not gonna go that far to shame you. You should be thanking me.”

“I will never thank _you_ for anything. Angelica, what do we do?”

“Thomas, as we said earlier, you are not to tell anyone about this. Alexander, you won’t either. Leave it to me. I’ll talk to Eliza and I’m sure Peggy can hack into it and find a way to take it down, and I’ll tell John—”

“No. Angelica, you can’t tell him. He’s got so much on his mind right now and this will make him go really bad.” He thought about what John said earlier, how his parents made him feel like he did not want to be alive any longer. He could not let it go any further than that and he could not let John blame himself for this.

 

* * *

 

 Just as Eliza had hoped, her sister was in the Alpha Xi sitting room, still in her dressing gown, talking to Theo.

“Angelica,” Eliza called to her and Angelica’s face revealed concern.

“Eliza, is everything okay?” Sensing something was wrong, she rushed over and hugged her.

“I need to ask you about something. I’ve been asking around and no one has seen Maria. “I need to know when the last time you saw her was.”

Angelica relaxed. “Maria is fine. I saw her about a week ago; a lot sooner than when she stopped talking to you.”

“Did you? Did she look alright?”

“She lives in the same house as me; of course I’m going to see her. She doesn’t spend a lot of time here anymore. She’s half moved in with her boyfriend.”

“Well then why has no one else seen her around? A girl in one of her classes said she hasn’t been to any of their lectures in ages.”

“Perhaps she’s dropped out. It must be stressful having to go between two schools and she is more moving towards a career in cosmetics so maybe she’s sticking to that.”

“If she’s dropped out, why isn’t she answering any of my phone calls?”

“Eliza, you don’t sound like yourself. If someone else were worried you’d tell them to stay calm and think positive.”

“Yes, but this is Maria. I can’t not worry about her. I know her and I know she wouldn’t just ignore me.” She was shaking, trying to think of something to say that would not make Angelica think she was raving mad. “Look, can I just check on her? Ask some of the other girls or see if she’s in her room? It’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”

Angelica sighed. “I don’t know what to be sorry about but if you must.” She turned to address the other girls seated around them, talking amongst themselves. “Has anyone seen or talked to Maria recently?”

They all looked puzzled and everyone tried to recall when they had last seen her, as if they hadn’t even realized she was missing. For most of them, it had been weeks. The most recent encounter with her came from Theo. Theo had seen her coming late one night, looking very tired and running up the stairs. She had tried to ask her if she was alright but it seemed as if she had not heard. This was three nights ago.

“You know what, it does sound worrying,” Theo ended.

“Can we go to her room?” Eliza asked.

“We’ll take you,” groaned Angelica. The tone she used with Eliza now was one she had heard before though mostly directed at Peggy for example with Peggy’s theories about who stole Alex’s adoption papers. Angelica did not mean to but she belittled Peggy’s ideas and she was doing the same to Eliza and Eliza now understood how bad it felt.

Upstairs, Maria’s bedroom door was completely shut. Eliza tried the doorknob and it twisted but the door itself was stiff and took the weight of all three girls combined to push whatever was blocking it out of the way with a crash.

Maria’s bedroom was just as red as it had always been and at a first glance, the only thing that was strange was the desk lying on its side in front of the door, presumably what had been used to barricade it shut. At a second glance, Eliza spotted the vases lining her window sill. They used to contain red roses, Maria’s favorite, that her boyfriend always used to send her, but now those roses were strewn on the carpet, shredded and rotting. The curtains were drawn, letting in only a sliver of light, the bed not made but not appearing to have been slept in for a while. Eliza knew these things were odd but could not find an exact meaning behind them.

Without a word to Angelica or Theo, she crept to the door that led on to a bathroom. She tried this door but it just would not budge. Someone had locked it from the inside. That was when she started to panic. It could just be that Maria or whoever it was just happened to be using the bathroom for its intended purpose but based on the entire situation in the room before them, that seemed highly unlikely. If Maria were in there showering or on the toilet, she would have heard them entering and called out to check who was there, surely.

Peggy was the one who could pick locks. She was always breaking into places where she should not be, Eliza’s room and teachers’ offices. Still, Eliza borrowed a hairgrip from Angelica and gave it her best shot. It must have been her determination, some surge of adrenaline, that allowed the lock to twist and, as quickly as she could, Eliza pushed the door open.

A glint of silver flashed off Eliza’s retina then there was the sound of clattering metal.

It was Maria. She sat in the empty bathtub, cradling her knees. Her hair had become greasier and frizzier than usual and smudged mascara ran down from her eyelashes while her lips held the remnants of red lipstick. Next to her was a sharp knife, likely what she had just dropped. Upon seeing them, she disintegrated into racketing sobs that shook her whole body, but no tears came. It was as if she had used all her tears.

“Maria!” Eliza climbed in beside her, reluctant to hold her at first but she stroked her hand. Her friend’s eyes were blank, staring sadly into the distance. “Okay, Angelica, Theo, can you get some water and a blanket? And a hot water bottle?”

The other two left and Maria leaned forward, wrapping her arms completely around her. “Eliza? You’re here? You’re not…him?”

Eliza did not know who she was talking about but she shook her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m here.”

Once Angelica and Theo were back, the three of them assisted Maria in leaving the bathroom and Angelica confiscated the knife. She drank the water in one go.

“How long have you been here?”

“Three days,” she rasped.

“Have you been eating or drinking?”

“I drank some water from the sink.”

“Okay, she hasn’t eaten.” Eliza took some deep breaths herself, because, whatever had gone on here, she could not make it sound like she herself was panicking. That would only scare Maria more. “Maria, we’ll get you something as soon as possible. Can you tell us what happened?”

It took her some effort to explain; stuttering and opening her mouth before crying again, muttering “I can’t,” on repeat, but they were patient. “I left,” she cried. “I walked out on him.”

“On who? James?”

She nodded. “I shouldn’t have. He-he said I couldn’t last without him and he was right. He said I couldn’t escape him, that I’d go back to him. He’s going to come after me.”

“Oh God,” Angelica said. “Was that why you blocked the door?”

“I’m so scared he’s going to come after me. I needed to be prepared.” The knife, locking herself in the bathroom, her not getting up to eat; it was all built on her fear and her need to protect herself. She may have starved. If only Eliza had searched for her sooner.

“Did he ever hurt you?” Eliza took her hand again, and she clutched the hot water bottle closer.

She gave another nod.

“When did it start?”

“December. But the first time, it was an accident. He just got angry and smashed a mug and it cut me, but it was my fault. I made him angry.”

Some severe mental manipulation had taken place here, along with physical harm, but Maria was in no state to continue talking about it. Nor was she in any state to talk to police which was why Eliza dismissed Theo when she tried to dial 911.

“Has he…been controlling who you talk to?”

“He said I couldn’t trust you. That you all look down at me. He got angry when I texted you, Eliza.”

“Can we have a word?” Angelica dragged Eliza to the corner. “What are we going to do about her?”

“Well, we’ll call the cops, but not now. Tomorrow. Right now, she needs food and rest and people here for her. She was putting up with an abusive boyfriend for months and she needs to know she has people who actually love her.” She turned back to Maria. “You need to eat something. You can have anything.”

“I don’t know,” she replied.

“Some toast,” Eliza concluded. “And chocolate will cheer you up.” The girls were headed to the door when Maria reached out a hand from her chair.

“Eliza,” she breathed. “Stay.”

Eliza recognized the problem, saw that she did not want to be alone, that she was terrified out of her mind that in the few minutes it would take to get her some food, James would come for her. She had to stay with her and with a nod, let the others go on.

“Here, let’s get you into something comfier.” She had been wearing a black dress that covered her arms and went down to her knees but was still tight, squeezing her curves into jagged edges.

So she got Maria out of the dress and let her take off her underwear with her back turned, then got her into a nightdress, even though it was morning. She wiped her face clean and helped her climb into the bed. There was a spare blanket in the closet and plenty of spare cushions to prop her up.

“He gave me those roses,” she whispered, gesturing to the collection gathering on the floor.

“Well, then, there’s a place they belong.” Eliza picked up a handful and dropped them in the trashcan.

Afterwards, she climbed into the bed beside her, balancing her ribcage on Maria’s spine and finding Maria’s hand beneath the duvet.  Her bone jutted from her wrist and she had noticed when she saw her first how skeletal her legs had appeared. Maria had always been comfortable in her own skin, chubby and happy with that. You did not lose this much weight from not eating, even if it had been a few days, which meant it had been going on a lot longer.

Eliza stayed there with her after Angelica and Theo had come back and left again and for the rest of the day, still until it felt like they were statues, eternally locked in loving warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* gay  
> Anyway, the drama will continue from here so as always you can leave a comment or message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	25. The World Will Never Be The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. There's a long and hopefully emotional chapter ahead. Warnings for some minor flashbacks to abuse. In this chapter, a certain person's possessions are going to be burned. So everyone enjoy x

The girl in the floor-to-ceiling mirror was Maria and was not Maria, simultaneously. Maria recognized her, but it was like she was a character in a movie; she had watched her go through her life before everything changed but that life had not been happening to her. That girl, who had just a few months ago been thriving, was dead. The new girl, standing here before her was skinnier and seemed to be made of glass; one push too hard and she would shatter.

Every step she took, she could feel him, his fingerprints left all over her body, claiming her as his property. In the night, the ghosts of his hands would crawl up her thighs and she heard her past self, begging for him to stop as he showed her again and again, this was what people did to girls like her. Now, she could not go anywhere alone without falling to pieces. He had told her he could not live without her and she in turn could not live without him to the point that it stuck and she knew she would be dependent on others for the rest of her days. Glancing down at herself, if she saw a bra strap showing, she could immediately hear his shouts, using that word, that horrible word.

 _WHORE._ It was written across her forehead in block capitals, for the entire world to see. That was all the world had always seen.  It was just that now she could see it too.

Eliza zipped up the back of the dress. “There. You look just like a princess. Spin.”

The dress floated up just a little above her knees with its endless layers and Eliza clapped her hands.

“I’ll pay for it. Birthday treat.”

“But you already bought me a present.” Yes, today was Maria’s birthday and she was nineteen. It had been less than a week since Eliza, Angelica and Theo discovered her in that bathtub though it felt like much longer. She wanted to keep herself confined at home and Eliza agreed it was not the best idea for her to return to classes. Angelica was carrying out her role of seeking out the few students who knew anything about what happened to Maria and making sure their mouths were shut. Angelica got in touch with a local, prestige law firm and said she would pay for it because James needed to be in trouble for what he had done. Maria was going to try and pay her back as much as she could. She had yet to share the full story so she had not confirmed that his abuse extended beyond verbal and some physical but Angelica would have guessed. If it could be proven all of what he did to her, he could land himself in prison for some time, though Maria did not think she could relive the experience and there was no actual evidence any of it had happened. James always made sure not to leave marks.

Eliza decided she could not stay shut up in that sorority house on her birthday but had not pressed her to go out. The idea of enjoying herself with her friends at her side had appeared so appealing and she had taken the subway downtown with the Schuyler sisters.

“I’m not sure I can, Eliza.”

“What?”

“It feels like he’s watching me and I know he probably is. He’s out there, somewhere.”

The girl dressed up in blue squeezed her hands then slowly let her fingers slide up Maria’s forearms. Her touch was a thousand times milder and less insistent than James’ had ever been. She was careful and made Maria feel like she could say no if she got too uncomfortable.

“I know,” she said. “I won’t lie to you. He is out there and he will come for you at some point, but he won’t do anything. He can’t.”

“You know, it’s not your fault, Eliza.”

She chuckled, nervously. “What do you mean?”

“I heard you and Angelica talking the other day. You were blaming yourself for what happened to me for not coming to me sooner and Angelica blamed herself for not listening to you.” Maria had heard Angelica confess there and then she was treating Eliza like a child. She professed her anger with herself at not having figured the whole thing out. She was meant to be the observant one, she said, but she did not realize when one of her friends was in danger. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is and now I’m making you pick up all the pieces. I wish I had never been born to give you such unhappiness.”

Eliza swept her into her arms. “Please don’t think that. You know, it’s something abusers do; blame their victims for their actions so they don’t have to take any responsibility."It was weird to hear someone call him an abuser. Part of her even thought it was a step too far. He acted as if all his behavior to her was normal. Victim, she found, sounded like an ugly word, miserable and weak. If she was going to be called that, these supposed synonyms illustrated her perfectly. “James Reynolds is a bad person and bad people don’t act bad relative to who they’re with. He could have been dating me or Angelica or Peggy – actually, not Peggy – and he would have treated us exactly the same way.”

Maria was going to protest, that Eliza was too good to ever get in trouble but there was some truth behind her words and for that, she was grateful.

“Let’s make a promise,” Eliza said. “We’ll never apologize for the faults of men.” She put out her pinky finger. Maria sighed and wrapped her finger around Eliza’s and they shook. “We’re going to get you back to your old self.”

“What if I don’t want to be my old self?”

Eliza stood behind Maria, peering over her shoulder, and held her hand again. “Then we’ll help you find the new you. Maria Lewis second edition. Braver and stronger than the original and even happier to be herself.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call myself brave.”

“Well, you are. You managed to start your own lipstick line. I could never do that. You were in an abusive relationship and came out barely scratched. Anyway, the dress?”

It was a bit short for her at this point and a bit low cut. She would feel too self-conscious wearing it though she did like it a lot. “It’s a bit fancy and the heels are a bit big.”

“Okay, well I have another idea. I picked this up.” It was a scarlet, satin top, sleeveless with a high neck collar. It would be ideal for spring. “You could just wear it with your black jeans and boots and it would be great.”

Maria held it up against herself. She still worried she was showing too much skin but she could always wear a jacket over it. “I love it.”

“Good. I’m paying!” They dashed out of the changing room and gave the dress back to one of the assistants. Angelica was waiting by the counter with Peggy browsing through a rack of chokers.

“You took your sweet time, didn’t you?” said Peggy.

“You can talk. You’ve been trying to choose between two identical chokers for half an hour,” Angelica pointed out.

“They’re not identical. This one’s slightly thicker than the other and it has a space charm while this one has a sun charm.”

“These are quite nice.” Eliza stopped to look at the chokers too and pulled out one made up of a simple blue ribbon tied in a bow at the front. “I’m buying this as well.”

While Eliza was paying at the counter, Peggy came to Maria’s side. “We never do these shopping trips with anyone else. It’s a Schuyler thing only. That means you’re like an honorary Schuyler sister. Except that’s kind of incest because I’m pretty sure you’re fucking Eliza.”

She laughed. “Thanks, Peggy. You guys have been so nice to me and I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

“In cash form, I hope. Nah, I’m kidding.”

Eliza returned to them, clutching shopping bags in her hands. “Maria, I was thinking of ways we can help discover the new you. We could get your hair styled however you want.”

Somehow, this idea thrilled Maria. “I have always wondered what I’d look like with short hair.”

Outside the store was a whole shopping street with stalls set up along the pavement to make easy money out of the thousands of tourists coming to New York. Maria caught sight of a flower stall with the most beautiful plants in full bloom. Maria loved plants and would have grown so many of her own if her apartment had a garden. Instead, she used to use the flower pots on the windows to grow seeds you could get on children’s nature walks.

A man had also approached the stall, his back to her, and began to gather up red roses into a bunch. He wore a western hat and a brown leather jacket.

She squeezed her eyes shut but could hear him, even blocking her ears, coming for her. She was back in that room with no one else there, utterly alone, and she felt herself fall to the ground, screaming for the help that would not come to her.

“Maria! Maria!” He was shaking her by the shoulders.

“No, please, leave me alone!”

“Maria!” She realized that the voice that had been calling to her was a woman’s and was not angry at all but frenzied. She pulled her hands from her hears and looked up to see Eliza standing over her with Angelica and Peggy behind her. She looked directly ahead to the man with the cowboy hat whom she had been so certain was James. Yes, it was the same hat but now she could see his face, she knew it was not him. His skin was darker and his face longer and he did have hair, long and black. He gawked at her, holding the red roses he had been meaning to buy. Of course he was gawking at her; she had fallen to the pavement, shouting in the middle of a busy street. Just a crazy girl.

 

* * *

 

“You all set?”

Angelica was entirely prepared with everything she would need to make her case. She had bags of money, separated into different coins and different notes and the amount inside each written on the outside. It was more than five hundred dollars altogether. She had made a binder, containing surveys and statistics and all the news clippings from the protest back in December and interviews with students from around campus to see how much a consent program would mean to them. She waited outside Mrs. Adams’ office with Herc beside her.

“I’m not sure I should be doing this.”

“You’re kidding right? You’ve been trying to set up this program for months.”

“She won’t listen anyway. And what good can consent classes do? The same people who would call this a joke are the ones most likely to be perpetrators so they’ll be so stubborn in believing this is a joke that they will go out of their way to ignore everything we say. I should just leave.”

“What’s going to happen to all your hard work though? And all that money?”

“Are you hinting you want me to give it to you for your tailoring business?”

“No! This is much more important than that. I’ve never seen you give up on anything. You’re stubborn but in a good way. Didn’t you say that thing about how it’s important to always ask for more instead of accepting what you get otherwise the world will never be able to move forward.”

“Yes.” Her shoulders slumped. She was worn out. “I thought it was good to never be satisfied, but what if me being stubborn is what landed us here?”

“Is this about Maria?” he asked.

“It’s changed things. Obviously, it couldn’t affect anybody more than it hurt Maria. She needs a therapist. She had a full-on flashback on the street this morning. But it shook Eliza and I up, too. I think it’s really changed our world view. Like Eliza, she’s so sweet because she always wants to say things will get better and this year’s hardly been good for her. She was crying to me the other day but she didn’t want Maria to see her because Maria thinks she’s putting a strain on us with this. And I…I feel guilty, okay. I am stubborn and I don’t listen to other people and am only focused on one thing at a time and that meant I couldn’t notice what was going on with Maria. I was too obsessed with hypothetical abuse to notice real abuse happening to someone I care about and too full of myself to listen to Eliza when she said something was wrong.”

“That’s sucks. But, you know, you can’t know everything that’s going on.”

“I figured out all the secret crushes and relationships going on around me; figured out Eliza had a crush on Alexander and John had a crush on Alexander; realized the Thomas and James thing; figured out about Theo and Burr. You know, that’s the problem; I say I care about important things but all I’ve been thinking about is the really stupid relationship drama that doesn’t matter.”

“It’s weird seeing you like this, Angie. If you stop fighting, you won’t be the same and the world won’t be the same. Think about all you’ve done for this college.”

“Well, we’d be nowhere without you, either, Hercules.”

“We wouldn’t be a squad without me there.”

“Oh, we’d be a _squad_ alright. We just wouldn’t look as good because we wouldn’t have your fashion expertise.”

“Very flattered, Angie.”

“I’m never going to get you to stop using that awful nickname, am I?”

“No way.”

“Let’s do this.” She knocked three times on the door.

“Come in,” Mrs. Adams called and they both entered. “Hello, Angelica,” she said, sunnily. She was stretched out in a rather grand office chair and had a notepad balanced on her knee. She indicated for them to both take seats. “How are you?”

“I’m alright,” Angelica replied, using the default answer.

“What’s your name? she asked Herc.

“Herc.”

She scribbled this down on her paper.

Angelica cleared her throat. “I’m here to talk about a consent program being set up for this college.” She had anticipated an interjection before the end of the sentence which led to a long period of silence after she had spoken but eventually, she continued. “So, from various fundraising events, we have precisely five hundred and three dollars and forty-nine cents. I know it’s nowhere near enough to set up something campus-wide but it should be a good starter and I personally believe this is something the faculty should be willing to invest in for both reputation and the safety of your students. We could have so much media attention and you would pave the way for other universities to follow in your footsteps.

She raised her eyes from the floor for a second, a spot she had been focusing on as she tried to recall the speech she had memorized. Mrs. Adams was listening closely to her, her chin resting on the palm of her hand.

“We had people from minor news outlets show up to our first protest in December, the Take Back the Night walk which is proof that though we raised no money, we certainly raised awareness. The articles they wrote can be seen in this file I’ve made for you. I have interviewed around campus and seventy three percent of students said they think we should have classes, forty-eight thought they should be obligatory and sixty five percent said they would be interested in attending. I have a powerpoint I can show you if I could just use the projector.”

“There’s really no need.”

“But, professor, I have been working hard for this and I think it would be really beneficial.”

“Angelica, there’s no need because we have had a staff discussion about this already and the course will be set up by the beginning of the next semester.”

“What? Really?”

“Yes. There was a meeting a few days ago, where we took it to a vote. We had a few opposing it but those in favor made up the majority. I want you to know I was arguing for you the whole way through, along with Professor Ross.” Angelica did not know about that, seeing as Mrs. Adams had been the one telling her to back off when she came to see her in October, but now was not the time to point that out. She need to be tactful as she was finally getting what she had fought for so hard.

“Thank you.”

“We’ve all seen how much this means to you so I’ll take your file and show it to the people not agreeing with you to see if I can persuade them as well. If you have time, we’ll try and consult you throughout the next few months to see if you can direct us to what books we should read for this and people to talk to.”

“That will be great. Thank you so much.”

“You have a lot of spirit and I admire that. Don’t lose it.”

Angelica and Herc left the office with her smirking.

“That was easy.”

“No, it wasn’t. Still, I can’t complain. Even though they all treated it really poorly at the start other than Professor Ross, it worked and that’s what’s important and we have to act like we’re grateful.The next step is getting them to take more notice of cases on campus and give out consequences even for things they think are small like stalking which is not at all a small thing.”

“You didn’t tell her about Maria.”

“No, and no teachers here will know what happened to her unless she decides to tell them directly. Leave it to the police. I’ve learnt from my mistakes.”

“What mistakes?” Herc asked.

“I know that teachers are terrible at dealing with their students’ personal problems, even if they tell them to come to them if they are feeling sad or anything. In high school, so many girls I knew were dealing with mental health issues because that’s what it’s like to be a teenager nowadays but I didn’t understand why none of them ever wanted to speak to teachers about it. This bitch in Eliza’s grade was making biphobic comments about her and Eliza was in tears most days so I went to one teacher I trusted and told her how much it was upsetting her. Within a day, she had been outed to every teacher and kept being taken from lessons and spoken to as if she were a baby and told a thousand times that they had no problem with her sexuality, even if she changed her mind which was basically hinting they didn’t believe her. It made her problems so much worse and they banned her from going on a trip with this girl because they were ‘worried she would get upset being around her’ so they were punishing her for being bullied. Teachers say not to bottle your problems up but then only make you want to more which isn’t good for you. So yeah, I’d rather Maria spoke to a professional about this. I'm headed to meet home to get ready for this evening. Want to come?”

"No, I'm going back to my dorm. I'll see you later."

 

* * *

 

“I think this is all of it,” said Maria, holding out the cardboard box. Despite the events that had transgressed earlier, she seemed much happier. Perhaps it was the new haircut she had. It was a messy bob that made the natural caramel highlights in her hair stand out and perfectly complemented her facial features. She kept the side parting so that a section swept over her eyes. She had put on a very light and translucent red lipstick for this evening and her new shirt with ripped jeans.

There was to be a bonfire, another idea of Eliza’s, before their movie night. It had been a month and now the short videos for the hypothetical late night comedy show Eliza planned were to be shown. Eliza had none of the details about any videos other than her own. Even Peggy was keeping her mouth completely shut, so she would be surprised.

She checked the box for what Maria had put in. It was strange someone who Eliza would consider so evil had given Maria so many nice things. Within were little cards, not long love letters like Alex would write, but that still seemed romantic gestures. There were cute boxes of chocolate, not meant for throwing away as they could be kept for storing other things after all the chocolates had been eaten, necklaces and bracelets and shirts he wanted her to wear, ribbons from parcels, a red teddy bear with a heart on its stomach, photos of her and him, and the countless red roses. And they were going to make them burn.

The two girls had great fun in the garden, pouring gasoline over the pile of sticks that Peggy, Mattie and Dolley had collected. The box was emptied on top and Eliza handed her lighter to Maria. Though not a smoker, she carried one with her, in case of emergency and because she did love setting fire to small things when no one was at risk. She carefully lit the end of a stick which had been completely dowsed in the fuel and took a step back as the whole stack set alight.

“I curse you, James Reynolds!” Peggy shouted, and the younger girls started to do some kind of war cry, accompanied with a dance. “What? I’m setting the mood.”

“It’s not all he gave me,” Maria whispered to Eliza as they carried on. “I’d have to set myself on fire, too, to truly be rid of him from my life.”

“I read something. It was a quote on an abuse survivors’ website.” She tried not to sound worried about what Maria just said. “All the cells in our body are constantly being replaced and they’re all fully replaced about every seven years. I know it’s a long time to wait but this person was saying it’s a comfort that one day their body would be free from their abuser.” Maria stared blankly ahead. The flames were licking the rosebuds, shriveling them and turning them black in an instant.

“Hey, Eliza!” She turned around to see Alex running towards her and ran into her with his arms outstretched. “How’s the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Don’t try and compare women. All women are beautiful in different ways, Alex.”

“Then how is my very beautiful girlfriend who is equally beautiful to every other woman in the world but in her own unique way?”

“Great, actually. I’m really just glad I can be here with Maria. I think watching her letting this all go is rubbing off on me.”

“Eliza, can you remind me, what happened with her boyfriend…like what was he doing to her?” Maria was watching them and could likely hear every word, and Eliza wanted to ensure she was focusing on that fire and the symbolism of it rather than on what the person those items belonged to had done to her, so she moved her and Alex a slight distance from the pyre until they were standing next to a tree.

“I don’t know all the specific details, but he was certainly hitting her. I think there might have been sexual abuse from like pieces of what she’s said but I’m the person she’s revealed the most to.”

“Right. Eliza, there’s something I should tell you and I need you not to be angry.”

“You’re not going to try and break up with me again, are you?” she teased.

“No, it’s just that, well,” his speech suddenly picked up speed, “on the night of Peggy’s comedy show in that bar, Angelica sent me to go look for Maria and I searched all around and couldn’t find her but then I thought I heard shouting from in this store cupboard so I went to look and Maria and this man who must have been her boyfriend was pressing her up against the wall and kissing her and it looked like she was trying to fight him off because she was crying and there was broken glass on the floor and he told me to leave and I did.”

“What? Alex, that was at the start of February. Nearly two months ago! Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Well, I didn’t really think it meant anything because they could have been into some rough foreplay or something and she didn’t ask for my help and he looked kind of scary.”

“You could have told any of us! No, sorry, I promised Maria earlier that he would be the one I would blame for this and we wouldn’t do any blaming of ourselves or each other. I can’t be angry with you because it was a mistake and I don’t know what you could have done to stop it. In class, we learnt it’s dangerous to try to force people to leave abusive relationships as the abuser could find out and take it out on them. But she almost died. If she had been there a few days longer, she would have and all those weeks would have made so much difference.”

“Will he be arrested?”

“I don’t know. She hasn’t even had a proper opportunity to speak to an officer yet, but when she does, you’ll need to tell them what you saw. I have something to tell you, now. Angelica told me about that picture of you and John. Peggy managed to find the person who posted it and get it taken down.”

He grinned. “That’s fantastic!”

“Don’t get too excited. Other people may have made copies. We just have to hope.” Too many bad things were happening to her friends and her happy world was changing. It seemed selfish how much it was upsetting her. In her opinion though, things could only get better from here.

Angelica and Theo had arranged a white sheet to show the clips on and were in the process of setting up the projector they borrowed. Cushions and blankets lay on the Alpha Xi lawn for all the guests attending to get comfortable. Up the street came John, Laf and Herc, the three roommates swinging their arms, jovially.

Eliza hugged presented each of them with a hug as they passed her by and found themselves places to sit on the picnic blankets. She took a space next to John and from his bag, he produced an alien emoji cushion for them to lie on and some cans of cider.

“You excited for tonight?” she asked him, laying her head on the cushion which he had balanced on his knee and taking a sip from the first can.

“I want to see what you and Herc did, but I don’t know about mine. Peggy did most of the work.”

“Well, I’m sure it will be really good anyway.”

Alex had been talking seriously to Maria, likely explaining to her about what he had seen at the comedy night and that he would back her up in a court case, but he now came to join them, trying to squeeze in between them.

“Get lost, Alex,” John joked, but Eliza shuffled forward so there was room for him as well.

“Maria, hey! Come sit with us,” Eliza called to her and she too came to join them, along with Angelica. Now, as they waited for the clips to load, she heard snatches of other people’s conversations.

“I’m lonely and I need you to set me up with someone,” Lafayette was saying to no one in particular.

“What happened to all that casual dating that was going so well?” Herc asked.

“I was lying, it was a disaster. I was stood up many times and most of the times I was not, I encountered people who seemed very disrespectful of my gender identity. They found it hot I think while still referring to me with the wrong pronouns and though that happens with many people, I would not like to date them. It feels like I’m Aaron Blurgh.”

“The difference is, he actually _has_ a girlfriend now,” Theo said, jumping to his defense. It was funny to be reminded of this as Eliza had almost entirely forgotten Theo and Burr were dating, as had most people. “Why can’t you and Herc just date? You’re close enough.”

“I’m afraid he would be too interested in horses to truly love me.”

“Dude, come on, that joke’s dead,” Herc grumbled.

“We could both ask to be set up with someone and we could go on double dates,” Laf said, excitedly. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Not up for that. I’m enjoying the single life right now.”

“At the start of the year, you said your biggest goal was to find someone to date before graduation.”

“Yeah, well, I changed my mind. Seeing the drama around everyone else’s dating lives put me off.”

“He’s lying. It’s just because he has a crush on you,” Angelica whispered to Eliza.

“No, he doesn’t. I don’t even know him that well.”

“You’ve seen how obsessed he is with your videos. He’s trying to get over you because he knows you’re taken.” Angelica and Herc were close so it could be he had told her this and Eliza asked if he had. “No, but I can tell. You know I’m good at figuring this shit out.”

“Angelica, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me like that. We worked on our video together and he was fine.”

“Well, he definitely has a crush on someone and you’re the only one here it could be, unless it’s someone I don’t know, but it’s only a matter of time before he confesses to that person.”

“We fixed it, bitches!” Peggy declared, and the blanket lit up from the projector beaming onto it. “So everyone, sit back, relax, have a drink, and prepare to watch true comedy.”

The first video that came up was Eliza and Herc’s. Most people groaned when they announced they were doing a cooking video and would be making vegan peanut butter cheesecake cupcakes and there was some question as to how one could make cheesecake vegan, but the protests died away when Herc brought out the Tupperware container that had the cupcakes in and handed them out.  It was like Eliza’s other YouTube videos in the way that she was interviewing him about expectations of masculinity and he described things he felt like he had to do like not crying, being aggressive with male friends, even normalization of aggressiveness within romantic relationships. Eliza gave some definitions, talking about racial aspects and him admitting that he had in the past felt insecure about his own masculinity but was working on accepting the side of himself that was sensitive and loved to cook and sew and combining it with the sporty side.

Next up was Mattie and Dolley. Initially, they had been in a group with James, but he was shy to the camera and had ended up just filming them and then not being happy to go to such a big and loud gathering as this. Because it was run by Dolley who had a map of Broadway practically etched into her brain, they went through the streets, doing different challenges. They had to do a singalong and get people to join in, they had to get people together to build a human pyramid, they took a survey of things people preferred like and of what their favorite musicals were and dressed up in costume to try and convince people that they were celebrities. Mattie even got asked for her autograph though no one knew whom she had been mistaken for.

 Laf and Theo's was a challenge where wrote down different accents on slips of paper and stuffed them into a bowl, then drew them at random and would have to read random passages from Laf's history textbook in that accent. Theo admitted she was appalling at accents, though she could do Spanish relatively well, while Laf could do almost all of them except for American.

It was time for the one everyone had been waiting for when Alex and Angelica appeared on the screen, bickering even from the start.

“ _Alexander, stand still_ ,” the filmed Angelica said and then looked into the camera. She explained that in light of recent political events, they would be discussing the electoral college and the history behind it.

“ _We’re going to be drinking whiskey._ ”

“ _No, we are not_ ,” said Angelica. “ _I told you, this is not drunk history!_ ”

“ _But it’s more entertaining that way_.”

She began to describe the history in great depth and many of the arguments utilized by politicians. “ _Another argument against a direct voting system such as is used currently in other places in the world is that when we were made up of just thirteen states, the southern states had fewer voters—_ ”

“ _Because they were the ones who owned so many slaves so really the others in the south shouldn’t have even had the right to vote if they thought it was okay to still keep slaves!_ ”

“ _Can you wait a minute? I’m getting to the slavery part. And you shouldn't be dictating who has the right to vote, Alexander_.”

“ _They wouldn’t let poor people or women or their slaves vote._ ” He crossed his arms. “ _What’s the difference?_ ”

She shoved him out of the way. “ _Please just be quiet for a minute._ ”

They did make it through to the end of their video in a lot more time than they should have, with Angelica giving up and letting Alex contribute his opinions about the system after every time she spoke. They got the loudest round of applause so far.

Lastly, it was John and Peggy’s.

 " _Tonight's series of comedy sketches is sponsored by Femme Rose Petal Razor Blades,_ " Peggy's voice boomed over the speaker and on the screen was John, wearing a long, blonde wig and stretching a mannequin's leg over the edge of a bathtub while drawing a pink ruler with an eraser attached at the end up and down the leg. " _Silky smooth and soft so you can go out and show off those legs. They're pink as well. So effective that as demonstrated in this advert, your legs are already hairless before you even begin shaving_."

Eliza guffawed and rolled on the ground, while Angelica next to her was clapping. Many of the girls and likely the boys, too, knew this type of unrealistic advertising, trying to make women's products hypnotically feminine and delicate while being completely unable to show taboo things like hair on legs and blue liquid replacing blood in adverts for menstrual products.

Then, John and Peggy were standing on an upended box, drizzled with sequins, as a makeshift stage. He had on a suit and she was wearing her yellow party dress.

" _What's up? It's your boy, John--_ "

" _AND PEGGY!_ " The box rocked as she gave a small jump. " _We're about so show a series of satire sketches, making fun of the real world._ "

" _So, folks, sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh your hats off. Take it away._ "

Three sketches were shown. The first was both of them playing male artists, proposing their ideas. The man played by Peggy suggested dark twists on fairy tales which were the ones everyone had heard before such as a dark version of Alice In Wonderland where the twist is that she is actually on drugs. "And Jasmine would be a terrorist," she said in the deep voice she had put on. John said his would be showing society's obsession with social media.

" _And there will be a painting of people taking selfies while someone is drowning in the background._ "

" _You come up with all the best ideas, bro. No homo._ "

Their next one was the two of them queuing up for a kind of fan convention, pretending to be fans of various pieces of nerd culture that started with them complaining about how mainstream shows like Doctor Who had become to appeal to "fake fans" which it was heavily implied meant girls and ended with them crying about how they would be forever alone. If this were posted online, many male nerds would certainly be angry about this particular sketch but Eliza, knowing both Peggy and John as people, found it hilarious that they could make fun of this when both of them were avid comic book readers and John had watched every episode of Doctor Who to date.

Their final sketch was a simple, non-political one that simply showed a couple going into a pet store to buy a goldfish and ended up cuddling with a pile of dogs and wanting to buy them all. This had been filmed at Eliza's workplace and was incredibly realistic in general as she knew she too would want to buy all those puppies.

“Yeah, I know it was bad,” John muttered to Eliza when it was over. “Sorry.”

“Bad? John, that was hilarious. You and Peggy worked really well together.”

“You could be a double act!” Alex exclaimed. “Both of you could make a living out of it.”

“I don’t know, that would make me the ultimate family disappointment. Comedy doesn’t exactly pay well.”

“Do it as a part time job.”

“Guys, can you listen up? We have something we want to say.” Mattie got to her feet with Peggy holding her hand and drinking some kind of orange cocktail from a water bottle. “I wanted to say that us two have been dating for a while and we want to call it official now, so we thought we’d share with you.”

“Oh no,” said Angelica, and Eliza could see in her eyes that she was imagining all the trouble she would have to face with them being even closer than all of them had previously thought.

“Everything makes so much sense now,” said Herc. “Because the other day, I asked Peggy if she wanted any of the pie I made and she said ‘no, Mattie and I were going to eat out’ and then they both started laughing. I get it now!”

Eliza went to Peggy and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so glad you’ve found someone to be happy with.”

“Urgh, get off, get off, Betsey.” She tugged herself away.

“Mattie, making an announcement like that was really brave.”

“Yeah, well I’ve had to be brave. I called my parents yesterday and came out to them. Didn’t tell them about Peggy, yet. They didn’t seem that happy and they were quite surprised but they took it better than I expected. They’re not angry.”

“And with John? I don’t mean to make this about him but will his parents find out?”

“I did think about that and I know if they knew, they’d ask him all kinds of questions like if he knew about me and it wouldn’t put him in a good position. But I know this is something my own parents are going to try to keep a family secret for a while, so things are all good.”

Eliza sighed with relief. "Then congratulations to you both."

 

* * *

 

Alex peered in through the café window, then almost immediately ducked back out of sight. “I think I saw him.”

“Where?”

“Table at the back.”

Eliza looked in through the glass. “He’s on a table of his own, early twenties, short black hair, has a lot of travel bags. Why are you so afraid of looking?”

“I’m worried I’ll go to the wrong person and they’ll think I’m being weird, staring at them.”

“He’s your brother. You’ll know if it’s him if you look at him properly. He’s not even facing in our direction.”  It was the day before the university sent students home for Easter and an hour ago, Alex got a text from Jamie saying that he was in New York and would be waiting in this coffee shop. From the moment, the text had come through, Alex felt light and dizzy with hundreds of butterflies flapping their delicate wings in his stomach, because this was it. This was the moment when everything changed. There had been two phases to Alex’s life; Alexander, the poor child surviving in the Caribbean, and Alex, the young adult, living in America. In this moment, those two phases could merge and he could connect those two people, embody them both. But what if Jamie didn’t like him? What if what he felt around him was not delight but regret at having left him behind?

Both of them now leaned in to take one more look. Yes, at the very back of the room with some kind of beverage was a young man, reading a newspaper. He was the only person inside with such large bags, big enough to contain enough essentials to make it through a few days in another country. That was when the tears did come as he got a chance to study his face.

As children, Alex and Jamie never had looked alike in the slightest. Jamie had inherited both maternal and paternal characteristics whereas Alex had utterly no resemblance to his dad which was likely what prompted him to believe he had a different biological father. Both boys had been short but Jamie was stocky where Alex was lanky, his face rounder, his features softer and his skin darker. It had been three quarters of a decade but Eliza was right; after having aged so much he was still perfectly recognizable.

She took his hand and led him inside, the usual routine of her stroking his knuckles which let out some of the tension. They headed over to the table and Eliza tapped him on the back of the shoulder.

“Excuse me, are you Jamie?”

He turned around and as he saw Alex, his eyes lit up. “Alexander? Come, sit down.”

“Go on, Alex.” Eliza ushered him toward a chair. “Well, there’s a bookstore across the road so text me when you’re done and I’ll meet you again.” She strode to the door again with her braid bouncing on the back of her blue shirt and the brothers watched her go.

“ _She’s pretty,_ ” Jamie commented in Spanish. “ _How do you know her?_ ”

“ _She’s my girlfriend_ ,” Alex replied, more than proudly. “ _Eliza._ ”

“ _I had a girlfriend but she broke up with me just a few weeks ago. Her name was Ayida and I had just asked her to move in with me_.”

“ _That's not good. Isn’t that a bad moment to leave?_ ”

“ _It’s fine. She had reasons. There are plenty of other beautiful girls in town_. _I want to know what you have been doing all these years_.”

After all his nerves, Alex suddenly found himself loosen up and constant stream of words burst from his mouth at once. He went back to the night he left and from then on, his stay with Mr. Stevens, delivering mail and collecting trash for small wages, writing every day, hiding.

“ _I thought you might have been dead_ ,” Jamie told him, sadly.

He missed out the hurricane as best as he could. To dwell on it too much gave him painful flashbacks and he could not go through that here and now. He talked about arriving in America, his stay with the Livingstons and then the Washingtons, his travels to research for his book and finally all that had happened this year up to now.

Jamie had lived in a foster home with ten other children and he had been one of the oldest. He finished his studies at sixteen and got an apprenticeship at a garage, where he resided and bought his own apartment. The hurricane affected his part of the island but far less than it had Christiansted and most people were unharmed but that was when he first heard Alex was alive.

“ _Alexander_ ,” he said, softly.

“ _Uh, people call me Alex now._ ” Other than Angelica of course.

“ _I like it. It suits you. Did you hear about what happened to…that man?_ ”

He could tell from Jamie’s grim expression which man he was referring to. “ _Papá?_ ”

“ _He was arrested in Scotland about a year ago for credit card fraud. Apparently, he has a family there, too. He was a bad man._ ”

“ _I know._ ”

“ _You worshipped him. You called him every day and every night I heard you praying in your room for him to come back, especially when Mamá was sick. He treated you so badly._ ”

“ _I wanted to be a good son. But now I get it. He wasn’t good._ ”

“ _I’m glad we’re agreed on that._ ”

“For fuck’s sake, speak English!” a boy about the same age as Alex, the next table over, groaned at them.

“ _I’ll text Eliza again and my parents will come and pick us up. There’s lots of space in their car for your cases._ ”

The brothers got up, laughing and went to the counter to pay for their coffees and food before leaving with Alex carrying half his bags. The moment of truth had come and gone and Alex’s world had changed, but for the better, because Jamie was everything he could have hoped for in a lost brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, Maria's haircut is inspired by the haircut Jasmine got after she left the show which is absolutely beautiful. The line about her wishing she hadn't been born is actually from a real Maria letter during the affair so go ahead and try to say she was evil. I dare you. I love her and I hope everyone reading does as well.  
> Remember to comment and you can message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape but until next week x


	26. If You Stand For Nothing, What'll You Fall For?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I have a short and likely sad chapter ahead so I'll just say that I hope you all enjoy x

Aaron rested his forehead on the table, feeling as if he would drift off at any moment. Why was the one night in his life he stayed up past midnight the night before he started his internship at his professor’s law firm?

Theo and he had just been going for a leisurely evening stroll when they stumbled upon a 70’s style disco. It was different because there was a dress code but it only applied to those who wanted to come in costume and it was that they had to be dressed as characters from 70’s and 80’s movies which meant Aaron and Theo were in Heaven. They spent the rest of the night hanging out with some ghostbusters, the gang from the Breakfast Club and the alien from Alien, and ended up sleeping over at the alien's apartment. Thankfully, Aaron went to bed early and rose early every other night so his internal clock woke him at 6am after just two hours of sleep and he had to rush back to his dorm to get a suit for work.

Mr. Johnson entered the office with a purposeful stride. He was probably in his mid sixties but walked with the energy of a much younger man and his sharp steps resounded around the office. He was a good law professor, if far too harsh, and now he was to be his boss, too. He sat up as quickly as he could and tried to rub some sleep from his eyes.

“Good morning, everyone. Today, we’re going to meet three potential clients. If you will follow me, please.”

Aaron eased himself off the desk and joined the other four interns and the few assistants. The group crossed through some polished corridors and oaken doors. The first person they would meet was a college student, though he was at Princeton instead, as they were told outside the little cubicle where he awaited them. His charges were running a heavy drug company at the college which had been discovered by one of his professors. Upon meeting him, it became abundantly clear to all of them that he was guilty of his crime just from looking at him, a rather smug boy in a suit with sandy hair of what some might call good breeding. There was little they could get out of him that was useful and Aaron left feeling the same as all the other interns; that this was not the case they wanted their professor to take on.

The next was a murder case and at hearing this, the crowd buzzed with excitement. A man was stabbed in his sleep and the last person seen at the house and only suspect was his girlfriend. She could give them no alibi other than saying she had been driving home at the hour detectives thought it happened, which meant there was plenty of mystery to be delved into that the students were hungry for. They were taken to another glass door, through which the silhouette of two people could be seen.

“Our third client is called Lewis. As far as I could tell over the phone, it was a case of domestic abuse, though I haven’t spoken to the girl herself yet. There was a woman who called me on her behalf. Let’s see what she has to say.”

The door was pushed open and Aaron was startled to see Eliza Schuyler seated at the table. She looked equally surprised to see him. Domestic abuse? She was dating Alexander the last time he checked. Was he the one they were trying to press charges against? Then he remembered that the client’s name was Lewis and looked to the smaller girl seated at her side whom Eliza had her arm wrapped around. He knew he had seen her before, probably at that ghastly birthday party for John Laurens he had been dragged along to, but he couldn’t remember her first name.

Fortunately for him, Mr. Johnson asked for personal as his first question.

“Maria Lewis.”

“That’s spelt M-A-R-I-A but pronounced like Mariah,” Eliza clarified.

“Born March thirtieth, nineteen ninety-eight in Harlem.” She gave her address and phone numbers and where she was studying and overall seemed horribly nervous.

“And your ex-boyfriend, James Reynolds has been abusing you since,” he read through his notes, “late December?”

She nodded.

“So, what is it you wish to get out of this?”

“I don’t know…um, a restraining order?”

“We’d like him to have some kind of punishment,” Eliza quickly jumped in.

“Do you have any evidence to strengthen your case?” Mr. Johnson asked.

“Eyewitness report from a man who saw it happen,” replied Eliza, quickly.

“Excuse me, miss, but I’m asking Miss Lewis. Well, I think we have all we need to consider your case.” They vacated the room as they had every other, leaving the client in questioning as to whether they would be taken on or not. Aaron looked back over his shoulder at the girl with the short hair.

She must have been telling the truth because it was not her who was asking anything out of this. Her only wish was to have this man stay away from her which Aaron knew women would only ask for if they genuinely felt threatened. It did not seem like that difficult a case in comparison to the others, even with only a little proof and it felt fair to take her on.

The professor turned to the group. “Well? Who thinks we should take client one?” No hands raised. “Client two?” All four other sets of hands went up and Aaron, not wanting to feel like an outsider, put his up too. “Mr. Burr,” he pointed at Aaron. “Why?”

“Well, the first client is probably guilty and because the second client has so much mystery surrounding her, there are more routes we could take.”

“I expect that’s what you’re all thinking or maybe you think a murder case sounds more exciting. Today, you will learn a lesson about choosing your client. There are many things you will need to take into consideration but the three main ones are money, certainty and what will happen to the client if we don’t take them on. I think you can all guess which client has offered the highest sum of money.”

“Client one,” they all said.

“Good. We are most likely to win cases one and three but though we are a very good law firm, we cannot know for sure about the second case. Now, we consider the best and worst case scenarios. Client one, if he loses, will be fined or spend what should legally be fourteen years in prison but will likely be five at the maximum. However, he will never be able to get another respectable job in his life and will leave a stain upon his family tree which is why his family are paying so much. Client two could get a much longer prison sentence but it’s not as far to fall, which may sound unfair, but this is how it works. Client three has no idea what she wants, it would seem. She’s not remarkably intelligent and if all she desires is a restraining order, she could get one from any other firm for a lot less.”

“I think we should take client two,” said the girl next to Aaron. “She has the most hanging in the balance.”

“And you are welcome to, if you think you’re ready to start your career as a lawyer on your own without any training. However, I have already come to the decision that we will be taking the first client.”

They were allowed to become an independent lawyer, Aaron thought. He did not like to go against the grain in ways that may ruin the way employers would see him in future, but standing up for Maria Lewis felt necessary. Perhaps it was from knowing Theo and knowing he would want this for her if she were in Maria’s position. Perhaps it was guilt that he had gotten chosen for the internship instead of Alexander, whom he knew would be a very good lawyer, even after his disrespect towards him. If Alexander had gotten the internship, he would have done what Aaron was about to do; help his girlfriend’s friend in a case of injustice, although Alexander would likely use it as a way of showing off.

He raised his hand again.

“Yes, Mr. Burr?”

“I want to take the third client. On my own.”

 

* * *

 

It was Jamie’s last day in America and before he left, he had one final request; he wanted to meet Alex’s friends.

After the short Easter break, life on campus continued as normal. Alex would be back to classes and studying for finals in a month, back to his job at the mall, and he had one of his special date nights with both Eliza and John set for tomorrow. Angelica was also planning some fun activities for the next few weeks, both to raise money and just to relieve some stress.

The group of ten were organized on the baseball courts, with Maria currently holding the bat and John behind her, guiding her arms. He was a big baseball fan and had played all the time when he was younger, and was now hoping he could make it onto the team for the next year. The next best batters were Eliza and Peggy, though Peggy’s strong point in sports lay with softball while Eliza preferred soccer when she was younger. Since she and Alex had started dating, he made it his duty to know as much about her as he could, but somehow, he only recently learnt about her athletic childhood from Angelica. She took part in so many little league sports, being the best keeper the soccer team had, and had taken tap dance and karate (which she had achieved a black belt in) lessons as well. That had been a long time ago, but she still remembered how to swing a bat well.

“Everyone, this is Jamie.”

Jamie made his way over to Angelica, took her hand and kissed it.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” she said, quite loudly, yet he did not seem to hear.

“Who might this beautiful lady be?”

“My name is Angelica. I see you and your brother have a lot in common, Alexander.”

Herc appeared behind her shoulder and shook his hand before presenting him with a business card. “I’m Herc. I’m a tailor and I have a small business going. We have a website now so we can ship things to you.”

“And I’m Peggy!” He kissed her hand as well and she gave a flirtatious giggle, even though she very obviously had no interest in him. One by one, the rest of his friends went up to introduce themselves. John was the last in line and offered to show him a bit of American tradition by teaching him to bat. Alex watched John with a smile as he showed him exactly how to swing so as to have the ball fly in the right direction. He had not explained to Jamie about John yet. He thought he had better save that for the next visit.

When he thought he was truly ready to have a try on his own, John left Jamie alone and Herc began to hurl balls at him far too roughly. He and Alex went to sit in a circle with some of the girls to observe.

“This is weird,” said Angelica staring at her phone.

“What’s happened?”

“’Got a text from Burr. He says he’s interning at the firm I contacted for Maria’s case.”

Rage twisted in Alex’s stomach at the reminder of the opportunity he had been denied over someone he felt was much more undeserving. At least he knew that they could not be a good law firm if they would reject Maria in this way. “What did the asshole say? I swear, he knows nothing about justice, he won’t stand up for what’s right and if he dares ruin this for you Maria,” he mimed punching the air in front of him, “he’ll get what’s coming to him!”

At the loud noise and movement, John and Maria each gave a start.

“They accepted her case, idiot,” Angelica told him, rolling her eyes. “It’s just weird that they get their interns to text about it. And they haven’t even contacted Maria herself.”

Maria looked very surprised, but fast found herself being hugged by everyone in the circle.

“He wants to see you again, Maria, at the firm’s office. ‘Asks if you can do Tuesday at six.”

“I think I can make that.”

“He also says he needs anyone who might be able to contribute to the case. So Eliza and I better come. You too, Alexander.”

Just then, a wail came from the pitch and everyone turned to look. It appeared that this time, Herc had used far too much arm strength and the ball had smashed straight into Jamie’s face. John rushed over to check if his bat, which had been dropped and bounced quite a few times, was still in good condition, Angelica went to scold Herc, and Maria went to check how bad Jamie’s injuries were. It seemed Alex was not required for now, and he turned to smile at Eliza.

She had simply pulled half her hair unevenly back into a small ponytail on the back of her head with a butterfly clip and the bottom of her butterfly tattoo could just be seen under the line of her shirt that knotted at the front. For the first time this year, she had on shorts, and sandals that showed her light blue toenails. It was the perfect outfit for the beginning of summer. It could have been the thought of impending summer that brought on their conversation.

“My mom told me to ask you if you want to come stay in our house upstate for a week or so in summer. I’m going to ask John as well and maybe Maria.” She leaned down to whisper in his ear. “There’s a park nearby with this big lake and in summer it’s quite warm, even at night.”

He knew exactly what she was hinting at did not feel at all awkward. “I’d love to go. I’m very busy with the book tour, but I can clear some time.”

“Really?”

“Anything to spend more time with you.”

Just then, Jamie came stumbling back towards them, clutching his cheek.

“Are you okay?” Eliza asked him. “Not too much pain?”

“Your nice friend doesn’t think it will bruise. But it does hurt a lot. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you properly, Eliza.”

“Nice to meet you, again. What do you think of New York?”

“To be honest, it’s very loud and the people are mostly quite rude. But you have very nice food and stores.”

“Well, I’m glad you like that part. Do you think you’ll come here again soon?”

“I would like to. His parents have treated me very nicely and made me feel welcome in their home.” Martha and George had tried to learn some of the Caribbean recipes from the book Alex bought them in Puerto Rico, to impress him, and they had gone down well. “Although, I would also like for him to come and stay with me, even if I couldn’t afford to pay for his journey.” Alex wondered how much St. Croix changed after he left. Jamie was family, so if he could come, he would make time to come and stay with him in the summer as well, before or after he went to the Schuyler Mansion.

Jamie could not stay long. His flight left in three hours and he already had all his bags with him, so now, they just had to find him a taxi. Being really friendly, he went back for a handful of Herc’s business cards to give to his friends in St. Croix and kissed Angelica’s hand once more, something she was not very impressed with.

“I like Eliza,” Jamie said as they left the school gates. “I think you’ll marry her one day.”

Alex laughed and shook his head, though he would marry Eliza the next day if he could, John too, though he knew polyamorous marriage was not yet legal and the others probably thought it was too early and they were too young.

“Well, I’ll be your best man when you do. I have something to give you.” He searched through his bag and drew out a small, rectangular object, wrapped in green tissue paper and a purple piece of string securing it in a bow. On the front was a small card with an 18 on the front in sparkly letters. He opened it and read.

_Mi Tesoro,_

_Happy birthday and I wish you all the best luck as you grow up. I could not be prouder to have such a clever, talented and brave son and you are going to change the world someday._

_I know how much you love to write poetry, so I thought I might inspire you. My mother would read these to me before bed every night. I hope you like them._

_Love from Mamá_

He tore away the wrapping to find a worn book with a yellowing cover. Canciones de las Estellas, it was called; Songs of the Stars. Alex found himself choking back tears.

“They found it after you ran away,” Jamie said. “She left a present for me, too, for when we turned eighteen. I think she must have written the letters when she was sick and thought she would die, so we could have them.”

His mother had done everything for her boys, more than any mother. When his dad hurled abuse at him, she would come to Alex’s room later and whisper that it was all lies. She encouraged him to follow his dreams and to pursue his studies, telling him that being poor on this island could not stop him if he had the ambition. She had been good and lost to the darkness so young.

“I miss her,” he said.

“Me too.”

“Have a safe journey home.” Then, Alex hailed a taxi and Jamie climbed in before the vehicle was off, disappearing beyond the horizon.

 

* * *

 

He thought he could make it through finals.

John could not believe it was almost the end of the school year, his second year of college. Two more years until he got that degree, and maybe, just maybe he could do it, even with the setback of having been a law student for a year. He was not a positive person (his dad called it pessimist’s fever), but things had been going up and down throughout the year and it seemed like things were going up again, even in Maria’s case where things were so disastrous but at least some justice would be served.

Studying was what he would be doing for the next four weeks, as many hours a day as he had free, to get that A grade he needed. All attention was focused on his notes. He had put away any things that could tempt distraction except for his phone but had downloaded an app that prevented him playing games or going on the internet, meaning the only thing he could do was receive texts and calls. It was a shame he had not thought of stopping these as well.

His dad requested a FaceTime and the usual flurry of thoughts crossed his brain, worrying about the subject matter and wondering if it would really be so bad if he declined. He always wondered that and the answer was always yes, therefore, sticking to old habits, he accepted.

“John!” In the blurred image, he saw it all, sharp red anger like a dozen blood-stained knives coming at you from all directions, despair in gray tsunamis, crashing on his head, and dark disappointment. It was the moment he had feared since he was twelve and yet it was so much worse to the point his brain could only comprehend it in these colors.

That was what having someone poetic like Alex in your life did, he supposed. His preferred method of drawing used to be black and white but he could paint his life in every shade. If he had been thinking ahead in this moment, he might imagine recapturing it someday as an abstract piece that attacked those who locked upon it and received critical acclaim for showing such emotion through some wrathful swirls of paint.

His father had been talking to some of those in the Department of Immigration and heard about a boy called Alexander who had been suspected of arriving in the United States illegally about a month in advance, and managed to make the connection that this was the Alexander his son introduced him to. There had been a picture online of the two of them together online, being more than just friends like he claimed. John’s dad was disgusted.

“Please don’t let it be true, John. Tell us it’s not true,” his mom begged weeping, looking at him, and this time he could not. They suspected him once when they found emails to another boy and then he had told them it was not true, and there was much less evidence against his case. This time, he was doomed.

“We’ll help you, John,” his mom said, wiping away her tears, smiling. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

No, it was not, but what was the other option? To lose his siblings, to lose the people who raised him, no matter how unsympathetic they may be to him now? Passing finals would mean nothing because once they were over and he got home, there would just be a struggle that would harm him a thousand times more, and he did not think he could go on, knowing that was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with that ending, I'm sure you can all guess some very bad things are about to unfold next week which I will put warnings about next week. I'm really glad everyone still has so much enthusiasm for the story (which I think is almost finished) and I really love your comments. Remember that you can message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	27. I May Not Live To See Our Glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. Ok don't jump to any conclusions about what's happening after this chapter just from the title. Basically, this chapter contains aftermath of a suicide attempt and mainly focuses on that so you'd need to skip most of it. I'm really sorry for this but I hope you all do enjoy it x

“Angie!” Angelica turned to see Herc standing on the other side of the quad fountain, his hands cupped around his mouth. He beckoned to her.

For the first time she could remember, he didn’t have on his beanie. In fact, the last time he had been without it, she recalled, was when Peggy theorized he only wore it to cover a bald spot and had proceeded to steal it, only to have her hypothesis disproven. Little curls of hair stuck out in all directions and it looked quite cute. In fact, Angelica thought that he looked quite handsome today.

Funny, she thought, that the only people she could ever acknowledge were attractive were either celebrities or her friends.

As she got closer to him, he splashed her and she cried out in protest. “Hercules!”

He smirked. “The temptation was too great to resist. Where are you headed?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“How do you not know? I mean, you don’t do anything without a reason for it. If you had nothing to do, you’d stay inside.”

“I just felt in the mood for aimless wandering. It’s good exercise. What did you want?”

“I had a great new idea.” From the pocket of his classy green coat which he hand stitched himself, he withdrew a sketchpad. Herc was not a very good artist and she did not understand why he bothered to draw his ideas in the book when he went against most of them when creating the garment. He always seemed to have a clearer vision in his head than the messy outlines on the page could ever hope to recreate. Perhaps, it was to impress Angelica as she did like organization and planning in every situation and he did only seem to show the sketchbook to her.

“Wedding dresses!”

“Do you really think any bride in her right mind would hire a twenty-two year old college student to make her wedding dress?”

“Or groom. Grooms can wear wedding dresses, too!”

“Can you imagine? Hercules Mulligan understands the concept of men wearing traditionally female clothes.”

“When Mulligan’s becomes a big fashion line all over the world, we’ll break gender barriers and stereotypes everywhere.”

“We already are. You’re a masculine black man who loves cooking and is a textiles major and your first and main clothes model is a black trans woman. Did you take a few lessons from Eliza with that masculinity video?”

“Yeah, come on. I mean, I admire everything she says in her videos.” Now was when Angelica expected the confession about his unrequited crush on her sister to come. Frankly, she thought Eliza could try polyamory, too. Eliza did not have any feelings for Herc, Angelica knew, and their personalities clashed immensely, but when she thought about it, Herc would make a good match for anyone. To the naked eye, he may look like another college jock who worked out at the gym far too much and called people “bro” far too often (both of which were true for him). However, he was sweet when he needed to be. He had the ambition and creativity to make something of himself. He was much more politically aware than your average college jock and she allowed herself to accept he was attractive. The confession did not come. “You as well,” he went on. “You Schuylers are a woke family. I won’t start the Mulligan business without you. I know you’re a history major but you’d be a hell of a CEO. You could manage in your spare time after you get your doctorate. I started some work on the wedding gowns in my dorm. Mind if I interrupt your aimless wandering to show you?”

She laughed and linked arms with him to go to the dorm together as he explained his idea for wedding dresses. If there was some disaster where the original dresses did not arrive the night before, he could be a backup plan. He could make dresses at a rate of an hour each, he boasted, which Angelica said was impossible.

They got to room 127 and Herc got out his key. For one time in history, one of the students at the college had remembered to lock their door before going out, so it seemed.

“Haven’t pieced anything together yet but I have some great designs. Aw, Saint Laurens is asleep. Guess the little man got the couch all to himself.”

Curled in an awkward angle across the sofa was John, his head facing downward, and both of them looked on at what a sweet sight it was. It did not take long for Angelica to spot the almost empty bottle, some kind of gin, on the floorboards.

“John?” She ran to him and turned him over onto his back. His eyes were open in slits and rolling, his mouth hanging open and drooling down his chin. Vomit was smudged around his lips, on his shirt and the cushion beneath him. Feeling him, his skin was clammy and had a blue tinge under the lamplight. There was a bruise on his forehead and as he hung in her arms, he seemed to be trying to mutter something though was barely conscious enough to be aware of their presence.

“Laurens!” Herc came to join her, shaking his friend. “Come on, buddy, wake up! It’s me!”

“His breathing’s really slow. I can barely feel it. Call an ambulance!” she shouted. Herc froze for a moment and then ran back over to retrieve his phone from his coat. Angelica learnt a first aid class in high school and had passed first try, with grades better than anyone else’s. She had to try and get his breathing back to normal before an ambulance arrived.

She tilted him onto his side and knocked his back to dislodge what she could of the vomit before using a tissue to wipe away what remained. To clear his airway, she lifted his chin upwards and began to press down on his chest.

“You can do this, Angelica,” she whispered to herself, using all the strength in her to push on his ribcage. “Come on, John. Come on. Come on!”

 

* * *

 

James was sitting on Jay’s bed and they were making out.

How did it end up like this? It still blew his mind that someone could possibly like him. He had tried to tell himself that nothing was going on and that he really was just being nice until the point where he could no longer deny it.

He was enjoying it. Jay’s was the first dorm room on campus he had ever been in other than his own, and it was in the student living blocks where he had only resided for a few short weeks at the beginning of freshman year before moving into the fraternity house. It was so surreal to be stepping back in here and surreal to know that someone was interested in him, even after having gotten to know him.

Yet it frightened him as well. He knew there was a difference between liking how a person looked, liking the things you did with them and fully liking them enough to want to pursue a relationship with them. The first two were true enough but he was not so sure about the third.

When it felt like things were becoming more extreme for a reason he could not describe, he rotated his torso away from Jay.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Is there something else you want to tell me about?” Jay asked, brushing his messy pastel hair from his eyes. By this, he was referring to the discussion they had earlier about what they would and would not be comfortable with. They had gone into that territory before in previous meetings, but back then, it had been more hypothetical. It had been a prolonged hypothetical fear of his that people would not want to date him for being trans which partially seemed ridiculous to him but at the same time could be very sadly true when it came to dating. However, he had talked about his coming out in GSA and that group had been incredibly accommodating and Jay was not bothered in the least, so that was not part of the problem.

“I just don’t feel like I can be in a relationship with you. And I have had…sex with no strings attached before but it wasn’t the best experience for me.”

“Well, that’s okay. Why don’t you think we can, though? Did I do something?”

“No, it wasn’t you. It’s just that I think I do need some time alone, to find myself. And I don’t really feel anything. I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is. Are you…alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m upset because I do like you, James. I know you don’t believe it but you’re hot. You’re interesting, you’re smart, and you’re actually really accidentally funny, but I’ve had much more heartbreaking rejections before.” He looked at James who was still struggling to breathe after having had to make this declaration. “Do you mind if I ask, this sex with the no strings attached thing that wasn’t a good experience and the time you need to find yourself, are they related?”

James stared at the floor. “Do you know my roommate?”

He looked confused. “His name’s Thomas, right? That guy with the uh, very interesting fashion sense? Looks like a blend between a hipster and a fuckboy? I heard you two were having a fight. Wait. Him?”

“Yeah.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

“We were really good friends; best friends, but everyone always said I was the side man to him or something. It went a bit further than that a little over a year ago. At first, I kind of convinced myself he was just a straight guy experimenting.”

“No straight guy dresses like that.”

“Yes. Well, he said that he thought he might be bi, but I knew that to him, the two of us meant nothing. The thing was, I was in love with him. I think I still am, even though I’m trying to get past it and I think he knew that. It’s like one of those stereotypes in movies where the hot, masculine, tall man has a shorter, unattractive sidekick who is secretly in love with him.”

“I already told you you’re not unattractive. Why did you stick with him if you knew he didn’t want the same as you.”

He considered this. “I guess it was nice, because when we were friends, he did treat me like he cared and our friendship was good. I, uh, liked the idea that someone noticed me. People never really notice me. I guess that was my own fault, too. I don’t really want people to see me. In high school everyone saw me as the girl who just sat at the back and only talked when asked a question.” He always got those questions correct of course. “Then one little detail of that changed and that of course meant they all noticed me.”

Jay laughed. “That’s what I meant. You’re funny.”

“Well, it sounds bad, but I feel like you gave me confidence to know that people might actually like me.” A text came through on his phone where it sat on the bedside table and Jay handed it over. “It’s just Dolley. Um, John Laurens is in hospital and she’s updating me. Alcohol poisoning.”

“Do you want to be there?”

“Not overly. I don’t know him so well and I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Hospitals also made him uncomfortable, after all the time he had to spent there as a child that brought back bad memories, with addition to the times he had visited Reuben there as well with no certainty about the course of his disease. “Maybe when I’ve learnt to be alone, I’ll be able to take risks and go into relationships when I don’t know if they’ll work out but I can’t do that now, so I’m sorry you had to go through this.” James and Jay left on good terms, as friends with a handshake. When people broke up, saying they would go on as friends was usually just what they said to be polite, but Jay seemed to mean it. He told him he and Dolley could come behind the scenes any time they wanted to for shows his mom worked in and mentioned a writers’ group he knew he could go to. He had another new friend, and that was good, but he still wished to have his best friend back.

 

* * *

 

_Strange noises and disembodied voices filled the space from the moment Alexander was shaken into consciousness in pain from his head to his chest. It took him a moment to recall everything and to figure out why he was not on the camp bed in his small room. With the sturdy bed, the machine that was joined to his finger by a wire, and the similar beds at all sides of him, filled with patients, this could only be the inside of a hospital._

_The waves surging down upon his town had been like something out of a fantasy novel, and he wondered if all the events of yesterday had all just been part of this obscure dream. But if he was here, along with all these other people…_

_His little apartment would be destroyed and there was no one to go back to. His books, his writing, the place that withheld some last trace of his regular family life would be gone. He had just made it out, running up that hill. Thankfully, Mr. Stevens had gone out of town this weekend and would not have been hurt by the surprise hurricane. But what he had lost there, that could not be as bad as what was to come; he had been found. The authorities would figure out his identity soon enough and send him into foster care. All that hiding to be ruined by a hurricane, along with everything else he knew._

_A nurse had realized he was awake and ran out of the ward. A few minutes later, a doctor came back in with a man not in the correct uniform, and checked all his readings on the machine measuring his heart rate. As his blood pressure was measured with a band that wrapped around his forearm and squeezed down to the bone, he was planning his escape, when the man who was not a doctor began to speak to him._

_“Well, Alexander, you’re quite the hero.”_

_“Sorry?”_

_He smiled. “People are alive because of you. You dragged them from the water. Someone your size, it takes a lot of strength.”_

_Alexander hated to be called small, yet he did remember dragging the unconscious girl from the street and pulling along the married couple. The husband had been underwater. He could not believe it either, but adrenaline must have kicked in. He felt distant from that scenario as he recreated it in his mind, because all he could think of was the raging skies and wind ripping his skin._

_“I’m a social worker. I deal with children your age. You’ve been missing for quite some time. Will you tell us who hid you?”_

_He shook his head. He would not get Mr. Stevens in trouble. He had only helped him and he was eternally grateful. He could not ruin that. “What are you going to do with me?” he demanded._

_“We’ll keep you in here for a few days and review you,” the doctor replied. “You appear to be very underweight and you suffered concussion. You were knocked out by a broken lamppost that fractured your collarbone and ribcage and caused damage to your skull. We’ve kept you sedated for quite a few days, but we need to run tests to see what treatments you’ll need to put you back on track.”_

_“And then? Where will you send me?”_

_“We don’t know. There’s not many foster homes nearby, but you have quite a fan base in America. They’ve heard about what you did and read some of your writing—”_

_“No! That’s private!” There was so much personal to him in his notebooks. So many letters to his father he never sent, love letters to those he should not love, poems of beauty and tragedy, romance and hatred._

_“The writing you published on your blog. I expect you wanted those to be read.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“These people think someone as clever and brave as you deserve a second chance. There’s already multiple online petitions for you, though I don’t know what their aim is. We’ll just have to wait and see.”_

_Alexander hated waiting. He liked to know what was coming ahead for him. That was not much of an option when you were struggling through every day, so the alternate option was to focus on the matter at hand. Here, where he had nothing to do as doctors poked and prodded at him, he would have no choice but to dwell on the uncertain future._

_“What do you want for breakfast, Alexander? And is there anything else we can get you?” the doctor asked._

_He accepted the first thing they offered, a bowl of cereal and a glass of apple juice and as the two men were leaving, he made one last request. He needed something to get down his feelings now, as he always did. Soon after, a nurse came back with paper and pen. He wrote down a title._

**_Hurricane_ **

 

* * *

 

Every disastrous situation brought up bad memories for Alex. It seemed he had lived through them all. He had never been in a hospital since the hurricane and had not set foot in one since being discharged and sent to America. He had been to clinics to see therapists, but there was a difference. With hospitals, Alex knew he was always in trouble.

They sat in the waiting room, the group who called themselves John’s friends. Angelica called Alex and Eliza immediately after an ambulance arrived and they had followed it to the hospital where they had been waiting for three hours. No word on whether he was stable and Angelica and Herc had not even been able to ride in the ambulance with him because they were not family. It was the same excuse they got at the front desk; John’s family had been contacted and asked no one else see him before them.

Eliza was in the seat beside him, leaning into him and holding his hand. Neither of them said a word as they stared at that door through which nurses came and went, longing for answers.

Angelica entered the waiting room from another corridor, carrying two plastic bags and balancing various cups under her chin. “Laf, I got your cookie. Maria, a cinnamon frappucino and a book, Eliza, your book. For Alexander, your _third_ coffee and a newspaper, a Tom Paine pamphlet and strawberry water for myself and for Peggy…wait a second, where is Peggy?”

It turned out that no one had a clue. She had been sitting with Mattie a while ago and Mattie grudgingly admitted she had not seen her leave nor noticed she was missing. She was too busy sullenly sharing her music with Dolley. Angelica did not even know if Peggy had left before she went to the hospital shop because she had not bothered to ask her order; she already knew what she would want.

“She’s wandered off somewhere, of course, and she’s going to get us all in trouble.”

At that moment, Peggy casually swaggered back into the waiting room and spoke softly to the group. “Laurens is in room thirty six, he’s sedated, his heart rate looked steady and nurses say they think it was a suicide attempt because he also took about twenty painkillers. Ooh, Oreos and banana milkshake. Thanks, Angelica!”

“Peggy, where were you?” Angelica demanded. Alex knew that Peggy was good at picking locks but here there were no locks to be picked. Every door was blocked by a card reader.

“Oh, well I went the long way round and waited behind a door until a nurse went through. Then I followed her and swiped her keycard. Walked around for ages but I found him eventually and I returned her card before coming back to you guys.”

“He’s stable?” asked Eliza, looking much more alive and relieved.

“It’s what it looked like. Your boyfriend’s more or less safe thanks to Angelica.” Angelica recounted to them later the story of how she had done her best to perform CPR on him until the ambulance arrived. That and she and Herc having returned to the dorm earlier than expected may be the crucial difference between life and death, although who was to say either was certified at this point in time.

A woman and man swept into the waiting room. Plenty of people had come in and out to see various patients, so these two did not appear any different from the others. It was only Eliza’s nudge in Alex’s side that made him realize who they were.

The woman, on close inspection, was likely in her early forties, but from her figure, her dress sense and the way she carried herself, she could easily be mistaken for someone twenty years younger. Her brown hair, the color of milk chocolate, was curly and fell gracefully down her back. She dabbed at her eyes and dark mascara smudged beneath them, the only part of her that was not so glamorous.

The man was broad, heavyset, with a square jaw and eyebrows tilted to make him look permanently grim. His demeanor along with his clothing choice indicated that he was a hard-headed man of business. The only essence of kindness on his face was in his eyes. They were a mossy green and flecked with brown with long eyelashes, so familiar it was startling. Alex had spent hours at a time staring into those eyes on a younger face. This was the same man he had briefly talked to over FaceTime; John’s dad.

“Elena and Henry Laurens, here to see our son, John,” said John’s mom to the receptionist, composed yet her voice gave a small tremor halfway through the sentence. They had gotten here quickly. They must have taken the first flight from South Carolina. As the receptionist phoned through to announce their arrival, Mr. Laurens laid eyes on the group for the first time and his face mutated into something that gave away utter repulsion. He looked at those he recognized for the longest time, to Herc with his head in his hands and Laf who had stopped eating their cookie to look at him, to Mattie with Peggy sitting on her lap and to Alex, to whom he showed the most disdain. He took a step towards them and opened his mouth, like he had something to say. Then, Mrs. Laurens gripped his shoulder and he reluctantly turned away and the couple left through the door a nurse was holding open for them.

“I have a bad feeling about him,” said Maria.

“Don’t we all?”

“No, I mean…I think his dad is worse than we all thought.” Alex could not understand how that could be so. From snatches of what John said and from what he had witnessed, John’s dad seemed to be scum of the earth, someone who loved the idea of a son to protect the family more than he loved the son he had. “This morning, Alex was talking about something loudly. I think you were saying you wanted to punch Burr and you made a really big gesture. I’ve sort of realized I find it difficult to deal with loud noises and sudden movements because of triggers and all, but John reacted in the exact same way as me. It could just be a coincidence…but if not, John was living through abuse.”

Alex, Maria and Eliza raced up to the front desk. “You can’t let him be left alone with those people!” Alex yelled at the receptionist.

“They’re his family and contacts in a state of emergency,” she responded, turning away from them. They had already begged her many times to let them through so she knew precisely who they were talking about. “It’s their decision whether you should be able to see him.”

Maria was on the verge of crying as she slammed her hands onto the desk. “But they’re abusing him and they’re only going to hurt him more when he wakes up.”

“That is a very serious accusation to make. If you have any evidence, I suggest you go directly to the police.” This was when Maria did start to cry, having dealt with too many people asking her about evidence.

“Why can’t you just listen to us? Someone is being hurt and you have to rely on evidence?!”

This was not what the receptionist wanted to deal with at all this evening and she made a very deliberate eye roll. “You’re causing a scene. I’m going to need to get someone to escort you out.”

“Can you just let us in to see him?” Alex asked. “Look…he’s my boyfriend!”

She considered this but remembered what was required of her job. “Sorry, kids, I really can’t. The ward is closing soon. I recommend you all go home and if he wakes up, I’m sure he’ll ask to speak to you.”

It was known to all of them that John’s parents would prevent him from calling them but other staff members were coming in to clear them out and Eliza took Alex’s hand. Every step they took down the corridor toward the exit was another canyon separating them from John.

The walk back to the dorms was short, what with him having been taken to the nearest hospital. Alex knew he could not cope with being alone in the dark tonight and he felt like Eliza couldn’t either.

Sally was there when they came in, doing sit ups on the carpet to improve her already impressive abs. “Hey. Are you guys okay? I heard about John Laurens. Is he okay?”

“We don’t know. They wouldn’t let us in,” said Eliza, reaching under her bed to find her box of fairy lights. That was the routine for when Alex was sleeping over, one that came from countless nights of studying together or watching movies or sex that ended in Alex being too exhausted to go back to his own room. Alex loved those nights because Eliza was amazing at providing cuddles and she never seemed to mind him sharing her bed.

“I’ll make us some tea,” Eliza told the two of them, once the lights had been distributed along the walls. “I have a box of caramel flavor. It’s really good.” Alex had drunk three large coffees in the waiting room, plus one he had at breakfast in the morning, and wondered if that along with the additional stress would allow him to rest. He had been so much happier earlier, saying goodbye to his brother and John seemed happy, playing baseball. Alex knew about John’s suicidal thoughts, but he said he would never go through with them, meaning something pushed him over the edge.

Alex, Eliza and Sally drank their tea while getting into night clothes. Alex had a spare set of tracksuit bottoms and a vest in here for if he did unexpectedly need to stay over.

“I know you’re sad about your friend, but you two better not have sex with me in here,” Sally snapped at them.

With the main light switched off, the small orbs illuminated everything from the door to the bed opposite them. Alex curled into Eliza and she wrapped her arms around his chest. They were all frightened about what lay ahead, something that could not even be seen by the lights that helped Alex through the dark. Tomorrow would bring the answers, if he could wait till then.

For a moment, he thought he saw a figure standing over his bed, green eyes twinkling and smiling the cheeky grin that could make anyone laugh. His hair was as long as the day he first met him and Alex stiffened beneath the blankets.

“Alex, are you alright?” Eliza asked in a sleepy voice. The ghostly apparition of John was no longer there. All that coffee was giving Alex some strange hallucinations. But it had been a reminder of what could go wrong, another casualty, very likely with the blood on Alex's hands.

“It's nothing. I'm just thinking about all the work I have to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everyone was still able to enjoy that. If you're worried about John, just check the warnings for the fic. Now, remember you can message me @ninasfireescape on tumblr and leave a comment. Until next week x


	28. It's Quiet Uptown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO ONE PANIC ABOUT THE CHAPTER TITLE! All will be fine. Warnings for more implied rape in this chapter and abuse mentions. Thank you so much everyone for 300 kudos and I hope you are all still enjoying the story and I hope you all like this chapter too x

They had so much work to do.

After a quick lunch consisting of a carton of noodle soup and a coffee flavored with cinnamon, Maria returned to the law firm headquarters. It was not a very big building but was intimidating nonetheless.

She just had to take deep breaths. Maria had found herself becoming more and more emotional in recent weeks for obvious reasons. As a young girl, she was a bit more sensitive than other children, letting even the most mild of insults bring her down which meant more people liked to tease her to get reactions from her, but she thought she had gotten control over that in her teenage years. The problem had returned and she could not get through a day without crying. And the emptiness, God, the emptiness, like she could never be happy again.

Yesterday was a good day, almost. Eating some of her leftover Easter chocolate and getting started up on her lipstick designs again, then trying her hand at baseball. She thought maybe she could have nailed it but everything went downhill as soon as she heard John was in hospital and for good reason, she burst into tears again.

There was no way she could make it through today without having to retell the events of the past few months, meaning there was no way she could make it through today without crying. Conjuring all he had done to her to mind was too painful and it was far-fetched to imagine herself not getting emotional again. What she had to do was control her reaction and make sure it was just a few subtle tears instead of working herself up, or she would not be taken seriously and could be dropped as quickly as the firm had taken her up.

Another few deep breaths and the final sip of coffee swallowed and she went in through the doors which automatically opened before her. Angelica, being as prompt as she was, had already arrived and was glancing around. Before them was a desk where a receptionist would usually sit, but it was vacant today.

“Maybe they’re on a late lunch break?” Maria offered. “It’s not two yet and Alex and Eliza aren’t here.”

“No, this is weird.” She tapped her heels on the ground though the wide purple carpet rather muffled the noise. “It doesn’t even look like they’re open. Perhaps…” Maria knew exactly what she was about to suggest; that this was all some cruel prank, but she had to be cautious about her words in front of Maria. Maria was not stupid. She knew everyone was handling her with care, like a bubble-wrapped antique. She would have been infuriated by it but she knew it was true and that any piece of bad news could push her to fall apart.

Eliza and Alex arrived soon after them, both with blue and purple semi-circles under their eyes.

“We went back to the hospital,” Eliza clarified.

“Any news?”

She shook her head, miserably. “No. His parents are still there and there didn’t seem to be any change so we left early.”

“I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them both,” Alex muttered.

“Alex, you know this isn’t the best place to talk about wanting to kill someone,” said Eliza with a meaningless smile.

“Let him go ahead. No one seems to be around,” Angelica moaned and sunk into a chair.

The clock on the wall struck two. Five minutes passed, then another five, and it was almost quarter past  when someone else joined them.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone,” said Aaron Burr, his shaven head gleaming with sweat as he readjusted some folders he was carrying along with a coffee cup and an umbrella that was very inappropriate for the mid-April weather.

“What’s going on?” Angelica asked. “Where’s your boss?”

“I have some things I need to explain and I thought it might be easier in person. Uh, there’s a room through here if you want—”

“No, neither Maria nor the rest of us will take a single step until you tell us what is going on, Burr,” Alex demanded.

“Careful, sweetie, you’re slipping into lawyer mode,” Eliza whispered to him.

“Adjusting to surroundings,” he said. “But in this situation, I’m acting as Maria’s lawyer until we see her actual lawyer.”

“Fine,” said Burr, sitting down and in the process almost tripping over the handle of his umbrella. “I’m your lawyer, Miss Lewis.”

“Excuse me?” Angelica asked. “I think I must have hit my head on the way over here because I think I heard you say you’re Maria’s lawyer.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re a student.”

“My boss wasn’t going to take her case. There were lots of clients who offered more money and he thought that Maria wasn’t very clever or organized.” Angelica glanced at Maria to check if she was upset by this second hand comment. “He said that anyone who wanted to take another case could on their own so I decided to take Maria’s.”

“Why?” Alex asked him, bitterly. “To earn yourself some extra credit?”

“God, no. If anything, Mr. Johnson will dislike me _more_ for this. I took it because…it was the right thing to do.”

Alex exploded. “Since when have you ever done something because it was the right thing to do? All you care about is yourself and what people think of you! You have never stood up for anyone or anything in your life! You can’t even support political movements! What’s changed now?”

Burr sighed. “I just imagined Theo in her position and how hard it would be to be turned away for something that’s such a simple and basic need, and I felt bad.”

“So you're only able to have sympathy for women when you’re in relationships with them?”

“You have to admit it does sound like that,” Eliza said, taking a condescending step to Burr.

Suddenly, Burr was being confronted by three people, three people with the most extraordinary tempers when unleashed. Eliza may have the reputation of someone sweet and sympathetic but Maria had seen her resentment on a few rare occasions when someone crossed her or someone close to her and she was not someone you wanted to face.

“You lied to me through that text, saying the firm would back her up,” Angelica said, fiercely.

“I’m a part of the firm now. I have all these resources to use and I can do it. Now can you please try to warm up to me if we’re going to get some kind of justice for Maria.”

“ _We_ are not doing anything,” Angelica responded. “Maria is not going to have you as her lawyer.”

“No, she’s not going to have someone who deceives her. She deserves better than that,” Eliza added.

“We’re not helping you kick off your law career like this,” said Alex. They had become like an angry, three-headed monster.

“We are going to find Maria a very professional lawyer who actually has some experience.”

“No one will take her!” Burr burst out. “These big law firms you’re looking into are looking for big clients to get them news attention and that’s not what Maria’s case is. They all look for rich people and they just think she’s a silly girl who got herself in some trouble, and I know—”

“Okay, I am standing right here,” barked Maria, surprised at the power she reached once she let the words out. The tears were coming, but she carried on. “I get it. I know how they’ll see me and think I’m lying and me just wanting to feel safe in my bed at night is because of something I did to myself. I know it’s all part of some bullshit that’s going to use my background and gender to get the blame put on me no matter what I do. I don’t care because I’m not trying to make some political statement. I don’t want big headlines from a big company, Angelica. I just want to be free from him. And I can make decisions for myself. Aaron, you’re my lawyer.”

“What?” Angelica and Alex both asked at once, though Eliza had backed down after hearing what Maria said and came to stand at her side.

“Alex, you’re the most argumentative law student I’ve ever met, so if you didn’t get chosen for the firm and he did, he must be really good. It’s just a small case and I believe he can do it.”

“It’s a lot to put all your faith in.”

She shrugged. “I want this to be over. I want to be able to go on with my life. I feel like I’m so weak and worthless all the time and I know that won’t stop until I know he’s gone for good.” This was partially a lie. What he had done to her, the invisible scars, they were permanent. But Eliza had been right; she would get over it, if it took all the cells in her body being replaced, and she would do her best to get to that point. Despite her reluctance at the beginning, the new Maria was already rising from the ashes of that bonfire. “What do you need to know?” she asked Burr, turning to him.

“Well, I’d like to hear the full story as best as you can remember, from the beginning, if it’s okay with you.”

“Right.” She had known this was coming. The five of them seated themselves in a circle and Burr removed a Dictaphone from his folder.

It was time to start at the beginning. “I think it was last September and I went to the bar where he worked. He did the usual bartender flirting and we hooked up in the back room. Then he called me the next day and actually seemed to be nice and I thought he was hot and we went out a few more times before he asked me to be his girlfriend. That was in October I think. And he was really affectionate sort of from the beginning. He…he was always inviting me to stay round at his, always wanted to spend time with me, and he said he loved me very early on, so I did too. I felt like I had to, but I thought I loved him, too. It doesn’t sound bad at all. It felt like the kind of guy you want, who shows that he cares about you, but I got a bad feeling sometimes when he said he loved me. He would start arguments over small things like getting suspicious that I was cheating on him with my friends or getting angry if my clothes were too revealing and said it was all because he loved me so much, but I told myself I was being crazy to worry over it. I think he convinced me that I was in love with him, too. At some point he started looking through my phone. I’d told him the code because I didn’t think it was a big deal. He told me he was doing it to protect me because I was…” She tried to think of a way she could avoid explaining, but she would not lie. While she had been sending those photos, she felt no shame. “Some girls on the internet were catfishing men for money. It wasn’t really doing any harm because these men clearly wanted to give the money just for pictures, so I gave them pictures of myself. I wouldn’t do nudes, just pictures of me posing, but he said these people just all think I’m a slut.”

“What about the first time he physically harmed you?”

“Let me see. It was about a week before Christmas break, just after finals. Went to a party without him and drank quite a bit.” Another reason they could turn against her, for underage drinking. “He was waiting outside because he tracked my phone and acted like he was taking care of me and brought me back to his apartment. I’d sobered up a bit and he told me I was stupid for having gotten drunk with my friends. I can’t remember what he said but he said I’m better than that and he’s the only person who respects that. He had a real problem with my friends because my family are working class, I guess, and everyone I know is middle or upper middle class. He told me that they all look down on me and he showed me things they’d said about me, saying I’m a slut. That was later and I know he faked them now, but the first time, he got angry about me drinking and hanging out with them. He said something about them making me drink so they could take advantage of me, because that’s the only reason they hang out with me, and I shouldn’t have gone without him to protect me, then when I tried to stand up, he smashed some of my mugs and a piece cut my hand.”

“How many more times did these things happen?”

“He only occasionally lost his temper. Once a week or something, but he became more aggressive and would hit me or strangle me, but it never left a mark. And one time, he heard some guys catcall me and he got really defensive. Said it was my fault for how I dressed even though I was dressing more and more like how he wanted me to.” As she got climbed further onto the dangerous terrain, the tears came and she steadied her breathing. “When we got back to his apartment, he said he’d show me what people like that would do to me and then he…and well, I didn’t want to and I was crying, but I didn’t resist him. He said he loved me and he did that more and more. He cut me off from everyone because he made me think he was the only person I could trust. I was barely even talking to my parents. They still don’t know about any of this, and then I left him. He said he’d come after me, but he still hasn’t. The cops said his apartment wasn’t even his and that he was borrowing it while his cousin traveled. He’s in Brooklyn apparently, but they haven’t found any evidence of any of this.”

Eliza took Maria’s hand once more and let her flop onto her shoulder.

“That’s as much as I can come up with. I mean, there was loads more he did that sounds suspicious now, but that’s all the main stuff.”

Angelica, Alex and Burr were all aghast at her tale.

“Maria, I have no idea what any of that must have been like for you,” Burr admitted, forgetting to call her Miss Lewis. “You understand some of what he did could be considered a felony? I can get more than a restraining order. He could pay a fine or be sent to prison for a few years. Do you want that?”

“I…I don’t know.” Was she to be the cause of her ex-boyfriend’s downfall? She knew what he would think of that and he would try to come after her again if he did go to prison, once he got out. At the same time, the idea of him being punished after all the pain he put her through was satisfying. “I guess you could try?”

“I can definitely get a restraining order for you. It’s not right what he did, and I will do everything I can. Now, can I hear evidence from the witnesses?”

 

* * *

 

 “Peggy, come on, you said you’d help me pick something to watch.” Mattie lay on her chest on the bed, highlighting her Chemistry study guide with one hand and searching through Netflix for a show to watch with the other.

“Not right now. I’m busy.”

“Let me guess, planning another prank? Is that really the right thing to do now?”

“Of course it is!” Peggy looked gleefully up from where she was bent over a yellow binder. She wore only underwear, socks and a plain yellow t-shirt she used for sport and had her hair loose for this one occasion. “I put all my prank ideas in here. Angelica would be proud. No, this is exactly what people need. Everyone’s all sad about Laurens and finals. Even I’m sad. I lost my favorite choker and Iron Fist sucks even more than I thought it would.”

“Great to know where your priorities lie.”

“At least I still have you. But pranks, they’ll cheer people up. And you know the thing that brings together people all over the world, the secret language understood by millennials that can make anyone smile? Memes.”

“Memes?”

“Yeah, memes.”

“Alright, what’s the plan?”

“We sneak into people’s bedrooms, armed with print outs of every meme since the beginning of meme history and stick them up everywhere.”

“Which people’s rooms?”

“Well, all our friends. We’ll pick their locks if necessary. But no one locks their doors anymore so we could just try all the doors in the block and see how many open.”

“It will be a fun adventure. How close are you to the big end of year prank?”

“Still nothing. It’s like my mind has gone completely blank. All I can think of is small things like this. I keep saying it will come to me but it still hasn’t. I’m really stressing out. That’s just another thing causing me to be sad.”

“I’m still glad to know where your priorities lie.”

“Hey, Mattie, I do have real priorities. Everyone’s nagging me to choose my major because I keep taking classes and dropping them. If I don’t make up my mind, I could end up unemployed for the rest of my life. Or doing taking the one class all lesbians do as a last resort; Women’s studies,” she said, shaking her head with dread. Angelica had the subject as her minor and it did sound fun. She would consider it, but she could not see what career could come out of having the same conversations her sisters had in all their spare time with her. “I’m leaning towards computer science but you know my teacher’s a bitch. Right, let’s get to work. Find me some of the best memes, Mattie.”

“What about our Netflix date?”

“Trust me; Netflix is made for multitasking. We can do both. And…other things.” Peggy felt a small smirk creep onto her face. “I bet you five dollars Angelica will shout at me for our memes prank. She can’t even take a little joke.”

 “Deal. I think she’ll appreciate the humor. Even she must understand how bad things are at the moment. I think we need a break, all of us. So.” she climbed over Peggy’s legs to sit opposite her, but instead of kissing her, she gave her a tight hug. “What do you want to watch?”

“We need a laugh, too. Want to watch some old episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine?”

“You know I can’t say no to that.”

“I have an idea for a bet for us. I’ll give you five dollars if you can get through all the episodes we watch without fanning yourself every time Rosa comes on.”

“Same goes for you.”

 

* * *

 

There were two places where Alex would retreat when he was under immense stress. The first was to the safety of the library, the bookcases acting as castle walls to protect him from enemy soldiers  as he researched and wrote. But when things got too much and he could not even go to school anymore, he went home.

Martha and George welcomed Alex and Eliza into their home, sparing a bed for each of them. They said they could be in contact with the school to say the burden was too much for either student to go to lessons for the next few days and that they needed some time off, though they advised they carry on studying together as they could not let this affect how they did in their finals.

Alex crashed soon after their arrival, on the couch, and Eliza watched from the kitchen as Martha smoothed blankets out on top of him.

“Hello,” she said into the phone as soon as her mother’s voice answered.

“Hello, darling. What is it?”

Eliza quickly explained everything that was going on and her mom’s voice rose in volume. “You’ve stopped going to lessons over this? Who is this boy?”

“Um…it’s a complicated situation. But I’m very close to him.”

“Oh God, you’re not sleeping with him? Eliza, I thought you’d have some sense. You haven’t told me much about your Alex but from what Peggy’s told me, well, she wasn’t very flattering to him, but you two seemed to be so happy.”

“No, I’m not sleeping with him, mom.” She looked through to the sitting room again to see Martha watching her and covering her mouth to hide a laugh. “I’m just close with him. Close enough to have invited him to stay with us for the summer.”

“Oh, Eliza,” she sighed.

“The reason I called is to see if you know anything about his family. His name’s John Laurens and I think his dad is called Henry.”

“I think I’ve heard that name from your father before. Let me just get him. Phil!” There was some static as the phone was passed between them and some background conversation ensued before Eliza’s dad came on the line.

“Hello, Eliza. Your mother said you wanted to know about Henry Laurens.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s some kind of politician in South Carolina as far as I know. I know I should know what his title is but I’ve never had much time for the man. Very Republican, he’s been pushing very hard for less regulation on conversion therapy. You three girls wouldn’t be fans of his at all.”

“That figures.”

“I strongly disapprove of his methods. Most of his political beliefs he enforces with his religious beliefs. It’s true I’m a religious man, but I understand the two are separate.”

“How much power does he have? You see, his son, who goes to the same college as me, is in hospital. An overdose. Would he be able to get him home?”

“Likely. He’s very convincing, even if I disagree with him.”

“Has he ever been accused of child abuse?”

“If he had, he’s kept it very quiet, though I’d love to see a scandal.” Eliza was glad that her calm and well-mannered dad shared the same opinions about this man as she did.

“Well, thanks, dad. I’ll call with any updates.” She went through to the sitting room and squeezed herself into the gap between Alex’s feet and the end of the couch. “Martha, you work in a hospital, don’t you? Do you have a lot of patients brought in from overdoses?”

“I wouldn’t say a lot, but it isn’t rare. This is about this John, isn’t it? Alex was just telling me about him. Look at him, asleep. He’s sweet, isn’t he?” With the blanket half pulled over his head, his face was just visible, all the muscles clenched like a wolf. “I’m not sure I really understand. What he said was that he is dating both of you. I don’t mean to sound ignorant but is this a young people’s thing?”

“I suppose so. It’s becoming more recognized today, but it’s probably been around a long time. Polyamory where you can date more than one person. John and I were close friends and we became even closer. I think it’s type of sexual attraction that isn’t to do with gender. I think anyone would be able to do it but it’s a big part of who Alex is and he thought in the past relationships failed because he hadn’t realized this about himself. At the time when we agreed that Alex would be with both of us, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to, but I found it really easy. I thought I would only be attracted to one person at a time then but now I think even I could date more than one.”

“Frankly, I’m just surprised he never told us about him. Alex has never been the best at keeping secrets. After his first date with you, he called me up to gush about you, and his description matched well. I’ve never seen a man so in love and so open to showing his love. No offence, dear,” she said to George, who had just walked in, carrying a Scrabble box.

“Is anyone up for a game?”

“George is the best at board games,” Martha said, stroking the top of her husband’s head as he perched himself beside her. “So you were saying, about John?”

“You’ve helped me a lot with advice, with the problem with Maria before.”

“I heard about that poor girl,” George said.

“Oh, uh, we were trying to keep the professors from not knowing.”

“Well, some of them know, somehow.”

“Do you see what I meant there? You following your gut instinct and saved your friend."

Not for the first time that day, Eliza thought to how much happier and more radiant Maria looked the day before than she had a few weeks ago, the tears put aside. Then she thought about the story of all she had gone through. It was just another part of the self-doubt she had been suffering since Maria’s disappearance, but she had not saved her soon enough.

“Well, I want to save another friend,” she said, drawing her seven letters from the bag. “John’s was sedated the last time we heard because he was sort of awake when they brought him in, but when he wakes up and they pump his stomach or whatever they do, what will happen? Will he come back to school?” She noticed how she said “when.” They still could not be sure he would survive, so she asked about this.

“It’s very likely he’ll survive. Overdoses have one of the lowest success rates. About six percent, and him having been conscious when he was brought in is a good sign. But I’m afraid, if it was deliberate, they won’t let him go back straight away. He’ll probably be taken to a mental health clinic.”

“How long will he spend there?” Eliza spent ages trying to think of a word she could make before settling on ‘cat,’ barely rewarding her any points.

“It varies. Some of the worst cases could be in there for months but for some, it’s only a few hours. The overdose could have just been an accident and not a suicide attempt, though it’s rare that happens. Those patients are given warnings about how much they should take and sent home.”

“But they can pretend to be fine, can’t they?”

“I have friends who work at the hospital he’s at. I could talk to them, see if we can sneak you two in and give you updates. I shouldn’t be doing it, but my son comes first, always, and it kills me to see him like this. Isn’t that right, George?”

He nodded. “John is a great man. To think when I introduced him to Alex at the start of the year, all of this would happen, and that he’d find a boyfriend out of him, I never saw that coming, though I thought they’d get on. He’s like a son to me, and I’d be willing to try and do whatever I could to help all three of you.” As he spoke, he added on to Eliza’s ‘cat’ as well as another word Martha formed further down that intersected with this line, to make ‘catastrophe.’

“I said he was good at board games, didn’t I?”

 

* * *

 

“Was this the first time you have had suicidal thoughts?”

The last few days had been a blur, flashes of Angelica’s face and Angelica’s voice, looming over him, his name called in the distance and every part of his body numb. Then blankness for a while. Then pain, rippling through his forehead and chest and stomach and people trying to ask him questions, though his mind was in bits and pieces.

They said with all he had taken, even having removed it from his system, the effect would still last. He took enough to have numbed his body for a whole week if it had been divided evenly between the days instead of all at once.

That night, he had been unable to stand it any longer. He knew attempts like this were spontaneous for some but took months of planning for others. His was spontaneous, so he had never done any of the research. The truth was he never thought he would go to this extreme, but he thought he could figure out how to make it effective himself. Every pill in the apartment was non-prescription and there was no way he would be able to get any prescription drugs that might have more of an effect. Even if he did manage to, that would take time in which he could change his mind, when this was the only solution, so he told himself then. The paracetamol tablets would have to do, so he took as many as he could find at once. He smashed his head against a wall, because he read about it once, to help you get unconscious faster, though that sounded fake to him now, and then he downed as much gin as he could to wash it all down. This way was the easiest, requiring less of the motivation needed for something instant, and once the pills had been taken, there was nothing he could do to stop it, so he thought.

“No,” he said. “But I never thought I would actually go through with any of it.”

“What do you mean by that, John?” the doctor or psychologist (she seemed to be both) asked.

“I don’t know. I just never thought I could force myself into that.”

“Did you ever speak to anyone about this?”

He had, to Alex, but only him. To mention him would anger his parents who sat in on the evaluation, so he just shook his head.

“Was there a particular event that triggered this incident?”

Yes. The talk with his parents. Except he could not say that. He sensed his father’s hawk stare from the corner of his eye, warning him, and he lied to say there had not been anything.

Some more questions came with her trying to figure out what triggered this. There were many things, some which were just impossible to explain, but a great deal of other reasons were his family and he could not tell them that.

She left the room to go and discuss with some of her partners the best solution and best medication they could give him. His mom and dad took him in a taxi the short distance between the official hospital and the mental health clinic once he was physically safe again. This was only the evaluation room, chilly and small with a solid bed and he was alone in here for hours while his parents talked to doctors about him. All his belongings he had on his person when he was brought into hospital like his phone in his pocket and even his shoes had been confiscated and the only thing to occupy his time was a television behind glass, switched to a channel that only seemed to play the Big Bang Theory. That laugh track gave him a headache and he had wanted to change channel or switch it off altogether but he was not allowed to use the remote when he was on his own for fear he may somehow hurt himself with it. At least the one good thing about having his mom and dad here meant there was no threat of him causing harm to himself and he was allowed the remote now.

John could only imagine what his dad must have been saying and what he had hidden. Perhaps he told the doctor that John had always been a good, bright student and none of them saw this coming or maybe he said he was the family disappointment. He could never mention him having been angry the day John took the pills or why he had been angry in the first place and he certainly would not admit culpability in the part he played in John’s struggles. He was a businessman and a politician and knew how to keep a good public image. He would not let this undermine that image.

“If you’re lucky, we’ll have you out of here by the end of the day,” John’s dad said to him. John spun to face him and pulled the thin blanket further over himself to soothe his shivering. “Well, there’s no need to look at me like that. You could at least be grateful. All this fuss you’ve put everyone through and we’re the ones getting you out of it. We’ve stayed with you in this horrible place all this time.”

“Thank you,” he said as sincerely as he could manage.

“Maybe it’s time you ought to learn there’s some consequences to your actions. You’ve grown up all sheltered from the real world. When we get home, maybe we’ll teach you a lesson or two.”

Everything about that sounded horrifying, especially because, now he realized, once his parents had argued him out of here, he would be taken straight home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright everyone thank you for reading. IYou can leave a comment or message me @ninasfireescape on tumblr. Until next week x


	29. You Get Nothing If You Wait For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back everyone with another's chapter. We are getting very close to the end now and I really hope everyone will be satisfied with this chapter. Warnings for violence in the fourth section. Enjoy x

“Alright, the reason I need you all here is to plan where we go next.” Angelica held the door to her bedroom open, allowing Herc and Laf to cross the threshold before her and then, she followed them through. Her laptop lay prepared on her flat bed clothes. “All that’s been going on recently has been really upsetting, for all of us. You two especially, I assume. Well, why don’t you take a seat?” She placed herself on the carpet and the other two joined her to form a triangle. “I hate to say this, but it’s become a bit of a disturbance. I know we all love John but we have to remember to keep going and we have a job here. Both of you joined GSA so you signed up for this.”

“You did not give us much of a choice,” said Laf.

“Shut up. Can you say you wouldn’t have come if you hadn’t met me before?”

“No.”

“Exactly. And this is an important group, both for the people who come to the group and those who don’t. We benefit queer students who aren’t out or who, dare I say, don’t want to come.” She smiled. “Now we have to focus on our plans for what to do until the end of the year. We have less than two months left, so let’s get down to business.” She opened up the laptop and set the screen to face both of them. “I got rid of the idea for the Assassins game because staff said it would be too distracting to exam season which is a huge shame. Instead, as you can see here, there will be a paintballing tournament.”

“What? That’s fucking awesome, man! I’m totally gonna beat everyone and win all the prizes!” shouted Herc.

“Calm down.We’ll be in teams, anyway, so you’d better do well if you’re on my team.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“I was thinking that could be the last week before summer, then I’ll ask for a fee to join which will go to charity. Hercules, will you tell some of your clients or football friends about it? And Lafayette, you could tell people from your classes. I’ll be putting up posters all next week.”

“I’m down for it.”

“Right, onto the next item. New York Pride is on June twenty fifth and I know that’s a long time after the end of the semester, but I’ve managed to get us a place in the parade. If you’d all be able to come into the city for the weekend, we can make it into the news again. Hercules, you’re on costume duty.”

“I suppose I could stay in America a few more weeks, though with yesterday’s election results, maybe I will feel slightly safer to go back to France,” Laf said.

“It’s fine; you have a pass to skip it, as long as you help with preparations, because you have a good excuse. Now, the final thing I need your help with is these PowerPoints.” She pointed to something else on her digital flow chart. “So I’ll need people standing around campus this weekend and you’ll do presentations on themes. Here’s a list of some. There’ll be a bit of backlash because Sam Seabury heard we were doing this and has gathered some of his friends to protest it.”

“Oh yeah, there’ll be competition for attention on Saturday,” said Herc. “This rich, English dude, George Frederick, goes to the restaurant I work at and he’s always really annoying but he was saying he’s started a rap group and they’re doing a performance and selling their mixtape at the quad then.”

“People will be too busy laughing at them to laugh at us,” added Laf.

“Thank you for that positivity. I have pamphlets on each presentation, and collection buckets. You’ll need to read through them and do some of your own research, find ways to make it informative and fun. I’ve only included a little information for you to get started with.”

“Dibs on the gender neutral clothing one!” Herc yelled.

Laf scoffed. “If you’re going to take the best one, I’ll just have to do gender identity. I know enough about it.”

“I’m the fashion designer; I have to do it.”

Angelica emailed each of them the PowerPoint layout she made for them and their information packs. Only a few people from GSA had signed up to do presentations, but they had just enough people to cover the range of topics. The only problem was Eliza who offered months ago to teach about representation in the media but had caught a cold while taking her small break from school. She insisted she would be in good condition to come back in on Saturday but had been losing her voice over the phone the last time they spoke and talking in a croak.

“You should get started because you have less than a week left.”

“While I would love to spend the rest of the day in the library, I have a date now.”

“Oh, wow, another one? I’d say good luck but I’ve said that every time, and they’ve all been disasters.” Angelica gave Laf a pat on the shoulder.

“Don’t be mean to them. They’ve just been unlucky, but anyone can see they deserve to be loved, right? We all deserve to be loved.”

“Alright, Hercules, don’t get poetic. Who’s the date with, this time?”

Laf grinned. “One of the dancers from Dolley’s musical. She has agreed to set me up with him and he looks interesting from his pictures.”

“Good. Maybe you can find out what the musical is actually about or even what it’s called. I’ve had enough of hearing about her stupid contract.” Dolley had still not spoken a word about the project she was involved in, with not even Peggy and Mattie – her two best friends – knowing what it was, at least that was what they said. Peggy had complained to her about it on numerous occasions.

“Where are you going?”

“We will be getting coffee. If you will excuse me, I have to get ready.” They began to leave for the door.

“Wear that scarf I made you! The blue and green one!” Herc called after them at the top of his voice. “And you could wear the really nice skirt!” They were already gone by the time he had said this second part. Herc now looked up at Angelica, blushing. “I guess I’m going to the studio then to practice for Saturday.” He rose to his feet.

“Hercules, wait.” She reached out, grabbing his forearm and he spun to face her. “I have some clothes I thought might work as inspiration. I know you make most of my clothes but shockingly enough, I do buy some. It’s this really nice pantsuit that was designed for women but would work for any.” She moved for the closet when he stopped her.

“I have something I wanna tell you, too.”

She spun around. “Yes?”

“Well,” he scratched the back of his neck and she observed that he could barely meet her eyes. He was embarrassed or scared about this thing he had to tell her. She was sure, given more time, she could have realized on her own. “You know the day we found Laurens? And I asked you to come back to my dorm? I was kinda shy but I’d been meaning to ask you…please don’t judge me for this…to go out with me.”

Hysterical yet muffled giggling resounded from within the closet and with her head spinning, Angelica stormed back towards it and flung the door open. She was greeted by Mattie. Peggy was also there, attempting to hide herself behind a dress hanging within, but Angelica grabbed her roughly by the shoulder.

“Mulligan asked you out!” Peggy taunted, cackling and pointing her finger. “Angelica and Mulligan, sitting in a tree,” she began to sing. “K-I-S-S-I-N—”

“Peggy, get out of the closet!”

“Hey, I’ve already had to come out of the closet once in my life. Why do I have to do it again?”

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?” she screeched. Still gripping Peggy, she pulled her out and scraps of paper Peggy had been holding flew from her hands and drifted to the floor like snow. “WHAT ARE THESE?”

“Memes.”

“What?”

“Everyone seemed a little down, so we’re putting memes in their rooms to cheer them up. And I must say, I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.” Mattie high-fived her.

“You are a child, Peggy.”

“Does that make Mattie a pedophile?”

“Right, get out. GET OUT!” She began to chase them to the door, furious.

“Your boyfriend’s gone,” Peggy said before dashing down the corridor with Mattie close on her heels. Only properly understanding what she had said once she had left, she looked around the room but Peggy was right; Herc was nowhere to be seen. Clearly, having made this big confession to Angelica and having Peggy and Mattie listening in had been too much for him.

Angelica sank onto her mattress and looked down at some of the paper Peggy had left behind. She really had gone and printed out memes and she felt herself smiling, just a little at seeing a picture of herself, Eliza and Peggy. The only thing odd about it was that Peggy had badly used Photoshop to cover her own face with Pepe the frog and the caption was “ _Angelica, Eliza and Pepe._ ” Angelica had never been interested in memes but had known about them all thanks to Peggy always having shown her so many. This was a good prank, she thought. She was irritated with Peggy for having been in her room; she must have had to listen to everything. Then again, she was doing something with the aim of cheering people up instead of frightening or disgusting them.

How could Angelica have known Herc’s secret? There had been none of the signs that she was so good at recognizing. Or maybe there had been. Maybe she just had not wanted to see them.

 

* * *

 

“Martha told me to bring you this.” Alex held the steaming mug out to Eliza as he entered the bedroom, trying to keep it as far away from his face as possible so he did not have to smell the stench of the lemon fumes again.

Eliza was propped up in Alex’s bed, surrounded in used tissues and crumpled flash cards. It was clear she was not paying attention to her work at all though, because loud rap music was blasting from her phone resting on her knee and he had heard her rapping along with it before he came in. She looked really sick with her eyes narrowed and her nose red and raw and he desperately wanted to climb in with her and comfort her. She sniffed as she looked up at him.

“No. I hate Theraflu and I already had one. It’s gross.”

“There’s honey in it.”

She made a grunting noise. “Fine.” Alex came to sit beside her and placed the mug on her lap.

“What are you doing?”

“I _was_ trying to sleep, but I keep having to sit up and get blow my nose, so I can’t get to sleep. And I look really tired and ugly. I guess I now know what it feels like to be you.”

“I do sleep!”

“Sure, sweetie.”

“I don’t like you when you’re ill. You’re mean.”

“I’m in pain so I’m taking it out on other people.” She sneezed and then took her first sip of the drink and gagged. “The honey really doesn’t get rid of that taste,” she said, her voice coming out deeper. It sounded as if she was losing her voice.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Hmm, Drake has a new album if you want to buy me that.” She gave him a nudge and sneezed again. “Maybe I won’t be better by tomorrow like I thought. Angelica’s keeping me updated on everything we’re missing. Look at this one from yesterday.” She showed him a text.

 

 **Big Sis** _18:35_

Lord save me Peggy has Mattie listed as daddy in her phone I hate them so much

 **Big Sis** _9:03_

Hey Eliza when u come back there’s something I need to talk to u about

 

“Why does she want to see you?”

“I’m not sure. I only just read that one. I hope it’s nothing too serious. Well, I have to go back this weekend, whether I’m better or not, to do presentations for GSA. You should do it with me.”

“The representation in the media one? You know I basically only ever watch shows with you or with…” He stopped as he remembered John again. “You know, Eliza, you should tell me more about.” Eliza was a fan of many TV shows and did talk to him about it though nowhere near as often as he talked to her about his interests and thoughts. “It makes a change from me always talking.”

Eliza liked to bounce. Or rather, when she was talking about something she liked, something she was passionate about, be it a book series, a photographer, an animal she had seen or simply a subject she enjoyed talking about and having someone listen to about, her involuntary reaction was to bounce. And Alex liked to see her like this; not just happy because happy was her default setting. He liked to see her smile so much that her face glowed and dimples showed across her cheeks and he liked to hear what she had to say. He liked Eliza when she was bouncy very much.

“The worst thing is the few characters you do have who are both, people will call forced representation or dismiss it which is great. I love to know my own existence is forced representation.” She finished giving an explanation about the lack of racial diversity when it came to LGBT characters and blew her nose again. As she did so, he picked up her camera from the bedside table and almost dropped it.

“No, please don’t film me looking like this. And don’t hold it like that! You’ll break it! Here, give it to me.” He gave it to her and took some pictures of him instead. He pulled what he thought looked like the silliest face possible with his tongue out. “Beautiful. Would you consider a career as a fashion model? When I make a digital scrapbook of this year, we’ll call the pictures from today ‘When Eliza was sick and Alex was there to cheer her up.’ I really hope I get over this soon. You know, if I’m not better tomorrow, you can go without me.”

Martha had been in constant contact with a nurse at the hospital where John was kept since Alex and Eliza arrived at the Washingtons, getting what updates she could. He had been confirmed awake by the Saturday morning which calmed all their nerves, and he stayed the next two nights before being transferred to a unit on the Monday morning. If all went to plan, the two of them would be given clearance to see him the next day.

“You have me and I’m trying to be here for you as much as I can, but you need him, too. You don’t need to stay taking care of me.”

To show his gratitude for her generosity, her understanding, he brushed his lips across her scarred knuckle as he had done a million times before, with as much feeling as ever. She brushed a strand of hair back from his eyes.

“Now leave me alone. I’ve got studying to do.”

“What will you do if I go and you stay?”

“Oh, I’ll find something. I could study or read a book or watch a new Netflix series.” She looked expectantly at him. “What did I say? I’m trying to sleep.”

Just as he was getting up to leave, Martha came in, all dressed in her work clothes. She had a long shift ahead and would not be back until the next morning. “Kids, I have some bad news. I just heard that your friend John got moved out of the unit really late last night. Sometime around ten.”

“But he was only in there a day,” Eliza rasped.

“Apparently, the doctors thought nothing was wrong and that it had just been a one off thing from what he said to them.”

“They can’t do that. Surely they have to show more concern. I mean, I know it must be a horrible place there and he doesn’t want to be there but isn’t it breaking the law to just let him go like that?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Eliza. You’re right; they can’t let him go on without further treatment and just because he’s discharged, it doesn’t mean he won’t be seeing any external therapists.”

“Is he coming back to school then?” Alex asked. Even if he was not getting the help he needed, coming back would be able to give him some help. John once confessed to Alex that the only place he felt safe was with his friends – his real family – on campus. Then again, he was on campus when the overdose happened.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t look like it. My friend said his parents mentioned taking him home. I don’t know what that means and if he’ll come back next year.”

“No, he’s gone forever,” Alex sobbed and Martha took him up in her arms. All he could think was _I did this to him, I let him go, I lost him._

“Don’t cry, tomcat. I’ll go down to South Carolina and sort this out myself if I have to, but we will get him back.”

“Yeah, Alex. Everything will be alright,” said Eliza, raising a trembling hand to him. “I can talk to my parents and they can help us. We’ve just got to believe that it will all be alright.” But Alex heard the wobble in her voice and watched again as the hope was sucked from her.

 

* * *

 

Theo was practicing jumping, on a white horse with gray marks down its body, today.  Aaron personally knew nothing at all about horse riding but could tell Theo rode with such grace and expertise. She said she was no expert, despite having been riding since she had been able to sit on a horse, having entered and come in the top three in so many regional competitions. She still had so far to go, and so did he.

He just could not figure out how he would win Maria’s case. He had her report, the eyewitness account from Alexander, the reports from Eliza and Angelica from when they found her. What she had said he did to her broke so many laws. Violence and what could be counted as rape was enough to get him locked up for a long time and that was what he intended to do. But that was all the information he had.

Applying for the simpler route, a restraining order as Maria initially requested would still require facts he just did not have. This James Reynolds, his actions sounded like unstable outbursts but there was a mentality to them, something cruel and calculated. Maria was not lying; that much was certain. If he had not already believed her, hearing her talk the day he announced himself as her lawyer and seeing her cry like that could not have been staged, not even by the most talented actress. Which meant Reynold covered his tracks. He caught Maria with a hook and used his manipulative tactics to keep a hold of her so she could not go to the police.

Theo slipped one leg over the horse so both legs now sat on the same side of its flank, and slid down into the mud. Her riding gear consisted of a moss green fleece, tracksuits and slim-fitting leather boots that went all the way up her calves. She patted the horse on the head before approaching him, removing her helmet so her braids fell out. She had tied them all together in one big ponytail with a scrunchie, to keep her hair out of her eyes.

“What did you think?”

“Uh…very good,” he lied.

“You weren’t watching again, were you?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been really stressed out. I can’t promise anything because I don’t want to break any promises to you, but I’ll try and spend some time with you later. I just need to help win this for Maria.”

“Any updates?” She sat next to him on the bench and they stared out at the stables where horses were being lead.

“The hearing is set for three weeks from now. How am I supposed to pull this together in three weeks? Normally, people on trial are put in jail beforehand but they’re not doing that with him. The police are keeping a close eye on Reynolds though, so I don’t think he’ll try anything. From what I’ve heard, they’ve got him a lawyer.” A lawyer with far more years of experiences under their belt. He would be defeated.

“Are you meant to be discussing this with me?”

“I shouldn’t be. But you could be another statement. Yours would be the same as Angelica and Eliza’s from when you found Maria in her room but that would mean I _could_ include you.”

“I could be the voice of reason while you go over all the facts. Where do you have the files?”

“In my dorm.”

“It will be great bonding time.”

The stables were further from campus than most other entertainment locations for students of Columbia, far enough that it required a bus drive back. Aaron sat next to Theo but they made physical contact. This was not a sign of anything about their relationship other than his discomfort with showing affection in public. It annoyed him so much to see couples practically eating each other’s faces and he did not want to be the person annoying others. As far as he could tell, it was much less because they were in love that they would do that but instead that they were trying to throw in other people’s faces how in love they were.

“Have you thought anymore about paintballing?” Theo asked him.

This was the paintballing day the GSA were organizing for charity. Aaron had been to a few sessions but the event was not just for attendees of the group as far as he could tell. He had overheard a group of jocks discussing it, too. He had thought about it and he needed to get on Angelica’s good side because she was still apprehensive about him and how good he would be in fighting for Maria. To be honest, he was apprehensive about himself as well.

“I don’t understand what kind of madman would want to get covered in mud and paint and bruises and find it fun. I guess I’ll do it.”

“Good. Oh, it’s our stop.” The bus pulled up right outside the student lodgings and they turned the few corners before coming to his room on the first floor. The silence from within was bliss. Normally he would come back to find his roommate joined by Eliza Schuyler and sometimes John Laurens and the three of them playing some strange music. It was nice to have them out of here for a while though he did harbor some sympathy for them. He had heard something very nasty had happened to John Laurens which Theo had filled him in on details about.

The door was unlocked and on arriving, Aaron noticed that someone had stuck pictures on the wall of things that made absolutely no sense to him. Theo chuckled at the sight of them.

“I’m guessing you didn’t put memes up in your own room?”

“No. I don’t even know more than half of these memes.”

“Me neither. You know I don’t spend a lot of time online. But whoever thought of this prank is genius.”

“Yes, well, I’ve got all my notes and statements and records from both Maria and Reynolds, so maybe we should get started.” He pulled them from the desk drawer. “Maria Lewis, nineteen years old, born in Harlem where she’s lived her whole life. Her family has always been on the poverty line with her parents having to work as many jobs as they can to pay for them all. When Maria was eleven, she began to suffer from an unspecified eating disorder and was put in a unit for young people when she was twelve where she stayed for six months until she recovered.”

Theo looked puzzled. “She never mentioned that to any of us.”

“Maybe she didn’t want to think about it. She was supposed to regularly meet with therapists for the next few months to check on her but her parents couldn’t afford the meetings. But she also has an older sister who appears to have undiagnosed problems. She rarely visits her parents and seems to move from place to place. In Maria’s school reports since she was seven until about when she was fifteen, many teachers have pointed out that she is very emotional and they’re worried about her. Angelica said she tried to organize for her to see a therapist so if we can get a diagnosis before the hearing, we can argue that a much older man was taking advantage of a vulnerable girl who was eighteen the whole way through their relationship, therefore, only just of legal age.”

“I don’t think you should do that. She won’t like it, being called vulnerable.”

Aaron scowled at her. “Sometimes it’s just what needs to be said. It doesn’t mean it’s true. But we have to do what we can do sway the jury in our favor.”

“It’s just not what she would want. She said once to me that a horrible teacher at her school treated her like that as well as acting as if she were stupid and once said to her that she’d never get anywhere in life. It’s affected her to today and it seems like she’s put trust in you so she wouldn’t want to be seen as completely weak, nor to have mental illness associated with weakness. Though you could go into age difference.”

“You’re right. It just makes this whole thing harder. Let’s rethink it.”

“Well, what do you have on him?”

“Not much either. No record of any past abuse. He and some friends spent the night in jail when they were fifteen for stealing a few DVDs from a store but I think that’s irrelevant. Unless we find evidence of other abuse or find something more convincing than Alexander’s statement.

“How many people have you talked to?”

“I called some of his ex-neighbors and they hadn’t heard anything. Spoke to the people at the bar he worked at. They’ve fired him but because of the allegations and not because they ever noticed anything. I contacted his brother who actually owned the apartment and he didn’t say anything. The police say they searched the apartment but I don’t think they could stay their long and they didn’t find anything.”

“What would they have to find? They think he filmed what he did to her?”

“It’s not impossible but I doubt he would have. It’s just, I had suspicions about how he might have been keeping track of all she was doing. That was why I asked for the reports of the searches, because I thought he might have some kind of surveillance gear with footage of her. I can’t help but feel they missed something. They don’t even have a proper search warrant and he could have other places to hide things. Up until Maria came forward, everyone had thought he owned that apartment.”

“It seems a lot, to place it all on a hunch.”

“It’s all I have. Especially if I can’t argue mental health.” Realizing that might have sounded rude, he quickly apologized.

“If it is all you have, can you search again?”

“I could though I’m not supposed to. Maybe we should just wait. Something new could come up close to the time if that's what she meant to be." He instantly regretted his words. This had always been Aaron's principle but Maria had not hired him, hoping for fate to lean in her favor.

“Well who spent the most time in that place, knows it back to front?”

“His brother.”

“No, I mean the person on our side who knows the place. Maria was practically living with him. Does she know there’s been a search?”

He shook his head. “I’ve only been asking her for her side of the story.”

“If you could search again and bring her along, there might be a very small chance they did something. But if you really are willing to rely on this, you need to do it soon.”

 

* * *

 

The first phone call came in the evening of John’s first day home. Up until then, he had not even been thinking about it, too caught up in his own loneliness. He failed to notice that they had not received one call all day until the first one came.

At the time, he was studying. His phone, tablet, sketchbook and any drinks he could rely on had all been taken away. His exams were to be sent home because he could not return to school. His parents both said it would be bad for him to go back, giving him so much less enthusiasm for everything.

He crept to his door, hearing the ringtone and light footsteps outside, then his mother’s voice as she answered.

“Hello?” There was a pause. “Yes, I’m his mom.”

John held his breath, reminding himself it could just be a friend of Harry’s calling instead.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s very sick at the moment and it might upset him to have people reminding him what he’s missing.” There was another pause. “You sound like a nice, sensible girl. If you’re friends with, well, some of the people my son was mixed up with, I think you should stay away from them. They could hurt you as they hurt him. Thank you, alright, goodbye.”

The call was definitely meant for him. But who could it have been?

“Elena, who was that?” his dad asked from outside the door. He had not heard him approach.

“A girl from Columbia. She wanted to talk to John. She said her name was Eliza.”

He only became sadder with the long hours in his empty room as he overheard the whispering of what his mom and dad would do for him, who they would find for him to see to “make him better.” This house was the only thing making him sick.

The next call was the very next morning and John heard it because it came halfway through breakfast, when Martha, Harry and Mary Eleanor were getting ready for school. From the minute it was picked up, he could determine exactly who was calling.

“Philip Schuyler’s daughter, eh?” His dad responded confidently to a voice they could all hear on the other end of the line; Angelica’s voice. “Well, our boy certainly was mixing with lots of different crowds…I would suggest you don’t take that tone with me. I’m his father and I’ll say where he goes and who he talks to…Are you making a threat?” He laughed, ferociously. “Like Philip Schuyler would be able to do anything of the sort.” He smashed down the phone and glared at John who quickly lifted his orange juice glass to his face so he would not see the tears.

The third and final call came in the late afternoon of the third day. John had thought that if his dad had managed to deflect someone like Angelica, there was no chance anyone else would try again, but someone did. The phone rang as John did yet more studying.

“Laurens residence,” his dad said. “Yes. I am Henry Laurens…alright…alright…Young man, do you really think I’ll fall for that? I know exactly who you are and I know what you did to John.” Now he was in a rage and John felt a need to clamp his hands over his ears at how angry he sounded but knew he had to carry on listening. “Do not talk back to me! No, you cannot speak to him! I want you to stay away from my son for good, you filthy…” There was a deep sigh that sounded like his father trying to calm himself down. “You should just go back to where you came from, your little island. Then you can keep away from ruining the lives of hard-working, good people like my family and me. Now you will never call this number again!” he roared.

Alex had called his dad and his dad had shouted at him, told him to never speak to John again. He wanted to hear his voice again. He wanted to see his friends, Laf and Herc, the Schuyler sisters, Mattie, Maria, even Burr. And Alex; Alex most of all.

During dinner, he asked shyly if he could be excused and somehow, he was allowed to. He tiptoed up the stairs and took the phone off the hook and into his room. Hiding beneath the bed, he checked the most recent calls and dialed the latest number. It was picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?” answered a voice he knew to be Alex’s.

“Hi, Alex,” John whispered.

“John? Oh my God, Laurens, you’re okay! Are you alright? Why are you whispering? There’s so much I have to tell you!”

“Is that John?” gasped another voice and then Eliza had joined the conversation. Her voice sounded slightly nasal as if she had a blocked nose. “John, we were so worried about you. We’re so sorry about everything. It’s just, that you need to stay safe.”

“I can’t talk too much. My dad will realize I’ve taken the phone soon. He’s taken mine as well and I can’t email because they took my tablet.” He began to cry. “I don’t think I can last a day longer here.”

“You can leave,” Eliza said. “Listen, John, they can’t legally keep you if you don’t want to stay with them, whether they’re harming you or not. I’ve looked it up and there are buses from the town center all the way to Manhattan. It will be a long trip but you need to get here and come to Alex’s house.”

Alex began to dictate the address for him and John was reaching out the side of the bed for paper when a hand yanked on his and dragged him out. His father stood over him, like a devil, nostrils flaring and his grip on his wrist made him feel as if his bones were being crushed.

“What are you doing!? Get off the floor and give me that!” He pulled the phone out of his hands. “How dare you? How dare you do this to us? You’ve been raised to have no respect for us and you’ve gotten out of control.”

John’s mom was there, too, sobbing, and watching from behind her, Martha and Harry and Mary Eleanor, each looking so upset in their own ways. He tried to call out their names.

“You’ve put us through so much pain. All this trying to get attention for yourself; drinking and saying you want to kill yourself. All of our attention is on you, John! Think of your sisters and your brother and what this must be like for them! And you getting so _close_ with that boy! It makes me sick to think about it, all the things you might have been doing with him to disrespect us even more! You’re spoilt and you’re selfish.”

John pulled away from his dad and ran for the wall, beginning to smash his fists into the plaster, harder and harder and he heard his mother’s convulsion in the background. There was no escape. Not even trying to kill himself could have freed him. In fact, all that had done was make things worse.

“You see what you’re doing to your mother?”

“John, please.” She stepped towards him, touching his shoulders. “We thought we could get you help to deal with your…problem. But you don’t want that.” Suddenly, her tone became sour. “You know, there are times I just wish I could have a normal son, that you were like Harry or that I had James instead of you.”

John paused his punching for just a second. James was the name of the baby brother he should have had, if not for him having caused so much stress for his mom that she miscarried.

“Now, you stop this!” Henry yelled, striding toward him.

“ _Or what will you do_?” John wanted to shout but the words could not form themselves.

“I never want you speaking to that boy again! Do you understand me?”

“His name is Alex!” John screamed, feeling as if he was suffocating. In response, he was thrown into the mattress. He felt the crack of a hand, striking him across the face, once, twice, and John laughed, he laughed manically.

“Henry, Henry! Stop it!” cried Elena.

His dad backed away, leering at him on his bed. “Children, come on. Let’s leave. Special Prince John is too good for any of us.”

Later, as the dark washed over him and he shifted beneath the covers of his bed, he repeated the address in his head. He should do it but the question, the question he had not had time to ask Alex and Eliza was how. Notwithstanding the fact it would be terrifying to leave, having no clue where he was going, he relied on his parents for most of his tuition and if he left, he would never see his siblings again.

He kept coming back to earlier, the slaps to his face. It must have bruised by now but as his dad had hit him, he had laughed. At the time, he had thought he was enjoying the pain, but now he realized he had been laughing because that was the only thing his father had to remain his superior. All respect he had for him had vanished, washed away over years of harsh punishments and emotional manipulation. He had no love left to manipulate him with; the only thing he could lose was his brother and sisters. And his mother; she had tried to stop him being hurt but he knew it was an illusion and that she did not care for John, not the real John, either.

The decision came and he sat up and quietly pulled on a hoodie and jeans, packing up a backpack with just a few clothes, his textbooks and pencil case. Waiting was doing him no good. He was done waiting. Hopefully someday his siblings could understand and when they were old enough, he could come back to their lives. However, he was making no more excuses for those who just would not understand.

Mary Eleanor kept a box of money on the shelf near her bedroom door and he crept across the landing, one step at a time. When he reached the box, he gently removed the lid and took out a few twenty dollar bills. It would have to be enough and he promised himself he would find a way to pay her back.

The front door was bolted and had a chain across it and lots of noise was made removing these.

“Who is that?” he heard his dad say in his loud voice from upstairs. John hastened as the footsteps plodded along the landing and pulled the door open, stepping out into the cold.

“John! You get back here right—” John slammed the door, cutting off his father and cutting himself off from the house that had done him so much harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have written out a plan for the rest of the fic and it should have 35 chapters including an epilogue. I may have to skip a week either next week or the week after as I have exams and as a result am behind on my writing schedule. You can message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Thank you for reading and until next week x  
> Update: I'll post on the 22nd because I haven't even finished my current chapter.


	30. To Remind You Of My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I know it's been two weeks and I have more exams this week but I'm going to keep to the schedule again hopefully. Things are going to improve from this point in the story so enjoy x

When the doorbell rang, Alex awoke to find himself wrapped around Eliza in his bed at home. As was custom when Alex had guests staying, George and Martha let the guest sleep in the bed that usually belonged to Alex but tonight, Alex insisted he climb in with Eliza. It was not entirely because he found the camp bed stiff but because she was always the one comforting and cuddling him so they could switch roles. She was the supporter, the columns holding up their friendship group, meaning she could not always count on someone to be there to hold her up. She threatened him when he asked if he could come in at first, saying she would bite him if he caught a cold off her but now he was awake, he could see in the light cast from his nightlight that she smiled, peaceful and radiant. Her nails were a sky blue with silver outlines of flowers though some of these flowers were just blobs of nail polish. Painting her nails had been another means by which he helped cheer her up and from having done it with her in the past before, he managed to give a perfect smooth coat and he said he wanted to learn patterns. However, he practiced on his own fingers first and now had multi-colored dots all over his nails.

He sat up in bed and checked the time on his wall clock; it was a few minutes past midnight. Who was calling at this hour? There was no need for him to answer himself because he could already hear George heading downstairs.

“You okay, Alex?” Eliza asked, feeling his movement.

“Yeah. I just got woken up by the doorbell.”

“Really? What time is it?” she yawned.

“Past midnight.”

“Well, I want to see who it is.” She stretched out her limbs and tried to get up but almost fell onto the floor. He helped her get to her feet. Like young children listening in on their parents’ arguments, they crept to the bannisters and peered through but it only took Alex catching a glimpse of their visitor to hurtle down the stairs into his arms.

“John!” More than twenty four hours since they had last heard from him and here he was, traveled halfway across America. His hair and jacket were damp and he shivered and he carried only a small rucksack with him. There was a bruise right next to his nose.

“Oh God, I missed you so much! I thought…I thought you were gone and that I’d lost you. When we heard your dad drag the phone away from you, he sounded so angry, like he was going to kill you. Oh, Laurens!”

John laughed though those green eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m fine, Alex. I’m—”

Alex silenced him, happily, crashing his lips into his and staying there, letting his taste linger. George cleared his throat.

They took a step apart and looked at the older man, yawning in his pajamas. Eliza had reached the foot of the stairs and ran over to John as well. She wrapped him in her arms and held him, pressing kisses all over his face.

“Sorry about that,” Alex said to George.

“Don’t worry, Alex,” George said. “Martha and I were just the same when we were younger. Now, why don’t you come through to the sitting room and tell us what happened, son?”

When the four of them were seated on the couch together, John began to tell his story.

“I ran out in the middle of the night. My dad was following me but I managed to get away and get to the town center. It took a while for me to find the buses you talked about Eliza and there wasn’t one until seven in the morning so I had to sleep in the bus shelter. No one came looking for me though. So, yeah, I arrived in New York but it is a big place and I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t have my phone so no maps and ended up just falling asleep on a doorstep but this woman woke me to ask me if I was alright and I told her the address I was looking for and she drove me here.”

“When was the last time you had anything to eat?” George asked him when he was done.

“I bought some chocolate at the corner store but that was before the bus left. I didn’t have much money.”

“I made curry for dinner and we have some leftovers in the fridge. Are you a fan of dhal?”

“I’m good with anything now.”

“I’ll go and get that for you. I’d better call Martha and the cops and tell them you’re here.”

“The cops?” John asked, alarmed.

“Yes, son. Your parents have to know you’re safe and I don’t want to be seen as a kidnapper.”

“But then they’ll come for me and take me back.”

“No, John.” Eliza stood up. “They can’t. You’re dating a law student and he’s dating a social work student so we know about these things and we looked it up. You’re over eighteen so you can decide not to live with them and they can’t do anything about that.”

“But they can say I’m a danger to myself.”

“If they argue that, they might have to put you back in the unit and they won't want that. How did you get out of there in the first place, by the way?"

“I’m not sure. I get the feeling my dad threatened them.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go back to him. Did he hurt you?” Eliza asked. “John, is that a bruise on your face?"

“Look, can we, uh, talk about this in the morning? I’m just glad to be back with you guys.”

“I’ll go and get your dinner,” George said. “Though I don’t know how much time you’ll get in the morning. These two are going back on campus.”

“You’ve been away?”

“Yeah,” Eliza said. “Everything with you upset us quite a bit so we needed some time off. But everyone is doing presentations for GSA tomorrow which I said I’d help with.”

“He should come with us,” Alex suggested.

“Alex, John’s only just gotten here and he must be exhausted.”

“No, it sounds fun. Thanks, Eliza, but I think I can make it. It’s been so long since I saw everyone and I need something to distract myself from worrying what will happen when my dad finds out I’m back with you.”

“He was really horrible to Alex on the phone.”

“I heard. I was listening to the conversation. How did you find out our home number?”

“Oh, that was my dad,” said Eliza. “He knows yours, and he doesn’t like him very much so he was very willing to help us. Would you look at us?” Eliza said, squeezing in between them and putting an arm around each of them. “The three of us back together again.”

Alex had never felt such euphoria before that John was actually here, next to him. Something had gone right. Someone he loved had gone through so much suffering and survived. It could be that the curse on him was broken.

 

* * *

 

Angelica sat impatiently in the cafeteria, opposite Eliza, John and Alex who had pulled their chairs together and had a blanket draped over them. They had been blocking her out of their discussion since they arrived. When Eliza had texted to say she was back and ready to hear the news Angelica had to tell her, she had not counted on the others being brought along.

“You never did tell us all of what happened, John. Pardon me if it’s insensitive but was there a reason you chose to take all those pills in the first place?”

“My parents found out about Alex and me. There was a picture of us they saw.”

“Oh no.” Eliza looked frantically to Alex then Angelica. “You see, we knew about it but that was ages ago and Peggy managed to get it taken down. You can barely tell it’s you unless the person knew you really well. But we can ask Peggy to try and find it again.”

“What’s the point?” he sighed. “There’s no more damage that can be done. They know now. But yeah, maybe that would be good.”

“Does them knowing make you feel any better?” Angelica asked him.

“Not really. It was terrible when they first did and I just…I had no idea what would come next. It’s made things here easier because if someone here from South Carolina found out I’m gay now and told my parents, they already know. It would probably make them angrier having other people knowing the dirty secret about their son but they were the ones I was scared of. How did I end up in hospital?”

“It was all down to Angelica,” Eliza said proudly, taking her hand across the table.

“Herc and I went up to your dorm and found you there. You were barely conscious so I tried to do CPR and we called an ambulance.”

“Why were you going to Herc’s dorm?” Eliza asked with complete innocence. It only brought her back to the questions about him that she would inevitably have to answer.

“He was just showing me some new designs.”

“Well, I have something to say,” Alex said, climbing to his feet.

“Do not go making public declarations, _please._ ”

Instead, he knelt before John. “Don’t go thinking you’re the only one and that you’re alone. John, I’ve wanted to die since my dad left because of me. I’ve seen other people die instead of me since I was a child and felt there was nothing left to live for. I was six the first time when one of my friends drowned because we both swam out too far.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I’m sure lots of other people feel the same way as you do because we’re growing up in this cruel and dangerous world and we’re the generation realizing how cruel and dangerous it all is. But my point is that you’re not alone with this.”

“How did you get through it all?”

“Therapy mostly. It wasn’t perfect but it did help. And finding people who loved me, letting them love me. Like I love you, John. It’s not gone. It will never be gone but I can subdue it.”

“If this ever happens again, you can come to us and we’ll do whatever we can, because we love you,” Eliza added.

“Sorry for putting you all through that.”

“Oh here we go,” muttered Angelica.

“Don’t. If this is anyone’s fault, it’s your parents’. What kinds of people do things like that to their kids? Even my own dad wasn’t that bad,” said Alex. “You’re amazing and they can’t appreciate you.” Then Alex swiveled on his knees to face Eliza, instead. “But don’t think you’re not amazing either, Eliza, just because I’ve been saying all this to John. I love you just as much as him and I’m sorry if I don’t make it feel like that sometimes.”

“You show how much you love her a lot more often than you need to,” said Angelica, having had enough of this speech, now.

“I’ll buy you some tea, John,” Eliza said, pulling the blanket off her shoulders when John got up as well.

“If you’re buying me tea, I’m buying you tea as well.”

“No, you can’t buy me tea. I’ve had tea.” But when she went up to order from the counter, he got up as well. “John, please, I just want to buy you tea.”

“I love this,” said Alex. “It’s like you’re trying to have a competition to see who can aggressively love the other the most.”

Angelica waited just the few remaining minutes until they returned and traded tea before she pulled Eliza off to a separate table.

“Oh yeah, what was it you wanted to tell me, Angelica?”

“You took your time asking. Okay, well.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Herc asked me out.”

Eliza almost spat her tea out and sat up with a rigid spine. “What? What happened?”

Angelica explained the situation quickly, all the way up to finding Peggy and Mattie, and Herc running off.

“Of course Peggy was in your closet. She’s always in the weirdest of places. So he didn’t ask you out? He asked if he _could_ ask you out.”

“He didn’t even get that far before we found Peggy. I’m surprised she hasn’t told you about it. Lafayette already confronted me about it from what she told them.”

“Have you had a chance to talk to him about it since?”

“He’s sort of been avoiding me. I feel like I’m stuck in the Alexander and John drama again.”

“Hey, did you know that when John rejected Alex the first time because he told him he was straight, Alex ended up in Maria’s room? He was visiting her everyday just to be all emo about how John would never want to talk to him again.”

“And then I came in and saved the day and set you up with him.” She chuckled. “God, those two were ridiculous.”

“Then how do you feel about him? Do you feel the same way?”

“I don’t know. I never thought about it. I mean, Hercules is one of my closest friends. It’s not like he’s unattractive and he has a great personality. I just never have the time to think about relationships. You know I’ve never dated anyone. Being demiromantic, I always felt I’d feel it all at once with someone I knew well but with the few crushes I have had, it was just over time I realized I could see myself dating them. It’s all so confusing.”

“You could have anyone you wanted.”

Angelica smiled. “That part is true.”

“If you’re not sure, you could talk to him, test it out. At the beginning, I liked Alex but I couldn’t have known if there was anything long lasting there unless I tested it out. And there was.”

“I don’t want it to ruin our friendship though. When he told me, there was a minute I could imagine the two of us together and that would be nice. It was really out of character for me. I’m just too busy for drama in my own life. But I just thought it was nice.”

“Sounds like you have some expectations about true love and soulmates.”

“Maybe I do.”

“I always thought you’d end up with some really clever person if you did go with anyone,” said Eliza. “Someone who could match your wit.”

“He is clever,” Angelica asserted to her. “Not bookish but who else could create clothes like that or cook like that? A creative mind. And here I was thinking he was after you.”

Both sisters laughed.

“Okay, now tell me about this Peggy calling Mattie daddy thing.”

“Right, well, she was texting and I asked her why she had Dad listed as ‘daddy’ completely oblivious, and then I read the next text which was something I do not want to repeat that she would never say to Dad and I realized.”

“It’s good to have you back.”

 

* * *

 

“What? Look at this. People are actually talking about us on social media.” Eliza stood over the stove in the student kitchen, checking her phone with one hand while pulling pots and pans from drawers with the other. Alex had one of the books he was writing an essay on in his English exam and was highlighting key quotes.  A recent remix of Eliza’s which was a combination of jazz and Lana Del Rey music played in the background, leaving Eliza melancholy and jovial at the same time, nodding her head in time. Alex had heard this before and said he liked it and sure enough, he did seem to be humming along with the tune.

“I’m sorry, what?” Alex stuttered, spinning around and almost dropping the book. He was too caught up in studying to be able to instantly return to reality.

“The presentations from earlier.” Just a few hours ago, Eliza had done her presentation on LGBT representation in the media. She was explaining a topic she had more than significant knowledge on, something she confidently talked about regularly through her videos; the topic of representation in the media. Yet, it was different in front of a crowd, with people who she could see and who did not actively seek out videos on social justice in their spare time, unlike most of her viewers. The problem with doing the presentation in public was that she had stage fright. She could perform on the piano as backing music and every so often perform at recitals in front of smaller audiences. But when she was center stage and she was talking and people were listening to her, even if they were just a group of bored college students and that was scary. But she had gotten through it.

“It’s on Twitter. We’re not trending or anything. There’s no tag but some people are saying they enjoyed it. They liked Laf’s presentation.”

“Of course they did. Who else gets the attention of a crowd by pressing on ten air horns at once?” asked John.

“I still don’t know how it was possible for them to do that.”

“They have eight fingers and two thumbs. That’s enough, isn’t it?” Eliza continued to read. “This girl says she liked being handed out free condoms but doesn’t know what to do with them.” That had been a part of the sex education presentation and Eliza helped hand them out.

“What else?”

“A few people making fun of how ‘liberal’ the college has become and adding an unnecessary joke about safe spaces. Well, I guess not everything can be perfect. Most people are giving good feedback. Angelica will be impressed. Oh, a few people say they wanted better explanations of what words meant. I guess we couldn’t assume that everyone would be familiar with the terminology. So, are you ready to get messy?”

For a while, Alex and Eliza had been planning on making a fun video together though both of them knew that with the entire situation that had been surrounding John the last couple of weeks, neither of them would appear overly enthusiastic on camera and Eliza’s cold may also have been an issue but now her cold had mostly cleared up and John had returned and was spending an evening with his roommates. Eliza had been worried they might drink too much but reminded herself that Herc was reasonably responsible and may be able to keep the two younger students under control and restrain them from drinking too much.

“What do you want me to do with the berries?”

“We’ll do those while the pastry’s in the oven. We have to make the pastry first.” She moved all the basic ingredients onto the space in front of her, sugar, butter, flour, milk and a small packet of yeast. Just as she was about to start weighing them out, she heard her phone ringing from in her pocket. “Oh, it’s Angelica. She’s probably calling to tell me something else Peggy did. Give me a second.”

“Hey, Eliza,” Angelica panted, sounding as if she were out of breath. “Is Alexander with you?”

“Yeah, he is.” She looked around to him.

“Put me on speaker.” Once Eliza had set the phone down on the counter, her sister’s voice began to echo across the room. “Alexander, you were mentioned in Tom Paine’s latest feature.”

“Who?”

“How can you not know about Tom Paine? You’re a politics student, aren’t you?”

“I’ve heard of him. I just don’t know what he does.”

“He’s an author Angelica likes,” Eliza began to explain. “He talks about social justice and he does an online magazine every month.”

“They’ve also started printing them though I prefer his online content,” said Angelica. “He’s publishing his own book, Common Sense. It’s coming out soon, basically calling for all the things that need to change in the American political system. But he covers loads of subjects, racism and homophobia and abortion and despite being a cis white man he has really good views.” She stopped her rant to take some more breaths. It sounded as if she had run to wherever she was now. “Anyway, he makes lists of recommended things to read and you were on his list of five books to look out for this year.”

“Where was I on the list?”

“Fourth.”

“I couldn’t even make it into the top three?”

“Alexander, this is really good for getting the word out there. Do you even want to hear what he says?” Before Alex could respond, Angelica began to read. “’Four years ago, we hopefully watched as a promising teenaged boy traveled to the US to get an education. Now a young adult, we finally get a chance to see Alexander Hamilton’s first professional work.  Beat Without A Melody is set with the backdrop of the War of Independence. It is the dawn of battle and two couples that most would think were impossible fight for possibility. This will undoubtedly become another piece of classic LGBTQ historical fiction. If you want to read more of his work, you can visit his website or writing blog.’ There you go. What do you think?”

“Do a lot of people read his magazine?” Alex asked.

“He’s mostly known about on the internet. He has many more readers than Eliza has YouTube subscribers which shows you just how incredible he is that more people are interested in him than in the flawless.”

“Angelica has a bit of a crush on him,” Eliza teased.

“No, I don’t,” she said, too roughly for Eliza to believe her. “Well, I have to go count up the money from today. Hopefully Alexander looks more excited than he sounds.”

Eliza looked at Alex who seemed slightly dazed. “He does.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow. Get some studying done.”

“So, what do you think?” Eliza asked Alex, once she had put the phone down, placing her hand over his. “Maybe Angelica will read your book now.”

“I like the sound of this Tom Paine. He has good taste in books, even if he has the worst first name in the world.”

“ _And_ they mentioned three soldiers in the description instead of two. They understand the importance of the female characters which you can thank me for. You know, maybe we could use this video to advertise your book more. Are you ready to introduce yourself to my subscribers then?”

For the final stage of preparation for filming, Eliza pushed Alex from view of the camera which faced her behind the stove and pressed the record button.

“Hey, dreamers and welcome to another episode of MsBlueSky. I’ve had a lot of requests for this so today I’m going to be giving a lesson on polyamory. However, I have someone to help me talk about this. Alex, come on.”

Alex jumped in next to her.

“A lot of you probably heard a few months ago that Alex is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a little more than six months and I figured it was time for everyone to meet him. Alex, anything you want to say?”

“Um, hello everyone. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing here but you all are watching the right channel.”

“The reason I’m having Alex talk about this with me is not so we can talk about our relationship but because a few months ago, Alex figured out for himself that he was polyamorous and it was already a few months into our relationship so this is something we’ve been figuring out together. Before we start talking, we’re also going to be cooking. I’m trying a simple recipe for cinnamon rolls which I found online and adapted so we’re going to make a berry sauce to fill them with. As college students, we don’t really get the chance to eat more than pizza or pot noodles so this is one of the first times Alex has cooked properly.”

“So prepare for a bit of a mess,” Alex finished for her.

They mixed the ingredients together with their hands in a bowl until it came out as dough which they rolled onto the floured surface and brushed the cinnamon mixture across it. They rolled it up and cut it into pieces. This was the stage where the two of them equally explained the definition of polyamory as they knew it was important to give definitions after the feedback from the presentations beforehand.

“Like me, Alex is bi, so we bonded over sexuality jokes quite a lot at the beginning, and I suppose it must be hard being both bisexual and polyamorous with all the stereotypes we see onscreen. If you’ve been watching my videos for a long time, you’ll know all about my feelings on this, but bisexuals in the media are made out to be promiscuous and to cheat a lot. To clarify, polyamory is not cheating. It can involve promiscuity but is more often one or more people in a consenting and dedicated relationship. There are lots of types of polyamorous relationships. You could have relationships like triads where all people, which can be more than three, have romantic or sexual relationships with each other. You can have where one polyamorous person is dating two or more people and all those people have friendships with each other.” Eliza smiled, thinking of the incredible bond she now had with John. “So we have been exploring some of these, together.”

The dish with the rolls on was popped into the oven and Alex began to speak. She realized for a video on a subject he should be the one to talk about, she was doing most of the talking.

“For a while, I knew I was attracted to more than one person at the same time and I thought that was being unfaithful, if I liked someone else while I was dating one person, even if I still liked them, too.”

“Yes and there’s a very funny story where he tried to break up with me because he liked someone else as well.”

“Eliza’s been amazing because she explained to me what polyamory was and I automatically just…clicked with it. It was like knowing this was a label that existed solved so many of my own issues. And Eliza, I think, were you uncomfortable at the start?”

Eliza thought back to the early days, all her own insecurities. “Even though I’d researched the subject a lot, I still had some bad worries, that I wasn’t going to matter as much or that he’d cheat on me. Which is stupid. Because, you all know, I have four sisters, and Alex has one brother.” Squashing the mix they had made of strawberries, raspberries and sugar, Alex pressed too hard with the masher and berry juice sprayed all over their hands. Eliza laughed, smudging it on the surface. “We’re going to have a lot of cleaning up to do. So basically, if you’re ever in a relationship with someone polyamorous, I’d say if you don’t think you can do that, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But you should remind yourself that I don’t love each of my sisters less than Alex loves his one brother. There’s not a certain amount of love in our heart that we use up. Alex, do you think people cheating could often be from people being polyamorous but not realizing it?”

“I don’t have time for dirty cheaters!” he professed. “Our society is so fixed on monogamous relationships that a lot of people become scared by it and maybe that is the reason for a lot of cheating, but that doesn’t make it excusable.”

“Do you think it’s possible for anyone to be in a polyamorous relationship or do you think it’s like sexuality and there are polyamorous and monogamous people?”

“Um, I don’t know. You said when we figured it out that you were completely monogamous but you said recently you’re not repelled by the idea of dating another person.”

“It’s because you’re so boring. No, Alex, I’m joking,” she said, holding his hand after seeing the slight look of offence on his face. “Alex is certainly not boring. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic but having explored polyamory with someone who has it as the only way they can have relationships, it’s simple and it’s nice so it’s more appealing than I originally thought. And in non-western cultures, they have different types of relationships to ours whereas we only have a system of being married and committed to one person, so it’s likely something ingrained into society. What do you think of the idea that this some millennial fad?”

“That’s stupid! Most people I’ve explained to about it who _were_ millennials just assumed I was cheating on you and even made jokes about millennial fads themselves.”

“ _And_ it’s not something that just was invented. We know that just because something becomes more widely acknowledged, it doesn’t mean it’s just been invented, like what we said when we talked about queer history. The woman who organized the first pride parade which was nearly fifty years ago was poly. The creator of Wonder Woman was in a triad with two bisexual women. That got me really excited. And Angelica was telling me about this historical series about pirates with a poly relationship which is based on a real one, and that’s a good three hundred or four hundred years ago. It’s not a new thing. I think this shows how important labels can be. Lots of people don’t want to use labels and lots of people make fun of them but there was something so important in you saying how it cleared so much up when you discovered the word and I was there with you that day. You were so much happier. That’s why we shouldn’t make fun of labels. Oh, I think the pastry is ready. Let’s see how it’s turned out.”

She took out the tray, feeling the warmth through the fabric of the oven gloves. The pastry was lightly browned with darker brown spots where the cinnamon had been spread. Unfortunately, what had formed were not perfect spirals but swollen, misshapen lumps, fusing into one another.

“Oh dear,” she said to the camera.

“That one looks like a snowman.”

Eliza chuckled. “It does. Let’s put the icing and berry sauce on.”

This was a quick process, though the video probably ran to forty five minutes by this stage. Once it was done, Alex tore one roll from the very middle, accidentally pulling away a great chunk from the one next to it.

“I bet it tastes good. You know what this looks like, Eliza?” he asked. “It looks like you.”

“Right, because I’m a cinnamon roll. Did you really request we make cinnamon rolls just so you could make that joke?”

“Actually, our friend who likes puns told me to.” That was exactly the type of thing John might say.

“We’ll take some back to him.”

“It tastes good, too,” he said, while chewing. “If we’re ever apart, I’ll make these to remind me of you.”

“Isn't he sweet? Alright, dreamers. Alex has a book he’s releasing soon called Beat Without A Melody and I helped write it. One of our friends did the illustrations and it’s about queer history so look out for that. I’ll link his Tumblr and website below. Sweet dreams, everyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again everyone for sticking with me this far. For feedback, you can leave a comment or message me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. Until next week x


	31. Running Out Of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone. I am very exhausted in posting this because I have stayed up all night to write it but it's done so I'm proud. Everyone enjoy x

The first week of finals was edging to a close. Maria had just finished her written paper for Medicine. On her short journey from the exam hall to the Alpha Xi house, Maria managed to hold herself together, but everything changed when she arrived. She saw Eliza wave to her from beside Theo’s car and as she approached her, the first thing she was asked was how the test went. That was when she could not hold it together anymore.

“I panicked at the beginning and started crying and they had to take me out. I read through all the questions and I couldn’t think how to answer any of them.” She broke, feeling tears welling and knowing if anything remained of her eyeliner after her outburst earlier, it would all be gone by this point.

“But they gave you the time back?”

“Yeah. It’s just I wasted so much time reading through and not writing anything I missed out almost a whole page of questions. Some of them I just couldn’t remember and had to guess. I probably got the lowest mark out of anyone. Okay, I’m not going to cry.” It was pointless to say that when she already was crying. She took two fingers and held one above her eye and one below, as if widening her eyes would stop the tears.

“It doesn’t matter. It is only your first year. I got a B last year on my exams.”

“It’s not a B I’m worried about getting!”

“Right. Well, maybe we shouldn’t do this today,” Eliza suggested, patting her shoulder.

“We _are_ doing this today, Eliza. I don’t care how Maria’s feeling. We can’t delay this any longer and it’s helping her in the long term.”

“Angelica’s right. I have to do this,” Maria insisted to Eliza. I can handle it.”

“Thank you. Now get in the car,” Angelica instructed them. She opened the door for them, only for Maria to notice Peggy was occupying the middle seat and in the midst of an argument of Angelica.

“Peggy, I told you to go away.”

“No way. If you’re going on a road trip, I want to come.”

“For the fifth time, it’s not a road trip! We’re going downtown and it will take twenty minutes. You’re not even involved in the court case.”

“Neither is Theo.”

“Well, Theo is driving. It’s her car.”

“You and Eliza aren’t even proper witnesses. The only one who actually saw anything happen was Hamilton and he’s not here.”

“Alex has an exam tomorrow and you know what he’s like. I don’t think he’s left the dorm all week.”

“He’s such a baby. He should be able to take care of himself,” remarked Peggy.

“Eliza needs to be here because she’s Maria’s best friend and she needs her if she’s going to be in a place with so many bad memories, to comfort her. I need to be here to keep an eye on Burr and make sure he’s doing his job properly.”

“I’m glad you’ve cleared that up for me,” said Burr, who was sitting in the front seat next to Theo, equipped with his strange umbrella.

“Besides, there’s no room for you in the car.”

“You never let me do anything. It’s so unfair!”

“Yes, it’s because I’m your sister and I have to keep you out of trouble. The last place I’m going to let you go is a crime scene. Now get out.”

“Or what will you do? Will you tell mom?” Peggy mocked.

“Actually, that’s a good idea. I’ll call her now.”

Peggy folded her arms and got up to leave. “You win this round, Angelica.” As she went, Eliza replaced her in the middle seat and Maria followed. The car moved off at full speed, tearing round the corner. Maria had never been driven anywhere by her before and already she was worried that they were driving into disaster. It was a relief, therefore, when they reached traffic and there was less of a risk of crashing.

In their backseats, Maria began to experiment on Eliza’s hair, partially out of habit but also partially so she could practice for a final hair and makeup test. She carried around hairpins in her pocket at all times and had found some just the other day with false flower buds attached in different colors. Naturally, she had bought a pack as they were quite cheap and now she fished out those that were blue, especially for Eliza.

“I’m going to braid your hair into a flower shape on the back of your head.” Maria kept a steady hand, even when the vehicle jolted and managed to maintain conversation with Eliza.

"I was seeing all these gay prom proposals on Instagram last night and just thinking how nothing like that ever happened at our school," Eliza was saying. "And they're all showing up in suits. Any girl who wore a suit at our school would have been stabbed."

"Well, girls look good in suits," said Maria, causing Burr to give a confused glance at them.

"I've always wanted to wear a suit. Like I love wearing floaty dresses and all but I'd quite like to try out the soft butch style."

"I bet you could pull that off. It would look real good on you."

“Cut the gay shit, you two," said an unimpressed Angelica from Eliza's right side.

“What? She’s just braiding my hair, Angelica.”

“We’re here, anyway,” Theo told them, with the voice on the GPS announcing this fact a few moments later. She sharply pulled into a parking spot beside the curb and they all stared at the building.

It had been a few months since Maria had been here last. Back then, visiting these apartments was just a part of her ordinary life, if her life had ever been what you would call ordinary. Now, it still felt so mundane yet like a scene from a nightmare. This may just be a block of modern apartments in one of the liveliest cities in the world but it might as well be a crumbling haunted house. It was a good thing James was not there any longer.

The windows on the floor that he had lived on were boarded up and the flower pots that she had filled with the red roses he bought her which she had no space for in her dorm were gone as well, all reassuring signs of his absence. However, in the corner of her eye, she could almost see him coming up the street, armed with gifts for her.

“It doesn’t look like a crime scene,” remarked Eliza, climbing out of the car to look up.

“It’s not a crime scene, Eliza,” Burr began to explain. “This isn’t like someone was robbed or murdered, where you might find fingerprints or a murder weapon. We know the perpetrator and we know he was staying here.”

“Crime scene or not, I don’t want Peggy coming anywhere near here.”

“What do you need me to do?” Maria asked Burr. He had explained to her over the phone a little about how with her knowing the apartment so well, she may be able to find some incriminating evidence on James’ behalf. She just had no idea what she was supposed to be looking for.

“Come inside and we’ll see what’s been checked. If you knew of any hiding places of his, we can look in them.”

Still not really understanding what she was supposed to do, she was the first up the stairs. It was two flights before they reached his floor, and on the landing stood a man, twirling a ring of keys around his fingers.

“Aaron!” he called, looking right through Maria. Then he addressed her. “And you’re Maria Lewis, aren’t you?” Maria grimaced as he mispronounced her name, saying the way it was commonly used. “I’ve seen a picture of you. You changed your hair since then.”

Maria brushed a hand through the curls of her bob and wondered just how he had managed to see a picture of her. “Um, it’s actually Maria like Mariah Carey. My parents liked the old fashioned spelling of it.”

“Okay. Well, I’m Jake and I’m the landlord here. I don’t check in very often but I never liked your ex the few times I met him. If I’d known what was going on, I would have thrown the brother and him out. Know I’m completely on your side.” He turned to Burr. “Aaron, I can give you half an hour but you should wear gloves and don’t move anything too much. I can’t go getting in trouble for letting you in.”

Then she was in there again, the small living space made up of a kitchen attached to the sitting room with the bathroom and bedroom through the next door. The rooms felt bare. All the essential furniture remained; the orange sofa, the TV, tables, chairs and all the cooking equipment. But the posters he used to have on the walls for wrestlers and the shoes he would leave on the floor and the stack of newspapers and magazines he always had on the coffee table and the plant pots were gone. He had thoroughly swept the place of all that was his, rather than just abandoning it in the middle of the night, and that was when the irritable question hit Maria: if he had been so careful in taking everything with him, why would he leave any evidence behind?

She started by searching under the kitchen surfaces and the couch. They checked for any loose floorboards though she was sure loose floorboards where things could be hidden were a thing of fantasy. Angelica and Eliza went to look in the bedroom and came away empty-handed.

“It looks like we’re at a dead end,” said Angelica. “We should go.”

“No, no! We can’t give up yet, Angelica! There must be something we’ve missed!” This protest came from Eliza who immediately began to rummage through the empty kitchen cupboards. She even opened the fridge, her desperation making her unsteady and her grip clumsy. Maria knew she could be more pragmatic than Eliza and had considered the possibility that James would face no punishment at all. Unfortunately, it seemed all the more real now. She was helpless, just as she had been before.

“Eliza. Eliza, come on.” Angelica took her sister’s wrists and held her back.

“Can we just search one last time?” Eliza begged her. “We have time. We do.”

Angelica sighed but nodded. “Okay. Burr, remind me what we’re looking for.”

“Well, I thought he might have some surveillance gear. Cameras or recording devices. They could be hidden if they’re still here or there might be packaging left over.”

“Would proving he bought gear be enough?” Maria asked, having a thought.

Burr pondered over this. “It could hold some weight in court.”

“Great. Let’s go ask every surveillance store in New York if he bought anything from them. Should take no time at all.” Angelica’s sarcasm did not help anyone.

“No. I mean we can look for receipts. I had this conversation with him once. We were joking about growing up with parents who were struggling with money and said about how they had to keep all their receipts and papers so they’d always be able to know how much they were spending. And he said he’d started doing it, too.”

“So you think it might still be around here?” asked Angelica, before jumping to her own conclusions. “Of course! He wouldn’t want to get rid of them and he wouldn’t be worried about what might happen if they were found. Or he could have forgotten them but if he keeps all these receipts, he probably didn’t bring them with to wherever he’s staying now. So where might he have hidden them?”

“The shelves,” she replied, after a long silence. Recipe books were stacked along shelves in the kitchen and Maria knew he had a bookcase in his room.

“We only have ten minutes left.” Everyone looked to each other, then sprinted in opposite directions. As quickly as they could, they picked books up one by one and shook them out before replacing them.

“Found them!” shouted Theo. A pile of small papers fell to the floor from a map book, held in place by a paperclip.

“Maria, that was genius!” said a cheerier Eliza, wrapping her arms around Maria from the back.

“They’ve been ordered by date,” said Angelica, peering in closer. “Well, we can thank him for that in court. So we’re going to be checking from October last year to now. The most recent one is from the end of March. I’ll go backwards. No. No. No.” She flicked through them, reading each at an impossible rate. “No surveillance equipment.”

Eliza’s face fell, briefly, before Angelica spotted something else.

“Hang on a second. There’s a signed receipt here from February. He bought some storage space in Queens. That’s important because it fits into the time period.”

“We could go and search there, now,” suggested Eliza.

“I’m not sure about right now, but that’s actually really interesting,” said Burr, taking the receipt from Angelica. “I might be able to get a police search warrant today, especially if they didn’t know about this storage space.” It would have to be today. They had so little time left before the hearing.

Eliza and Angelica each took one of Maria’s hands.

“Don’t worry. This will work out,” Eliza promised her.

“How do you know? It could be nothing.”

“The date matches. It’s the biggest lead we have right now and everyone knows I find the justice system really flawed but we’re going to have to stick to their rules and try to persuade them, for you to feel safe.”

 

* * *

 

“Where are we?” Angelica could see nothing with Herc’s big hands covering her eyes as he directed her through the mall.

“Just a bit further.” She heard music, one of those pop songs that you would recognize but not be able to name the artist. They were not memorable enough for that which made them perfect music to play in shopping malls, so they must have entered a store.

“You can look now.” He pulled his hands away and looked around the interior of a trendy clothes store.

“Why is this the big surprise?” she asked him, hands on hips.

“Just thought it was an awesome idea because it’s prom season. So everything is on sale and we can work on my wedding dresses idea.”

Angelica had completely forgotten about his current project. This was the first time she had spoken to him in about two weeks which was not really so long. After heeding Eliza’s advice, she called him and had actually asked herself if he wanted to go on a practice date. He had been louder and more excited than she had ever seen him but had not brought up the nature of his feelings once in their whole time there. She knew that made it less awkward but it also felt like there was a huge gap between them, no matter the fact that he was close enough to her for her to feel the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck.

“What do prom dresses have to do with wedding dresses?”

“Prom is marketed as a wedding for teenagers. There might be some wacky ideas we can use here if people want fun weddings. Look at this! It’s really fifties style!”

He took a dress off the rail in front of them, long and flowing to the floor, navy blue with red spots and a red belt around the middle.

“I can’t imagine anyone ever wearing anything like that to prom.”

“But we might find a bride who likes rockabilly but also wants a formal dress. I could borrow this design. Or for the goth bride.” He took another dress, black lace with long sleeves.

“It looks like something Bellatrix from Harry Potter might wear,” she laughed.

Things were no different on this practice date to what they had always been. For Angelica, this was unexpected. She and Herc, their friendship had always been something good, something rare, and she was worried she would lose that now. Here they were, though, talking and laughing about clothes. It was all too confusing for her.

She chose a few dresses she could see herself wearing if she were three years younger and about to attend prom; three pink and one a shade of purple which Herc called “red violet” but which Angelica thought could pass for pink at a distance. They took them to the changing rooms with a few fun accessories – sunglasses, big hats and a pink, faux fur coat – and Herc took pictures of her wearing the selection of outfits.

Last, she came out in the black lace dress with a big, black sunhat to match, and spun in front of the mirror.

“They should reboot the Harry Potter movies,” he said.

“Huh?”

“Bellatrix.”

“Oh, of course. Yeah, maybe if I could act, I could pull that off.”

“How long could you deal with not wearing pink?”

“You make a valid point. People have always said I'm a Hermione, anyway.”

Before they left, she paid for the fur coat and slipped it on her shoulders. Even though it was mere weeks until the summer months, the extent of the air conditioning within the mall was enough to make you think you were outside in December.

In the middle of the open space between the stores, there was a piano. It was free to have a go at playing, but Angelica was not interested and would not have given the piano a second thought if not for what happened next.

A man rushed up behind the two of them, noticeably drunk even though it was still the afternoon. He was very strangely dressed in a winter hat and sunglasses; an unusual combination.

“Hey, hey, what’s your name?” he asked her, urgently.

“Angelica,” she answered, feeling slightly uneasy.

“What’s your name?” he asked Herc.

“Uh, I’m Herc.”

“You two are on a date! Because you’re in love! Angelica, film this.”

Doing what he said, she got out her phone, curious to see what he wanted her to film.

“Angelica, Angelica, Howard loves you!”

“Howard?”

“Howard! Your boyfriend!” He fell forward and pointed at Herc. “Yeah, yeah, Howard loves you and he told me to play this song for you!” The drunken man collapsed onto the piano stool and began to play, flawlessly. She recognized he was playing I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You. Next to her, Herc was trying to hold in his laughter.

“Shut up, Howard,” she whispered to him.

Halfway through the verse, the man turned his head to them. “Howard loves you very much!” he exclaimed. “And you’re on a date,” he added.

As soon as he was done, Angelica turned off her camera. Herc was laughing so much it sounded like he couldn’t breathe.

“Bye, Howard and Angelica!” the man shouted as they walked away.

“He got your name right but he couldn’t even get mine. It’s four letters,” he complained, regaining his breath. “It’s not fair.”

“He might have remembered if you said you were called Hercules. That’s hard to forget. Mind you.” She looked back over her shoulder. “He looks way too wasted for that.”

“I think he was a pretty cool dude. I hope he has a good day.”

“Even if he’s heteronormative.”

Herc peered round at her, no longer laughing. “Well, he was right. Because you said…this was a practice date.”

“Yes. We are.” That was the truth of it. There was no complicated answer, but she felt like what she had given was not good enough.

They stopped by a cake stand, where a woman in an apron was holding a tray of free samples, and Angelica took a piece of pastry. It had an almond taste to it, she thought, once it had crumbled in her mouth.

“Let me tell you, there’s nothing better than free samples. Best things in the world.”

They sat on some benches, surrounded by miniature trees in shiny vases, and as Herc flicked through the pictures he had taken, Angelica got out her own phone. Having nothing she actually needed to do, she checked Snapchat. Her most recent one was from Peggy. Angelica opened it.

“Oh no.”

“What is it?”

“Fucking Peggy! She’s stalking us.” She showed him the picture before it vanished, of her sister wearing sunglasses and a yellow baseball cap, outside a store they had passed earlier, with the caption ‘ _I have my eyes on you_.’ “Yes, it’s all over her story.” There was a picture taken from behind of Angelica and Herc walking side by side, with a heart drawn around them.

“Yo, save that one.”

“I will kill her. Where is she?” She looked over her shoulder but there was no sign of her. “No, you know what? I’m not letting her ruin this again. I’ll leave her to it. Actually, I have an idea. She’s doing it because she knows it annoys me, so let’s show it’s not annoying us. Do you mind if I…” She leaned on his shoulder, the top of her head resting against his neck, and took a selfie in this position which she sent to Peggy. “That will keep her satisfied for a while. So, I guess we should talk this over.”

“Yes,” he replied, instantly, turning to face her on the bench. “I get you don’t like this.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s that I have no idea how to do this. It’s not I don’t like you. Out of all the men I know, you’d be my top choice, always. It’s just that…you know I’ve never dated anyone and my feelings for people are complicated. I can see me dating you, but I didn’t even think about it before you asked me, and that’s what I’m worried about. It’s cheesy of me but I expected to find that one true love for myself and I’m worried that won’t be enough for you.”

“Whoa, Angelica, it’s chill. I’m not gonna force you to go out with me if you don’t want to but it’s not like with anyone else I dated I was in love with them straight away.”

“Oh yeah, you had that sports girlfriend last year, didn’t you? Noa? I forgot about that.”

“It’s been nearly two years since we became friends.”

“And you’re about to graduate. I never asked you what you’re planning on doing.”

“I told you. The wedding dresses idea.”

“Hercules, come on, be serious.”

“Fine, I’m going to work part time at a sports club to keep myself going until I can get a proper business and start hiring people. Might do an apprenticeship.” Him leaving would make the situation of them dating more difficult, if she did choose to go ahead with it.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“It was at a GSA meeting when you were a sophomore and you were already in charge of the group.”

“I saw you come in and you had this stupid grin and I thought you were just another dumb jock there to make fun of us and ask questions just to annoy people. Then you started asking good questions and then I found out you were there to support Lafayette and also because you doubted your own sexuality. Then I found out you were the same person advertising on campus for models. What about you? What did you think when you saw me the first time?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“I liked your color scheme.”

Angelica burst out laughing. “That is the most typically Hercules thing imaginable.”

“It’s true. You had on a denim skirt and a pale pink jacket that went well together and a really bold pink shirt; very brave and it worked. And of course, there were your glasses that matched it all.”

“Good long term memory. Let’s…we should do something like this again.”

“You sure? Like not pitying me?”

“Hercules, or should I say Howard, I don’t have any reason to pity you. You’re great at what you do and you love it and I wouldn’t do anything for someone out of pity. You know me. I’m doing this because of what you said because I know that I like you and I want to see what happens.”

“Awesome! Right, come on, Herc, be chill.”

“I also have an offer for you. Are you working on any clothing projects at the moment?”

“Only the wedding dresses. And I’m not making any right now. What do you need?”

“Eliza confessed to me earlier that she’s always wanted to wear a suit. She’s planning quite a classy surprise party for after the hearing and it might be an opportunity for her to wear one.”

“Nice. I haven’t made many suits for girls, but they’re fun to make. I’ll see what I can do.”

 

* * *

 

“There you go,” said the guard, a short yet muscular woman with a crew cut. She opened the storage locker for Aaron and Theo and once the roller door had fully lifted up, stuck her hand through the gap and onto the wall to find a light switch.

They were standing in the storage space that belonged to James Reynolds, in the dead of night. It had taken that long to find an officer at the police station to vouch for them, and to find the owner of the company to ask permission to search just one of their lockers. But they were running out of time and could not afford to wait until morning.

It did seem like another dead end lead upon first sight, because all that could be seen were the things you would expect a man staying in his brother’s house to keep in storage. There were boxes containing DIY chairs, and a similar box for a barbeque. That was the bulk of what he was keeping here; furniture he would use if he ever moved into a new home. There was some kind of sports gear and a few cardboard boxes. Aaron lifted the first thing from within, which was what looked like a family photo. He spotted Reynolds as a teenager in the middle and put it back with a sigh. There was nothing malicious here.

“Aaron, look at this.” Theo was on the other side of the room, crouched over something. Coming to stand behind his girlfriend, he saw that it was a metal box, with a heavy, silver lock that bound it all the way around. “This isn’t suspicious at all.”

“How do we open it?”

“We should have let Peggy come along. I hear she’s really good at picking locks.”

“I’ve got that covered for you,” the guard said. “It’s my job.” She took a small tool that looked like a hammer from the pouch on her belt and knocked directly over the keyhole. She hit the lock a few more times until the metal separated where it must have been locked together. They lifted the lid together; this time to more success than they had come across before.

Piled in one corner of the box was money. Aaron estimated it to be close to five hundred dollars’ worth, tied up with elastic bands. It was strange to keep money hidden away like this when he could have put it in a bank, but it didn’t relate to the case. The only other item in the box was a cheap flip phone and there was certainly something strange enough about this to investigate further. Being an old phone model, it took a long time to switch on but thankfully still had charge left. A long string of texts appeared on the screen once it had finally started up. The top ones were sent from someone listed as Eliza and had been sent that very day.

“Eliza’s been texting him?” Theo said with disbelief.

“Who’s Eliza?” the guard asked.

“A very good friend of Maria’s. This place belonged to her abusive ex-boyfriend and this phone must have, too.”

“But wait, it sounds like she’s talking to Maria. ‘If you’re still feeling bad, you can come and study in my dorm.’ Did she get the wrong number?”

“I know what’s happened here. Seen it a few times.” This was the guard talking again. “There’s something called cloning a phone, happens in big companies usually. You can intercept calls and texts and access other things on someone else’s phone by copying their sim card.”

“That means…Theo, he was tracking what Maria did.”

“That’s horrible.”

“But it’s also our evidence. It’s breaking the law and shows his behavior to her was abusive.” Aaron turned to the guard. “Thank you. You’ve been so much help, but we have to go.” It was time to get some justice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit of a filler chapter so apologies everyone but if I manage to catch up for next week, it's another exciting one. Please leave me feedback and a reminder that I'm now @ninasfireescape on tumblr and love hearing from you all. So until next week x


	32. Will They Tell My Story?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and happy pride month! This week is an important chapter so I'll just say that I hope you all enjoy x

When Maria was nine, a boy who regularly teased her would not leave her alone. He followed her around the playground, all of recess, calling her names and when she told him to go away, accusing her of being mean when he was just trying to be friendly to her. He wanted her to react and she did. She grabbed him and pulled his hair. It could not have been that hard and he did not seem to have been in pain, but at lunch, she was called up to the teacher. The boy stood at her side, a red line down the side of his face, which he claimed she had given him. Even as Maria insisted that she had only pulled his hair and that could not possibly have resulted in a scratch on his face, she was sent to the principal’s office. No one listened to her, not even her parents, when she said he had drawn it on himself and she was scolded. To this day, the story made no sense to her, because she knew she had not scratched him and she knew if she had enough to cause a line that red, his face should have started bleeding immediately. The following months, she had to endure all sorts of bullying from him, from name calling to rock throwing, but every time she told a member of staff, he would say that she was lying and they did nothing. How could they possibly have believed her story over his?

She brushed a fresh layer of her best lipstick shade across her lips and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Aaron had warned her of the accusations that would be made to her, of all the things that would be brought up to somehow justify James’ treatment of her, so she had to make herself look as different as possible from the type of girl they were imagining.

Over her best red dress, she wore a suit jacket, borrowed from Angelica, a heavy pearl necklace, also from Angelica, and one of her flower pins to clip back the chunk of her hair that usually fell over her eye. She hoped she looked smart and that she would be able to hide how much she was shaking when on the stand.

Outside in the hall, a cluster of people were gathered. They did not all need to be here, yet the entire friendship group had shown up, after all it was a public hearing. As she approached, Alex was telling an anecdote to the others.

“So, John’s dad actually showed up to our house and was all like ‘give me back my son’ and Martha said something really sassy about how he’s a human being so she can’t ‘give’ him to him, he has to come of his own will. Then they called John and asked him if he would rather stay with them during summer vacation or go back to South Carolina and that was the really scary bit but he said he didn’t want to go back to them ever again. His dad was really angry and started threatening to call his lawyer and to sue them.”

“He sounds like a soccer mom when her voucher at the store has expired,”

“And George told him he could do the same because they’ve been getting help from Eliza’s parents who do have a lawyer and they could take him to court over the bruise John had on his face and some of the things he’d said and he told him he didn’t treat John like he was his son. Then he got all scared and left.”

“Let’s hope that’s the last we see of him for a while,” sighed Eliza, then she whipped around to see Maria coming to join them. “Maria! Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Do you want to hear a joke, Maria?” John asked. “Might cheer you up.”

“Or make her feel a lot worse,” Angelica suggested.

Maria nodded to him. “Go on.”

“Okay. Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Spell.”

“Spell who?”

“W-H-O.” John clapped his hands together and began to laugh and soon after, Alex began to laugh loudly as well. Both Maria and Eliza gave feeble attempts at pretending they found it funny while Angelica just glared at all of them.

The doors to the courtroom were now opening and people going in. Knowing she should go, too, her friends lined up to give comforting hugs. The last was Eliza.

“You’ve got this, Maria. If you get nervous in the cross-examination or when you’re on the stand, just look for me in the crowd. I believe in you, okay?”

Just as she was heading through the doors, a group of men in suits passed her by at a fast pace. In their midst, mostly shielded from her view was another man, also in a suit, though through a gap she caught a glimpse of his face. It was him. Their eyes met and he glowered at her. She reciprocated the look, though she was already so afraid.

Looking away from him, she saw Burr beckoning to her from a bench on one side of the room and pushed through the people to get to his side.

“Remember, it’s all going to be fine,” he told her. “We rehearsed it all so you’ve just got to do it like we did then. You tell your side of the story and then we bring out the evidence and we’ve won.”

People were whispering like this all the way down the aisle but as the judge entered with his purposeful step, a deathly silence fell.

“This court is now in session,” he bellowed, his voice deep and toneless. Each side was given the opportunity to present an opening argument to the jury and this was the job of first Burr and then James’ lawyer. She heard some of what they were saying, but all she could put her attention to was the pain in the pit of her stomach. She imagined this was what food poisoning felt like.

“Would Maria Lewis please come to the stand?”

Maria rose to her feet, feeling eyes on her from all angles. She was determined to not be fazed by this and tried to keep her posture straight and her footsteps as light as possible. She knew James was watching her, with anger for her having landed him in this situation and a confidence that he could display that anger without any consequences.

She took the oath, keeping her eyes fixed on the one spot in the audience where her friends sat. Eliza was mouthing something to her and though she could not read lips, that sight was comforting enough.

“Please state your name for the record.”

“Maria Lewis.”

“Miss Lewis, what is your relationship to Mr. Reynolds?” James’ lawyer asked her.

“He was my boyfriend.”

“For how long?”

“From around October to um…March.” Then, she was made to tell the story, and she did in as much detail as she had practiced. Burr told her to stick to the original story and not make any changes they could penalize her for.

“Miss Lewis,” the lawyer came to stand close to her. “Your relationship with Mr. Reynolds was also a sexual relationship, is that correct?”

“Um, yes.”

“And this began early in the relationship?” he asked, though it sounded like a statement. All of this was from what James had been feeding him.

“Objection.  Immaterial,” Burr said calmly to the judge.

“Your honor, I am just trying to find a reason for Miss Lewis’ charges of assault.”

“Sustained.” Maria could not remember if this meant the question had been denied or allowed, but the lawyer asking her a new question gave her the answer.

“You claimed in a statement made for your lawyer that on the first incident of abuse, you had been drunk. Would it be correct to suggest that on the dates of your rape allegations, you were also under some form of intoxication? That these were more of your sexual encounters that you later came to regret or found as something you may be able to use against Mr. Reynolds?”

“No.”

“So you were not under the influence of alcohol on any of these instances?”

“I-I don’t remember.” She must have been at least partially, sometimes. Quite a few times, he had hurt her at the bar where she must have had a drink or two in advance, but having had drinks did not make her resistances any less valid. She could hear murmurs from the crowd and the jury.

“It is possible then that some of these occasions were consensual?”

“No, it’s not—” She could see Angelica nudging Eliza and whispering something angrily to her while Eliza tried to push her off.

He pulled out a binder and flipped through the pages. “Yes. You say in your original statement ‘he’d show me what people like that would do to me and then he-and-well, I didn’t want to and I was crying, but I didn’t resist him.’ You haven’t specified what that means and I’m sure that if you gave the impression that you did want to continue with the encounter to Mr. Reynolds, there can be no guilt on his part. It is true that when originally turning to the police, you mentioned nothing of this, referring to only physical abuse and were initially seeking only a restraining order?”

“Yes, but I—” When she did turn to the police, she had been afraid to talk about that part of her time with him, because it hurt to think about and because she knew she would be questioned in this fashion.

“So you claimed non-consensual after finding it there may be a stronger sentence?”

“I…no.” That had been what Burr had advised her to do after hearing the full story, but it did not make what she said any less truthful as he was suggesting. She realized that all her long pauses must make it look to the jury like she was lying.

“Now I have a report here made by a therapist, one Celia Brockhurst, whom you had a few meetings with from September to October 2010 after being discharged from the unit you were placed in to deal with the eating disorder you suffered from at the time. Doctor Brockhurst says that you mentioned you would hear a voice that would insult your appearance. In your own words ‘it’s like there’s a person living in my head.’” How had Maria not anticipated that they would bring this up? She could see shocked faces in the audience, the shocked faces of her friends whom she had never shared this part of her life with. She could barely remember it herself; having blacked it out, but Burr had warned her they would delve into her past.

“She also states that you were a very sensitive child,” he continued. “Who would become upset from interactions with other children, feeling sure they were being mean to you. So, it could be possible, could it not, that your claims about Mr. Reynolds may also be similar delusions or alternatively, minor arguments between the two of you that you have exaggerated.” Why was he doing this? How could this lawyer stand there, defending a known abuser and insisting he had never done anything wrong? She knew that this was really part of his job and he could not actually be a bad person in real life, but it still terrified her.

“No,” Maria said, firmly. “It happened. He did…rape me and if you don’t believe that then he still hurt me so often and said things to me until I was afraid to see my friends and that should still be bad.”

“Alright, but you never reported this to anyone? That is true, isn’t it?”

“No. I mean, yes, I didn’t. But listen, I was scared of him and he said it was because he loved me.” There were some more mutters in the crowd and she hung her head. This process of questioning went on and on. As if she thought it could not get any worse, she was made to read texts between her and James, showing that they did have a loving relationship and texts between herself and the girls who would request pictures from her, exposing the “business” she used to have. The lawyer concluded that discovering this business would have been a perfectly understandable cause of jealousy from James, as would any suggestions of cheating and made the suggestion that the only reason Maria eventually went to the police about him was because James exposing the texts may ruin her small lipstick business on the internet. It was absurd that his lawyer could suggest she was devious and this was some clever scheme to boost her tiny business and in the same breath, to denounce her as stupid and oversensitive. It was so contradictory but the way he phrased his argument and the way the members of the jury were nodding told that he was convincing them.

“No further questions,” he said, eventually, and Maria walked back to her seat as quickly as she could.

Alex was the next to be called to the stand to give his testimony. His story was far shorter, particularly because he spoke very fast. He explained what he had seen at Peggy’s comedy night and when he was done, James’ lawyer stepped up again for the same routine he had performed on Maria, though it did feel he was not as harsh.

“What is your relationship to Miss Lewis?” he asked.

“She’s my friend.”

“And you were only ever friends?”

“Yes,” he said quickly, though it did look as if he was lying. Maria realized he must have been thinking of their first meeting when he tried to kiss her.

“What were you doing the night that you saw this happen?”

“Another one of our friends, Peggy, I mean, Margarita Schuyler was doing standup comedy at that bar. And other people saw me there. We all went! Ask anyone.”

“Alright, Mr. Hamilton, and why did you seek out Miss Lewis?”

“She’d been gone a while so I was told to look for her.”

“He’s trying to suggest that you were cheating with him,” Angelica whispered to Maria from behind her.

“Thanks, Angelica. I couldn’t tell.” She knew the narrative they would place her in and she had known from the beginning.

“After seeing this, you didn’t tell anyone, is that correct?”

“Well, not until Maria had told the rest of us what happened. Our group of friends I mean.”

“You could have gone, though, but you chose not to.”

“I didn’t know if I should. Some people are really passionate and he had her pushed against the wall which some people do so it didn’t look that serious. And—” He realized what he had said and stopped as the lawyer closed in on him.

“You admit that it didn’t look like it was serious?”

“No!”

“Well, we can check the record.”

“Um…Objection!”

“Mr. Hamilton, you can’t object.” Alex’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Burr and everyone could tell just how much he wished he were in his position at that moment.

“Listen, that man over there is guilty!” He pointed at James. “He hurt Maria for months and you’re all stupid if you believe it was her fault! Your whole system is corrupt and if I were a lawyer now I would not stop until I could prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is guilty and get him locked up. You let this happen to people every day and you let abusers walk free and none of you have any morals!”

“Why did we let him be a witness?” Angelica whispered. “He was bound to fuck things up.” She paused. “He is right. This is what I’ve been saying for months.”

“No further questions.”

Burr was able to call up James’ witnesses now. The people he had brought in were his brother, swearing he was a good person and had never hurt anyone, a stranger who said she had seen Maria with countless other men while she was dating James and a fellow bar worker who said he had seen Maria arguing with James once. There was little evidence they could give in his favor. This sounded like a stroke of luck at the start of the trial, but this also meant there was little Burr could do to disprove what they were saying unlike with James’ lawyer. Still, he all that could be done with them.

He paced the room, his hands behind his back, patiently asking questions, simply to help their stories unravel. James’ brother admitted he had never actually met Maria and barely knew any of previous girlfriends. The woman who said Maria had been cheating on James insisted that she knew her when Maria had never seen her in her life, and could not give the dates she had seen this or name who it had been with which did seem like very poor organization on the defense’s behalf but did not mean her information was entirely irrelevant to the jury.

The bar worker was an interesting case. Maria knew him only be sight and she knew precisely the incident he was referring to.

It had been just days before she had run away from him properly, but she had said she would before. She had never thought it important until now. James was bringing her back to his apartment but first he had to pick up his paycheck. He told her to wait at a table and in that minute, she almost broke free and called Eliza. When James came back, he swiped her phone from the table and Maria knew what she had begun to do; she shouted and had said he couldn’t do this to her any longer. She had cried and maybe it had been for some attention but the date it happened on suggested she had left him over an argument she instigated and attempted to get him in trouble for. Burr could think of nothing here to clear this argument.

“Well, it looks like it’s time for the jury to make their decision,” said James’ lawyer.

“Wait!” Burr shouted, all eyes turning to him. “We have one new piece of evidence.” This had been Alex’s idea, wanting to be involved in the lawyer part of the case very much. He suggested showing the cloned phone at the very end would be dramatic and lead to a twist in events if the defense was led to believe they had won and may have no arguments remaining.

“Here we have a phone with a sim card copied from Miss Lewis’ own phone.” He turned to James and strode to him. “You have a storage space in Queens which you have owned since February, don’t you? And you failed to disclose this information with the police?”

“Yes,” he murmured, angrily. He looked round at Maria and glared at her but she just smiled. “I’ve never seen that phone in my life.”

“It was in the space which you have just confirmed was yours. You were also seen by a guard making a visit there on March twenty sixth which was the same day the police were alerted about Miss Lewis and were said to only be carrying a small box, fitting the description of the box the phone was found in. I have the witness statement here, your honor. We have checked and confirmed that it is the same sim card and has been used to check her texts and track her whereabouts and has been in use since late December. I have all details from this so seeing as that was three months before any action was taken, it is very unlikely Miss Lewis or any _associate_ of hers made this copy just to use against Mr. Reynolds.”

“There must be some kind of privacy law though!” James argued.

“It can be overruled by a search warrant.” Burr grew very cold. “Do you admit that you made this copy yourself and have been using it to stalk Miss Lewis because that would certainly break your privacy law?”

“No. I’ve never seen it.”

The jury left the room and members of the courtroom began to talk amongst themselves.

“It’s such a classic case of blaming the victim and it’s just so typical,” Angelica complained. “Saying she was drunk, digging into her mental health history. It’s the tools they always use yet they somehow always have the jury believing them. Unbelievable.”

Angelica, Eliza and Herc went to get everyone lunch and they had all only just finished eating when the jury returned. It had been less than two hours when Burr said it could take days.

“Has the jury reached a verdict?” the judge asked.

“Yes,” said one man in the middle of the group, stepping forward. “We find the defendant…”

The wait for the answer was excruciating. The tension in the room was almost tangible and it seemed as if every person sitting in that courtroom had raised their heads in eagerness. For Maria, this answer could mean the beginning or the end.

“Guilty.”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat. Her friends had all turned to look at her, beaming.

“Very well,” said the judge. “Then James Reynolds will receive a sentence of eighteen months and Maria Lewis will receive a restraining order and protection from him.”

 “Eighteen months? They couldn’t have given him a stronger sentence?” Angelica complained to Burr, but Maria didn’t listen. The air was clear and she felt as if she could breathe once more.

“He’s gone,” she declared. Maybe she could be free now.

“Yeah, come on, Angie. Give the man some credit,” Herc said, descending on Maria with one of his huge hugs that lifted her off her feet. “We won!”

“We won!” Laf echoed, getting to their feet in the smart suit they had on.

The chant continued with each person in the group joining until even Burr shouting, causing many stares.

“Maria, you...bitch!” Knowing there was nothing he could do to worm his way out of his sentence, James released all his anger and stood, spitting across the room at her. “How could you do this to me?!” Immediately, he was restrained, his arms held in place with handcuffs, and effort was made to drag him away from her.

Maria found herself smiling, a smile that felt so natural and relaxed that it was a new experience for her. Then, accompanied by James’ cries, she marched out of the courtroom with her friends behind her.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, everyone in position. They’re almost ready.” Angelica strode around the sitting room in her a pale pink jumpsuit and a pink fur coat over the top. Alex and John were hidden behind the door with Alex wearing the shiny green suit Herc made him for his first date with Eliza and John having put together the smartest outfit he could out of a crisp shirt and scruffy jeans.

Peggy ran past them, literally chugging down a yellow cocktail. Angelica grabbed her by the back of her ponytail, bringing her to a halt.

“What are you wearing? Eliza said formal wear.” Indeed, Peggy was wearing just a yellow crop top and sports shorts.

“You can talk about formal wear. You look like black Regina George.” Peggy wobbled slightly from side to side and Alex and John watched as Angelica snatched the glass from her hand, just as Herc came stumbling in, out of breath.

“Angie, your sister keeps taking the cocktails I’m making.”

Angelica shook her head. “How many has she had?”

“Three, already.”

“Right, no more for you, Peggy. You stay out of the kitchen. Alexander, John, stop laughing and get some more work done.”

“But you just told us to get in position.”

“Yes, well, I thought that I had someone arranging the balloons, but it seems like Peggy can’t be trusted. Get to work.”

John began to wrap red ribbons around the bannisters in the hallway. It all had to be red for Maria. Watching him, Alex tried to blow up a balloon and had it increase the smallest fraction in size before he ran out of breath and it deflated. There was a tank of helium which he could use and as he dragged it over, he had an idea. He had never tried this before but had seen it plenty of times and after having filled one balloon with the gas, he inhaled from the balloon.

“Hey, John,” he yelled, his voice coming out squeaky.

 John turned away from the bannisters and raised his eyebrows at him. “Did you just use some of the helium?”

Alex started laughing and his strange laughter was so entertaining that John started to laugh and joined him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Does my voice sound sexier lie this?”

“Why do you do this?”

“You try some.”

John inhaled too, and after speaking, cackled madly.

Alex’s voice had already returned to normal and he stole the balloon back.

“Can’t you blow up balloons?”

“I tried and it didn’t work.”

“That stuff can kill you, idiots,” said Angelica who had abruptly appeared in the doorway from the living room. “Look, you still haven’t blown up half the balloons and they’re not arranged properly and Eliza just texted me, and she and Maria will be down in any minute. You’re worse than Peggy. Come on. Get back in your hiding place.”

This time, they hid behind a plant at the side of the stairs. Mattie had switched off the lights and ran to hide in the closet where coats were kept with Peggy, Dolley and a group of other girls Alex had never seen in his life.

Footsteps resounded on the steps and Maria could be heard asking why all the lights were off very loudly. She must have known what was going on if Eliza had told her to change into party clothes with no explanation.

“Surprise!” Peggy shouted, and everything exploded. The lights flashed back on and balloons soared through the air and confetti showered down from all directions. Alex leapt up and saw Maria, pretty as ever in her red, layered party dress, a bunch of small white flowers in her wavy hair and a darker shade of lipstick than what she usually wore. Angelica was presenting her with a plastic tiara which she put on, delighted.

Then, he caught a glimpse of his girlfriend. He knew Eliza was to wear a suit to this party but had never seen it until now. And she looked good. She looked divine. It was a simple design of a dark blue jacket and pants with a thin, pale blue tie but he loved it on her and his jaw dropped. The top of her hair was French braided while the rest was down and the dark strands shone with blue glitter.

“It’s all over now and you’ve had to put up with so much,” Eliza was saying to Maria. “You deserve to be queen.”

“Eliza!” Alex raced up the stairs to her and tried to pick her up. “You look so beautiful tonight.”

“It’s Maria’s party.”

“Maria, you look very nice, too. Eliza, wow. You’re…” She had made him lost for words. “Maybe if Laurens had worn something smart I would be acting like this to him as well!” he yelled down the stairs at John.

“Can you imagine me in a suit?” asked John. “I know I said this earlier, but well done, Maria.”

“I would say we couldn’t have done it without you but considering Alexander’s performance in court today, I expect we could have,” said Angelica. “I’m joking. I’m not always so mean. Now Maria, all the girls pooled together some money for you. Gifts and a box of those rich chocolates you like and the rest of the money you can keep.”

“You’re all too kind, Angelica. I’ll use it to pay Burr.”

“I told you, I’m paying for him.”

“Alright, guys, it’s time to party!” screamed Peggy. “Who wants to have some cocktails?”

“Let me just lay out some ground rules which I have already told Peggy a thousand times. Number one, no stripping.”

“At Peggy,” Eliza whispered.

“No throwing up. I’m looking at you, Alexander and Eliza.”

“Me? I only ever threw up from drinking once. And it’s cocktails.”

“Yes, Eliza, but we all know what a lightweight you are. You got drunk from a glass of prosecco. Everyone have fun.”

Alex dominated the couch before any other party guests could sit down and John sat down beside him while Eliza went off to get them drinks and to show Maria around. It was only a few minutes into the party but Peggy had already instigated a game of soccer using the balloons.

“What a day, huh?” commented Alex, but John was gazing off into the distance. “Laurens, are you okay?”

“I was just thinking about that night.”

“What night?”

“The last time we were all here like this. Remember? It was that party at the start of the semester and we were sitting on this couch.”

“Oh yeah, I remember, the night you _rejected_ me. I can make jokes about it now but it was hurtful then. I’m not blaming you, Laurens, now I know everything.”

“That night defined everything for us. Like imagine how different things could have been if I had kissed you back. Would we still be together now? Would we have Eliza with us?”

“Angelica might not have ever set me up with her.”

“I can’t imagine doing this without her.”

“And Maria. I mean, I was the main reason this friendship group formed, so if I never met her because I was with you that night instead of her, she might not have had someone to turn to with that dickhead ex of hers.”

“We sound like we’re in an episode of Doctor Who, talking about rewriting time. I guess we needed that extra bit of time as friends for everything to work out in the end. You’re the first person I’ve loved, Alex, in that way,” John confessed to him. “That’s special to me.”

“And I’ve loved lots of people but you and Eliza are the most meaningful of them all.”

“If it carries on like this, maybe someday, we’ll tell our children the story of that night. Nah, I’m joking. I have commitment issues and now feel really awkward for saying that.” He turned away, blushing.

“I know we were joking about what happened with your parents the other day, but are you actually alright?”

“Uh, I guess so,” John said. “I panicked so much when I got the call asking if I wanted to go back with them because I knew they were expecting me to say yes. A few months ago, I would have, even if I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that was brave! You should be proud.”

“I gotta say, I’m a little worried about tonight. Being around so many drunk people. I know I’m going to drink, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself. At this point, it takes a lot to have any effect on me. That nurse I saw is going to tell me I’m an alcoholic, I can tell.” The staff from the unit John had been in for the few days after leaving the hospital had assigned him a nurse for now, someone to monitor his wellbeing and to talk to him every two weeks.

“What did you say to her?”

“Only something in the last five minutes. We spent most of the time talking about my dad. I didn’t tell her about you. She’ll have a field day when she finds out I’m gay.”

“I wouldn’t know. When I spoke to a therapist I never talked about being bi.”

“Hey, guess who’s back.” Eliza appeared from behind them, three different drinks clutched to her chest. “Herc made these specially for us.” The one John received was a dark gold, close to brown and the one Eliza took for herself was mostly clear with a layer of pink at the bottom. Alex’s own was light green and tasted rather sour but was enjoyable enough.

“Where’s Maria?”

“Dancing with Aaron.  You know, he did a really good job in court.”

“I guess he’s not such a bad guy.”

Eliza and John’s heads snapped round in Alex’s direction, unable to believe what he had just admitted. Alex could not quite believe what he had said either.

“No wait, I didn’t mean that!”

“Damn, soon he’s going to be saying he likes Jefferson.”

“Never! I would never say anything like that! He will never be anything less than pure evil!”

“He’s here tonight. I think I saw him,” John whispered.

“Why? Why would he come here?”

“Alex, I have a challenge for you,” said Eliza. “It’s a little confidence at parties thing I was thinking of. Let’s have a competition to see who can kiss the most people here.”

“Kiss in what way? Can it be on the cheek?”

“No, it has to be on the lips but doesn’t have to be a full make out.”

“Okay.” Alex grabbed John and quickly kissed him. “Ha! I’m winning!”

“John?” Eliza asked.

“Sure, after I’ve had a few drinks. I’m pretty sure at this point you’ve kissed every part of my face except my lips.”

“Alright, Alex, you might be winning at this point, but the game has only just begun. Let’s go see how many people I can score in this suit. I’ll go and find Maria and also warn Angelica and Peggy about you.”

The two ran off in opposite directions and saw many people he could have approached for the challenge, but now had a sense of Eliza’s shyness when it came to talking to people he had never seen before. Upon coming within a few feet of Angelica, she did not even have to turn around and see him to say “No.” He managed to get a kiss from both Herc and Dolley.

“If Eliza asks to kiss him, he’s going to faint,” Angelica said, about Herc.

“Angie, I told you, I’m not into your sister. I’m dating you.”

“Yeah, the only person right now who has a crush on Eliza is me,” said Alex.

“It’s not a crush. You have been dating her for seven months. Oh look, here’s Maria. Maria, do you want to kiss Alexander? He and Eliza have made some stupid bet about it.”

“Sorry, Alex. I’m not really in the mood now.”

“Well, Peggy’s probably drunk enough to kiss a boy at this stage. Hercules, how many of your cocktails has she had now?”

“I don’t know. I saw her take another two. She really loves those ones with pineapple juice in. That girl is sneaky.”

“Look, there she is.” Peggy and Mattie were bouncing a balloon between them and Alex made his way in their direction, someone taller than him cut across his path.

“Get out the way, Jefferson.”

“Petit lion, it’s me.”

“Dammit, Laf, why did you take your hair down again?”

“John asked me to,” they chuckled.

“I’m gonna kill him. Hang on a second.”

For the next few minutes, Alex went seeking out all the people he could find and counting them as he went. Peggy said yes, despite having already been warned by Eliza as she had promised she would and when he passed Laf on his way back, that was another to his list. They had tied their hair up again and put their glasses back on so it was slightly less strange.

When Alex reached the allocated space for a dance floor in the house, he spotted Eliza who was dancing with Maria and Burr. Upon seeing him, Eliza whispered something to Maria and kissed her before smirking back at him.

“How many?” she called loudly, when he was within a few feet of her.

“Seven,” he estimated.

“Ha, I’m at eight and I haven’t even got to John yet.” She was slurring her words quite a bit and as he put his hands on her waist to dance with her, she began to toss her head with her eyes closed.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Only the one cocktail!”

“Can you tell which song is playing? I can’t hear and when I start to get drunk the first thing to go is my hearing.”

Her face became strained as she tried to listen but then shook her head. “I’m basically the DJ tonight. All the music is remixes I made or songs from my library.”

Even not being able to hear the song playing, he could tell it was a slower one than any before and they began to sway from side to side. Their foreheads touched and with her eyes shut again, she smiled. She shone in the fairy lights that she herself had donated from her collection to the party and that the tallest of their friends had been hanging up earlier. This shiny effect was likely to do with the amount of glitter she had on her face, more than usual; on her eyelids, her cheeks, her lips, in her hair and sprayed across her nose so it seemed like she had freckles.

“You’ve changed my life,” he whispered to her, wanting to share the realization he and John had earlier with her. He brought her face even closer by the chin and kissed her, feeling her return it, playfully and lightly biting his bottom lip. He held her tight and could have held her forever but when he did draw away, he began to taunt her instead. “Ha, now we’re tying! We’ve both kissed eight people!”

“No, Alex, you just gave me an extra point! Now I’ve kissed you as well! Come on, I brought some new polaroid film. We’ll find John and we can go take some polaroids with the balloons!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have far too many searches in my history about court cases and I'm sure I got a lot of it wrong but I found writing the first part of this chapter really exciting. Please leave me feedback of come talk to me on tumblr @ninasfireescape. I'm also taking requests for pride month icons over there but honestly you can send me anything: musical headcanons, ideas for oneshots I could work on after this (I was thinking of doing something for in the heights next). The next chapter is paintballing so until next week x


	33. I Am Not Throwing Away My Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to the most ridiculous chapter which also happens to be the one most inspired by the musical so excuse me for lots of lyrics slipped in. Enjoy x

The doors opened and the group began to jump off the bus, one by one. The trees loomed over their heads with the warm sunlight shining through the leaves. As far as they knew, they could have been miles from civilization, with not a sound but the singing of the birds. Angelica emerged from the crowd of students with a clipboard and tried to find her friends among them.

“Right, there are twelve of us. Who have we got here?” She started to do a headcount. “One…two…Lafayette.”

“Apparently, Laf is now a number,” said Eliza.

“Do none of you know what non binary means?” Laf asked. “It means not number one or zero. In this case I identify as the number three.”

“I didn’t know you know computer code,” said Peggy. “Angelica, I sat behind Eliza and Hamilton that whole bus ride and they were arguing the whole way about that dumb kissing game. Can I sit somewhere else?”

“What would they need to argue about? Eliza won,” Angelica said.

“Told you, didn’t I?” said Eliza, poking Alex.

“Only because Maria kissed you and wouldn’t kiss me,” he retaliated, sulking.

“Come on, Maria was not the decider. You kissed Peggy and I most certainly did not.”

“Eliza won because of the suit,” said Mattie. “If Peggy doesn’t mind me saying, that was hot.”

“Because girls in suits are hot,” Maria finished for her.

“Can we stop with this now? Before we get into our gear,” Angelica raised her voice so she could be heard over their separate conversations, “we need to appoint a team captain.”

“Angelica,” everyone said unanimously.

“Good. Now we’ve cleared that up, everyone can get dressed up.” The paintballing gear was piled in baskets next to the gate with was painted green and brown and with ivy tied around the columns to become camouflaged with its surroundings.

“Hey, isn’t that Charles Lee over there?” Eliza asked, pointing in the direction of one of the other students who had come along for the journey and was part of another team.

Angelica checked the list on her clipboard. She had a register of all those who had signed up and what teams they were on and she and her friends were on the pink team for she had chosen their team color. However, Charles Lee was indeed listed under those on the green team.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Why did you let him come, Angelica?” Alex demanded, angrily.

“That dude’s got a lot of nerve showing up after what he did to my man, Alex.”

“Hercules, please. He probably didn’t even know Alexander was going to be here. And he didn’t even know him. He just had a problem with Professor Washington. It was all months ago and it was terrible planning anyway.”

“He better watch out or I’ll…I’ll shoot him so many times that he surrenders.”

Angelica licked her lips. “If you did want to take some revenge, Alexander, I’m sure we could arrange that today.”

“What do you mean?”

A plan was orientating itself in her head, but first they had to finish getting ready. After having put on all their gear other than helmets, the paintballing instructors gave each team a role of colored duct tape and would told to wrap it around their arms to signify which team they were a part of to others. They were given plastic guns with a hundred pellets each, though they could buy more if they ran out.

Finally, they were sitting on the benches with twenty minutes until the first game was to begin, and Angelica began to assign everyone roles.

“Eliza, you can be a sniper. I’ve seen how vicious you could be with that catapult you made back at home when we were younger. For the frontline, I’ll need…Maria, John and Hercules.”

“I already know what I’m doing,” Herc contradicted her. He pulled a roll of green duct tape from the pouch on the front of his chest protection. “I’m gonna be the spy on the inside.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Pretend to be on the other team and take them down one by one. They can’t tell who we are from our faces because we’re wearing masks, so all they can go on is our team colors.” He started to cover the pink band with the green duct tape.

“Please, as if anyone on their team is your size. Fine. Burr can come with us instead. Lafayette, Mattie and Dolley, you need to be on defense. You can join Eliza sniping if you want but I’d prefer to have some people stopping the other team getting into our base. Theo, I need you to be my second in command and deploy them if we run out of attackers.”

“What am I doing then?” Peggy moaned.

“I was going to get to you. I have a very special job for you; I need you to help Alexander take out Lee. You’re sneaky and he’s, well, not sneaky, so make sure he doesn’t make too much of a mess of things.”

The next stage was to have the rules of the game explained by an instructor. They would be playing one large game of Capture the Flag against the green team. Each team was to have a flag of their own which would be kept in their base and could only be moved from its original hiding place by a member of the other team who had to take it back to their own base. If you got shot even once you were out and the game would continue until either everyone on one team was out or until there was a definitive winner.

They were led to their individual bases, through a maze of miniature Egyptian pyramids, Aztec shrines and Ancient Greek temple ruins. Angelica could have said so much about how all these cultures were thriving at completely different periods of history and in different continents so should not be blended together here, but a lot of detail had been put into them and it made the course all the more exciting.

Their base was a wooden hut, two floors high, and to prepare, Eliza got up on the roof. The flag was on the ground floor and the defenders arranged themselves to guard it. Angelica crouched behind a wall in front of the building with Maria at her side. Far in the distance, a whistle sounded and the attackers darted out of their hiding places. The game had begun.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, now we get round this corner, but slowly,” Alex whispered to Peggy. “There’s no one around but if we run, there’s more of a chance we’ll be seen than heard.”

“You’re talking loudly,” she said in an even quieter voice. “Angelica put me in charge.”

“But I’m a good leader. I’m good with strategy. When I was younger, I thought that the only way I’d be able to do anything would be to join the army so I had to think about that sort of thing a lot.”

“Yeah, did I ask? We don’t have time for your tragic backstory, Hamilton.”

Alex wanted to argue that if you were going to make fun of someone for claiming to have a tragic backstory, he was the last person for that, but he had never talked to her much about his past before and that was one thing he could not talk for hours about.

“Where do you think Lee is?” she asked him.

“Well, he’s their team captain, but I bet he’s not even being  a good captain like Angelica and is just hiding around their base.”

"What did he even do?"

"I'm not entirely sure. But he was selling drugs and George found out."

"He was selling drugs? Who cares? You seen how expensive college is?"

"I know but listen he was head of his fraternity so George complained and the school made him step down so he and his friends caused the blackout to steal my adoption papers. Remember? The blackout where you almost got stabbed?"

"I remember that part. Just wanna know what you did to him to get him so angry in the first place. Someone’s coming.” Peggy moved her hand up her gun so that her finger was touching the trigger and leaned to the edge of the pyramid.

“No, Peggy,” Alex whispered, urgently. “We can’t let a stray gunshot give us away.”

“This isn’t a stray gunshot. I know what I’m doing.”

“No, we have to keep going. We’re almost there.”

Slowly padding round the corner, Peggy looked in both directions then gave a nod to show that they could continue. There was a stack of crates at the side of the pyramid with toy scorpions dropped on the ground beside it, and a gap between some of them that formed a tunnel. Both made their way through, at first trying to hunch over but still remain standing but eventually having to resort to crawling through the dry mud.

“There!” Getting excited, Peggy may have spoken too loudly for about twenty paces away was a figure with a green band of duct tape on their right arm. It did not matter because their opponent did not see them and taking a few more steps, Alex fired his gun a few times until they were caught in the leg and they held up their hands, walking off the course and trying to avoid the shower of bullets coming from their own team.

It was not long before they found another member of the green team.

“I think that’s Lee. Does he have kind of greasy black hair, like yours, but shorter, all over one side of his face?”

Alex defensively reached up to where his hair would have been had he not been wearing a helmet. “That’s him. And it’s not greasy!”

“It looks greasy.”

“Right, this is my chance. Vengeance!” Alex stood to his full height and raised his gun in the air in what he took to be a glorious pose. However, just as he was about to charge onward, he was struck by something right between his ribs and cried out in pain. Red was splattered across his stomach and he panicked, worrying he was bleeding, before realizing it was too thick to be blood and was simply red paint. Searching around for his attacker, he spotted someone coming toward him with a pink band on their arm. Peggy had vanished, now abandoning as he was no longer able to shoot his target and she no longer had a mission.

He could see the person’s face through their visor and his grip on his own gun tightened. “Burr, you shot me!”

“Sorry, I thought you were on the other team!”

Without thinking, Alex shot him and his bullet exploded yellow on his shoulder.

“What was that for?”

“If I’m going down, so are you.”

“But you’re already out. You can’t do that. And we’re on the same team!”

“Too bad. You heard the rules. If you’re shot, you’re out.”

From standing out in the open for so long, Burr was hit again, this time in the back and conceded with a defeated sigh. Both of them put their hands up. He had thrown away his shot at revenge. The rest of the team had better not disappoint him.

 

* * *

 

She stared down the barrel of her gun. From up on the roof of their base, Eliza could not see the whole course but could almost see to the other team’s base. Someone was running towards them now, taking it a few steps at a time, before dodging behind an obstacle as she fired at them. They were not far from the base and moving ever closer when she managed to hit them and they walked off.

“They’re getting closer,” Theo called to her from below.

“Two of ours went out. It’s probably Alex and Peggy; they were together. Maria just got hit as well.” Eliza had known it was Maria as she had been close enough to identify from her height which was considerably less than that of any of the other attackers. “We’re going to need to send out some others to help Angelica and John. They’re all alone.”

“How many are out from their team?”

“I just got another. That’s two we’ve got out but I saw another leave so that must have been an attacker who shot them.” That was not so bad as the pink team had only lost one more, Mattie having gone out at the start and being hit by a stray bullet which might have accidentally come from her own team but none of them could be sure.

“It’s because I’m a lesbian,” she had said, before leaving the course as well.

What was a problem was that the green team had more players.

“Can you see any of the others?” Theo asked Eliza.

Eliza squinted, looking around the course and eventually spotting two figures in the Atlantis section, amidst shipwrecks and treasure chests. They were a distance apart and had not seen each other yet, despite being in each other’s vicinity. The pink band was just visible on each of their arms.

“Yeah, I can see two of them. I don’t know where the other two are. They’re almost at the other side.” One of the two took a chance, coming out of hiding to try and get further towards the other team’s base but was immediately driven back by a very precise stream of bullets from all directions. “They’re stuck.”

“We really need to send someone to help them.”

Taking a quick break from sniping, Eliza jogged down the rickety steps in the cabin to find the rest of her team surrounding the flag. There were four of them now; Theo, Laf, Dolley and Eliza.

“We need a new strategy,” Theo.

“It’s harder when we don’t have Angelica here to tell us what to do.”

“Yeah, well, she’s doing a good job on the frontline. I can’t believe I said ‘frontline’. We’re treating this like we’re actually in the army.” Theo was stressed out, Eliza could tell. Her helmet did not hide the worries she was facing from having to take so much responsibility, now.

“I mean, it’s just a game. It doesn’t matter so much,” Eliza offered.

“You were quite competitive over that kissing game the other night.”

“That was because I won and Alex was being a bad loser. But, I know it’s cheesy, what if it really is the taking part that counts? I know the other team captain isn’t a good guy but we’ve fought much tougher and more important battles.”

“Eliza, can you not accept defeat so early on, please?” Theo asked her. “Do you have any ideas for new strategies?”

“Well, they need to make their way to the other base and we need to get them there. That means we have to have the other team not shooting for the longest time period possible. Out there in the open, there’s no chance they can avoid them firing. I guess we could wait for them to use up all their bullets?” She stopped. “Or we cause a distraction for long enough to get them to the other side, taking as many of them out as we can.”

“What are you thinking of?”

“It’s an idea from having read the Sorcerer's Stone way too many times. The chess scene teaches you have to make sacrifices to win.”

“It is alright, I understand,” said Laf, standing in one corner with their gun slung across their shoulder. “I will be your secret weapon.”

 

* * *

 

Someone came to stand back to back with John, behind the treasure chest where he must have spent the last five minutes shooting aimlessly. Figuring he would have to just wait until they ran out of stamina, he had taken to picking up unexploded pellets from the mud and putting the firmer ones into his gun while squashing those that were slightly softer and close to bursting.

“How you doing?” his teammate asked and her voice and the curls peeking out from underneath her helmet were a giveaway to tell him that this was Angelica.

“Surviving. It’s lots of fun. The other team must be Stormtroopers. They haven’t hit me at all.”

“Huh? Oh, some Star Wars joke. Well, the others clearly didn’t get the memo that they’re Stormtroopers. I just saw Peggy go out which means besides Herc, wherever he is, we’re the only ones left. Plus, the only reason they haven’t hit you is because you’re hiding behind here.”

“They have us surrounded. Can’t go and get the flag until they go somewhere else. Wait, is Alex out?”

“Must be. Two people about the same height went off together. My guess is him and Burr.”

“Damn, he can’t be happy. He really wanted to shoot Lee.”

“Yes, and because of him, we have more people stopping us winning.”

“Well, it can’t have been his fault. Peggy was meant to be helping him but it seems like she ditched him and now she’s out as well. Well, I guess we’re all _out_.” He laughed at his joke and made finger gun gestures at Angelica until she understood.

“Was that a coming out joke?”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, whatever. Wait, looks like Theo sent out some back up.” She nodded with her head to one of the shipwreck obstacles. A very tall member of the pink team was standing on the hull of the ship with their gun pointed in front of them. Running and then jumping, they fired paint pellets everywhere they could, knocking at least two members of the green team out before running off to hide. They were engaging them before escaping and this had enraged the other team enough to allow them to put all attention onto one person. This gave John and Angelica the window they needed to reach the other side.

“Go, go, go!” commanded Angelica and they both sprinted, ducking low. Their distraction, whom John had realized by now was Laf from their French taunts at the other team, had finally been hit and collapsed into a ball on the ground as they were splattered with paint a few more times for good measure. In the time it took to catch them, they had managed to take out four or five green team players with them.

Angelica shot another player, a blue streak appearing over their eyes on their visor.  She and John made it to another obstacle – a totem pole right outside the other team’s base – and leaning around the side, came face to face with two of their opponents, guarding the green flag. Angelica readied herself to fire at them as they had not anticipated such an abrupt attack and had been sitting down, but there was no need for a much larger player than either of them with a green team armband shot them both from behind. Reluctantly, both of them exited the cabin, their hands in the air. John was just wondering why someone would so deliberately ruin the chances of their own team when Angelica answered the question by addressing the player.

“Hercules?”

“How did you know it was me?” John heard his friend’s big voice say in return.

“I told you; no one else is your size.  Also you just shot out two green team players. What are you doing?”

“I’m guarding the flag.”

“I can see that. Why don’t you just run back with it?”

“Gotta wait until they’re all out, don’t I? I’ve been counting and they’re down nine players but they still have five. You gotta get out some others so they don’t stop me on my way back. If you get them,  I can run back while you’re distracting them.”

“Well, we have no idea where they are.”

“Oh, that’s easy. The two tall girls are behind the volcano, someone else is sniping from the lighthouse tower and Lee is behind the Great Wall of China. Guessing Ham didn’t get him.”

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna avenge him.”

“Defending your boyfriend’s honor?” Angelica questioned him. “Cute.”

Following Herc’s directions, they embarked on their journey to win the game. It turned out there had been a player lurking back in the Atlantis area, whom they immediately caught out. Angelica wanted to go after the girls behind the tiny volcano which was suspended in time to look as if it were on the verge of explosion, but that was too far out of their path.

Another shot was fired, and a minute later, they could see another pink team member who had clearly come out to help them exit the course.

John caught sight of the person on the top of the lighthouse, moving around the balcony so that they were saying them. “Angelica, watch out!” he shouted, dodging behind a crumbling staircase, but she was too slow. The pellet just grazed her but it was enough to cause a spot of yellow paint on her hip.

“Fuck!” she shouted, looking down at herself. She shook her head and began to walk away. “You’d better win this for us, John.”

Her wish of him rang in his head for a few seconds. He was in charge of their victory now. It felt awesome. He was brought back to reality by another shot from the heights of the lighthouse. There was no way he could get the shooter from up there out, so he just had to find Lee and hope that was enough for Herc.

Now he came to the smaller Great Wall of China and walked round to the back. There was a green team player who must have been Lee, peering through a gap, but he sensed John’s presence and spun around. Despite being a smaller version of the wall, there was still a vast space between one end and the other. Both fired at the same time, but it was John who was successful. By some stroke of luck, Lee completely missed while he was hit in the side. He clutched at the spot where a mark had been left in red. It was doubtless that there would be a bruise there, as would there be for anyone who had been shot at, and he had heard it hurt a lot. John was satisfied with this result, having gotten some form of the revenge Alex wanted from this man.

The game was not over yet. As Lee left the course, John got in position to ensure Herc could return to their base successfully. He emerged from out behind a barrier, running while holding the flag and his gun and peeling away the green duct tape to show his true colors. The three remaining players on the green team fired at him but John ran out in front of him. Either John would act as a shield or if Herc was hit, John would take over from him.

When they were just feet away from their base with Theo coming out to greet them, a pellet whacked John in the chest and it really did hurt a lot. It was nothing to worry about for Theo and Herc had brought the flag back to place beside their own flag and the game was done.

Then they were celebrating and Eliza came down from the roof where she had been shooting to celebrate with them and all their team members who had left the game came back to celebrate with them as well.

“Laurens!” Alex ran up to him, slapping him on the shoulder. “You got Lee! He was so angry, you should have seen it. It was hilarious. Peggy shot him again even though we were in the safe zone and she got in so much trouble with the instructors.”

“It was worth it,” said Peggy.

“How come you went out?” John asked.

“Well,” Alex began to explain, his face flustered. “I was really close to getting him and then _Burr_ came up behind me and shot me because he thought I was on the other team!”

“Oh, come on, Burr.”

“It was an accident. I already apologized to you, Alexander. I’ve never been paintballing before.”

“Neither have I and I still didn’t accidentally shoot anyone!”

“Alex, be nice,” Eliza prompted him.

“You did well, Eliza, staying in the whole time and keeping the other team at bay.”

“What can I say? I had a lot of practice at home.”

“Also, Laf, that was amazing,” John congratulated them.

“Well, what’s most important is how much money we made doing this. Two hundred fifty dollars for LGBT charities,” Angelica announced, proudly. “Now, I’m exhausted and hungry. How about I treat you all to pizzas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So only two chapters left! Thank you all for reading. As I post this I am in the process of watching last night's Tonys and I'll say that so far I am not impressed with the results. Remember that you can leave a comment or come and talk to me on tumblr @ninasfireescape and I love hearing from everyone. Until next week x


	34. Teach Them How To Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone. Penultimate chapter and I'm quite emotional so I hope you all enjoy as well x

These streets had always caused James panic and things were no better today. It seemed as if the main road that stretched between the theaters on either side were more packed with taxis, clumped together like a bright yellow swarm of bees, and there was some sort of photoshoot going on outside one of the theaters. Too many people were watching for James to be able to see if it were a celebrity but he doubted if he had been able to see he would have stuck around for long.

People jostled him on either side and he kept his eyes firmly glued to the maps app on his phone. He took a left and found himself on the small backstreet where doubtlessly many other minor musical stars must live. The buildings were nice and modern with glass balconies and James caught sight of the apartment he had helped Dolley to pick out. She lived there, full time as of two days ago, since she had completed all her exams for this year. She had talked of her plan and how she still wanted to finish her college education. Maybe she could keep up to some extent by studying in rehearsals and backstage or maybe she would wait a few years to return.

Climbing the porch steps, he could hear his friend’s loud voice inside. Was she singing to herself or practicing lines? It did not seem like it was either. No, she was having a conversation with someone and his finger hovered over the doorbell just to listen.

“—and they act like I’m just an extra member of the friendship group and always forget to include me in anything. I only really got to be part of the group because I was friends with Peggy and Mattie and of course I used to date Eliza, but when Peggy and Mattie started dating, I just became a third wheel. Like the other day, I asked if I could come and hang out in their dorm and they said they were going out to get snacks and I asked if I could hang out once they’d bought the snacks but they said they were going to have sex so I couldn’t be there. I thought maybe they might pay some attention to me if I tried to get them interested in the musical I’m in by saying I couldn’t tell them anything about it so they’d carry on asking, but they all gave up asking after a while. I told them I had a contract that stopped me talking about it but saying that’s pointless, isn’t it? The musical’s called—”

It was moments before that James had decided to finally ring the doorbell as eavesdropping on her and whoever she was talking to and he immensely regretted that decision as somehow the ringing sound came at that exact moment, blocking out the answer to the big question.

He could hear her running to the door, saw her shadow through the smoky glass and she appeared before him, bouncing excitedly, wearing a dark blue dressing gown and a matching towel concealing all her dark hair.

“James!” she cried, pulling her into her arms. “Come in. We’re having macaroons.”

Being led through to the sitting room where Dolley had already neatly aligned all the playbills she had collected over the years on the paint-spotted walls, James could now see Dolley’s other visitor on the couch. His face was hidden by his masses of hair but the hair was enough of a clue to his identity, as was the velvet, magenta waistcoat he had on.

“Thomas showed up about twenty minutes ago. It was such a surprise!” Dolley exclaimed as James’ roommate turned to face him and flashed him a grin. “And he bought a huge box of macaroons.”

“No, these are macarons,” Thomas corrected her.

“Oh. Is there any difference?”

“A lot of difference, but it doesn’t matter.”

James sat as far away on the couch from Thomas as he could and tried not to meet his eyes. “Uh, Dolley, there was something going on down the street. What was it?”

“Something for the Tony Awards this year. It’s next week and all the big stars are here. I have a friend who says she might even be able to get some of us in which will be amazing because some of my favorite shows are going to be there. It’s a shame you’re both going back to Virginia before then or I’d get you in, too.” A song began to play, that vaguely terrifying song Dolley liked about women murdering their husbands and she took her phone from one of the dressing gown pockets. “Sorry, I gotta take this. Make yourselves comfy.”

They sat in silence. Then, James felt the sofa cushions shift and from the corner of his eye, saw Thomas edging closer.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, trying to stir up a friendly conversation. James would not oblige.

“Did you know I was going to be here?”

“No!” He stopped, unable to lie. “Yeah. Saw Burr earlier. He said you’d be here so I thought I might surprise Dolley.”

“I haven’t talked to him so much, recently. The reason he knew was because he asked if we could do something together but I said I was busy.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s good and hanging with Hamilton and his boyfriend and the Schuylers and he managed to score Theo Bartow.”

“You didn’t have to come here to talk to me. We still share a dorm.”

 “It ain’t like I haven’t tried. You just leave when I try.”

“So you trapped me here?”

“Mads, come on. Just wanna be your friend again. Fix things. I’ve graduated now and we might never see each other again and I couldn’t live with that.”

“Couldn’t you?”

“Nah, I couldn’t. So I gotta come clean if you’re gonna listen to me. What can I say? I did know.”

“You knew what?” James asked, coldly.

“About how you felt towards me. Tried to pretend like I didn’t but it was flattering. You know? You have an attractive good friend who’s got a crush on you. It was all kinda subconscious what I was doing, but I needed you. Needed you to be my friend and make me feel good about myself.”

“You realize that’s not a good thing?”

Thomas stared at him in wonder. “You’ve changed, Mads. In a good way. Never would have heard you stand up for yourself like that. I just need you to hear me out. I know it’s not good but let’s call it a resolution. I hate it when people I like string me along, like Angelica.” It was funny he still thought she had been leading him on when she had made her intentions very well-known. “I’ll stop pursuing people who don’t want me. Maybe I’ll be the gentleman and wait for them to ask first. But from now on, only the truth.”

“Alright,” James said, staring at the marks burned into the floorboards. He could see all kinds of fascinating images, stars, smiling faces, animals that would have just been marks for anyone else. “Then I need to know about that time you kissed me when you were holding that ball at Christmas. You said something about how I was special and went off with a girl minutes later. What was that about?”

“Can’t say because I don’t remember exactly what I was thinking then. My best guess is I wanted you to stay, if I thought what we had might end with you thinking I had feelings for whoever she was.”

“Her name’s Jade.”

“Right, how could I forget?” he said, sarcastically. “I had to make you believe there was still hope and there could have been. Mads, you know you’re better than any of them, any of the hookups or people who turned me down. You stuck by me and left when things got bad. I enjoyed what we had. The sex and all.”

“It must have been fun, pretending I was someone else.”

“Not always.” He smiled, weakly. James did not know exactly what he meant but could it be a suggestion that at times he had felt the same way and never admitted it? It was no matter because it would not work out, at least not now.

“Plus, I heard you were banging Jay. Must be a hell of a lot of fun for you.”

“We’re not. We had a short thing but it didn’t work out. I think I just needed to discover myself. And I did. I found out, I’m good on my own. Have you… _had_ anyone?”

“Since you? Afraid not. All my luck’s gone downhill without my wingman.”

“It was never me doing anything.”

“What do you think? Can we be friends again? Do you forgive me?”

“Alright. I forgive you. But if you try any of that again, I’m gone.”

“That’s fair.” They looked at each other for a while before either could think of any to say. Neither knew what the other was currently interested in. It was Thomas who spoke first. “Imagine, next year you’re gonna be all alone in class with Hamilton.”

He laughed. “I think I can handle it.”

“But you go to Schuyler’s gay club don’t you? You’re friends with some of them now.”

“Not really. But I’ll have Dolley or Aaron to be friends with. And the other Schuyler sisters do seem nice.”

“And are you still Professor Washington’s TA?”

“I guess so. He was happy with me after helping him get Charles Lee in trouble.”

“The frat will need a new president. You could run for it. You might win.”

“No, I think I might spend my final year in the regular dorms.”

Dolley arrived back in the room, singing something nonsensical under her breath. “Guess what?”

“What?” Thomas asked, leaning forward.

“I’m going to be at the Tony Awards. But not only will I be watching; I’ll be one of the people sitting onstage during the Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 performance.”

“The who who what what of when?”

“It doesn’t matter. It will be so fun. Patti LuPone is going to be there. And Cynthia Erivo. She won an award last year for best lead actress. Oh my God, I am so excited! What’ve y’all been talking about?”

“Just what things will be like next year.”

“I know! It’s so weird. I’ve only been at Columbia a year and I’m already leaving and Thomas, you’re graduating. Let’s celebrate with some more _macarons._ ” She looked at Thomas for approval from her pronunciation.

“Very nice. I gotta go, Dolley, but maybe I’ll hear about you. Ten years from now, you could be winning an award for some high profile movie.”

 

* * *

 

“This is it,” Peggy giggled, looking around the side of the library with Mattie next to her. “Do you want to do the honors?” She produced a pad with a button in the middle.

“We’re going to get in so much trouble,” Mattie laughed. “They’ll know it’s us.”

“What are they going to do? It’s June and we’re celebrating pride.” Peggy had indeed been celebrating pride, since midnight on June the first. Since then, she had been walking around campus wearing  a rainbow joker, a baseball cap in shades of pink to represent the lesbian flag, a necklace that read ‘gal pals’ in small letters which she had bought Mattie a matching version of and a yellow sports bra that read ‘dyke.’ “It’s the last day and they have all summer to clear it up.” Her phone buzzed, signifying she had a text and she took a quick glance at the screen, then a second in panic.

**Devilica** _11:33_

I know what u and Mattie are up to and I’m coming to get u

 

“Fuck, Angelica’s onto us. Okay, we have to do this now. Here.” She passed the button to Mattie.

“Together.”

They pressed down together and nothing happened for a few seconds. Peggy’s faith in her girlfriend’s device did not falter in the slightest as she awaited the reaction.

The hidden mini canons fired with a bang and confetti and glitter shot into the air, falling like rainbow snowflakes onto their masterpiece.

Peggy and Mattie had been up all night, lining out the shape on the grass, and then going over it with weed killer. It was no ordinary weed killer but one Mattie had mixed herself. If the reaction went correctly, over a period of a few hours, the pattern should come out in different colors.

Just as Peggy had believed, trusting Mattie’s chemistry knowledge to get it right, the shape was marked onto the green space on the quad beside the fountain in rainbow colors. The confetti drew the students’ attention to it and many had turned to stare, laugh and take pictures.

A professor came along instantly and began to shout at students to delete the pictures from their phone but not one of them would delete the pictures.

Peggy and Mattie had drawn a rainbow penis in the grass.

 

* * *

 

Maria hefted another two cardboard boxes into the back of her dad’s taxi.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about any of this. I really am. I didn’t know how you and mom would react and I couldn’t cope with any of that.”

Her father did not look at her, inspecting the contents of the box on the pavement. “You have a lot of flowers.”

“Yeah. My friend, Eliza, she brought me a lot of them when she found out about everything and I decided to take care of them.”

“You used to try and grow fruit in the window boxes but gave up.”

“Dad?” Two nights before, in her call home to her parents, she had told them that she had been to court. It was hard to say all over the phone but she promised she would explain all to them face to face. Now, she was at the end of telling her story to her father, leaving out the grimmest of details. She could not read his face. “About what I told you…are you going to say anything?”

“Mom and I were really worried about you. Why didn’t you say anything to us?”

“I don’t know.”

“I mean while it was going on.”

“There’s a point when you believe that no one will love you and no one will support you and he told me that he was the only one who loved me.”

“I don’t understand how you can think that. We’re your parents.” Maria knew that to have someone as your parent did not mean they loved you. She thought of Alex’s dad, abandoning his family in the middle of the night, John’s parents with their manipulative behavior as bad as her ex-boyfriend’s, Mattie’s who loved her but could not quite accept her sexuality. Her mom and dad were nothing like that because they loved her; they did everything they could to keep the family running and they did what they thought was best for their daughters. They could make mistakes sometimes but that was a part of being a parent and she felt guilty.

“I felt like I’d messed up again,” she tried to explain. “All that happened to me when I was younger made elementary school and middle school a horrible time for me. I know you tried to listen, but you didn’t really understand. Then there was…what happened to me in sixth grade.” That place she had been in that she had blotted from her memory for so long. “I know they helped me get better but it was the worst time for me and I have a lot of bad memories and things just weren’t the same. I know I needed to go there but…I just felt you didn’t listen to me and I was a problem to you and you’d just be embarrassed I’d caused another problem for myself.”

“Why are you so scared to talk about what happened? That’s the first time I’ve heard you say anything about it.”

She closed her eyes, her voice quivering, trying not to dwell on it for too long. “It’s painful. I should accept it, I get it, just like I had to talk about _him_. I just don’t want to now.” After hearing at the trial about the events when she was younger, none of her friends had brought it up, despite looking shocked where they sat in the courtroom. She appreciated that because they had realized if she had not told them about it before, she did not want to talk about it now.

“Marsy.” This was a nickname, a baby nickname, ones only your relations would use in the most soothing moments. He came closer to her. “When you were sick when you were younger, I was scared I’d lose my daughter, not angry. When you weren’t talking to us a few months ago, I was scared I was losing you again, like Susanna. She still hasn’t contacted us. I’m not angry with you because even though I think you could have been more careful, you could have come forward earlier, I know you ending up with that boy was not your fault. If he weren’t in prison right now, Mom and I would make him regret everything he did to you. You can come to us about anything. We’ll always stand by you. Hell, you could murder someone, we’d be on your side. I know you’re capable of so much and this just shows it. You can move on, become strong, after everything.”

Maria was not so happy with the murder comparison and she could tell he did not understand that she couldn’t have just come forward, but he was being supportive and she was so thankful for that in this moment.

All this time, she had felt like a family embarrassment. She had gone into the clinic to get over her eating disorder a few months into middle school which meant everyone knew. The teachers had constantly been checking up on her and people still tried to make her cry which they succeeded in. She made herself better over the years, better at not acting out how they wanted her to and better at talking to people, but no one forgot. She was still the girl who vanished for most of sixth grade and everyone knew where to, even if they did not mention it. Her middle school and high school were part of the same establishment so everyone knew there too. College would be her chance to get away from the teachers thinking she was stupid or fragile, kids who thought she was mad or fat, and to found a new version of herself.  She thought it was working, when people were interested in her hobbies in hair and makeup, her funny jokes and sarcastic comments, her style and her political views and after she had left James, she feared she had ruined the image again with everyone knowing her as the girl who was abused. But now she was realizing, that was what she was. She was the victim, someone who had faced things unimaginable, but she was also still the funny and sarcastic girl who liked hair and makeup and watching bad TV shows with her best friend and talking about her political opinions and researching science. A bad thing had happened to her and it was a part of the collage that was Maria Lewis, but it only filled a small space.

“I like the hair,” her dad said, running his fingers through it. “It suits you.”

“Maria! Hi!” Eliza was here now in a floaty blue shirt that tied in a ribbon at the front which matched her blue ribbon choker.

“Is this that friend you were telling me about?” her dad asked.

“Yeah. Eliza, this is my dad.”

“Hi.” She looked up at him. “He’s…well you’re a lot taller than Maria.”

“She gets her height from her mom. Where are you girls off to?”

“We’re having a little group get together.”

“We’re meeting up with her boyfriend, Alex, and his boyfriend, John,” Maria said, rather pointedly, trying to confuse her dad.

“Well,” he said, clearly trying to keep in the questions. “I’ll leave you to it.”

Eliza held Maria’s hand as they walked to John’s dorm room. Her hair – that beautiful soft hair –today clipped carelessly away at the back of her head, was shining in the sun. 

“I can’t believe it’s already summer,” Eliza mused. “Time’s gone by so fast. And it’s going to be pride in a few weeks! I’m so excited! I bought this shirt that says ‘the world has bigger problems than boys who kiss boys and girls who kiss girls’ and I found lots of clothes on Pinterest for the others. Some homemade decorations we could put on the float, as well.” She bounced as she walked, something Maria had picked up on her doing when she was happy.

She twisted the door handle to room 127 and they both walked in, only to hear Alex shout Eliza’s name in panic. Maria caught a brief glimpse of him and John next to each other on the bottom bunk, naked as far as she could tell though she did not see much, before she covered her eyes.

“Eliza! Stop looking!” Maria heard.

“It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

“Yeah but you caught me off-guard! Just let us get some underwear on!”

The others were due to arrive an hour after them. The first to come in was Angelica, practically dragging Peggy and Mattie with her.

“These two are in so much trouble.”

“Why?”

“Look out the window.”

All four of them rushed to the window and it took them a minute but they had soon all seen the rainbow penis in the grass near the quad and began to laugh at it.

“Glad to see you’re all so mature. I can’t believe that Peggy spent the whole year trying to plan something big and this is the stunt she pulls. I would have stopped them if I could but I was delayed.”

Maria was puzzled. “Why?”

“I was in trouble with Mrs. Adams.” She drew in a breath. “The school disapproved of my self-care posters for girls.”

“What did you do, Angelica?”

“Oh, it’s all good advice about foods to eat and skin creams to buy. But I also wrote on it ‘don’t text the fuckboy’ and now I’m in trouble for using inappropriate language.”

“I’m all for what you wrote,” said Maria, high-fiving her.

“Me, too.”

“Excuse me, Eliza, did you forget that you’re dating Alexander Hamilton?”

“Hey!” Alex shouted, offended.

“Nice hickeys, John,” she commented as she passed him buy and John hastened to sweep his hair down over his neck to cover the three dark bruises stretching from just below his ear to his very visible collarbone.

Laf and Herc showed up just a few minutes later. “Guess what I brought.” Laf dumped a bag on the table and out fell several fidget spinners. They picked one up and spun it between their fingers then began to laugh. “These are so good. I will bring them back home and see if they have them in France.”

Angelica kissed Herc on the cheek and after Burr, Theo and Dolley had arrived, they began to discuss how they would spend their last moments together before they went back home for the summer.

“Why don’t we play a game?” Eliza suggested.

“Strip twister!” cried Laf.

“Absolutely not,” Angelica retorted.

“We could just sit in a circle and say what each of us is doing this summer and how we think we’ve changed this year.”

“We’re not in kindergarten, Eliza,” Peggy complained, but they all gave in and sat down together, eating the flapjacks that Herc had made.

“I’ll go first,” Eliza offered. “I’m not doing much. My family is spending two weeks in Italy which will be fun and we’re going to Disneyland for a few days.”

“That sounds like a lot more than what most of us are doing, Eliza.”

“Other than that, I’m gonna binge watch all the cheesiest vaguely feminist shows I can. A bit of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and maybe some cheesy fantasies like Once Upon a Time or Shadowhunters. And I’ll be making plenty of videos. I’m glad I’ve changed. Angelica wanted me to make me talk to more people and she probably wanted me to be more social and know everyone but I’ve met so many great new people this year. Laf, you’re hilarious. Mattie, I never thought Peggy would find someone who was such a perfect match for her. Maria, you’re the best friend I could hope for.” Maria blushed and covered her face. “Aaron, you’ve helped us and we’re so grateful.”

“Wrap it up now,” Peggy called, her hands cupped around her mouth.

“I met my fantastic boyfriend and of course, my number one fan. Thanks, Herc.”

They went around the circle. To name a few, Angelica was proud of herself for all the work she had done for school societies though she admitted she wished she could have done more; Burr was traveling to Canada with his uncle and smugly said he was happy to have gotten the internship while looking directly at a red-faced Alex. Alex was doing a lot; staying with Eliza, going to visit his brother in St. Croix, doing his book tour and in a few days would do a Skype interview with Tom Paine.

“That will be a _pain_ ,” John smirked, resulting in some groans.

Maria gave what she thought was a mundane answer about meeting new friends and about lipsticks. Her revelation from her conversation with her dad was too difficult to explain though it made her shake with exhilaration. She could not afford to go anywhere other than the days she was going to stay at Eliza’s house but she would enjoy the weeks among the faces she had not seen in a while.

John was after her. “George and Martha found a bunch of courses for me to do while Alex is on his book tour.” He was staying with them until he could get a place of his own, however long that would take. “I’m doing a comedy one with Peggy and a zoology one and an art course. Like Eliza, glad to have met you all and I got to get in touch with my culture. I’m twenty percent fluent in Spanish on Duolingo!”

“That’s great, John,” said Eliza.

“Yeah. Plus I got back into baseball. Maybe I’ll try for the team next year. And I feel good, being able to be out happily here, even if I can’t be with my family. This strange thing happened today where I was walking along and there were these big footballer guys. They stopped me and asked if I was dating Alex and I didn’t know what to say but I said yes and they started patting me on the back and saying they appreciated our bravery or something. I don’t even know them.”

“Oh yeah, that might have been my fault,” Herc admitted. “You see, I was telling some of the guys on the team how happy I am about my two bros dating. And I was gushing to them all about you, Angie. They’re jealous.”

“Well, I can see why,” she said, looking down at her appearance. “Although it sounds as if you were boasting as if I were a prize to be won.”

He looked nervous. “Really?”

“No. I’m surprised because most of the men I encountered before would say things like ‘bros before hoes’ and complain about their girlfriends forcing them to do things and making them unhappy and you’re happy and clearly not just boasting because of sex. They’re better than those football players you were friends with last year.”

“Oh yeah, they told me I was gay when I was hanging out with you because they thought I liked you and I didn’t even then.”

“Well, you are a bit gay.”

“But it’s impossible to be gay for you.”

“I was thinking about that attitude at pride. Last year, I saw so many gay men with t-shirts about how they love dicks or lesbians with t-shirts saying ‘pussy power.’ Do they know how many trans people there are at pride because it’s a lot. Alexander, did you get in that application?”

“Yeah. Next year, John and I are going to be even better because I’m going to be in a triple dorm with John and Laf.”

“You’re abandoning me?” Burr asked.

“Do you really want him as a roommate for another year?”

“Okay, true.”

Dolley was the last in the circle. “This summer, I’m going to be only in rehearsals. Obviously, my biggest achievement was getting a role in the musical. By the way, I can tell you what it’s called. It’s called Garibaldi: An Italian Musical.”

There were puzzled looks. “Huh?”

“It’s a jazz and rock musical about the unification of Italy with color blind casting.”

“Um, that’s an interesting idea,” said Angelica.

“It really is. It’s going to be a hit.”

A movie was chosen to watch. It was Moana which Laf had bought on DVD and Herc moaned about how they would all be singing along. A promise was made that they would not but twenty minutes in and Eliza, John, Peggy, Mattie, Laf, Theo, Dolley and even Angelica were belting out the words to How Far I’ll Go.

The couples (and trios in the case of Alex, Eliza and John) had congregated together. Maria watched them, their different ways of showing affection. Peggy was outright sitting on Mattie’s lap. Burr and Theo’s hands were clasped together, leaning into one another as they stared ahead at the screen. Herc was gentle and soft with Angelica, leaning on her shoulder and not hoping for anything more because that was not the reason he wanted to be with her. His face told all; he wanted to be with Angelica because she was Angelica. And in the couch corner where all members of the polyamorous relationship were cuddling, they were each giving each other the same look. No one had ever looked at Maria like that.

Being not in a relationship, she was seated on some cushions on the floor, in between Dolley and Laf.

“How is it that us, the most beautiful, are the only single ones here?” they asked. It was very strange but Maria noticed their accent was not very strong, unlikely as strong as it had been at the start of the year, but you do not tend to notice these changes over a long period of time. After spending three months in France, it would very likely return.

“That’s really nice,” Dolley said. “To say I’m one of the most beautiful. I think you are, too. I may be single now but not for much longer.” She gave a smile.

“Who is it?” Maria demanded.

“I can have my secrets can’t I?” she asked innocently in an attempt to entice them to ask further questions.

“Is it Madison?” asked Laf. The two girls stared at him, confused.

“He’s gay. How did you not pick up on that? Anyway, weren’t you doing online dating?”

They shook their head. “It just was not right for me.”

“Why not?”

“I would have people who would meet me just to tell me that they think I am a euh…special snowdrop?”

“Snowflake. Yeah, I’ve heard people use that logic,” said Maria. “Comparing someone to a snowflake sounds dumb to be because all snowflakes are different so they’re basically saying they’re just boring and the same as everyone else by not being a snowflake.”

“You know a lot about it.”

“From the Internet, mostly. No one’s ever really called me that. I don’t talk about my…mental health so much and not many people know my sexuality because I’ve only dated guys. I think everyone in GSA just assumes I’m straight. But there were others. Not everyone person you went on a date with could have said that to you.”

“Some would use the wrong pronouns without even trying but with most we just did not clamp together?”

“You mean you didn’t click?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t think, I mean, I’ve never really seen you talk to anyone outside of our friendship or GSA and I never thought that would be such a problem for you because we face very liberal people most of the time. And you never really talk about transphobic things like that happening to you.”

“I never share so much with the group and listen to all of your problems. I am like the TV gay best friend.”

“Except everyone here is gay to some degree so you’re just the most flamboyant best friend.”

“Yes. That is how most people will see me; as a feminine man and not genderfluid. I like to be happy and not care.”

“What’s it like being genderfluid in France. I mean, you have masculine and feminine for everything, right?” She did not intend to intrude so much but she did feel bad, having never thought about what their struggles must be like with their identity.

“There is a new pronoun that I use there. It is ‘os.’ My grandmére is the only close family I have and she is using it and I never got to tell my parents. And for dating, I am staying for some days with my old friend Adrienne in her town. We haven’t seen each other in years so maybe I will meet someone outside of the people from my own town who will like me.”

They brought out a picture on their phone of two children. A child who looked like they were a boy of about fourteen or fifteen and was clearly a teenaged Laf wore a tank top as they did now and sat beside a girl who looked to be slightly younger, with a thin, pretty face and a purple hijab. “That’s Adrienne,” they explained. “It will be so exciting to see her again.”

“It’s nice being able to talk to you like this.” They watched the screen, Moana on her boat trying to get past a giant monster made of lava. Some others were still enthusiastically watching though Dolley had gone back to looking at her phone and Angelica and Eliza were talking to each other.

“What about you? Would you want to find someone new who you can love?” they asked.

“I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’ve never been a big fan of blind dates anyway. Not judging. It just isn’t for me. And of course I’m still traumatized.” She laughed, trying to defuse some of the severity of the statement.

“But there must be someone you have an interest for.”

Maria did not speak. She stared ahead, her eyes locking on the girl dressed in blue, conversing joyfully with her sister.

“I see. And what do you want to do about it?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.” She whispered, not wanting Eliza or any of the others to hear. “I love her and him together because they’re one of the healthiest relationships I’ve seen. But when she smiles at me…It doesn’t matter.”

The final credits rolled for the movie, the pop version of How Far I’ll Go playing and chatter began to rise.

“My favorite character is that disembodied voice that was singing in We Know the Way,” Alex was joking.

“I’ve got a surprise I want to show everyone,” said Eliza. She took out a big, hardback book. “I made a scrapbook of the year.”

They flicked through it and Eliza really had gotten pictures of everything, stuck onto a background of glitter and stars which was so typically Eliza. There was John’s birthday party, Halloween, that time the girls got together and dyed Mattie’s hair. Polaroids of Eliza, Alex and John, messing around with silly photo booth props like plastic mustaches. The Take Back the Night March, the mini disco held in this very dorm. Movie nights, selfies of Peggy, Mattie and Dolley from the blackout. Peggy’s comedy night (that had been a horrible night for Maria), shopping together, the bonfire, playing baseball with Alex’s brother. Photos Maria had taken of her friends posing with hairstyles and makeup she had given them, paintballing, and the party after James’ trial. That horrible man was in prison now and she thanked whoever was out there for it every night. It was a collection of memories, some of those she cherished most, bound in one book.

“There’s one free page. We need a group picture.”

Peggy got out her phone, angling it in front of herself and they all squeezed to get into the available space for a selfie. Once it had been taken, everyone gathered around to critique it.

“John, why are you dabbing?”

“It’s funny.”

“It really isn’t.” Angelica shook her head. She was standing proudly in the front row, in perfect poise. Maria thought she looked fine, pouting and putting her hands in the shape of a heart while Eliza leaned on her shoulder, her silky hair swishing over her shoulder and her eyes closed on purpose, to look like she was at peace. The others were the problem.

“Lafayette, I think I can see the back of your ponytail. How did that happen? You’re the tallest out of us.”

“You would have seen me if Hercules had not _dropped_ me.”

“How am I supposed to carry you?” Herc asked.

“You’re blocking Burr out,” Angelica continued.

“No, I just didn’t want to be in it.”

Alex was pulling a strange face because he claimed he looked stupid in pictures and had no idea how to smile. Dolley and Mattie were hugging while sitting on their knees and the side of Theo’s face was visible. She said she had been kissing Burr on the cheek but it was hard to see as he had been trying to hide behind Herc. Peggy was at the front, doing a peace sign.

“I think it’s good. It’s a perfect display of our personalities.” Eliza found a glue stick in her handbag and stuck the photo on the last page.

Dolley had her ukulele and was strumming; singing a song Maria presumed was from a musical under her breath. Maria knew the most popular musicals and wished she had time to listen to more obscure ones for she had liked those she had seen the movies of.

“When the sun goes down,” Dolley sang. Yes, the sun was going down and orange light burst into the room. What an end this was to the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of notes to make about this chapter. Firstly, "Garibaldi: An Italian Musical" I cannot believe I actually wrote that. This literally started as an inside joke because we were studying Italian unification at school and then I decided to make it into a Hamilton joke so here we go. It's going to be an amazing musical if anyone ever writes it.  
> Next, I decided to leave Eliza/Maria open because I know some wanted it and some didn't and I thought it was too messy to add her to the poly squad but it is a possibility she could be after the end of the fic.  
> I channelled some of my anger at the Tony Awards last week into this chapter with Dolley and if you haven't seen the Great Comet of 1812 performance or even listened to the musical, do it now. It's fantastic and it has/has had two obc Hamilton cast members in.  
> A few more references are Dolley singing a song from In the Heights and also Alex's favorite Moana character is literally himself.  
> Next week is the final chapter and this is kind of sad for me. I won't say what it's about though it's pretty obvious but my clue is that the title is from a Hamilton song which I haven't used a title from yet.  
> I'm on tumblr @ninasfireescape so come talk to me or leave a comment and until next week x


	35. Run Away With Us For The Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. It's finished and now my life has no purpose (joking!). I'm going to leave all my emotional thoughts about this in the end notes so please enjoy x

Eliza ran her fingers along the marks in the big, old oak tree. Of all the many trees on the grounds of her family home, she had always preferred this one. It was strange to have a preference when it came to trees, but this tree happened to conceal many secrets.

“I need to check if it’s still here.” She placed her feet into the two crevices which had become wider for her bigger feet after years of use. She stepped onto one branch, then another, and found the hole in the bark, out of reach from the ground.

“Careful up there, Eliza,” Alex called up to her. This was his first tour of the Schuyler Mansion and the surrounding woodland.

“I’m fine.” She reached in, searching around among the wood shavings until she found what felt like a stick. She brought it out to show him. “It’s my old catapult.” It was just a stick, naturally shaped to have two uneven branches coming out of one, through each of which she had punctured a hole and tied a rubber band. “Sometimes when I was bored, I’d lay out cups on the grass then try to hit them with stones. But I bet I still have great aim.”

“Can I try it?”

Slowly sliding her way back down, she gave it to him. “You’d better not break it, Alex.”

“Don’t you trust me?” He picked up a stone from the gravel path.

“I bet you can’t hit that tree over there.” She had initiated a new competition; she could see it from the determination that was demonstrated by the way his face scrunched up, eyes squinting on the spot in the distance. He pulled back the elastic and released it. The stone only flew a few feet.

“That was a practice try,” he insisted. He tried again and again and he did manage to get the stones further, very close to the tree, but he could not quite hit it. He gave up after what must have been two dozen attempts and let her have a go. It did take some time for Eliza to get used to having the device in her hands but she managed to hit the tree on the fifth shot.

She gave him some help in how to aim properly and how to send the stone further.

“See, you pull the string back straight and as much as you can. It has to be parallel to your aim. You let go when still pulling back.”

Another dozen shots and he managed to hit the tree.

“Is this why Angelica made you a sniper during the paintballing?”

“Yes. Well, I did hit her a few times on purpose when hiding in that tree. But not with stones, don’t worry.”

She led him around the grounds. It was to a great extent just trees and fields though she could associate memories with many of them.

“Once, Angelica and I made a treehouse in there. It wasn’t really a treehouse; we just got a blanket from inside and put it between the branches. Then we wouldn’t let Peggy come up and we really upset her.”

“How old were you?”

“About eight. We tormented her when she was little because she was the youngest and now she’s paying us back for all that. Oh, you see those flowerbeds? There were different flowers then but I picked a bunch without telling my parents and put them around the house, thinking they’d be a nice surprise, but they were all dead by the end of the day and we had no flowers left. And there’s a funny story about that circle of trees there.”

“What happened?”

“I was sixteen and we were holding this fancy adult party for politicians and some of them brought their teenaged kids. I’d had a glass of champagne so was very close to being drunk, knowing me, and Angelica encouraged me to go meet some people. I met this girl and didn’t really mean anything by it because it wasn’t one of those nights but we came out here to make out except Peggy was already here with another girl. Very awkward.”

“Did you get to make out with her?”

“No. I could have gone somewhere else but I got into a stupid drunk argument with Peggy and then gave into her by which time the girl I was with had gone.”

Later that day, the young adult residents of the Schuyler Mansion worked together to help set the table, ready for dinner. John had spent the afternoon delightedly playing with Peggy and the old family cat, Bast (named by Angelica when she was seven), and was now on the highest of spirits. He and Eliza set out the cups and plates.

“Martha’s been texting me a lot today.”

“Martha?” Eliza struggled to think who he could be talking about. “Your sister? This is getting confusing. You wouldn’t think Martha would be such a common name anymore but there’s Mattie and Alex’s Martha and now your sister. What was she saying?”

“She doesn’t know everything but she’s guessed quite a bit. My dad wasn’t being subtle when he went on shouting about how he didn’t want me talking to a certain boy. We haven’t really been talking about why I left or anything. Just how our lives are going. She’s just graduated high school.”

“Is she going to college?”

“Yeah but not Columbia. It has a little to do with me but not all siblings are like you three and go to the same college.”

“You’re just jealous, Peggy,” Alex was saying to Peggy at the other side of the room, where he was pouring glasses of water, spilling lots of droplets onto the table. “Because I get to have sex with two people.”

“Come on, like my girl can’t satisfy me on her own.”

“Alex. Peggy,” Eliza warned them.

“What?”

“You don’t want Mom to hear you.”

The two youngest sisters who had also finished their school years at elementary school came through, bearing serving dishes, followed by Angelica who had two dishes.

“Hey, Cornelia. How’s it going?” John asked her. Eliza’s little sister had her hair done in cute braids and had on her dinosaur shirt. She abandoned her dish at the side of the table and ran to him where they gave each other a fist bump. They were already good friends, even having only met that morning.

The dinner began when her parents arrived, sitting at either end of the table that had been laid for the nine of them.  Two pies had been made – one with meat and one vegetarian – along with an assortment of potatoes and vegetables.

“Angelica, Peggy was telling me earlier that you have a boyfriend.”

“Peggy!” said Angelica, slamming her fork down and sending a dagger glare in Peggy’s direction.

“No need to be angry with her. You don’t have to keep it a secret. Peggy’s girlfriend is coming to stay later in the week and Eliza has…both her boyfriends here so you could have invited your boyfriend as well.”

“Mom, they’re not both my boyfriends,” Eliza laughed. “John’s just my friend.”

“Peggy said his name was something mythological as far as I remember. Hercules? Was that it? I can see why you might have an interest because you did love those Greek myths when you were younger.”

“Mom, please,” whispered Angelica through gritted teeth. “Peggy, we need to have a serious talk later."

Meanwhile, Eliza’s dad was talking to the other men in the room.

“If I ever needed anything to confirm my hate for Henry Laurens, hearing about how he’s treated you would be that,” he said to John. “You do look a lot like him.”

“I know. If you ever need to argue with him in um, congress, I can help you.”

“Congress? I think I’m going to like getting to know you. Alex, I hope you’re treating my daughter right.”

“Dad, you know he’d be gone if he weren’t. Can you not do the overprotective thing, please? It’s uncomfortable.”

“Sorry. I only was trying to joke. And you’re interested in politics outside of your writing?”

“Yes, it’s one of my majors. And I’ve been researching the laws you’ve been involved in and I really appreciated the drafting of that bill for protecting the homeless that you drafted in 2013 and I think it was really unfair that they blocked it before it even reached congress.”

Alex had of course researched both her parents to impress them; something which Eliza was not sure was the best of ideas but which her father seemed to approve of.

“Interesting,” was his one-worded answer, but he was a man of few words, normally. “I can try to get you a summer job for next year, working in politics.”

“Thank you! That would be amazing!”

“I’m interested in your book so I’ll be sure to read that when it comes out. What do I need in return for a signed copy?”

“I’ll give you a free signed version, Mr. Schuyler because you’re letting me stay in your home. That’s good enough.”

“Well.” He folded his hands together. “Then I hope you enjoy the stay.”

Alex and John did enjoy their stay. It was surprising that in such a remote area, they could find so many things to do. In the days, they played in the fields, games that Cornelia and Cathy could join in with. John led small baseball games and Eliza led soccer games and they spent a whole day pretending to be a crew of pirates. They would have races and hikes through the woods and competitions to see who could roll down the hill the fastest, a skill Peggy was incredibly adept at. Cornelia had a remote control helicopter that one day Alex had a go at flying and got stuck in a tree and Eliza eventually managed to climb up to get it down.

On lazier days, they would sleep in. Eliza would make her videos and she had started doing livestreams where her subscribers could send her questions. John would sit in the garden sometimes, drawing the flowers and the trees and doing the most remarkable sketches of the five sisters together. Eliza managed to get Alex and John through a sitting of half the first season of Jane the Virgin on Netflix which they both liked and ended up almost jokingly breaking up over after an argument about who Jane should end up with. John liked that so much Spanish was spoken which he said was helping him learn the language and they planned on spending the day after watching the other half of the season, but Angelica took the big, downstairs television to watch a crime thriller series. One evening, Peggy told them she had picked out a special movie for pride month but it turned out to just be the Babadook.  Eliza, loving horror movies, reveled in being the only one who was not at all scared by it.

Eliza’s dad tried to bond some more with her two guests some more by taking them fishing one day. Alex came back bitter that they had been there for hours and caught two fish only between them, but John came back slightly different. He confided to Eliza later that even if it really had not been that fun, it was so strange to him. His whole life, he had never had parent figures, people he could turn to for mature advice, and he had not known that was missing. Now, he was getting more love from the parents of the two people he was closest two than his parents had ever given him.

There was the town nearby where Cathy and Cornelia went to school and Peggy dragged them all along to the movie theater there to see Wonder Woman one day, then they all went out for bowling and pizza afterwards.

Then, there was the Sunday night when Dolley posted on the group chat for them all to switch on the TV if they wanted to see her at the Tony Awards. They all gathered round to watch a very unusual but energetic and lively performance of a big ensemble and though none of them managed to spot Dolley, they figured out that she must have been one of the people sitting down on the stage as the dancers moved around them.

“She’s really working her way up, isn’t she?” Angelica remarked. “Maybe next year, she’ll be up for one of those awards as some Italian girl.”

“Close up on the lesbians!” Peggy cheered as the camera panned to two of the female cast members kissing at the back of the stage.

On the penultimate night of Alex and John’s stay, Eliza crept into their room. The house had two guest rooms but now that Mattie had arrived, they had to occupy this one together.

“Alex?” She nudged him, knowing what a light sleeper he was, but he didn’t wake up. “Alex, get up,” she said in a slightly louder whisper.

“Eliza, what are you doing in here?” he croaked.

She put a finger to her lips. “Get dressed into something warm and put some swimming things on underneath.”

“Swimming things? Eliza—”

“Be quiet. Just get ready.” He noticed the big bag she was carrying. “Don’t ask. It’s a surprise.”

He started to dress, making far too much noise for her liking and she worried her parents might, or worse, Angelica, might hear.

She poked John a few times, where he had been sleeping behind Alex and climbed onto the bed next to him. She slapped his face lightly which was when he finally stirred and giving a sleepy response similar to Alex’s, she gave him the same instructions and he began to slowly get ready.

“What are we doing, Eliza?” Alex asked her again when they were ready.

“Just follow me.”

Together, they tiptoed down the stairs, through the kitchen and then out of the back door. To have put on their shoes would have made them too loud, thus they stepped out onto the garden grass with bare feet.

They walked, past the trees and flower beds until they reached that little private park, comprising mainly of that broad lake. On the bank, covered in patches of reeds, Eliza set down her duffle bag and started unpacking things. She took out a quilt which she spread out and sat down on and piles of towels.

“Eliza, we’re not doing what I think we’re doing, are we?”

She unzipped her coat, discarded it, and pulled off her top to reveal a turquoise bikini top underneath. Next, off came her yoga pants and last to go was the elastic band holding her hair in a ponytail, so that she was standing in her swim wear with her two necklaces – her ‘E’ necklace and her heart locket – dangling from her neck and her butterfly tattoo stark against her ribcage which tonight was glowing in the moonlight.

She ran to the two trees on either side of the area of the lake they faced and the branches lit up, silver. Earlier that morning, when Alex and John had been playing video games with Peggy, she had come out here and put up some of the fairy lights she had hoarded.

“Okay, so I may have been planning this. Come on! What are you two waiting for?” With that, she jumped.

Ice submerged her, freezing her to the core and filling her mouth, despite having held her breath. She was only under for a second or so before rising, gasping. Her feet found the muddy bottom and she stood up.

“Jump in. It’s nice and warm in here,” she called while shivering.

John shrugged. “You know what? I’m up for it. There’s not a lake here for nothing.” Taking off his shirt, he threw himself off the bank and got into the cannonball position. He hit the water far from her with a great splash and a torrent of water sprayed over her.

“Alex!”

“You two are mad!”

Unable to stand waiting for him any longer, Eliza reached up and grabbed his feet. He flailed his arms in the air, shouting for her to stop, but he toppled in in front of her, fully clothed.

“FUCK! IT IS FREEZING!”

Eliza took his hands and dragged him out further, until their feet could no longer touch the ground.

“Why are you torturing us like this, Eliza?”

“Relax; I’m already used to it. You’ll be too.” The water certainly did not feel as cold as it had thirty seconds earlier. “Don’t you feel so alive?”

“No, I feel like I’m being frozen alive.”

Eliza reached under the water and found the clasp at the back of her bikini top.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked her. His question was answered as the garment came away and she tossed it onto the bank. “Never mind. Maybe the water is getting a little warmer.”

“Your pick up lines suck.”

“Eliza, you realize we can’t see anything. It’s too dark,” John pointed out to her. He was a little distance away, swimming around in circles.

“Does it matter?” Eliza reached under again and this time took off the bottom part of the costume. She held it up to show them what she had done and threw that to the river bank, too.

“Seriously?” John asked.

Having been so reluctant at first to get into the water, Alex had his shirt off already and was starting on his swimming trunks too.

“Well, a few months ago, I never thought I’d be skinny dipping with you two.”

“The question is why don’t you have your clothes off yet? I thought the reason you came to stay here was to make some memories.”

Giving in very easily, he took off his swimming trunks and then there they all were, together. Now was the time to be young, lively and free. John and Alex began to make out and Eliza turned her eyes up to the stars. They were a bright white in the pitch black sky and so clear. Eliza loved the world she lived in, technology and all, but an almost perfect replica of this scene could have been seen by someone in the same spot, hundreds of years ago, and she found that a beautiful idea, too. She felt a hand in hers; Alex’s.

“Eliza, are you okay?”

“I just got a feeling that I’ve been wanting to do this with you for a very long time.”

“Skinny dipping?”

She shrugged and turned to him. Wrapping her legs around his waist and still holding his hands, she kissed him and she could not have explained then how right it felt; the three of them in this very spot at this time.

They were so lucky to be alive right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Was that ending suggesting a reincarnation au???" No, I might have been joking a bit about how long the version of Eliza in the musical universe had been waiting to just Take A Break and I thought a sweet ending was required.  
> Well that's it. It's done. This probably sounds far too dramatic but it's been almost a year since I started planning this when I was on a very long school trip and I decided with my friend, Lore, to start planning a college au. She's been with me the whole time, having to listen to my ideas and prompting quite a few of her own and having to deal with me using code names to talk about the characters in public so no one would know what we were actually talking about and she was with me when I finished writing it so thank you! I would link her tumblr but she doesn't use it anymore and hasn't in ages unfortunately and has no other social media. Also thank you to everyone reading for your lovely comments and the kudos you left. It's really helped my confidence in writing and weirdly writing this has been one of the best parts of my year. I have some other ideas for things I might post in future but really come talk to me on tumblr @ninasfireescape about this fic, fics I might write later, musicals, or just anything in general. Until next time I post x


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